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This episode examines what happens after breast cancer treatment ends, and why the emotional, relational, and identity-based damage from a cancer diagnosis often goes unaddressed by the medical system. Tess Brigham, a therapist and breast cancer survivor, speaks with Hollye Jacobs, a nurse, social worker, and resilience coach who was diagnosed at 39, and Dev Meenagh, who was diagnosed at 28. Together they discuss the gap between ringing the bell and actually feeling better, what fear of recurrence looks like years after treatment ends, how relationships shift when a partner becomes a caregiver, and why connecting with people who have lived the same experience can be more useful than clinical support alone. Listeners will also hear practical grounding tools for managing anxiety and why the assumption that survivorship has an end date is itself part of the problem. KEY TAKEAWAYS When genetic testing tells you that you do not have the breast cancer gene, it means you do not have one of the 12 to 15 genes currently being tested, not that the disease is not hereditary in your family. The emotional and relational damage from cancer treatment is just as real as the physical damage, and it often goes unaddressed once active treatment ends. Two people can go through the same cancer treatment and have completely different physical experiences, from working through chemo without missing a day of work to being hospitalized twice. When a partner becomes a caregiver during treatment, the equality and intimacy that held the relationship together can erode in ways that are hard to see in the moment. The hardest part of a cancer diagnosis is often not the treatment itself but the period after it ends, when support disappears and everyone around you assumes you are fine. Fear of recurrence does not go away with time. It can still arrive, without warning, sixteen years after treatment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique works because the brain cannot simultaneously process a structured sensory sequence and a fear spiral. Name five things you see, four you physically feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. An app or support community made up of people who have been through the same experience provides a qualitatively different kind of support than clinical care or well-meaning friends and family. Survivorship is not a destination. It is an ongoing process that continues for years and sometimes decades after active treatment ends. Choosing to look for what a difficult experience is teaching you, rather than asking why it happened to you, is a learnable approach, not a personality trait. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why cancer opens a club you never wanted to join 01:42 - What treatment looks like when it hits harder than expected 03:37 - Why a negative genetic test does not mean what most people think 09:42 - How the same treatment can feel completely different for different people 14:05 - What happens to a relationship when a partner becomes the caregiver 16:00 - Why finishing treatment can feel like a free fall 19:12 - What the now-what moment looks like from inside 27:28 - How Cancer Buddy helps survivors find people who truly get it 35:17 - Why finding meaning in hard things is different from toxic positivity 39:59 - Three practical tools for managing fear of recurrence

For decades, there were two options when your drinking became a problem: a 12-step program or a residential treatment center. Both carries stigma, both requires a label, and neither fits the vast majority of people who weren't maybe physically addicted but were drinking more than they wanted to. In this episode, Tess sits down with Vedant Pradeep, co-founder of Reframe, an app for helping people reduce their alcohol intake or quit drinking altogether. With six million downloads and research partnerships at Emory and Harvard, Reframe was built on a simple but powerful idea: you have agency over your behavior, and the path to change is built through neuroscience, habit loops, and self-efficacy, not shame and labels. Vedant and Tess go deep on the 12-step model's core assumption, that you are powerless, and why it may be the very thing that keeps people stuck. They explore what it actually looks like when you stop avoiding triggers and start rewiring the loops underneath them. They also get into the surprising data on private drinking and loneliness in younger generations, why "Damp January" outperforms "Dry January" for lasting change, and what GLP-1 medications might do for addiction treatment the way SSRIs did for mental health. What listeners will learn: Why the 12-step model's self-efficacy problem may be keeping more people stuck than it helps The difference between the "I can't drink" identity and the "I don't drink" identity, and why one word changes everything What loneliness, boredom, and stress data reveal about why Gen Z is drinking more privately than publicly Why small experiments like Damp January outperform total abstinence commitments for most people, including a stat that may surprise you How to use an app as a diagnostic: what it means if you try to cut back and genuinely can't What the 66-day habit change science says about why 28-day insurance-covered programs often fail Reframe Med: how the app now connects users with naltrexone prescriptions for people whose cravings need more than behavioral change Why Vedant believes GLP-1 medications could do for addiction what Prozac did for depression What listeners will learn: CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Vedant Pradeep and What Is Reframe 01:14 Origin Story: From OCD Research to Spotting a Gap in Alcohol Support 03:27 Why Reframe Chose Neuroscience Over the 12-Step Model 06:23 The Spectrum of Alcohol Use: Mindful Moderation vs. Abstinence 09:56 How Neural Pathways Drive Drinking Habits (And How to Rewire Them) 11:26 The Identity Shift: "I Don't Drink" vs. "I Can't Drink" 12:19 Gen Z, Loneliness, and the Rise of Private Drinking 17:07 The Moment That Starts Change: Relationship Crisis as Catalyst 22:10 Why Damp January Works Better Than Dry January for Most People 28:32 The Insurance Problem: Why 28-Day Programs Fall Short of the Science 35:12 What's Next for Reframe: Peak Human Condition and Reframe Med 43:00 GLP-1 Medications and the Future of Addiction Treatment GUEST AND RESOURCE CREDITS Guest: Vedant Pradeep, Co-Founder, Reframe App: Reframe available on iOS and Android Download/site: reframeapp.com

Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything. Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal. Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about. What listeners will learn: What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative A single reflection question to carry into the week CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity 02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built 03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen 05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference 06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It 08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think) 09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say 10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down? 11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.

The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body. In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first. Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are. What you will learn: The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat it Why stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm again Why Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meeting What nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppression The electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival mode Why five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort) The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stress What managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problem Dr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quiz CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober 00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education 02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters 04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss) 08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression 13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full 14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System. 22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like 28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It) 33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything 37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth 41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen Z Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint Book: Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter) Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGu Learn more: https://harbourfrontchiropractic.com/dr-suzanne-bober Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly conversations about generational challenges in the workplace and our daily lives. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it. That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet. In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud. Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem. What you'll learn: Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer are The "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended on Why Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrived The trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missing Why leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worse One concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-one CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work 02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses 04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing) 04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left 06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem. 07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship 08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal 09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic 11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One 11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem. In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room. What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds. What you'll learn: What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelings Why organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagement The neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for it Why being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not more Why empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with them What both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right now The four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurement Practical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediately CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin 00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate 05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It) 07:38 What Empathy Actually Is: Perspective Taking and the Prefrontal Cortex 11:04 Why Being More Connected Is Making Us Less Empathetic 16:20 Empathy Is Not Agreement: Why That Distinction Changes Everything 20:04 The Generational Tension: What Older Leaders and Younger Workers Both Get Wrong 26:17 Listening-Led Leadership and Why Assumption Is the Enemy of Performance 32:26 How Mimi Works: Speaking, Content, and the Four Stages of Change 35:25 Who's Actually Doing This Right: Satya Nadella, Chanel, and Jamil Zaki 39:06 Practice Creates Permanence, Not Perfection 41:03 40 Ways to Connect: Practical Tools Anyone Can Use Today Guest: Mimi Nicklin Organization: Empathy Everywhere Website: empathyeverywhere.co Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes. Visit TessBrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line. In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level? Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing. We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast. What you'll learn in this episode: Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enough The BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationships The 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behavior The 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinking Why anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneath The difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everything Why self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not less How to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson 01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood 05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity 09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day 13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind 15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style 17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step) 21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier 30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone) 32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma 40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything 46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next Steps Guest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development School Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict. There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything. If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you. What you'll learn in this episode: What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress The three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidance Why Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behavior Why the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say instead The one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them move Three concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent around CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation 01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress 02:24 How triangulation shows up at work: managers, HR, and the desk-side vent 03:00 Why the pattern feels good: anxiety reduction and Robin Dunbar on gossip as social bonding 04:47 Why "just talk to them directly" almost never works: you are asking someone to give up something that is working 05:45 Why the pattern never resolves the conflict: relief is real but temporary, and the same tension resurfaces 06:30 The third driver nobody names: risk avoidance and the real cost of going direct 07:50 The Maya story: a year of Friday coffee venting, one question, and one sentence that shifted everything 11:30 What to do when you are the third point in someone else's conflict 11:47 Three concrete things managers can do right now 13:30 The bottom line: conflict avoided is conflict postponed Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about fixing the mess in the modern workplace. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them. In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them. We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team. What you'll learn in this episode: Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces then Why apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent people Why steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks like A step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoiding How to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedules What one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire team Resources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergent CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach 00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching 04:27 Why more adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and autism now 07:10 The midlife tipping point: when systems that worked before suddenly stop working 10:17 ADHD vs. autism: overlaps and differences in the coaching approach 11:30 Why apps and planners keep failing neurodivergent people 15:12 Productivity vs. steadiness: why the wrong goal is burning people out 20:20 Technology, constant access, and the value of learning to do nothing 24:14 The hard-thing setup protocol, time blocking, and energy blocking 31:38 Mindset advice that backfires and the autistic burnout risk 34:01 Late diagnosis: shame, grief, resources for parents, and why parents need coaching too 43:37 What managers can do: one small change that ends up benefiting everyone Follow Genie Love & Join Her Newsletter https://beyondcoaching.pro/ Join the Dear Gen Mess Community to get the weekly download of the generational challenges facing us all. https://www.tessbrigham.com/podcast Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

She is the manager first to respond to a message, even outside of normal business hours. She takes on every project nobody else wants. She quietly rewrites deliverables before they go out, even when she technically does not have to. Her team loves her, leadership loves her, she is the best manager you've ever worked with. And she is running on fumes in a way that will never once show up on paper. In this solo episode I go deep on a pattern I see repeatedly in my work with high-performing managers, particularly women. This is not about a leadership style or a personality trait. It is about a childhood role that never got put down. And it is quietly running her nervous system every single day at work. I walk through the psychology of parentification, Murray Bowen's concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy, and why the standard advice, just delegate more, does not just fail these managers. In some cases it actively makes things worse. I also share a composite case study and give both the manager living this pattern and the leaders above her something concrete to do differently. What you'll learn in this episode: What parentification is and the story it writes in a child's brain before they have words to question it Why overfunctioning is not a trust problem or a perfectionism problem but an anxiety regulation problem Why telling your best manager to delegate more can accidentally deepen the compulsive pattern instead of breaking it Three specific ways the standard delegation advice backfires What actually helps: the one question to ask before taking something back over How to give feedback to a manager like this without triggering the old story that she needs to try harder CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and hook: the manager who seems to handle everything 00:58 What this episode is really about: a childhood role that never got put down 02:10 Parentification: the framework and the story it writes in the brain 03:15 Eldest daughter syndrome: what it is, who it applies to, and why Tess is focusing on women today 04:48 The Sierrico thesis on birth order and caretaking roles, and how they become a management style 05:45 Murray Bowen: overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy 06:30 Why overfunctioning is really about anxiety regulation, not the quality of the work 07:07 Why just delegate more misses the mark and why willpower won't fix a body problem 08:20 Three specific ways telling someone to delegate more backfires 09:25 Meet Rachel: the composite case study and what her day actually looks like 11:20 It does not look like a wound. It looks like competence. 11:41 What actually helps: noticing, pausing, and getting curious before taking back over 12:30 How to give feedback to a manager like Rachel without triggering the old story 13:45 The bottom line: burnout in your best managers is an old role playing out on a new stage Check Out These Related Episodes: Ep 47: The Manager Effect | Why Your Boss Impacts Your Mental Health More Than You Think with Ashley Herd Ep 44: The Real Reason HR, Managers, and Employees Are Exhausted Follow for weekly episodes that aren't just fixing the mess, but teaching you how to live in it. Visit tessbrigham.com for more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever watched a talented employee just stop trying? They know what to do. They have the skills. And still, nothing. What you are witnessing is not a character flaw. It is a brain event. And until now, most of us have had no name for it. Dr. Kyra Bobinet is a public health physician, scientist, and behavioral designer who has spent her career closing what she calls the know-do gap: the space between knowing what you should do and actually doing it. She has identified the specific brain region responsible for killing motivation, generating negative self-talk, and driving everything from procrastination to addiction. It is called the habenula. It is the size of a pea. And it is running more of your team's behavior than you realize. In this conversation we go deep on the neuroscience of motivation and disengagement, what triggers the habenula (and what that is) to shut people down at work, why GLP-1 medications are actually addiction drugs that work through this same brain region, how Gen Z's particular history with social media and loneliness makes them especially vulnerable to habenula overload, and what managers can actually do about it. Dr. Bobinet also shares the iterative mindset framework she has published in peer-reviewed research, which is available as a free tool at her website. What you'll learn in this episode: What the habenula is and why it is the master control switch for motivation and negative self-talk How trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and social media overload create a hypersensitive habenula Why 1 in 3 Americans are using alcohol, cannabis, or nicotine during the workday and what that tells us about workplace stress The surprising reason GLP-1s like Ozempic reduce cravings for alcohol, nicotine, and nail-biting (not just food) Why 67% of Gen Z report loneliness and what that means for their performance at work The iterative mindset: why you cannot fail if you are experimenting, and how managers can use this to support struggling employees A real workplace ritual that Dr. Bobinet uses to protect motivation and build retention on her team CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 Introduction and guest bio: Dr. Kyra Bobinet, public health physician and behavioral designer 01:06 Origin story: patients who swear they'll change and then don't, and the know-do gap 03:04 The habenula: what it is, how it kills motivation, and why it drives negative self-talk 07:00 Habenula vs. amygdala: the prediction machine vs. the fear response 09:10 Trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and the hypersensitive habenula 11:46 Substances at work: the stat, the self-medication cycle, and the habenula's role in addiction and cravings 15:47 GLP-1s and the habenula: why they reduce cravings far beyond weight loss 19:53 Loneliness, belonging, and why 67% of Gen Z report feeling lonely 24:04 What happens in the brain when someone stops making progress at work 29:13 Building small wins into the workday and the iterative mindset framework 37:07 Gen Z, social media overload, and what managers are getting wrong about disengagement 45:10 Workplace rituals that protect motivation, plus the third/third/third hiring rule 49:37 Why 30-day resets backfire and what to do instead: the planner, the doer, and the free tool at drkyrabobinet.com Subscribe to the podcast for weekly content, and visit tessbrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There is a fear spreading through management right now that nobody is naming out loud. Managers are scared to give feedback to their Gen Z employees. And because it stays unspoken, it is quietly destroying performance culture inside organizations everywhere. In this episode, I walk through exactly why this is happening, what it's costing you, and what works when it comes to delivering feedback to a younger workforce. This is not a Gen Z problem, and it is not a manager problem. It is a product of a generation raised with a very specific relationship to evaluation, criticism, and their own sense of worth colliding with a management culture that was never trained to work with that reality. I draw on Carol Dweck's research on fixed vs. growth mindset, Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion and external performance feedback, organizational researcher Edgar Schein's concept of humble inquiry, and Sheila Heen's research from Thanks for the Feedback to explain what is actually happening in those feedback conversations when they go sideways. Then I give you concrete, specific tools to make them go differently. What you'll learn in this episode: Why a significant portion of Gen Z was never given direct developmental feedback before they entered your organization The neurological leap that turns a comment about a deliverable into an identity threat Three specific things that go wrong in most feedback conversations with Gen Z A 20-second framing technique that changes the entire dynamic before you say a single word of feedback Why Gen Z does not leave managers who give honest feedback, and who they actually leave CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 The fear managers won't say out loud 00:40 The millennial manager story: one feedback conversation that went wrong and what happened next 02:01 The deep mismatch in expectations, emotional history, and how Gen Z was wired to receive feedback 02:10 Carol Dweck: growth mindset and the conditions required to develop it 03:20 How self-esteem culture, protective parenting, and social media shaped Gen Z's relationship with evaluation 03:44 Dr. Kristin Neff: self-compassion research and what happens when worth is tied to external feedback 04:08 The leap: how this report missed the mark becomes you are inadequate 04:41 Many Gen Z employees have never received direct developmental feedback before 05:00 Three specific things going wrong in feedback conversations right now 05:00 Problem 1: feedback is about identity, not behavior 05:45 Problem 2: no relational foundation exists before the feedback lands (Edgar Schein, humble inquiry) 06:25 Problem 3: expectations were never set clearly upfront 07:04 One concrete shift: the 20-second framing technique 07:50 Sheila Heen: asking for a smaller piece to give employees agency 08:30 The real truth about what Gen Z actually needs from a manager Download my FREE Gen Z Playbook: https://www.tessbrigham.com/#retention Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are our educational systems actually built for the people who need them most? For students who are also parents, caregivers, veterans, and full-time workers, the traditional model of higher education was never designed with them in mind. And in the Black community, where those layers of responsibility are often even more pronounced. The gap between who the system was built for and who it needs to serve has real consequences. In this conversation I sit down with Dr. Alvin McLean, clinical psychologist and dean of psychology at National University, and Cherina Shaw, PhD candidate in psychology, doula, mother of six, and homeschool parent. We cover a lot of ground in this one, from why psychology training pipelines produce so few Black therapists, to what culturally responsive care actually looks like in practice, to one of the most important insights I have heard about worldview and how it shapes the kind of advice a person can actually receive. We also talk about where integrated physical and mental healthcare is headed and why it matters more than most people realize. This conversation is for HR leaders, healthcare providers, therapists in training, and anyone thinking about what it means to really see the people they are trying to help. What you'll learn in this episode: What is actually driving the shortage of Black therapists and what flexible institutions like National University are doing about it What "culturally responsive care" looks like in daily clinical practice Why collective worldview is not the same as personal preference and why missing that distinction derails treatment Why humility, not expertise, is the most important thing a healthcare provider or leader can bring to any conversation How integrated physical and mental healthcare is already reducing costs and improving outcomes CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:37 Dr. McLean on why he focused his career on Black mental health 04:10 Cherina's path to a psychology PhD 07:50 Why psychology programs produce so few Black therapists and what the system gets wrong 08:09 HBCUs, state-by-state licensing, and the structural gap in the pipeline 11:16 National University's flexible model and why 70% of their students are people of color 13:22 Starting the pipeline earlier: building toward psychology careers at the elementary level 14:36 The problem with taking one multicultural competency class and calling it done 16:00 How the doctoral program at National University structures a full year of multicultural training 17:27 Implicit bias training in hospitals and why it matters for patient outcomes 18:59 Gen Z and therapy: more acceptance, but are they doing the work? 20:44 The Amazon generation and the demand for instant results 21:41 Young Black men being open about emotions on reality TV and what that signals 22:24 The gap between checking the therapy box and real internal change 23:25 The future of integrated physical and mental healthcare 25:38 Why integrated care is gaining momentum: cost data and long-term outcomes 26:11 How technology is reshaping mental health needs across generations 27:14 Intentional technology use and reclaiming mental downtime 30:38 What does culturally responsive care actually look like in practice? 31:03 Preparation, listening, partnership over task completion 33:02 Collective worldview: why prioritizing yourself can feel like betrayal 35:02 How to recognize a collective worldview through observation and conversation 38:13 Humility as the foundation of culturally competent care 39:14 Imposter syndrome, the pressure to have all the answers, and learning to let go of it 41:23 Acknowledging intersecting identities in coaching and clinical work 43:41 Prison reform: rehabilitation, for-profit prisons, and what actually works 44:50 Peer support specialists and preparing people to return to community 51:05 Final takeaways from both guests 51:25 Healing is incremental, ongoing, and that is okay 52:25 Collaborative care and leading with humility Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I had no idea anything was wrong. They seemed fine and then they just quit. This is the most common thing I hear from managers and HR leaders right now. And here is what I need you to understand: The silence is not the problem. The silence is the symptom. In this solo episode, I break down exactly what is happening psychologically when a Gen Z employee goes quiet, why this generation responds to stress by withdrawing rather than speaking up, and what you can do to catch it before it becomes a resignation letter you never saw coming. I walk through the neuroscience behind this pattern, including neuroscientist Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory and why the nervous system's freeze response gets misread by managers as contentment. I also draw on developmental psychologist Jean Twenge's research on Gen Z's anxiety levels and psychologist Wendy Mogul's work on the parenting patterns that left this generation without the tools to navigate interpersonal friction at work. And I give you three specific behavioral signals to watch for, plus two questions you can ask in your next one on one that change the entire dynamic. What you'll learn in this episode: Why silence from a Gen Z employee is data, not contentment The neuroscience of the freeze response and why it gets misread as low drama How Gen Z's upbringing left many of them without tools for navigating conflict at work Three specific behavioral signals that a Gen Z employee is disengaging Two questions to ask in your next one on one that actually give permission for honesty CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 Opening hook: the resignation that came out of nowhere 00:40 Why silence surprises us: managers are trained to look for the wrong signals 01:45 What Gen Z gives you instead: quiet, gradual withdrawal 02:18 Jean Twenge's research on Gen Z's anxiety and nervous system development 03:20 The heightened threat detection response this generation developed 03:50 Stephen Porges: polyvagal theory and the freeze response 04:42 Wendy Mogul: parenting patterns and the lack of tools for interpersonal friction 05:45 Signal 1: They stop asking questions 06:10 Signal 2: Responses get shorter and more transactional 06:35 Signal 3: They stop bringing problems to you (the most dangerous signal) 07:06 Client story: the 25-year-old who stopped speaking in meetings 07:50 What to do: one concrete thing to try this week 08:30 Two specific questions to ask in your next one on one 09:33 Closing and call to action Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I sit down with Laura McDonald, co-founder of Flora Fertility, the first individually owned insurance solution for fertility and women's health. Laura is a bestselling author, former financial media personality, and the founder of Canada's largest financial media company focused on women and wealth, which she built, scaled, and sold. Now she is tackling one of the most urgent and under-discussed financial crises facing the next generation: the cost of fertility care. We talk about why 72% of Gen Z women are already thinking about fertility anxiety before they are even trying to conceive, why the current group benefits model is failing most employees, how Flora Fertility is changing that with individually owned coverage starting at $15 a month, and what HR leaders and parents can actually do right now. If you manage Gen Z employees, have a young adult daughter, or are a young woman thinking about your own options, this conversation will change the way you look at reproductive health as a financial planning issue. What you'll learn in this episode: Why Gen Z women are thinking about fertility earlier than any generation before them The data behind the fertility financial crisis (and why the existing employer model isn't solving it) How Flora Fertility works and why individual ownership changes everything Why the average Gen Z employee's 12-job career makes employer-tied benefits a broken model What HR leaders should be doing right now, and what parents can do too CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and guest bio 01:04 Laura's origin story: from financial media to fertility insurance 07:20 Why Gen Z women are thinking about fertility by age 23: the data 10:24 Tess's theory on how Gen Z women approach life differently than Gen X 12:41 Laura's own daughters and the reality of Gen Z's mindset around family 14:35 Birth rates, delayed motherhood, and what the data actually shows 16:31 Why women are finally being honest about what parenthood really looks like 19:18 The conversation parents need to be having with their 22-24 year old daughters 20:34 How Flora Fertility works: pricing, coverage, and the set-it-and-forget-it model 23:23 The financial reality: 80% of people pay for IVF on credit cards 25:32 How financial stress directly affects fertility outcomes 26:06 Why Fortune 500 fertility benefits are not the solution most people think they are 31:12 Emotional intelligence, pet insurance, and why Flora resonates differently 33:37 How Flora is earning trust with a generation skeptical of insurance 37:54 Why Flora may be the first financial product Gen Z women ever actually buy 40:25 The gig economy, 12 jobs, and why benefits have to travel with you 41:45 What HR leaders should be doing right now 43:55 Parents as policyholders: gifting coverage to adult children Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.