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In this episode, I’m answering the questions men are often too embarrassed to ask about sex after prostate cancer treatment. Can you still get an erection? Can you have an orgasm without a prostate? And what happens to your confidence when your body changes overnight? I’m joined again by Dr. Mohit Khera, professor of urology at Baylor College of Medicine, and he doesn’t sugarcoat it. Most men have no warning about how sudden it feels. One day everything works, and after surgery it’s gone and you’re hoping to get it back. He walks me through what recovery actually looks like, why the nerves can take a full year to heal, and why he treats the penis like a muscle: use it or lose it. We talk about screening, the treatment options, orgasm with no ejaculate, penile implants (including the men who never tell their wives), injections and the Viagra mistake he warns his residents about. My favorite part is when he explains why the partner matters so much. Men whose partners want to stay sexually connected recover their erections more often. This is a couple’s journey, and the couple is where healing starts. In This Episode: 00:00 – Can you still have sex after prostate cancer? 01:18 – Meet urologist Dr. Mohit Khera 01:40 – What is the prostate? 02:19 – What is prostate cancer? Why most men won’t die from it 03:46 – Prostate cancer surgery and the risk of erectile dysfunction 04:44 – Prostate cancer treatment options, from active surveillance to radiation 06:14 – Prostate cancer screening: PSA tests and when to start 07:52 – Prostate cancer vs. testicular cancer and the self-exam every man should do 09:49 – Does ejaculating more lower your prostate cancer risk? 10:50 – Erectile dysfunction after prostate surgery vs. radiation 12:04 – Orgasm with no ejaculate after prostatectomy 13:23 – Why erections take up to a year to recover 14:53 – Inside a penile rehabilitation program 15:49 – The psychological shock of losing your erection overnight 16:30 – How a penile implant works 17:48 – Why an engaged partner helps men recover 19:02 – Use it or lose it: the penis as a muscle 19:58 – The Midlife Man: a community for men facing rejection 21:03 – Can you hide a penile implant from your partner? 22:07 – Ejaculation after radiation and brachytherapy 23:48 – Enlarged prostate, ED and low testosterone as men age 25:00 – Older men, younger women and ED medications 25:41 – Penile injections and PT-141 for men 27:05 – The Viagra mistake: ED as a warning sign of heart disease and diabetes 29:52 – Your penis is a barometer of your health 30:33 – Why testosterone is dropping in men 34:08 – The estrogen shortage and the FDA warning change 34:48 – Sexual dysfunction is a couple’s disease 35:48 – Where to find me To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Mohit Khera, M.D., M.B.A., M.P.H., earned his undergraduate degree at Vanderbilt University. He subsequently earned his Masters Degree in Business Administration and his Masters Degree in Public Health from Boston University. He received his Medical Degree from The University of Texas Medical School at San Antonio and completed his Residency training in the Scott Department of Urology at Baylor College of Medicine. After finishing a six-year residency in Urology, he completed a one-year fellowship in Male Reproductive Medicine and Surgery. Currently an Associate Professor in the Scott Department of Urology at Baylor College of Medicine, he specializes in Male Infertility and Male and Female Sexual Dysfunction. He also serves as the Director of the Laboratory for Sexual Medicine at Baylor College of Medicine and Medical Director of the Houston Hospital for Specialized Surgery. Connect with Dr. Mohit Khera: Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmohitkhera Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmohitkhera About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Want more honest conversations about sex, health and relationships after 50? Join my email list and get new episodes, expert insights and the stuff I don’t post anywhere else, straight to your inbox: https://www.taboototruth.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I’m taking on the line I’ve heard more times than I can count: that non-monogamy is just cheating with permission. Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, monogamish. Most of us have heard all four words and quietly mixed up at least two of them, and I grew up in a culture where that confusion got repeated over and over. So I go term by term. I explain what polyamory actually means (the word doing the heavy lifting is relationships, not sex) and why it isn’t polygamy. Then I cover the vocabulary that shows up once more than two people are involved: metamors, polycules, thruples and polyfidelity. I walk through kitchen table polyamory, parallel polyamory and don’t ask, don’t tell, then hierarchical, non-hierarchical and solo polyamory. Solo polyamory is a deliberate choice about independence that a lot of people in midlife, especially after a divorce or a long marriage, may recognize in themselves. I also get into open relationships, swinging, and the term Dan Savage coined that I love for its honesty: monogamish. Then relationship anarchy, which questions the idea that a romantic partner automatically outranks a friend. I share one friend’s arrangement too: he can play with anyone outside the home, as long as they don’t sleep in the same bed. That’s his wife’s boundary. I finish where I started, with cheating. The headcount and the amount of sex are details. What matters is what everyone agreed to and whether everyone actually knows. Non-monogamous people can absolutely cheat, sometimes with more promises to break than a monogamous couple. If any of these terms felt uncomfortably familiar, name it out loud with your partner this week. 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 0:00 – Open Relationship, Polyamory, Swinging or Monogamish? 0:07 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:36 – Is Non-Monogamy Just Cheating With Permission? 1:49 – What Is Polyamory? Polyamory vs Polygamy 2:32 – Metamors, Polycules, Thruples & Polyfidelity 3:42 – Kitchen Table Polyamory vs Parallel Polyamory 4:45 – Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Arrangements 5:02 – Hierarchical vs Non-Hierarchical Polyamory 5:46 – Solo Polyamory 6:13 – Open Relationships & What Is Monogamish 7:19 – Swinging Explained 7:44 – Relationship Anarchy 8:18 – What Counts as Cheating 8:53 – Final Thoughts: Write Your Own Rulebook To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Not sure where your marriage stands? Take the free Midlife Marriage Assessment. In about 5 minutes you’ll get a relationship health score, your strengths, and the areas that need attention, sent straight to your inbox: https://www.themidlifemancoach.com/midlife-marriage-assessment MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I’m back with tantra teacher Deborah Kat for part two, and we pick up right where we left off: you’ve decided to slow down, so now what? Deborah walks me through the tantric sex practices couples can actually start with, and the first step isn’t touch. It’s commitment, then ritual. She explains masculine and feminine energy as the frame and the flow, the banks and the river, and why it has nothing to do with gender. We talk about stepping out of everyday life with pet names, breathing together, and a three-minute exercise where you simply ask your partner what they’d like. Deborah also shares what she hears most from couples: men saying “I can’t do anything right,” which is a plea for approval, and women saying “you never look at me like that anymore,” which is a plea to feel chosen. We all want both. One of my favorite moments is Deborah’s energy check-in. Most of us don’t know where we are until we snap, and in menopause a woman can drop from 80% to 10% in two seconds without knowing why. Her husband’s question, “Where are you on the traffic light?”, gets past the defensiveness. We also laugh about the dishwasher fight every long-term couple has had, and Deborah gives the easiest script I’ve heard for bringing tantra or kink into a relationship. The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 00:00 – Teaser: A Fantasy She Hasn’t Lived Yet 00:28 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 01:02 – Tantric Sex Practices: Where Couples Start 01:34 – Masculine and Feminine Energy: The Frame and the Flow 03:00 – Rituals for Couples: Pet Names, Breath and the 3-Minute Game 05:22 – What’s Under Desire: Approval vs. Feeling Chosen 07:44 – The Energy Check-In: Menopause and the 80% to 10% Drop 10:27 – Partner Break: ARIA 10:59 – Red, Yellow, Green: The Traffic Light Check-In 12:25 – Curiosity Without the Job Interview (and Your Phone) 14:12 – Receiving and the Dishwasher Fight 15:38 – How to Bring Tantra or Kink Into Your Relationship 16:55 – Deborah’s Definition of Sex 17:47 – Her Best Orgasm: A Night of Teasing 18:38 – The Fantasy: Trained to Be Sacrificed 19:38 – Where to Find Deborah Kat 20:26 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Deborah Kat is a sex and relationship coach on a mission to help people have the best sex of their lives with the people they love. She has practiced tantra for more than 20 years across at least three lineages, and she brings years of experience as a bodyworker plus training in kink, massage, flirting, dating, and relating. She has worked with hundreds of clients, from corporate CEOs to newlywed couples, and draws on her own 27-year relationship to teach that communication, repair, and erotic connection are skills you can learn and practice. Deborah hosts The Better Sex Podcast and the Better Sex Summit. Her philosophy is simple: better sex, better humans, better world. Connect with Deborah Kat: Website: https://www.deborahkat.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Podcast: https://www.deborahkat.com/podcast Substack: https://deborahkat.substack.com About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

If you feel more like roommates than partners, The Sexless Marriage Reset is my 12-week group program built for men in exactly this place. Limited spots are available here: https://www.themidlifemancoach.com In this episode, I’m talking about the moment in a sexless marriage that nobody names. It isn’t the first no or the tenth. It’s the moment a man decides asking again just isn’t worth the risk. Most men in this spot have already built a story about why: it’s their body, their age, their performance, some flaw their partner is too afraid to say out loud. That story is what keeps them quiet. A man who stops asking isn’t protecting himself from pain. He’s moving the pain somewhere quieter. I share the story of a client who had made peace with a life without intimacy, and what shifted once he finally told his partner how he felt. From there I take apart the three stories men tell themselves, explain the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why she may never be the one to initiate), and give you permission to feel hurt, to want more, and to change your approach first. Low intimacy isn’t a verdict on you or your marriage. It’s information. In This Episode: 00:00 – The Moment a Man Stops Trying 00:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 00:41 – Sexless Marriage Statistics: You’re Not the Only One 01:04 – Why Unexplained Rejection Does the Real Damage 01:41 – A Client’s Story: When He Finally Spoke Up 02:01 – The 3 Stories Men Tell Themselves About Rejection 02:37 – The Sexless Marriage Reset: My 12-Week Program for Men 03:43 – What You Can Actually Control: Presence Over Pressure 04:18 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire 05:11 – The Permission Piece 05:41 – Low Intimacy Is Information: What to Say to Her Today 06:28 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I’m talking about tantra with tantra teacher and intimacy coach Deborah "Kat", and I’ll admit she threw me off within the first five minutes. Like most of you, when I heard “tantra” I thought tantric sex. Deb told me it’s a way of life, and the moment she explained it, the whole conversation about sexless marriages opened up. So many couples over 50 tell me they feel like roommates. The kids are gone, retirement is on the horizon, and nothing is happening in the bedroom. Deb’s answer starts with you, not your partner. She walks me through the three physical principles of tantra, movement, breath, and sound, and why letting yourself make noise during solo pleasure changed everything for her. She also shares how, after 27 years with her partner, she still finds her way back to desire by simply letting herself look at him. We get real about resentment, the socks-under-the-bed kind that kills attraction, and why it has to be worked through privately before any invitation can land. Deb explains why men often roll over after sex out of vulnerability, not exhaustion, how shame shaped what she let herself enjoy for years, and the one line she gives men in mismatched desire relationships: “I just want to kiss. If you want more, come to me.” I also share a painful moment from my own marriage, when my husband didn’t notice I’d lost 15 pounds until a therapist asked him directly. If you’ve gone quiet in your relationship, this conversation gives you small, doable places to start. And part two is coming, so stay close. This is part one of my two-part conversation with Deb Kat. Subscribe and turn on notifications so you don’t miss part two next week, where we pick up right where we left off. 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 00:00 – Roommates, Not Lovers 00:22 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 00:55 – Meet Deborah "Kat": Tantra, Bodywork and 27 Years Together 02:10 – What Is Tantra? The Meaning Beyond Tantric Sex 03:51 – Movement, Breath and Sound: Tantric Sex Practices for Beginners 06:47 – Finding Pleasure Outside the Bedroom 08:59 – Permission, Asking for What You Want and the Sound of the Heart 11:11 – When Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life 14:07 – Deciding to Be Available: What Can We Do in a Minute? 15:35 – Why He Rolls Over After Sex (It’s Not Sleep) 17:47 – Shame, Pillow Talk and Talking About It After 20:21 – Revisiting Your Early Dates 21:40 – Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire: Just a Kiss 23:43 – The Pool Story: Flirting Through Self-Care 25:37 – Reclaiming Intimacy in a Midlife Body 27:05 – Stop Fighting Your Partner in Your Head: 10 Deep Breaths 28:55 – When My Husband Didn’t Notice Me: Slow Down 31:25 – Coming Up in Part Two 31:56 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Deborah Kat is a sex and relationship coach on a mission to help people have the best sex of their lives with the people they love. She has practiced tantra for more than 20 years across at least three lineages, and she brings years of experience as a bodyworker plus training in kink, massage, flirting, dating, and relating. She has worked with hundreds of clients, from corporate CEOs to newlywed couples, and draws on her own 27-year relationship to teach that communication, repair, and erotic connection are skills you can learn and practice. Deborah hosts The Better Sex Podcast and the Better Sex Summit. Her philosophy is simple: better sex, better humans, better world. Connect with Deborah Kat: Website: https://www.deborahkat.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deborahtantrakat/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deborahkat9349 Podcast: https://www.deborahkat.com/podcast Substack: https://deborahkat.substack.com About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I’m taking on a sentence I hear constantly from men in a sexless marriage: “She just doesn’t want sex anymore. This is who she is now.” I want to slow that down, since treating her disinterest as a fixed personality trait is usually misreading the situation entirely. What’s usually running underneath is one or more of four patterns that relationship researcher John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Researchers can predict a relationship ending from watching a single argument, and these four are what they’re watching for. I take them one at a time and show you what each is quietly doing to desire. Criticism goes after who you are instead of what you did. Contempt, the one weighed heaviest, says I think less of you, and you can’t want someone you feel looked down on by. Defensiveness turns every soft moment into ammunition. And stonewalling, that flat “fine” and the walk out of the room, reads as total indifference even when it’s really a nervous system hitting overwhelm. None of this means one of you is the problem and the other is the patient one. You can both be trying sincerely and still be stuck. So I close with what interrupts these patterns: naming a behavior instead of attacking character, pausing a fight without abandoning each other, and rebuilding affection with no expectation attached before you try to fix sex at all. My ask for you: pick the one pattern that hit hardest and notice the next time it shows up, in your voice or your partner’s. 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 0:00 – 4 Patterns That Predict a Sexless Marriage 0:07 – “She Just Doesn’t Want It Anymore” Isn’t Who She Is 0:45 – Gottman’s Four Horsemen: The Patterns That Predict a Breakup 1:57 – Horseman 1: Criticism (Character vs. Behavior) 2:47 – Horseman 2: Contempt, the Strongest Predictor 3:30 – Sponsor: ARYA 3:52 – Horseman 3: Defensiveness 4:23 – Horseman 4: Stonewalling & the Silent Treatment 5:00 – Why a Sexless Marriage Is Rarely a Mystery 5:22 – How to Fix It: Address Behavior, Not Character 5:43 – How to Pause a Fight Without Abandoning Each Other 6:10 – Don’t Make Intimacy the First Thing You Fix 6:34 – Your Takeaway: Notice One Pattern 6:53 – The Midlife Man Coaching Program To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

This episode is brought to you by OBOO, makers of vibrators, lubricants, and vulva care for women in perimenopause and beyond. Use code TRUTH15 for 15% off at https://oboo.love In this episode, I’m back with sex researcher Melanie Curtin for part two, and we start with something I’ll admit right up front. I can talk to any stranger about anything, and I still find it hard to tell a man in bed that he’s crossed a line or that something hurts. Melanie’s research shows I’m far from alone. Just under half of the women she surveyed said telling a partner what isn’t working is a 7 out of 10 or harder, and 10% called it impossible. She walks me through the four fears underneath that silence, and why grinning and bearing it can feel safer than risking the relationship. Then she explains what men can do about it: lead instead of waiting, and say thank you when she finally tells the truth, even when it stings. From there we get into her heart-power matrix, why the nice guy and the bad boy both leave women unsatisfied, and what women really mean when they say they want to feel ravished. Melanie also explains why trauma bonds can pull harder than chemistry, why so many men are lonelier than they realize, and why the best way to attract a healthy partner is to do your own work first. In This Episode: 0:00 – Sponsor: OBOO 0:39 – Welcome Back to Part Two 1:32 – Why It’s Still Hard to Say “That Hurts” 2:44 – Fear 1: He’ll Lash Out 3:23 – Fear 2: He’ll Pull Away 4:09 – Fear 3: Feeling Like Something’s Wrong With Her 4:48 – Fear 4: Being Judged for What She Wants 6:00 – “Thank You for Telling Me”: How to Be a Safe Man 6:53 – When Silence Ends a Marriage 7:39 – Passive, Aggressive, or Leading? 9:36 – The Heart-Power Matrix 10:55 – What Polarity Really Means 11:47 – Too Nice vs. Too Rough: What Women Said 12:53 – The Integrated Man 14:12 – Feeling Taken and Safe at the Same Time 16:36 – Nice Guys, Players & Why Men Are So Lonely 18:34 – Why Women Go for the Bad Boy 19:52 – “He Read Me Like a Book” 20:45 – From Nice Guy to Bold and Direct 22:56 – Does Sex Make Women Bond Faster? 23:48 – Trauma Bonds & Attracting a Healthy Partner 26:12 – How the Patriarchy Hurts Men 27:31 – Where to Find Melanie To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Melanie Curtin is a sex and relationship coach and Stanford-educated sex researcher whose research is published in the Harvard Dataverse. She helps growth-minded men have thriving sex and love lives, whether they’re single or partnered. She surveyed 1,067 women about what makes a man great in bed, what makes him forgettable, and what they wish they’d told a past partner. She’s also the host of the Dear Men podcast. Connect with Melanie Curtin: Website: https://www.melaniecurtin.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melaniebcurtin/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melaniecurtin Podcast - Dear Men https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-men-how-to-rock-sex-datingand-relationships-with-women/id1347811999 About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

Do men need emotional connection to feel desire? The story we all learned says men just need a body and an opportunity, and women are the ones who need to feel close first. For a lot of men, that story is backwards. They just never say it out loud. I break down why men are taught from adolescence that wanting closeness is needy, and how that unspoken need shows up instead as irritability, withdrawal, or a sudden drop in desire. I explain the difference between vasopressin and oxytocin, why men often bond through shared effort and shared goals instead of long conversations, and how attachment style can make a guarded man disengage from intimacy as a form of protection, even decades into a relationship. Then I walk through the five places connection gets built or lost in long-term and midlife relationships: open communication, active listening, quality time, empathy, and physical touch outside the bedroom. You’ll hear what each one looks like in real life, why empty nest couples often lose quality time to logistics, and the easiest one you can restart tonight. This episode is sponsored by ARYA, a monthly intimacy membership curated by AASECT-certified sexologists. Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code TRUTH15 for 15% off. Check out my S*x Snacks: https://www.taboototruth.com/post/sex-snacks In This Episode: 0:00 – Do Men Need Emotional Connection to Want S*x? 0:07 – The Man Who Proved Me Wrong 0:30 – Why the “Men Just Need a Body” Story Is Backwards 1:20 – Attachment Style and Why He Pulls Away 2:19 – 5 Places Connection Is Built: #1 Open Communication 3:26 – #2 Active Listening 3:56 – Sponsor: ARIA 4:32 – #3 Quality Time: Vasopressin vs. Oxytocin 5:22 – #4 Empathy Without Fixing 6:12 – #5 Touch Outside the Bedroom 6:43 – Final Thoughts: Look for the Disconnection First To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I sit down with researcher and men’s relationship coach Melanie Curtin. She asked more than 1,000 women a question most men think they already know the answer to: what actually makes a man great in bed? Her findings blew up a lot of assumptions, mine included. We start with the number that stopped me. 61% of women say they’ve broken up with someone over the sex, and most never said a word to him about it. Melanie explains the pattern she saw again and again. A woman speaks up once or twice, watches nothing change, and decides to grin and bear it so she doesn’t feel like a nag. I share my own version of that story from my dating life right now, plus what menopause and dryness add to the mix. We get into why pain is one of women’s top complaints in bed and never shows up on men’s list, and why so many men touch a woman the way they’d want to be touched. Melanie’s rule is simple: if she asks for anything, multiply it by ten. We also talk about the arousal gap, the shame spiral that follows performance anxiety, and why the women in her research almost never mentioned erections, endurance, or a great body. The best lovers did something much simpler. They paid attention, in and out of the bedroom. Part two is coming next week, so stay close. 💓 This episode is brought to you by OBOO, makers of vibrators, lubricants, and vulva care for women in perimenopause and beyond. Use code TRUTH15 for 15% off at https://oboo.love In This Episode: 0:00 – Sponsor: OBOO 0:34 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 1:08 – Meet Melanie Curtin 2:21 – How the Research Worked (and Why It’s Subjective) 4:59 – Have You Ever Broken Up Over Bad Sex? 6:30 – Why Women Speak Up Once, Then Give Up 8:51 – Men’s vs. Women’s Top Sex Problems 11:12 – Why Her Body Is More Sensitive Than He Thinks 13:05 – Slow and Light: The 21-Minute Arousal Gap 14:30 – Menopause, Dryness & Why Slowing Down Matters 16:12 – Performance Anxiety: Why Some Men Stop Dating 18:33 – Why He Touches Her the Way He Wants to Be Touched 19:30 – The Couples Who Grin and Bear It 20:26 – Turn Her Feedback Up 10x 21:51 – Ask the Right Question, Then Actually Listen 22:25 – Masculinity, Menopause & His Silent Changes 23:16 – What 97% of Women Never Mentioned 24:12 – The Best Lover She Ever Had (No Intercourse) 25:37 – Losing an Erection Without Losing Her 27:30 – What 37% of Women Remembered Most 28:55 – Feeling Seen Is Foreplay 29:46 – Part Two Coming Next... About The Guest: About The Guest: Melanie Curtin is a sex and relationship coach and Stanford-educated sex researcher whose research is published in the Harvard Dataverse. She helps growth-minded men have thriving sex and love lives, whether they’re single or partnered. She surveyed 1,067 women about what makes a man great in bed, what makes him forgettable, and what they wish they’d told a past partner. She’s also the host of the Dear Men podcast. Connect with Melanie Curtin: Website: https://www.melaniecurtin.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melaniebcurtin LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melaniecurtin Podcast - Dear Men https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-men-how-to-rock-sex-datingand-relationships-with-women/id1347811999 About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

In this episode, I’m talking about what diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart health have to do with your sex life, and why a change in your erections deserves a doctor’s visit, not a private panic. Most men who notice a change ask themselves the wrong questions first. Am I still a man? Am I still desired? Is this the beginning of the end? That identity filter is exactly what keeps them out of the doctor’s office. Erectile difficulties are not a verdict on who you are. They’re a health signal. I walk through how high blood pressure and diabetes affect blood flow and nerves, why some blood pressure medications can be the real culprit, and why the arteries in the penis often show damage years before the heart does. I also get honest about where the shame comes from. Men were taught that masculinity lives in their erections, so any change feels like an indictment. It isn’t. It’s information. My ask: find a doctor you see regularly, so when the harder conversations come up, you already have someone you trust. And if this lands for you, send it to a man in your life who needs the nudge. ‼️ Your erections can flag a blood flow problem years before your heart does. That’s why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% using my link and code TABOO15 at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman Sign up for my free newsletter, where the real, unfiltered stuff lives: https://www.taboototruth.com In This Episode: 0:00 – Your Erection Could Be a Warning Sign 0:18 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:44 – The Identity Filter That Keeps Men From Getting Checked 1:06 – ED by the Numbers: Diabetes & High Blood Pressure 1:29 – How Blood Pressure and Diabetes Affect Erections 1:47 – When Your Blood Pressure Meds Are the Problem 2:10 – Your Body’s Barometer: The Heart Connection 2:47 – Newsletter Break 3:06 – Embarrassment, Quick Fixes & Where the Shame Comes From 3:36 – The Biggest Obstacle: Not Seeking Help 3:58 – Find a Doctor Before You Need One 4:34 – Final thoughts To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm back with urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman for part two of our conversation. We start with a question I hear all the time: does ejaculating often protect your prostate? She walks me through the research, why masturbation counts, and the plant-forward way of eating that protects your prostate along with every other organ. Then we get into prostate cancer. Dr. Pearlman explains why most men die with it rather than from it, when active surveillance makes sense, and why you should get more than one opinion before choosing a treatment. Most importantly, she explains how men can protect their sex lives: starting penile rehab before surgery, seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, practicing with a vacuum pump, and using Trimix injections when Viagra and Cialis aren't enough. She even believes many men can have the best sex of their lives after treatment. We finish with penis size. Dr. Pearlman shares why she asks every patient about size concerns, what traction therapy can realistically do for length, why she uses dissolvable hyaluronic acid for girth enhancement, and why you should always ask what the worst-case scenario is before any procedure. Her final advice: go to every appointment prepared, with a list of questions and a goal. Most men have no idea what's actually happening with their erections until something goes wrong. That's why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% off at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 00:00 – Intro 00:45 – Does ejaculating more protect your prostate? 02:05 – The diet that protects your prostate (and every other organ) 03:18 – Prostate cancer and your sex life 04:26 – Active surveillance: when you don't need treatment yet 05:00 – Why prostate cancer usually has no symptoms 06:14 – Your treatment options, and why to get more than one opinion 07:44 – Why penile rehab starts before surgery 08:24 – Pelvic floor PT before prostate surgery 09:26 – Learning the vacuum pump before you need it 10:00 – Trimix: penile injections explained 11:08 – How men learn to do their first injection 12:05 – Why injections work when Viagra doesn't 13:46 – Better sex after prostate cancer? 15:23 – Why men are obsessed with penis size 17:16 – Girth enhancement with hyaluronic acid 20:00 – Can you actually gain length? 21:30 – The worst-case question before any procedure 22:38 – What is Phallofill? 25:11 – Use ChatGPT to prep for your doctor's visit 26:47 – Where to find Dr. Amy Pearlman 27:38 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Dr. Amy Pearlman is a board-certified urologist and fellowship-trained specialist in sexual medicine, male hormonal health, and genitourinary reconstruction. She is the co-founder of Prime Institute in Miami, where she takes a modern, evidence-based approach to optimizing sexual health, hormones, and longevity. A nationally recognized educator and speaker, Dr. Pearlman is passionate about making conversations around sexual health more practical, approachable, and engaging. Her work bridges traditional medicine with emerging therapies and technologies, helping patients better understand their bodies and the growing number of options available to improve sexual function, confidence, and quality of life. Connect with Dr. Amy Pearlman: Website: https://www.primeinstitute.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amypearlmanmd YouTube: @DocAmyUrology Podcast: Fertility and Other F Words About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm opening up the toolbox most men refuse to touch: penis rings, vacuum pumps, and prostate massagers. Men avoid these products for the same reason they avoid the doctor. They think needing help means something is wrong with them. It doesn't. Your body at 50 isn't your body at 25, and a tool that works with it is a way to enjoy the body you're in right now, not an admission of failure. I break down what a ring can and can't do (it holds what's already there, it doesn't create it), why your overnight data can be an early warning sign for your vascular health, and the 30-minute rule I repeat every single time. I explain why pumps started in urologists' offices, why going slow matters more than going fast, and why this part of your body really does follow a use-it-or-lose-it rule. Then I get into the prostate, the gland most men ignore, the myth that keeps them from exploring it, and how it can support pelvic health. If there's a man in your life who's been quietly struggling, or just curious, send him this one. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – Rings, Pumps & Prostate Massagers 0:09 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:35 – Why Men Avoid These Tools 1:14 – How a Ring Actually Works 1:43 – When to Talk to Your Doctor 2:13 – Beginner Silicone Rings 2:28 – FirmTech: Hook Ring, Tech Ring & Add-On 3:17 – MyHixel & Lasting Longer 3:43 – Ring Options for Couples 3:58 – Ring Safety: The 30-Minute Rule 4:16 – The Ohnut: Comfort for Couples 4:51 – How Vacuum Pumps Work 5:09 – Dr. Joel Kaplan's Clinical Pump 6:02 – Go Slow: Pump Safety 6:23 – Use It or Lose It 6:44 – Bathmate Water Pumps 7:17 – Why Pumps and Rings Work Together 7:28 – Why the Prostate Matters 8:04 – The Myth That Holds Men Back 8:25 – Prostate Massage for Pelvic Health 8:44 – MysteryVibe Molto 9:04 – Aneros: Hands-Free Massagers 9:58 – Patience & Safety Basics 10:19 – Final Thoughts 10:37 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! Shop the products I mention: FirmTech Penis Rings (15% off) with my link: https://myfirmtech.com/karenbigman Couples: Kiiroo's Lux Him/Lux Her or FirmTech's vibrating attachment. Mystery Vibe Molto Prostate Massager (10% off) with Code: TABOO10 Silicone beginner rings (Amazon) MyHixel Pressure-point ring MyHixel Endurance Trainer Ohnut Buffer Rings Dr. Joel Kaplan Vacuum Devices (10% Off) with code TABOO10 Bathmate Penis Pumps (15% off) with code TABOO15 Jim Benson's The Multi-Orgasmic Lover ($50 off using my link) About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

In this episode, I sit down with urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman to talk about what men actually need from their doctors and so rarely get. We start with the urology visit most men dread: why she spends an hour or more just talking before she ever asks for an exam, what a prostate exam actually checks, and why your colonoscopy isn't telling you anything about your prostate. She explains why erectile dysfunction is so much more than a quick questionnaire and a Cialis prescription, and why she sees it as a door into a man's overall health. Then we get into testosterone. Dr. Pearlman explains why she's seeing low T in healthy-looking men in their 20s and 30s, why it's about health and not age, and what testosterone really does for mood, muscle, energy, and brain fog. She shares the question she asks every man before prescribing it, no matter how old he is, why so many men are turning to the black market, and why there's no age at which a man stops being a candidate. Most men have no idea what's actually happening with their erections until something goes wrong. That's why I partnered with FirmTech, a smart ring that tracks your erectile health so you get real data instead of guesswork. Get 15% off at myfirmtech.com/karenbigman ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 00:00 – Intro 00:40 – Meet Dr. Amy Pearlman 02:17 – What's a woman's role in men's health? 06:52 – Why men dread the urologist 08:29 – The opt-in exam: what a visit should really feel like 09:55 – The prostate exam, explained (and the colonoscopy myth) 11:38 – Why ED is more than a questionnaire 12:29 – FirmTech 12:58 – When should men start seeing a doctor? 15:27 – The warning signs men shouldn't ignore 16:47 – Why men need a "well man" visit 17:21 – Viagra with no exam: when ED is a warning sign 18:58 – Why testosterone is dropping, even in young men 21:16 – What testosterone actually does 22:41 – The fertility question before any testosterone 24:30 – Black market testosterone and why men go there 25:50 – Is low T the new Viagra? 27:45 – Testosterone after 55: is there an age cutoff? 28:36 – Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest: Dr. Amy Pearlman is a board-certified urologist and fellowship-trained specialist in sexual medicine, male hormonal health, and genitourinary reconstruction. She is the co-founder of Prime Institute in Miami, where she takes a modern, evidence-based approach to optimizing sexual health, hormones, and longevity. A nationally recognized educator and speaker, Dr. Pearlman is passionate about making conversations around sexual health more practical, approachable, and engaging. Her work bridges traditional medicine with emerging therapies and technologies, helping patients better understand their bodies and the growing number of options available to improve sexual function, confidence, and quality of life. Connect with Dr. Amy Pearlman: Website: https://www.primeinstitute.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amypearlmanmd About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm talking about testosterone in midlife, menopause, low sex drive, and why so many women on hormone therapy are still missing the one hormone nobody thought to check. I learned this the hard way: after my divorce, I was dating again and having more sex than I had in years, and my pleasure started to disappear, even though I was already taking estrogen and progesterone. It took finding a sexual medicine practice before anyone mentioned testosterone. I use that experience to take apart some of the biggest myths about testosterone. It isn't only a male hormone (when we're younger, women actually make more of it than men). A "normal" result doesn't mean much if your provider doesn't know how to read it. More isn't better. And a men's product at a much smaller dose isn't dangerous when the right clinician prescribes it. I also explain why low T in men builds so slowly that many don't notice it until their 50s and 60s, what men who want children should know before starting treatment, and why testosterone can help a relationship but will never fix one on its own. If you've been told your libido loss is "just menopause" or "just age," this episode gives you the language to go back to your provider and ask better questions. And a friendly reminder: don't take your partner's testosterone. The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 In This Episode: 0:00 – Low T Isn't Just a Men's Problem 0:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:46 – Testosterone: More Than the "Male" Hormone 1:24 – How Men and Women Make Testosterone 1:56 – How Testosterone Changes as We Age 2:34 – Signs of Low Testosterone in Men 3:30 – Signs of Low Testosterone in Women 3:58 – My Story: Why My Orgasms Stopped 4:23 – It's Not Always Testosterone 4:56 – Total T, Free T & SHBG Explained 6:08 – Why Testing Units and Timing Matter 7:09 – Arya.fyi 7:35 – There's No Magic Number for Women's Desire 8:12 – How Men Are Diagnosed and Treated 9:11 – What Testosterone Can Do for Women 10:02 – Side Effects for Men 10:40 – Side Effects and Dosing for Women 11:24 – Creams, Pellets, Injections & Compounding 12:22 – Off-Label Testosterone for Women 13:41 – Don't Diagnose Yourself: Final Thoughts 14:12 – Final thoughts ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. MORE LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F

In this episode, I'm sharing something completely different: a firsthand account of a weekend I had in Montreal. I was there for an Advanced SAR — a Sexual Attitude Reassessment, the kind of training clinicians and sex educators take to get comfortable with behaviors and experiences outside their own — and it happened to land the same weekend as the Montreal Fetish Festival. So I went. I walk through everything, starting with the cabaret show on night one that included flogging and, in a moment that genuinely jarred me. I talk about sitting down with a woman deeply involved in the BDSM community, who explained electric play and needle play to me — including how she experiences needle play as creating art on someone's body, and why the buildup to pain can trigger something called subspace, a genuine chemical shift in the brain. I also get honest about my own reaction as someone who calls herself vanilla: I turn away when someone draws blood, so understanding how pain becomes pleasure for someone else took real effort. I take you inside both a sex club and a kink club for the first time in my life — the gear, the setup, the consent culture, the "vacuum bagging," the group room that turned out to be nothing like what I expected, the St. Andrew's Cross, and the costume culture that included everything from latex and leather to pup play and collaring. Through all of it, my point stays the same: understanding why something is pleasurable for someone else doesn't mean you have to practice it yourself. It just means approaching it with curiosity instead of judgment. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Staple Gun Moment 0:29 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:56 – My Unexpected Path to Becoming a Sex Educator 2:09 – What Is a SAR? Inside the Advanced Class 3:22 – The Vanilla Sex Educator: My Background Before This Weekend 4:32 – Kink Isn't Always About Sex 5:20 – Night One: Cabaret, Flogging & the Staple Gun 6:17 – Curiosity Over Judgment: Talking to the Kink Community 8:31 – Sex Club vs. Kink Club: What's the Difference 10:23 – Inside the Sex Club: Gear, Consent & a Peep Show Surprise 12:14 – Inside the Kink Club: Electric Shocks, Rope & the St. Andrew's Cross 14:22 – The Costume Party: Latex, Pup Play & Collars 15:51 – What I Learned: Curiosity Is Power To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Host: Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase. This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES! 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F