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In Episode 13 of CapacityConvos, RaQuel Hopkins sits down with Sasha Ayad, a licensed professional counselor who has spent the last 10 years working with young people and families navigating gender identity and gender dysphoria. Sasha has worked with more than 1,100 families and previously hosted the podcast Gender: A Wider Lens, where she interviewed clinicians, whistleblowers, and people directly impacted by the gender affirming care model. Together, RaQuel and Sasha explore how gender affirming care moved from a relatively niche clinical approach to a widely adopted model and why Sasha believes clinical curiosity can sometimes get lost in the process. They discuss the difference between validating someone's experience and agreeing with their interpretation of it, the challenges of applying a standardized approach to complex mental health cases, and what can happen when children, parents, clinicians, and institutions have different understandings of what care should look like. At the center of the conversation is a larger question about therapy itself: Can a therapist fully validate what someone is experiencing while still remaining curious about what may be underneath it? In this episode, you'll hear: • How Sasha began noticing patterns among gender questioning students while working as a middle school counselor • Why gender affirming care is not one single model and how approaches can differ across clinics and schools • The distinction Sasha makes between validating a client's experience and agreeing with their conclusions • What clinicians and whistleblowers from gender clinics have reported about pressure to affirm • Why Sasha views the parent child relationship as an important protective factor for young people experiencing distress • How debates around conversion therapy intersect with questions about clinical exploration and curiosity Quotable: "If we take everything at a surface level and we affirm the client, but we don't use that affirmation as a starting point for further understanding, we risk confirming the story that our client is telling themselves." — Sasha Ayad Connect with Sasha: A Therapist's Reflections on Gender In A Polarized World on Substack Sasha Ayad's Substack Therapy First on Instagram @therapyfirstorg Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 12 features Rogerrick Jones in a candid conversation on masculinity, vulnerability, safe spaces, and what men actually need. Rogerrick, a clinical psychologist and addictions counselor, shares the thinking behind his viral “Men Don’t Need Safe Spaces” video and what he was actually trying to communicate. Together, RaQuel and Rogerrick explore the difference between safe spaces and brave spaces, why safety alone does not necessarily build resilience, and what genuine vulnerability looks like beyond social media. The conversation goes deeper into masculinity, responsibility, discipline, faith, and the role of play in men’s lives. They also discuss mental health within the Black community, including resilience, stigma, generational trauma, grief, and breaking cycles of silence. Rogerrick also brings his experience in addiction and behavioral health into a conversation about cannabis, psychosis risk, and why genetic predisposition deserves greater attention when discussing substance use and mental health. This episode challenges some of the ways we have come to think about vulnerability and emotional expression in men. It asks a bigger question: Are we simply creating spaces where men feel safe, or are we creating spaces where they can actually grow? What we cover: • Why Rogerrick’s “Men Don’t Need Safe Spaces” video went viral and what he meant • The difference between safe spaces and brave spaces • Why safety alone does not necessarily build resilience • Real vulnerability versus performative emotion on social media • What it means to be a man through faith, responsibility, discipline, and play • Cannabis, psychosis risk, and genetic predisposition • Mental health and culture in the Black community • Resilience, stigma, and generational trauma • Grief, family, and breaking cycles of silence • Rogerrick’s doctoral research and the future of his work Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 11 features Naomi Pilula in a candid conversation on going viral, self acceptance, and the role of faith in shaping identity. What happens when a simple selfie gets 20 million views for all the wrong reasons? Naomi shares her experience of going viral overnight and how a moment that could have been defined by public criticism became an invitation to look inward. From navigating negative comments to confronting deeper questions about identity, worth, and responsibility, this conversation explores what it looks like to remain grounded when the world is watching. Together, we examine the difference between external validation and internal clarity, the impact of unhealed wounds when they are exposed publicly, and how faith can serve as a foundation for self acceptance. Naomi reflects on the shift from reacting to perception to defining herself on her own terms. This episode challenges the idea that self worth is something given by others. It calls you into a deeper understanding of responsibility, identity, and the work required to truly accept yourself. What we cover: • Naomi’s experience going viral and navigating public criticism • The emotional impact of negative comments and exposure • How unhealed wounds surface under pressure • The difference between external validation and self definition • The role of faith in shaping identity and self acceptance • Moving from “I can’t” to “I don’t want to” • What responsibility really looks like in practice • Why loving yourself is not dependent on others • Defining yourself beyond public perception • Finding clarity and stability in the midst of attention Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 10 features Dr. Sumi in a candid conversation on personal responsibility, systemic awareness, and where clinicians draw the line. Dr. Sumi shares her perspective on how systems oriented therapy is often misunderstood, and what it actually looks like in practice. From exploring the role of context in shaping identity to unpacking how clinicians can hold both individual responsibility and systemic awareness, this conversation challenges the way these ideas are commonly presented, especially on social media. Together, we examine the tension between validation and agency, the importance of the therapeutic relationship, and how clinicians can create environments where clients feel both safe and empowered. This episode also highlights the risks of over identifying with either personal responsibility or systemic explanations, and what it takes to navigate both with clarity and discernment. This conversation challenges the idea that therapy should lean entirely in one direction. It calls you into a more balanced understanding, one that prioritizes nuance, responsibility, and the ability to ask better questions rather than make assumptions. What we cover: • The difference between systems oriented therapy and common misconceptions • The role of the biopsychosocial model in effective clinical work • Why the therapeutic relationship is the strongest predictor of growth • How identity can create safety without becoming a mandate • The tension between personal responsibility and systemic awareness • Risks of reinforcing victimhood versus building agency • Reframing experiences to reduce shame and increase clarity • Dr. Sumi’s framework for growth meaning, connection, and joy • Why joy is often overlooked but essential in healing • The importance of applying therapy outside the session • Social media’s influence on mental health narratives • Professional responsibility in communicating nuance and hope Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 9 features Joe Nucci, licensed psychotherapist and author of Psychobabble, in a candid conversation on mental health myths, emotional intimacy, and reclaiming the language of healing. Joe shares his perspective on how modern mental health discourse has become overused, misunderstood, and in some cases counterproductive. From questioning the idea that “everyone has trauma” to unpacking how commonly used terms like “boundaries” have lost their meaning, this conversation challenges what many have come to accept as truth. Together, we explore the impact of language on identity, the role of therapy in personal growth, and how certain approaches may unintentionally reinforce anxiety and disconnection. RaQuel also reflects on her own evolution as a clinician, including shifting her views on medication and introducing her framework of self-inclusion as an alternative to extremes. This conversation challenges the idea that more awareness always leads to more healing. It calls you into a clearer, more grounded understanding of mental health one that prioritizes discernment, responsibility, and emotional honesty. What we cover: • Common mental health myths and why they persist • Questioning the idea that “everyone has trauma” • How the meaning of “boundaries” has been diluted • The role of therapy and whether it’s always necessary • When therapeutic approaches may reinforce anxiety • The impact of language on identity and self-perception • Emotional intimacy and its role in healing • RaQuel’s evolution as a clinician and views on medication • The concept of self-inclusion versus self-protection • Reclaiming clarity and responsibility in mental health Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 8 features Kendall L. Williams, founder of the Mom’s True Tea platform, in a powerful conversation on estrangement, motherhood, identity, and the courage to set boundaries. Kendall shares her personal journey of becoming a mother at 17 and raising her sons largely on her own, without a co-parent or consistent support system. She opens up about the difficult decision to go no contact with her adult son after years of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, and what it has meant to protect herself while still honoring her role as a mother. From there, we explore what strength really looks like, especially for women who have been conditioned to endure silently. Together, we unpack the tension between love and accountability, the importance of self-protection, and the process of reclaiming your identity beyond the role of motherhood. This conversation challenges the idea that motherhood requires self-abandonment. It calls you into a more honest understanding of strength one that includes rest, boundaries, and the willingness to choose yourself even when it is difficult. What we cover: • Kendall’s journey into motherhood and raising children without a village • The decision to go no contact and navigating estrangement • Redefining strength as rest, self-protection, and walking away when necessary • Growing up in environments shaped by addiction and abuse • Losing and rediscovering identity beyond motherhood • Shifting from being everything to being a consultant to adult children • Accountability on both sides parents and adult children • The impact of labeling and redefining what trauma means • Protecting your peace without guilt • Reclaiming your identity and moving forward with or without reconciliation Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 7 features Dr. Kristin Neff, pioneering researcher and author, in a powerful conversation on self-compassion, shame, and the deeper work required for real emotional change. Dr. Neff shares insights from over 20 years of research, breaking down what self-compassion actually is and why it goes far beyond positive self-talk or affirmations. She explains the three essential components of self-compassion and why missing even one can prevent true healing and growth. From there, we explore how the nervous system shapes our responses, the hidden role of shame in anxiety and depression, and why learning to stay present with our pain is necessary for transformation. This episode invites a more honest, grounded approach to growth one that requires awareness, courage, and responsibility. This conversation challenges the idea that being hard on yourself leads to success. It calls you into a deeper understanding of self-compassion one that includes accountability, boundaries, and the willingness to face what you would rather avoid. What we cover:  • The three components of self-compassion: mindfulness, kindness, and common      humanity  • Why self-criticism is not an effective long-term motivator  • The difference between self-esteem and self-compassion  • How shame fuels anxiety, depression, and people-pleasing  • The role of the nervous system in emotional regulation  • Fierce self-compassion and setting boundaries  • Learning to stay present with pain instead of avoiding it  • Personal stories from Dr. Neff including her experience raising her son  • Authenticity and the courage to face what we would rather avoid Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 6 features Brenda in a powerful conversation on faith, obedience, identity, and the tension between spiritual surrender and modern mental health culture. Brenda shares the heart behind her book The Journey of Yes, framing life as a continuous decision to say yes to God. She reflects on her faith journey beginning at a young age, navigating seasons of obedience, distance, and return, and what it has meant to trust God through uncertainty and transition. From there, we explore the balance between God and therapy, the subtle ways idolatry shows up in everyday life, and the challenge of letting go of identities, roles, and systems that compete with full surrender. This episode invites a deeper level of self awareness, discipline, and submission especially in seasons that feel unclear or uncomfortable. This conversation challenges the idea that anything outside of God can define or sustain you. It calls you into alignment, ownership, and obedience even when it means releasing what once felt secure. What we cover: • Saying yes to God and the foundation of The Journey of Yes • Brenda’s faith journey through seasons of obedience, distance, and return • God and therapy and understanding both as tools, not saviors • The danger of idolizing mental health professionals and avoiding responsibility • Idolatry in everyday life including food, identity, and external roles • Letting go of coping mechanisms formed in difficult seasons • The Divine Nine, legacy, and questioning deeper spiritual roots • Church as a foundation for identity, community, and accountability • Navigating seasons of waiting, stillness, and transition • Releasing past identities and submitting to what God is doing now Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 5 features independent historian and filmmaker Chad Jackson in a bold conversation on responsibility, mental health, faith, and rethinking history. Chad shares his journey from blue collar beginnings to building a successful plumbing business and media platform, rooted in a commitment to obedience over approval. From there, we explore the tension between personal agency and a culture increasingly shaped by dependency, expert authority, and external validation. This episode challenges the idea that systems, labels, or past circumstances should define your trajectory and instead calls you into ownership, critical thinking, and truth seeking even when it is uncomfortable. What we cover:  • Obedience, calling, and the cost of telling hard truths  • Mental health through the lens of personal responsibility and spiritual grounding  • The limits of therapy without ownership and faith  • Statism, expert dependency, and the erosion of individual responsibility  • Why freedom requires responsibility  • Homeschooling and cultivating independent thinkers  • Civic responsibility and keeping politics in its proper place  • A different perspective on the Civil Rights era and federal expansion  • The leadership of Dr. Joseph H. Jackson and Booker T. Washington  • Moving beyond victim identity into personal ownership Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Episode 4 features psychologist Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Rise Above, in a powerful conversation on resilience, victimhood, self actualization, and personal growth. Dr. Kaufman shares his early experience being placed in special education due to an auditory processing disability and the self advocacy that helped him challenge limiting narratives about his potential. From there, we explore the psychology of vulnerability, survival mode, identity, and what it truly means to rise above adversity without denying pain. This episode challenges the idea that suffering should define you and instead offers a framework for integrating hardship while continuing to grow. What we cover: • The impact of early labels and self advocacy  • Healthy vulnerability versus vulnerable narcissism  • How trigger warnings and framing shape anxiety and perception  • Suppression versus avoidance and values based action through ACT  • Moving beyond survival mode  • Individual and collective victimhood traits  • Wounded healers versus dark empaths  • The psychology of authenticity and its impact  • Self verification theory and reinforcing identity  • Empowering youth toward future focused meaning and self actualization Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

Ashley shares her 20 plus year journey living with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder after her first panic attack at nineteen. What began as a diagnosis slowly became an identity, leading her to question who she was if she could not trust her own brain. In this conversation, we unpack the difference between labels and lived experience, the quiet ways anxiety reshapes life choices, and how to reclaim agency without forcing yourself into extremes to prove you are capable. Ashley also shares the practical tools that help her manage anxiety and why acceptance, community, and responsibility matter more than appearances. What we cover:  • When a diagnosis becomes your identity  • The danger of romanticizing mental health labels  • Anxiety beyond “I cannot do crowds”  • The lose lose cycle of over proving yourself  • Separating true preferences from anxiety driven avoidance  • Tools that help including MBSR, CBT, EMDR, grounding and breathwork  • The truth about “high functioning” anxiety  • Medication as one tool within a larger plan  • Launching anxious.outloud to reduce isolation and add humor Connect: Follow Ashley at @anxious.outloud Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

A powerful conversation with Kelly about capacity, agency, and choosing life in the face of uncertainty. She shares her rare ampullary cancer diagnosis, how she self advocated across hospitals, and why she declined chemo to pursue a clinical trial. We dive into self trust during a major career transition to a federal executive role, finding the right support system at work and at home, and redefining relationships and priorities. Kelly reflects on preparing for death while fully choosing to live through travel, joy, and perspective, anchored by the mantra : you cannot wait until life is not hard before you choose to be happy. What we cover : How to listen to your intuition when the stakes are high Navigating medical decisions with clarity ownership and self trust Balancing ambition health and identity during major life shifts Letting go of roles relationships and expectations that no longer fit Choosing presence joy and meaning without waiting for life to get easier Why you’ll love Kelly: She embodies self-trust under pressure She models what it means to build capacity in real life, not theory She reminds us you don’t wait for life to get easier before you choose to be happy Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos

In the premiere episode of CapacityConvos, therapist and capacity expert RaQuel sits down with her very first guest, her dad, for a raw, funny, and deeply human conversation about mental health, faith, family, and what it really means to have capacity. Together, they explore the difference between mental health and mental illness, generational beliefs about therapy and discipline, growing up with limited resources, the role of church and hope, surviving dark seasons, and the importance of giving people their flowers while they are still here. RaQuel’s dad shares openly about his own mental health struggles, the resilience that carried him through, and what makes him most proud of his daughter today. This conversation is honest, reflective, and grounding, offering perspective across generations while reminding us that capacity is not about perfection but about persistence, support, and hope. What we cover : Mental health vs mental illness and challenging the idea that medication is the only answer Growing up with scarcity, faith, and the power of hope Candid discussion of suicidal thoughts and choosing to keep going Parenting, identity, and being more than one role Public criticism, empathy, and telling hard truths with love Legacy, gratitude, and giving people their flowers now Guest RaQuel’s dad Veteran, straight shooter, and devoted to family, faith, and honesty Content note This episode includes candid discussion of suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. In the United States, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. For other countries, please check local resources. Follow RaQuel on Instagram: @raquel_the_capacity_expert Subscribe on YouTube: @capacityconvos Join The Capacity Letter: The Capacity Letter  Subscribe, rate, and share CapacityConvos