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Some families are now facing a two-year minimum wait just to be assessed for autism. Around 295,000 people are on the waiting list in England. A private clinic can do it in weeks, if you can pay. Gaz and Andy start with the "golden ticket" debate. The diagnosis opens the door to support, so what happens to the families who cannot afford to skip the queue? Andy remembers the first time he filled in the benefits form for Lydia, writing down her worst day when every instinct as a parent was to build her up. Andy asks how often a private assessment ever says no, and Gaz looks it up while they record. Nobody is tracking it. Then school. A new study links exclusion to worse mental health later on, and there is a big difference between a child who won't behave and a child who can't cope. Two hundred million pounds of new teacher training sounds good, but knowing what autism is and knowing what to do when a child will not walk into the classroom are two very different things. Andy says something he never expected to say: he feels lucky that Lydia's needs are so profound, because the children in between are the ones still fighting to be believed. Along the way: feeling politically homeless as SEND parents, the petition that went past 100,000, and a fear only an autism parent would have. Not what is causing the power cut, but how you get your child through it. Gaz rings home in the middle of recording to sort it. And the National Autistic Society now says autism is genetic. So why do so many of us still lie awake asking whether it was something we did? Timestamps 00:00 Cold open 00:13 Intro 00:22 A week that flew by 01:13 A two-year minimum wait for an autism assessment 02:02 295,000 people on the waiting list 03:12 The diagnosis as a "golden ticket" 05:13 The form that makes you describe your child's worst day 07:11 Private diagnosis: how often does it say no? 09:03 Does money buy a faster route to support? 10:19 "She's fine at school. It's at home she isn't." 12:07 School exclusion: won't behave, or can't cope? 14:34 "Would you mind not bringing your child in today?" 16:20 £200 million for SEND teacher training 19:30 "I feel lucky her needs are so profound" 22:33 The teenager nobody believes 23:45 Politically homeless 27:39 What a real SEND policy would look like 34:33 The petition that went past 100,000 41:31 Stockpiling, and a power cut with an autistic child 45:39 Gaz rings home mid-episode 48:02 The National Autistic Society says autism is genetic 50:50 "Was it something we did?" 52:34 UK, US, Australia: everyone is waiting 53:29 Mailing list, guests, the studio and the Discord 55:25 The Oxford Half Marathon, and the fundraiser we forgot Gaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud. Everything we do is in the link tree in our bio.

Not the episode we planned to record.This week a three year old went missing from a playground in Suffolk and was found in a pond the next day. He was non-verbal, partially deaf and on the autism pathway. Thirteen hundred members of the public joined the search.This is not an investigation, and it is not a judgement on a devastated family. It is about a danger that thousands of families live with every single day and almost nobody is warned about: elopement.Elopement is when an autistic person leaves a safe space, a responsible adult or a supervised area without the knowledge or agreement of the person supporting them. It can look like bolting, slipping silently through an exit, following a strong interest, or getting away from something overwhelming. It is not naughtiness. It is not defiance. It is not proof that a parent does not care. And it is not something a child stops doing because you call their name.The numbers are hard to read. Forty-nine percent of autistic children aged four to ten have tried to leave at least once, four times the rate of their own brothers and sisters. Fifty-three percent went missing long enough to cause real alarm. The average time missing is 41.5 minutes. Sixty-five percent had a close call with traffic. Autistic children are 160 times more likely to die from drowning than other children.Gaz and Andy talk about their own near misses, why "never take your eyes off them" is useless advice, what actually lowers the risk, and the one warning every parent should be given on the day of diagnosis and never is.Replace judgment with awareness, and awareness with action.Timestamps00:00 Not the episode we planned04:30 Absconding, eloping, wandering: none of the words fit05:11 Ten seconds, and a barefoot run down the street08:19 Nobody tells you this on the day of diagnosis09:05 What elopement actually is, in plain English09:56 Calling their name does not stop them11:35 What pulls them: water, traffic, trains, and the way out13:47 Forty-nine percent, four times the rate, 41.5 minutes15:27 160 times more likely to drown16:27 Swimming lessons, and the risk they can create17:34 Reins, biting, and the grandparent problem19:30 The mental load: scanning gates, exits, roads and water21:28 "Never take your eyes off them"22:39 Safety comes in layers26:39 "Watch harder", trackers, and what they cannot do30:26 Why people reach for blame33:23 What families can actually do38:06 The photograph you take before you leave the house41:55 If your child goes missing, call 999 straight away44:32 Should elopement risk be written into an EHCP?48:17 Thank you to thirteen hundred people49:47 Replace judgment with awarenessFor Noah.Everything we do is in the link tree in our bio.

Andy put a post up asking autism parents to name the one fear they have never said out loud. 858 people answered, and 103 of them said almost exactly the same thing.So we sat down and read them. Not the tidy ones, the ones people only admit when nobody can see their name next to it. Mourning the child you thought you were getting. Envying families who can wake up and just go somewhere. Feeling like you are managing your child rather than enjoying them. Wondering, honestly, what your life would look like if this had gone differently.And underneath nearly all of them, the same question that every one of us circles back to at three in the morning: what happens to them after I am gone.If you have ever had a thought you were ashamed of, this episode is 858 people telling you that you are not the only one who has had it.Timestamps00:00 Cold open00:13 Intro00:39 The Indi app and a summer of tracking02:25 The post that got 858 replies03:33 The child you thought you were getting07:12 Watching other families do the ordinary12:38 "It's not a superpower, and I'm tired of pretending"16:00 Neuro spicy, and who gets to pick the words23:11 Managing, not living26:33 What it costs the other children30:52 The fear nobody says out loud32:47 What happens when I die42:42 Studio news, guests, and the fantasy league47:13 Why we now support a Serie B team in ItalyGaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud.Link tree in bio.

Robbie Williams announced at 52 that he is autistic, and said he has "a little bit of autism". Within a day the community had split over the phrasing.Gaz and Andy use it as a way into the question that keeps coming back. If one word covers Robbie Williams, and the same word covers Lydia, who is five, non-verbal and working with Makaton cards, does it still tell anyone anything? And if it doesn't, would splitting autism into levels help, or would it quietly move support away from the families already fighting hardest to get it?Along the way, Lydia brings her mum her shoes and says ""Daddy"" for the first time. Thomas drops his communication card in a packed Aldi, and two strangers know exactly what it is.Timestamps00:00 Robbie Williams, 52, and ""a little bit of autism""07:42 Has the word ""autism"" stopped meaning anything?09:23 ""I have to explain that she's not Robbie Williams""11:25 What levels would do to the families in the middle14:03 ""Mild"" autism, and who gets to decide it's mild16:25 Making profound autism visible enough to change policy18:16 Lydia brings her shoes and says ""Daddy""20:26 A spectrum ""widened to the point of collapse""21:53 Private clinics, and the money behind a diagnosis22:54 Should the diagnosis just be the starting point?25:21 Why is the EHCP process still on paper?26:58 The enemy isn't another autistic family30:11 Does ""autism"" tell you enough about the person?32:12 The autism community police35:04 ""Thomas isn't suffering. I am.""37:23 Aldi, and the stranger who knew what the card was for41:27 Who would be in charge of drawing the lines?44:23 If it's already split where you live, tell us how it works47:21 The autism dads' night out51:07 Country Fest, and two men judging dogsLink tree in bio.

Andy put a video up asking one question: which phrase from a professional never left you? His own was a paediatrician who would not answer whether Lydia was autistic, and instead said "we just need to ensure she reaches her potential, whatever that looks like." Around 685 parents answered. It is the only post we have ever done that got more comments than likes.So we sorted the lot and read them back. The denial, the low expectations, the gatekeeping, the ones that were meant kindly and landed like a brick, and the small number that got it exactly right. Over half of the worst of it came from a professional or a school. This one is heavy in places and very funny in others, and if you have ever been told your child does not look autistic, you are going to recognise most of it.Timestamps00:00 Thomas spells Playbarn on his iPad and reroutes the whole day02:49 The video Andy posted, and the phrase that never left him06:26 685 replies, and more comments than likes07:30 The split: denial, low expectations, cruelty, blame09:18 Over half of it came from a professional or a school10:34 "He doesn't look autistic" and what spazzy is actually short for15:10 The comebacks parents keep ready15:48 The grandad in the supermarket18:15 "Your autistic children may never thrive in school"19:02 Why families actually want a diagnosis22:35 "She isn't worth the funding" and the iceberg23:24 "Masking is a skill you should be proud of"24:38 The tongue tie nobody would treat25:51 Written off, and proven wrong32:05 The ones that were meant kindly34:53 The worst thing anyone said35:50 The comments about the comments36:01 What autistic adults asked us to hear37:38 The professionals who got it right40:36 A diagnosis doesn't change who your child is41:10 Hope without a promise41:25 Eye contact, and who it is really for45:04 Takiwatanga: in his or her own time46:01 "So am I. Don't worry. We see each other."47:20 Lydia's sleep, transitions and the summer holidaysTimecodes are taken from the raw recording and need tightening once the cold open is on the front of the final cut.Latest episode in the link tree in bio.

Across the world, parents of autistic children are being offered something that sounds almost miraculous. Clinics promise better speech, better eye contact, calmer behaviour, and in some cases claim to repair or reverse autism. The price runs from £10,000 to £40,000, and often more than once. Over the last few months we've been approached by clinic after clinic wanting to come on the show and sell it to you. We said no. Instead we went and read the studies. This one isn't about having a go at parents. Every parent looking at this is acting out of love, and we've both been desperate enough to try anything. But love doesn't mean a clinic gets to make huge claims without evidence. Stem cell therapy is a legitimate area of research. It is not currently a proven treatment for autism, and there's a difference between something being researched and something being proven. We also get into the ITV whistleblower, and the GB News piece asking whether "those people" should have access to children. Timestamps 00:00 Hope, science, or a very expensive gamble 02:21 We are not attacking parents 10:15 What autism actually is 13:18 What stem cells actually are 15:56 The 2017 Duke study, 25 kids and no placebo 18:47 The 2020 Duke study, and what it found 24:38 Claim: a 95% success rate 29:08 Why you'd swear blind it worked 31:45 Thomas and Lydia progressed. Neither had stem cells 35:37 Claim: it repairs the autistic brain 38:12 Claim: most children improve 40:45 Claim: our treatment is evidence based 43:02 The risks nobody puts in the brochure 48:00 What that money could buy instead 50:45 The influencer taking commission 54:02 Have a word with yourself 66:45 "Have you missed the treatment window?" 72:32 Myths and facts 82:55 The ITV whistleblower 86:50 GB News and "those people" Latest episode in the link tree in bio.

This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Jolanta Lasota, Chief Executive of Ambitious about Autism, at their college in Isleworth. 16 years leading the charity and mum to a 21-year-old autistic son, Jolanta has seen the whole picture, from the early years right through to adulthood and employment. We talk about why purpose matters more than exams, the young man who is non-speaking and holds down two jobs, the boy who was allowed to come to school in his pyjamas, and naming the grief nobody warns you about. Jolanta describes raising an autistic child as walking through woods with no path and no torch, and says the job is to be the one who carries the light. Honest, hopeful, and one of our favourite conversations yet. Timestamps - 00:00 Welcome, and where we are today - 00:27 [GUEST]'s journey, 16 years at Ambitious about Autism - 01:07 What's really changed in how we understand autism - 05:57 The sensory pod that blew us away - 06:58 The schools, the age groups, and post-19 provision - 10:36 Why "purpose" matters more than a curriculum - 12:20 "Walking through woods with no torch": what family life feels like - 13:27 The non-speaking young man with two jobs - 15:03 Are employers actually changing? - 15:49 Policy, the white paper, and autism as a political football - 20:06 Being the "happy helper", never enemy-ising people - 22:14 What school looks like at four to seven - 24:40 Focus on strengths, don't drill them on what they can't do - 27:09 Gaz's own school story: six D's and learning differently - 33:03 The weight of GCSEs and "lost leaders" - 38:02 Don't underestimate them: the iPad "daddy" moment - 40:28 Parents' guilt, and why it won't always be okay - 43:47 Grief without a death - 45:06 What's next for Ambitious about Autism - 49:13 Thanks and close

Paul Mullin has scored goals in front of millions and become a household name through Welcome to Wrexham. But this one is about the part of his life the cameras rarely catch: being dad to Albi, his autistic son. Gaz and Andy sit down with Paul for an honest, Albi-centric conversation about the regression that stopped his little boy in his tracks, the guilt that kept him up at night, and why he wouldn't change a single thing about his son. Plus the moment Albi found a way to tell him 'you're my best friend' without saying a word. If you have ever felt like the only dad going through this, this one is for you. Timestamps 00:00 Welcome Paul Mullin 01:00 The first signs, and Albi after his 12-month jabs 02:00 Regression: like a click of the fingers 04:00 The guilt, and crying himself to sleep 04:30 I wouldn't pay a penny to change him 05:35 Denial, and getting the diagnosis 07:20 Speaking about it on Welcome to Wrexham 08:24 The hope that kills you 11:38 Why 'he'll be fine' doesn't help 13:00 Did he grieve? The problem-solver dad 16:14 Being a footballer dad: time away and routine 19:12 How Albi communicates now 22:15 Holidays: frozen meals, dry ice and the airport 25:40 Coming home: holidays, holidays, holidays 27:50 Razor-sharp awareness: he just knows 29:20 The crafty negotiator: jet skis and boats 33:40 The best friend clip 35:07 Macho on the pitch, in tears at home 35:48 Autism in Racing and giving back 38:26 Nobody ever asks the dad how he is 43:00 Advice to a dad just starting the journey New episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week. Real talk, real dads, real autism. Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

One missed board and one wrong word at in the morning, and Thomas's whole morning falls apart. This week Gaz and Andy unpack how much detail autistic kids track, why a single word can rewrite their day, and how much they understand even mid-meltdown. Plus Lydia becomes swimmer of the week, the new-neighbour conversation every autism parent knows, and an honest, conflicted take on the under-16 social media ban and what it overlooks for autistic teens.Timestamps00:00 Charlie's shop opening and meeting Sophie the BTS superfan02:00 Lydia's swimming breakthrough: swimmer of the week03:40 Thomas's Monday meltdown: how one wrong word derailed the morning06:10 He knew the score: what the meltdown hid09:15 The new neighbour, the fence, and explaining autism again11:05 Attention to detail: the thing they do best14:35 The under-16 social media ban: where we land26:15 What the ban gets wrong about autistic kidsLatest episode and Discord in the link tree in our bio. Merch from Neurospicy & Co at neurospicyandco.uk, 10% off with code DADCAST.

Every parent of an autistic child has been told the same thing: just take the nappy off and sit them on the toilet. This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Charmaine, a learning disability nurse turned continence consultant with over 30 years of experience, and find out why that advice not only fails, it can make things worse.What starts as a chat about toilet training turns into something much bigger: gut health, the gut-brain connection, sleep, meltdowns, and the quiet toll this takes on a whole family. Charmaine explains why you have to start inside the body and not on the toilet, why it is learning and not training, and why no parent struggling with this has ever been failing.If you have ever felt judged, stuck, or completely on your own with this, this one is for you.Chapters00:00 Meet Charmaine, continence consultant02:45 Why toilet training is so hard for autistic kids03:34 Gut health and the gut biome05:43 The gut as a second brain10:07 Where to actually start (inside the body)11:59 The Bristol stool chart21:54 Nobody makes mistakes: parent blame and misinformation25:51 Learning, not training30:05 Why rewards do not work38:20 What the NHS offers, and the postcode lottery49:53 Why it works at home but not at school53:47 It was never lazy parenting57:42 Sleep, the brain and meltdowns1:08:50 Charmaine's support group and free resources1:13:18 The real cost: holidays, work and isolationFind CharmaineClear Steps Consultancy: https://www.clearstepsconsultancy.co.ukSupport group: How to Get the Wee and Poo in the Loo (videos, live sessions and free downloads)Socials: search "continence consultant and trainer" on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedInNew episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week. Real talk, real dads, real autism. Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

You can know your child inside out and still be blindsided in the space of a week. This one starts with Thomas opening the front door and wandering off down a hill in a quiet Shropshire village - the same week Lydia did almost exactly the same thing. From there it runs into the half-term chaos that brought biting back out of nowhere, the dread of summer toilet training and puberty creeping into view, and a proper kicking of the Department for Education for handing SEND to Gemma Collins after the white paper left families feeling gaslit. Underneath the rage and the dark humour, it lands somewhere quieter. Gaz and Andy talk about the pre-autism photos, the grief that takes turns between two parents, and the two-second forehead touch that says everything a spoken "I love you" never will. You'll come away realising two things can be true at once. You can grieve the life you pictured and still get up and be the dad your kid actually needs.

You sit down with the paediatrician. You've got half an hour. You know the first 20 minutes will be you trying to prove your child is different to every other child in that waiting room - and you'll walk out no further forward. Orrin Benford knows that feeling. After a year of being fobbed off across GPs, neurologists and urologists for his daughter Indie, he stopped trying to remember everything off the top of his head and built something that did it for him. This episode is about what happens when parents stop fighting and start advocating - with the full picture, not a half-remembered one. In this episode: Orrin's journey from digital-nomad life to full-time parent carer in Australia, why so many parents feel gaslit by the system, the difference between fighting and effective advocacy, and how technology is finally letting parents drive change instead of waiting for the system to catch up. 🔑 Key moments: - 00:38 — Orrin's story: England, Australia, and an airport on Christmas Day - 04:29 — The seizure the day after Indie's first birthday - 12:15 — Healthcare in Australia vs the UK vs Dubai - 17:05 — Why parents hand over "dirty, incomplete data" - 19:22 — The two-page summary that changed everything - 25:16 — Why it's not gaslighting, but it feels like it - 37:35 — The handovers, the ring binders, and the things you forget - 46:19 — The things that break parents are the things that didn't need to happen If this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review - it helps other parents find us. Follow Orrin: @OrrinBenford | The app: @theindiapp #AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

Adam Parkinson came on this week. One of the Two Mr. Ps. Teaching assistant. Podcaster. Dad of two — a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old autistic son called Max. We talked about Max. We talked about the plane aisle moment his wife filmed without telling him, that went viral and started everything. We talked about siblings, and what it means to watch your daughter try not to look upset when her brother destroys her Barbie Dream House. We talked about online trolls, the dads' WhatsApp group, and the time a stranger told him celebrating his son's diagnosis was "like celebrating your kid having cancer." And we talked about the moment in Popeye's last weekend when Max tried a chicken tender for the first time, looked up, and said one word he'd never said before. Timestamps: 0:00 — SATs week, Popeye's, and a school uniform standoff 3:00 — Meet Adam and the family 4:00 — Spotting it during lockdown 5:18 — You're allowed to mourn the life you planned 6:23 — The plane aisle video that started everything 8:31 — Isla, sibling of the year 10:55 — When the Barbie Dream House got destroyed 11:53 — You can never relax 13:16 — What people don't understand until they live it 15:14 — The small wins nobody else sees 17:25 — Autism top trumps and 23 hours awake 18:30 — Handling violent moments differently after the community 20:07 — Verdict. Great. Outstanding. 21:25 — Are dads in the SEND world overlooked? 24:33 — Permission to talk 26:55 — The celebrating cancer comment 28:13 — Chubby Tommy Robinson and other DMs 31:51 — The dads' WhatsApp army 38:33 — Two Mr. Ps and how it started 49:17 — Pen licences and getting recognised in your swimming shorts 59:55 — Adam's advice to a dad at diagnosis

We ran the London Marathon. We didn't train. We finished it. And then we had a conversation we weren't expecting to have. Halfway through writing this off as a marathon recap, we ended up admitting something neither of us had said out loud before. We talk a lot about wanting to be around as long as we can for our kids. But if we're honest, we're not always doing the things that would actually make that happen. This one's got the funny stuff. The rhinos overtaking us. The fireman in full kit with an air canister on his back. The stranger who fed Gaz crisps when his calf cramped outside a pub. But underneath all of it, the question we couldn't stop asking each other. Are we doing enough? And if we're not, when does that stop? Timestamps: 0:00 — Medals, recovery, and the post-marathon shock 1:00 — The trainer mistake nobody warned us about 3:30 — Hitting the wall at 25k 4:53 — How slick the event actually was 6:30 — Cody's Sark and looking for Mish in the crowd 7:34 — Tower Bridge and faking it for the BBC camera 8:35 — "I'd love to do it again, but I'd train this time" 9:00 — Why we're already signing up for next year 11:21 — The bug we didn't expect to catch 12:23 — The honest conversation about staying alive 14:14 — What you'd say on your deathbed 16:11 — The other dads getting stuck in19:07 — Sean's response when he saw Mish 19:33 — Ambitious About Autism at mile 25 21:13 — Garmin lies and the 22-mile detour 22:35 — The fridge runner and the dementia genes 23:34 — The best of London on one day 27:19 — Why the donations kept us going 29:51 — The crisps, the IPA and the kindness of strangers 35:01 — Crossing the line and the wave of emotion 35:32 — The voice note that made Gaz cry 36:48 — The school forgot Thomas's good luck present 37:41 — A shout out to Spot Limited 40:11 — Buying us a coffee mid-marathon 41:35 — Adam Parkinson and the Australian app 42:31 — The kick up the arse we needed

We put two sets of questions to the community. One for dads, one for mums. The dads sent seven. The mums sent seventeen. And most of the mums' questions were about how to get their partner on board. This one hits different. We talk about what happens when you refuse to accept your child's diagnosis. Why dads get left behind. Why mums end up carrying everything. And the moment you have to stop making it about you and start making it about your kid. We also answer the question nobody wants to think about: what do you actually miss? Not the big stuff. The everyday things that every other parent takes for granted. If you're a dad still sitting on the fence, this is the one. Timestamps:0:00 — Marathon panic and stepping in human feces4:39 — Q&A starts: dads' questions5:06 — How did the diagnosis hit you?11:27 — Living in silence and burnout17:33 — Golden hope for adulthood19:25 — Low expectations and why we stop pushing our kids23:05 — Why mums do all the work29:01 — Should the UK adopt autism levels?32:12 — Guilt of calling home from work34:53 — Mums' questions begin35:02 — Why does mum do all the research?39:29 — The wake-up call for dads41:44 — How to support your partner after diagnosis46:42 — Processing trauma of being dismissed52:30 — Coping with isolation1:00:04 — The video that broke us1:02:14 — Advice for grandparents, friends, and family1:10:22 — Coping as a single mum1:14:03 — Keeping calm when professionals fail you1:19:22 — Why is it so hard to be heard?1:22:36 — Unawareness in the medical community1:25:35 — No support after diagnosis1:26:59 — Why aren't there enough specialist schools?1:32:22 — What do dads miss the most?1:36:24 — Supporting a partner as a stepparent1:40:39 — Helping your husband find his tribe