Advertise on podcast: The Breakup Debrief Podcast

"Sorry babe for the late reply, I've just had a mad busy few weeks" -👻 If that message made your stomach drop, you're in the right place! For Halloween this year, Kelly has come dressed as the thing that scares you most: your ex! Beard drawn on, Alan's jumper, the lot. (If you can, watch the video version. It's worth it for the beard alone 😂) This week she's talking about ghosting. The haunters, the zombies and the slow fade. The stories she found online of people ghosted by long-term partners. Why it hurts so much & what to do when you never got an ending. You'll hear: ✨ The ghostly line-up: the ghost, the haunter, the zombie & the slow fader ✨ When ghosting is fine (a bit of chat online, even a first date) & when it really isn't ✨ Why a partner who shuts down in conflict but comes back isn't ghosting & why a partner who vanishes for days every time you argue is a pattern worth noticing ✨ The stories Kelly found online: the boyfriend who never showed up at the airport, the six-year engagement that ended with a vanishing act & the partner who'd been seeing someone else for months ✨ Why Kelly's first thought isn't "I've been ghosted", it's "are they alive?" 😂 ✨ Why ghosting can feel even worse than being cheated on & why your brain keeps filling the gaps with "what did I do?" ✨ Why people ghost ✨ The kind message Kelly sent to the guys she'd been chatting to when she started seeing Alan & why one honest line is worth sending ✨ Why it's their issue with conflict & has nothing to do with your worth ✨ A cameo from Ian, who lends his voice to the world's most reluctant ex while Kelly mimes 😂 ✨ What to do when you never got closure: why you'll probably never know why, why the fact that he did it is the story & the deadline you can give a partner who keeps going MIA ✨ What to do when the zombie rises from the dead with "hey, sorry, life's been busy" ✨ Why therapy or coaching can be worth it after being ghosted by someone long-term If you've got your own ghosting story, send it in. Kelly would love to do a follow-up episode (anonymous, of course) If a man is showing you who he is, listen to him. You are now free & happy Halloween 🎃 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses compulsive sexual behaviour, cheating, betrayal trauma & pornography. Please take care of yourself & if anything comes up, reach out for support. This week Kelly is joined by one of the UK's leading psychosexual & relationship psychotherapists- Silva Neves. Silva has been working in this field for 15 years, is an award-winning author & specialises in compulsive sexual behaviour, trauma & relationships. And he is going to say some things that might genuinely surprise you! Starting with: sex addiction isn't actually a clinical diagnosis You'll hear: ✨ Why "sex addiction" is not a clinically recognised diagnosis & what the research actually says ✨ The difference between sex addiction & compulsive sexual behaviour disorder and why it matters enormously for the person who was betrayed ✨ Why sexuality is classified as a primary drive (like hunger) & why that changes everything ✨ How compulsive sexual behaviour actually shows up and why it's about the relationship between urge & behaviour, not just frequency ✨ Why the "sex addiction" label is sometimes used to avoid accountability & Silva's take on the celebrities who have done exactly this ✨ What it actually means when a cheating partner says "it's not you, it's me & I don't know why" and when that answer is actually the truth ✨ The difference between a discovery that can be repaired & one that can't ✨ Why going to your friends for advice when you've been cheated on might not be serving you ✨ The porn conversation; values, secrecy & why the research on watching porn together vs. alone will surprise you ✨ What Silva means by "the relationship is ending" when betrayal happens & why that doesn't mean it's over ✨ Why the person who was cheated on owes their partner nothing in the repair process ✨ Wandering eyes- Silva the sexologist's take 👀 ✨ The one thing that actually determines whether a relationship can survive betrayal Whether you've been cheated on, are questioning a relationship or are just genuinely curious about this topic- this conversation will give you a lot to think about 💚 Find Silva: 🌐 silvaneves.co.uk 📚 Author of Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Quick note: due to a technical hiccup (no Wi-Fi 😂) the video is only available for the first few minutes of this episode. The audio is perfect throughout so you're not missing a thing- just Kelly & her thoughts, no visuals required. Sorry about that! A listener reached out after the microcheating episode asking about something that had been missing from the conversation: wandering eyes, social media likes & who your partner follows online. You ask, Kelly delivers! This week she's getting into all of it: where the line actually is, when it's a character issue versus a boundary conversation & what to do if it's making you uncomfortable. You'll hear: ✨ Why noticing someone is attractive is completely normal & the big difference between that and openly leering or staring ✨ Yes, Theo James is objectively attractive & no, that doesn't make Kelly any less committed to her boyfriend 😂 ✨ Why wandering eyes that make you feel invisible say more about someone's character than their boundaries ✨ The social media conversation and why there is a big difference between liking a September dump & liking a lingerie pic ✨ Why you can see both sides without having to pick one; it comes down to your standards & what you're comfortable with ✨ Why checking his follows obsessively is usually a symptom of something bigger going on in the relationship ✨ How to actually have the conversation; timing, language, being specific & not over-explaining yourself ✨ Why you don't need him to agree that it's wrong- you just need him to hear that it makes you uncomfortable ✨ Why you cannot force someone to respect a boundary- you can only decide what happens if they don't ✨ If someone is consistently making you feel invisible or like you're competing with other women- that's not something you have to put up with You deserve to feel seen. You deserve to feel chosen. You deserve to feel like you are their person 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

A short one this week. A snappy one. A tough love bestie one. Kelly was chatting to a client recently who is dating someone she describes as amazing. Incredible, actually. Smart, kind, successful, the works. & instead of being excited about it, she was terrified. Because she was convinced he was out of her league. So Kelly has some things to say about that. You'll hear: ✨ Why meeting someone amazing should feel exciting,not like a threat ✨ The difference between putting someone on a pedestal & genuinely feeling like you can't measure up ✨ Why that feeling of inadequacy almost always comes back to the same thing- self-worth ✨ The counterproductive cycle of people-pleasing & shrinking yourself from the very beginning & why it sets you up for exactly what you're trying to avoid ✨ Why only egotistical arseholes & narcissists actually want a partner who worships them 😂 ✨ The sheet of paper exercise & why you'd call the person on it amazing until someone tells you it's you ✨ The most important question in dating & it's not "does he like me?" ✨ Why you can feel lucky & know you deserve it at the same time, both can coexist ✨ "If he's with you, he's choosing to be with you, so why do you think he's amazing but he can't make his own decisions?" ✨ Absa-f**king-lutely. Do I love myself? Yes. Do I think my partner is lucky to have me? Yes. Do I know I'm lucky to have him? Also yes. That's the goal 💚 He's amazing. And so are you. Get a grip ❤️‍🔥 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

This week Kelly is joined by a very special guest- Thilinie, a past client of the Breakup Empowerment Programme, who has very generously agreed to come on & share her story. Six months ago, Thilinie was navigating one of the hardest periods of her life. She had lost her dad in January. Her "situationship" of almost two years ended over the phone on St. Patrick's Day with no explanation. She moved into a brand new house alone, an hour away from everyone she knew, in an area she had never lived in before, knowing nobody except her ex. And she was meant to be exchanging on that house the very next day. Today? She calls it her Barbie dream house ❤️‍🔥 You'll hear: ✨ Thilinie's full story; loss, a situationship ending, moving alone & starting completely from scratch ✨ What she was hoping coaching would give her & what it actually gave her that she didn't expect ✨ The limiting belief she had carried since childhood that she didn't even know was a limiting belief until they worked on it together ✨ How she went from T, the version of herself that threw everything into relationships & lost who she was- to Thilinie ❤️‍🔥 ✨ The anxious preoccupied attachment style she thought she already understood & what actually helped her change it ✨ Why knowing your attachment style isn't enough & what the missing piece actually is ✨ What her non-negotiables list looked like when she started & how Kelly very kindly told her that most of them were actually just bare minimum 😂 ✨ How dating feels completely different now & the very telling detail that she no longer scrolls back through old messages looking for validation ✨ Four coats of paint, a wardrobe room & a painter she is dating who was absolutely not allowed to touch a single wall 😂 ✨ Why time does not heal & what actually does ✨ Her advice for anyone who is thinking about getting support but is not sure if it is for them This one is for the girl who is in the thick of it & cannot see the other side yet. Thilinie can see it & she is sending you love from her Barbie dream house 🩷 Links and Resources 📧 Share your story for the Where Is She Now segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram and TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links and resources: Linktree

Yes, Kelly is a Breakup Empowerment Coach & no, she is not automatically against you getting back with your ex. This week she's saying what she actually thinks & it might surprise you. Two clients recently told her they'd gotten back with their ex. She was happy for both of them. Here's why- & here's what needs to be true for it to be a good decision. You'll hear: ✨ Why Kelly is not against getting back with your ex & what actually determines whether it's the right call ✨ The two clients who got back with their exes & why Kelly responded the way she did ✨ Why hoping you'll reconcile is a completely normal part of a breakup & when that hope eventually goes away ✨ The wrong reasons to go back: loneliness, fear, scarcity, ego, obligation. None of these are reasons ✨ The right reasons to go back & what making that decision from a place of security actually looks like ✨ Why you need to be okay on your own before you can go back & how you know you're there ✨ What needs to be different this time- the non-negotiables, the changes, the work ✨ Why the people in your life who are against it deserve to be heard- when to listen to them & when to make your own decision ✨ The "keep going back until you hate him" trend & why Kelly can't get behind it ✨ Disney is Disney. Real life is real life... &they are not the same thing 😂 Whatever you decide, Kelly is rooting for your happy ever after. Whether that's with him, with someone new or just with yourself💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

This week Kelly is getting personal- & practical! No frameworks, no science, no guest. Just Kelly, her matcha & an honest run through of the actual things that helped her get over her breakups & her exes. The real ones. The ones she still swears by. Some of them are basic. Most of them are basic. And that's kind of the point because the basics work! And when you're in the middle of heartbreak, sometimes you just need someone to remind you of that. You'll hear: ✨ Why no contact is still the single most important thing you can do & how Kelly implemented it even when it was killing her not to reach out ✨ The dinner photo she almost sent him & why you will always find the most ridiculous excuses to reach out ✨ Muting all his friends on Instagram & the one she didn't mute, which later came back to bite her in a very spectacular fashion ✨ Why a daily walk was her non-negotiable & how it helped her in ways she didn't even realise at the time ✨ The therapy she was already in & why going to therapy before a crisis hits is one of the smartest things you can do ✨ Leaning on her people; who she called, who she spent time with & why good company is genuinely one of the best medicines ✨ Getting out of the house & not sitting with it alone all day ✨ Why she didn't go on the apps straight away & what the apps actually give you vs. what they don't ✨ Making a new vision board & why shifting your focus back to yourself is everything ✨ Not going through old photos and messages; why it's a form of self-torture & what to do instead ✨ Journaling & why having a safe space for your thoughts matters more than you think ✨ Finding & spending time in her happy place and a challenge for you to find yours ✨ Testing out the Breakup Empowerment Program on herself during her second breakup & the tweaks she made as a result Some of these will resonate. Some won't. Take what works, leave what doesn't and if you have something that helped you that's not on this list, Kelly wants to know. Drop it in the comments or send a DM. We're not gatekeeping healing tips in here 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

She thought she was the strong one. The one holding the relationship together. The one who had it all under control.And then a relationship counsellor looked her in the eye & said- you're the codependent one 🤯This week Kelly is getting personal again. She shares the moment she was introduced to the word codependency & the journey from confusion and offence to complete understanding of how it had quietly shaped her entire marriage.You'll hear:✨ The relationship counsellor session that changed everything & Kelly's very relatable reaction to being told she was the codependent one✨ What codependency actually is & why it can be so easy to mistake it for love, devotion or just being a good partner✨ The difference between anxious attachment & codependency and why one is usually the root of the other✨ Why doing everything, managing everything & holding everything together is not strength, it's a sign✨ What it actually feels like to be the one always giving & never having your own needs fully met✨ The practical steps to start breaking codependent patterns, even if right now you can only notice them & not change them yet✨ How Kelly knows she did the work & what her life looks like now compared to a few years ago (Grey's Anatomy, pyjamas, face mask, no men changing the channel to golf 😂)✨ Why the relationship she has now is so much better because both people have their own identityWhether you're in a relationship, coming out of one, or just trying to understand your own patterns a little better, this episode is for you 💚Links & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

If you've been doing the healing work & you're starting to think about what comes next, this episode is your sign!This week Kelly sits down with Mairéad Loughman, Ireland's leading professional matchmaker & founder of Love HQ, who has helped close to 12,000 people find love since 2016. Mairéad brings the warmth, the wisdom, the straight talk — and the occasional absolutely hilarious reality check that you didn't know you needed ❤️‍🔥Whether you're freshly out of a breakup, have been single for longer than you'd like, or are just dipping your toe back into the dating world- this conversation is for you.You'll hear:✨ How matchmaking actually works in Ireland & why Mairéad thinks it's the country's best kept secret✨ Cuffing season is real & Mairéad's insider tip on exactly when to ramp up your dating game✨ Why so many women find themselves barely dating in their late thirties & the one pattern Mairéad sees almost every single time✨ How to know when you're actually ready to start dating again after a breakup✨ Masculine & feminine energy in dating, what it actually means, why it matters, & Kelly's very relatable story about a first date that went badly wrong✨ Why you should get your photos taken now while the sun is still out 😂✨ The ick- when to listen to it & when to absolutely ignore it✨ Why you need to stop talking to your friends about your relationship & who to talk to instead✨ Your standards aren't too high. His behaviour is too low ❤️‍🔥✨ How to communicate your standards early without being a "nag" & the two types of men you'll meet when you do✨ Why the most important decision you will ever make is who you choose to have children with✨ Some of the best days of your life are yet to happen ❤️‍🔥Find Mairéad:🌐 lovehq.ie📲 Instagram & TikTok: @lovehq.ie🎙️ Podcasts: Would Like to Meet & Tough Love with Stephanie ReganLinks & Resources📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected]📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

You've done some healing. Time has passed. And now you're starting to think about the future, about maybe meeting someone again, opening up, falling in love. & then that thought arrives. What if it doesn't work out either? What if you go through all of that again, the trust, the vulnerability, the plans, the investment & you end up right back here, heartbroken all over again? This week Kelly is talking about that fear. The one that doesn't get spoken about enough. The one she cried about in a women's circle a few months after her own breakup. & the one she knows thousands of people are carrying too. You'll hear: ✨ The memory that prompted this episode, Kelly opening up in a women's circle about her fear of putting herself out there again & the girl across the circle who said she felt it too ✨ Why this fear makes complete, primitive, neurological sense & the iron plate analogy that explains it perfectly ✨ The difference between staying single because you genuinely want to and staying single because you're scared- & why only one of those is okay ✨ Why the goal is not to stop the fear, it's to feel it & do it anyway ✨ The one thing that will actually help you overcome it & it has nothing to do with finding the right person ✨ Why Kelly's second breakup was worse than her divorce, but why she recovered from it faster ✨ The foundation concept- what it is, how to build it & why it means that if things go wrong again, you won't be starting from zero ✨ The role of vulnerability in new relationships & how Kelly had to consciously push herself to be open again after her marriage ended ✨ Why love is still worth it- even knowing the risk Some things are worth the fear. Love is one of them 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

Why did I stay so long? Why did I let it go that far? I should have seen it sooner. I should have left sooner. If you've ever said any of those things to yourself, this episode is for you. This week, prompted by a listener question, Kelly is tackling one of the most common things that comes up with her clients, the shame of staying. Why we do it, why it makes complete sense, & why you need to stop kicking yourself for it right now. You'll hear: ✨ Why staying in a relationship you know isn't right for you doesn't make you weak or stupid, it makes you human ✨ Why you can see your friend's situation clearly but can't see your own & the emotional investment that explains it ✨ The real reasons women stay; anxious attachment, low self-worth, sunk cost, biological clock, fear of being alone & the one that catches almost everyone: potential ✨ Why being a fixer & seeing potential in someone is one of the most common reasons women stay far longer than they should ✨ The difference between a hard relationship worth working on & one where you're the only one doing the work ✨ The compassion tool; how to treat yourself the way you'd treat your best friend if she came to you with this exact story ✨ What to do if you have a friend who you can see should leave & why telling her to leave is probably making things worse ✨ How to actually help her instead You loved him. What else were you supposed to do? Stop carrying the shame of staying. You're out now & that's all that matters 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses drug use, lies & betrayal in relationships. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please take care of yourself first. A first for The Breakup Debrief & a deeply personal one. This week Kelly is talking about something that shaped a huge part of her own relationships & marriage, and something that has come up recently with a client- drug use, lying & the very specific kind of betrayal that comes when a partner hides a habit they know you don't want in your relationship. No judgment here for anyone who uses drugs. This episode is not about that. This is about the lying. The hiding. The gaslighting. And the way being made to feel like the controlling one can make you question your own completely reasonable boundaries. You'll hear: ✨ Kelly's own experience with drug use & lying in her ten-year relationship &marriage- and how it became less about the weed & more about the betrayal ✨ How an entire friend group was recruited to keep a secret & how the situation was framed to make Kelly look controlling rather than lied to ✨ The moment that changed everything & led to couples counselling before the wedding ✨ Why "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you" is not protection, it's manipulation ✨ How hiding something until feelings are involved & it's harder to leave is also a form of manipulation- even when it's not conscious ✨ Why your boundaries around drug use are completely valid & you don't have to justify them to anyone ✨ The difference between the drugs & the lying and why you're entitled to treat them as two completely separate issues ✨ The murder analogy that will make complete sense when you hear it 😂 ✨ Why if your partner doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs, that is their decision to make- full stop Your values don't have to match exactly. But they do need to align. And you never have to change yours just because someone else thinks you should 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

You might hate Kelly a little during this episode, she's prepared for that, but she needs you to hear her out. This week Kelly is talking about the grudge. The anger you're still carrying. The flash of rage when someone mentions his name. The replaying, the revisiting, the weight of it all. And the uncomfortable truth, he's not lying awake at night thinking about how angry you are. He's just living his life & the only person carrying all of that weight is you. You'll hear: ✨ Why holding a grudge feels like you're doing something but is actually only draining you ✨ The real reason we hold onto anger after a breakup & why it makes sense ✨ Why the grudge can feel like justice, like significance, like not letting him away with it but why none of that is actually going where you think it is ✨ The big word that makes everyone uncomfortable- "forgiveness" and what Kelly actually means by it ✨ Why forgiving him does not mean what he did was okay, that he deserves it or that he gets access to you again ✨ His access to you and your forgiveness are two completely different things & they don't need to touch each other ✨ Kelly's own experience letting go of the anger towards her ex-husband & the person in her life who couldn't understand it ✨ Why forgiveness is one of the final stages of healing, not something to rush to or skip ahead to ✨ What to do if you're still neck-deep in the anger & why that's completely okay too He's not losing sleep over your grudge but you might be & you deserve that energy back💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

If you're new here- welcome! Pull up a chair, grab your matcha & let Kelly tell you everything 🤭 & if you've been here since the beginning, you might still want to listen to this one. Because over a year in, with new listeners joining every week, Kelly is doing a reintroduction. Her story, her why & everything that led her to sitting behind this microphone every Monday. This episode covers it all the ten-year relationship that started at sixteen, the six-month marriage, the wedding night she spent alone in the smoking area in her wedding dress, the relationship that came after & the work she had to do on herself before she finally found what she'd always been looking for. You'll hear: ✨ Why Kelly started The Breakup Debrief & where the name actually came from ✨ The ten-year relationship that started at sixteen, growing up together & breaking up ✨ The wedding that almost didn't happen because of COVID & the wedding night that told her everything she needed to know ✨ The moment she knew the marriage was over & how she found the courage to leave ✨ The relationship that came after- what she thought was healing & what it actually was ✨ The work she did on herself in between- therapy, coaching & getting to know who she actually was outside of a relationship ✨ Her current relationship; how it feels different, what it has that the others didn't & why she finally believes she deserves it ✨ The message she wants every listener to hear who is currently in the thick of it- whether you're heartbroken, healing, single, or somewhere in between ✨ Your Alan is coming. She met hers on Tinder. There is hope! 💚 Whether you're showing up today feeling great or feeling a bit sh*t, this is a safe space for all of it & Kelly is so glad you're here Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree

Sometimes you're in a relationship & you know there are a lot of lies- you're wading through them, trying to make sense of them, trying to recover from them. And sometimes you go through a breakup & you didn't even realise how many lies there were until time passes, things unravel & you find yourself looking back at a relationship wondering what was actually real. Both scenarios add a very specific, very painful layer to a breakup. And this week, Kelly is talking about it. You'll hear: ✨ Why being lied to in a relationship is a whole different kind of grief because you're also grieving the reality you thought you had ✨ The self-blame spiral that comes with being lied to & why the finger needs to be pointed firmly at the liar, not at you ✨ The difference between big lies & the small, consistent, purposeless lies and why both do damage ✨ Gaslighting- how it goes hand in hand with lying & why it's so hard to recover from ✨ Why "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you" is actually just someone avoiding the consequences of their own actions ✨ Why lying is a form of control &why the person being lied to is never the one in the wrong ✨ The shame & embarrassment of being lied to and why that shame belongs to the liar, not to you ✨ How to rebuild trust in yourself before worrying about trusting anyone else ✨ Why going into new relationships with your eyes open is not the same as going in with your walls up ✨ Trust is built through trustworthy actions & what that actually looks like in practice The shame is not yours to carry. The embarrassment is not yours to carry. If you saw the best in him & chose to trust him- that says everything good about you and everything bad about him 💚 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree