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Before we can even get to Jocktober, Brian is cursing the equipment and swearing he’s going to replace everything before next year. But then we get down to business: 99.5 FM’s “Smiley in the Morning,” from Indianapolis. Co-host Nikki has a celebrity gossip segment that eventually gets into the Tom Cruise movie Digger. Neil Young says it’s one of the best movies he’s ever seen, like that’s some kind of recommendation. Brian likes Olivia Colman. If the “gossip” segment wasn’t bad enough, we move on to Passwprd, where callers go through all that trouble for tickets to a s****y touring show. Ayds Reducing Plan Candy. “A gooey substance all the kids are obsessed with right now.” Yeesh. We’re two guys who believe that old men who let themselves be drugged and have their expensive things stolen deserve it. Are there any Ben Franklin five and dimes left? Brian thinks he found a new show open. Brian’s doctor said he has to lose weight. Jeff says Lemon is working on a Loo Canon impression. Brian thinks Milwaukee is going to win the World Series in four or five games.

Last week we urbaned it up for Jocktober, so this week we bring you Fargo, North Dakota’s “The Morning Playhouse,” quite possibly the whitest show in morning radio history. While we’re at it, is there anything funnier than that dummy getting killed by the tiger? The Playhouse has a word of the day that ends up being several words. The Playhouse also has a relationship advise segment, which is a tall order for a show that can’t get a decent “word of the day” segment together. Brian went to a wedding last Saturday, and was out of there in 50 minutes. Introducing Count Diculous, and the TGO Radio graveyard of failed and forgotten characters (Evil Ron Reagan, Tricky Dick). Joke Abortion: Brian forgets the rules of improv and murders Jeff’s joke in the womb. And finally, the Playhouse’s Phone Scam, which is only passably a phone call and definitely not a scam. Captain Whiskey Dick’s relationship advice. Jeff demands the show move away from Jocktober, so we talk about a Baltimore paramedic who was sentenced for dropping loads on his co-worker’s food / pissing in the ice machine. The Loo Canon phone scam. More new characters? How about Jerkoff Jim and Vic Dumb, the crime reporter.

Be sure to secure the Waffle Houses, because Jocktober is getting urban this week, as we visit Boston’s “The GetUp Crew.” It’s a dynamic completely unknown in the radio world, where they have a regular guy, a probably wacky sports guy, and a hole to keep them in line. You won’t believe it. Like last week’s show, and maybe a million other shows across the country, The GetUp Crew has a “Second Date Update” segment. This one might even be real (wink). As the male half of the pretend couple answers the phone, Brian loses patience with this bit’s fakeness, and calls the host a “sellout punk bitch” for laughing at the guy. In the space of sixty seconds, Brian tells two of his best jokes, and he's exceedingly proud of them. Brian confesses that when he saw that girl a few months ago, he left his debit card at home and texted his son the address, "just in case." But he would go back. Eva Marie Saint died, and the Dead Pool remains tied at 3. The boys recount the Great P***y Crash of 1931. A low IQ 23-year-old woman strolled into a high school, pretended she was a substitute teacher, then started yelling at and insulting the kids. The boys have had it with these local news reporters and their gay Top Gun mustaches.

Brian has talked about doing it for almost the whole life of this show, and this year we’re finally doing it: Jocktober. It was an Opie and Anthony tradition where they analyzed bad radio from across the country, and it’s finally made its way down to us. Here are some highlights to entice you to listen: This week we’re listening to Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Brian runs down their cast bios; one of them inexplicably won a Marconi award. The third mic is named Jose, and he’s “wacky.” The callers definitely aren’t fake. Jose has a great laugh and he’s always on mic. (Is this opposite stuff working for you?) Brian introduces Jeff to felching and explains what “the hole” does on these radio shows. Brian’s theory on the Cornell case, and why he had to do a deep dive on it. They call “Erica,” and our Jeff tries to get into the spirit of the phone gimmick. The flamethrower chicken strip basket leads to flamethrower dumps. Old Fred Durst did it all for the bran. Fartin’ and felchin’.

This week’s show opens with a story about a man who basically pepper sprayed an entire row of people in a movie theater, and continues with: Brian recalls the story of the writer who yanked some stranger’s phone out of their hand and threw it away. The boys went to see Baby Metal in Michigan. A mention of Skid Row leads the boys into a discussion of butt rock bands, Betty Boop, and Olive Oyl. Brian took notes on the trip, such as Jeff tried to kill them, they saw a bald, midgie Dave Mustaine in line, Brian was never happier to be a man than at this show, and more. Carrot Top attempted suicide, and Brian has a theory, b/w Barry Bonds steroid head. Baseball playoff talk. The Feel Good Story of the Week: A woman fell into an old tank in her yard, and was rescued. The show’s first Lindsay Clancy reference, b/w Susan Smith and woman hormones. A woman woke up to find a bat trying to get into her mouth, and introducing Cos the Bat. An old woman admitted to killing her husband in March. Brian tells the classic (?) Four Below story. Next week, we’re going to try Jocktober for the first time.

Brevard County’s 2025 Deputy of the Year has pictures of himself giving a Nazi salute and wearing a Hitler mustache, and that’s not even close to the worst shit he did. Also: If you were a girl raised without a Dad who loved you, you do what that deputy’s ex-girlfriend agreed to do sexually. Yeesh. The boys reflect on Inglourious Basterds and … Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Spiro Agnew resigned the vice presidency in disgrace, and Frank Sinatra lent him money. Levon Helm and Robbie Robertson The boys are going to see Baby Metal. Someone drove a car through a cemetery, Brian tells the same joke six times, and loves it. Brian has decided what he wants on his tombstone. The “Wheel of Fortune” announcer was fired because he likes kids. And we mean, likes kids. The Anthony Cumia and Jim Norton Show theme is funny. A mobile home dweller flung shit at another trailer park dweller. Brian says Idiocracy didn’t happen in the last 5 years, and as proof, there’s such a thing as the Straw Hat Riot of 1922. The Zoot Suit Riots, and Brian wants Lemon to cover “Down” by 311, except call it “Downs.”

A “disruptive passenger” was duct taped to his seat after dropping N-bombs and “lashing out” at staff – wouldn’t you know, the boys think he should have been thrown out. Not to mention: TGO Radio finally watches the video of the guy in the paper Burger King crown for the first time. When Brian is Dictator, people who act up on airplanes will be immediately executed. Brian: “They’re going to have Mamdani at the 9/11 ceremony, so he can mourn the 19 people he lost.” Jeff’s got jokes and has a very gay playlist, b/w Olivia Newton John. Quaaludes are coming back, b/w a video of a guy talking about how much he loved ‘ludes in the old days. The Dark Web is useless to a guy like Brian, because he can’t find videos of monkeys and kids having knife fights. Update: Mark Sanchez will be working at a Chipotle in two years. Update: Tiger Woods is still a pill head idiot. Update: Forever a Cowboy, Tony Romo blames back injuries for being a drunken buffoon. Remember when Mel Gibson called that cop “sugar t**s”? Jeff’s sneeze miscarriage. Revisiting Magic Johnson’s disaster or a talk show by watching a clip with comedian Craig Shoemaker. We haven’t played Jay Mohr’s Clint Eastwood story for a bit.

We’re proud (?) to present a Video Store this week, watching season two episode two of the “reality” show Jay and Pamela. It follows Jay and Pamela, who have brittle bone disease and have to go around in motorized wheelchairs, as they and their Central Casting friends prepare for Jay’s 30th surprise birthday celebration. Also covered: The King drops by to discuss midgie puss; the upshot is unsurprising. Jay is saying anything, up to and including dropping the baby card, to get some ass. Prop dog! Brian has banged one girl worse looking than Pamela. Jay’s dad is enough of a hack to be a third mic on this show. Is Jay a tranny?! Pamela and her best friend inexplicably go to get their pussies waxed. Brian explains the “no no square” to Jeff. Jeff hates kids, but had four of them. At some point in his life, Brian decided “I don’t have to listen to you” is the funniest thing a drunk person could say. Brian has whatever the opposite of a hard-on is called. Yup, Jay is a tranny. If Jay falls off the motorcycle game, Brian’s going to church. “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones.

49ers owner Jed York proves you’re never too wealthy to go slumming for p***y. Or, as Jeff says, you’re never so wealthy that you can’t eat at McDonald;s. Also this week: The Cos and Lemon pop up at the same time, creating the TGO Multiverse. Are we doing anything on Election Night? Topol, the smoker’s tooth polish. Brian hit the wall at work, b/w driving in a circle doesn’t impress Jeff. Jeff has guys. Brian used to have guys. Should we record a show on the way to the concert, b/w davenports and chesterfields. A French tourist died in Death Valley. Three thirteen-year-old boys are facing charges for throwing dodge balls at a girl. Are we taking a class field trip to the Chris Hansen movie? Brian’s algorithm. During the dodge ball discussion, the boys come up with an idea of cigars for black dads. The Target black Halloween costume was a real problem. Costco doesn’t want poors in their stores, and you can pay more to not be around them.

This week’s show is completely off the rails (in a fun way), starting with a bear breaking into a woman’s home to steal her leftover KFC, and continuing with: Gangs, Teams, bear experts, and broskis. Brian could never have been a gay. In an unheard of series of events, the boys had lunch together and are going to a concert next month. Godsmack discussion, b/w local rock radio loved Godsmack and Local H in the mid-90s. Brian introduces Jeff to the Hays Code, b/w Faye Wray’s hard nipples. Local news is introduced to gooning; women are being attacked at Dollar General stores. The military clearly isn’t giving IQ tests. Randy Savage, candy cameras, tinfoil lenses, and Five Below. You’ll never guess why traffic was shut down in DC for two hours. Go on, guess. You’ll never guess.