Advertise on podcast: In The Messy Relationship Podcast

Why is it so hard to communicate your needs in a relationship? If you're afraid of rejection, conflict, or being seen as too needy, you might stay silent, overexplain, people-please, or express your hurt in ways you don't intend.In Episode 59 of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, communication skills, emotional regulation, and boundaries. Learn how to identify what you're feeling, understand the need underneath your reaction, and express yourself clearly without blaming others or abandoning yourself.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSecure-Self Scribbles: https://journal.feelgoodsecure.com/waitlist

Why do you feel lonely in a long-distance relationship, even when you love your partner? Waiting for texts, missing time together, and struggling with uncertainty can bring up relationship anxiety, anxious attachment, and fear of losing connection.In Episode 58 of In The Messy, Jan explores the challenges of long-distance relationships and how to manage loneliness, communicate your needs, and understand whether your feelings reflect past fears, current relationship concerns, or both.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSecure-Self Scribbles: https://journal.feelgoodsecure.com/waitlist

Why do you want a relationship when you're single, but miss being single once you're in one? In Episode 57 of In The Messy, Jan explores relationship anxiety, anxious attachment, fear of commitment, and the push-pull between wanting love and wanting freedom.Learn how to distinguish anxiety from genuine relationship concerns, clarify your needs and values, and use a weighted pros and cons list to make thoughtful decisions without needing perfect certainty.Whether you're single, dating, or questioning your current relationship, discover how to understand your conflicting feelings and choose a path that aligns with the life you want.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterSecure-Self Scribbles: https://journal.feelgoodsecure.com/waitlist

Do you have anxious attachment, or are you just experiencing relationship anxiety?In Episode 56 of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, reassurance seeking, fear of rejection, and insecurity in relationships and why an attachment label doesn't define you.Learn how to recognize recurring attachment patterns, separate anxiety from genuine relationship concerns, ground yourself when your mind starts spiraling, and respond from your secure self instead of reacting from fear.You are not broken, and anxious attachment isn't a life sentence. Your patterns can change, and healing is possible.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook

Why do you crave closeness but push it away when you finally receive it?In Episode 55 of In The Messy, Jan explores fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment and the confusing push-pull between wanting love and feeling unsafe with intimacy. Learn how past experiences can shape your attachment alarm, how to regulate before reacting, communicate your needs, and build more secure relationships.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook

Why are you so afraid of being alone? You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, unseen, or like you’re the only person who doesn’t belong.In Episode 54 of In The Messy, Jan explores fear of being alone, loneliness, anxious attachment, relational loneliness, and the fear of never finding your person. Learn why loneliness can make you settle for unhealthy connections, people-please, rush intimacy, or abandon yourself just to feel chosen.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow

Are you still experiencing anxiety and wondering if you’re actually healing? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the signs of healing from anxious attachment and relationship anxiety and why progress doesn’t mean never feeling anxious again.Learn how to recognize real healing through better emotional regulation, pausing before reacting, questioning anxious thoughts, recovering faster, trusting yourself, and making more secure choices. Jan also explores neuroscience, exposure therapy, EMDR, nervous system regulation, and how anxiety can become information rather than an instruction.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Can anxious attachment really change? If you've done the therapy, read the books, and understand your triggers but still get anxious, you're not failing.In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, earned secure attachment, and healing—and why getting triggered doesn't mean you're back at square one.Learn how to recognize real progress, regulate before reacting, build your secure self, and respond differently when anxiety shows up.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletterDay 2 of the Free Self-Help Workbook: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5Hv6gf3JT6JbmUM5AQnMLE?si=gUnoUmdhQY-yJfhLz0_oJg

Why can one delayed text, a change in tone, or a disagreement suddenly make you feel like your entire relationship is falling apart?Your partner takes longer to respond, someone you're dating suddenly goes quiet, or a conflict leaves you feeling disconnected and within minutes, the thought changes from “They haven't replied” to “They've lost interest. I did something wrong. I'm unlovable. I'm going to be alone forever.”In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores what really triggers relationship anxiety, including the deeper beliefs and old wounds that can become activated by present-day relationship experiences.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Relationship anxiety can follow you through every stage of love—from being single, to dating, to building a committed relationship. It can make frightening possibilities feel like facts and leave you wondering whether you should soothe your anxiety or listen to what it's trying to tell you.In Episode 50 of In the Messy, Jan brings together many of the themes we've explored throughout the podcast to talk about relationship anxiety, anxious attachment, emotional regulation, compatibility, and becoming your secure self.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you?In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-worth. If you've ever wondered why other people's love, encouragement, or validation doesn't seem to “stick,” this episode explores what may be happening underneath the surface.Reassurance seeking isn't automatically unhealthy. Human beings need connection, comfort, encouragement, and support. The problem begins when reassurance becomes the only way you can feel safe, worthy, lovable, or certain about yourself and when no amount of reassurance seems to be enough.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just around the corner. But whenever you ask where the relationship is going, you receive another vague answer: “I'm not ready,” “I don't like labels,” or “Why can't we just enjoy what we have?”Then, just when you're ready to leave, everything changes. They become affectionate, attentive, reassuring, and emotionally available. You feel hopeful again—and the cycle starts over.In Episode 48 of In The Messy, Jan explores why uncertain relationships can be so difficult to leave, especially when anxious attachment is involved. This episode looks at the push-pull dynamic of inconsistent relationships and why moments of intense affection can feel like commitment even when the underlying relationship hasn't actually changed.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookHope Vs Evidence cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/hopevsevidenceNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure attachment, this episode explores why you may have learned to hide your needs, suppress your emotions, avoid disagreement, and become “easy to love” in order to protect connection.Jan also explains why being authentic doesn't mean telling everyone everything or removing every mask overnight. Healthy authenticity includes boundaries, privacy, discernment, and learning how to express yourself in ways that are clear, kind, and true.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slowNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookSLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slowNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while you still have the opportunity. Inspired by her fourth wedding anniversary, Jan shares personal reflections on marriage, heartbreak, grief, meaningful relationships, and the people who have shaped who she has become.This episode explores why we sometimes take the people we love for granted, how unresolved hurt and anxious attachment can make us focus on what might go wrong, and how becoming more secure can help us hold the whole story — both the pain and the goodness.Visit: Janettechu.caEmail: jan[at]janettechu.caFree Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbookGratitude Highlight Reel: https://gift.janettechu.ca/gratitudeNewsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter