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Have you ever lived with something for so long that you stopped questioning whether it was actually normal? That was the thought I couldn't shake after my conversation with John Ossipinsky, The LymphMan. During our interview, I shared my experience with sleep apnea. I had been exhausted for so long that I didn't realize how bad I actually felt. It happened gradually, so I adjusted. It became my normal. And then I started thinking about how often we do the exact same thing emotionally. Especially as Adult Children of Dysfunction. We get used to reading the room. We get used to worrying that someone is upset with us. We get used to feeling guilty when we say no. We get used to putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own and replaying conversations in our heads. Eventually, we stop calling them patterns and start saying: "That's just who I am." But what if it isn't? In this episode of Tammy's Takes, we're exploring the difference between who you actually are and what your nervous system may have learned to do to survive. We'll talk about why awareness is such an important part of changing automatic patterns, why I teach Body Before Story, and how seemingly tiny moments can begin rebuilding self-trust. Because healing doesn't always require a massive breakthrough. Sometimes it's noticing that your jaw is clenched. It's realizing you're holding your breath. It's catching yourself automatically saying yes when you really want to say no. It's recognizing that you're spiraling and choosing something different. Every time you notice an old pattern, you create an opportunity for a new response. So here's the question I want you to sit with after this episode: Is this really who I am...or is this something I learned? Because just because something has become familiar doesn't mean it belongs in your life forever. 💜 Ready to Start Recognizing Your Own Patterns?If you're realizing that you don't even know where your automatic responses end and the real you begins, let's talk. I offer a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call where we can look at what's happening in your life, identify some of the patterns that keep showing up, and talk about what it could look like to begin responding differently. Book Your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call

How much do you really know about your lymphatic system? Before this conversation, I knew the basics. I knew we had lymph nodes, I knew the lymphatic system didn’t have its own pump like the heart, and I’d even bought a rebounder and vibration plate because I knew movement could help support lymphatic flow. But after talking with John Ossipinsky, also known as The LymphMan, I realized there was a whole lot more to learn. John has spent more than 30 years studying and teaching about the lymphatic system. His passion for this work grew from his own health journey after years of struggling with IBS, heart palpitations, stress, weight gain, restless legs, back spasms, and other health challenges. He says that changing the way he cared for his body and supported his lymphatic system helped transform his health. In this episode, we get into the lymph-brain connection, the glymphatic system, hydration, stress, movement, posture, deep breathing, diet, and why John believes we should be paying much more attention to lymphatic health. John also demonstrates his simple LymphMan Shoulder Shuffle, an easy movement you can do throughout the day, and explains why something as basic as getting up, stretching, walking, breathing deeply, and moving your body can matter for lymphatic flow. We also talk about something I’m passionate about: starting small. Supporting your health doesn’t always have to mean buying another machine, supplement, or complicated program. Sometimes it starts with drinking water, getting out of your chair, taking a deep breath, moving your shoulders, and becoming more aware of what your body needs. John’s message throughout this conversation is simple: learn about your lymphatic system, keep your body moving, and take an active role in supporting your health. 🎁 JOHN'S FREE GIFTJohn is offering listeners his FREE Lymphatic System Health Guide, which includes a 7-day plan designed to help you begin supporting and opening up your lymphatic system. Visit HealthyLymphSystem.com to learn more and access John's resources. John specifically directs listeners to his website and describes the free download during the episode. Connect With John Ossipinsky – The LymphManWebsite: HealthyLymphSystem.com Instagram: @LymphMan on Instagram Facebook: LymphMan on Facebook X: @LymphMan on X YouTube: The LymphMan on YouTube LinkedIn: John Ossipinsky on LinkedIn Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

How often do you know something—and then immediately talk yourself out of what you know? For adult children of dysfunction, trusting yourself can be surprisingly difficult. When you grow up being told you’re too sensitive, overreacting, remembering things wrong, or responsible for everyone else’s feelings, you may slowly learn to question your own experiences. In this Tammy’s Takes, inspired by my conversation with Mindy Jackson, we’re talking about what it actually takes to rebuild self-trust after childhood trauma and dysfunctional family patterns. We explore why making even simple decisions can feel overwhelming, why you may automatically look to other people for answers, and how childhood hypervigilance can sometimes be mistaken for intuition. There’s an important difference between the two. Hypervigilance is scanning: Something bad might happen. I need to find it. Intuition can feel much quieter—an inner knowing underneath all the fear, analysis, and outside opinions. And learning to hear that quieter voice again doesn’t start with making a huge, life-changing decision. It can start with something as simple as asking: What do I want? What do I think? What do I feel? What do I need? Do I actually want to say yes? What would I choose if I weren’t afraid of someone else’s reaction? We’ll also talk about a simple awareness exercise Mindy shared that can help quiet some of the mental noise and bring you back into the present moment. Because rebuilding self-trust doesn’t mean believing every thought or assuming your instincts will always be right. It means beginning to trust that even when you don’t get everything right, you can listen to yourself, make a choice, and handle what comes next. If you grew up listening to everybody else’s needs, moods, opinions, and reactions before your own, your voice didn’t disappear. You may have simply gotten really good at listening to everyone else’s. Ready to reconnect with yourself?If you’re realizing that you don’t know what you want anymore—or you constantly second-guess your feelings, boundaries, and decisions—I’d love to help you explore what’s underneath those patterns. Book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call with me: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call Together, we can look at the patterns that taught you to disconnect from yourself and begin finding practical ways to reconnect with your body, your needs, your boundaries, and your own voice. Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

What happens when you've spent so many years being told not to trust yourself that you stop listening to your own inner knowing? For many adult children of dysfunctional families, this can become one of the lasting effects of growing up in an unpredictable environment. You learn to watch. You notice the tone of someone's voice. Their facial expression. The way they walk into the house. The tiniest shift in the energy of the room. Sometimes you become incredibly good at reading other people—but somewhere along the way, you may stop trusting yourself. In this episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I'm joined by Mindy Jackson, a psychotherapist, Reiki master, and spiritual coach who integrates psychological, nervous-system, energetic, and spiritual perspectives into her work. Mindy's own story began very early. She describes having a near-death experience at five years old and growing up highly sensitive, with mystical and spiritual experiences she didn't yet have language to understand. She also grew up with adversity, unpredictability, and mental-health struggles within her family. That combination led us into a fascinating conversation: What's the difference between intuition and hypervigilance? Mindy describes learning as a child to scan her mother's microexpressions and tone of voice because she didn't know what to expect. She even remembers being able to tell what kind of day it might be simply by the way a key went into the front door. If you grew up in dysfunction, you may recognize that immediately. Your ability to “read a room” may have started because reading the room helped you stay safe. But does that mean everything you sense today is fear? Or can you learn to distinguish an old survival response from genuine inner knowing? That's where this conversation gets really interesting. Mindy and I explore trauma, hypervigilance, nervous-system regulation, intuition, spirituality, self-trust, boundaries, people-pleasing, generational patterns, energy work, and what it means to reconnect with parts of yourself you may have learned to dismiss. We talk about: How trauma can put the nervous system into fight, flight, freeze, or fawnWhy children from unpredictable homes become so good at reading peopleHypervigilance versus intuitionWhy some highly sensitive children learn to shut down their inner knowingPeople-pleasing and the fawn responseLearning to trust yourself after years of conditioningNear-death and out-of-body experiences from Mindy's personal perspectiveGenerational and ancestral patternsReiki, energy healing, and spiritualityThe divine feminineFear-based versus connection-based livingHow boundaries and self-trust can grow togetherMindfulness and nervous-system regulationWhy curiosity can be an important part of discovering who you are One of the parts of our conversation that really resonated with me was Mindy's advice to people who have spent their lives worrying about what everybody else thinks: Start listening to yourself. She talks about reclaiming the freedom to explore your own beliefs, experiences, intuition, and curiosity rather than allowing the outside world to completely define who you're supposed to be. And isn't that so much of the work for adult children? When you've repeatedly been told: You're wrong. You're too sensitive. You're imagining things. That didn't happen. You're overreacting. Eventually, you don't need anyone else to question you. You start doing it to yourself. That's where rebuilding self-trust becomes so important. Mindy describes intuition almost like a muscle: when you begin trusting it a little, confidence can grow, and you become more willing to listen to yourself again. We also talk about the body. Because you can intellectually tell yourself that you're fine, but when something happens in real time, your nervous system may respond before your thinking mind has had time to catch up. The good news is that regulation skills and awareness can help us notice those reactions earlier and practice responding differently. Mindy leaves us with a surprisingly simple exercise. Ask yourself: “What is my next thought going to be?” Notice that tiny moment of blank space. Mindy describes that as shifting out of active thinking and into awareness—a space where she believes we can more easily access intuition, creativity, and inner knowing. She offers another simple practice: bring your awareness to the tip of your nose and notice that the air feels cooler as you breathe in and slightly warmer as you breathe out. For those few seconds, you're not analyzing. You're noticing. You're here. And maybe rebuilding trust in yourself doesn't begin with having all the answers. Maybe it begins with getting quiet enough to hear yourself again. 💜 CONNECT WITH MINDY JACKSONMindy provides psychotherapy to clients in Georgia and says her energy-healing and spiritual-coaching work isn't geographically limited. Psychology Today: Mindy Jackson's Psychology Today Profile LinkedIn: Connect with Mindy Jackson on LinkedIn Instagram: @jacksonmindy Facebook: Mindy Jackson on Facebook Additional Facebook Page: Connect with Mindy on FacebookHey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a...

Have you ever had a huge emotional reaction to something seemingly small and thought, “Why am I THIS upset about this?” For adult children of dysfunction, emotional triggers can sometimes have less to do with what's happening in the present moment—and more to do with what your nervous system learned during childhood. In this episode of Tammy’s Takes, inspired by my conversation with EMDR therapist Rebecca Fitzgerald, we’re exploring the connection between childhood trauma, emotional triggers, nervous system responses, abandonment wounds, and the beliefs we formed growing up in dysfunctional families. Maybe your partner's tone changes and your stomach immediately drops. Someone doesn't text you back and suddenly you're convinced they're upset with you. Your boss says, “Can we talk?” and your mind immediately jumps to the worst possible outcome. Someone sighs across the room and before you even realize what's happening, you're asking: “Are you mad at me?” “Did I do something wrong?” “What's wrong?” Logically, you may know you're safe. But your body is responding as though something much bigger is happening. Your Nervous System Remembers PatternsWhen you grow up in an unpredictable or dysfunctional home, you can become incredibly skilled at noticing tiny changes in your environment. A facial expression. A tone of voice. A door closing differently. A parent's footsteps. A sigh. As a child, paying attention to those signals may have helped you anticipate what was coming next. But those same survival patterns can follow you into adulthood. Someone you love may simply be tired—but your nervous system hears: Danger. Something is wrong. That's why instead of immediately asking, “What's wrong with me?”, I want to offer you a different question: “What does this feel familiar to?” That question can change everything. Maybe underneath your reaction is a fear that someone is angry with you. And underneath that is: “If they're angry, they won't love me.” Or: “People leave.” “I don't matter.” “My needs are too much.” “I have to keep everyone happy.” “I'm not safe.” These beliefs can form when we're very young. And after carrying them for decades, they may no longer feel like beliefs. They simply feel like the truth. When Your Reaction Feels Bigger Than the MomentThis doesn't mean every strong emotional reaction comes from childhood trauma. Sometimes you're angry because someone behaved badly. Sometimes a boundary really was crossed. Sometimes today's problem really is today's problem. But when your reaction feels much bigger than the situation in front of you, that's an opportunity to become curious instead of critical. Rather than: “Why am I like this?” Try: “What am I afraid is about to happen?” Then: “If that happened, what would it mean to me?” You may discover that today's trigger is touching an old fear or belief your nervous system has been carrying for years. And understanding that doesn't mean judging yourself or digging for a huge traumatic memory. It means beginning to listen to what your body may be trying to tell you. Your Practice This WeekThe next time you notice yourself thinking, “Why am I reacting like this?”, pause before criticizing yourself. Notice what's happening in your body. Where do you feel it? What are you afraid might happen next? And ask yourself: “What does this feel familiar to?” You don't have to force an answer. Just get curious. Because sometimes the more helpful question isn't: “What's wrong with me?” It's: “What did my body learn—and what does it need to learn now?” Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

You've heard people talk about EMDR. Maybe you've even heard incredible stories about how much it helped someone heal from trauma. But what actually happens during EMDR? Are you really just watching a light move back and forth? Do you have to relive every painful thing that happened to you? And what if your trauma feels so overwhelming that you don't even want to open that door? In this episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I'm joined by Rebecca Malley Fitzgerald, LCPC, owner of Shift Counseling PC in the Chicago suburbs. Rebecca has been practicing EMDR since 2009 and specializes in short-term adjunct EMDR therapy. And we're doing something I've wanted to do for a while: We're breaking EMDR down in plain English. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, but Rebecca explains that the process is much more individualized than the name might suggest. Often, someone comes into therapy because there's something they simply can't seem to get past. A current situation may feel disproportionately overwhelming, but when you begin looking underneath it, you may discover an older experience connected to feeling unlovable, abandoned, unsafe, or helpless. That's especially relevant for adult children of dysfunctional families. Because sometimes the thing triggering you today isn't only about today. We talk about how an experience can become connected to earlier beliefs and memories—and why two people can go through similar experiences but process them very differently depending on the support they had at the time. Rebecca also walks us through what actually happens during an EMDR session, including identifying a memory or image, the belief connected to it, the emotions and physical sensations that arise, and the use of bilateral stimulation such as tapping, the butterfly hug, visual movement, or alternating audio. We talk about:What EMDR actually isHow EMDR works in a therapy sessionBilateral stimulation and the nervous systemWhy present-day triggers can connect to childhood experiencesEMDR for childhood and complex traumaWhy regulation and preparation matter before processing traumaWhy you don't have to compare your trauma to someone else'sWhat adjunct EMDR therapy meansWhether you should try EMDR techniques by yourselfThe difference between regulation tools and processing trauma on your ownThe Flash TechniqueWhat happens when a memory feels too overwhelming to approachResourcing before trauma processingDissociation and complex traumaUnmet developmental needsInner-child and reparenting conceptsWhy healing doesn't always have to mean years of suffering One of the most interesting parts of this episode is our conversation about the Flash Technique. YOu can find out more about that here: Rebecca explains that it developed from the EMDR world as a way of working with material that may feel too distressing for someone to fully activate and focus on. Rather than immersing yourself in every detail of the traumatic experience, the technique uses a much lighter touch on the distressing target while engaging with positive material and bilateral stimulation. For someone thinking: “I know I need help, but I don't want to go back into all of that.” This part of the conversation may be especially interesting. We also talk about something I believe strongly in: Your trauma doesn't have to be “bad enough” compared with somebody else's trauma to deserve attention. If something changed the way you see yourself, relationships, safety, love, or the world around you—and it's still affecting how you show up today—it's worth exploring. Rebecca also explains how EMDR-related approaches can incorporate work around unmet childhood needs. Instead of reinforcing the belief “I didn't receive love because I wasn't lovable,” the work can help someone begin recognizing: I had needs that weren't met. Those are two very different stories to carry through life. And if you've avoided trauma therapy because you're afraid it will mean opening everything up and becoming completely overwhelmed, I especially want you to hear Rebecca's final message. Trauma treatment doesn't necessarily have to be scary or take forever. The appropriate approach depends on the person, their history, their support, their readiness, and what they're trying to work through. You don't have to suffer simply because you've been suffering for a long time. There may be another way forward. 💜 CONNECT WITH REBECCA MALLEY FITZGERALDRebecca is an LCPC and owner of Shift Counseling PC in the Chicago suburbs. She notes in the episode that she is licensed to work with clients in Illinois. Connect with Rebecca on LinkedIn YOu can also visit Rebecca at : https://www.shiftcounselingpc.com/rebecca-malley-fitzgerald Visit Shift Counseling PC

Have you ever looked back at a younger version of yourself and thought, Why did I put up with that? Why didn't I say something? Why did I keep trying so hard to make everyone happy? In this Tammy’s Take, Tammy explores an idea that came out of her conversation with Renae Linsom: when you know better, you can do better. For adult children of dysfunction, it's easy to look backward with everything we know today and judge the choices we made years—or even decades—ago. But the truth is, that younger version of you didn't have the knowledge, tools, or awareness you have now. You weren't consciously choosing people-pleasing, hypervigilance, staying quiet, or taking responsibility for everyone else's emotions. You were adapting to the environment you were in. The problem is that sometimes the environment changes, but the patterns follow us into adulthood. renae linsom follow up renae linsom follow up Tammy explains why awareness can take us in two very different directions. We can use it to beat ourselves up for what we didn't know—or we can get curious and ask, “Now that I see this, what do I want to do differently?” renae linsom follow up And changing a lifelong pattern doesn't have to mean changing everything overnight. Sometimes it starts with waiting five seconds before trying to fix someone's feelings, saying “Let me think about that and get back to you” instead of automatically saying yes, or simply making one small choice that honors you. renae linsom follow up Tammy also gives you one simple practice to try tomorrow morning: Before you pick up your phone or start taking care of everyone else, ask yourself: “What is one thing I could do today that would make me feel 1% better?” Not completely healed. Not completely different. Just 1% better. renae linsom follow up Because healing doesn't have to happen in one giant transformation. Sometimes it begins with recognizing an old pattern and making one tiny different choice. If you're beginning to recognize your own patterns but aren't sure how to change them, Tammy invites you to book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call to explore what's showing up and identify one small step that can begin moving you forward.

What do you do when something happens that changes your life so completely that you don't even recognize yourself anymore? At just 21 years old, Renae Linsom suddenly lost her mother. One day they were talking about the future. Then everything changed. Renée describes the years that followed as one of the darkest periods of her life. She couldn't find a reason to be happy and says she actually lost her smile—something that had always been such a big part of who she was. But somewhere inside that darkness, something began to shift. Renée realized that even though she had been knocked down, she still wanted to live. She still wanted to thrive. And there was still something she was here to do. In this episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, Renée and I talk about grief, faith, writing, the power of our words, finding purpose after loss, and what it really looks like to begin moving forward when you don't have everything figured out. For Renée, part of that journey meant returning to church. Another part meant going back to school and finishing what she had started—not only for herself, but as a way of honoring what her mother had poured into her. And I love something that came out of this part of our conversation: Sometimes when you can't believe in yourself yet, you have to borrow somebody else's belief in you. Renée also discovered another powerful tool along the way: Writing. She had wanted to be a writer since childhood, but eventually realized that writing wasn't simply something she was good at—it could also help her process experiences, put words to things she had carried for years, and help someone else realize, “I'm not the only one who has felt this way.” We talk about why getting your thoughts onto paper can be so freeing, even if nobody else ever reads them. You don't need to be an author. You don't need perfect grammar. You don't even have to keep what you write. Sometimes you simply need somewhere for everything you've been carrying to go. We also have a fascinating conversation about the power of words—the words other people speak to us, the words we speak to ourselves, and the words we put out into the world. Because most of us can remember something painful somebody said to us years ago. But we can also remember the person who said exactly the right thing when we desperately needed to hear it. Our words matter. And sometimes something as simple as a smile, a kind word, or telling someone to have a beautiful day can create a ripple effect we never get to see. Renée and I talk about how differently we can affect the people around us simply by becoming more intentional about what we're putting into the world. But perhaps my favorite part of this conversation comes at the end. Renea says: “Moving forward solves all problems.” Her point isn't that moving forward makes grief or difficult experiences magically disappear. It's that change requires movement. You don't have to transform your entire life today. You can make one change. One decision. One different response. One step. Renea shares how she once decided she simply wanted to read more. She committed to reading one book a month—and eventually looked back and realized she'd read 25 books in a year. That's how change often happens. Not through one enormous breakthrough. Through small decisions repeated consistently. And if you're listening today thinking, I don't even know where to start, I want you to ask yourself the same question I share at the end of this episode: What is one thing I can do today that would make me feel 1% better? Then do that. You don't need the entire road map. You just need your next step. 👑 CONNECT WITH Renea LinsomLearn more about Renée, her writing, podcast, work, and social platforms here: Visit Renae's Facebook Page Here: Renéa also shares in the episode that you can find her across social media under Queen Reliable Renéa.

What if the relationship you keep trying to fix isn’t the relationship you actually have—but the relationship you’ve spent years hoping it could become? After my conversation with Dr. Sharon Martin about family estrangement, boundaries, guilt, and healing, I wanted to dig deeper into something many adult children of dysfunctional families struggle with: the hope that maybe this time, they’ll finally change. Maybe they’ll understand. Maybe they’ll acknowledge what happened. Maybe you’ll finally have the relationship you always wanted. But at some point, healing may require a different question: Am I dealing with the relationship I actually have, or am I still waiting for the relationship I always needed? In this Tammy’s Take, we talk about what acceptance really means, grieving what you never received, and why feeling guilty doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. Most importantly, we shift the focus away from “How do I get them to change?” and back toward the question you actually have some control over: What do I need now? You don't have to make a huge decision today. You don't have to decide whether to stay, leave, forgive, reconnect, or create distance. You can start by seeing the relationship clearly—and listening to yourself. If you're recognizing that you've spent years trying to change relationships you cannot change by yourself, book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call with Tammy and start identifying what you need to move forward. Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

What do you do when the relationship you're desperately trying to save is with the very people who hurt you in the first place? Maybe you've tried communicating differently. You've forgiven. You've set boundaries. You've gone to therapy. You've given another chance—and then another. But nothing really changes. And when you finally consider stepping back, limiting contact, or even going no contact with a parent, the guilt begins: Am I a bad daughter? Am I a bad son? What if I regret this? They're still my parents...shouldn't I keep trying? In this powerful episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I sit down with psychotherapist and author Dr. Sharon Martin, who has more than 25 years of experience helping adult children navigate dysfunctional family relationships. Sharon is the author of Cutting Ties with Your Parents and The Better Boundaries Workbook. And I want to make something clear: this conversation isn't about telling you to cut off your parents. It's about recognizing what you can control—and what you can't. Sharon explains why family estrangement is rarely as simple as people make it sound. For many adult children, there's a gray area: periods of low contact, reconnecting, trying again, pulling back, or taking space while figuring out what they actually need. We also explore why it can be so incredibly difficult to let go of the hope that someday your parent will finally see you, understand you, accept you, or give you the love and approval you've spent a lifetime wanting. Even in adulthood, that longing can remain incredibly powerful. And when we didn't receive those things from our parents, we may find ourselves continuing to seek them—not only from our family, but in other relationships as well. Dr. Martin and I talk about boundaries, guilt, shame, family roles, emotional abuse, gaslighting, people-pleasing, self-trust, grief, and the complicated decision to create distance from a dysfunctional parent. One of the most important parts of this conversation is understanding what happens when you finally stop asking: “How do I change them?” and begin asking: “What can I control?” Sometimes creating space gives you an opportunity to stop managing the crisis in front of you long enough to begin healing what has accumulated behind you. Sharon describes that healing as accepting what is, grieving what you needed but didn't receive, developing boundaries and emotional regulation skills, practicing self-compassion, and even learning how to re-parent yourself. We also talk about something that is especially close to my heart: Who are you when you stop being who your family needed you to be? For many adult children, years of people-pleasing and shape-shifting can make it difficult to even know who they are. Sharon explains that healing can create space to explore your own identity, values, wants, and parts of yourself that may never have felt safe to express. And no matter what you ultimately decide about your relationship with your family, Sharon leaves us with an important reminder: Be gentle with yourself. These are difficult decisions that often come after years of difficult experiences. You don't have to have everything figured out today. 💜 CONNECT WITH DR. SHARON MARTINLearn more about Sharon, her books, free resources, and her work: Website: Live Well with Sharon Martin Facebook: Dr. Sharon Martin on Facebook Instagram: Dr. Sharon Martin on Instagram YouTube: Sharon Martin on YouTube Her book Cutting Ties with Your Parents is available wherever books are sold. Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

How much of your personality is really you—and how much of it developed because of what your family needed you to be? Maybe you're the responsible one, the helper, the peacekeeper, the high achiever, or the person who never needs anything. Maybe you've always described yourself as independent, easygoing, or a people-pleaser. But have you ever stopped and asked: Is that actually who I am—or is that who I learned to be? In this Tammy’s Takes, inspired by my conversation with Margaret Eastman Smith, we're going deeper into generational patterns, family conditioning, self-abandonment, and what happens when we begin separating our authentic selves from the roles we learned to play growing up. When you're a child, you don't analyze whether your family dynamics are healthy. You adapt to them. If keeping the peace helps you feel safe, you become the peacekeeper. If achievement earns approval, you achieve. If someone in your family is always struggling, you may become the caretaker. If expressing your needs causes conflict, you may learn not to have—or at least not to express—many needs at all. Eventually, those survival adaptations can start feeling like personality traits. And years later, someone asks a seemingly simple question like “What do you want?” and you may genuinely have no idea. In this episode, we're talking about why that happens and why learning to consider yourself can actually feel uncomfortable when you've spent years focusing on everyone else. We'll explore self-abandonment, people-pleasing, family roles, inherited beliefs, nervous system safety, and why belonging can sometimes become more important than being yourself. I'll also give you a simple exercise to begin separating what you inherited from what you consciously choose. Take a piece of paper and create two columns: I learned that I should… What I actually believe or want now… Maybe you learned: I should always keep everybody happy. But today you believe: Someone else's disappointment doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong. Maybe you learned: Being productive makes me valuable. But now you're beginning to understand: My value doesn't disappear when I'm resting. This isn't about blaming your family or deciding everything you inherited was bad. Margaret's story reminds us that we can inherit beautiful things, too—curiosity, compassion, purpose, connection, resilience, and values we genuinely want to keep. Healing gives us the opportunity to decide: This stays. This doesn't. This belief is mine. This one isn't. This part of my family story comes with me. This pattern ends here. And that's where self-trust begins. 💜 YOUR TAMMY'S TAKES CHALLENGE This week, catch yourself one time saying: “That's just who I am.” Then pause and ask: Is it? Or did I learn to be this way because it helped me feel safe, loved, needed, accepted, or connected? You don't have to change it immediately. Just get curious. Because you don't have to reject where you came from to become who you are. You simply get to decide what you're taking with you. 💜 READY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN PATTERNS? If you're realizing that you don't know where your family's expectations and survival patterns end and you begin, this is exactly the kind of work I help people with. Book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call with me: Book Your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call We'll look at the patterns that keep showing up, where they may have started, and how you can begin creating more nervous system safety, self-trust, and connection with the person you actually are. 💜 You survived the dysfunction. Now you get to discover who you are beyond it. Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

How much of who you are is actually you—and how much was handed to you by your family, your culture, your religion, and generations that came before you? In this episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I sit down with author, historian, and educator Margaret Eastman Smith for a fascinating conversation about generational trauma, family history, identity, belonging, and what happens when you finally begin questioning the life you were taught you were supposed to live. Margaret spent nearly two decades on the faculty of American University’s International Peace and Conflict Resolution program, studying the role history and memory play in divided societies. But her newest book, A Spectacular Inheritance, turns that lens inward, examining her own family history, her parents’ trauma, and the powerful culture in which she was raised. Margaret grew up surrounded by people committed to changing the world. There was tremendous purpose and idealism in that environment, but there were also expectations about who she should be, what she should believe, and how she should live. By age 35, Margaret realized she needed to step outside of that world and discover her own way of living. But leaving was only the beginning. Because what happens when you've spent your life adapting to the expectations around you and suddenly have to ask: What do I believe? What do I want? What do I need? And who am I when I'm no longer being who everyone expected me to be? Margaret describes how, growing up, even the idea of exploring her own needs felt almost forbidden. She also recognized that she had spent years trying to protect and rescue her parents, compromising parts of herself in the process. And THAT is where this conversation becomes so relevant for adult children of dysfunction. We talk about how trauma can ripple through generations, how children learn to adapt to the unresolved wounds of their parents, why separating from a family or belief system can leave you wondering who you actually are, and why discovering yourself can feel both incredibly freeing and incredibly scary. We also get into something I talk about all the time: connection. If connection didn't feel safe growing up, creating healthy relationships later in life isn't always as simple as deciding you want them. Sometimes we first have to learn how to connect with ourselves. Margaret and I talk about authentic connection, curiosity instead of judgment, learning what genuinely lights you up, and creating enough space in your life to hear your own voice. We even talk about why stillness can feel so uncomfortable for adult children of dysfunction. When you've spent years being hypervigilant, performing, producing, caretaking, or trying to meet everyone else's expectations, simply sitting with yourself can feel surprisingly unsafe. This conversation is about more than looking backward. It's about understanding what you inherited so you can decide what you want to carry forward—and what you're finally ready to leave behind. Margaret's final message says it beautifully: Be true to yourself and find connection. Connect with Margaret Eastman SmithLearn more about Margaret, A Spectacular Inheritance, her writing, and her work: MargaretEastmanSmith.com Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.

Have you ever had a relatively small situation create a surprisingly big emotional reaction? Someone doesn’t text you back. Your partner’s tone changes. Someone seems irritated. You feel left out, criticized, or unappreciated—and suddenly your mind is creating an entire story about what it means. If you grew up in a dysfunctional or unpredictable family, there may be a reason those moments feel so intense. In this Tammy’s Takes, I’m following up on my conversation with Meagan DeMatteo and going deeper into something we discussed called emotional sobriety—learning how to experience our emotions without automatically allowing them to determine what something means or what we do next. For many adult children of dysfunction, being highly aware of other people was once a survival skill. We learned to watch faces, listen to changes in tone, sense the energy in the room, anticipate what might happen next, and adjust ourselves accordingly. But those patterns don’t necessarily disappear when childhood ends. Sometimes the person or situation in front of us activates something much older. The emotion we're experiencing is absolutely real—but the story our brain attaches to that emotion may not be the whole truth. In this episode, I’ll teach you how to begin separating three things that can happen so quickly they feel like one: The trigger. The feeling. The story. We’ll also talk about why a big reaction can sometimes be a clue that an old belief or wound has been activated, and how my Body Before Story approach can help you slow down before automatically reacting. I’ll give you three questions you can use when you notice yourself becoming activated: What am I feeling? What story am I telling myself about what just happened? What do I actually know to be true? Because there’s a big difference between: “She hasn't answered my text.” and “She hasn't answered because she's upset with me, I did something wrong, and she's pulling away.” One is what happened. The other is the story your nervous system may be creating around what happened. The goal isn't to stop having emotions. Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration and hurt can all give us valuable information. The work is learning how to feel the emotion without automatically handing it the steering wheel. And that little bit of space between the trigger and your response? That’s where you begin to have something you may not have had when you were growing up: Choice. 💜 READY TO UNDERSTAND THE PATTERNS UNDERNEATH YOUR REACTIONS? If you grew up in dysfunction and find yourself overthinking, people-pleasing, fearing rejection, shutting down, reacting strongly, or constantly trying to figure out what everyone around you is thinking or feeling, this is exactly the kind of work I help people with. Book your complimentary Clarity & Calm Call here: Book Your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call We can look at the patterns that keep showing up in your life, what may be underneath them, and how you can begin building more nervous system safety, emotional regulation, and self-trust. 💜 You survived the dysfunction. Now you get to discover who you are beyond it.

What does emotional sobriety mean for adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families? If childhood trauma taught you to stay on guard, people please, expect disappointment, overreact to triggers, or constantly prepare for what might go wrong, you may still be reacting to life through survival patterns you learned years ago. In Part Two of my conversation with Meagan DeMatteo, author of Emotionally Sober and Unimaginably Good, we go deeper into what happens when childhood dysfunction follows us into adulthood—not just through our thoughts, but through our emotions, relationships, reactions, and nervous system. Meagan shares a powerful idea from her own ACA recovery: adult children can become reactors instead of actors. When you grow up around alcoholism, addiction, trauma, or unpredictability, you learn to respond to what's happening around you. You put out fires. You stay prepared. You protect yourself from disappointment. You learn to watch the people around you instead of asking yourself what you want or need. Those survival skills may have helped you navigate childhood, but they can also follow you into adulthood as hypervigilance, people pleasing, emotional reactivity, control, distrust, anxiety, and the feeling that you always have to be prepared for something to go wrong. That's where emotional sobriety comes in. In this conversation, Meaghan and I explore what it looks like to experience an emotion without allowing that emotion to automatically control your reaction, your relationships, or the story you create about what's happening. We talk about triggers, emotional regulation, inner child healing, reparenting yourself, people pleasing, self-trust, subconscious beliefs, nervous system regulation, and learning to pause before those old knee-jerk survival responses take over. Meaghan shares a powerful example from her own healing when she began noticing an old belief underneath many of her reactions: “Everybody always needs something from me.” Instead of shaming herself for having the reaction or immediately trying to convince herself that it wasn't true, she learned to listen to that younger part of herself. She observed it. She acknowledged it. She created safety around it. And then she began looking for evidence that the belief she had carried for so long might not actually be true anymore. That's an important distinction for adult children: Awareness is the first step. But awareness gives us the opportunity to choose what happens next. We also talk about learning to name your emotions, noticing where you feel them in your body, understanding the beliefs underneath your reactions, building new patterns, allowing yourself to be witnessed, and realizing that having an emotion doesn't mean you have to act on it. Because emotional regulation isn't about never getting triggered. Healing isn't about never feeling angry, scared, disappointed, overwhelmed, ashamed, or hurt. It's about learning how to experience those emotions without allowing them to run your life. And Meaghan leaves us with a beautiful reminder: Emotion is energy in motion. It moves. You don't have to suppress it. You don't have to be afraid of it. And you don't have to let it drive the bus. If you've ever wondered why you can logically know you're safe but still have a huge emotional reaction—or why something seemingly small can trigger something that feels much bigger—this episode will help you begin looking underneath the reaction. Because sometimes the adult you knows everything is okay... while a much younger part of you is still preparing for what used to happen next. 💜 If you haven't listened to Part One of my conversation with Meaghan, go back and listen to that episode first, then come back for this deeper conversation about emotional sobriety, childhood trauma, ACA recovery, inner child healing, emotional regulation, nervous system healing, self-trust, and creating a life that is more than simply survivable. About Meagan DeMatteoMeaghan DiMatteo is the author of Emotionally Sober and Unimaginably Good. Through her writing and lived experience, she explores emotional sobriety, ACA recovery, childhood survival patterns, self-awareness, and what becomes possible when we begin taking responsibility for our healing without shaming ourselves for how we learned to survive. Connect with MeaganContinue the conversation with Meaghan and follow her work on emotional sobriety, emotional recovery, ACA recovery, and creating an unimaginably good life. 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/megdematteo ✍️ Substack — The Unimaginably Good Life: https://substack.com/@megdematteo Connect with TammyIf you're beginning to recognize your own childhood survival patterns and you're ready to understand what's underneath the people pleasing, overthinking, triggers, self-doubt, or emotional reactions, you don't have to figure it out alone. 💜 Learn more about Tammy's coaching, resources, and support: https://www.tammyvincent.com/ 💜 Book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call 🎧 Follow the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast for more conversations about adult children of alcoholics, dysfunctional families, childhood trauma healing, nervous system regulation, emotional neglect, people pleasing, boundaries, self-trust, inner child healing, and breaking generational patterns. You are allowed to feel your emotions without letting them run your life. 💜

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, Why didn't I say something? I knew exactly what I wanted to say—why couldn't I say it? Maybe someone crossed a boundary and you froze. Maybe you automatically said, “It's fine,” even though it wasn't. Maybe someone asked what you wanted and you immediately said, “I don't care.” Then, 20 minutes later, when you were safely by yourself, all the words finally came. That doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a voice. Your nervous system may have learned that using it wasn't safe. In this Tammy's Takes, I'm going deeper into something that came up during my conversation with Rich Dunning, author of Silence Was My First Language. Rich described how silence became part of surviving his childhood and how those protective patterns continued long after the original danger was gone. For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families, speaking up may once have had consequences. Maybe disagreeing led to anger. Having needs created problems. Saying no wasn't allowed. Expressing feelings got you mocked, dismissed, punished, or ignored. Eventually, nobody has to tell you to stay quiet anymore. Your nervous system can begin doing it automatically. In this episode, I'm teaching you how that childhood survival response can show up in adulthood as freezing, people-pleasing, going blank, automatically agreeing, struggling to set boundaries, or knowing exactly what you wanted to say only after the conversation is over. Most importantly, we're talking about how to begin changing it. I'll walk you through a simple Body Before Story approach for those moments when you feel yourself shutting down. Instead of forcing yourself to find the perfect words, we start by helping the body recognize that this moment is different from the ones it learned to survive. And finding your voice doesn't mean becoming the loudest person in the room. It can begin with something as small as saying, “Let me think about that and get back to you,” recognizing “I actually don't want that,” or simply admitting your truth to yourself. This week, I want you to notice one moment when your automatic response doesn't match what you're actually feeling and ask yourself: “If I knew it was completely safe to tell the truth right now, what would I say?” Your voice isn't necessarily gone. It may have been protected. And now you can begin teaching your nervous system that it's safe to use it again. 💜 READY TO START RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN PATTERNS? If you recognize yourself in this episode—if you freeze, shut down, people-please, struggle to say no, or can't find your words when you need them—this is exactly the kind of work I help people with. Book a complimentary Clarity & Calm Call and let's look at the patterns that keep showing up, what may be underneath them, and how you can begin building the internal safety and self-trust to respond differently. Book Your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call You survived the dysfunction. Now you get to discover who you are beyond it.Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know there’s even more support waiting for you. Book Your Free Clarity and Calm Call: No Judgement, just a chat https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/clarity-and-calm-call If you are curious about where you stand energetically, or just need a frequency boost, book your FREE biofrequency voice scan here: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/complimentary-scan-demo if you want to take part in an amazing club, where you can get unlimited scans and free coaching every month, sign up here: $25 ($250 Value) Join For One Month Here https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/JQz3QDrr/checkout If you would like to ask a question, and hear the answer in a future episode, please leave your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/Tammyvincentcoaching Trials To Triumph: An Adult Child's Emotional Freedom Blueprint: Use code THRIVE25 for 75% off today. https://workshops.tammyvincent.com/offers/DSbcgrZZ/checkout As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves. My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies, 🔑 Start Your Healing JourneyFind ALL THE THINGS HERE: Anything that I have to offer is right here ✈️ Bonus for Travel Lovers!Did you know I also offer access to an amazing travel savings program that can help you save up to 70% on hotels, resorts, cruises, and more? Let’s compare your next upcoming itinerary and see how much you could save. 👉 Try the Trip Check: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/trip-check 📺 Subscribe to My YouTube Channel 👉 Adult Child of Dysfunction on YouTube 🌟 Book Me to Speak at Your Event 👉 Let’s connect: https://calendly.com/tammyvincent/speakers-event-chat 🫶 Let’s Connect📩 Email: [email protected] 📱 Text: 513-280-3555 🌟 If this episode helped you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit follow. Every share helps break generational cycles and brings healing into more lives.