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KIPLING CAN GET TO F**K Second win at the Bridge in 36 years. Lovely football, a clean sheet and Gary Neville telling the world to worry about us. We’re not treating triumph and disaster the same today, Rudyard. FERNANDES & CO. Fernandes masterful, Tonali commanding, Archie everywhere, Tel scoring, Robertson becoming almost likeable. Eight goals in eight games, though. January, please bring us a striker. GIFTED WASTERS Ndombele and Ravel Morrison. Proof that talent and common sense don’t always travel together. ROOM 101 M&S doormen, useless supercomputers, and Man City’s apologists reach new heights of absurdity. PALACE NEXT Same XI or more De Zerbi tinkering? We’ve finally got momentum. Let’s try not to do anything Spursy. With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Rob White COYS THFC

WE WON! Spurs finally win a game. And we did it with all the fluency of a wardrobe being pushed upstairs. BREAK OUT THE BUNTING Maddison’s back, Marmoush scores, Kulu returns after 500-plus days. TACTICAL MASTERCLASS? A back five nobody understood, Van Hecke looking like an accident waiting to happen, Tosin impressing and Ben Davies making a case for No. 1 left-back. FERNANDES MYSTERY Has he nicked RDZ’s parking space? Taken the last custard cream? SPURS, THE MONEY AND THE MISERY City’s alleged financial shenanigans: £119.9m in potential damage to Spurs. ROOM 101 Air conditioning in freezing cafés. Dion Dublin’s laugh. Goalkeepers who put both hands up at corners. CHELSEA. SATURDAY. 5.30. Is there any point? Any reason to hope? COYS THFC TTID Tottenham Spurs

RDZ-BALL! Dominant, classy, organised. Are we actually becoming a football team? SOLANKE: CONFIDENCE, LOCATED? Two misses, one good goal. Good times around the corner? GALLAGHER! YES, GALLAGHER! Plus Sávio, Kudus, Archie and the magnificent Udogie. BENTANCUR’S BIG BONE-HEADED MOMENT Schadenfreude bites Maguire on the arse. ROOM 101 & THE COVENTRY CARNAGE Things we hate, things we want banished — and the small matter of Coventry. What could possibly go wrong? YOUR DISTINGUISHED PANEL With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Suzie Barnacle. THFC COYS!

INTERMINABLE INTERNATIONAL BREAK Some Spurs successes, but more injuries. Whoda thought? THE NEXT BIG THING The desperate ITKs have been rummaging around Germany and Brazil for players you’ve never heard of. MANCHESTER CITY: THE BILL Nearly a billion quid of alleged cheating, four Spurs Champions League places lost and a huge question about what we do next. THE PATHWAY FOR YOUTH Jamie Donley says there isn’t one. MORE VINAI B******T We’ve heard it all before. ARSENAL PLAYERS WE CAN TOLERATE Pat Jennings. Anyone else? ROOM 101 Real issues for real Spurs fans With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Dave Bradshaw COYS THFC Spurs Tottenham Hotspur

FOUR-P & KULU One’s out for a month. One might be back. Possibly. Maybe. Could be. Spurs medical updates: now available in horoscope form. ARE WE STILL SCARRED? Andy Robertson thinks so. We’ve got ten new players and got rid of 44, though, so presumably there’s more going on than collective football PTSD. LANKSHEAR & MIKEY Goals for the kids, more evidence that Lankshear’s departure looks increasingly odd — and that Mikey Moore might be preferable to Tel and Mudryk. ARCHIBALD AT 70 Steve Archibald is seventy. Julie looks back at a Spurs legend. ROB WHITE AT THE HALL OF FAME Rob was there representing his dad. We get the inside look. SPURS PLAYERS WE’D FORGOTTEN Pienaar. Routledge. Konchesky. Yedlin. Pletikosa. And, somehow, Kulusevski. CATS OR DOGS? Robertson’s a dog. Kinsky, Udogie and Xavi are cats. We have absolutely no scientific evidence for any of this. THE OPTA APOCALYPSE 18th. Forty-three points. Apparently the supercomputer has been drinking. With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Rob White & Kev Acott

ROCK BOTTOM - we started there alphabetically, now we’ve earned it. LIVERPOOL - more shots, more possession, more chances. Guess what. VILLA - well at least we broke our duck in a lost cause, but that’s 48 games without winning after conceding first. We’re allergic to setbacks. WHERE ARE THE GOALS? - Dom has disappeared. Will January be too late? RDZ - fragile team, criticism of individuals. What could possibly go wrong? 101 & OTHER NONSENSE Spurs Twitter loses its mind, Robertson gets threatened with violence, Kulusevski is somehow “back” again, and someone finds a good-looking man in a twatty shop. INTERNATIONAL BREAK - who isn't coming back injured? With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Barry Graham COYS THFC

No goals. Again. But hey, we didn’t concede. Paul Merson called Everton our cup final - we'll take a cup final in September, right? Tonali silky? More woolly. Injuries. Natch. Even PPPP is crocked. Thirty-minute Spurs. RDZ says that’s all we’ve currently got in the tank. Savio vs his teammates. Plus RDZ having a public pop at Tel. Team spirit is clearly thriving. RDZ OUT? Tactics outdated? Predictable? Blames everyone else. Or… maybe give him five minutes before we sack him. Richy stays. For now. Bergvall gets a new contract. Liverpool await. Villa - will they turn up as 1970 Brazil? ROOM 101 And - can 34 more 0–0s keep us up? With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie Barnacle COYS THFC

60% possession, eleven shots, not a single one on target. We’ve brought in ten players but still lack a guy who can stick it in the onion bag. Mudryk isn’t ready. Tonali isn’t ready. Solanke isn’t ready. Udogie isn’t ready. Nobody’s ready. Except Richy, who's ready to catch a plane to Saudi Arabia. We pick through the latest Spurs nonsense, ponder the new arrivals, lamengt the ones we've lost, and ask whether this is a tactical masterplan or just another elaborate way of making supporting Spurs unnecessarily difficult. Plus Room 101, VAR, missed chances, medical advice and 'bunker mentality'. With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Dave Bradshaw COYS THFC

A routine win. Yes, really, even if it was against the Charlton youth team. Sávio played twenty brilliant minutes, scored, and immediately crocked himself. Mikey scored a banger and earned a loan to Köln. Then...Newcastle . Archie at right-back, PPP on the wing. We looked all right until we conceded. Plus ca change. RDZ says the mentality and environment have to change. Transfers & Space Travel Mathys Tel took a free-kick that's still orbiting the Sun. Meanwhile, Richarlison, who loves Everton, doesn't want to join...Everton. Big Kev Danso leaving hurts. Enter Tosin. And Mudryk. Julie is here to pay a proper tribute to the great Cyril Knowles on the 35th anniversary of his passing. Plus stupid tweets and Room 101. With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie Barnacle. COYS THFC Spurs

The more things change... Roberto De Zerbi claims we’re not a team yet and weren't ready. But why? The jetlag from the Australasian tour? The endless injury list? A deeper malaise? Meanwhile, we’ve handed him millions to shape his team. What if he flounces out in October? The next bloke will inherit yet another mismatched Frankenstein squad. We deep-dive the Brentford debacle and look at incomings and outgoings. Joining world-weary host Simon Lipson are: Julie Welch, effing and blindingKev Acott, delusionally believingLee Brown, hypocritically calling out the bedwetters Plus: Villa fans' 24 hour Schadenfreude, why blaming Michael Oliver is idiotic, a fond farewell to "Flappy", and a look ahead to Charlton and Newcastle. And, of course, some juicy Room 101s. #COYS #THFC

This week, Simon leads the therapy session alongside Julie Welch (is your phone off, Julie?), Kev Acott (rapidly approaching a monumental 'I don't know' milestone), and token Scot, Barry Graham. We break down: Hoffenheim Double-Header: 10 senior players missing, Mikey Moore running riot, and looking for clues ahead of BrentfordThe Cuti Exit: 6 red cards, 65% appearance rate, and a farewell to Spurs’s most infuriating lunatic.Transfer Madness: The Savinho saga enters decade three, continued Gakpo links, and Flappy fliesClassy Touches: De Zerbi’s ex-players lunch and eclipse glasses for Pedro's teeth. Plus - Room 101 and a Barry bombshell like no other. Podcast history. No xG. No tactics boards. Just pure Spurs therapy. #COYS #THFC

A Spurs XI draws with Getafe, another barely scrapes past our own U21s, and Maddison, Udogie and Solanke are nowhere to be seen. Join Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott, and resident pessimist Chris Askham as they process the N17 pre-season panic. On this episode's menu: Creative Block: Our entire creative department is on the physio's couch.The Forward Search: £250m spent, £100m recouped, but why are we still flinging darts at the board for strikers?The Rumour Mill: Djed Spence's agents running wild, Cuti Romero's questionable links, and the endless Savinho saga.De Zerbi's Delusions: Does Dom Solanke need a confidence boost or just fully functioning ankles?CGI or Fitness? Analyzing Kulusevski and Kudus's "relative" sprinting in training.Plus, the panel tosses their ultimate Spurs annoyances into Room 101 and tries to sort truth from horse shit in Fact or Fiction. COYS THFC

What started with a casual declaration of a "BOMBA!" in the transfer market turned into 48 hours of flight-tracking madness on Spurs Twitter—only for RDZ to walk it back as a simple Italian translation mix-up! We tear into the ITKs who lost their minds over zero actual news. Then, we unpack the action on the pitch from our Australian pre-season tour, breaking down the tough slog against Sydney FC and that high-intensity clash with Chelsea. Plus, we review the transfer rumor mill: Incomings: Are bids for Osimhen, Gakpo, or Ollie Watkins actually grounded in reality?Outgoings: Is Mason Melia heading out on loan, and what's the deal with Mikey Moore? (Don’t panic... but is it time to admit he might be a touch over-hyped?)Finally, we settle a crucial debate: "Educated Left Feet" vs. "Wands". All that before packing off modern football's worst offenses straight into Room 101. With Simon Lipson, Kev Acott, Rob White & Julie Welch COYS THFC TTID

New Zealand offered Spurs horizontal freezing rain and a bunch of dustbins to beat. Onwards! Australia beckons. This week, Simon Lipson is joined by Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw. We dive into: The Auckland Freeze: Why have we sent a huge squad 11,000 miles to play pointless games? Could there possibly be a financial motive? The Left-Behind Club: Kudus, Kulu, Benta, Sarr. Next season's midfield or will they some/all be off?Pre-Season Overreaction: From branding a 17-year-old "the next Dembele" after a couple of mazy runs, to writing off new signings before their jet lag clears.Transfer Window Slow-Mo: Kroupi? Savinho? Still? And is Dorrington off to a place that doesn't exist? Plus Room 101 and our worst Spurs nightmares. #COYS #THFC

Lucas Bergvall wants out, De Zerbi is flogging off the academy like Delboy, and Spurs Twitter has officially lost its collective mind. Fresh back from France, Simon Lipson leads today's therapy session alongside Fleet Street royalty Julie Welch (bringing love, joy, and industrial-strength profanity) and Cyril newbie Suzie Barnacle. On the agenda: Bergvall's imminent departure, Thompson & Lankshear off, Savinho & Kroupi riumbling on, why our players suddenly look world-class at the World Cup, and a deep dive into which players would 'suit RDZ's style of play'. Plus, a fresh round of Room 101! COYS THFC.