Advertise on podcast: GRACEPILLED with Hanna Williams

READ THE ZINE ONLINE HERE:www.hannawilliams.com/zine Connect with me, Hanna, your host: Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (human design library, merch, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled(join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101 for free!) In this deeply personal episode of GRACEPILLED, I read aloud from Dementia, Ego Work, and Grief, a zine I wrote between 2019–2021 while navigating my mother's alcohol-induced dementia, our complicated relationship, and the ongoing challenges of caring for an aging parent. Through a collection of essays, journal entries, and reflections, I explore the strange experience of grieving someone who is still alive, particularly when that person has also been a source of tremendous suffering. I reflect on the relationship between grief and attachment, the effects of childhood trauma and gaslighting, intergenerational patterns of suffering, and the difficult process of establishing boundaries without abandoning compassion. At the heart of the writing is a question about spiritual practice: How do we learn to accept what we cannot fix? Drawing from my experiences with yoga, ego work, and surrender, I explore the movement from hypervigilance and codependency toward greater self-knowledge, personal agency, and the capacity to meet reality as it is rather than as we wish it would be. Reading the zine aloud years after writing it, I offer spontaneous commentary, reflect on how my understanding has changed, and find myself unexpectedly moved to tears on several occasions. This episode is an intimate exploration of dementia, anticipatory grief, complicated family relationships, spiritual growth, and the sometimes painful work of learning to let go.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host: Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (human design library, merch, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled(join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101 for free!) Connect with Meredith, our guest: Instagram: @gravesmeredith In this episode, Meredith Graves returns to Gracepilled for an exploratory conversation about data science for magicians, spiritual practitioners, and anyone interested in understanding the mysterious patterns shaping their lives. What happens when we begin to approach our lived experience as data? Rather than immediately interpreting every coincidence as a sign, every difficulty as a punishment, or every unexpected desire as a divine instruction, what if we learned to observe our experiences with curiosity, discernment, and a willingness to experiment? Drawing from our respective backgrounds in classical Shakta Tantra and Western esotericism, Meredith and I explore the relationship between spiritual practice and the scientific method. We discuss how spiritual traditions themselves can be understood as accumulated bodies of experiential data, how our personal biases influence what we notice, and why asking "What could this mean?" might be far more useful than asking "What does this mean?" Along the way, we talk about identifying recurring patterns, auditing our actual values, learning to trust our strange obsessions, and distinguishing meaningful information from the endless stream of stimuli we encounter every day. We also explore how gathering data over time can help us become less reactive, less attached to our interpretations, and more willing to make creative experiments out of our own lives. This isn't a conversation in which either of us claims to have all the answers. It's an experiment in itself, two spiritual practitioners thinking out loud about an idea we've both found tremendously useful: what if your life is an ongoing experiment, and you're allowed to be curious about the results?

JOIN ME FOR GRACE 102 ON OCTOBER 27TH AT 6PM MST[get the zoom link by joining my patreon as a paid member, unsubscribe at any time]Connect with me, Hanna, your host: Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled[join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!] What is the most worthwhile thing you can do with your entire life? My answer is simple: cultivate a spiritual disposition that can sustain you through everything life brings, from its greatest pleasures to its inevitable difficulties. In this episode, I explore why making spirituality our primary consideration is not just a good idea, but a practical necessity for anyone who wants to live fully in a world defined by constant change. We examine the cultural obsession with youthfulness, productivity, and avoiding death, and how these attitudes can prevent us from developing a healthy relationship with the realities of human embodiment. I also discuss the difference between relying on perishable things, like our bodies, material circumstances, and external supports, and cultivating something that can sustain us regardless of what happens. What does it mean to develop a spiritual disposition rooted in devotion, surrender, and perseverance? How can we learn to metabolize grief, struggle, and uncertainty rather than spending our lives trying to escape them? But this isn't just a conversation about preparing for hardship or making peace with death. It's also about becoming more deeply available to the beauty of being alive. As we take the spiritual process more seriously, we become increasingly capable of finding joy in ordinary moments, deepening our relationships, and appreciating life exactly as it is. Ultimately, this episode is an invitation to fall in love with the entire spiritual process, rather than constantly chasing its imagined rewards. To stop fighting against the present moment, make friends with the reality of change, and cultivate an approach to life that will serve you for the whole show, from the opening scene to the closing curtain.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host: Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled(join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!) In this episode, I’m talking about Saturn as the force in our lives that teaches us discipline, responsibility, delayed gratification, and ultimately, real satisfaction. Saturn gets a bad reputation because its lessons often arrive through limitation, pressure, hard work, and the things we would really rather avoid, but there’s another way to understand this energy: as the force that helps us build a life we can actually feel good about having lived. I talk about my own Saturn return and the ways it completely reoriented my life, why instant gratification can keep us from discovering what we actually want and need, and why structure and discipline can ultimately create more freedom rather than less. We’ll also get into impulse control, the satisfaction of doing difficult things, the inconvenient things you know you need, and the responsibilities and dreams that will probably keep haunting you until you finally rise to meet them. Toward the end, I also explore Saturn through the lens of karma yoga and selfless service, including a simple question to consider: what would it look like to do the necessary work no one wants to do, for people who cannot repay you, without seeking recognition? Maybe Saturn isn’t here to punish you. Maybe Saturn is trying to help you get your shit together so you can actually live your life.

Connect with my guest, Fiona:instagram.com/fionanodarfionanodar.comConnect with me, Hanna, your host: Art store: distantplanetdesign.etsy.comInstagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled(join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) What if tension isn’t a problem to solve, but an essential part of what makes us feel alive? In this conversation, I’m joined by writer, mediator, and growth companion Fiona Nodar to explore tension as a spiritual, creative, and relational force. We talk about what happens when we stop organizing our lives around comfort and certainty and instead become more willing to meet the mystery, friction, and resistance inherent in being alive. We explore tension as the place where we come into contact with reality: in conflict, creativity, sexuality, relationships, change, and the uncomfortable freedom of having choices. We talk about why avoiding tension doesn’t actually make it disappear, the relationship between tension and transformation, and what it might mean to develop a greater capacity for the unknown rather than constantly trying to resolve it. Our conversation also wanders into love and projection, the humiliation of genuinely pursuing what we desire, free will versus determinism, duality and nonduality, and my perennial spiritual question: Can I have both? Ultimately, we consider the possibility that God may not only be found in moments of peace, unity, and transcendence—but in the charged space between opposing forces, where something new is always trying to emerge.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host: Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled(join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!) What does it actually take to stay on the spiritual path for the long haul? In this episode, we explore perseverance as one of the most essential, and perhaps least glamorous, ingredients of genuine spiritual transformation. The path is not always filled with profound insights, mystical experiences, or obvious signs that something is working. Much of it is ordinary. You practice, you forget, you come back. You lose the thread and pick it up again. Sometimes nothing seems to be happening at all. And yet, this willingness to continue is precisely what allows the path to deepen over time. Through reflections on devotion, discipline, death, liberation, and the long arc of spiritual practice, this episode explores what it means to keep choosing the path without demanding constant evidence that you are getting somewhere. Perseverance becomes less about forcing yourself forward and more about developing a relationship with practice that can survive boredom, difficulty, disappointment, and the inevitable seasons when your inspiration disappears. Ultimately, the spiritual path may have much less to do with becoming a perfect practitioner and much more to do with becoming someone who simply keeps returning.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!) What does it mean to take responsibility for your inner state when the world gives you plenty of legitimate reasons to feel terrible? In this episode, I explore the spiritual assumption underneath the question, “How can I be happy when there’s so much suffering in the world?” and why I don’t believe our happiness is meant to be entirely dependent on external circumstances. We get into the difference between actually processing difficult emotions and becoming committed to misery, why unresolved grief, resentment, and conflict are like a room full of crying babies making presence nearly impossible, and why tending to those feelings is part of learning to consciously shift your state. I also talk about the strange idea that our suffering somehow helps other people who are suffering, and make the case that choosing to enjoy your life, do meaningful work, love God, and become a little harder for the world to knock over might actually be a greater contribution to the collective than remaining perpetually disempowered by everything that’s wrong.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!) In this Q&A episode, I’m answering your questions about fear, shame, rejection, victimhood, chronic illness, creativity, desire, manifestation, and what it actually means to work with the hand life deals you. We talk about becoming the author of your life, how fear can point you toward your highest potential, why you might not know the “lesson” of a difficult experience until years later, and how to let old parts of yourself stay at the table without letting them run the show. I also get into the yoga of wanting things: pursuing what you desire, working to change your circumstances, and participating fully in your life without making your peace dependent on getting the outcome you wanted. We talk about accepting the reality of illness without giving up on improving it, making art as a devotional practice, the slippery slope of manifestation and reality creation, and remembering the difference between the side quests of this life and the main quest. Here is the book list I shared: • My Name Is Chellis and I’m in Recovery from Western Civilization by Chellis Glendinning • Tantra Illuminated by Christopher D. Wallis • The Many Daughters of Afong Moy by Jamie Ford • Ritual: Power, Healing and Community by Malidoma Patrice Somé • High Magick by Damien Echols • Six Ways by Aidan Wachter • Living from the Heart by Puran Bair • Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation by Bruce Tift • In Praise of the Goddess: The Devimahatmya and Its Meaning by Devadatta Kali • Decolonizing Methodologies by Linda Tuhiwai Smith • Still Here by Ram Dass • Crooked Cucumber, the biography of Shunryu Suzuki Basically, this is an episode about how to want things, fear things, lose things, change things, and still keep your eye on the main quest.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to listen to GRACE 101!) Kundalini has become one of the most sensationalized—and misunderstood—concepts in modern spirituality. In this episode, I share an essay exploring the classical tantric understanding of Kundalini as it has been taught in my lineage over the last eleven years. Rather than treating Kundalini as a rare energetic event or dramatic spiritual experience, we explore Her as the very power of Grace: the evolutionary force of consciousness that purifies the mind, awakens the heart, and ultimately reveals God. Along the way, we discuss why Kundalini is synonymous with Grace and prana, the difference between chit kundalini and prana kundalini, why intense "kundalini experiences" are not necessarily signs of advanced spiritual development, and why surrender—not striving—is the essence of authentic Kundalini Yoga. We also examine the emotional side of spiritual purification, the role of a teacher, and how the deepest work of awakening often unfolds far more subtly than the internet would have you believe.

SIGN UP FOR CONFLICT SCHOOL: www.hannawilliams.com/conflictschool Connect with Monika Alanna  Instagram: @rooted.relating (coaching/grief counseling)@magicksalt (handmade jewelry, art, writing)www.magicksalt.com Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, human design, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) What if the hardest conflict you'll ever face isn't with another person—but with yourself? In this conversation, Monika Alanna and I explore the subtle ways we avoid truth in order to avoid conflict. We talk about self-betrayal, people-pleasing, desire, compromise, relationships, nervous system regulation, and why so many of us sacrifice our own authenticity in the pursuit of belonging, love, or peace. Along the way, we ask questions like: What makes someone a good compromise partner? How do you know the difference between compromise and self-sacrifice? Why do the things we love most about someone often become the very things that frustrate us? And what happens when we finally stop trying to avoid conflict altogether? More than anything, this episode is an invitation to rethink conflict. Conflict is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is an inevitable and even transformative part of being alive. The goal isn't to eliminate conflict. The goal is to develop the skills, awareness, and courage to meet it well. Whether you're navigating romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, or your own inner world, I hope this conversation leaves you feeling a little more equipped to tell the truth, stay present through discomfort, and choose relationships that make both people more free.

Connect with me, Hanna, your host:CONFLICT SCHOOL STARTS JULY 28th  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, merch, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) What happens when a classical Tantrika sits down with someone who has spent years working in the world of Neo Tantra and erotic bodywork? In this conversation, we explore where these two worlds overlap, where they fundamentally diverge, and what questions they raise about intimacy, healing, spirituality, sex work, vulnerability, and the search for God. Rather than trying to arrive at definitive answers, this episode is an invitation into a thoughtful and curious exploration of one of the most misunderstood subjects in contemporary spirituality.

Connect with Dave, my guest: https://www.instagram.com/dadima.ayurveda.yoga/ what we said at the end: vijnañabhairava tantra  Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) What is Tantra, really? In this episode, I sit down with David Yoss for an ambitious conversation: attempting to explain the vast world of classical Tantra in a single sitting. What began as a tongue-in-cheek challenge quickly became an exploration of just how difficult Tantra is to define. Far from being a single religion, philosophy, or practice, Tantra is a diverse family of traditions that has shaped Hinduism, Buddhism, ritual practice, yoga, mysticism, and devotional life across South Asia for over a thousand years. Together, we explore some of the key themes that appear across Tantric traditions, while also discussing the historical and cultural forces that have shaped modern understandings (and misunderstandings) of Tantra in the West. Topics include: • Why scholars still struggle to agree on a single definition of Tantra • The meaning of the word "Tantra" and its relationship to sacred texts and revelation • Mantra as a living embodiment of divine power rather than a symbolic prayer • Initiation, lineage, and the role of the guru in Tantric practice • Ritual, puja, visualization, and worship in the "temple of the mind" • The subtle body, chakras, nyasa, and the installation of mantras within the body • Dualistic and nondual Tantric philosophies • Why Tantra is often associated with transgression and what that actually means • Left-handed and right-handed approaches to Tantric practice • Siddhis, spiritual attainments, and the distinction between liberation and worldly goals • The historical development of Tantra and its relationship to Hinduism and Buddhism • How colonialism and Victorian attitudes toward sexuality influenced Western perceptions of Tantra • The origins of Neo-Tantra and how it differs from classical Tantric traditions Whether you're completely new to Tantra or have been practicing for years, this conversation offers a broad introduction to one of the most influential, misunderstood, and fascinating spiritual movements in human history. Or at least our best attempt at explaining it in ninety minutes.

Connect with my guest, Kayla: www.instagram.com/kayla.radhika www.kaylaradhika.ca www.patreon.com/cw/KaylaMiller493Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Art store: distantplanetdesign.etsy.com Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) In this episode of Gracepilled, I’m joined by multidisciplinary artist, mystic, and tantric yoga teacher Kayla Radhika Miller for a wide-ranging conversation about the relationship between art and spiritual practice. Together, we explore what happens when creativity stops being mere self-expression and starts becoming a genuine path of perception, devotion, and transformation. We talk about beauty as a force that interrupts the thinking mind, the parallels between artistic discipline and mantra practice, and how the creative process can train us to see reality more clearly. We also explore the tension between technique and surrender, why frustration is often part of both spiritual and artistic growth, and the difference between making something “correct” versus making something truly alive. Along the way, we dive into tantra, perception, abstract art, devotional practice, artistic limitation, self-portraiture, color theory, AI art, and the mysterious question of whether art can carry transmission. Kayla brings a rare blend of depth to this conversation through her background in tantric yoga, Kashmir Shaivism, expressive arts facilitation, and art history, and together we reflect on how creativity itself can become a doorway into relationship with the sacred. This episode is for artists, seekers, and anyone interested in the deeper spiritual function of beauty, perception, and creative practice.

free human design resource: www.hannawilliams.com/humandesignget a written analysis from me join me on patreon In this solo episode of Gracepilled, I share the deeply personal story of how Human Design entered my life during a period of burnout, confusion, financial instability, and spiritual identity crisis. What began as skepticism toward a “channeled” system eventually became a profound framework for understanding individuality, authenticity, energy, relationships, and the spiritual process itself. I explores my experience discovering I am a Projector, the strange synchronicities that pulled me deeper into the system, and why Human Design ultimately felt less like a departure from my tantric background and more like another way of studying God, consciousness, and human behavior. Along the way, I reflect on burnout culture, deconditioning, differentiation, spiritual integrity, relational dynamics, openness and sensitivity, and the liberating power of radically accepting what you actually are instead of trying to become something else.

REGISTRATION FOR CONFLICT SCHOOL OPENS JUNE 16TH!Connect with me, Hanna, your host:  Instagram: @grace.pilledhannawilliams.com (bookings, conflict school, etc)patreon.com/gracepilled (join as a free member to get access to a collection of talks!) Connect with Monika Alanna  Instagram: @rooted.relating (coaching/grief counseling)@magicksalt (handmade jewelry, art, writing)www.magicksalt.com In this episode, Monika and I sit down for a deeply personal conversation about conflict, honesty, intimacy, self-betrayal, nervous system regulation, and what it actually means to love another human being truthfully. We explore the ways our childhoods shaped our relationship to conflict, why so many people fear honest conversations, and how relational rupture can sometimes become the doorway to deeper intimacy, self-awareness, and transformation. We talk about family systems, tone policing, “canaries in the coal mine,” heartbreak, staying too long, leaving too late, and the difficult reality that sometimes love asks us to confront truths we desperately wish were not true. Throughout the conversation, we return again and again to the idea that conflict is not inherently destructive. In many ways, conflict is the mechanism through which real connection becomes possible. We discuss how nervous system regulation impacts our ability to listen, why most people black out during difficult conversations, the difference between abusive communication and emotional intensity, and how learning to tolerate discomfort may actually be the pathway to the intimacy most people claim to want. We also speak candidly about our own lives and relationships: what it means to feel unseen, how people carry old wounds into present relationships, the stories we tell ourselves after heartbreak, and the strange grace that can emerge when we stop avoiding difficult truths. This episode is philosophical, emotionally raw, funny at times, and deeply rooted in the belief that the life we want often exists on the other side of the conversations we are most afraid to have. Conflict School begins July 28th. This year, the course will be six weeks long instead of four, giving us much more room to go deeper into the anatomy of conflict, communication, nervous system work, rupture and repair, relational dynamics, and actionable skills that can radically transform the way you engage with disagreement and intimacy. Registration opens June 16th. From June 16th–23rd, we’ll be offering an early bird rate of $200 for the full six-week program. After that, the price increases to $250. More details will be available on my website soon. Let’s get into it.