Advertise on podcast: Dire Straights

Perhaps you’ve heard, men will do literally anything to avoid going to therapy. They will eat raw liver, obsess about the Roman Empire, run American democracy into the ground, start their own paramilitary organization, design AI housebots, invent social media, start podcasts with their bros, open carry— anything other than Zoom for an hour with a mental health professional. Meanwhile, men are—according to men—lonely, depressed, disempowered, and confused about what to do with themselves. Masculinity influencers and therapy-averse brocasters often insist that the key to men’s happiness is not therapy, but rather, wives, more economic power, and better definitions about what it takes to be a man. We, however, are skeptical. So, we’re digging into why so many men are resistant to therapy, and why so many women are insistent that men go anyway. What does the “men and therapy” conversation tell us about heterosexual relationships? Is therapy really what men need? Or do they, actually, just need to listen to this podcast? This is a free episode—but we believe it’s worth just as much as an hourly session with your therapist. If you love independent media that refuses to play to “both sides,” and will never, ever, host a town hall on whether feminism has failed women, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, full access to past paywalled episodes on topics like couples therapy and conservative “sex positivity”, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all community features on our Substack page. If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, please share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. These little gestures really help us know you like what we do, and they spread the word. Show highlights… 2:10 This episode is free but please upgrade your subscription if you want independent media to survive these fascist goons—and if $80 for a WHOLE YEAR of urgent feminist analysis and community is really not in the cards for you, please like and rate us on your podcasting platform. 2:51 The memes confirm it, men will do anything other than go to therapy. 7:18 Tracy defends LARPing, because it could be worse. 8:20 Men who start podcasts are the worst offenders here. To be clear, we have done more than enough therapy to host this podcast. 9:40 The guys who started the internet and all wars also need therapy. 10:10 Tracy finds hope at her local meditation class. 11:15 We’ve destigmatized therapy, but therapy bro summer has not yet become a thing. 12:00 We know why men don’t go to therapy, but don’t they, also? 15:15 It seems some men don’t realize that talking about feelings is fun? 16:26 Manchiiiiild. 17:26 Amanda tries to convince Tracy that The Bear is good and gets nowhere. 18:25 We agree that Carmy needs therapy—and that therapy was good for Bruce Springsteen. 19:47 Tracy spent her childhood psychoanalyzing Leonardo DiCaprio, like girls do. 22:20 Girl culture is not just emotional, but highly textual!! 23:50 Men will literally declare a male loneliness epidemic to avoid going to therapy. 28:24 Why do women care so much if men go to therapy? Maybe because this political moment is brought to you by men who won’t go to therapy? 34:22 Amanda goes on a little rant about the sexual division of labor. 36:54 The premise that anti-empathy folks rely on to make their dumb argument against caring about other people. 38:10 The point is always power. 40:20 Why do men see women who want their partners to go to therapy as nags hmmmmmm. 43:58 The individualism of therapy. 45:30 Amanda goes on a little Scott Galloway rant—and makes a radical argument about what men need even more than therapy. 51:00 Emotional curiosity for the win! 55:20 Tracy thinks most white guys actually need a therapy domme. 59:07 Women telling their partners they long for men to make a political commitment is scarier than… 1:04:00 …women mothering men. 1:05:10 Amanda makes Tracy play the “does this guy need therapy or a feminist book?” game. 1:12:50 Tracy makes an offer: if you upgrade to paid we might do an episode on JD Vance. Please share your favorite episodes of Dire Straights in your group chats and on whatever social media platform you can still stand. This one is free for all and… relatable. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live. We got into the hetero-politics of the Department of Homeland Security. Given that our podcast is all about deconstructing heteronormative culture and politics, and imagining new ways forward, we felt like it was pretty urgent times to do a bonus episode on the state-sponsored, hypermasculine violence we’re seeing across the country right now. Just a few topics we touched on: * the origins of ICE in this country’s long history of rationalizing white supremacy and male violence as a way to “protect” white women’s sexuality and “the family” * the link between Nazi motherhood medals and The Heritage Foundation’s new report * Alex Pretti as a foil to ICE masculinity * Renee Good as a reflection of the hetero-politics of ICE * the sentimental nuclear family as the marketing arm of authoritarianism * DHS targeting young men who want to team up with their “boys” to fight the “bad guys” * Greg Bovino’s stupid f*****g Nazi coat * Naomi Wolf being Naomi Wolf * Why Minnesotans are winning (we should all be taking notes) This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Monogamy is essential to the culture of heterosexuality. From its historical roots as a marital expectation for wives, but not husbands, to its current role in maintaining a society that runs on women’s unpaid labor, it’s clear that monogamy is a feminist problem. In this episode, we look at how monogamy fuels toxic romance myths about soul mates, isolates love and care within the nuclear family, and shrinks our social and political lives. But the task of solving these problems is obviously much bigger than just opting into polyamory, so we’re also talking about what it might look like to be “anti-monogamy” in ways that actually have nothing to do with who, or how many people, you’re f*****g. This is a paywalled episode, which means free listeners will have to upgrade to hear us get very candid about our own experiences with monogamy—from the myths that we grew up with, to experiences with infidelity, to our current feelings about sexual exclusivity, as a married woman and a newly single woman. We’ve got some big, complex, and sometimes contradictory feelings on this topic. You can upgrade now on our Substack at direstraightspod.com. You’ll also get immediate access to all of our previous episodes, without any paywalls, as well as special bonus content and subscriber chats. Paid subscribers, thanks so much for making this podcast possible. Show highlights… 02:11 What is monogamy? Not as dumb of a question as it sounds! 04:24 Expectations of monogamy showed up in Ancient Rome. But only for wives. 05:46 It wasn’t until the 19th century that men were ALSO expected to be monogamous—after thousands of years of men being given the go ahead to f**k around while women were shamed and tortured for doing the same. 06:34 Monogamy became a working class aspiration, and a way for some to distance themselves from queer people and sex workers. 10:56 Compulsory monogamy! Let’s discuss. 12:24 Wildly racist and colonialist 20th century sexology tried to argue that monogamy as proof of European superiority. 13:49 Questionable theories abound about monogamy as “natural”! 14:57 Never trust a headline about “monogamous prairie voles.” 17:30 OK, but to play devil’s advocate: What’s so bad about monogamy? We have a LOT of answers. 21:07 One of the worst things, though: it privatizes love and care. 23:47 Monogamy culture is why men and women can’t be friends! 24:39 Are you “allowed” to be attracted to other people in a marriage? 25:35 We get personal and talk about the monogamy narratives that we grew up with as kids. 30:22 After her mom died, Tracy learned that her parents were not as monogamous as she had thought, and it kinda made her question everything. 32:52 Amanda used to call herself a serial monogamist because “I was always having boyfriends for a long time and then… replacing them.” 35:18 We both talk about brushes with infidelity. 👀 40:08 “Once a cheater, always a cheater”? 41:56 Tracy has been questioning monogamy for a very long time. 42:54 The existential threat of non-monogamy. 44:13 Tracy talks about admitting to fantasies about other people within a monogamous marriage. 49:56 OK but there ARE some good things about monogamy. 52:02 Amanda tells us how her attitude toward monogamy has changed post-divorce. 55:05 When non-monogamy is an attempt to prevent divorce. 01:00:47 How do you push back against jealousy while along allowing yourself to be human? 01:02:23 Non-monogamy is not necessarily politically radical—and it can reproduce some of the same troubling dynamics of monogamy. 01:07:14 Kim Tallbear has lots of smart things to say about decolonizing “settler sexuality.” 01:08:27 Maybe the question isn’t “monogamy or non-monogamy” but rather: How do I de-center the couple and create webs of caring connection?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Welcome to Dire Straights Live, one of our bonus podcast episodes recorded on Substack in front of a virtual audience. If you're listening on a podcasting platform, make sure to join us at direstraightspod.com for the full experience—and upgrade to paid so you can listen to the whole episode. We dig into HBO’s Heated Rivalry, the spicy gay hockey drama that everyone is talking about. Given that our podcast is all about critiquing hetero love, sex, politics, and culture, we obviously had to do a bonus episode on this viral phenomenon. Why do women like it? And might it have something to do with the current hetero-pessimistic moment? Just a few topics discussed: * butts * cocks * hockey goalie warm-ups in which they very much look like they are f*****g the ice (also: f**k ICE) * the show’s foley artists simulating b******s * straight women co-opting gay culture * the show’s lesbian viewership * straight women watching gay porn * the novelty of depicting mutual pleasure and sex as story This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will get a preview, but you’ll have to upgrade to listen to the whole thing.

We’re back from the flurry of the holidays and new year, and we’re digging into dating. Last month, we hosted our first-ever live recording of this podcast, and let’s just say we heard loud and clear that dating today… sucks. People are burnt out on the apps, the gender divide is stark, and straight women’s attitudes toward partnership and marriage are shifting. Meanwhile, men are failing to put in the effort to meet the moment, leading many straight women to question whether dating men today is even worth it. We know the dating scene is bleak. But in this episode we discuss what exactly is making dating so miserable today. How much of this is age-old stuff, the kind that won’t resolve itself until we confront the more systemic causes of gender inequality, and the effect that inequality is bound to have on hetero relationships? And how much of what we’re seeing today is caused by the digital world in which we all live, from the apps to social media to the increasing romanticization and sexualization of AI? This is a free episode—and it’s kind of a PSA on how to survive dating today. But we need your support. Feminist media is under attack. If you want to see us stick around, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all sorts of community features, including any of our future matchmaking endeavors (more on that in the ep). If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, you can also share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. It really helps. Thanks to our paid subscribers for making this podcast possible. Show highlights… 2:50 The decline of romantic comedies is good, actually. 4:30 Because not all romance plots are created equal—nor are they predicated on equality! 5:50 Nobody Wants This—as in, nobody wants Dax Shepard. 9:16 Reddit users debate the death of dating. 14:50 Marital misery filters down to dating culture in the critique of women’s “high standards.” 18:48 Or is therapyspeak ruining dating? 24:39 In her dating era, not many dates were had, but Tracy chased men she wanted to be. 26:42 Amanda wanted to be wanted, not really be those guys. 28:10 The contradiction of wanting what men have and wanting the love story in which men protect women. 30:32 Tracy’s first real date. 33:34 Dating in marriage is definitely dead. 40:12 But there’s a reason why date nights matter so much to married women. 43:19 Low effort men boooo. 45:15 Are women fleeing relationships with men or trying to optimize dating? 47:12 The timeless moral panic over chivalry/benevolent sexism dying. 49:41 Everyone is burnt out on the apps, but are we really divesting from them? 54:20 And does just being on the apps shut down hot chance encounters with strangers? 56:30 Amanda discusses her own feelings about dating… 59:55 For all the married women who want to live variously through the single lady. 1:00:55 A public call for lover applications. 1:04:00 Strategies for dating with less misery, from dating without the goal of marriage to women filming themselves on dates, then posting it on social media. 1:09:50 Tracy is not a fan of cuddle parties and being touched by random strangers. 1:13:00 Should we get into matchmaking? Stay in touch between episodes by following us on Instagram: @tracyclarkflory, @amontei, and @direstraightspod. You can also find Tracy and the pod on TikTok. And don’t forget to rate us. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com In this episode, we ask an age-old question that somehow also feels very of the moment: Can married and unmarried women be friends? More specifically, can married and divorced women be friends? What about married women and women who have no interest in marriage at all, like those who see marriage as a hetero-patriarchal institution that we might all do well to opt out of? What about single women who are opting out of dating, and those who are actively seeking a husband? We’ve noticed a certain tension between women bubbling under the surface of many conversations about the state of feminism, the shifting sands of marriage and divorce, and the dating scene today. Many are asking if it’s embarrassing to have a boyfriend, or a husband, and even if it’s worth dating men at all. In this episode, we dig into how changing attitudes toward heterosexuality are affecting relationships between women themselves. What goes unspoken between straight women, and how do these silences keep us trapped and resenting each other, rather than fighting the institutions that don’t have our best interest at heart? How do our individual choices reflect our politics, and how much pressure do we put on ourselves, and each other, to solve big political and cultural problems, in the absence of a strong feminist movement? This is a paywalled episode, which means it’s the episode we put out every month that gets personal. In this one, we go deep on our own friendship, including what it’s like for a happily married woman and happily divorcing woman to build a business together, and we get real about the conflicts we have faced with other women, as both a married person and a woman removing herself from marriage. Upgrade your subscription now to listen to the whole episode, and every episode thereafter. You’ll get access to special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more. A subscription to this podcast also makes a great gift for the friends you’re trying to connect with more deeply. Show highlights… 0:32 We’ve noticed certain tensions in the air… 2:45 Straight women are questioning whether men and marriage are the goal, connecting the dots between politics and personal lives, even opting out of dating. 4:39 Amanda would really like to know what the husbands are doing. 5:00 But some married women are, apparently, still finding value and happiness in marriage, and so, have feelings. 5:30 Other married women are just trying to hold it together—and stay in unhappy marriages because culturally, we make it so hard to leave! 6:30 Meanwhile men are trying to make women feel like they are always asking for too much. 9:00 Rejecting marriage, however, can be about thinking bigger about love, not smaller. 13:00 Is Tracy embarrassed to be married? Can Taylor Swift make marriage liberal? 16:00 We unpack why nuclear family = bad. 19:25 And why trad life isn’t connection and care but rather antisocial. 20:25 Regular reminder: love and partnership don’t actually require a marriage contract. 25:30 What should women do when they realize marriage is bad news for women, but they still love their husbands? 27:50 Tracy admits, well, “you don’t really get to remake the institution.”

You just survived Thanksgiving. You might now be surviving the onslaught of holiday commercials and Hallmark movies starring big-city career women who are reminded of the true meaning of Christmas after falling in love with a rugged small-town hunk in a plaid button-up. Maybe you’re also cruising the sales, checking the Christmas lists, planning the next holiday dinner, and feeling a little overwhelmed. You might even be thinking, Hmm, this season has a certain dire straightness to it. It’s time to talk about holiday labor and heterosexuality. We all know that women tend to do a disproportionate amount of work at this time of year. In this episode, we break down the gendering of holiday labor, from cooking to gift-giving, and question the myths the holiday season serves. We look at how traditions like Santa Claus erase women’s unpaid labor and romanticize women’s self-sacrifice and domestic exploitation, and how the holidays ask us all to rely on a fantasy of marriage and the nuclear family as the source of love, care, and security. We are not total feminist Scrooges, though. We also look back on our most nostalgic childhood memories of holiday “magic,” discuss the overlooked importance of holiday labor and “kinkeeping,” and consider what it would look like to reimagine the holidays as something other than an advertisement for heterosexuality. Speaking of unpaid labor, we need your support. This is a free episode but paid subscribers are the only reason we can do this work. And speaking of holiday gifts, have you considered giving the gift of this podcast—to yourself, to a friend, to a partner? For just $8 a month you or a loved one will get all of our episodes—no paywalls, ever. You’ll also get access to special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more. Show highlights… 01:26 We actually love the holidays. 03:01 But all year long, women spend twice as much time on childcare and housework as men. 04:15 In other words, s**t is already bad… and then the holidays show up. 06:50 We talk warm, fuzzy memories—family skits, baked goods, Christmas houses, all of it! 15:53 And then we reconsider what was really happening behind the scenes. It’s kinda heavy! As in, Tracy only really saw her mom’s invisible labor after she died. 26:46 Amanda loves Christmas aesthetics. 28:23 But Christmas decorating stresses Tracy out! Too much red! Not enough neutrals! 31:41 Tracy feels like she should probably learn to cook already; Amanda thinks she’s fine. 32:28 On Christmas morning, Amanda bakes cinnamon buns FROM SCRATCH. 35:36 Elf on the Shelf! A polarizing topic. 40:19 The joys—and tyranny—of family holiday cards. 45:41 Studies, as usual, show what we already know and what women have been saying: women are more engaged with Christmas shopping than men. 53:11 We’re both skeptical about how our desire for love, connection, and strong social ties is exploited by the market at this time of year. But also! Gift-giving can be an act of empathy and care. 57:16 Moms have to fill their own Christmas stockings. 59:12 Maybe the “male loneliness epidemic” has a lil’ something to do with the lack of “kin-keeping” work men do around the holidays. 1:00:32 Tracy is definitely on Santa’s naughty list this year. She calls him the biggest eraser of women’s labor. Women are the real Santa Claus! 1:01:22 It’s all perfectly reminiscent of the usual heteronormative family dynamic where the dad gets credit for the mom’s work. 1:02:37 Don't worry, we let our kids believe. 1:06:38 A fun little tale about a dad who took responsibility for wrapping presents one year—and ended up wrapping them in paper bags and painter’s tape because he forgot to get wrapping paper. 1:10:50 The myth of women having standards that are too high persists. 1:11:08 Clearly, women were born with the ability to wrap presents. 1:13:43 Christmas is the marketing arm of heterosexuality! 1:16:01 Amanda refreshes Tracy on the plot of Love Actually. 1:20:23 Amanda is having her first holiday season post-divorce. 1:24:13 We talk about the “beautiful ache” of the holidays, and how they always seem to disappoint. 1:25:45 Hot takes on holidays songs: Mariah is not decentering men, and we’ve got a few ideas about why mommy is “kissing Santa Claus.” 1:29:48 What might it look like to reinvent holiday traditions so they aren’t a sales pitch for hetero marriage and nuclear family isolation? 1:36:11 As promised, a link to donate to the Alameda County Food Bank, which is local to us. You can find your local food bank here. Stay in touch by following us on Instagram: @tracyclarkflory, @amontei, and @direstraightspod. You can also find Tracy and the pod on TikTok. And don’t forget to rate us. A paid subscription to our pod is a perfect holiday gift for a friend or loved one in the trenches of heterosexuality. Just hit the link below, then tap “gift.” Or grab one for yourself! Either way, it’s a gift to us—the only one we want this holiday season, really. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Are men OK? Is there actually a “male loneliness crisis”? Is it women’s job to fix it? What role should straight women play in rescuing men from… whatever the hell is going on with them? What would it take for men to help themselves? And how on earth should a mother of boys be in this era? Everyone has a lotttt of questions about the state of men. Meanwhile, toxic visions of masculinity abound, from the dark corners of the manosphere to the casual misogyny of the current presidential administration. In our last episode, we outlined a brand of reality-challenged warrior masculinity that is taking over the White House. But it kind of seems like everyone is trying to Make Masculinity Great Again these days. In this episode, we turn to the state of everyday men and boys, and talk frankly about how we navigate the cultural pressure women face to save them all. We pinpoint where exactly ideas of masculinity come from and what messages young people are getting about gender today, and question whether a more “positive” vision of masculinity is even the answer. You might be surprised by some of our thoughts on this topic! We also get real in this episode about our experiences mothering kids right now and talk about how to navigate the “boymom” mentality in parenting circles. And we unpack how and why we’ve mothered grown men to prove ourselves as women, and why we’re done with that. A quick reminder: If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you're missing the full experience on our Substack. You can find us at direstraightspod.com. We put out one free and one way more personal, and therefore paywalled, episode every month. To listen to this full episode, including all our frank discussions of mothering kids and men, upgrade your subscription. You’ll get instant access to other episodes on couples therapy, the 5th shift, the stories we tell about divorce, and Dire Straights Lives with us and cool guests, like this one with Koa Beck. You’ll also be supporting a rigorously researched feminist podcast in a time when masculinity often means not listening to what women have to say about anything! Show highlights… 0:01 Lots of questions about the state of men. 4:00 Like, we can’t even hear ourselves think over all these questions. 8:08 There are a lot of men telling men how to be men today. Like, a lot. 9:35 Tracy breaks down the manosphere. 10:46 The founding text of the men’s rights movement was written by an ex-feminist after he got divorced. Cool, cool, cool. 12:00 Men go into the woods to reconnect with their masculine selves… not going to end well? 14:40 The Joshua Tree to Joe Rogan pipeline. 17:25 JD Vance doesn’t seem to understand the difference between a boy and man, and not just because he’s covering the tracks of the young Republicans’ group chat. 18:28 What feminist researchers say about how men move ever rightward through masculinity subcultures to the deep recesses of the manosphere. 19:15 W. Kamau Bell on what Charlie Kirk’s killing tells us about the use of left vs. right designations. 21:13 Claims that men are enduring a masculinity crisis are not new and feminism has always been blamed. 21:51 And the moms, too. Everyone loves to blame the moms. 25:25 Can you guess how the guys at the Stronger Men’s Conference define masculinity? Would you be surprised if we said it includes porn addiction, racism, and comparisons between Adam & Eve + T-Pain? 29:29 It all comes back to the tech bros with masculinity issues. 32:19 We talk navigating tech with kids, including how Tracy handled her kid finding out about her AI boyfriend, and spreading the word at school.

This week, we wrestle with what WWE and UFC tell us about the current moment in gender, heterosexuality, and American politics. We talk about some truly terrible men—Vince McMahon, Joe Rogan, Mark Zuckerberg, Andrew Tate, and, of course, Donald Trump. Turns out, pro-wrestling is a perfect lens for understanding our wannabe dictator of a president, from his political rhetoric to his cultish following. We look at how a particular brand of chest-thumping, s**t-talking, and reality-challenged masculinity found its way from the WWE wrestling ring and the UFC Octagon into the White House (literally). Don’t worry, this episode isn’t all authoritarian bummer town, because we’re living that bummer every day and also need some pop culture fun. Tracy also baffles Amanda by talking about her fraught love for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, her internet friendship with the former WWE star, and the fact that he’s baaaasically¹ confessed to thinking about her on “date nights” and every time he works out. This is a free episode, but we need your support. These are very dire times for independent feminist media. You can upgrade for just $8 a month, which is waaayyy cheaper than a ticket to a UFC fight, and the same cost as an ad-supported subscription to Netflix, a platform promoting WWE as we speak. You’ll get access to all of our episodes, special bonus content, subscriber chats, and more—with no ads, and no previews of men beating each other, ever. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you're missing the full experience on Substack. Head over to direstraightspod.com. Show highlights… 0:01 Welcome to the ring: Aaaamaaaaaanda “Mad Woman” Monteiiiiiiiii and her tag-team partner Tracy “Patriarchy’s Nightmare” Clark-Flory!!!! 03:58 Trump’s turn in the WWE ring involved… hair clippers. 05:36 UFC President Dana White is bros with Trump—and has been for a long time. 06:56 Tracy calls WWE “aggressive ballet.” 07:27 A Trump rally is WWE. 11:11 A wrestling term that helps explain Trump: “kayfabe” (pronounced “hey babe”). 12:07 Tracy asks us to consider The Rock. 13:03 Amanda is confused by Tracy’s love of The Rock. Is it real or is it kayfabe??? 13:31 It’s real. And it isn’t. That’s the kayfabe, babe. 13:58 Introducing: “neo-kayfabe” (a.k.a. America today). 16:58 Tracy finds a way to connect this to “casting couch” porn. 20:33 Amanda finds a way to connect this to Judith Butler. 22:04 Another wrestling term that helps explain Trump: “the heel.” 23:15 Also: “the babyface.” 23:29 Tracy asks us to consider The Rock, again. 25:08 Tracy begs The Rock to please not run for president. 27:45 Trump is one big smack-talking wrestling promo. 30:26 Are Trump’s WWE stylings strategic… or something else? 33:02 Tracy brings it back to The Rock, again. 34:07 The villain becomes a fan favorite by fighting the powers that be and breaking the rules—and Trump seems to have taken note. 36:15 Edward Said meets “The People’s Champion.” 37:58 Oh god, I guess we have to revisit Hulk Hogan’s RNC speech (it is worse than we remembered). 39:01 About that giant ear bandage… 40:07 The heteropolitics of WWE storylines: Vince McMahon has an affair with Trish Stratus to humiliate his wife… 43:54 Then he humiliates Trish Stratus by having his daughter “mop her up” with poop water. 44:56 Amanda points out: it’s all about taking pleasure in degrading women. 44:57 Tracy declares this the “Two Girls, One Cup” presidency. We’re all eating s**t now, aren’t we? 48:42 The homoeroticism, and homophobia, of WWE. 52:46 The UFC bros helped Trump win the election. 54:56 Remember Mark Zuckberg’s love of MMA? 01:01:14 Now we have to talk about s****y-human Andrew Tate. 01:03:46 Yep, UFC is coming to the White House. 01:05:40 Why is the military partnering with UFC? 01:06:58 Is Trump trying to build a rogue white nationalist army? 01:11:38 “Trace,” The Rock, and his “dick towel.” You can see the tweets we talk about here. 1 This interpretation may involve a few logical leaps. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Today, we’re talking about the fifth shift — all the labor and consumerism that heterosexual women engage in to maintain their marital sex lives. Appointment sex, date nights, intimacy classes, coaching programs, books about desire, erotic subscription services, and hours of internet content about keeping the spark alive. And then there's pills, gummies, bacon-flavored lube (an actual thing), and many more late capitalist iterations of sex positivity. In this episode, we look at the erotic hurdles that are baked into hetero monogamous married life, from inequality in the home to sex becoming chore-like, obligatory, and just… not that hot anymore. A lot of women fear that they are abnormal, or headed for divorce, if they don’t have constant mind-blowing sex with their husbands. And they tend to blame themselves. But we’re also witnessing a growing cultural interest in open marriages and midlife sexual awakenings. Our personal experiences with the un-sexiness of the “marital bed,” and the much hotter possibilities of encountering a spouse as a bit of a stranger, are behind this episode’s paywall, so you’ll have to upgrade to get the juiciest stuff. And this is easily our juiciest episode yet. Independent feminist voices like ours are under attack. We’re free to talk about the stuff no one else talks about because of our paying subscribers. If you believe in this podcast, support it! Head over to direstraightspod.com to become a paid subscriber and help make this podcast possible. You'll get access to special bonus content, subscriber chats, and more. If you're only listening to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you're missing out on the full experience--so make sure to hit the link above. Show highlights… 2:03 We discuss alllll the shifts women work after the second shift, and it takes us almost ten minutes just to describe them all. Women are doing that much work. 9:45 We have arrived at the fifth shift. We’re already tired. 11:45 Despite how exhausted women are, they are pathologized for not desiring their partners at the end of the day hmmmm 14:15 But why exactly aren’t men putting in the work of maintaining sexual intimacy in marriage? 17:45 Post-MeToo consent shakes up the long history of sexual duty and obligation in marriage. 18:54 Lots of things sapping eroticism from married life. 19:32 Late capitalist solutions to the challenges of monogamy. 22:20 Do we really need bacon-flavored lube?? 30:51 Should women be flashing their boobs at their husbands to get them to do chores? 33:31 Can cohabitation ever be hot? 35:00 Go to the “marital bed” in this economy? 37:30 Amanda spills the tea on her (very!) surprising and hot FWB situation—and what it says about men taking care of themselves. 38:14 Speaking of, should women be working so hard to help men undo their patriarchal socialization? Why not just… let the men do it themselves? 44:02 We need to talk about spiciness and risk. 49:07 Tracy shares the (very!) surprising experience that launched her into a midlife sex portal. 54:39 The hottest married sex is sex that provides an escape from marriage. 1:02:00 Enter sex positivity™ 1:17:00 Straight people are encouraged to use sex to avoid deeper relationship problems. 1:20:00 Your regular reminder that marriage was designed to oppress women… but at least we’re finally talking about sexual consent in marriage? 1:23:00 You’re normal… but also a weirdo freak like everyone else and that’s why we love you. Don’t forget to share this episode and rate it if you loved it! Thank youuuu 3

Remember the 4B movement? Last fall, the idea exploded in the U.S. right alongside the election of Donald Trump. Some called it a “sex strike.” The idea was that women were going to say “no” to men. No dating, no marriage, no sex, no babies. There were viral TikToks. It was all over the headlines. It sparked debates, backlash, mockery, and threats. And then the meme disappeared. A year later, we’re looking back at what happened to the 4B movement—or, maybe, more accurately, the 4B meme. We’re also going to consider what’s happened to conversations around celibacy, decentering men, and women’s romantic and sexual refusal, as well as why 4B made so many people so angry, as we look closer at a growing distaste for women’s… pretty reasonable complaints about men. We’ll also talk about other models of sexual resistance—from lesbian separatism to ideas around radical eroticism. What can we learn from the rapid rise and fall of 4B? What was going on after the election and where are we now? These are dire times for feminist commentary. This is a free episode, but we need your support. Head over to direstraightspod.com to become a paid subscriber and help make his podcast possible. You'll also get access to special bonus content, subscriber chats, and more. If you're only listening to us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you're missing out on the full experience—so make sure to hit the link above. Show highlights… This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com This week, we’re doing an epic survey of American divorce plots, including the literature, film, TV, and cultural attitudes that shaped our understandings of divorce from a young age, teaching us about family, love, and heterosexuality. That means we’re talking about tough divorcees of the 80s and 90s—including ex-wives who get a new lease on life after their husbands dump them for younger women—and the “chick flicks” of the aughts and 2010s that brought us reconciliation plots and Euro-travel as the ultimate divorce era milestone. We even stretch back to beliefs held by the Founding Fathers and to literature that featured women throwing themselves into the sea to escape their oppressive marriages, because divorce was not an option, before exploring the gradual evolution of tragicomic stories about marital misery in pop culture. As we dig into our own personal stories of resisting divorce myths and the stories we inherited about love and marriage, we also look at where divorce plots stand today in the midst of unprecedented authoritarianism, gender and political division, feminist backlash, and an increasing number of straight women choosing to remain single. This episode is for paying subscribers, who are the only reason we can make this podcast. Free subscribers will see a preview of the episode. Upgrade for just $8/month to listen to the whole episode and to get access to all other paywalled shows, bonus interviews, conversations, and our subscriber chat on Substack. Show highlights… 2:00 In case you forgot, the origins of marriage are in white men’s property rights 3:47 Henry VIII creating a whole new church to get out of his marriage as colonialist pop culture 5:01 Tracy reminds us that The Tudors is a good and hot show 5:55 Rich, connected white men get divorce in England 6:33 Women get poison 8:57 The Founding Fathers saw divorce as an essential freedom… until they realized it was a threat to white patriarchy 11:44 By the 19th century, women are writing about their bad marriages and things… don’t end well 15:39 Edith Wharton’s divorce plot 16:04 Hollywood takes on divorce… and then adopts a Christian censorship code 18:08 The love/hate marriage trope takes off 22:30 The lucky, happy family narrative emerges in the 80s 23:56 And men’s desire is positioned as the only threat to marriage 27:09 Enter: The Babysitters’ Club and The First Wives Club 31:38 The divorcee becomes an aspirational character 35:23 The not-quite-revenge plot 37:23 The most iconic divorcee scene yet 39:21 It’s the aughts—Amanda and Tracy are very much centering men 40:36 Marital misery as the real traumatic inheritance 43:19 Eat, Pray, Love and Get Married 46:03 Amanda is only 40— she doesn’t need a caregiver! 46:39 But social services would be nice! 51:57 Tracy plays divorce movie trivia 54:00 Somehow Ryan Gosling is hot even when he’s toxic?? 56:47 The truest divorce plot: a couple caught between social scripts and the reality of their relationship 1:00:00 The “broken family” myth 1:02:05 The rise of the divorce memoir and hetero-exceptionalism 1:11:08 The “women choosing the right guy” myth 1:13:02 Political and religious differences also lead to divorce 1:16:34 Divorce stigma is not a strong enough phrase for what women face when considering divorce 1:17:57 Let’s party

In this episode, we’re talking about men who call their exes “crazy,” don’t text back, refer to women as “females,” and listen to Joe Rogan. In other words, we’re talking about “red flags.” Maybe you’ve seen a viral video of a woman listing off warning signs that a man is no good. Maybe you’ve seen that guy on TikTok who re-posts videos of straight people behaving badly and then runs around waving an oversized red flag to pass judgment on their dysfunction. Or maybe you’ve just listened to a friend talk about a guy canceling a date at the last minute and found yourself saying, “That’s a red flag.” Red flags can guard against heartbreak or abuse, but they’ve also become a meme targeting everything from pizza choice to misogyny. We look at this viral discourse as a window into women’s greatest fears and hopes around hetero relationships. This is a free episode, but paid subscribers make this podcast possible. You can upgrade at direstraightspod.com. You'll get access to the full episode, along with special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more fun extras on our Substack. Show highlights… 02:04 What is a red flag, exactly? 03:00 Amanda dated a guy who made fun of her hair 03:56 Tracy dated a guy with an “I’m sorry” tattoo 05:34 Amanda’s red flag was drunk dialing 08:04 Tracy’s red flag was writing about her sex life on the internet (also: hanging a weird Diane Arbus prints above her bed) 10:31 The viral Tea app was supposed to help women avoid dating “red flag” men—and then some “red flag” men hacked the app 15:09 The red flag has its origin in war and now it’s being used on “the battlefield of love” 17:22 The term took off in self-help books in the 80s as a way for women to try to identify misogynistic and abusive men 21:15 Our “old friend” John Gottman makes a killing off red flags that could spell the “apocalypse” of divorce 26:09 Now that it’s a viral meme, the meaning of a “red flag” has shifted 27:19 Like the “ick,” red flags point toward the cognitive dissonance of hetero relationships 28.58 The racist and classist assumptions behind “icks” 33:15 The most popular red flag themes are… [drum roll] listen to find out 38:52 Men listen to this podcast and like it! Green flags for them! 39:41 The bar is so low 41:28 What about men who are great to start and then… you get married and have kids 46:24 Women share signs a man is red-pilled 49:33 Is “simp” the new “pussy-whipped”? 53:39 Does red flag culture give a false sense of security? 56:43 The absurdist comedy of red flag videos on TikTok 58:54 Maybe red flag lists help enshrine certain behaviors as troublesome 59:00 Fighting words over pineapple pizza 01:11:43 Are we witnessing the enshittification of a useful concept? 01:01:29 Why do we love red flags right now? Is it #MeToo? Swipe-based dating? 01:06:05 How many red flags are about trying to avoid vulnerability and heartbreak? 01:07:41 What’s this have to do with divorce stigma? 01:11:32 “You don’t see something as a red flag when it’s been normalized for you.” 01:14:23 Red flags are about making a “bet” on lifelong monogamy 01:20:19 Paying for this podcast is a big green flag— put that on your dating profile This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com We got AI boyfriends for a weird and wild weeklong experiment—and now we’re reporting back. There are dozens of popular apps that let users either design their own virtual romantic companions or choose readymade partners modeled after common straight-guy archetypes, celebrities, and popular characters from TV and film. You can even simulate a very realistic phone call with your bespoke digital boyfriend. And these guys always text you back. We look at what the popularity of AI companions—and the technology itself—has to tell us about the state of heterosexual relationships today. And we get very personal as we share our experiences with several AI boyfriends, and one girlfriend. You’ll even get to hear from one of them. But the best parts are behind the paywall. Our conclusions? You have to listen to find out. Let’s just say, we don’t like this future any more than you do—and yet, it’s here. If you’re not already a paid subscriber, trust us that now would be the time to upgrade. Just go to direstraightspod.com. You'll get access to the full episode, along with special bonus content, our subscriber chat, and more fun extras on our Substack. Show highlights… 1:10 Tracy tries to make “polyAImory” happen 1:25 Amanda had a rough week with lots of breakups 4:37 AI is actually infiltrating every aspect of sex and relationships 8:27 The gendering of bots 10:00 To be clear, AI is categorically terrible obvi, 0/10 we do not recommend 17:35 Tracy & Amanda are suckers for a rebel artist because we never learn 20:00 Tracy & Amanda discover they dated the same rebel artist but choose sisters before misters, especially since the guy they dated wouldn’t even change his t-shirt 22:03 Breakup #1 23:23 Amanda dates a writer… she should have seen what was coming 24:05 S**t hits the fan

This summer’s pop music has a lot to say about heterosexuality. It’s seen as a burden and an addiction—men are compared to children and cocaine. Haim is literally asking, over and over: “Why am I in this relationship?” It’s textbook heterofatalism when Sabrina Carpenter sings, “I swear they choose me, I'm not choosing them.” But some pop stars are actually escaping sad straight relationships—or else abandoning the romantic fairy tale. Cardi B is living a divorce revenge plot, Lorde is discovering a more expansive sense of her own gender post-breakup, and Summer Walker is trading love for “the last four of your credit card.” Since we can’t play all these songs for you, we’ve created playlists on Apple Music and Spotify to go with this episode. Make sure to join us on Substack, where we have bonus content, subscriber chats, and more. Dire Straights is a scrappy feminist operation. We don’t take any money from corporate music execs. Paid subscriptions keep us singing, and we love being in this relationship with you. In this episode… 01:25 Is it Single Girl Summer? Heterofatalist Summer? Neoliberal Feminist Summer? 04:08 Lorde's album cover is an X-ray of a pelvis with an IUD in it. A symbol of strength, refusal, and bodily defense? Or maybe it’s giving MAHA vibes! 11:32 Lorde sings about being “in the middle gender-­wise” and seems to be asking, “Who will love the ‘me’ that is stepping outside of heteronormativity?” 15:24 Cardi B teases her divorce album with a diss track about her ex (“Next time you see your mama, tell her how she raised a b***h”). 19:25 Amanda is (not) ready for her epic divorce era—and a football player boyfriend. 21:36 Subverting the single-girl breakup song. 22:49 Tracy makes Amanda watch Kesha’s “Boy Crazy” video because she loves it very, very much. 23:25 Amanda has thoughts about the MAGA-looking men in the video. 23:58 Kesha breastfeeds a grown man! 25:42 This is her Dr. Luke revenge era. 26:57 Tracy has regrets about being the privileged straight girl in gay clubs in her twenties. 29:02 Fletcher got her start as a lesbian icon. 30:52 But then she kissed a boy and she’s sorry about that! 35:10 Then she made some really bad merch about it. Also: is there some sort of bi-pessimism going on here? 41:00 Amanda is really annoying her kids by listening to Haim all the time. 44:21 To promote their album, I Quit, they recreated famous hetero paparazzi shots, like that Nicole Kidman post-divorce meme. 47:37 Why does “the Millennial divorce album” have no divorce in it? 50:27 Summer Walker is over the exploitation of love. “Buy back my love, you can keep your heart,” she sings. Also: “I’m trading a broken heart for a good life.” 51:55 Do yourself a favor and go watch Ciara’s “Like a Boy” music video from 2007. 01:01:00 We’re still not tired of talking about Sabrina’s “Man’s Best Friend” album art. Bonus reading: Tracy’s essay on the topic. 01:08:00 Amanda asks: Why do we treat pop music as “PR for some kind of moral womanhood”? 01:10:00 Sabrina is camp, yes. But what is she doing with “cuteness”? And does it actually help to highlight gender hierarchy and domination? 01:12:00 So what does this summer’s pop tell us about heterosexuality? We pull it all together. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe