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Danielle Farage graduated from USC in 2020, watched her generation get locked out of entry-level jobs during COVID, and turned that experience into a career translating Gen Z for the rest of the working world. In this episode, Tess and Danielle unpack why organizations keep losing young talent before they ever get started, what the generational divide actually looks like from inside a company, and why curiosity may be the only leadership skill that genuinely bridges it. They explore the economic realities facing Gen Z, a growing “quiet AI revolt” inside the workforce, the cognitive cost of offloading thinking to AI, and Danielle’s framework called frentorship, a mutual cross-generational relationship built on what each person can learn, leave behind, and leverage. Listeners will walk away with a clearer picture of what Gen Z actually wants from leaders and the one move any leader can make this week to start closing the gap. KEY TAKEAWAYS Only 12 percent of Gen Z had a job lined up at graduation this year. For millennials just 10 to 15 years ago, that number was three times higher. The best leaders invest in new team members from day one with specific, personal attention that has nothing to do with workflow. The corporate ladder still exists, but there is far less room on it than Gen Z was promised, and they can see that clearly. Gen Z’s quiet resistance to AI is real and growing. Most organizations are not addressing it. Offloading thinking to AI carries a cognitive cost. Mental capacity works the same way as physical capacity: use it or lose it. When a new hire is not performing, the first question should be whether they ever clearly understood what was expected of them. Leaders who criticize Gen Z for being “too sensitive” are often the same people who raised their own children the same way. Frentorship is a mutual relationship between people of different generations built on three questions: what can I learn, what can I leave behind, and what can I leverage. Saying the next generation will figure out today’s problems is a declaration of retirement, whether the speaker intends it or not. Curiosity is the most accessible and immediate leadership move for closing the intergenerational gap. TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - Why Danielle chose Gen Z at work as her life’s focus 02:07 - Graduating during COVID and the toxic first internship 08:08 - What a genuinely great manager actually does differently 11:04 - How Gen X and Gen Z see the workplace through different lenses 17:10 - What the pandemic revealed about undefined workplace expectations 21:12 - Is the corporate ladder dead? 28:30 - The real numbers behind Gen Z’s job market 30:44 - Gen Z’s quiet revolt against AI 38:20 - Why “Gen Z is too sensitive” is the wrong question 42:35 - What frentorship is and why it belongs in the workplace Find Danielle Farage at https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-farage/ Follow The Gen Mess for more weekly content. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

This episode examines why dedicated, compassionate professionals in veterinary medicine and other caring fields burn out and leave, and what leaders should be considering in the modern workplace. Crystal Stokes, a licensed marriage and family therapist and doctoral candidate who founded Full Circle Lab, brings a perspective shaped by her own unexpected path. What are the emotional and systemic forces pushing good people out of caring professions? What do generational differences actually look like inside a veterinary practice? And what specific leadership skills, onboarding systems, and feedback structures determine whether a new hire stays or leaves within the first year? Listeners will walk away with a clearer picture of why culture is a business strategy, not a soft extra, and what well-supported teams actually look like from the inside. KEY TAKEAWAYS Burnout in caring professions The corporatization of veterinary medicine The generational difference in the workplace The Seasons of Life Why onboarding is not an administrative task Why clarity is a leadership obligation How employee assistance programs routinely fail caring profession workers TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - Why a pre-vet student left the field and accidentally became a therapist 03:31 - How volunteering at a hospital led to the origin of Full Circle Lab 05:46 - What is actually burning out veterinary professionals 08:24 - When burnout escalates: suicidal ideation in veterinary medicine 10:13 - Why culture change stalls at the leadership level, not the team level 17:49 - How younger workers approach the workplace differently than older generations 21:39 - Where the mental health awareness pendulum may be swinging too far 25:36 - Why life in seasons beats work-life balance as a framework 30:00 - What younger workers need from leadership that they are not getting 33:07 - How onboarding and performance management directly drive retention Learn more about Full Circle Lab: https://www.fullcirclelab.com/ Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly insights into the modern workplace. Join the free "Dear Gen Mess" community at tessbrigham.com/podcast Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

This episode examines what it takes to heal when talk therapy and medication are not reaching the root cause. Neil Markey, co-founder and CEO of Beckley Retreats and a former U.S. Army Ranger who completed three combat deployments, shares how unresolved PTSD brought him to meditation and professionally facilitated psychedelic experiences, and how that personal path became a professional one. Tess and Neil explore why high-achieving professionals often feel empty despite accomplishing everything on paper, how trauma is stored in the body rather than just the mind, and why psilocybin retreats are gaining serious traction from the VA to bipartisan lawmakers. Listeners will come away with a clearer picture of what psychedelic-assisted therapy actually involves, how it differs from ketamine, and why developing a meditation practice may be the most important investment anyone can make in their mental health right now. KEY TAKEAWAYS SSRIs and anti-anxiety medications reduce symptoms, but they do not address the root cause of trauma. Many people who rely on them alone remain stuck in a state of fight or flight. Trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. There are more neural channels running from the body to the brain than from the brain to the body, which is why body-based practices often reach what talk therapy cannot. High-performing professionals are at particular risk of emotional disconnection. Years of operating in analytical, problem-solving mode can quietly cut off access to emotion, intuition, and genuine human connection. The fear of losing your edge after a psychedelic or healing experience is almost universally unfounded. People who complete these programs consistently report gaining capacity, not losing capability. The benefit of a psychedelic experience is not the experience itself. Without new habits and practices installed around it, most people revert to their previous patterns over time because the body returns to what it knows. Psilocybin is non-toxic and non-addictive. The main risk is taking too much in an uncontrolled setting. In a structured retreat with trained facilitators, the risks are manageable and are often part of the process. Ketamine is federally legal in the United States and psilocybin is not, though legal psilocybin programs exist in certain state and international contexts. Ketamine can be addictive and toxic at high doses. Psilocybin tends to amplify what is already present emotionally, making set and setting critical. The VA has formally included the evaluation of psychedelic medicines in its strategic plan for the first time. The issue has rare bipartisan political support. Healing happens in community, not just in individual clinical settings. Group retreat models provide therapeutic benefits that one-on-one therapy alone does not, particularly for veterans. MBSR, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, is the most clinically studied form of meditation and requires no spiritual framework. Committing to a structured course is one of the most accessible starting points for anyone looking to build a lasting practice. TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - How September 11th led a college student to become an Army Ranger 02:27 - Why PTSD keeps the nervous system in fight or flight long after combat ends 05:12 - How trauma lives in the body and why the mind cannot reach it alone 10:16 - Who comes to psychedelic retreats and what they are actually looking for 12:37 - Why high performers are especially prone to emotional disconnection 18:03 - What Gen X professionals most want from this kind of work 21:19 - How Beckley Retreats structures programs before, during, and after 28:05 - Psilocybin versus ketamine: what the real differences are 32:25 - Why group healing models work, especially for veterans 41:03 - How the VA and bipartisan lawmakers are changing access to psychedelic therapy Learn more about Neil Markey and Beckley Retreats at beckleyretreats.com Learn more about host Tess Brigham at tessbrigham.com Subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes tackling the generational challenges and complexities of navigating life and work.

This episode examines what happens after breast cancer treatment ends, and why the emotional, relational, and identity-based damage from a cancer diagnosis often goes unaddressed by the medical system. Tess Brigham, a therapist and breast cancer survivor, speaks with Hollye Jacobs, a nurse, social worker, and resilience coach who was diagnosed at 39, and Dev Meenagh, who was diagnosed at 28. Together they discuss the gap between ringing the bell and actually feeling better, what fear of recurrence looks like years after treatment ends, how relationships shift when a partner becomes a caregiver, and why connecting with people who have lived the same experience can be more useful than clinical support alone. Listeners will also hear practical grounding tools for managing anxiety and why the assumption that survivorship has an end date is itself part of the problem. KEY TAKEAWAYS When genetic testing tells you that you do not have the breast cancer gene, it means you do not have one of the 12 to 15 genes currently being tested, not that the disease is not hereditary in your family. The emotional and relational damage from cancer treatment is just as real as the physical damage, and it often goes unaddressed once active treatment ends. Two people can go through the same cancer treatment and have completely different physical experiences, from working through chemo without missing a day of work to being hospitalized twice. When a partner becomes a caregiver during treatment, the equality and intimacy that held the relationship together can erode in ways that are hard to see in the moment. The hardest part of a cancer diagnosis is often not the treatment itself but the period after it ends, when support disappears and everyone around you assumes you are fine. Fear of recurrence does not go away with time. It can still arrive, without warning, sixteen years after treatment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique works because the brain cannot simultaneously process a structured sensory sequence and a fear spiral. Name five things you see, four you physically feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. An app or support community made up of people who have been through the same experience provides a qualitatively different kind of support than clinical care or well-meaning friends and family. Survivorship is not a destination. It is an ongoing process that continues for years and sometimes decades after active treatment ends. Choosing to look for what a difficult experience is teaching you, rather than asking why it happened to you, is a learnable approach, not a personality trait. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why cancer opens a club you never wanted to join 01:42 - What treatment looks like when it hits harder than expected 03:37 - Why a negative genetic test does not mean what most people think 09:42 - How the same treatment can feel completely different for different people 14:05 - What happens to a relationship when a partner becomes the caregiver 16:00 - Why finishing treatment can feel like a free fall 19:12 - What the now-what moment looks like from inside 27:28 - How Cancer Buddy helps survivors find people who truly get it 35:17 - Why finding meaning in hard things is different from toxic positivity 39:59 - Three practical tools for managing fear of recurrence

For decades, there were two options when your drinking became a problem: a 12-step program or a residential treatment center. Both carries stigma, both requires a label, and neither fits the vast majority of people who weren't maybe physically addicted but were drinking more than they wanted to. In this episode, Tess sits down with Vedant Pradeep, co-founder of Reframe, an app for helping people reduce their alcohol intake or quit drinking altogether. With six million downloads and research partnerships at Emory and Harvard, Reframe was built on a simple but powerful idea: you have agency over your behavior, and the path to change is built through neuroscience, habit loops, and self-efficacy, not shame and labels. Vedant and Tess go deep on the 12-step model's core assumption, that you are powerless, and why it may be the very thing that keeps people stuck. They explore what it actually looks like when you stop avoiding triggers and start rewiring the loops underneath them. They also get into the surprising data on private drinking and loneliness in younger generations, why "Damp January" outperforms "Dry January" for lasting change, and what GLP-1 medications might do for addiction treatment the way SSRIs did for mental health. What listeners will learn: Why the 12-step model's self-efficacy problem may be keeping more people stuck than it helps The difference between the "I can't drink" identity and the "I don't drink" identity, and why one word changes everything What loneliness, boredom, and stress data reveal about why Gen Z is drinking more privately than publicly Why small experiments like Damp January outperform total abstinence commitments for most people, including a stat that may surprise you How to use an app as a diagnostic: what it means if you try to cut back and genuinely can't What the 66-day habit change science says about why 28-day insurance-covered programs often fail Reframe Med: how the app now connects users with naltrexone prescriptions for people whose cravings need more than behavioral change Why Vedant believes GLP-1 medications could do for addiction what Prozac did for depression What listeners will learn: CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Vedant Pradeep and What Is Reframe 01:14 Origin Story: From OCD Research to Spotting a Gap in Alcohol Support 03:27 Why Reframe Chose Neuroscience Over the 12-Step Model 06:23 The Spectrum of Alcohol Use: Mindful Moderation vs. Abstinence 09:56 How Neural Pathways Drive Drinking Habits (And How to Rewire Them) 11:26 The Identity Shift: "I Don't Drink" vs. "I Can't Drink" 12:19 Gen Z, Loneliness, and the Rise of Private Drinking 17:07 The Moment That Starts Change: Relationship Crisis as Catalyst 22:10 Why Damp January Works Better Than Dry January for Most People 28:32 The Insurance Problem: Why 28-Day Programs Fall Short of the Science 35:12 What's Next for Reframe: Peak Human Condition and Reframe Med 43:00 GLP-1 Medications and the Future of Addiction Treatment GUEST AND RESOURCE CREDITS Guest: Vedant Pradeep, Co-Founder, Reframe App: Reframe available on iOS and Android Download/site: reframeapp.com

Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything. Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal. Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about. What listeners will learn: What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative A single reflection question to carry into the week CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity 02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built 03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen 05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference 06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It 08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think) 09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say 10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down? 11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.

There's a name for what a lot of young people are doing right now, and it's not laziness. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White calls it life shelving: the decision to put the big stuff on hold because the weight of choosing feels like too much. In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Degges-White, licensed counselor, professor of counselor education at Northern Illinois University, longtime Psychology Today contributor, and author of several books on relationships, including her upcoming title Was It Something I Said? Understanding Family Estrangement. With over two decades of teaching and clinical work, Dr. Degges-White brings a perspective on Gen Z that is both deeply researched and genuinely compassionate. What follows is a wide-ranging conversation about why this generation struggles to decide, what the infodemic is doing to young people's ability to think deeply, what Gen Z actually learned by watching millennials burn out, and what both sides of a family estrangement need to hear before it's too late. What listeners will learn: What life shelving is, why it's happening, and what it actually costs to keep delaying The infodemic effect: how drowning in information leaves people less equipped to make decisions, not more How identity development has shifted from adolescence to a decade-long process now expected to last until 26 or 28 Why public lives and public mistakes have made risk-taking feel unbearable for a generation What Gen Z is actually asking for at work, and why it looks like entitlement but isn't always What Gen Z saw when they watched millennials work themselves into the ground, and why their response makes complete sense The trophy generation debate: the science behind it was wrong, but the blame landed on the kids anyway The 10 unspoken rules of friendship, what happens when one gets broken, and why intergenerational friendships matter more than most people realize What Dr. Degges-White's research on family estrangement reveals about both the person who leaves and the one left behind CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Degges-White 00:58 Origin Story: Happenstance Theory and the Path to Northern Illinois 04:31 What Is Life Shelving? The Paradox of Choice and Why Young People Are Stalling 08:18 Why Feeling Stuck Feels Like a Personal Failure (And Why It Isn't) 09:30 The Infodemic Effect: Too Much Information, Not Enough Wisdom 11:18 Identity Development in 2026: Why Growing Up Now Takes Until 28 18:25 Public Lives, Public Mistakes: The Fear That Keeps People From Taking Risks 22:48 Gen Z in the Workforce: Self-Care Days, Deadlines, and the Entitlement Debate 27:03 The Push-Pull: Validating Gen Z While Still Holding a Standard 31:00 What Gen Z Learned From Watching Millennials Burn Out 40:36 Friendships: Toxic Patterns, Intergenerational Bonds, and the 10 Unspoken Rules 51:43 Family Estrangement: What the New Book Reveals About Both Sides

The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body. In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first. Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are. What you will learn: The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat it Why stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm again Why Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meeting What nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppression The electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival mode Why five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort) The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stress What managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problem Dr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quiz CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober 00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education 02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters 04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss) 08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression 13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full 14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System. 22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like 28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It) 33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything 37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth 41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen Z Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint Book: Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter) Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGu Learn more: https://harbourfrontchiropractic.com/dr-suzanne-bober Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly conversations about generational challenges in the workplace and our daily lives. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it. That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet. In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud. Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem. What you'll learn: Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer are The "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended on Why Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrived The trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missing Why leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worse One concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-one CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work 02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses 04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing) 04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left 06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem. 07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship 08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal 09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic 11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One 11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem. In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room. What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds. What you'll learn: What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelings Why organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagement The neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for it Why being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not more Why empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with them What both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right now The four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurement Practical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediately CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin 00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate 05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It) 07:38 What Empathy Actually Is: Perspective Taking and the Prefrontal Cortex 11:04 Why Being More Connected Is Making Us Less Empathetic 16:20 Empathy Is Not Agreement: Why That Distinction Changes Everything 20:04 The Generational Tension: What Older Leaders and Younger Workers Both Get Wrong 26:17 Listening-Led Leadership and Why Assumption Is the Enemy of Performance 32:26 How Mimi Works: Speaking, Content, and the Four Stages of Change 35:25 Who's Actually Doing This Right: Satya Nadella, Chanel, and Jamil Zaki 39:06 Practice Creates Permanence, Not Perfection 41:03 40 Ways to Connect: Practical Tools Anyone Can Use Today Guest: Mimi Nicklin Organization: Empathy Everywhere Website: empathyeverywhere.co Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes. Visit TessBrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line. In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level? Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing. We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast. What you'll learn in this episode: Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enough The BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationships The 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behavior The 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinking Why anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneath The difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everything Why self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not less How to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson 01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood 05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity 09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day 13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind 15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style 17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step) 21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier 30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone) 32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma 40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything 46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next Steps Guest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development School Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict. There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything. If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you. What you'll learn in this episode: What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress The three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidance Why Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behavior Why the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say instead The one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them move Three concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent around CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation 01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress 02:24 How triangulation shows up at work: managers, HR, and the desk-side vent 03:00 Why the pattern feels good: anxiety reduction and Robin Dunbar on gossip as social bonding 04:47 Why "just talk to them directly" almost never works: you are asking someone to give up something that is working 05:45 Why the pattern never resolves the conflict: relief is real but temporary, and the same tension resurfaces 06:30 The third driver nobody names: risk avoidance and the real cost of going direct 07:50 The Maya story: a year of Friday coffee venting, one question, and one sentence that shifted everything 11:30 What to do when you are the third point in someone else's conflict 11:47 Three concrete things managers can do right now 13:30 The bottom line: conflict avoided is conflict postponed Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about fixing the mess in the modern workplace. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them. In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them. We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team. What you'll learn in this episode: Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces then Why apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent people Why steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks like A step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoiding How to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedules What one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire team Resources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergent CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach 00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching 04:27 Why more adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and autism now 07:10 The midlife tipping point: when systems that worked before suddenly stop working 10:17 ADHD vs. autism: overlaps and differences in the coaching approach 11:30 Why apps and planners keep failing neurodivergent people 15:12 Productivity vs. steadiness: why the wrong goal is burning people out 20:20 Technology, constant access, and the value of learning to do nothing 24:14 The hard-thing setup protocol, time blocking, and energy blocking 31:38 Mindset advice that backfires and the autistic burnout risk 34:01 Late diagnosis: shame, grief, resources for parents, and why parents need coaching too 43:37 What managers can do: one small change that ends up benefiting everyone Follow Genie Love & Join Her Newsletter https://beyondcoaching.pro/ Join the Dear Gen Mess Community to get the weekly download of the generational challenges facing us all. https://www.tessbrigham.com/podcast Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

She is the manager first to respond to a message, even outside of normal business hours. She takes on every project nobody else wants. She quietly rewrites deliverables before they go out, even when she technically does not have to. Her team loves her, leadership loves her, she is the best manager you've ever worked with. And she is running on fumes in a way that will never once show up on paper. In this solo episode I go deep on a pattern I see repeatedly in my work with high-performing managers, particularly women. This is not about a leadership style or a personality trait. It is about a childhood role that never got put down. And it is quietly running her nervous system every single day at work. I walk through the psychology of parentification, Murray Bowen's concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy, and why the standard advice, just delegate more, does not just fail these managers. In some cases it actively makes things worse. I also share a composite case study and give both the manager living this pattern and the leaders above her something concrete to do differently. What you'll learn in this episode: What parentification is and the story it writes in a child's brain before they have words to question it Why overfunctioning is not a trust problem or a perfectionism problem but an anxiety regulation problem Why telling your best manager to delegate more can accidentally deepen the compulsive pattern instead of breaking it Three specific ways the standard delegation advice backfires What actually helps: the one question to ask before taking something back over How to give feedback to a manager like this without triggering the old story that she needs to try harder CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and hook: the manager who seems to handle everything 00:58 What this episode is really about: a childhood role that never got put down 02:10 Parentification: the framework and the story it writes in the brain 03:15 Eldest daughter syndrome: what it is, who it applies to, and why Tess is focusing on women today 04:48 The Sierrico thesis on birth order and caretaking roles, and how they become a management style 05:45 Murray Bowen: overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy 06:30 Why overfunctioning is really about anxiety regulation, not the quality of the work 07:07 Why just delegate more misses the mark and why willpower won't fix a body problem 08:20 Three specific ways telling someone to delegate more backfires 09:25 Meet Rachel: the composite case study and what her day actually looks like 11:20 It does not look like a wound. It looks like competence. 11:41 What actually helps: noticing, pausing, and getting curious before taking back over 12:30 How to give feedback to a manager like Rachel without triggering the old story 13:45 The bottom line: burnout in your best managers is an old role playing out on a new stage Check Out These Related Episodes: Ep 47: The Manager Effect | Why Your Boss Impacts Your Mental Health More Than You Think with Ashley Herd Ep 44: The Real Reason HR, Managers, and Employees Are Exhausted Follow for weekly episodes that aren't just fixing the mess, but teaching you how to live in it. Visit tessbrigham.com for more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever watched a talented employee just stop trying? They know what to do. They have the skills. And still, nothing. What you are witnessing is not a character flaw. It is a brain event. And until now, most of us have had no name for it. Dr. Kyra Bobinet is a public health physician, scientist, and behavioral designer who has spent her career closing what she calls the know-do gap: the space between knowing what you should do and actually doing it. She has identified the specific brain region responsible for killing motivation, generating negative self-talk, and driving everything from procrastination to addiction. It is called the habenula. It is the size of a pea. And it is running more of your team's behavior than you realize. In this conversation we go deep on the neuroscience of motivation and disengagement, what triggers the habenula (and what that is) to shut people down at work, why GLP-1 medications are actually addiction drugs that work through this same brain region, how Gen Z's particular history with social media and loneliness makes them especially vulnerable to habenula overload, and what managers can actually do about it. Dr. Bobinet also shares the iterative mindset framework she has published in peer-reviewed research, which is available as a free tool at her website. What you'll learn in this episode: What the habenula is and why it is the master control switch for motivation and negative self-talk How trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and social media overload create a hypersensitive habenula Why 1 in 3 Americans are using alcohol, cannabis, or nicotine during the workday and what that tells us about workplace stress The surprising reason GLP-1s like Ozempic reduce cravings for alcohol, nicotine, and nail-biting (not just food) Why 67% of Gen Z report loneliness and what that means for their performance at work The iterative mindset: why you cannot fail if you are experimenting, and how managers can use this to support struggling employees A real workplace ritual that Dr. Bobinet uses to protect motivation and build retention on her team CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 Introduction and guest bio: Dr. Kyra Bobinet, public health physician and behavioral designer 01:06 Origin story: patients who swear they'll change and then don't, and the know-do gap 03:04 The habenula: what it is, how it kills motivation, and why it drives negative self-talk 07:00 Habenula vs. amygdala: the prediction machine vs. the fear response 09:10 Trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and the hypersensitive habenula 11:46 Substances at work: the stat, the self-medication cycle, and the habenula's role in addiction and cravings 15:47 GLP-1s and the habenula: why they reduce cravings far beyond weight loss 19:53 Loneliness, belonging, and why 67% of Gen Z report feeling lonely 24:04 What happens in the brain when someone stops making progress at work 29:13 Building small wins into the workday and the iterative mindset framework 37:07 Gen Z, social media overload, and what managers are getting wrong about disengagement 45:10 Workplace rituals that protect motivation, plus the third/third/third hiring rule 49:37 Why 30-day resets backfire and what to do instead: the planner, the doer, and the free tool at drkyrabobinet.com Subscribe to the podcast for weekly content, and visit tessbrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.