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Mistress Mia is back, and this conversation goes somewhere the first one didn't. Mia is a Transformative Life Coach, Certified Therapeutic BDSM Practitioner, and Sacred Kink & Intimacy Coach. She is also a founding member of the Kink Professional Standards Alliance and the creator of The ARC Protocol™, a self-development program built around embodiment, resilience, and intentional BDSM. In her first episode, we explored the psychology of power exchange, the Gateway Theory of pain, and how a truly non-judgmental space can unlock healing that more traditional approaches sometimes can't reach. This episode goes deeper into the shame that brings people to Mia's work. Mia talks about people carrying profound shame around their bodies, desires, curiosities, and even their need for penance—the feeling that they have done something wrong and somehow need to pay for it. For many people, especially those from religious or conservative backgrounds, certain parts of themselves were never safe to acknowledge. They learned to hide—not just from the world, but from themselves. And hiding doesn't neutralize shame. It can feed it. In this conversation, Mia and Kyira explore: • How shame rooted in desire and identity shows up in relationships• The impact of religious and cultural shame• Why hiding parts of yourself can make shame grow• The everyday ways we secretly punish ourselves• The difference between healthy and harmful pain• Why Mia sees shame as a core belief rather than simply an emotion• What happens when we stop hiding the parts of ourselves we've been taught to be ashamed of Whether you've lived with this kind of shame for years, you're a clinician trying to better understand how it operates in your clients, or you've ever felt like part of who you are isn't safe to show, this episode is for you. MORE ABOUT MIA Mistress Mia is a Transformative Life Coach, Certified Therapeutic BDSM Practitioner, and Sacred Kink & Intimacy Coach who helps people step into their power, release shame, and claim lives that feel bold, authentic, and deeply their own. Through The ARC Protocol™, sessions, workshops, writings, and coaching, Mistress Mia offers a grounded yet daring path to confidence, courage, and self-acceptance. CONNECT WITH MIA Website: https://thenestontario.comTikTok: @mistressmiapayneInstagram: @callmemistressmiaTelegram: @mistressmiapayneEmail: [email protected] RESOURCES Free handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day"https://adversityrising.com/handouts-all?category=Addressing+Shame Book a free 25-minute discovery call:https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call Episode 1 with Mistress Mia:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaPZmQcEiyk STAY CONNECTED Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdqCNF8lI6hq8U2GNQsAJkQWebsite: https://adversityrising.comInstagram: @adversityrising

Many of us hate to admit it, but aging brings real fears. The worry that you are becoming irrelevant, that your kids do not need you anymore, that you are slowly being left behind. And when we do not face those fears ourselves, they quietly get pushed onto our kids through guilt trips, expectations, and even anger. But here is the truth. Those fears are painful, and they are yours to wrestle with. They are not your children's burden to carry. Your kids are not the cure for your loneliness. In this episode I walk through how to carry those fears yourself and still stay close to your kids: Why your aging fears land on your kids as guilt and pressure How to name what you are really afraid of How to build support and meaning outside of your children How to share vulnerability without guilt Naming the fear is the first step to taking it back and freeing your kids from a burden they were never meant to carry. If this resonates and you want deeper support, book a free discovery call and we will map out your next step. Book a discovery call: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call More: https://adversityrising.com This is part of my series on messy parent-child relationships. Subscribe so the next one finds you.

What if the heaviness you carry, the quiet sense that you are somehow not enough, was never about a flaw in you at all? In this episode I sit down with Dawna Daigneault, a licensed therapist, trauma-informed care specialist, and the creator of Worth-Conscious Theory, for a conversation that goes far deeper than the usual self-help talk about confidence and self-esteem. Dawna's work is built on a radical idea: your worth is a birthright. It is foundational, not earned, and it has to be honored even when the families, communities, and systems around us fail to affirm it. After more than a decade of research, she reached a striking conclusion. Sometimes depression and anxiety do not come from a chemical imbalance or a hard season, they come from denied self-worth, a pattern that had gone unnamed in clinical practice for far too long. We get into the distinction almost everyone misses, the real difference between self-worth and self-esteem, and what gets lost when we treat them as the same thing. We talk about what low self-worth actually looks like day to day, in your relationships, in the stories you tell about what you deserve, and in the quiet weight you carry when the messages you grew up with did not match who you really are. At the center of it all is what Dawna calls the lost-worth story, the narrative you hold onto that keeps you denying your own worth, often handed down through generations. She walks through how shame works inside that story, both as something you feel and as a social force, and what it takes to start pulling shame apart from your identity. We close not with a tidy five-step plan, but with a real invitation: get curious about the story you have been telling about your own worth, and where it came from. Dawna and her co-author Chris Brown wrote Understanding Self-Worth: A Guide to Worth-Conscious Theory and Psychotherapeutic Practice, already being called required reading for counseling students and one of the most inspiring clinical books in years. Whether you are a clinician, someone in your own healing, or simply curious about why so many of us struggle to feel like we are enough, this one is for you. More About DawnaUnderstanding self-worth is Dawna's passion project. For more than a decade she has studied what it means to claim self-worth as a birthright. Just before 2023 she and a co-author published the first academic article on the topic, and that work grew into the book released last year. Dawna has also spent over twenty years as a private practice therapist and is certified in trauma-informed care. Connect With DawnaWebsite:https://understandingself-worth.com Buy her book:https://understandingself-worth.com/book Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/groups/1665455067401496 Read her article:https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/09593543221135559 Ready to Take the Next Step?Download the free handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: https://adversityrising.com Book a free discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that fits you: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call Stay ConnectedSubscribe on Spotify:Spotify Subscribe on Apple Podcasts:Apple Podcasts YouTube:YouTube Website:adversityrising.com Subscribe and leave a review to let me know what this episode stirred up for you.

Why Don't My Kids Call Me?If you have ever sat by the phone waiting for it to ring, or felt that sting when you realize it has been weeks since you heard from your child, you are not alone. When you ask, "Why don't my kids call me?" what you might really be asking is: Am I being forgotten? Am I becoming irrelevant? Am I losing my place in their life? Those are real human fears, and they are tied to the reality of aging. But here is the truth: those fears are yours to wrestle with. They are not your children's burden to carry. In this episode, I unpack why your kids going quiet is almost never about not caring, how waiting and guilt can quietly create distance instead of connection, and three concrete ways to rebuild the relationship without pressure. In This Episode What you are really asking when you wonder why your kids don't call Why blaming and guilting them can push them further away Why love is not measured by who calls more How to take ownership and reach out first, without guilt Why connection requires mutuality, not grief and pressureYour kids are not ignoring you to cause pain. They are living their lives. And connection grows stronger when you show up with openness and ownership instead of guilt. If this resonates and you want deeper support with these feelings and relationships, book a free discovery call and we will map out your next step. Book a discovery call:https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call More resources:https://adversityrising.com This is part of my series on messy parent-child relationships. Subscribe so the next one finds you. Key Takeaways When your kids don't call, it is almost never that they don't care. The fear underneath—being forgotten, irrelevant, or no longer needed—is yours to wrestle with, not your child's burden. Waiting by the phone and then blaming or guilting them creates distance, not connection. Love is not measured by who calls more. It is measured by whether the relationship feels mutual and respectful. Reconnect in three moves: take ownership and reach out first, be clear rather than guilt-driven, and respect their reality. Connection requires mutuality, not grief and pressure.Chapters 0:00 The question so many aging parents ask 0:30 What you are really asking underneath 1:00 Those fears are yours, not your child's burden 1:20 The guilt trap that creates distance 2:00 Love isn't measured by who calls more 2:13 Three ways to reconnect 3:00 They're not ignoring you, they're living their lives 3:56 Work with me

We all have two versions of ourselves now. The one who sends the perfect, AI polished email, and the one who stumbles through the meeting five minutes later. In this episode I sit down again with communication coach Salvatore Manzi to talk about what that gap is really costing us, and why AI didn't create our shame around communication, it just turned up the volume on it. We get into why a "neutral" message almost always gets read as negative, the unconscious bias that makes people see AI users as lazy or less competent, and the surprising truth that most leaders are already using these tools in secret. Salvatore also shares the reframe that changed how I think about all of it: AI is the wrapping paper, not the gift. You still have to do the work. You still have to make it yours. If you have ever felt like a fraud for using a tool that actually helps you, this one is for you. In this conversation: How AI is widening the gap between how we write and how we speakWhy neutral reads as negative, and what to do about itThe imposter syndrome loop that keeps us silent in real timeWhy "too polished" can cost you connectionHow to use AI without handing over your voiceAbout Salvatore ManziSalvatore Manzi is a leadership communications coach with over 20 years of experience helping executives, entrepreneurs, and leaders amplify their influence and impact. He has coached leaders presenting at the United Nations, guided investors in raising 100 million dollars over their goal, and helped biopharma scientists present their work globally. With an emphasis on frameworks, principles, and techniques, Salvatore empowers leaders to connect authentically and navigate high stakes conversations with confidence. He is passionate about fostering collaborative team environments through effective communication. Connect with SalvatoreWebsiteBook: Clear and CompellingLinkedIn Ready to take the next step?Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts to break the shame cycle that keeps you stuck in that negative headspace: adversityrising.comBook a free 25 minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that fits you best: schedule here Stay connectedSubscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and please leave a review to let us know what this episode brought up for you.YouTubeWebsite

Once you have kids of your own, a hard expectation can show up: that your parents are automatically owed unlimited access to your children, and that everything painful between you and them should be forgotten now that there are grandkids in the picture. If you have ever heard "you're keeping them from me" or "after everything I did for you," and felt the guilt flood in, this one is for you. I want to be clear with you. Access to your kids is not automatic. It is a privilege, not an entitlement. Grandparenting is a role that gets earned through respect, consistency, and care, and the healthiest grandparent relationships are built when the relationship between you and your parent is healthy too. In this episode I walk through: Why grandparent access is a privilege, not a right How to recenter your authority as the parent How to offer structure instead of saying yes to unplanned drop-ins How to name that connection with your kids flows through your relationship Why your boundaries are not keeping love away, they are protecting itYou are allowed to say no. You are allowed to set limits. You are allowed to protect your children's peace and your own. If this resonates and you want deeper support with these family dynamics, your guilt, and the places where you people-please or go silent, book a free discovery call and we will map out your next step. Book a discovery call: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call More resources: https://adversityrising.com New here? This is part of my series on messy parent-child relationships. Subscribe so the next one finds you.

"I thought I knew what grief felt like." A year and a half ago, Julie Lucas' husband Tommie left for a work trip and never came home. What she found on the other side of that loss was not the grief she expected — it was the shame of grieving wrong, the guilt of feeling okay, and the strange loneliness of being surrounded by people who love you and don't quite know how to reach you. In this episode, Julie and Kyira talk about the fear that stops most of us from grieving at all: that if you let yourself feel it all the way down, you will not come back. Julie found the opposite. This is an honest look at what grief actually asks of us, and what becomes possible when we stop trying to do it the right way. CHAPTERS 00:00 Cold open00:49 Intro04:34 "I thought I knew what grief felt like"05:08 The somatic side of grief nobody warns you about09:11 Who Tommie was12:16 The morning it happened15:46 "You're going to love it here. I feel so free."20:41 The fear: if I feel it fully, I won't come back21:48 Asking her mother to hold her24:52 Protecting everyone else from your grief25:27 "I don't want my identity to become this"30:41 Grief has no timeline39:14 The acoustic guitar emoji48:40 Grief is a solitary journey we can't do alone51:45 There's no right or wrong way to do this54:39 Why "let me know if you need anything" doesn't work MORE ABOUT JULIE As an introverted overthinker, Julie knows what it's like to feel anxious and stuck in her head. She spent much of her footwear design career in critique mode, comparing her work with others and chasing trends. She became a master of focusing on the outside world and, in the process, lost track of her body and its wisdom. A yoga nidra class that brought her back home to herself propelled her on a journey to learn and share this profound practice of meditation and self-inquiry. CONNECT WITH JULIE Website: https://www.withinwonder.com/Yoga Nidra: https://www.withinwonder.com/yoga-nidraWork with Julie: https://www.withinwonder.com/individualLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wndr/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@within.wonder RESOURCES MENTIONED Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen — the book Julie's mother read aloud before they cried together. Tear Soup on Amazon READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP? Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. Download the Free Handout Book a free 25-minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Book a Free Discovery Call RELATED EPISODES One Pill Killed My Son. The Stigma Almost Buried Him TwiceThe Grief Expert: Stop Trying To "Move On"Shame & Complicated Grief: Moving With, Not OnShame & Grief: A Match Made in MiseryRadical Acceptance: Grief is non-negotiableAMA: Grieving Someone Who's Still Alive STAY CONNECTED Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@adversityrisingApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42Website: https://www.adversityrising.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adversityrising/Email: [email protected]

When your parent goes silent... — if a parent has ever shut you out, given you the cold shoulder, or gone quiet to punish you, this episode is for you. We break down why the silent treatment is so powerful, why their silence is not your fault and not your job to fix, and three real scripts you can use to respond without falling into shame. In this episodeIn this episode of our series on messy parent–child relationships, we cover: Why the silent treatment works — and why it's really about them, not you The difference between keeping the peace and just avoiding the conflict Three response scripts for holding your ground when a parent withdraws How to protect your energy and stop chasing their approvalThis one's for adult children navigating guilt, shame, and boundaries with a parent who goes quiet — especially if you've ever sat there wondering, "What did I do wrong?" Want support working through this in your own life?Book a free discovery call. 👉 Subscribe for more on parent–child relationships, family guilt, and boundaries. Next episode: The grandparent angle — when a parent expects unlimited access to your kids. #SilentTreatment #ToxicParents #FamilyBoundaries #AdultChildren #ColdShoulder #EmotionalWithdrawal #NotYourFault #HealthyBoundaries Get Connected ★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel ★ Sign up for my email list: adversityrising.com/email-list ★ Listen to my Podcast: Listen on SpotifyTake the Next Step★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. Download the FREE handout ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Book Your Free Discovery Call ★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the Radical 3 Practice: Radical Acceptance Radical Responsibility Radical AuthorshipLearn More About Liberated Living Timestamps 00:00 — Understanding the Issue 01:50 — How to Handle It 03:15 — The Takeaway

Is it defiance, or is it fear? I sit down with Dr. Bethany Bilodeau (Dr. B), an expert in human behavior, to talk about why school refusal, meltdowns, and "non-compliance" are almost always a nervous system that does not feel safe, not a bad kid. Your child plants their feet at the front door. They will not get on the bus. They melt down over a spelling mistake, throw the game board, refuse to walk into a classroom. Everyone around you has a label for it: oppositional, disobedient, manipulative. And underneath it sits the question you are afraid to say out loud. Is this my fault? Dr. B told me: "I very rarely meet a child that I truly think is non-compliant. Very, very rarely." The harder we push, the more the child digs in, because pushing reads as a trap. We get into boundaries that create safety instead of control, why compliance was never the goal, and why failing with a safety net is the best kind of failing. I also had to admit the part I rarely say out loud: sometimes my kid is fine with failing, and I am not. This conversation is for you if: Your child fights you every morning about schoolYou have been told your kid is lazy, defiant, or non-compliantYou are carrying the weight of a system that grades you on how obedient your child isYou quietly wonder if their struggle is your faultYou are not failing. Something else is going on, and it can be worked with. More about Dr. Bethany Bilodeau Dr. B is an expert in human behavior. Her career began as a teacher in Guam and personally with her own family's challenges. She designs programs that help people achieve emotionally, socially, and academically, and holds numerous certifications in behavioral therapies. She was awarded 2024 Business of the Year in Education and the Business Excellence for Social Equity Award. Connect with Bethany: WebsiteInstagramYouTubeLinkedInReady to take the next step? Download the free handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day, and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Stay connected: SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubeadversityrising.comBe sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.

You are not behind. That feeling has a source, and it is older than you are. Being single is not just a relationship status. For a lot of people, it carries a verdict built out of family questions, cultural timelines, and a lifetime of quiet messages about what it means to still be on your own. In this second conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Amanda Lynne Quinby, Kyira goes after where that verdict comes from—and what believing it actually costs. Amanda names the mechanism most people never see. When you walk into dating carrying "something must be wrong with me," that story picks who you tolerate. It tells you what you deserve. It talks you into staying. And then it points at the result and says, see, I told you. The shame does more damage than the dating ever did. They get into the sentence that starts earlier than anyone realizes: when you get married, and what it implies about you when it does not happen on schedule. The comparison that sharpens every year as the people around you pair off. The reason self-blame is so tempting: if it is your fault, you can fix it, and that feels so much better than sitting with what you cannot control. And the part almost nobody says out loud: other people's opinions about your relationship status are information about them, not about you. Amanda also says the thing a therapist is not supposed to say. When a client insists it must be me, she sometimes agrees. It might be you. Just not in the way you think. Not that you are unlovable. Not that you are unworthy. Not that you are broken. It is the narrative, and the narrative is workable. There is no five-step reframe here and no promise that someone is coming. What there is instead is honest company in a hard conversation, language for things that usually go unnamed, and one real question: Is the story you have been living inside about what your relationship status says about you a story you chose, or one you inherited? If you have ever felt like you were running out of time, wondered what being single this long says about you, or caught yourself quietly assuming something must be wrong with someone else because of theirs, this one is for you. MORE ABOUT AMANDADr. Amanda Lynne Quinby is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Bloomington, Indiana. She works with adults in their 30s and 40s who are navigating life transitions such as career changes, divorce, or relocation, and specializes in helping analytical, driven professionals move through the places where they feel most stuck. Her approach is collaborative and grounded, drawing on cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, self-compassion, and authenticity. She is passionate about helping people treat their feelings as data, create new narratives around their struggles, and build lives that are aligned with their values. CONNECT WITH AMANDAWebsite:https://www.amandalynnephd.com Psychology Today:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amanda-lynne-quinby-bloomington-in/254020 Email:[email protected] Free consultation:https://www.amandalynnephd.com/contact READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?Download the FREE handout "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making the daily shifts that break the shame cycle keeping you stuck. http://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient Book a free 25-minute discovery call to talk through program options and find the support that fits. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call STAY CONNECTEDWebsite:https://www.adversityrising.com Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42 Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/untethering-shame/id1691795543

Knowing is not the same as changing. And the personal growth industry has blurred that line for a long time. In this AMA episode, I answer an anonymous listener who has understood exactly what they need for years and still cannot act on it. We get into what is actually happening neurologically, where shame makes the gap wider, and what it genuinely takes to move from understanding your patterns to living differently. This one is for everyone who has done the work and is still waiting for it to show up in their behavior. What we cover: Why insight produces a neurological reward that mimics progress without being progressThe difference between the thinking brain and the nervous system, and why behavior lives in the second oneHow the shame of knowing better becomes its own obstacle to changeWhy understanding and doing are entirely different processes, not points on one continuumWhat identity change actually requires: accumulated evidence, not more informationHow to shrink the gap instead of trying to leap itThe core belief underneath most gaps that makes new behavior feel unsafe or undeservedThis week: Pick one thing from your "I know I need to do this" list. Write down the fear. Not the hoped-for outcome, but the actual worst-case story your nervous system is running about what would happen if you did it consistently. That story is the gap. And you cannot close what you have not fully seen. Three lines worth keeping: Insight updates the map. But your feet are still walking the old roads.The gap between knowing and doing is not a discipline problem. It is a depth problem.You don't need more knowing. You need someone to help you close the gap.Resources and links: Take the Burnout QuizLiberated Living ProgramFree Guide: Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day (and Three Things They Don't)Submit a question for a future AMA episode (anonymous)Connect with me: Website: adversityrising.comInstagram: @adversityrisingTikTok: @adversityrisingIf someone in your life keeps saying "I know, I know" about rest, about boundaries, about speaking up, and nothing is changing, send them this episode. Sometimes the most helpful thing is someone finally naming why it is hard.

What does it really cost us to play it safe? And what do we do with the weight of regret when we realize, too late, how much of our life we spent protecting ourselves instead of living it? In this episode, Kyira sits down with Telana Simpson, Courage Coach, facilitator, and podcast host based in Johannesburg, South Africa. With two decades of coaching experience and a background in psychology, Telana works at the intersection of self-worth, communication, and courage. Together they break down the difference between guilt, shame, and regret, and what happens when failure stops feeling like an event and starts feeling like evidence of who you are. Telana draws a line most of us never learned: confidence is about your doing, esteem is about your being. She also shares a personal story about her brother's grief and the regret that surfaced with it: how much time had gone to productivity at the expense of connection. From there the conversation moves into the cultural and intergenerational side of shame around failure, and takes apart the advice we repeat without questioning: live with no regrets. Regret, in her framing, is not a verdict. It is a signal pointing at something you value. If you have ever stayed silent when you wanted to speak, held back when you wanted to reach, or found yourself still carrying the weight of a choice that did not go the way you hoped, this episode was made for you. Connect with Telana: WebsiteInstagramFacebookTikTokLinkedInYouTubeReady to take the next step? Download the free handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day": adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient Book a free 25-minute discovery call: calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call Stay Connected: SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubeadversityrising.com#UntetheringShame #ShameResilience #Regret #CourageCoaching #SelfWorth #ImposterSyndrome #KyiraWackett #TelanaSimpson

Perfectionism Is Not About Being Perfect Perfectionism is not about being perfect. It's about avoiding the feeling of not being enough. In this episode of Untethering Shame, I answer an anonymous listener who wonders why they procrastinate, abandon projects, and only show up when success feels certain. Therapist to therapist: your therapist is right. This is perfectionism, just not the version most people recognize. It operates through strategic not starting and not finishing. Perfectionism's primary goal was never excellence. Its primary goal is protection. Why Not Finishing Feels Safer A finished thing can be judged. An unfinished thing can't be fully evaluated. An abandoned project is disappointing, but it isn't evidence of your inadequacy. Not finishing is the most elegant escape hatch there is. Ask yourself: Is the obstacle that you don't know how to do it? Or are you not certain you can do it well enough? One is a skills gap. The other is a shame gap. No productivity system in the world closes a shame gap. Perfectionism & Imposter Syndrome These two are intertwined. Perfectionism is the armor. Imposter syndrome is the wound it's protecting. Not finishing is the strategy that keeps both intact. The Cost of Not Finishing Every abandoned project leaves a deposit against your self-trust: "I don't follow through." "I'm all ideas and no execution." Those stories become identity and build new ceilings. Not because you can't, but because you no longer believe you could. Those are not the same thing. What Actually Helps What helps isn't trying harder. It's changing the story about imperfect work. If imperfect output currently means evidence of inadequacy, practice seeing it as evidence of courage. Build that belief through small acts of completion. Teach your nervous system that done is survivable and being seen unfinished is survivable too. The things you're most certain you'll do well are things you've already done. They sit inside your existing range of tolerance, so they are not growth. Perfectionism keeps you safe, competent, unjudged, and not learning. The version of yourself you most want to become is living at the edge. This Conversation Is for You If... You start things and abandon them before anyone sees.You've been "almost ready" for months.You avoid anything you're not sure you'll be great at.You've been called a perfectionist, but nothing gets finished.Resources & Links Liberated Living: Learn moreBurnout Quiz: Find your honest starting point Submit a Question Want to submit a question for a future episode? Submit anonymously or with your name. 👉 Submit Here Take the Next Step ★ FREE Guide: Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't★ Free Discovery Call: Book a call★ Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship

If I understand my triggers, if I've done the work, why does it still feel so hard? In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Elizabeth Kipp, Stress Management and Historical Trauma Specialist, Certified Addiction Recovery Coach, Ancestral Clearing Practitioner, and international best-selling author of The Way Through Chronic Pain, for our fourth and final conversation in this series. This one got personal fast. We are not talking about the nervous system in theory anymore. We are talking about what it looks like to live inside it, in real time, with the people who activate us most. Elizabeth gave me a line I wrote down in all caps three separate times: we cannot defend and connect at the same time. The nervous system does not do both, the same way we cannot digest and run at the same time. Which means the moment the other person is in defense, you are never going to feel seen. Not because you failed at asking. Because their system is not available for it. She also named the thing underneath all of it: safety is the directive of the organism. So instead of trying to make a relationship safe, which you cannot control, you help your own nervous system understand it is safe as a separate whole thing, independent of how that conversation goes. Breath first. Then acknowledge what they said before you say your piece. The part I had to sit with is my own. I have started to notice my relationship with shame looks a lot like an addiction. Elizabeth walks us through the four words that pull you back into your heart before any of it starts: patience, kindness, gentle, self-compassion. This conversation is for you if: You have done the work and still get activated by familyYou keep leaving conversations feeling unseen, no matter how carefully you phrase itYou calm yourself down, then get worked up all over again lying in bed that nightYou are an adult child trying to have a real conversation with a parent who goes straight to defenseYou catch yourself upset at people for not meeting expectations you never said out loudConnect with Elizabeth: WebsiteFacebookInstagramLinkedInReady to take the next step? Download the FREE handout, 5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. Stay Connected: SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubeWebsite

In this episode of Untethering Shame, I answer an anonymous listener who asks: "I have a list of conversations I've been avoiding. With my partner, with a friend, with my boss, some for months, some for years. I know exactly what needs to be said. I can rehearse the whole thing in my head at 2 a.m. and I still can't make myself have them. Why do I keep avoiding conversations that could actually change things for the better? And how do I stop getting in my own way?" Here's what I want you to hear first: avoidance is not cowardice, and it isn't procrastination. It's a nervous system response. Your body made a calculation faster than conscious thought that the risk of this conversation outweighs the cost of not having it. That calculation might be wrong, but it isn't weak. Instead of asking "why am I so bad at this?" ask: "what threat is my nervous system convinced this conversation contains?" The Fears Beneath It Avoidance is often fear of rejection, rupture, causing pain, or making an ending feel real. What Is Silence Costing You? Silence can create distance, resentment, and self-betrayal. Every time you stay silent, you teach yourself that what you need isn't worth the risk of saying it. Preparation vs. Rumination Preparation and rumination are not the same thing. Preparation clarifies what you need to communicate and why. Rumination replays the conversation on a loop and introduces a new variable every time, keeping the conversation permanently unready. It's anxiety wearing the costume of productivity. How to Have the Conversation Lead with intention instead of a script.Go in regulated instead of calm—because those are different things.Name the vulnerability at the start so the other person hears care instead of attack.This Is for You If... You have a mental list of conversations you keep postponing.You rehearse at 2 a.m. and still can't start the real thing.You've been telling yourself "it's not the right time" for months.You want the words, but what you actually need is the capacity to say them.Your Homework Pick one conversation from your list. Not the hardest one. Write down: 1) the single most important thing you need this person to understand, and 2) what you're most afraid will happen if you say it. You don't have to have the conversation this week. You just have to get honest on paper about what's keeping you from it. Comment POD and I'll send it your way. Resources & Links Liberated Living: Learn moreBurnout Quiz: Find your honest starting point Submit a Question Submit a question for a future episode anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest. 👉 Submit Here Take the Next Step ★ FREE Guide: Five Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day and Three Things They Don't★ Free Discovery Call: Book a call★ Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Responsibility & AuthorshipStay Connected SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubeWebsite