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In this episode,  sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell joins host Whitni Miller to unpack why desire and libido are not the same, why mismatched sexual interest can emerge even in loving relationships, and how context shapes what makes sex meaningful. They explore the emotional needs beneath wanting sex and offer practical ways for couples, especially queer women, to talk about desire, consent, and experimentation without needing everything figured out first. Cyndi Darnell is a sex and relationship therapist, somatic sexologist, educator, and author based in New York City. Her work sits at the intersection of sexuality, relationships, embodiment, and emotional intimacy. Cyndi helps people understand the often complicated relationship between desire, connection, identity, and the body. She works with individuals and couples navigating low desire, mismatched libido, sexual anxiety, relationship challenges, and the many ways intimacy can change over time. Her approach is somatic, curious, sex-positive, and relationship-centered. Rather than treating sexuality as a problem to be fixed, Cyndi sees sex and intimacy as skills that can be explored, learned, and developed. Her work makes space for diverse relationship structures and identities, including queer relationships, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and kink. She is the author of Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire, and her work focuses on helping people move beyond shame, obligation, and outdated ideas about what relationships and sex are “supposed” to look like. Cyndi offers therapy, counseling, education, and online programs through her website. Learn More about Cyndi:http://www.cyndidarnell.com   Follow Cyndi:IG- @cyndi_darnell YouTube - @cyndi_darnellTikTok @cyndi_darnellFB @cyndidarnellpage Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode, Whitni and Béa discuss emotional outsourcing a bit more, boundaries, self-trust, and mindful practices to enhance relationships and personal growth. They share practical tips on meditation, setting boundaries, and embracing authenticity to foster healthier connections. Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the bestselling "End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcoming Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (Hachette Balance, 2025) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy. She is the host of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, holds a Masters degree in Public Health from Boston University School of Public Health and a BA in Latin American Studies from Oberlin College. Born in Mar del Plata, Argentina, Béa grew up in the great state of Rhode Island. She has been working in health & wellness for over 20 years and lives with her wife, Billey Albina and their handsome all-black cat Wade Elizabeth. Learn More about Béa:https://beatrizalbina.com/   Follow Béa:IG- @beatrizvictoriaalbinanp YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@beavictoriaalbina Podcast - Feminist Wellness https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminist-wellness/id1454980022  Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller and Béa discuss the concept of emotional outsourcing, where individuals seek their sense of safety, belonging, and worth from external sources rather than within themselves. They explore the implications of enmeshment and codependency, the importance of somatic practices in fostering self-awareness, and the necessity of authentic communication in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the need for curiosity, consent, and the establishment of safe spaces for meaningful dialogue, ultimately guiding listeners towards building healthier connections and understanding their own needs. Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the bestselling "End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcoming Your Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (Hachette Balance, 2025) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy. She is the host of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, holds a Masters degree in Public Health from Boston University School of Public Health and a BA in Latin American Studies from Oberlin College. Born in Mar del Plata, Argentina, Béa grew up in the great state of Rhode Island. She has been working in health & wellness for over 20 years and lives with her wife, Billey Albina and their handsome all-black cat Wade Elizabeth. Learn More about Béa:https://beatrizalbina.com/   Follow Béa:IG- @beatrizvictoriaalbinanp YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@beavictoriaalbina Podcast - Feminist Wellness https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feminist-wellness/id1454980022  Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Whitni and Erin continue their conversation getting into the complexities of lesbian relationships, while discussing the dynamics of libido and sexual compatibility. They explore societal expectations, personal experiences, and the importance of communication in fostering intimacy and desire. The discussion highlights the challenges faced by individuals in navigating their sexual identities and relationships, emphasizing the need for open dialogue and understanding. Learn More about The Lesbian Peep Show Podcast: https://thelesbianpeepshow.com Follow Erin Brown: ALL Platforms - @iamerinbrown Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

This month Whitni talks with Erin Brown, a public sociologist and host of the Lesbian Peep Show podcast. They delve into the concept of 'lesbian bed death,' exploring its origins, implications, and the societal narratives surrounding sexual desire in lesbian relationships. They discuss the historical context of feminist sex wars, the impact of shame on women's sexual autonomy, and the importance of curiosity in understanding one's desires. The conversation emphasizes the need for open dialogue about sexual expression and the complexities of intimacy in relationships. Learn More about The Lesbian Peep Show Podcast: https://thelesbianpeepshow.com Follow Erin Brown: ALL Platforms - @iamerinbrown Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller discusses with Meagan and Sofia Black the importance of investing in relationships, understanding emotional permeability, and the value of proactive communication. They explore how scheduling intimacy can enhance connection and reduce conflict, while also emphasizing the significance of emotional vulnerability in fostering deeper intimacy. The conversation highlights practical tools like transition rituals and the benefits of prioritizing pleasure in relationships. Meagan and Sofia are a fun-loving couple that recently eloped after being together for 3 years.  They always thought they had something special and wanted to build onto their foundation. After listening to Whitni on social media for several years, they decided to be proactive in their relationship and invest into the BDE program. They are so grateful for making that decision and are excited to come on the podcast to share their experience! Apply for the program here → https://form.jotform.com/260554585738065  Follow Meagan & Sophia at:IG - @trianglehomesalesYouTube - @LivinginDurhamNorthCarolina Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller engages with Meagan and Sofia Black, two graduates of her intimacy coaching program. They discuss their journey of self-discovery, communication, and the importance of pleasure in their relationship. The conversation explores how they navigated their intimacy challenges, broke down shame, and learned to prioritize their own pleasure, ultimately leading to a deeper connection with each other. Meagan and Sofia are a fun-loving couple that recently eloped after being together for 3 years. They always thought they had something special and wanted to build onto their foundation. After listening to Whitni on social media for several years, they decided to be proactive in their relationship and invest into the BDE program. They are so grateful for making that decision and are excited to come on the podcast to share their experience! Apply for the program here → https://form.jotform.com/260554585738065  Follow Meagan & Sophia at:IG - @trianglehomesalesYouTube - @LivinginDurhamNorthCarolina Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller and her wife Janelle continue to delve into the intricacies of their Dominant-Submissive (DS) dynamic, addressing more questions from YOU, their community. They explore the importance of setting boundaries, the nuances of establishing a DS relationship, and the significance of communication and presence in kink. The conversation emphasizes the need for self-awareness, confidence, and the playful aspects of maintaining a healthy dynamic. They share personal anecdotes and practical tips for navigating the complexities of pleasure and intimacy within queer relationships. Resources Referenced in this episode are: The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy Conquer Me: Girl-to-Girl Wisdom About Fulfilling Your Submissive Desires by Kacie Cunningham The Loving Dominant by John Warren The Body is Not an Apology by Sonia Renee Taylor FetLife BDSM Community Kink Workshops and Dungeons Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller and her wife Janelle delve into their dominant-submissive (D/s) dynamic, discussing how it enhances their relationship. While answering YOUR questions they explore the importance of consent, communication, and vulnerability in navigating their unique connection. The conversation highlights the empowering aspects of their dynamic, the significance of aftercare, and how their relationship fosters intimacy and trust. Resources Referenced in this episode are: The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy Conquer Me: Girl-to-Girl Wisdom About Fulfilling Your Submissive Desires by Kacie Cunningham The Loving Dominant by John Warren The Body is Not an Apology by Sonia Renee Taylor FetLife BDSM Community Kink Workshops and Dungeons Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', sex and relationship coach Craig Cassey and host Whitni Miller discuss building satisfaction in relationships through psychological interventions, focusing on mindset crafting, understanding different couple archetypes, and practical strategies for enhancing intimacy and desire. Craig Cassey is a relationship & sex coach and researcher who helps couples reignite their desire and co-create mutually fulfilling relationships in the bedroom and beyond. Learn More From Craig Cassey Jr.:https://www.coaching-naked.com Follow Craig Cassey Jr:TikTok - @akacoachcraigIG - @craigcasseyjr Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', sex and relationship coach Craig Cassey and host Whitni Miller discuss the complexities of desire, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. Topics include managing differing libidos, building safety and trust, and redefining what pleasure means in modern relationships. Craig Cassey is a relationship & sex coach and researcher who helps couples reignite their desire and co-create mutually fulfilling relationships in the bedroom and beyond. Learn More From Craig Cassey: https://www.coaching-naked.com Follow Craig Cassey Jr: TikTok - @akacoachcraig IG - @craigcasseyjr Learn More From Whitni: https://www.bde-moves.com Follow Whitni at: IG - @bde.moves FB - groups/bdemoves YouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalks TikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', host Whitni Miller connects with Christabel Mintah-Galloway. Christabel is a writer, nurse and a relational skills teacher. In this episode they explore the importance of embracing diverse relationships, the power of vulnerability and accountability, and the significance of authenticity in both personal and professional spaces. They discuss how healing can be a political act and the necessity of creating safe spaces for healing and growth. The dialogue emphasizes the need for radical honesty and the value of prioritizing pleasure and personal growth in life. Follow Christabel Mintah-Galloway:TikTok - @richqueerauntiesIG @christabelmintahgalloway Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', host Whitni Miller connects with Christabel Mintah-Galloway. Christabel is a writer, nurse and a relational skills teacher. In this episode Christabel shares her journey of navigating relational skills, community building, and the importance of being in touch with one's body. She discusses the impact of trauma on intuition and the significance of authenticity in relationships. The dialogue emphasizes the need for interdependence and reciprocity within communities, as well as the importance of self-discovery and patience in personal growth. Christabel encourages listeners to embrace their pleasure and connect with their bodies as a means of empowerment. Follow Christabel Mintah-Galloway:TikTok - @richqueerauntiesIG @christabelmintahgalloway Learn More From Whitni:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', host Whitni Miller engages with Vicki and Nicole, a couple who recently married after completing Whitni's signature BDE coaching program. They discuss their journey of discovering intimacy, communication, and the tools that helped them navigate their relationship. The conversation highlights the importance of prioritizing oneself, the evolution of their understanding of intimacy, and the joy of making significant life decisions together. The couple shares their experiences with emotional tools that have enhanced their connection and how they are preparing for a new chapter in their lives. More about Vicky and Nicole that they wanted to share. They met almost 5 years ago in the most unlikely of places. Hinge. Just as they were both set to delete the app, Vicky sent a message to Nicole, and they haven’t stopped chatting since. Shortly after moving in together, life began to life. Job changes, health issues, and more left little time for intimacy. After attempting to self diagnose for too long, they sought out help from Whitni via her signature coaching program. Now, they are stronger than ever, recently eloped, and are using the tools from the program to help keep intimacy present in their relationship in all forms.  Follow Vicky and Nichole:@vowvixens Learn More From Whitni or apply to the program:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves

Show Notes:In this heartfelt episode of 'Own Your Pleasure', Whitni Miller and her guests Vicky and Nicole explore the journey of intimacy and connection in relationships, particularly within the queer community. They discuss the challenges faced in their relationship, the importance of seeking help through therapy and coaching, and the significance of communication and understanding intimacy. They share their experiences of navigating pressures around intimacy, the turning points in their relationship, and the ongoing practices that help them maintain a strong connection. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-care and personal growth in fostering healthy relationships. Vicky and Nicole's story serves as an inspiring testament to the power of love and the journey of self-discovery within a relationship while embracing support that strengthens the relationship at its core by working through Whitni’s signature coaching program. More about Vicky and Nicole that they wanted to share. They met almost 5 years ago in the most unlikely of places. Hinge. Just as they were both set to delete the app, Vicky sent a message to Nicole, and they haven’t stopped chatting since. Shortly after moving in together, life began to life. Job changes, health issues, and more left little time for intimacy. After attempting to self diagnose for too long, they sought out help from Whitni via her signature coaching program. Now, they are stronger than ever, recently eloped, and are using the tools from the program to help keep intimacy present in their relationship in all forms.  Follow Vicky and Nichole:@vowvixens Learn More From Whitni or apply to the program:https://www.bde-moves.com  Follow Whitni at:IG - @bde.movesFB - groups/bdemovesYouTube - Podcast Channel = @BDE-Moves Old Channel = @BdeTalksTikTok - @bdemoves