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This episode finds Adoption Unfiltered™ on the road for its "Ethics in Adoption" tour. Our first stop on this three-city tour could be none other than Salt Lake City, Utah. As attorney and panelist Wes Hutchins said, "Utah has legalized fraud in the context of adoption." Calling out exploitative practices and calling for better policies is of utmost importance. Joining the authors of Adoption Unfiltered™ in this episode are four panelists: adoptee Dani Zimmerman, adoptee and birth mom Jori Victory, birth mom and activist Ashley Mitchell, and adoptive father and attorney for birth father rights, Wes Hutchins. Kelsey and Ashley begin the conversation by telling us about Utah Adoption Rights and why they founded it. Next, we talk with our panelists. Questions we ask Dani Zimmerman, Adoptee: You seem high functioning and successful. As an adoptee, what are some of the challenges you've faced that people wouldn't know about? You have stayed in contact with the agency that handled your placement. What draws you to continue that relationship? Questions we ask Jori Victory, Adoptee and Birth/First Parent: In what ways did your pregnancy trigger unacknowledged grief as an adoptee? What feelings did this bring up for you as you walked through the adoption process? Questions we ask Ashley Mitchell, Birth/First Parent: In Chapter 8, I wrote about informed consent. When asked if there was anything you wish you had been told before relinquishment, you replied, “I was not told how hard open adoption would be. I was not told that my child would want and need to be part of my life. I was never supported in how to process things as they come up in open adoption. I had to figure it out on my own.” We are standing here in your home state of Utah. Knowing what you know now, what should Utah adoption professionals be doing to convey that information to moms before relinquishment? Can you speak more about what is missing? How can we convey that information to moms who are going to make this decision? Question we ask Wes Hutchins, Adoptive Parent: Ethics can be costly, but fraud costs more. You resigned as president from the Utah Adoption Council in 2012 amidst your concerns about what you called “egregious cases of fraud” from a few of the other members of the council. There have been a lot of conversations about the concerns of fraud in many Utah adoption tourism cases in the legislature and the media. Can you speak more about the long-term impact of fraud and what the aftermath may look like? This episode concludes with Kelsey, Sara, and Lori reading their own published thoughts about ethics in adoption."Through trust, we can have an experience of healing. The systems that exist in many ways to exploit us can also be used to heal us." -- panelist and adoptee Dani Zimmerman Resources: Utah Adoption RightsCompilation of Utah Adoption Rights in the news Sara's op-ed in Deseret NewsReceipts about what's happening in UtahAn FBI warning about adoption fraud schemes Adoption Unfiltered™ book, events, book club discussion guide, resources, and more: https://adoptionunfiltered.com Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.comWant more Kelsey? Visit https://kelseyranyard.com Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com

“There’s so much out there about the people who are ‘successful’ at adopting, but there’s nothing about people who have walked away from the process.” — Jess Tennant, a woman who decided NOT to adopt, due, in part, to predatory adoption agency practices, in ep 31. Jess, is an ally in unfiltering adoption. In 2017 after waiting to adopt for many years, Jess and her husband decided to halt their efforts. Some of the reasons are chilling, as you’ll hear in her story. Jess is a beloved public school teacher in upstate NY, specializing in middle school special ed. She shares sentiments prospective adopters hear from adoption agencies that will make you squirm. She also shares observations about the culture of pronatalism and the ways it shows up pervasively for those wanting to adopt, and even more loudly for those who decide not to. Engage Further Resources: Jess is featured in Chapter 19 of Adoption UnfilteredJess’s current blog: Finding a Different PathJess’s infertility and adoption blog: My Path to MommyhoodJess’s journey to opennessInterview with Jess in Ep. 306 of Adoption: The Long ViewSara’s Newsweek article (mentioned)Jess’s panel for World Childless Week: “Oops! I completely forgot I could just adopt! Thanks for reminding me.”Gateway Women’s Collective via Childless CollectiveResources through World Childless WeekThe NotMom by Choice or by Chance Sara Easterly: Sara’s WebsiteSearching for Mom: A MemoirAdoptee-Voices.com@saraeasterlyauthor Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard: Twisted Sisterhood PodcastLove, Your Birth Mom@fromanothamotha Lori Holden: Lori’s WebsiteThe Open-Hearted Way to Open AdoptionAdoption: The Long View Podcast@lavluz

“Let’s start talking about mothers in crisis.” — Patrice Martin, DBA, on the many failures of baby boxes, in ep 30. Patrice Martin is uniquely qualified to speak on the topic of baby boxes, which is a phenomenon that takes existing Safe Haven laws an unnecessary step too far. Patrice herself was abandoned as a newborn. Hear why, in spite of — because of! — her own history as a “foundling,” Patrice is arguing in front of state legislatures around the country against baby boxes and how to get better results with proposed funding than putting babies in boxes. Sara talks about what this extra disconnection from humans and from one’s origins means to adoptees. Kelsey explains the differences between existing Safe Haven laws and the Baby Box movement, and the false dichotomy about Baby Boxes. Lori suggests that when a supporter of this legislation holds up the use of a baby box as a success, that instead, it is a failure. Engage Further Dr. Patrice Martin: Patrice’s story on TLC’s Long Long FamilyAngela Tucker’s interview with PatricePatrice’s testimony on TN HB2067 (begins at 55:40)Continuity of Care studyPatrice on InstagramAdoptee Prayer Collective on InstagramSara Easterly: Sara’s WebsiteSearching for Mom: A Memoir Adoptee-Voices.com @saraeasterlyauthor Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard: Twisted Sisterhood Podcast Love, Your Birth Mom @fromanothamotha Lori Holden: Lori’s Website The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption Adoption: The Long View Podcast @lavluz Adoption Unfiltered’s episode on the Abortion/Adoption debate Colorado’s Baby Box Bill: Lori’s Testimony At The State Capitol

“Our decision and application to adopt literally caused what happened to the very child we wanted to help.” —Jessica Davis, Founder and Executive Director of Kugatta, in ep 29. What if you discovered that the child you adopted was not actually an orphan, but someone who had been trafficked away from her family and placed in an orphanage on your behalf? This is the situation faced by activist Jessica Davis, founder and executive director of the nonprofit Kugatta.com. You don’t want to miss her story of courage and conviction, and if you’re an adoptive parent, you will for sure be asking yourself, “what would I do?” Maureen McCauley is mom to four interracial adoptees (all adults now), through U.S. infant adoption (her sons) and through Ethiopian adoption (her daughters). She also has three granddaughters. Through her long-running blog Light of Day Stories, Maureen investigates and brings us stories that need more light on them. She is a co-facilitator with Adoption Mosaic for “Seasoned Parents,” a class for adoptive parents who want to better understand adoption and whose children are adults, and “Navigating Estrangement,” for adoptive parents who are estranged from their adult children. Her wisdom, on display here, has helped so many. Sara shares how accountability to the adoptee by the adoptive parent eventually becomes necessary. Kelsey offers a formal invitation to adoptive parents. Lori points to the importance of alignment of adoptive parent’s needs and adoptee’s needs. When they’re in conflict, which one takes precedence? Engage Further Related Conversations: Adoption Unfiltered interview with Kathryn Joyce, author of The Child Catchers Lori’s interview with Maureen McCauley on the Dance of Adoptive Parenting Jessica Davis: Kugatta Maureen McCauley: Light of Day Stories Lions Roaring Far From Home Adoption Mosaic’s Seasoned Parents course (and others) Sara Easterly: Sara’s Website Searching for Mom: A Memoir Adoptee-Voices.com @saraeasterlyauthor Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard: Twisted Sisterhood Podcast Love, Your Birth Mom @fromanothamotha Lori Holden: Lori’s Website The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption Adoption: The Long View Podcast @lavluz

“So many parents are showing up and listening. I’m going to keep showing up with them.” —April Dinwoodie, episode 28. After decades in this space as a transracial adoptee, activist, executive director, podcaster, mentor, and many other roles, what still surprises April? How might people do this work in a healthy way? What can be the personal costs of advocacy? We talk about this and so much more in a fascinating conversation that covers family preservation, the state of adoption, and spaces in between. Engage Further April Dinwoodie: April’s Website Adoption Knowledge Affiliates Transracial Journeys Quality Improvement Center Born in June Raised in April Podcast Calendar Conversations Podcast @aprildinwoodie @juneinapril   Sara Easterly: Sara’s Website Searching for Mom: A Memoir Adoptee-Voices.com @saraeasterlyauthor   Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard: Twisted Sisterhood Podcast Love, Your Birth Mom @fromanothamotha   Lori Holden: Lori’s Website The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption Adoption: The Long View Podcast @lavluz

“You’re dealing with a lot of external politics, but there are a lot of internal politics, too.” —Betsie Norris, Founder and Executive Director of Adoption Network, in ep 27. How did original birth certificates become available to adult adoptees in Ohio? What were the arguments of the those opposed? What can be the effect of activism on our loved ones, like Betsie’s adoptive father? Betsie also reveals the pressing issues today and lessons learned after 35 years as an accidental activist for the next wave of activists.

“When I found out the name of my birth mother, it was the first time I felt tethered to the earth … in many respects, I was then able to walk on the earth.” —Greg Luce, Executive Director of Adoptees United and Attorney and Founder, Adoptee Rights Law Center Why does Greg work so passionately to open original birth records to adult adoptees in remaining closed states? Which are the states to watch this legislative session? What/who was the practice of sealing records designed to protect? (May not be what you think.) Are there downsides of transparency when the situation involves victims of sexual abuse, domestic violence, or human trafficking? What prevents adoptees from being able to get drivers’ licenses, passports, and other forms of identity documentation? How is it that there are ongoing deportations of adoptees who had been adopted by US citizens, and what is adoptive parents’ role in rectifying this? Kelsey, Sara, and Lori explore all this and more with Greg. Listen in for issues that have great import for not only adoptees, but also birth parents and adoptive parents.

“One of the most surprising things is the feedback I’ve gotten from people who find Adoptees On: ‘OMG, I literally thought I was the only who had these internal, tumultuous feelings.’ ” —Haley Radke, host and creator of the podcast Adoptees On. Is there such a thing as an ethical adoption? What are the implications of upstream vs downstream efforts to prevent mother-child separation? What would true informed consent look like for placing parents and for adopting parents? Is adoption a permanent solution to a temporary situation? And underneath it all, what is the role of deeply listening while tackling such big questions? We do it—we go into hard places that include religion and politics. Tune in to hear our multiple perspectives.

“Looking at adoption in all its many facets is extremely difficult for any of us. The narrative is rainbows and butterflies and we all learn too late. It tells each of us what we want to hear.” — Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy, “information purveyor and data hoarder,” in ep 24. What do two birth mother activists talk about when comparing notes from back-in-the-day to current day? What progress has been made and what’s left to do? What gets in the way and what helps make adoption policies and practices more transparent and less predatory? Be a fly on the wall in this discussion between Claudia, who placed in 1987, and Kelsey, who placed in 2018. Both have long been asking the question, “How can we fix this!?” — on the arduous quest to change things up in big ways. Sara and Lori weigh in, too. It’s a conversation not to be missed!

“When we shared our stories, found our voices, started to speak and connect, there was so much in common, regardless of our birth countries.” — Lynelle Long in Ep 23. Lynelle Long founded InterCountry Adoptee Voices in 1998 to educate, support, connect, collaborate, galvanise and give voice to intercountry adoptees from around the world. In 2023, she spoke at the United Nations about a Joint Statement on illegal intercountry adoptions: “Victims of Illegal Intercountry Adoption Speak Out.” As outlined in our book, Adoption Unfiltered, Sara, Kelsey, and Lori talk with Lynelle about how easily intercountry orphan care can turn into intercountry trafficking, and what provisions are (and are not) in place to protect children and families. Reflecting on 25 years in this arena, Lynelle tells us what she hopes to accomplish in the next 25 years.

This season we are shining a light on the work done by Adoption Advocates and Activists! “If I was allowed to grieve from the minute I found out I was adopted, my whole life trajectory would have been different. If only I had been allowed to feel sad.” — Pamela Karanova in ep22 Pamela is a beacon of light in the adoption community. Her own difficult circumstances led her to launch Adoptees Connect, communities of in-person support that exist around the US and Canada so that adoptees know they are not alone in their experiences. She also originated Adoptee Remembrance Day, which aims, among other things, to provide awareness on the too-often linked phenomenon of adoptees and suicide. What does all of this mean for adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents. and allies? Sara, Kelsey, and Lori talk with Pamela about her activism efforts in creating spaces of connection and healing for adoptees. Show Notes: Pamela Karanova: ⁠Pamela’s Website⁠ ⁠Adoptees Connect⁠ ⁠Adoptee Remembrance Day

“What is the hard part about adoption? ADOPTION is the hard part of adoption.”—A guest in Episode 21 Several adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and allies gather around the table to suss out the question, “What is hard about adoption?” Is it relinquishment vs adoption? Abandonment vs assimilation? Is it severance of family and cultural ties? Is it having to forage for information? Is it ignorance coming into the adoption process for both expectant parents and adoptive parents? Is it later feelings of guilt and regret for all we did not know? Is it separation that’s felt all through the years? Is it unexpected and unacknowledged grief? Is it the gratitude that is expected? Is it the imbalance in power dynamics? Is it powerlessness over how the story is told? Is it any number of other aspects brought on by the institutionalization of adoption?   Thanks to each of our guests—each of whom we interviewed for our book, Adoption Unfiltered—for sharing their personal experience, professional insights, and hard-won wisdom about the hard parts of adoption.

What are the deeper layers of the connection between attachment and food? This is a fascinating conversation with Deborah MacNamara, PhD, author of Nourished: Connection, Food, and Caring for Our Kids (and everyone else we love), for anyone dealing with digestive or attachment issues—which is, likely, all of us. “If food is not served in the context of togetherness, then it serves emotional distress and can’t be digested well. The whole system isn’t primed and ready to focus on nutrition; it’s focused on solving an emotional problem. This doesn’t mean parents aren’t trying; it’s what the child is experiencing.” Our conversation covers: How we can show our caring through food, to help our children depend on us and show that they’re on our radar. Why the developmental approach is so important to our understanding of adoption, to look at dependence and vulnerability rather than behaviors. What Maslow’s hierarchy missed and why Maslow missed it. How both adoptive parents and birth parents can nourish the adoptee through relational radar. Kelsey’s connection to Grandma Peggy’s carrot cake.

What would it be like to live in a community that protects you from pain, grief, loss, and other difficult feelings? How would it be to have so much sameness among community members that envy was eradicated? What if individuals were prevented from making bad choices? What would happen in a community that completely downplays genetic connections, a community in which everyone is an adoptee? Newbery Medalist Lois Lowry envisioned such a community in her 1993 young adult novel The Giver, which is on many banned books lists, and was also adapted into a 2014 film starring Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep. Over the years, many of us in the adoption community have read The Giver without a backdrop of adoption, but when we re-read it with adoption in mind, the story pops in a completely new way. Watch here as adoptees, birth parents, and an adoptive parent discuss a dystopia in which emotions are suppressed, Birth Mother is a job assignment, and everyone lives in the fog—except for protagonist Jonas and title character, The Giver. Special thanks to panelists Julian Washio-Collette and Muthoni Gaciku Kittredge for sharing their observations as an adoptee and birth parent, respectively. Note: If you are interested in discussing The Giver in your own book club and would like access to our free discussion guide, please write to [email protected] with your request. The Giver book: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giver The Giver film: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Giv...) One Child Nation film (mentioned): https://www.onechildnation.com/ Want more Sara? Visit https://saraeasterly.com/ Want more Kelsey? Visit https://www.instagram.com/fromanotham... Want more Lori? Visit https://LavenderLuz.com/ Adoption Unfiltered: https://www.adoptionunfiltered.com/

Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao has been living adoption for more than 75 years as an adoptee—and professionally connected to adoption for 55 years in various roles, including as a psychologist and lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She is the author of The Family of Adoption, and we three authors are incredibly fortunate that Dr. Joyce has written the foreword to our book, Adoption Unfiltered. Sara Easterly (adoptee), Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent), and Lori Holden (adoptive parent) get to talk with Dr. Joyce about the history—and future—of adoption. Sara, Kelsey, and Lori thank our lucky stars for the opportunity to talk with this national treasure in the world of adoption to glean some of her immense wisdom and perspective.