Advertise on podcast: Chemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition)
Rating
5from
This podcast has
33 episodes
Language
EnglishPublisher
QollabExplicit
Yes
Date created
2025/11/18
Latest episode
2026/05/22
Average duration
29 min.
Release period
4 days
Description
Chemstories is a podcast series created by gay, bisexual, queer men, as well as trans and non-binary people who wish to share their experiences related to chemsex*. For Chemstories, we worked for over a year with our editorial board made up of individuals with firsthand experience of chemsex. Three members even became hosts for group discussions in their respective cities—Toronto, Montreal, and Halifax—whom you will meet in the upcoming episodes. From the very beginning, it was essential that this podcast be truly by and for the community. But Chemstories is more than a podcast — it’s the result of a collaborative investigation into the lived realities of chemsex. Together, we set out to explore one central question: "Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their stories in their own words?" This question came directly from our editorial board. They saw it as vital — because too often, people with lived experience have been silenced, stigmatized, or spoken about rather than with. Through Chemstories, they take back that space — to speak for themselves, and to be heard. So thank you for listening. The views expressed in this podcast reflect personal experiences and opinions. Chemstories addresses themes that may be sensitive for some listeners. For a list of support resources, visit: https://qollab.ca/en/ressources-services-chemsex/ Visit our website: chemstories.ca and contact us at [email protected] * “Chemsex” is a contraction of “chemical” and “sex.” It refers to the use of illicit drugs with the intention of having sex, primarily within GBTQ+ communities. It is also known as Party’n’Play (PnP). Chemstory is a research project approved by the ethics committee of the Université de Montréal (CERSES-20-157-D). Chemstory is funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. The testimonies shared in this podcast reflect individual experiences and personal opinions. Your own experiences and opinions may differ from those expressed here.
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Check latest episodes from Chemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition) podcast
32. YHZ Maturity-Pt. 2 — I Know What I Am
2026/05/22
In this second and last segment of the YHZ Maturity flight, Halifax host Andrew concludes his conversation with Harry and Hector, focusing on the intersection of aging, HIV, and chemsex.
The guests discuss how living with HIV has evolved, with U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) and PrEP fundamentally changing the landscape of sexual health and intimacy. However, they note a lingering disconnect in the party community, where discussions about status are often skipped entirely in favor of antiretrovirals and substance use.
The trio also tackles the scarcity of support services in Atlantic Canada, contrasting it with the accessibility found in larger cities. They share personal strategies for maintaining balance, such as the importance of setting boundaries.
The episode wraps up with a nuanced reflection on whether they would recommend chemsex to others, balancing the undeniable pleasure and connection it offers against the risks and consequences.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
31. YHZ Maturity-Pt. 1 — Hey Harry & Hector
2026/05/21
Halifax host Andrew introduces Harry and Hector, two older participants whose experiences challenge the typical narrative of youth and recklessness often associated with chemsex.
Hector, who began using drugs in his mid-50s after retiring, candidly discusses the unexpected slide from isolation to regular use. Harry, with a 20-year history of use, reflects on the "allure" of crystal meth—a "powerful drug" that heightened sexuality in a way no other substance could.
The conversation explores the unique dynamics of the Halifax scene compared to larger metropolitan areas. They discuss the "stigma within substances", and the challenges of managing privacy in a smaller city where everyone knows your business.
The episode also touches on intergenerational dynamics, with both guests reflecting on the transactional nature of encounters with younger men, often navigating the blurred lines between genuine attraction and the expectation of being a provider.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
30. YHZ Resilience-Pt. 2 — Giving Grace
2026/05/15
In this second chapter of the YHZ Resilience flight, Halifax host Andrew guides Steven and James through a raw discussion on the complex intersection of trauma, shame, and recovery.
James opens up about how a strict religious upbringing led him to repress childhood abuse, and later, how chemsex became a way to enact a self-fulfilling prophecy of being "reduced to just a sex object". Steven explains how relapsing can feel doubly shameful when paired with experiences of sexual assault that occur during use, making it easier to "sweep under the rug" rather than face judgment.
The conversation shifts to the limitations of current support systems, critiquing traditional recovery models for their rigidity and lack of space to discuss sexual trauma openly. James describes finding solace in an Anonymous group initially but ultimately stepping away, finding more empowerment in personal accountability and therapy. Steven dreams of a recovery space specifically informed about chemsex.
The episode concludes with a powerful reflection on self-compassion, advising listeners to replace shame with curiosity.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH)
Direction 180 : non-profit community-based opioid treatment program located in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
29. YHZ Resilience-Pt. 1 — Hey Steven & James
2026/05/15
Halifax host Andrew opens a challenging yet necessary conversation with guests Steven and James, focusing on the intersection of chemsex, consent, and sexual trauma.
Steven, five years into recovery, shares how early experiences of sexual abuse created a "gateway" not just to substance use, but to a pattern of seeking out sexual encounters as a way to regain a sense of control. He describes how substances became tools to facilitate intimacy yet ultimately led to reliving past traumas. James explains how substances lowered his inhibitions enough to express desires that were often self-destructive, rooted in a deep sense of unworthiness.
The discussion highlights specificities of the Halifax scene, where an interconnected community means that encounters aren't truly anonymous, leading to the reality of potentially encountering people with personal connections in vulnerable settings.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
28. YHZ Activism — Hey Andrew
2026/05/08
In the inaugural episode of the YHZ Halifax flights, Investigator Olivier introduces local host Andrew, whose personal journey from daily chemsex use to becoming a key advocate in Nova Scotia shapes the conversation. He candidly addresses the "internalized homophobia" often found in more rural or industrial areas of the East Coast, which can drive chemsex further underground. He discusses a desire to reclaim the narrative around chemsex in smaller cities where privacy is scarce, and stigma runs high.
Andrew highlights the unique challenges of the Halifax scene, and the lack of dedicated support services leaves many navigating their use in isolation. The episode delves into his efforts to fill these gaps, from running pilot harm reduction projects to creating an online resource hub. Ultimately, Andrew hopes the podcast will challenge the misconception that chemsex equals a "messy" life, instead showcasing the agency, complexity, and humanity of those involved.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Andrew’s Web site : Coming Spring 2026
Matthew Numer (Dalhousie University) :
Philip Joy (Mount Saint Vincent University) :
G-emergency Response
27. YHZ Prelude — Why It's Important, Halifax
2026/05/08
In this prelude to the YHZ Halifax series, this episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words?
First, Olivier Ferlatte, the principal investigator of Chemstories, asks the question to Halifax Host Andrew who emphasizes that lived experience is a powerful tool for empathy and destigmatization. Andrew then asks the same question to his guests Steven, James, Harry and Hector whose reflections set the tone for the episodes to come.
Together, their voices underscore that visibility is key to building a supportive community where no one has to navigate the challenges of chemsex alone. They hope their stories will not only foster personal connections but also drive the creation of more effective, compassionate policies and support systems.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
22. YUL Heritage-Pt. 2 — Party Politics
2026/04/24
Éric, Hugues, and Jean-Sébastien explore the evolution of queer spaces—from clandestine origins to modern venues centered on sensuality or sobriety. They discuss a post-COVID shift toward more diverse ways to meet and connect.
The group delves into how sex functions as a tool for validation, often using substances to navigate the vulnerability of intimacy. Hugues frames queer joy as political resistance against heteronormativity. They conclude by examining chemsex as a "great equalizer," momentarily stripping away the competitiveness of the gay scene and offering respite from social anxiety.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
The Village: Podcast by CBC Listen (2019-2025). The Village investigates unresolved — and often underreported — cases of missing and murdered individuals in queer communities across Canada and beyond.
Unlimited intimacy: Reflections on the subculture of barebacking: Book by Dean, T. (2009). University of Chicago Press.
The four reasons we love meth: Article by Fox, L. (2021, June 29). Medium.
21. YUL Heritage-Pt. 1 — Hey Hugues & Jean-Sébastien
2026/04/24
Montreal Host Éric introduces Hugues and Jean-Sébastien to discuss the intersections of queer history, community, sex and substance use. Hugues, a researcher of queer spaces, shares his experience in PnP culture viewed through a lens of strict moderation. Jean-Sébastien, founder of "Ça prend un village," discusses his transition from addiction to recovery advocacy, highlighting the power of real stories to counter fear-based narratives.
The group explores the link between HIV diagnosis and chemsex, with Hugues revealing how he once saw crystal meth as a potential "exit strategy." Jean-Sébastien echoes this, describing using drugs to navigate downfall on his own terms. Together, they unpack the history of "poz circles" as a sanctuary for sexuality free from stigma, ultimately finding that community connection.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
Ça prend un village (It Takes A Village): 4 testimonials from people who share their personal stories and explain how they came to build their own crystal meth recovery village. FOR guys in recovery, made BY guys in recovery. (In French only)
Relation toxique : portraits d’une dépendance (Toxic relationship: portraits of addiction): This podcast delves into the experiences of a dependent person. With testimonials from Mélanie, Jean-Sébastien, and Christian, this podcast dissects the stages of this ecstatic and devastating relationship. (In French only)
PLDI : The Positive Leadership Development Institute: Organization that offers people living with HIV an opportunity to identify and develop their leadership and resilience skills in a safe environment by and for PLHIV.
20. YUL Creativity-Pt. 4 — Body-ody-ody!
2026/04/17
Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the body’s role in addiction and recovery. Éric shares how traditional 12-step programs failed him until he embraced drug use as a somatic experience rather than just a mental one. This shift transformed his creative process, allowing him to write from bodily intuition and move beyond past darkness.
The group also discusses sexual intimacy after chemsex, critiquing recovery services that prescribe celibacy without guidance on reclaiming pleasure. They highlight a "somatic training" pilot project where participants explore sensation without performance pressure to re-map physical connection. The episode concludes by advocating for compassion and curiosity over fear-based drug education.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
19. YUL Creativity-Pt. 3 — The Trauma Llama
2026/04/17
Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the tension between suffering and pleasure in chemsex, challenging the narrative that addiction stems solely from pain. They reflect on how substance use initially served as an "antidote" to perfectionism and trauma before spiraling into shame and isolation.
The group discusses art's role in processing these experiences; Gabriel shares how his "DEAR VICKY" collection mourns his life before HIV while pivoting toward hope. Mikiki emphasizes curiosity over judgment and the value of humor. The episode concludes by urging listeners to embrace creative expression as a vital means of connection and survival.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
18. YUL Creativity-Pt. 2 — Hey Mikiki
2026/04/17
Montreal host Éric introduces performance artist Mikiki, whose journey from "baby anarchist" to queer health activist informs their provocative work. Mikiki discusses video as an anti-market medium for activism and how complex PTSD led them to prioritize art over traditional employment.
They explore Mikiki’s video "Red Flags: A Love Letter," which reframes injection drug use through a neutral or positive lens. The conversation captures the communal reality of chemsex and the underground’s "glamour," framing creative expression as a survival strategy while navigating substance use.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
Browse Mikiki's work:
Mikiki's website
Mikiki's "Red Flags: A Love Letter" for Visual AIDS
Untitled (00.002): Performance documentation on grief and loss
00.002 projection: Multi-channel video component from the performance:
Behind-the-scenes of "Red Flags: A Love Letter" work: Instagram Reel
17. YUL Creativity-Pt. 1 — Hey Gabriel
2026/04/17
Montreal host Éric introduces Gabriel, a fashion designer who transforms trauma into cathartic art. They discuss his graduate collection, "SØRRY MØM," which uses a flood metaphor to depict recovery from crystal meth. The designs progress from dark, suffocating silhouettes representing the "deep end" to lighter tones symbolizing the imperfect nature of healing.
They also explore "HONEYCUM," which uses bee symbolism to address his HIV diagnosis. Gabriel reflects on the emotional intensity of sharing such vulnerable work on the runway, highlighting how creative expression serves as a vital tool for processing shame and finding purpose amidst struggle.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
Browse Gabriel's Work:
Gabriel's Linktree
"SØRRY MØM" Collection
"DEAR VICKY" Collection
16. YUL Solidarity-Pt.2 — Montreal PnP Community
2026/04/10
Éric and Olivier discuss Montreal's unique party landscape, where "progressive" vibes and 24/7 bathhouses foster an openness to substance use. Éric critiques the city’s fragile support systems, highlighting a reliance on short-term funding rather than a permanent strategy for long-term recovery.
Looking ahead, Éric previews upcoming panels on art and advocacy while candidly discussing the difficulty of finding trans and gender-diverse guests. He links this challenge to his own journey, revealing how recovery helped him embrace his non-binary identity after years of using drugs to escape rigid gender standards. The episode concludes with a call to move from fear toward compassion and action.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
🔗 Other Resources Mentioned
REZO: A Montreal-based community organization offering health and wellness services to gay, bisexual, cis, and trans men.
CMA (Crystal Meth Anonymous): Mentioned as a traditional 12-step recovery resource.
CMA Montreal: Crystal Meth Anonymous Montreal
CRDM: Centre de réadaptation en dépendance de Montréal
15. YUL Solidarity-Pt.1 — Hey Eric
2026/04/10
Olivier introduces Éric, a playwright and community advocate prominent in Montreal’s chemsex scene. Éric explains how his play, “Ces regards amoureux de garçons altérés”, captures the raw intensity of a 72-hour sauna session. Writing while active allowed him to portray the experience's complexity—not just the struggle, but the pleasure and the search for connection.
Éric also reflects on his decade-long journey to sobriety, viewing chemsex less as a problem and more as a "solution" to underlying issues at the time. He emphasizes that his past forced him to confront his truth, ultimately allowing him to be fully present for others today.
If you’re looking for support, please explore our list of Chemsex resources/services.
14. YUL Prelude — Why It’s important, Montreal
2026/04/10
The inaugural YUL Montreal episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? Principal investigator Olivier Ferlatte poses this to host Éric, who then gathers reflections from guests Hugues, Jean-Sébastien, Mikiki, Gabriel, Michael, and Ally.
Together, they illustrate why no single narrative can capture the complexity of chemsex. This conversation explores unfiltered storytelling, the politics of voice, and how representation challenges stigma. As a prelude to the season, it underscores how personal stories foster understanding, connection, and community.
If you’re looking for support related to chemsex, please check the list of available resources and services on the page: Chemsex resources/services.
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