Advertise on podcast: Proxy with Yowei Shaw

The case of the other woman.  Ellie never thought she’d be the other woman. Then she fell in love with a married man.  In this episode, we find Ellie a proxy: another woman who knows what it’s like to end up in the same impossible position. Together, they talk about shame, responsibility, and what it means to live with a choice you regret when you don’t regret where it led. Proxy’s fall membership drive is happening now. If you want to help keep the show independent — and get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and more — become a paid member at proxyhq.org 🍏 New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, about a nonbinary person married to a man who still identifies as straight.  Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the guy who keeps falling for his female friends. Ryan Jay has a problem. He makes friends with women. They get close. Then he falls for them. It’s happened enough times that Ryan Jay is starting to question whether he actually knows how to be friends with women without wanting to date them. So we bring in a proxy to help Ryan Jay figure out why friendship keeps turning into romance for him — and whether there’s another way to do this. Proxy’s fall membership drive is happening now. If you want to help keep the show independent — and get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and more — become a paid member at proxyhq.org 🍏 From the episode: —  Andrew Smiler, a licensed therapist and the author of Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy. Find out more about his work at www.andrewsmiler.com. New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Taelor Doesn't Want to Have Sex, about an asexual woman trying to figure out how to find the kind of intimacy she wants, without the part she doesn’t. Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the woman about to start medical school who’s scared to ask for help with her drinking. Chloe loves her life. There’s just one problem: she’s starting to drink more than she wants to, and she doesn’t understand why. But Chloe is scared that asking for help could threaten the career she’s worked so hard for. So how do you deal with a drinking problem before it becomes an emergency? How do you know when it’s serious enough to do something? And what actually helps people change? In this episode, we find Chloe a proxy: an addiction psychiatrist who got sober at the same age Chloe is now. Together, they talk about genetics, trauma, secrecy, accountability, AA, and what it takes to address a problem before your life falls apart. Proxy’s fall membership drive is happening now. If you want to help keep the show independent — and get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and more — become a paid member at proxyhq.org 🍏 Learn about alcohol treatment: — National Institute on Alcohol and Alcoholism — evidence-based information about medications, behavioral treatment, and mutual-support options — NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator — finding quality treatment in the U.S. — Healthdirect Australia — alcohol treatment and support in Australia Resources for doctors and medical students: — Drs4Drs — confidential support for doctors and medical students across Australia — Australian Doctors in Recovery — confidential peer support for healthcare professionals in recovery — Federation of State Physician Health Programs — directory of U.S. physician heath programs New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Sam Doesn’t Know How to Be Rich, another story about trying to understand a troubling pattern before it turns into an emergency. Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

Before Proxy comes back on September 22, Yowei and Kyle hold a tiny business meeting about the state of the show: more listeners, fewer members, a new membership goal, and what it’ll take to make year three. Also, Comcast has thoughts.

The case of the asexual woman who wants romantic partnership with no sex.  Taelor wants a partner who wants what she wants: closeness, commitment, emotional intimacy, a life together. Just not sex. But years of dating as an asexual woman has left Taelor wondering if what she wants is too specific to find. Does she keep trying? And if love without sex isn’t possible for her, how does she cope? How do you grieve a life you still want but aren’t sure you’ll get? In this episode, we find Taelor a proxy: an asexual woman who's been married for 12 years without having to compromise on sex. Together, they talk about boundaries, loneliness, and how to keep fighting for the love you want when the world keeps telling you your version of it doesn't count.  From the episode: — The Ace Couple podcast that Courtney hosts with her partner Royce — Courtney Lane's work as a Victorian hair artist and historian Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation. New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Alex's Husband Is Too Straight, another episode about wrestling with attraction and longterm romance outside the usual script. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the progressive rich guy who doesn’t know what to do with his money. Sam grew up middle class, built a company, sold it, and suddenly found himself with more money than he ever expected. But instead of feeling free, Sam feels stuck. He doesn’t want to become the kind of rich person he used to judge. He doesn’t want money to change his relationships. He doesn’t want to hoard it. He doesn’t even want to talk about it. In this episode, we find Sam a proxy: David Steely, a former millionaire who has since given most of his money away. Together, they talk about secrecy, guilt, redistribution, enoughness, and the morally complicated question: what are you supposed to do when you have more than you need? From the episode: — Resource Generation — an organization for young people with wealth and class privilege working toward wealth redistribution — Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) — a group that organizes white people for racial and economic justice New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, a story about regret, comparison, and the fantasy of the unlived life. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife.  Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman? In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all: will you still want me if I change? New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool." For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro. For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how.  In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update.   From the episode: — Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-host of How Long Gone. Follow him on Instagram and X @themjeans. — Scott Kiesling — professor of linguistics at the University of Pittsburgh, whose work explores masculinity and how men use talk to build relationships and their identities. Learn more at sfkiesling.com. New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match for another case about what happens when friends have different ideas of connection.  For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs.  Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone.  In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to feel like another demand. Please note: This story contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741. Featuring Jen Blough, LPC — therapist, compassion fatigue educator, and author of To Save a Starfish. Learn more at animalwelfarewellness.com. Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation. Resources on compassion fatigue, pet caregiving, and pet loss: —Compassion fatigue resources from ASPCApro —Pet caregiver burden resources from Insight Animal Behavior Services —Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-In-Lawfor another story about caregiver burden.  For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the writer whose inner narrator disappeared.  For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive. Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared. Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying question: if the thing that gave your life meaning is gone, how do you find the plot again? In this episode, Yowei finds Caitlin a proxy: musician and songwriter Greta Morgan, who lost her singing voice after COVID and had to figure out who she was without the voice that had defined her. Together, they investigate the grief of losing the thing that gave your life meaning — and how to find the plot again. From the episode:  — Caitlin Myer — author of Wiving— support her on Patreon and learn more: www.caitlinmyer.com — Greta Morgan — author of The Lost Voice — sign up for her Patreon and newsletter: www.gretamorganmusic.com New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about identity and ambition.  For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the organizer who's afraid to stop being angry.  Nicole knows how to be mad — and channel that into her work as a labor organizer and activist. The problem is, Nicole’s aggro mode doesn’t always stay in her political work. Sometimes it spills onto friends, family, and strangers. And underneath the anger, Nicole suspects there’s a feeling she’s afraid of: grief over the horrors she's fighting. against.  In this episode, Yowei connects Nicole with Deborah Gould, a former ACT UP activist and political theorist who has spent decades studying the emotions that fuel and fracture movements. Together, Nicole and Deborah investigate rage, grief, queer organizing, erotic energy, despair, and how to stay in the work without losing yourself to it. From the episode:  — Deborah Gould — Professor and Chair of Sociology at UC Santa Cruz, and author of Moving Politics: Emotion and ACT UP's Fight Against AIDS New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Jane Doesn’t Like Her Dogs for another story about a feeling you're ashamed to admit.  For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the woman who wants to forgive her mom, but doesn't know how.  Erin wants to forgive her mother. Not because her mother deserves it. Not because Erin wants a relationship with her. But because Erin is tired of feeling so angry.  The problem is, forgiveness feels like science fiction. How do you release resentment toward someone who hurt you deeply? How do you stop being mad without pretending what happened was okay? In this episode, Yowei connects Erin with Robert Enright — a psychologist who helped pioneer the science of forgiveness.Together, they investigate what forgiveness is, what it isn’t, and whether it’s possible to loosen resentment without letting someone off the hook. From the episode:  — Find Robert Enright — find his forgiveness program and free resources at the International Forgiveness Institute: www.internationalforgiveness.com — Read his book Forgiveness Is A Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope  New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or JC's Kids Won't Talk To Herfor another story when your version of a relationship doesn't match theirs For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the teenager who can't go home. Yaroslava was 16 when she woke up in Ukraine to the sound of explosions and had to flee her town in Ukraine.  Now Yara is 19, living in New York, studying digital marketing, arranging flowers, and doing better. But her grandma is still back home. Her friends are scattered. And every time Yara starts to enjoy her life here, she feels guilty for not being back home.  In this episode, Yowei hosts a proxy conversation between Yaroslava and Sariyah Abuzant, a filmmaker from Palestine who also had to make a life far from the place she loves. Together, they investigate displacement, guilt, long-distance friendship, and the small ways we keep home alive after we leave. From the episode:  — Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work: www.dignitybeyondborders.org, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders — Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa — Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat:https://vimeo.com/1101397354?fl=pl&fe=sh — Dignity Beyond Borders — learn more about their work: www.dignitybeyondborders.org Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn: @dignitybeyondborders — Yaroslava — on Instagram: @yasiiaaaa — Sariyah Abuzant — watch her film FordDat: https://vimeo.com/1101397354 New to Proxy? New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about when the road not taken won’t leave you alone For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the introverts and extroverts who love each other, but sometimes can't stand each other.  Why do some friends need constant contact, while others need three to five business days to text back? Why does one person’s “fun hang” feel like torture to another? And why does it hurt so much when the people we love have different ideas of what connection should look like? In this special Proxy conversation, Yowei brings together comedian Aparna Nancherla, extrovert Ryan Letts, and introvert-extrovert expert Jennifer Kahnweiler for a historic summit on introvert-extrovert relations. Together, they investigate the tiny social mismatches that can make friendship feel impossible: who reaches out, who disappears, who makes too much eye contact, who doesn't make enough, and why we all secretly suspect we're too much, or not enough.   From the episode:  — Aparna Nancherla — wrote Unreliable Narrator and is on Instagram @aparnapkin: www.aparnacomedy.com — Ryan Letts — runs Pando Integration Coaching — Jennifer Kahnweiler — hosts Introvert Ally and wrote The Genius of Opposites: www.jenniferkahnweiler.com New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, for another story about friends having trouble connecting.  For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]

An Emotions Beat episode about the reasons that keep going missing.  In  family estrangement, there's a strange pattern that shows up again and again: adult children say they've explained why they need distance, while parents say they have no idea what went wrong.  So where do the reasons go?  In part 2 of our estrangement series, reporter Kim Nederveen Pieterse talks with two therapists who work on opposite sides of family estrangement: Becca Bland, who is estranged from her own parents and now helps families navigate this, and Joshua Coleman, who became an expert on estranged parents after reconciling with his own daughter. Together, they unpack the explanations estranged families reach for — narcissistic parents, oversensitive kids, broken communication —  and what it takes for a parent to stop defending their version of events long enough to hear their child's pain.  From the episode:  — Becca Bland — follow her work with families and people surviving estrangement: www.beccabland.com — Joshua Coleman — read New Rules of Estrangement, subscribe to his newsletter Family Troubles, and learn more: www.drjoshuacoleman.com — Kim Nederveen Pieterse — listen to more of her reporting: www.kimnp.org New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-in-Law for another story about family, love, and trying to be heard. For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org. Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏 Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw Visit — proxypodcast.com Get in touch — [email protected]