
Advertise on podcast: Love in a F*cked Up World
Rating
5from
This podcast has
21 episodes
Language
EnglishPublisher
Dean SpadeExplicit
Yes
Date created
2025/06/09
Latest episode
2026/02/05
Average duration
51 min.
Release period
12 days
Description
Why do so many of us act our worst in relationships? How can we hold on to our liberatory values even when strong feelings are involved? For 25 years, Dean Spade has been working in movements for queer and trans liberation and to end police, prisons, immigration enforcement, and war. In his new podcast, Love in a F*cked Up World, Dean and his guests offer concrete tools for building and sustaining strong relationships, because our connections to each other are the building blocks of our resistance.
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Podcast episodes
Check latest episodes from Love in a F*cked Up World podcast
Chani Nicholas
2026/02/05
Chani Nicholas, queer feminist astrologer and author of You Were Born for This, joins Dean to talk about how she got politicized, how we hold fear and choose purposeful action in these difficult times, what it takes to stand up for what we believe in when were are under pressure, and what it means to worship time.
Visit Chani’s website for access to her app and to listen to both of her podcasts: Astrology of the Week Ahead and Down to Astro. You can watch her 2026 Astrology Forecast for the Year Ahead video on YouTube here. And read her book You Were Born for This.
Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations to go deep on themes from the podcast. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.
Green Dreamer
2026/01/29
Dean is excited to share an episode of the podcast Green Dreamer, hosted by kaméa chayne. Green Dreamer features thoughtful, engaging interviews with organizers, writers, artists, and thinkers working towards transformative change. You can listen to a recent episode featuring Dean here.
This episode features an interview with adrienne maree brown and addresses questions including: How do we navigate friendships in the context of social change and increasing political divides? What does it mean to ground ourselves in concepts that are much older than us — collectively nurturing our “garden of ideas”? And how do we move away from cancel culture to lovingly call one another in — to return and remember our shared values.
Listen to more episodes of Green Dreamer, support the show on Patreon, and visit them on Instagram.
Peter Gelderloos
2026/01/22
Dean speaks (in person!) with Peter Gelderloos, whose work has profoundly shaped Dean’s political development since he first encountered How Nonviolence Protects the State in the early 2000s. Together, they discuss revolutionary tactics, the criminalization of resistance, and how to challenge dominant narratives of pacifism. Peter also describes an “ecosystem of revolt” and shares an image that helped Dean conceptualize the new introduction to the recently released second edition of his book, Mutual Aid. Video of this episode is available on YouTube.
Check our Peter's books at the links below, along with three recent short videos he made with subMedia, “It’s Revolution or Death,” and some additional interviews.
Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can order the new edition of Mutual Aid (OUT NOW!) or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.
More from Peter:
How Nonviolence Protects the State
The Solutions are Already Here
Anarchy Works
They Will Beat the Memory Out of Us
It’s Revolution or Death: A 3-Part Video Series from subMedia and Peter Gelderloos
The Final Straw Radio: Peter Gelderloos on Memory, Community, Organization, and Struggle
Last Born in The Wilderness: How Nonviolence Protects the State / Peter Gelderloos
Holly Whitaker
2026/01/08
Dean sits down with Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman and host of the Co-Regulation podcast to talk about Holly’s critical feminist analysis of how the alcohol industry and the ubiquity of 12-step impact how we perceive drinking and sobriety.
We recommend pairing this episode with our previous episode with Shira Hassan, as well as the bonus interview with Shira that you can find for free on Patreon. Shira is the author of Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction, and her discussions with Dean also dug into addiction, sobriety, and 12-step.
Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.
More from Holly:
Co-regulation: A Podcast
Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol
Giving and Receiving Feedback
2025/12/24
In societies where we throw people away regularly, where carcerality is woven into the emotional fabric of all of our psyches and relationships, it can be VERY hard to give and receive direct feedback. Often we don’t tell people when they hurt us and then we blow up at them or ghost after saving up a pile of hurts. Or we build resentments that are toxic for us and for relationships or groups. And most of us are very defensive when people offer feedback because we’re afraid of being thrown away if we admit mistakes or listen to criticism to find out what might be useful for learning. Morgan Bassichis is back for a conversation with Dean about giving and receiving feedback directly as a way to build and strengthen relationships, and to prevent conflict from escalating to destructive and disorganizing levels.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.
Mentioned in this episode:
The new edition of Mutual Aid is coming out March 31, 2026. You can pre-order it here to have proceeds go to support the podcast. You can read an excerpt on fame and parasocial relationships here.
Shira Hassan
2025/12/10
Shira Hassan brings her brilliance and decades of experience in harm reduction, transformative justice, and self-help to this deep-dive conversation. With thoughtful questions for Dean about Love in a F*cked Up World, she opens a nuanced exploration of the relationship between dissociation and numbness, rebellious awareness and radical acceptance, the role of softness in the midst of hard work, and setting boundaries as an abolitionist and harm reductionist.
Join us on Patreon for additional content, live events, and conversations. You can also pre-order the new edition of Mutual Aid or buy cute things like hats and hoodies to keep the podcast going.
More from Shira:
Saving Our Own Lives: A Liberatory Practice of Harm Reduction
Fumbling Towards Repair: A Workbook for Community Accountability Facilitators
Transformative Justice Help Desk
7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush
2025/11/26
Crushes can be fun and enlivening, but sometimes they are ill-timed or ill-suited, and it can be hard to shake them off. Morgan Bassichis is back to discuss one of the most popular tools from Dean's book Love in a F*cked Up World: 7 Steps for De-escalating a Crush. This tool can help you to turn down the intensity of the interest or obsession when you're feeling crushed out.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show, unique content, and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.
AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 2)
2025/11/12
Jessica Lanyadoo is back with Dean for part two of this AMA, where they tackle more listener questions. They dive into everything from negotiating relationship terms — like how to open a relationship, set boundaries, and talk about safer sex — to conversations about porn, casual sex, gender envy, and parasocial relationships.
Listen to Part 1 of this episode on Apple here, Spotify here, or Dean's website here.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.
Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo
AMA with Jessica Lanyadoo (Part 1)
2025/11/05
Jessica Lanyadoo joins Dean for the first AMA episode of Love in a F*cked Up World. Jessica and Dean answer listener questions about how to navigate our relationships with friends in the context of these terrifying times, how to deal with differing awareness and practices around COVID in our community spaces, and how to negotiate and reckon with differences in class and access to resources in organizing. We got so many great questions from listeners that we’ll be releasing this conversation in two parts.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes of the show and to submit your questions for future AMA episodes.
Jessica Lanyadoo is host of Ghost of a Podcast, out twice weekly and available everywhere podcasts are heard. Find out more about her work at lovelanyadoo.com and join her on Patreon at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo
RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE:
Info about Long COVID:
https://longcovidjustice.org/resources/learn-about-long-covid/https://longcovidjustice.org/trans/Info about mask bloc and clean air club organizing and some examples:
https://maskbloc.org/about/https://cleanairclub.org/abouthttps://www.instagram.com/seattlecleanair/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/masksforlondon/?hl=enhttps://www.instagram.com/breathe.better.berlin/https://www.instagram.com/glasgowmaskbloc/?hl=en
Kelly Hayes
2025/10/22
Kelly Hayes joins Dean Spade to talk about the relational work of movement building. In a critical moment in Chicago, Kelly and Dean talk about how to establish the trust needed to take the kinds of risks necessary to fight ICE and fascist invasion. They also talk about AI and journalism, and Kelly tells Dean how when confronting fascism, "The truth is a front of struggle."
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, early access, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.
Learn more about Kelly Hayes on her website, and check out her work and key resources mentioned in the show:
Movement Memos podcast
Read This When Things Fall Apart
Let This Radicalize You
Organizing My Thoughts newsletter
Truthout
In It Together Toolkit
Weyam Ghadbian
2025/10/15
Weyam Ghadbian joins Dean Spade to talk about Dean's tool 7 Steps for Deescalating a Crush, how Weyam encouraged Dean to discuss the transformative power of love, when attachment theory is useful, and when it's ok to give self help books as gifts.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.
Check out Turning Towards Each Other: A Conflict Workbook by Weyam Ghadbian and Jovida Ross.
How to Survive the End of the World: Be My Senpai
2025/10/06
Dean is excited to share an episode of one of his favorite podcasts, How to Survive the End of the World, hosted by Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown.
In this episode, "Be My Senpai" the sisters answer a listener question about how to interface with critical feedback and even trolling. They dive into the the importance of belonging and the ways they establish safety and boundaries in their lives, how self-protection is crucial in maintaining mental health, and how competing political priorities can lead to feelings of abandonment but don't need to!
Listen to more episodes of How to Survive the End of the World, support the show on Patreon, and visit them on Instagram.
You can listen to Dean's interview with adrienne maree brown on episode 1 of Love in a F*cked Up World, and check out Autumn and adrienne's conversation with Dean on this episode of How to Survive the End of the World.
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
2025/09/29
How can you tell when it's time to leave a relationship with a person, project, job, or group? How can you tell if you have a tendency to walk away too fast or to stay too long in relationships? Morgan Bassichis is back to go deep into these questions with Dean, including talking about how to know when to keep trying to convince people of your perspective and when to move on.
Dean and Morgan recorded this episode together (in the same room!) and you can watch the video on YouTube.
Have a question for Dean? Send it in for our upcoming Ask Me Anything episode with Jessica Lanyadoo. You can reach us via Patreon or email at LOVEINAF0CKEDUPWORLD (at) gmail (the U in f*cked is a zero).
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.
Prentis Hemphill
2025/09/10
Prentis Hemphill joins Dean Spade in this episode to talk about love, organizing, and healing. They talk about projection, practice, and their approaches to writing books in the self help genre.
Check out Prentis's book, What it Takes to Heal, and podcast, Becoming the People.
This episode is available in video format on YouTube.
Support this podcast by joining the Love in a F*cked Up World community on Patreon for conversations about the themes in the podcast, tickets to online events, and to submit questions for upcoming Ask Me Anything episodes.
Long Distance and Electronic Communication
2025/08/25
Is sexting sex? And is sexting cheating if someone is monogamous? How can we be clear in our communication and boundaries? Can we feel ok giving a maybe or accepting a no?
Morgan Bassichis is back with Dean to talk through frequently asked questions about navigating long distance and electronic communication in relationships.
Do you have a question for Dean? Here are upcoming opportunities to ask:
Send us your question for an upcoming AMA episode featuring Dean and Jessica Lanyadoo. You can submit questions on Patreon or email us at loveinaf0ckedupworld (at) gmail.com.Join us September 21 at 2pm ET for a book club event online. Get your tix on Patreon.Transcript available at https://deanspade.net/podcast
And don’t miss Morgan's new show, Can I Be Frank? at Soho Playhouse through September 13! Tickets are available at https://www.sohoplayhouse.com/see-a-show/morgan-bassichis-can-i-be-frank
Podcast reviews
Read Love in a F*cked Up World podcast reviews
Acer Maple 2025/11/10
Great convos
Really enjoying the interviews and tidbits of the book. I still need to read it but in the meantime it’s very engaging to listen to the podcast. I’m l...
soularbear 2025/10/24
Medicine for these Times
Don’t skip this podcast if you’re interested in the personal as political! Dean is freeing us from so many lies of domination within sex, romance, and...
killer-ribbit 2025/09/30
Fantastic listen!
Amazing to have a podcast (and book!) that avoids moralizing relationships beyond how we care for one another. I’ve teared up, felt like my circumstan...
Seeyobahn 2025/08/02
Dean Spade rules
Revelatory and delightful—like everything Dean Spade writes, speaks or produces
usernamedotcom 2025/07/01
all we have is each other
Systems of domination, oppression, and sociopolitical control tell us that we are all individuals and that working together is futile. Thankfully, we ...
08030Harry 2025/06/19
We are all we’ve got, and we have skills
Competence is way to defeat hoplesssness. Dean Spade and these guests have been figuring out how we can help each other survive and are sharing their ...
CalvinBeee 2025/06/18
Don’t sleep on this show, listen ASAP
I’ve been following Dean Spade since his first book, Normal Life, and second book Mutual Aid, and this third book and podcast offers an unparalleled s...
LI5Gold 2025/06/17
Yes! Yes! Yes!
So grateful that Dean Spade has entered the podcast realm. Wisdom, humor, and useful tools abound. This is a must listen.
jeffrichau 2025/06/17
Keep em coming!
This book was incredibly helpful, I love that this podcast is following with real conversations around how we can love in healthy and beneficial ways ...
edrabinski 2025/06/12
Utterly necessary
Dean Spade knows so much about building movements and is so alive to the nuances of our relationships. His is a necessary voice as we find ways to be ...
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