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How do you talk to your children about sexual betrayal, infidelity, or sex addiction? What should you tell them, how much information is appropriate, and how can you protect their emotional well-being while being honest about what is happening in the family? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT continue Part 3 of their conversation with  about healthy, developmentally appropriate disclosure to children after sexual betrayal. Children often sense tension, conflict, and changes in their family long before they understand what is happening. Without clear, age-appropriate information, they may create their own explanations—sometimes believing they are at fault, that a parent will leave, or that their family is no longer safe. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Strange explore how parents can communicate honestly without overwhelming children with adult details, placing them in the middle of parental conflict, or asking them to carry the weight of a parent's recovery. In This Episode Forced disclosure: What to do when an arrest, news story, social media, or a child's discovery makes disclosure urgent. Delayed disclosure: When a temporary delay may be appropriate and why children's needs—not parental discomfort—must guide the decision. Age-appropriate honesty: How to tailor information to a child's developmental stage, emotional maturity, and understanding. Protecting children from triangulation: Why children should not be placed in the position of choosing sides or carrying different versions of the truth. Talking with younger children: Addressing fears about abandonment, safety, love, and whether they caused the problem. Talking with preteens and teenagers: Responding to questions about sexuality, addiction, family changes, fairness, and the impact of betrayal. Adult children and family betrayal: Recognizing how sexual betrayal can affect the entire family system, including adult children, spouses, and grandchildren. Supporting children's emotional healing: Validating what children have sensed and experienced while helping them learn to trust themselves. What Children Need to Hear Children at different developmental stages have different questions and concerns. Preschoolers (approximately ages 3–5) may wonder whether a parent will leave, whether someone will die, whether they are in trouble, or whether they are still loved. Early elementary children may blame themselves, fear that something bad will happen, or wonder whether they can still depend on their parents. Upper elementary children and preteens may begin asking questions about sexuality, addiction, inherited risk, divorce, and what their own future relationships might look like. Teenagers and adult children may ask more direct questions about accountability, fairness, the impact on the family, and how a parent could have made these choices. These are general developmental considerations, not rigid rules. Every child is different, and conversations should be guided by the child's individual needs and capacity. A Trauma-Informed Approach to Family Disclosure Honesty does not require sharing every detail. Healthy disclosure means giving children truthful, understandable information while protecting them from unnecessary adult information and emotional burdens. MaryAnn and Dr. Strange discuss the importance of consistent messaging, reassurance, accountability, and seeking specialized therapeutic support when the impact on older children or the wider family system is significant. Children deserve to have their experiences acknowledged. They need opportunities to ask questions, express their feelings, and receive validation without being expected to manage their parents' emotions or recovery. Resources Mentioned Mending a Shattered Heart — Stephanie S. Carnes A qualified therapist experienced in sexual betrayal, family disclosure, and betrayal trauma Human Intimacy: https://humanintimacy.com About Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Hosted by MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, Rise offers trauma-informed conversations for people navigating sexual betrayal, grief, recovery, and healing. Our goal is to help survivors and families find hope, understanding, and support so they do not have to walk alone. If this episode helps you, please share it with someone who may benefit from this conversation. Visit https://humanintimacy.com for educational resources and companion courses.

What Do I Tell My Kids? Preparing for Disclosure of a Parent’s Addiction and Betrayal (Part 2) How do you talk to your children about a parent's addiction and betrayal? How do you prepare for difficult questions while protecting your children's emotional well-being? In Part 2 of this three-part series, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT,  continue their conversation about disclosing a parent's addiction, sexual betrayal, and problematic sexual behavior to children. Drawing on Dr. Stefanie Carnes' chapter in the book Mending a Shattered Heart, they explore how parents can prepare for disclosure, take accountability, validate children's experiences, and support the family through recovery. Disclosure is not a one-time conversation. Children may have questions immediately or return to the subject years later as their understanding develops. This episode offers practical considerations for approaching these conversations with honesty, compassion, and an awareness of each child's developmental needs. Preparing for Disclosure of Addiction and Betrayal Why Disclosure Is an Ongoing Process Learn why parents need to leave the door open for questions and continued conversations as children grow. Put Children's Needs First Consider what children need to know, what information is appropriate to share, and how to prioritize their emotional safety over a parent's shame or discomfort. Plan the Conversation Together Explore the importance of planning what to share, choosing an appropriate time and place, and tailoring disclosure to each child's age and developmental stage. Talking to Children About Addiction and Sexual Betrayal Take Accountability Without Blame or Excuses Learn how parents can acknowledge their choices, explain how their behavior affected their children, and model honest, accountable communication. Anticipate Children's Questions Prepare for difficult questions and consider how to respond without minimizing, shifting blame, or overwhelming children with adult details. Validate Children's Experiences Understand how children may interpret changes in a parent's availability, mood, or behavior—and how age-appropriate honesty can help them avoid internalizing blame. Protecting Children During Recovery Maintain Healthy Parent-Child Boundaries Children should not become their parents' confidants or emotional caretakers. Explore the importance of parental emotional regulation and healthy boundaries. Explain the Recovery Plan Learn how parents can explain appropriate changes children may notice, including therapy, recovery meetings, and new coping skills. Prevent Triangulation Understand why children should not be placed in the middle of parental conflict, used as messengers, or made to feel they must choose between parents. Helping Children Find Hope Support Stability and Family Connection Explore the importance of positive family experiences and meaningful connection alongside the difficult work of healing. Model Healthy Intimacy and Coping Skills Learn how parents can introduce healthier ways of communicating, managing emotions, and discussing sexuality and intimacy. Offer Hope Whether Parents Stay Together or Separate Discover how honest communication, accountability, and a plan for moving forward can help children feel supported through uncertainty. About the Series MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, discuss how parents can approach disclosure of addiction and betrayal to children while prioritizing children's needs, emotional safety, and long-term well-being. Part 2 of 3. Resource discussed: Mending a Shattered Heart by Dr. Stefanie Carnes. This episode is for educational purposes and does not replace individualized professional guidance when planning a disclosure involving children.

What Do I Tell My Kids? Talking to Children About a Parent’s Addiction and Betrayal How do you talk to your children when a parent's addiction and subsequent betrayal is affecting your family? What if they already sense something is wrong? And how can you be honest without burdening them with adult information? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis welcomes Dr. Karen Strange to explore how addiction and betrayal affects the entire family system and how parents can approach difficult conversations with their children. Children may notice tension between their parents, emotional withdrawal, arguments, or changes in family dynamics. Even when adults don't explain what's happening, children may be trying to make sense of what they see and feel. In This Episode Why Children Sense Something Is Wrong Children often notice emotional tension and disconnection even when they don't understand the cause. We discuss the importance of validating children's perceptions rather than pretending everything is fine. Shame, Secrets, and Family Communication What happens when children learn that difficult topics cannot be discussed? We explore how shame and secrecy can influence children's beliefs about family problems, sexuality, and asking questions. Privacy vs. Secrecy Children deserve honesty and emotional safety, but they don't need every detail of a parent's addiction or behavior. Learn why healthy privacy matters and how parents can maintain appropriate boundaries. Talking About Addiction in an Age-Appropriate Way We discuss how parents can acknowledge difficult emotions and family struggles without involving children in adult conflict or making them responsible for a parent's well-being. How Addiction Can Affect Children Family distress may show up in children's behavior at home or school. We explore why understanding the family context matters without assuming that every behavioral change is caused by addiction. What Do Children Need From Their Parents? Children don't need every detail to deserve honesty. They need opportunities to ask questions, have their experiences acknowledged, and receive information appropriate to their developmental needs. This episode introduces a series on talking to children about a parent's addiction and betrayal, and its impact on the family, including future discussions about what children need to know at different ages. Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT Guest: Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT The conversation draws on clinical experience and concepts from Mending a Shattered Heart, edited by Stefanie Carnes. Listen for compassionate, practical perspectives on parenting through addiction, family communication, shame, secrecy, and healing. Follow Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal for more conversations about betrayal trauma, recovery, boundaries, and family healing.

Is He Really in Recovery? How to Know If Your Partner Is Truly Changing After Sexual Betrayal with Darrell Brazell, PSAP How do you know if your partner is truly recovering after sexual betrayal—or simply saying the right things? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, talks with Pastor Darrell Brazell, PSAP, about what real recovery looks like after pornography addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, affairs, and sexual betrayal. For betrayed partners, the question is often: “How do I know he's really changing?” Darrell shares why the answer isn't found in promises or apologies alone. Real recovery is demonstrated through consistent new behaviors over time—including accountability, connection, vulnerability, honesty, empathy, and a willingness to keep doing the work after the immediate crisis has passed. In This Episode • What should a betrayed partner look for in recovery? • Believe the behavior—not just the words • Why short-term change after discovery isn't enough • Treating recovery like a “cold” vs. treating it like “cancer” • Choice, compulsive behavior, and the road leading up to relapse • Why recovery begins long before the moment of acting out • Building structures that support lasting recovery • Compulsive sexuality vs. entitled sexuality • What entitlement can look like in everyday life • The “addictive fog” and distorted thinking • Why consistent, focused attention creates change • Catching entitlement earlier and earlier • What healthy early recovery actually looks like • Why daily connection and accountability matter • The difference between attending a group and actually participating • Vulnerability, shame, and the “vulnerability hangover” • Why the first three to six months can be especially important • What happens when someone begins tapering off recovery too soon • Why connection—not simply sobriety—is essential for long-term recovery • What a men's intensive can and cannot do • Why an intensive is a jumpstart, not the solution • Understanding the impact of betrayal on the betrayed partner • Empathy, shame, and deep personal work • Why ongoing connection after an intensive is critical • The clearest signs of sustained recovery A Message for Betrayed Partners You don't have to decide whether your partner's recovery is real based on what he says. Watch the patterns. Is he doing something different? Is he staying connected? Is he accountable when no crisis is forcing him to be? Is he becoming more honest, more vulnerable, more empathetic, and more aware? And most importantly: Does the change continue over time? About MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT MaryAnn Michaelis is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, PTSD, grief, and trauma recovery and hosts Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, co-hosts the Human Intimacy Podcast, and creates online courses at HumanIntimacy.com.  About Darrell Brazell, PSAP, DSTP Pastor Darrell Brazell is a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional and director of New Hope Recovery Ministries. He has worked with individuals and couples navigating pornography, affairs, sexual addiction, and deceptive sexual behavior for decades. His professional training includes extensive sexual addiction recovery training and Dr. Omar Minwalla's Deceptive Sexuality & Trauma training. Learn More New Hope Recovery Ministries: newhope4si.com Men's Mountain Work Intensive: newhope4si.com/22ri Human Intimacy: humanintimacy.com

When Your Secure Base Is Broken: How Betrayal Trauma Disrupts Safety & Regulation What happens to your nervous system when the person who was supposed to be your safe place becomes the source of betrayal? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dan Oakes, MEd, LPC, CSAT, explore the powerful connection between attachment, the secure base, emotional regulation, and betrayal trauma. A secure attachment relationship gives us a place to return when life feels overwhelming—a person we can turn toward for safety, co-regulation, and connection. But when sexual betrayal, deception, or repeated discoveries occur within that relationship, the very person we once relied on to help us regulate may become associated with danger, uncertainty, and fear. That can leave a betrayed partner feeling like they have nowhere safe to land. MaryAnn and Dan talk about why betrayal can create profound nervous-system dysregulation, including hypervigilance, anxiety, emotional reactivity, shutdown, depression, confusion, and difficulty making decisions. They also explore how betrayal can disrupt not only our sense of safety with another person, but our ability to trust our own perceptions, instincts, and judgment. In this episode, we explore: • What emotional dysregulation actually looks like after betrayal • The window of tolerance and why ordinary stress can suddenly feel overwhelming • Attachment and the importance of a secure base • Why humans naturally seek proximity and co-regulation when they feel unsafe • What happens when the person who was your secure base becomes associated with danger • Why hypervigilance is a trauma response—not a character flaw • How deception and reality distortion can further erode a person's sense of safety • Why betrayal can lead to profound self-doubt and difficulty trusting your own instincts • The difference between the acute trauma of discovery and trauma that has accumulated over time • Why staggered or additional disclosures can reactivate traumatic responses • How therapists can become a temporary secure base during the healing process • Why regulation needs to come before major relationship decisions • The importance of restoring a person's sense of agency, safety, and choice after betrayal One of the most important messages in this conversation is that healing does not require a betrayed partner to make a particular decision about the relationship. The goal of therapy is not to tell someone whether to stay or leave. It is to help create enough safety and regulation that they can eventually make decisions from a more grounded place rather than from a nervous system overwhelmed by trauma. About Your Hosts MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW/LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is a licensed clinical social worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, infidelity, PTSD, grief, and trauma recovery. MaryAnn is trained in trauma-focused approaches including ART and EMDR and is the Clinical Director of HART (Healing Addiction, Relationships, Trauma) Recovery Institute.  Dan Oakes, MEd, LPC, CSAT is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, founder and director of the Arizona Family Institute. He has more than three decades of clinical experience working with individuals, couples, and families and specializes in relationships, betrayal, sexual addiction, attachment, and recovery. Connect & Learn More Rise Online Companion Course https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/hope-and-healing-from-sexual-betrayal Arizona Family Institute: https://www.arizonafamilyinstitute.com/ Dan Oakes' SHIFT Intensive Dan also leads SHIFT, a three-day clinical intensive for men addressing deceptive sexuality, accountability, healing, and the impact of betrayal on relationships. Remember If your nervous system is overwhelmed after betrayal, you are not failing at healing. Your responses make sense in the context of what your system has experienced. Regulation first. Clarity follows.

What if you’re not ready yet? Not ready to feel the anger. Not ready to set the boundary. Not ready to make the request. Not ready to face what might happen next. In this powerful conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  sits down with Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor, founder of the Relational Recovery Institute, creator of the Braving Model™, and author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst. Together, they explore why healing from sexual betrayal is not simply a matter of understanding what happened or finding the right cognitive tools. True healing often requires us to slow down, come into the body, feel what is happening, and gradually build our capacity to tolerate emotions, uncertainty, vulnerability, risk, and relational change. Michelle explains why what looks like overthinking, controlling, problem-solving, or intellectualizing may actually be the mind's attempt to manage what the nervous system is struggling to hold. In this episode, we explore: Why we often try to think our way out of emotional pain How intellectualizing can become a way of avoiding the deeper experience of grief, anger, fear, and uncertainty What it means to build emotional and nervous-system capacity Why some betrayed partners may struggle to access anger or protest after betrayal How the window of tolerance relates to healing Why “I can't do it” may actually mean “I can't do it yet” How self-compassion changes the way we understand our limitations Why healing requires more than cognitive insight and coping tools The power of co-regulation and relational healing How watching other people express and tolerate emotions can help us discover that our own emotions are survivable Why vulnerability and connection can reduce shame Michelle's BRAVE framework and the capacity to Reclaim Authenticity How betrayal can attach shame to our identity, sexuality, relationships, and sense of self Why reclaiming authenticity requires learning to tolerate the possibility that our truth may not always be welcomed How slowing down can actually help the healing process move faster Why the work of healing betrayal can ultimately transform far more than the relationship affected by betrayal Simple practices for beginning to reconnect with your body and emotions A powerful reminder from this conversation: You don't have to be ready yet. Your inability to do something today does not necessarily mean you are incapable of doing it. You may simply need to build the capacity to hold what that next step requires. And sometimes, slower is faster. Rather than forcing yourself to move through the pain, healing may mean slowing down enough to discover what your body is telling you, learning to tolerate what you feel, and gradually expanding your capacity to live from a deeper sense of authenticity and self-trust. Try this after listening: Three times a day, pause for a brief body check. Ask yourself: What am I noticing in my body right now? Do you feel tension, constriction, bracing, openness, heaviness, warmth, numbness, or something else? Then try putting words to your experience: “I feel…” “I am noticing…” “My body is telling me…” You don't have to fix it. Start by noticing. About Michelle Mays Michelle Mays, LPC, CSAT-S is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and Supervisor. She is the founder of the Relational Recovery Institute and creator of the Braving Model™ and Braving Hope® programs for healing from betrayal trauma. She is also the author of The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst. Her work focuses on attachment, betrayal trauma, relational healing, and helping betrayed partners rebuild safety, identity, and connection. Learn more about Michelle and her work at michellemays.com. About Rise Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal is hosted by MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and explores the journey of healing after sexual betrayal—including betrayal trauma, grief, identity, self-trust, boundaries, nervous-system regulation, and rebuilding a relationship with yourself. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs the reminder that they don't have to be ready yet.

After sexual betrayal, your body can react before your conscious mind has time to understand what is happening. A smell, a phrase, a look, a partner's behavior, or even a subtle shift in someone's expression can suddenly leave you flooded, hypervigilant, or convinced that something is wrong. But how do you know whether you're experiencing a trauma trigger—or a genuine warning sign? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, for a conversation about learning to understand what your body is communicating after betrayal. Your nervous system is designed to detect danger and protect you. After betrayal, however, that system can become highly sensitive. Sometimes your body is responding to a real pattern in the present. Other times, it may be recognizing something that resembles a painful experience from the past and sounding the alarm—even when you are safe right now. The goal isn't to ignore your gut. And it isn't to assume that every feeling of danger means something is wrong. The work is learning to slow down, listen, become curious, and fact-check what you're experiencing. In this episode, MaryAnn and Kris explore: Why betrayal can make you question whether you can trust anyone—including yourself The difference between a trauma trigger and an observable warning sign Why seemingly insignificant sensory experiences, such as a smell, can activate an intense trauma response How your body can detect information before you consciously understand what you're sensing Why some triggers are connected to actual patterns in a partner's behavior How to recognize the difference between a familiar trauma response and something happening in the present Why our bodies don't always communicate in words—and why finding language for our experiences matters How trusted friends, therapists, and groups can help us make sense of what we're feeling Using body awareness and body scanning to identify emotions and sensations How curiosity and compassion can replace self-condemnation and self-blame The ways we may have learned to override our own instincts How journaling can help put words and meaning to experiences that initially exist primarily in the body How parts work and IFS can help us understand the different parts of ourselves responding to betrayal Why slowing down can help us respond according to our values instead of reacting from trauma Why healing includes learning to listen to yourself without automatically believing or dismissing every signal Why this deeper work may not be appropriate immediately after discovery—and why early betrayal trauma requires a different kind of care What if my body is wrong? One of the most important ideas in this conversation is that a body response is information, not necessarily a conclusion. Your nervous system may be telling you, Something isn't safe. Instead of immediately dismissing that message—or immediately acting on it—you can begin to ask: What am I noticing? Where do I feel it in my body? Have I experienced this sensation before? Is there an observable pattern happening right now? Am I responding to what is happening in this moment, or to something my brain remembers from before? This process can create space between the alarm and the reaction. From self-condemnation to curiosity Betrayal can leave you questioning your own judgment: How did I not know? Why didn't I listen to my gut? How could I have been so wrong? But healing isn't about blaming yourself for what you didn't know. MaryAnn and Kris discuss shifting from condemnation to curiosity and compassion—learning to look at your experiences with enough kindness to understand what happened, rather than using hindsight to punish yourself. Because the goal isn't to become someone who never gets triggered. The goal is to become someone who can notice what is happening, understand it, and choose how to respond. A reminder for those who are newly betrayed If you have just discovered a betrayal, you may not be ready for this work yet—and that's okay. When your world has just been shattered, your job may simply be to survive, find safety, and get support. The ability to slow down and carefully distinguish triggers from warnings is often a later-stage healing skill. You don't have to figure everything out today. Healing takes time. And as you heal, you can begin to develop a different relationship with yourself—one where you can listen to your body, question your interpretations without dismissing yourself, and make decisions from greater clarity rather than fear and reactivity. You are not broken because your body is trying to protect you. Sometimes it is telling you about the present. Sometimes it is remembering the past. Healing is learning how to listen. About Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT Kris Cristiano is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist who specializes in sexual betrayal, infidelity, trauma, and relationship recovery. She works with individuals and couples navigating the aftermath of betrayal and incorporates trauma-focused approaches into her work. About MaryAnn Michaelis, LICSW, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT MaryAnn Michaelis is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She specializes in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, trauma, PTSD, and relationship healing and is the host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. If this episode was helpful, please subscribe, rate, and share Rise with someone who may need to hear that they don't have to walk the journey of betrayal recovery alone.

Hijacked by Betrayal Trauma? How to Interrupt the Cycle & Create a New Baseline with Brett Judd, LCSW (Rise 2:35) *Note: This episode includes helpful visuals - For the full experience, check it out on YouTube Have you ever been triggered by something your partner said, did, or didn’t do—and suddenly felt like you were no longer in control of your response? You may know logically that your reaction seems bigger than the moment, but your body is already on high alert. You’re anxious, angry, hypervigilant, overwhelmed, or shutting down before you even have time to think. In this episode of RISE, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by licensed clinical social worker and hypnotherapist Brett Judd to explore what happens in the brain and body when betrayal trauma triggers hijack our ability to think clearly and respond intentionally. Brett explains the emotional arousal cycle and how trauma and repeated experiences can create a new baseline—one where the brain becomes primed to anticipate danger, even when we desperately want safety and connection. For betrayed partners, this can help explain why hypervigilance, overthinking, emotional reactivity, anxiety, withdrawal, and shutdown can feel so automatic. But understanding the cycle is only the beginning. This conversation focuses on where we can interrupt the cycle and how repeated interruptions can begin to create a new baseline. You’ll learn how to: • Recognize when you are being hijacked by a trigger • Understand what is happening in your brain and body during emotional arousal • Recognize why your reactions may feel automatic rather than conscious • Understand how past experiences can create new emotional baselines • See a trigger as information rather than an instruction to act • Use curiosity to create space between a trigger and your response • Notice what your body is telling you when your thinking brain isn't fully online • Use simple questions to understand what is happening underneath your reaction • Recognize when “I don't know” may mean your logical brain has gone offline • Interrupt the emotional arousal cycle • Develop a plan for what you can do differently the next time you're triggered • Begin expanding your window of tolerance • Repeatedly practice new responses that can help create a new baseline One of the most powerful ideas in this conversation is that a trigger is information—not an instruction to act. The goal isn't to never be triggered again. Betrayal trauma recovery isn't about eliminating every difficult emotion or reaction. The goal is to recognize the hijack, understand what is happening, create a pause, and learn to respond differently. Over time, those new responses can begin to change the baseline your brain has learned to expect. If you've ever wondered, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” or “Why does my body respond before I can even think?”, this episode offers a framework for understanding the cycle—and practical ways to begin changing it. About Brett Judd Brett Judd is a licensed clinical social worker and hypnotherapist practicing in Southeast Idaho. He has approximately 30 years of experience in personal change and development, with a focus on trauma, the brain, emotional arousal, and the behavioral patterns that develop in response to trauma. To access the emotional arousal cycle Brett shares, use this link: https://app.steadytide.com/j1.pl?ea9831ceeb6281c36f8979caaf80c83330c18597895ff4df5a5840bbabacf3d2 Brett also creates hypnosis resources focused on sleep, relaxation, emotional processing, and letting go. Find Brett's Hypnotherapy Resources at @BrettJuddHypnotherapy, including resources focused on deep sleep, relaxation, emotional processing, and letting go. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoLr-X9l-0Bh91otlaDKSYg A reminder from MaryAnn: Healing is a journey. Give yourself compassion as you learn to understand your responses, interrupt old patterns, and create new ones.

The 3-Step Superpower You Already Have: How IFS Can Help You Heal from Betrayal Trauma with Jenna Riemersma What if you already have an internal resource that can help you navigate the anger, confusion, hypervigilance, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm that can come with betrayal trauma? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, talks with Jenna Riemersma, CSAT supervisor, IFS Certified Therapist, and IFS Clinical Consultant, about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, betrayal trauma, nervous system regulation, self-compassion, and healing after sexual betrayal. When you've experienced betrayal, it can feel like you're at war with yourself. One part of you may want to leave. Another may desperately want connection. One part may rage, while another shuts down. You may find yourself researching, monitoring, people-pleasing, threatening to leave, forgiving too quickly, or struggling with behaviors that don't seem consistent with who you are. Jenna explains why these seemingly conflicting responses can actually make sense through the lens of IFS and trauma. Rather than judging or fighting against the parts of ourselves we don't like, IFS invites us to approach them with curiosity and compassion—and discover what they're trying to protect, what they need, and how we can respond differently. In this episode, you'll learn: • What Internal Family Systems (IFS) is and how "parts" develop • Why betrayal trauma can make you feel like you're at war with yourself • What IFS means by Self with a capital S • How trauma can burden parts of us with shame, fear, anger, and beliefs like "I'm not enough" • Why some parts become managers while others react through anger, compulsive behaviors, dissociation, shutdown, or people-pleasing • Why you can desperately want connection one moment and want to run the next • How different parts interact with the nervous system during betrayal trauma • The connection between IFS, fight-or-flight, shutdown, and nervous system regulation • Why understanding a part does not mean excusing harmful behavior • How self-leadership can help you make wiser decisions about boundaries and relationships • Why fighting, shaming, or rejecting parts of yourself can make healing more difficult • How IFS can help you approach the question, "Do I stay or do I go?" • Why recovery from compulsive sexual behavior involves more than willpower • How unburdening can help wounded parts return to their original positive roles • The connection between IFS, recovery from pornography and compulsive sexual behavior, and healthy intimacy • How self-compassion can create space between you and a triggered emotional response The 3-Step Superpower: Notice, Know, Need Jenna shares a simple IFS-based practice you can use when you feel emotionally hijacked. NOTICE: "There is a part of me that's activated." Remember: this is a part of you—not all of you. KNOW: "What do you want me to know about you right now?" Instead of assuming why you're angry, afraid, or overwhelmed, pause and listen with curiosity. NEED: "What do you need from me right now to feel a little less agitated and a little more comforted?" These three steps can help you slow down, reconnect with yourself, understand the message underneath your emotions, and move toward a more intentional response. And you may be surprised by what you discover. The goal isn't to get rid of the angry part, the scared part, the hypervigilant part, or the part that wants to protect you at all costs. The goal is to understand these parts, help them feel safe, and reconnect with the wisdom and self-leadership that are already within you. If you're healing from infidelity, sexual betrayal, pornography addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal trauma, this conversation offers a compassionate and empowering way to understand what's happening inside you—and begin responding to yourself differently. Resources Jenna Riemersma / Move Toward: JennaRiemersma.com Human Intimacy: HumanIntimacy.com — Resources and education for healing from sexual betrayal, compulsive sexual behavior, and relationship trauma. About Jenna Jenna Riemersma, LPC is a leading authority in the integration of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy with compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma treatment. As a Certified IFS Therapist, IFS Clinical Consultant, and CSAT Supervisor, Jenna brings over a decade of specialized expertise to the intersection of these critical therapeuticmodalities. She is the #1 best-selling author of Altogether You, IFS Integration, and her newest book Move Toward. Jenna's Books Altogether You: Experiencing Personal and Spiritual Transformation with Internal Family Systems Therapy — an introduction to IFS with a focus on spirituality. Altogether Us: Integrating the IFS Model with Key Modalities, Communities, and Trends — explores integrating IFS with approaches including trauma, EMDR, polyvagal theory, couples work, sexuality, and addiction. Move Toward: A Simplified IFS Therapy Tool to Welcome All Parts of You — Jenna's three-step Notice, Know, Need approach for bringing IFS into everyday life and triggering moments. Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal is hosted by MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and features conversations with betrayal trauma experts and explores betrayal trauma recovery, sexual betrayal, infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, relationships, boundaries, and healing. This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individual mental health treatment.

What if the problem was never that you weren’t enough—but that somewhere along the way, you learned to believe you weren’t? In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and  Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore one of the most painful and often overlooked effects of sexual betrayal: the way repeated criticism, gaslighting, denial, and emotional wounds can change how a betrayed partner sees themselves. After betrayal, many partners find themselves asking: Was I not enough? What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I worth choosing? Can I trust my own perception anymore? But these questions often reflect internalized messages—not the truth about a person's inherent worth. MaryAnn and Karen explore how beliefs about being “less than,” unlovable, inadequate, or somehow responsible for a partner's behavior can develop over years or even decades. They discuss how childhood experiences and earlier trauma can create vulnerabilities that are later reinforced by betrayal, gaslighting, criticism, or emotional abuse. They also explore why your worth is not determined by your productivity, your appearance, your partner's behavior, or whether someone else recognizes your value. In this conversation, you'll hear about: Why sexual betrayal can profoundly impact self-worth and self-image How gaslighting and repeated criticism can create deep self-doubt The connection between childhood experiences and beliefs about being “not enough” Why we can begin to believe the negative stories others tell us How to question the beliefs and narratives you've internalized The difference between your actual worth and your perception of your worth Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) concepts to connect with wounded younger parts of yourself A practical tapping/EFT exercise for trauma, self-acceptance, and emotional regulation Why looking at a childhood photo can be a powerful way to reconnect with compassion and innocence The powerful question: When does a baby lose its value? Why your worth doesn't increase when you achieve—and doesn't decrease when someone betrays you How trusted people can sometimes hold hope and truth for us when we can't see it for ourselves yet One of the central messages of this episode is simple but profound: What happened to you may have changed the way you see yourself. It did not change your worth. If you are struggling with shame, self-blame, low self-esteem, self-doubt, or the belief that you weren't enough after sexual betrayal, this conversation offers a compassionate place to begin looking at those beliefs differently. About Your Hosts MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is a therapist specializing in betrayal trauma, sexual addiction, trauma recovery, and relationship healing. She is the founder of HART (Healing Addiction, Relationships, Trauma) Recovery Institute and host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and relational healing. She brings a trauma-informed perspective to helping individuals and couples understand the impact of betrayal and move toward healing. If this episode is helpful, please share it with someone who may need the reminder that their worth was never the problem. To find more healing resources, please check out our online courses at humanintimacy.com

What happens to your sexuality when the person you trusted most betrays you? Betrayal doesn't just affect your emotions. It can change how you experience your body, your sexuality, intimacy, desire, trust, and even your sense of yourself as a sexual person. In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by Dr. Stefanie Carnes, one of the most recognized voices in the field of sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and relational recovery. Dr. Carnes and MaryAnn take an honest look at sex after betrayal—including why sexual intimacy can feel impossible even when a betrayed partner desperately wants connection, why rebuilding trust has to come before sexual reintegration, and how betrayal can leave partners questioning their bodies, their desirability, and their own sexuality. They also explore the difficult territory that often goes unspoken: What happens when you don't feel safe enough to have sex, but you still feel like you should? What happens when you feel angry about the sexuality that was taken from you? And how do you begin reclaiming your sexuality without abandoning yourself in the process? Dr. Carnes shares insights from her work with betrayed partners, including the Partner Sexuality Survey and the updated edition of Facing Heartbreak, which gives partners a framework for exploring the many ways betrayal can affect sexuality. Together, MaryAnn and Dr. Carnes discuss: Why betrayal trauma can profoundly affect sexual desire and intimacy Why trust and emotional safety are foundational to sexual connection What happens when sexual behaviors become betrayal trauma triggers Why trying to “fix” sex before addressing the trauma can backfire The impact of pornography and comparison on body image and self-worth Why betrayed partners may feel pressure to become their partner's sexual outlet Sexual self-abandonment—and the deeper wound of betraying yourself The grief of lost time, intimacy, and even childbearing years How partners can reclaim their sexual agency after betrayal Creating a shared vision for healthy sexuality after betrayal The importance of boundaries and a couple's sexual health plan Why emotional healing is the bridge to sexual reintegration How couples can begin rebuilding intimacy without rushing the process Dr. Carnes also discusses her books Facing Heartbreak and Courageous Love, and why recovery is possible—even after profound betrayal. Facing Heartbreak is specifically designed to help partners work through the devastation of betrayal and move toward healing and hope. If you are struggling with sex after betrayal, you are not broken. Your response may be telling you something important about safety, trust, and what your nervous system has experienced. This conversation gives language to an aspect of betrayal trauma that is often overlooked: the betrayed partner's sexuality matters, too. Resources: Gentlepathpress.com humanintimacy.com Books mentioned in this episode Facing Heartbreak — Dr. Stefanie Carnes (newly updated) Courageous Love: A Couples Guide to Conquering Betrayal — Dr. Stefanie Carnes   Key Topics Sex after betrayal • betrayal trauma • sexual intimacy after infidelity • sexuality after betrayal • sex addiction • pornography betrayal • rebuilding trust • rebuilding intimacy • sexual reintegration • body image after betrayal • sexual boundaries • Partner Sexuality Survey • Facing Heartbreak • Stefanie Carnes • Patrick Carnes • betrayed partners • couples recovery

After sexual betrayal, one of the most painful questions can become: Should I stay, or should I leave? What if there is no obvious right answer? And when divorce enters the conversation, the decision can feel overwhelming. Children, finances, family, faith, fear, hope, anger, trauma, and the possibility of your partner changing can all pull you in different directions. In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT-S, take a compassionate, honest look at divorce after sexual betrayal—and how to make an informed decision about whether leaving is right for you. They explore why this decision is rarely as simple as “stay” or “go,” and why no one else can make it for you. In this episode, you’ll hear about: Why sexual betrayal and infidelity are significant factors in many divorces The unique experience of being betrayed and divorced—and the gaps in support for this population Why deciding whether to leave may be one of the most difficult decisions you ever make How friends, family, religious leaders, and even therapists can unintentionally influence your decision The difference between getting support and being told what you “should” do Why it is important to gather multiple data points before making a life-changing decision How children, finances, family systems, and the long-term impact of divorce complicate the decision The difference between hope, apathy, numbness, and feeling like the “light has gone out” Why watching your partner’s actions—not just their words—matters when evaluating recovery How boundaries can help you step out of helplessness and begin making decisions from a stronger place Why some people choose to stay while others choose divorce—and why neither decision should automatically be judged The importance of self-compassion when looking back at the choices you made at different points in your healing What support can look like during and after divorce The impact of divorce on children and family relationships across generations Why healing doesn't end when the divorce is final The importance of rebuilding your identity and remembering that your worth is not defined by whether you stay or leave When you’re stuck between staying and leaving One of the most powerful themes in this conversation is that you don't have to make your decision based solely on someone else's opinion. You may have people telling you to leave. You may have people telling you to stay. You may have a partner who promises to change. You may have children who make the decision feel impossible. You may have financial concerns that make leaving feel terrifying. And you may simply not know. Dr. Skinner emphasizes the importance of gathering information, seeking support, and paying attention to what is actually happening—not just what you hope will happen. Because ultimately, this is your life, your relationship, and your decision. If you're considering divorce after infidelity or sexual betrayal This episode is for you if you've found yourself asking: “Should I stay?” “Should I leave?” “Can I trust that my partner is really changing?” “What if I regret leaving?” “What if I regret staying?” “How do I know I'm making the right decision?” There may not be an easy answer. But there can be a more informed one. And wherever you are in that process, you deserve support—not judgment. Remember Whether you stay or leave, your worth does not change. Sexual betrayal may profoundly affect your relationship, your sense of safety, your identity, and your future—but it does not define your value as a person. You don't have to have everything figured out today. You can gather information. You can seek support. You can listen to yourself. And you can make the decision that is right for you. Related Resources Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - Online Course with Personalized Feedback and Assessments For additional support during the process of divorce and recovery, visit HumanIntimacy.com to access the Rise Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Course, our Course on Boundaries, Communication, and resources to help repair and enhance your relationship. If you are newly discovering sexual betrayal, be sure to explore Season 1 of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, created specifically for those early days and weeks after discovery.  If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be walking through sexual betrayal or considering divorce. No one should have to walk this path alone.

Can trust really be rebuilt after sexual betrayal? When you've been betrayed, everyone seems to have an opinion. Some people tell you to leave immediately. Others encourage you to forgive and move on. But the question that often gets overlooked is this: What does real recovery actually look like? Before you decide whether to stay in your relationship, it's essential to know what you're looking for. In Part 3 of this series, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT,  unpack the characteristics of authentic recovery—not the kind that is fueled by guilt, fear of consequences, or a desperate attempt to save a relationship, but the kind that reflects genuine transformation from the inside out. Recovery is more than attending therapy, joining a support group, or saying the right words. It is a gradual process of becoming emotionally mature, learning to regulate emotions instead of escaping them, embracing humility over defensiveness, choosing transparency over secrecy, and developing the capacity to create emotional safety for the person you've hurt. Whether you're asking, "Can my relationship heal?" or "How do I know if my partner is really changing?" this episode will help you move beyond hope alone and begin looking for evidence of lasting change. In This Episode You'll Learn Why no therapist, family member, or friend can tell you whether you should stay or leave The difference between genuine recovery and performative recovery Why humility—not shame—is one of the strongest predictors of long-term healing What emotional maturity actually looks like after betrayal How emotional regulation creates the foundation for rebuilding trust Why transparency and honesty reduce shame and increase safety The role of community, accountability, sponsors, therapy, and healthy support systems in lasting recovery How to recognize when recovery is driven by validation instead of transformation Red flags that suggest someone is managing appearances instead of doing the deeper work Why listening to your intuition is an important part of the healing process The Heart of This Conversation One apology doesn't rebuild trust. Neither does perfect attendance at therapy, saying all the right things, or simply avoiding old behaviors. Lasting recovery is revealed through consistent patterns of humility, accountability, emotional growth, and a willingness to remain teachable. It's seen in how someone responds when they're uncomfortable, how they handle feedback, how they regulate difficult emotions, and whether they continue choosing honesty even when it's costly. Healing isn't about waiting for perfection. It's about learning to recognize genuine transformation. This Episode Is Part 3 of Our Series Part 1: The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving Part 2: Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal: How to Decide Part 3: Signs of Recovery: What to Look for Before You Decide to Stay If you've been wrestling with whether your relationship can survive sexual betrayal, this three-part series will help you move from fear to clarity—first by reclaiming yourself, then by learning how to make wise decisions, and finally by recognizing the signs that real healing is, or isn't, taking place. Because the decision to stay shouldn't be based on promises. It should be based on patterns.

The Battle of Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Why Healing Isn't Always About Leaving How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship after sexual betrayal? It may seem like the most important question—but what if it's not the first one you need to answer? In Part 2 of this conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the deeper battle many betrayed partners face: the struggle to find themselves again after betrayal. While it's natural to become consumed with deciding whether to stay or leave, true healing often begins by reclaiming your identity, your voice, and your sense of worth—regardless of what happens to the relationship. Drawing from Michelle Mays' powerful reflections in her book, "The Betrayal Bind," MaryAnn and Karen discuss how betrayal trauma can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, caught in self-doubt, and trapped by old beliefs about your value. They explore why healing isn't about fixing your partner or earning a particular outcome, but about untangling yourself from the lies betrayal has reinforced and becoming whole again. Whether your relationship survives or ends, the journey of recovery is ultimately about rescuing yourself. In This Episode Why deciding whether to stay or leave is rarely the first step in healing. The hidden battle many betrayed partners wage within themselves. How betrayal trauma can lead to self-abandonment and loss of identity. Why you can't control your partner's choices—but you can reclaim your own life. Michelle Mays' powerful perspective on rescuing yourself from the lies you've believed. How healing old attachment wounds helps you make decisions from clarity rather than fear. Why becoming whole matters whether your relationship is restored or not. Finding hope, peace, and a stronger sense of self after betrayal. Key Takeaway The greatest healing after betrayal isn't always found in leaving—or staying. It's found in becoming the kind of person who no longer has to abandon themselves to keep a relationship. When you reclaim your identity, your worth, and your voice, you're finally able to make decisions from a place of truth instead of fear. If you're struggling to decide whether to stay or leave after sexual betrayal, remember this: before you can know what's right for your relationship, you deserve the opportunity to rediscover the person who gets to make that decision. Resources Mentioned "The Betrayal Bind" by Michelle Mays Connect with Us If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need hope today. Your support helps us reach more individuals navigating the pain of betrayal trauma and searching for healing.

Considering Leaving a Relationship After Sexual Betrayal? How to Decide One of the most painful questions after discovering sexual betrayal is: "Do I stay, or is it time to leave?" If you're considering ending your relationship after infidelity, pornography addiction, or another form of sexual betrayal, you're not alone—and you don't have to rush your decision. In this episode, betrayal trauma therapists MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, explore how to thoughtfully navigate one of the hardest decisions you'll ever face. Rather than telling you what to do, they discuss the questions, relationship patterns, and signs to evaluate so you can make a decision that aligns with your values, safety, and long-term healing. You'll learn why emotional clarity often comes after your nervous system begins to heal, how therapeutic separation can create space for discernment, and what healthy relationships have in common when genuine repair is possible. Whether you're newly navigating discovery or have been wrestling with this decision for months—or even years—this conversation offers compassionate guidance without pressure or judgment. In This Episode Why you don't have to decide immediately after discovering betrayal The difference between therapeutic separation and divorce How betrayal trauma affects decision-making and emotional clarity Why patterns of behavior matter more than promises or apologies The importance of safety, respect, honesty, and accountability How healthy boundaries reveal the health of a relationship Questions to ask when evaluating whether your relationship can heal The role of hope, genuine recovery, and consistent change Common fears that make leaving feel impossible, including finances, children, faith, and starting over How to make a decision you can live with—without regret Key Takeaways Give yourself permission to slow down before making permanent decisions whenever safety allows. Look for consistent actions, not just sincere words. A healthy relationship is built on respect, emotional and physical safety, honesty, friendship, and mutual effort. Healing your nervous system often brings the clarity that trauma initially obscures. No one can decide for you—but you can learn what to look for as you discern your next steps. Resources Mentioned Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft Gottman's Four Horsemen of Relationship Breakdown Human Intimacy recovery resources Connect If you're healing from sexual betrayal and looking for additional support, visit HumanIntimacy.com for courses, resources, and educational content designed to help individuals and couples navigate recovery.