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This episode is brought to you by OBOO, makers of vibrators, lubricants, and vulva care for women in perimenopause and beyond. Use code TRUTH15 for 15% off at https://oboo.love In this episode, I’m back with sex researcher Melanie Curtin for part two, and we start with something I’ll admit right up front. I can talk to any stranger about anything, and I still find it hard to tell a man in bed that he’s crossed a line or that something hurts. Melanie’s research shows I’m far from alone. Just under half of the women she surveyed said telling a partner what isn’t working is a 7 out of 10 or harder, and 10% called it impossible. She walks me through the four fears underneath that silence, and why grinning and bearing it can feel safer than risking the relationship. Then she explains what men can do about it: lead instead of waiting, and say thank you when she finally tells the truth, even when it stings. From there we get into her heart-power matrix, why the nice guy and the bad boy both leave women unsatisfied, and what women really mean when they say they want to feel ravished. Melanie also explains why trauma bonds can pull harder than chemistry, why so many men are lonelier than they realize, and why the best way to attract a healthy partner is to do your own work first. In This Episode: 0:00 – Sponsor: OBOO 0:39 – Welcome Back to Part Two 1:32 – Why It’s Still Hard to Say “That Hurts” 2:44 – Fear 1: He’ll Lash Out 3:23 – Fear 2: He’ll Pull Away 4:09 – Fear 3: Feeling Like Something’s Wrong With Her 4:48 – Fear 4: Being Judged for What She Wants 6:00 – “Thank You for Telling Me”: How to Be a Safe Man 6:53 – When Silence Ends a Marriage 7:39 – Passive, Aggressive, or Leading? 9:36 – The Heart-Power Matrix 10:55 – What Polarity Really Means 11:47 – Too Nice vs. Too Rough: What Women Said 12:53 – The Integrated Man 14:12 – Feeling Taken and Safe at the Same Time 16:36 – Nice Guys, Players & Why Men Are So Lonely 18:34 – Why Women Go for the Bad Boy 19:52 – “He Read Me Like a Book” 20:45 – From Nice Guy to Bold and Direct 22:56 – Does Sex Make Women Bond Faster? 23:48 – Trauma Bonds & Attracting a Healthy Partner 26:12 – How the Patriarchy Hurts Men 27:31 – Where to Find Melanie To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Melanie Curtin is a sex and relationship coach and Stanford-educated sex researcher whose research is published in the Harvard Dataverse. She helps growth-minded men have thriving sex and love lives, whether they’re single or partnered. She surveyed 1,067 women about what makes a man great in bed, what makes him forgettable, and what they wish they’d told a past partner. She’s also the host of the Dear Men podcast. Connect with Melanie Curtin: Website: https://www.melaniecurtin.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melaniebcurtin/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melaniecurtin Podcast - Dear Men https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-men-how-to-rock-sex-datingand-relationships-with-women/id1347811999 About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

Do men need emotional connection to feel desire? The story we all learned says men just need a body and an opportunity, and women are the ones who need to feel close first. For a lot of men, that story is backwards. They just never say it out loud. I break down why men are taught from adolescence that wanting closeness is needy, and how that unspoken need shows up instead as irritability, withdrawal, or a sudden drop in desire. I explain the difference between vasopressin and oxytocin, why men often bond through shared effort and shared goals instead of long conversations, and how attachment style can make a guarded man disengage from intimacy as a form of protection, even decades into a relationship. Then I walk through the five places connection gets built or lost in long-term and midlife relationships: open communication, active listening, quality time, empathy, and physical touch outside the bedroom. You’ll hear what each one looks like in real life, why empty nest couples often lose quality time to logistics, and the easiest one you can restart tonight. This episode is sponsored by ARYA, a monthly intimacy membership curated by AASECT-certified sexologists. Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code TRUTH15 for 15% off. Check out my S*x Snacks: https://www.taboototruth.com/post/sex-snacks In This Episode: 0:00 – Do Men Need Emotional Connection to Want S*x? 0:07 – The Man Who Proved Me Wrong 0:30 – Why the “Men Just Need a Body” Story Is Backwards 1:20 – Attachment Style and Why He Pulls Away 2:19 – 5 Places Connection Is Built: #1 Open Communication 3:26 – #2 Active Listening 3:56 – Sponsor: ARIA 4:32 – #3 Quality Time: Vasopressin vs. Oxytocin 5:22 – #4 Empathy Without Fixing 6:12 – #5 Touch Outside the Bedroom 6:43 – Final Thoughts: Look for the Disconnection First To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I sit down with researcher and men’s relationship coach Melanie Curtin. She asked more than 1,000 women a question most men think they already know the answer to: what actually makes a man great in bed? Her findings blew up a lot of assumptions, mine included. We start with the number that stopped me. 61% of women say they’ve broken up with someone over the sex, and most never said a word to him about it. Melanie explains the pattern she saw again and again. A woman speaks up once or twice, watches nothing change, and decides to grin and bear it so she doesn’t feel like a nag. I share my own version of that story from my dating life right now, plus what menopause and dryness add to the mix. We get into why pain is one of women’s top complaints in bed and never shows up on men’s list, and why so many men touch a woman the way they’d want to be touched. Melanie’s rule is simple: if she asks for anything, multiply it by ten. We also talk about the arousal gap, the shame spiral that follows performance anxiety, and why the women in her research almost never mentioned erections, endurance, or a great body. The best lovers did something much simpler. They paid attention, in and out of the bedroom. Part two is coming next week, so stay close. 💓 This episode is brought to you by OBOO, makers of vibrators, lubricants, and vulva care for women in perimenopause and beyond. Use code TRUTH15 for 15% off at https://oboo.love In This Episode: 0:00 – Sponsor: OBOO 0:34 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 1:08 – Meet Melanie Curtin 2:21 – How the Research Worked (and Why It’s Subjective) 4:59 – Have You Ever Broken Up Over Bad Sex? 6:30 – Why Women Speak Up Once, Then Give Up 8:51 – Men’s vs. Women’s Top Sex Problems 11:12 – Why Her Body Is More Sensitive Than He Thinks 13:05 – Slow and Light: The 21-Minute Arousal Gap 14:30 – Menopause, Dryness & Why Slowing Down Matters 16:12 – Performance Anxiety: Why Some Men Stop Dating 18:33 – Why He Touches Her the Way He Wants to Be Touched 19:30 – The Couples Who Grin and Bear It 20:26 – Turn Her Feedback Up 10x 21:51 – Ask the Right Question, Then Actually Listen 22:25 – Masculinity, Menopause & His Silent Changes 23:16 – What 97% of Women Never Mentioned 24:12 – The Best Lover She Ever Had (No Intercourse) 25:37 – Losing an Erection Without Losing Her 27:30 – What 37% of Women Remembered Most 28:55 – Feeling Seen Is Foreplay 29:46 – Part Two Coming Next... About The Guest: About The Guest: Melanie Curtin is a sex and relationship coach and Stanford-educated sex researcher whose research is published in the Harvard Dataverse. She helps growth-minded men have thriving sex and love lives, whether they’re single or partnered. She surveyed 1,067 women about what makes a man great in bed, what makes him forgettable, and what they wish they’d told a past partner. She’s also the host of the Dear Men podcast. Connect with Melanie Curtin: Website: https://www.melaniecurtin.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melaniebcurtin LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melaniecurtin Podcast - Dear Men https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-men-how-to-rock-sex-datingand-relationships-with-women/id1347811999 About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

In this episode, I’m talking about what diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart health have to do with your sex life, and why a change in your erections deserves a doctor’s visit, not a private panic. Most men who notice a change ask themselves the wrong questions first. Am I still a man? Am I still desired? Is this the beginning of the end? That identity filter is exactly what keeps them out of the doctor’s office. Erectile difficulties are not a verdict on who you are. They’re a health signal. I walk through how high blood pressure and diabetes affect blood flow and nerves, why some blood pressure medications can be the real culprit, and why the arteries in the penis often show damage years before the heart does. I also get honest about where the shame comes from. Men were taught that masculinity lives in their erections, so any change feels like an indictment. It isn’t. It’s information. My ask: find a doctor you see regularly, so when the harder conversations come up, you already have someone you trust. And if this lands for you, send it to a man in your life who needs the nudge. ‼️ Your erections can flag a blood flow problem years before your heart does. That’s why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% using my link and code TABOO15 at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman Sign up for my free newsletter, where the real, unfiltered stuff lives: https://www.taboototruth.com In This Episode: 0:00 – Your Erection Could Be a Warning Sign 0:18 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:44 – The Identity Filter That Keeps Men From Getting Checked 1:06 – ED by the Numbers: Diabetes & High Blood Pressure 1:29 – How Blood Pressure and Diabetes Affect Erections 1:47 – When Your Blood Pressure Meds Are the Problem 2:10 – Your Body’s Barometer: The Heart Connection 2:47 – Newsletter Break 3:06 – Embarrassment, Quick Fixes & Where the Shame Comes From 3:36 – The Biggest Obstacle: Not Seeking Help 3:58 – Find a Doctor Before You Need One 4:34 – Final thoughts To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm back with urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman for part two of our conversation. We start with a question I hear all the time: does ejaculating often protect your prostate? She walks me through the research, why masturbation counts, and the plant-forward way of eating that protects your prostate along with every other organ. Then we get into prostate cancer. Dr. Pearlman explains why most men die with it rather than from it, when active surveillance makes sense, and why you should get more than one opinion before choosing a treatment. Most importantly, she explains how men can protect their sex lives: starting penile rehab before surgery, seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, practicing with a vacuum pump, and using Trimix injections when Viagra and Cialis aren't enough. She even believes many men can have the best sex of their lives after treatment. We finish with penis size. Dr. Pearlman shares why she asks every patient about size concerns, what traction therapy can realistically do for length, why she uses dissolvable hyaluronic acid for girth enhancement, and why you should always ask what the worst-case scenario is before any procedure. Her final advice: go to every appointment prepared, with a list of questions and a goal. Most men have no idea what's actually happening with their erections until something goes wrong. That's why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% off at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 00:00 – Intro 00:45 – Does ejaculating more protect your prostate? 02:05 – The diet that protects your prostate (and every other organ) 03:18 – Prostate cancer and your sex life 04:26 – Active surveillance: when you don't need treatment yet 05:00 – Why prostate cancer usually has no symptoms 06:14 – Your treatment options, and why to get more than one opinion 07:44 – Why penile rehab starts before surgery 08:24 – Pelvic floor PT before prostate surgery 09:26 – Learning the vacuum pump before you need it 10:00 – Trimix: penile injections explained 11:08 – How men learn to do their first injection 12:05 – Why injections work when Viagra doesn't 13:46 – Better sex after prostate cancer? 15:23 – Why men are obsessed with penis size 17:16 – Girth enhancement with hyaluronic acid 20:00 – Can you actually gain length? 21:30 – The worst-case question before any procedure 22:38 – What is Phallofill? 25:11 – Use ChatGPT to prep for your doctor's visit 26:47 – Where to find Dr. Amy Pearlman 27:38 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Dr. Amy Pearlman is a board-certified urologist and fellowship-trained specialist in sexual medicine, male hormonal health, and genitourinary reconstruction. She is the co-founder of Prime Institute in Miami, where she takes a modern, evidence-based approach to optimizing sexual health, hormones, and longevity. A nationally recognized educator and speaker, Dr. Pearlman is passionate about making conversations around sexual health more practical, approachable, and engaging. Her work bridges traditional medicine with emerging therapies and technologies, helping patients better understand their bodies and the growing number of options available to improve sexual function, confidence, and quality of life. Connect with Dr. Amy Pearlman: Website: https://www.primeinstitute.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amypearlmanmd YouTube: @DocAmyUrology Podcast: Fertility and Other F Words About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm opening up the toolbox most men refuse to touch: penis rings, vacuum pumps, and prostate massagers. Men avoid these products for the same reason they avoid the doctor. They think needing help means something is wrong with them. It doesn't. Your body at 50 isn't your body at 25, and a tool that works with it is a way to enjoy the body you're in right now, not an admission of failure. I break down what a ring can and can't do (it holds what's already there, it doesn't create it), why your overnight data can be an early warning sign for your vascular health, and the 30-minute rule I repeat every single time. I explain why pumps started in urologists' offices, why going slow matters more than going fast, and why this part of your body really does follow a use-it-or-lose-it rule. Then I get into the prostate, the gland most men ignore, the myth that keeps them from exploring it, and how it can support pelvic health. If there's a man in your life who's been quietly struggling, or just curious, send him this one. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – Rings, Pumps & Prostate Massagers 0:09 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:35 – Why Men Avoid These Tools 1:14 – How a Ring Actually Works 1:43 – When to Talk to Your Doctor 2:13 – Beginner Silicone Rings 2:28 – FirmTech: Hook Ring, Tech Ring & Add-On 3:17 – MyHixel & Lasting Longer 3:43 – Ring Options for Couples 3:58 – Ring Safety: The 30-Minute Rule 4:16 – The Ohnut: Comfort for Couples 4:51 – How Vacuum Pumps Work 5:09 – Dr. Joel Kaplan's Clinical Pump 6:02 – Go Slow: Pump Safety 6:23 – Use It or Lose It 6:44 – Bathmate Water Pumps 7:17 – Why Pumps and Rings Work Together 7:28 – Why the Prostate Matters 8:04 – The Myth That Holds Men Back 8:25 – Prostate Massage for Pelvic Health 8:44 – MysteryVibe Molto 9:04 – Aneros: Hands-Free Massagers 9:58 – Patience & Safety Basics 10:19 – Final Thoughts 10:37 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! Shop the products I mention: FirmTech Penis Rings (15% off) with my link: https://myfirmtech.com/karenbigman Couples: Kiiroo's Lux Him/Lux Her or FirmTech's vibrating attachment. Mystery Vibe Molto Prostate Massager (10% off) with Code: TABOO10 Silicone beginner rings (Amazon) MyHixel Pressure-point ring MyHixel Endurance Trainer Ohnut Buffer Rings Dr. Joel Kaplan Vacuum Devices (10% Off) with code TABOO10 Bathmate Penis Pumps (15% off) with code TABOO15 Jim Benson's The Multi-Orgasmic Lover ($50 off using my link) About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

In this episode, I sit down with urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman to talk about what men actually need from their doctors and so rarely get. We start with the urology visit most men dread: why she spends an hour or more just talking before she ever asks for an exam, what a prostate exam actually checks, and why your colonoscopy isn't telling you anything about your prostate. She explains why erectile dysfunction is so much more than a quick questionnaire and a Cialis prescription, and why she sees it as a door into a man's overall health. Then we get into testosterone. Dr. Pearlman explains why she's seeing low T in healthy-looking men in their 20s and 30s, why it's about health and not age, and what testosterone really does for mood, muscle, energy, and brain fog. She shares the question she asks every man before prescribing it, no matter how old he is, why so many men are turning to the black market, and why there's no age at which a man stops being a candidate. Most men have no idea what's actually happening with their erections until something goes wrong. That's why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% off at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 00:00 – Intro 00:40 – Meet Dr. Amy Pearlman 02:17 – What's a woman's role in men's health? 06:52 – Why men dread the urologist 08:29 – The opt-in exam: what a visit should really feel like 09:55 – The prostate exam, explained (and the colonoscopy myth) 11:38 – Why ED is more than a questionnaire 12:29 – FirmTech 12:58 – When should men start seeing a doctor? 15:27 – The warning signs men shouldn't ignore 16:47 – Why men need a "well man" visit 17:21 – Viagra with no exam: when ED is a warning sign 18:58 – Why testosterone is dropping, even in young men 21:16 – What testosterone actually does 22:41 – The fertility question before any testosterone 24:30 – Black market testosterone and why men go there 25:50 – Is low T the new Viagra? 27:45 – Testosterone after 55: is there an age cutoff? 28:36 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Dr. Amy Pearlman is a board-certified urologist and fellowship-trained specialist in sexual medicine, male hormonal health, and genitourinary reconstruction. She is the co-founder of Prime Institute in Miami, where she takes a modern, evidence-based approach to optimizing sexual health, hormones, and longevity. A nationally recognized educator and speaker, Dr. Pearlman is passionate about making conversations around sexual health more practical, approachable, and engaging. Her work bridges traditional medicine with emerging therapies and technologies, helping patients better understand their bodies and the growing number of options available to improve sexual function, confidence, and quality of life. Connect with Dr. Amy Pearlman: Website: https://www.primeinstitute.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amypearlmanmd About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm talking about testosterone in midlife, menopause, low sex drive, and why so many women on hormone therapy are still missing the one hormone nobody thought to check. I learned this the hard way: after my divorce, I was dating again and having more sex than I had in years, and my pleasure started to disappear, even though I was already taking estrogen and progesterone. It took finding a sexual medicine practice before anyone mentioned testosterone. I use that experience to take apart some of the biggest myths about testosterone. It isn't only a male hormone (when we're younger, women actually make more of it than men). A "normal" result doesn't mean much if your provider doesn't know how to read it. More isn't better. And a men's product at a much smaller dose isn't dangerous when the right clinician prescribes it. I also explain why low T in men builds so slowly that many don't notice it until their 50s and 60s, what men who want children should know before starting treatment, and why testosterone can help a relationship but will never fix one on its own. If you've been told your libido loss is "just menopause" or "just age," this episode gives you the language to go back to your provider and ask better questions. And a friendly reminder: don't take your partner's testosterone. The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 0:00 – Low T Isn't Just a Men's Problem 0:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:46 – Testosterone: More Than the "Male" Hormone 1:24 – How Men and Women Make Testosterone 1:56 – How Testosterone Changes as We Age 2:34 – Signs of Low Testosterone in Men 3:30 – Signs of Low Testosterone in Women 3:58 – My Story: Why My Orgasms Stopped 4:23 – It's Not Always Testosterone 4:56 – Total T, Free T & SHBG Explained 6:08 – Why Testing Units and Timing Matter 7:09 – Arya.fyi 7:35 – There's No Magic Number for Women's Desire 8:12 – How Men Are Diagnosed and Treated 9:11 – What Testosterone Can Do for Women 10:02 – Side Effects for Men 10:40 – Side Effects and Dosing for Women 11:24 – Creams, Pellets, Injections & Compounding 12:22 – Off-Label Testosterone for Women 13:41 – Don't Diagnose Yourself: Final Thoughts 14:12 – Final thoughts ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm sharing something completely different: a firsthand account of a weekend I had in Montreal. I was there for an Advanced SAR — a Sexual Attitude Reassessment, the kind of training clinicians and sex educators take to get comfortable with behaviors and experiences outside their own — and it happened to land the same weekend as the Montreal Fetish Festival. So I went. I walk through everything, starting with the cabaret show on night one that included flogging and, in a moment that genuinely jarred me. I talk about sitting down with a woman deeply involved in the BDSM community, who explained electric play and needle play to me — including how she experiences needle play as creating art on someone's body, and why the buildup to pain can trigger something called subspace, a genuine chemical shift in the brain. I also get honest about my own reaction as someone who calls herself vanilla: I turn away when someone draws blood, so understanding how pain becomes pleasure for someone else took real effort. I take you inside both a sex club and a kink club for the first time in my life — the gear, the setup, the consent culture, the "vacuum bagging," the group room that turned out to be nothing like what I expected, the St. Andrew's Cross, and the costume culture that included everything from latex and leather to pup play and collaring. Through all of it, my point stays the same: understanding why something is pleasurable for someone else doesn't mean you have to practice it yourself. It just means approaching it with curiosity instead of judgment. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Staple Gun Moment 0:29 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:56 – My Unexpected Path to Becoming a Sex Educator 2:09 – What Is a SAR? Inside the Advanced Class 3:22 – The Vanilla Sex Educator: My Background Before This Weekend 4:32 – Kink Isn't Always About Sex 5:20 – Night One: Cabaret, Flogging & the Staple Gun 6:17 – Curiosity Over Judgment: Talking to the Kink Community 8:31 – Sex Club vs. Kink Club: What's the Difference 10:23 – Inside the Sex Club: Gear, Consent & a Peep Show Surprise 12:14 – Inside the Kink Club: Electric Shocks, Rope & the St. Andrew's Cross 14:22 – The Costume Party: Latex, Pup Play & Collars 15:51 – What I Learned: Curiosity Is Power To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

The prostate, also called the male G-spot, is a walnut-sized gland most straight men never want to talk about, and this episode is exactly that conversation. I get into what it does, how it's tied to ejaculation, and why stimulating it can feel intensely pleasurable for some men, regardless of orientation. You'll hear about the three prostate conditions every guy in midlife should know for his prostate health, BPH, prostatitis, and prostate cancer, the real evidence on prostate massage versus the wellness-industry hype, and how to explore it, through the perineum or internally, without ever needing to go through the anus if you don't want to. There's a study linking ejaculation frequency to prostate cancer risk, and the bigger point underneath it all: men's sexual health after 50 doesn't have to start and end with the penis. Enjoy 15% off The TechRing with code TABOO15 using this link: myfirmtech.com/karenbigman In This Episode: 0:00 – Why We're Talking About the Prostate 0:50 – Disclaimer 1:30 – What Exactly Is the Prostate? 2:35 – How the Prostate Participates in Ejaculation 3:15 – Why It's Called the Male G-Spot 4:10 – Why Prostate Stimulation Feels Good (No Orientation Attached) 5:15 – What Can Go Wrong: BPH (Enlarged Prostate) 6:35 – Prostatitis: Infection vs. Chronic Pelvic Pain 7:45 – Prostate Cancer & Why Screening Conversations Matter 8:20 – Does Prostate Massage Actually Help the Prostate? 9:35 – Do You Have to Go Through the Anus? (No — the Perineum) 10:35 – Hygiene, Prep & What to Expect 11:35 – Sponsor: FirmTech 12:05 – How to Massage the Prostate Internally, Step by Step 14:10 – Toys, Safety & What to Avoid 15:00 – When You Should NOT Do a Prostate Massage 15:35 – Ejaculation Frequency & Prostate Cancer Research 16:35 – Expanding Pleasure Beyond the Penis 17:35 – Talking to a Partner Who's Not Interested 18:15 – Final Thoughts Tools In This Episode Worth Exploring The MultiOrgasmic Lover – Use code KBIG50 to save $50 off The Multi-Orgasmic Lover course from Master Sex Coach Jim Benson. MysteryVibe Molto - The Molto prostate massager is a medical-grade silicone, genuinely slim, and built around a malleable core you can shape to your anatomy. The high-frequency vibrations are biomedically engineered to increase blood flow to the pelvic region, which means this isn't just a pleasure device-it's a tissue health tool. Use discount code T2T15 for 15% off. Aneros Vibrating Prostate Massager - The Eupho Syn V is Aneros's vibrating update to its iconic slim, highly mobile prostate massager, offering 10 tuned vibration patterns across 4 speeds plus full functionality in unpowered mode for experienced hands-free play. This product has targeted stimulation and the same nimble profile that lets skilled users work it against the prostate for distinct sensations. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm talking with Alex Grendi, a men's intimacy and confidence coach who spent years quietly numbing his own performance anxiety before he understood what was actually driving it. Alex is a former professional soccer player, and he opens up about carrying performance anxiety into the bedroom long before he ever had sex, shaped almost entirely by porn and movies telling him he'd better be good at it or be humiliated for it. We get into why the confidence he built on the field never carried into intimacy, how getting sober forced him to actually look at how he was showing up with women, and how a friend mentioning a book on Taoist sexuality sent him down the path to becoming a sex coach himself. Alex breaks down the mindset shift, not just the technique, that actually resolves performance anxiety, and we talk candidly about the sexual scripts most men are following without realizing it, why heterosexual sex still gets treated as over the moment the man finishes, and the one question, "can I kiss you?", that changes everything in the bedroom and that almost no one asks. I even share a recent dating experience of my own where I could feel a partner running his script in real time. This is part one of a two-part conversation, so stay close for part two next week. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – You're Not the Only One Staying Silent 0:16 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:42 – Meet Alex Grendi, the Men's Intimacy Coach Who Used to Numb It All 1:31 – From Pro Soccer to the Bedroom: Alex's Unlikely Path 2:30 – Where His Performance Anxiety Actually Came From 4:45 – Discovering Taoist Sexuality and What a Sex Coach Actually Is 7:52 – Finding the Courage to Book That First Call 9:30 – The Real Fix Isn't a Technique, It's a Mindset Shift 10:49 – Newsletter 11:08 – Why Field Confidence Never Transferred to the Bedroom 12:06 – The Sexual Script: Why Men Think They're Supposed to Already Know 13:39 – Karen's Own Story: Shutting Down When a Partner Ran His Script 14:51 – Why "Can I Kiss You?" Is the Sexiest Question a Man Can Ask 17:30 – Teaching Men to Lead by Asking, Not Assuming 19:23 – Part Two Is Coming To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Alex Grendi is a men's intimacy and confidence coach who helps men reconnect with their bodies, expand their capacity for pleasure, and build deeper emotional and physical connection with their partners. His coaching blends ancient practices, practical exercises, and a simple step-by-step process, supported by direct guidance and a community of men on the same journey. Alex's work empowers men to move past shame, rebuild self-trust, and create meaningful, lasting intimacy in their relationships. Connect with Alex Grendi: Website: https://www.alexgrendi.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.grendi YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Alex.Grendi About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm kicking off season 7 — and marking 200 episodes of Taboo to Truth — with one of the topics that comes up in my practice more than almost anything else: sexless marriages. From the outside, a relationship can look completely fine — you're raising kids, running a household, laughing together — while almost nothing is happening behind the bedroom door, sometimes for months or years. I break down five real reasons marriages and long-term relationships go sexless, and why it's almost never as simple as losing attraction. I start with what happens when one partner shuts the conversation down completely rather than simply saying no to sex in the moment, and how that silence lets both partners write their own, often painful, story about what it means. I get into the mental load that quietly kills desire, in women and in men, and why "why don't you want me?" is usually the wrong question to ask. I talk about what it looks like when someone has lost touch with their own erotic identity so completely they can't answer what turns them on anymore, and why exploration, not pressure, is the way back in. I also get honest about porn, sex toys, and AI companionship: when they expand a sex life versus when they quietly start to replace it, and what I call the "secret garden," the private sexual world a partner can build without the other ever knowing. I close with why the sex talk can never be a one-time conversation, my framework for balanced sexuality — sensation, relationship, and fantasy — and why a sexless relationship is not automatically a loveless or a doomed one. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – When Sex Just Stops 0:38 – Welcome to Season 7: Today's Topic, Sexless Marriages 1:20 – What Sexless Looks Like From the Outside 1:52 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Matters 2:19 – Reason 1: When One Partner Shuts Down the Conversation 4:07 – Reason 2: Mental Load, Stress & Hormonal Changes 5:39 – Reason 2 Continued: Low Desire in Men 6:31 – Reason 3: Losing Touch With Your Own Pleasure 7:30 – Exploring Desire Without Pressure + Sponsor: ARIA 8:44 – Reason 4: Porn & Sex Toys as a Crutch 9:54 – Reason 4 Continued: AI Companionship & Intimacy 10:39 – Reason 5: Treating the Sex Talk as a One-Time Conversation 11:16 – Why Sexual Communication Has to Be Ongoing 12:32 – The Balanced Sexuality Framework 13:40 – Sexless Doesn't Mean Loveless: Final Thoughts 14:11 – Final thoughts To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In part two of my conversation with men's coach Mike Elliott, we get into how couples actually reconnect and rebuild intimacy after a sexless marriage, low desire, or years of disconnection in midlife. Mike walks me through the nervous system work, attachment science, and couples practice he uses to help men move past shame and disconnection in their relationship. Part two is where Mike gives us the actual practice. If you haven't watched part one yet, start there, since everything here builds on it directly. Mike walks me through his golden rule: move at the pace of connection, not the pace of friction. We get specific about what that looks like between two people, breathing together, gazing at each other before anything else happens, slowing down instead of rushing toward the end goal, and why so many men only find their way into this work once a marriage is already breaking. He talks about the "little boy" still running the show in a lot of grown men, why erectile difficulty is almost never really about the body, and why he believes healing happens in proximity to other men who've already done the work themselves. We also get into why a sexless marriage is never one partner's problem to fix alone, what happens to a relationship once the early hormone rush fades around the 18-month mark, and the "we language" Mike and his partner Courtney built their entire practice around. I close it out with my three rapid-fire questions: his definition of sex, his best orgasm, and the one fantasy he hasn't lived out yet. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Six-Figure Life With a Silent Bedroom 0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:36 – Welcome Back to Part Two 1:32 – The Golden Rule: Move at the Pace of Connection, Not Friction 4:25 – Why Sex Is the Most Vulnerable Place We Go 5:10 – Radical Transparency: How Men Actually Start This Work 8:55 – When She Feels His Energy Leaking Somewhere Else 9:43 – It's Never a "You Problem," It's a "We Problem" 11:16 – The Honeymoon Hormones (And Why the Real Work Starts After) 12:16 – Learning "We Work": Moving Toward Instead of Pulling Away 13:49 – Can You Really Stay With One Person for Life? 14:33 – The Sacred We: Building a Language for the Long Haul 17:30 – Sacred Relationship and the Maturity That Creates Real Attraction 18:50 – Mike's Closing Advice: Pace of Connection, Not Pace of Ambition 20:53 – Three Rapid-Fire Questions: Sex, Best Orgasm & Unfulfilled Fantasy 23:07 – Where to Find Mike & Wrap-Up To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Guest: Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose. Connect with Mike Elliott: Website: www.itsmikeelliott.com Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliott YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast The Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

Chronic sexual rejection in a relationship doesn't just cause hurt feelings, it rewires how a person feels about themselves, their body, and their worth. In this episode I break down what's actually happening in the nervous system when a partner is turned down again and again, why rejection activates some of the same brain regions involved in physical pain, and how "not tonight" starts to feel like proof you're not wanted. I get into the real difference between a mutual dry spell and a unilateral shutdown, why low desire is never manipulation, and how weaponizing intimacy is a distinct and more damaging pattern. Then I trace the predictable spiral: pursue, withdraw, keep score, and eventually contempt — which Gottman identifies as the clearest warning sign a relationship is breaking down. I close with what actually helps: small daily check-ins instead of relationship summits, physical affection with genuinely no expectation attached, and letting go of the idea that fixing your sex life means going back to exactly how it used to be. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Man Who Kept a Rejection Chart 0:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:32 – Today's Topic: When Intimacy Quietly Disappears 1:19 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Hurts 2:09 – The Nervous System's Response to Rejection 2:47 – The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle Begins 3:48 – What Rejection Really Asks: Am I Wanted? 5:09 – Touch, Oxytocin & the Stress Spiral 6:04 – Consent vs. Weaponized Intimacy 8:04 – Criticism, Contempt & the Four Horsemen 9:39 – Sponsor Break: ARIA 10:01 – The Other Side: Why the Lower-Desire Partner Shuts Down 11:32 – Rebuilding Starts Here: The Daily Check-In 13:00 – Rebuilding: Affection With No Expectation 14:08 – Redefining Intimacy for Who You Are Now 15:39 – When to Get Outside Help, Final Thoughts & Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

Every conversation about a sexless marriage gets pointed at the woman. Low desire, hormones, resentment, the mental load, she's the one who's supposed to explain herself. Nobody asks what happens on the other side of the bed, and today I sat down with men's coach Mike Elliott to find out. Mike works with high-performing men who look successful on paper and feel quietly disconnected underneath. In this conversation we get into why she rejects him and he assumes she doesn't want sex anymore, when the real story is closer to this: she doesn't feel seen, and her body has been scanning for safety the whole time. We talk about the difference between yang sex and yin sex, the exact instruction Mike gives every man he coaches (slow down, three times), and why a man who can't hold his own feelings can't hold hers either. Mike also gets personal. He tells me about the night in Whistler when he lost his erection with his own partner and spiraled into a shame he'd been avoiding his whole adult life, and what happened when she refused to let him run from it. If you have ever gone quiet in your own marriage, present in the house and absent in the relationship, this conversation names exactly what's happening in his body and gives you language for it. Part two is coming, so stay close. Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – He's Not Pursuing Her, He's Pressuring Her 0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:37 – Today's Topic: The Sexless Marriage Conversation From His Side 1:35 – Why This Exact Fight Keeps Happening 4:32 – What's Really Happening When She Rejects Him 6:52 – Yang Sex vs. Yin Sex: Why Men Default to Friction 9:53 – The Pushback: Masculine Enough vs. Emotionally Available 13:15 – It's Not a Libido Problem, It's a Polarity Problem 13:47 – Why Men Want the Quick Fix: Give Me the Pill 14:49 – Mike's Story: Chasing "More" Instead of Feeling More 16:53 – The Whistler Story: Losing His Erection Mid-Intimacy 19:08 – The Shame Spiral and the Moment He Stopped Running 20:51 – Holding the Shame: How His Body Finally Let Go 22:23 – Wrap-Up: Part Two Is Coming To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose. Connect with Mike Elliott: Website: www.itsmikeelliott.com Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliott YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast The Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F