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Building a Life, Losing Myself: Elizabeth Alina’s Story (Part 3) What happens when you leave the world you grew up in and try to build a life of your own—but discover that leaving doesn't mean leaving everything behind? In Part 3 of Elizabeth Alina’s story, Elizabeth talks about moving to North Carolina, starting her own business, and making a tremendous amount of money, even as she struggled to manage the success she had worked so hard to achieve. Behind the accomplishments, her life was becoming increasingly difficult. Hospitalizationsfor a digestive disorder and the end of her marriage marked painful chapters in a journey that was about much more than starting over somewhere new. Elizabeth’s story reminds us that building an outwardly successful life doesn't automatically resolve the struggles we carry with us. The effects of our past can follow us into our relationships, our health, and our understanding of ourselves. Join us for the next chapter of Elizabeth’s deeply personal journey as she navigates success, illness, divorce, and the complicated work of building a life beyond the world in which she was raised. The Cult on the Cape is brought to you by Rock Harbor Truth, a survivor-led nonprofit dedicated to education, advocacy, and support for those harmed by high-control systems.

Elizabeth Alina describes the time leading up to and including her exit from the Community of Jesus in Orleans Ma.

The Ocean I Swam In: Elizabeth Alina’s Story Elizabeth Alina’s earliest memories are memories of growing up inside the Community of Jesus. She remembers sleeping in a basement as a small child. Being taught, in ways she didn’t yet understand, that something was wrong with her. Learning to feel shame around her body, her thoughts, her emotions, and even her desire for connection with her own mother. As Elizabeth puts it, “That’s the ocean I swam in.” In this deeply personal conversation, Elizabeth takes us through her childhood and adolescence inside the Community of Jesus—from her earliest memories, through the homes and families she was moved between, the constant scrutiny and “light sessions,” escalating anxiety and obsessive thoughts, and the gradual erosion of her confidence and sense of self. For years, Elizabeth believed what she was experiencing was guilt. She didn’t understand that the overwhelming fear, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, and anxiety were symptoms of something else. She simply knew that she was always trying to figure out what she was doing wrong. This is Part One of Elizabeth’s story. It is a story about childhood, shame, control, family, and what happens when a child grows up believing that the very things that make her human are evidence that something is wrong with her. The Cult on the Cape is a podcast of Rock Harbor Truth, a survivor-led nonprofit working to bring light to the experiences of those harmed by high-control systems. Listen. Learn. Share. And help us continue telling the stories that have been silenced for decades.

What happens when survivors tell their stories—and a community chooses to listen? On September 20th, over 100 people gathered at First Parish Brewster Unitarian Universalist Church as Shawn DeLude, Tim DeLude, and Bonnie Zampino shared their personal stories of growing up inside the Community of Jesus. Introduced by Susan Smith of First Parish Brewster UU, the event explored our experiences within a high-control religious community and the Community of Jesus’ presence and reach in Brewster, including through the performing arts. This is the live audio from that evening. Three survivors. One room. Nearly 100 people listening. This is Voices of Truth.

Rock Harbor Truth gathered in Brewster for a Stand for Truth near the Performing Arts Center—a building survivors say was constructed, in part, through the labor of children from the Community of Jesus. In this special episode, hear the voices from that gathering. Together, they speak about abuse, accountability, survivor support, and the courage it takes to tell the truth in the very place where so much was hidden.

Bonnie continues her discussion with psychotherapist Kari Fillian, LICSW, about how faith can become a weapon in high-control environments. Together, they explore ways to heal from this kind of abuse. .Bonnie connects Kari’s clinical insight to her own experiences at the Community of Jesus—including “light sessions,” chronic exhaustion, family separation, and the regulation of emotions, sexuality, and personal choice. They also examine why leaving a high-control group is so difficult—and why the effects can remain in the body long after someone is physically free. ⁠Kari Fillian Psychotherapy

In this deeply personal conversation, Bonnie speaks with psychotherapist Kari Fillian, LICSW, about how faith can become a weapon in high-control environments. Together, they explore the BITE Model of control, the use of shame and forced confession, and the ways religious trauma can disrupt a person’s identity, relationships, nervous system, and ability to trust themselves. Bonnie connects Kari’s clinical insight to her own experiences at the Community of Jesus—including “light sessions,” chronic exhaustion, family separation, and the regulation of emotions, sexuality, and personal choice. They also examine why leaving a high-control group is so difficult—and why the effects can remain in the body long after someone is physically free. Kari Fillian Psychotherapy

In Part Two of her story, Becky reflects on parenting a daughter with profound autism, confronting the lasting effects of Grenville and The Community of Jesus, and questioning the faith she inherited. Through fear, exhaustion, and deep self-examination, she discovers acceptance, a more expansive understanding of love, and the possibility that the life she has built is enough.

Becky Hathaway Dirksen was seven years old when her family moved to Grenville Christian College to live the life mandated by the Community of Jesus. What followed was a childhood governed by rigid schedules, forced labor, constant correction, family separation, and spiritual teachings that equated suffering with holiness and love with giving up what mattered most. In Part One of her story, Becky describes trying desperately to become the “good” person Grenville demanded—while never knowing exactly what was wrong with who she already was. She reflects on the lasting damage of being taught to distrust herself, the loneliness of being sent to Bermuda as an unpaid worker, and the dream of horses and Montana that became her imagined path to freedom. Becky eventually left determined to begin her life. But, as she explains, appearing resilient is not the same as escaping unharmed: “The fallout comes later.”

Author Heather King came to the Community of Jesus expecting a Benedictine retreat. Then she Googled “Community of Jesus Cult.”

On Sunday, survivors, allies, and community members gathered on Cape Cod for Stand for Truth — a public show of support for those harmed by the Community of Jesus and those still inside. In this special episode of The Cult on the Cape, we bring you the voices from that day. You’ll hear from an ally and survivor of sexual abuse who fought for justice, saw her abuser sentenced to 42 years in prison, and spoke about what it means to find your voice — and to help others find theirs. You’ll also hear directly from two survivors of the Community of Jesus as they share their experiences and the lasting impact those experiences have had on their lives. For decades, many survivors were taught to stay silent. Now, they are speaking. These are the voices of Stand for Truth.

After spending her entire life inside the Community of Jesus, Magdelene Leon—known to many as Katie Buddington—believed her future had already been decided. In Part 2 of her story, she shares what it was like to take her vows as a novice and later as a permanently professed sister, despite a growing sense that something wasn't right. She describes the impossible choices faced by those raised in high-control groups, the fear of leaving everything they have ever known, and the quiet determination it took to begin imagining a different life. She reflects on the moment she realized the outside world wasn't what she'd been taught to fear, why so many people try to leave "the right way," and what it has taken to rebuild her identity after decades of control. This episode is an honest conversation about autonomy, faith, healing, and the extraordinary courage required to choose yourself when you've been taught your entire life not to. Content Note: This episode contains discussions of religious coercion, emotional abuse, family separation, and trauma.

Katie Buddington (Magdalene Leon) was the first child born into the Community of Jesus. In this episode, she shares what it was like to grow up inside a high-control religious community where family bonds were broken, fear became normal, and children learned that obedience came before everything else. From public humiliation and harsh discipline to the lifelong effects of childhood trauma, Katie's story offers a powerful look at what it means to be born into a system you never had the chance to choose—and the courage it takes to reclaim your life.

Visit Todd's website for robust resources for those escaping coercive control. Resource for Life - A place to find healing and support after leaving abuse and coercive control.

In Part 1 of Todd Lynch's story, we hear what it was like to enter the Community of Jesus as a teenager after being raised in a loving family outside the group. What began as a search for spiritual guidance quickly became a life defined by separation, control, and impossible choices. Todd shares the shock of being sent away to Grenville Christian College in Canada with almost no notice, the heartbreaking experience of being pressured to criticize his own mother, and the realization that the "community" he had been promised was anything but family. Together, Todd and Bonnie explore the psychological concept of bounded choice—how people can appear to have freedom while, in reality, every option comes at an unbearable cost. They also discuss the manipulation of faith, the erosion of personal autonomy, and why asking, "Why didn't you just leave?" misses the reality of life inside a high-control group. This episode offers an honest and deeply thoughtful look at coercive control, family separation, and the courage it takes to recognize when something claiming to be spiritual has become something very different.