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Bulletin… incoming. 📢 This week we bring you the latest news from around the world that we have absolutely no clue about. We speculate, we accumulate, and we state with total confidence exactly what we think. And if you don’t like it… well, you know the line. On the agenda: the Russian virus, the PS5 crash, and the question that’s been keeping the nation up at night: is Mrs Dell a robot, a victim of some truly unfortunate surgery, or something altogether more… reptilian? 🦎 Plus plenty more topical nonsense, all delivered with the confidence of two people who definitely haven’t read past the headline. Tune in for the latest in Our Shit Podcast.

There's never a good time to shit yourself… or is there? This week Chloe and Lady M dive bum-first into the great debate: the best, the worst, and the frankly unforgivable moments to lose control of your bowels. From first dates to job interviews, sky-driving to that one wedding, no scenario is safe and no dignity survives. Expect banter. Expect embarrassing stories we probably should've kept to ourselves. But mostly, expect the same verbal shit we talk every week, and we know you love it. Grab your headphones, clench accordingly, and press play.

What would you actually do if catastrophe struck right now? Chloe and Lady M find themselves trapped in a burning office block at the Shard, thanks to a helicopter crash, the flooded city below crawling with man-eating sharks, and a crazy mob outside plus we have to deal with Jill, who let's be honest isn't our favourite co-worker. Naturally, the plan involves sacrificing Jill, going toe-to-toe with sharks using an industrial stapler, and negotiating a McDonald's order for the monkey army mid-crisis. Oh, and Chloe is fully convinced she's The Rock - in this scenario, and honestly in real life too. Expect terrible logic, questionable priorities, and zero heroics.

This week we're unpacking the stuff that's totally fine... until you actually think about it. Who should really be in charge of the big red button (spoiler: it's us). What it would look like if we got fat, put on a suit, and rode a motorcycle shaking our t**s down the high street. How big we'd be "down there" if we'd been born men (Answer: HUGE) We also uncover irrefutable evidence that Jesus was, in fact, a pimp - sorry in advance to anyone raised religious. Plus it's officially Vagina Day. Streets are empty, everyone's staying inside and men have finally got the one day a year they've always wanted - 24 hours as a woman, vagina included. Naturally this led to us naming ours after the latest series we binged. Chloe's is "Emergency Room." Lady M's is "The Gentleman." No further questions. Grab your headphones, apologise to your nan, and press play.

It was Lady M's birthday last week, which means it's time to get morbid this week. To celebrate another trip round the sun, we crack open IMDb's death list and turns out we're both spectacularly bad at knowing who's famous. Then there's the shocking case of Dolly (spoiler: Jolene did it, we're calling it, case closed). We run through who we're quietly hoping snuffs it next, who's firmly on the protected list, and then we go full philosophical and try to work out what actually happens when you die. We don't know. But Magic Mike reckons it's the fifth dimension, so that's settled then. And because no episode about death is complete without it, Chloe closes things out with a heartfelt rendition of Cher. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let's talk about the big sleep.

This week we're turning the mics on each other with a round of random questions and things get messy fast. Before the questions even begin, we somehow cover the great emergency alarm incident, why Count Binface is quietly the best politician in Britain and why Chloe looks like Bugs Bunny today. Henry Cavill also gets a mention, in a chicken suit, doing God knows what behind the scenes. Naturally, it all spirals into way too much information about our personal lives, with enough innuendo to make you question our upbringing. Sorry in advance to our families. Enjoy.

This week Chloe and Lady M tackle the biggest debate of our generation: what deserves to be cancelled, and what deserves a triumphant comeback tour. Spoiler alert - plastic straws are getting fully reinstated, no notes, no apologies. Meanwhile shrinkflation ruining vintage chocolate bars is getting the boot. On the bring-back list: full-size chocolate bars, £5 notes hidden in crisp packets, teletext holidays (RIP scrolling through Ceefax for a caravan in Skegness), and boredom as a lifestyle. Also we're finally clearing up the Cameron confusion once and for all (it's James, not David, and yes, we will die on this hill). Expect zero structure, several tangents, and at least one moment where we should probably be cancelled ourselves. You're welcome. 🎧 New episode out now.

This week: a full rant about the struggles of human interaction - including our own. Gym slap-arses with no concept of personal space, a little picker segment that got away from us, cowboy hats (yes, that's us), a run of shocking accents (also us), and a three-legged pigeon who's somehow is mentioned in more conversations than not. No filter, no structure, mild self-awareness. Apologies in advance to anyone mentioned, including ourselves. Enjoy the chaos.

Britain After Dark: the weird, the overlooked, and the frankly cursed corners of UK life. Two millennials shine a torch into the bits of British life that don't make the tourism adverts. This week: petty thefts and the noble tradition of impersonating a police officer, before we pull into a dimly lit layby to give dogging the serious cultural analysis it's long been denied. From there it only gets stranger - vampires, witches and our grand unified theory that nightclubs shutting and gyms opening are the same phenomenon in a hi-vis vest, with millennials leading the march from the dancefloor to the deadlift. We also pick up some mysterious shipping forecast signals and hold our salmon suspiciously, because nothing says "this island is cursed" quite like the things we do after sunset. If in doubt, flat out. Torches at the ready.

Reality is fake, your daily life is proof, and the devs stopped patching this thing years ago. This week we're breaking out of the Matrix or at least trying to, before one of us spirals about a vanishing sock and the other has to talk them down. We even asked Claude and it agreed we're in the simulation, which is either reassuring or the worst thing an AI has ever told us. Featuring: bad NPC dialogue, destroying sims, what we would do with our power - mostly destroy. Also a shoutout to our new favourite politician, Count Binface - if anyone can save British politics, it's a man with a bin for a head. Take the red pill. Or don't. You'll do whatever you're coded to. Good news though, we've cracked it. The way out of the Matrix is a phone booth, only a cycle ride away. Problem solved. See you next week.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're exploring the totally hypothetical scenario of waking up completely naked in public. What would we do? How would we handle it? Turns out, we have wildly confident and absolutely chaotic answers. We discuss our approaches with zero self-awareness, including bush bouncing, boob management techniques, and the absolutely unhinged idea of riding a giraffe bareback to escape. Because apparently that's our getaway vehicle of choice. Other brilliant crisis solutions include taking inappropriate pictures at a wedding (priorities, people), and somehow deciding that doing a full shift at Tesco whilst completely naked is totally manageable. Just another day at the checkout, right? The confidence levels are dangerously high despite the absolute chaos of our plans. We genuinely seem to think we'd handle sudden public nudity like seasoned professionals.

Forget rationing water and building shelter, this week we're stranding ourselves on a desert island with the worst possible survival kit. From smuggling in a hospitalised F1 driver to a baby nobody remembers boarding with (questionable parenting, excellent content), we rank the items we'd drag into chaos with us, purely to make the situation worse. No logic. No sense. Fair warning: we've got a solid 48 hours before Chloe goes full castaway crazy, so buckle up. Expect tangents, terrible decisions, and the kind of strategy that would make any generic survival film look like a basic bitch. Listen if you've ever wondered what not to pack.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're tackling a universal millennial problem: seeing someone do a job on TV and thinking "yeah, I could absolutely do that." We dive deep into the jobs we think we'd be genuinely good at, completely ignoring the small detail that we have zero training, zero qualifications, and zero business being anywhere near these professions. But hey, confidence is free, right? In true delusional style, we discuss and agree extensively on which jobs we could go professional at without a single day of training. We're talking complete overconfidence, unwavering belief in our own abilities, and a complete disregard for actual competence. It's chaotic, it's confident, and it's peak millennial energy - if we just believe hard enough, we can do literally anything. Spoiler alert: we absolutely cannot.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're exploring the fascinating criminal mastermind strategy of: What would you steal if you could only take things that mildly inconvenience your victim? Chloe gets absolutely rage-baited as we discuss stealing her precious books and foot-related thefts are apparently a category (don't ask), followed by tech annoyance 101. We also threw in a scary movie shoutout because apparently that's what the title references and we're nothing if not cryptic. We wrapped up with a chaotic quick-fire round of our worst burglar preferences. From book theft to password pilfering, we've covered all the petty crimes we'd commit with zero consequences. Warning: Contains rage-baiting tactics, food-related crime fantasies, password disclosure chaos, and proof we'd be terrible actual criminals.

This week on Our Shit Podcast, we're sweating through our clothes and our dignity as we discuss surviving a UK heatwave. First up: heatwave fashion. We're talking black t-shirts and shorts because that's our vibe and we're not changing it. Other summer staples include shirtless skinny men and people wearing full pajamas to the supermarket. Fashion is dead. Next crucial question: do you stay or leave the UK during a heatwave? After much deliberation, we've both agreed: absolutely always leave. The UK is a hellscape when it's warm. Then we moved onto panic summer buys - you know, those random things you impulse purchase when it's hot? Lady M said Twister lollies, but Chloe didn't hear her properly. So Lady M had to rattle off other guesses while Chloe wasn't paying attention. Then Chloe finally said "Twister lollies" and Lady M immediately claimed she'd already said that exact thing. Gaslit by your own podcast co-host, classic. We then spiraled into nostalgia comparing childhood summers versus adult summers. Lady M has plenty of golden memories to share. Chloe, on the other hand, can only remember a traumatic cat death. Moving on. We wrapped up with quick-fire rounds of what we love and hate about heatwaves - the results were predictably contradictory. Warning: Contains fashion crimes, UK weather complaints, childhood trauma, shirtless men observations, and enough gaslighting to make you question your memory.