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Is there anyone doing Awareness? Is anyone doing the being aware? Is anyone doing Presence or Aliveness? Investigate and see: You already are aware. Awareness is always already there. It comes first, and it just is, uncaused. There are no conditions for it to appear. Check this in first-person experience. There is no you separate from Presence. You are the Awareness, the Aliveness, already. Aware Presence is effortless and uncaused. It’s important to see that this is not a personal awareness. There is no one there to own it! Body minds don’t have private awarenesses. It’s one spontaneous, alive, all-encompassing Awareness. The Aliveness is already there. Body-minds appear within it. It’s also impossible to be more aware. There’s no you to do Awareness, so there’s no you to be more or less aware. Awareness is You. What if you completely forgot about the self? If the sense of a me is completely ignored, is the expression of life any different? Forget yourself, lose yourself, lose the doer. Does anything change? Are you really a somebody if life carries on exactly as before, when there is no thinking about a someone? Just as no one does Awareness, no one does inquiry. No one makes an interest in nonduality or inquiry happen. Inquiry does itself. It’s spontaneous. So if a long time passes without inquiry or progress, it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. That’s just how it’s naturally unfolding. — one of the 33 inquiries from my book Seeing No-Self: Essential Questions to Reveal Our Nondual Nature. More about this book: katoudheusden.com/seeingnoself This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

It is not this body and mind combination that gets anything, or understands anything, or realizes anything, or expands into something, or loses itself, or whatever. This, as all of This, recognizes itself. For whatever reason, which I don’t know why or how, that belief in separation and contraction loosens. It’s seen not to be the case. So even while the mind tries to understand, and this mind tries to put it into words and all this stuff, it’s already the case. And the analyzing and the trying to change and all of that is appearing as This. The searching, the inquiring, the questioning, the frustration, the getting it, the not getting it — all of that is appearing as This. And it’s just at a certain point it becomes more obvious than not — it’s not proven but it just becomes more obvious — that there is no actual separation. There is no actual separate entity in this. In these appearances that we call human, that’s how it seems to appear, that these bodyminds have this selfing mechanism primed for selfing, and then culture selfs the selfing even more, until we’re such a knot of selfing that we can no longer even consider the idea that we’re not. And then the bodymind reads things, hears things, watches YouTube videos, hears other bodyminds saying that there’s maybe not a separate self. And for whatever reason, which again, I don’t know why, the only thing I know is that it is possible to look at this right now — even under the very strong conviction that I am a separate self — and to see the gaping holes in that hypothesis. Just to see from the direct looking, that the idea, the belief that I am a separate someone with control and agency housed inside this bodymind, does not hold up to investigation. And that doesn’t prove that it’s not true. If it were true, it’s a huge problem that I can poke all these holes in that so easily, don’t you think? We keep pretending the separate self is a given and anyone talking about nonduality has to prove that it’s not. But if you can poke these big holes, if you can even poke one hole, we’re in trouble. You shouldn’t be able to poke any holes into the separate self if it’s real. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

I titled my book Seeing No-Self, but I could just as well have titled it Seeing the Self. When it’s seen that identification as a limited, separate self is an innocent, learned misunderstanding, it’s also clear that there is only Self. And when it’s seen that what I am is unlimited, unconditioned Self, then it’s also clear that there is no possibility of a separate self apart from that. It’s like the Yin and the Yang of the same realization. But none of this means removing, deleting, denying, or getting rid of the personal self experience. When you realize there’s no actual oasis in the desert, that what you’re seeing is only a convincing illusion created by certain conditions, the experience of an oasis continues. It doesn’t disappear or change but now you know the truth of it. When you see that the experience of being a separate person with agency and control is a convincing illusion created by certain conditions, the separate self experience continues. Only now it’s clear that it’s not my identity. The belief that this life is owned by a “me” who needs to manage it, who is at stake here and must constantly strive to get it right, and suffers because of it — this is the equivalent of believing that illusory oasis in the desert is really there. Seeing an illusion for what it is, is enough. The natural, effortless consequence of that is the end of belief in the illusion. It can no longer convince although it is still experienced. But who sees all this? Not the illusion, not the apparent separate self. This realization is not for the person, just as no one can drink from a well in an illusory oasis. The supposed personal self can’t see no-self and never does. But this aware presence, aware as this experience right now, can be seen to be not-a-self. It can be seen to be YOU: the Self. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

Look out at the world as though you were newly born into it. Imagine you just arrived here and everything is completely new to you. Not only is everything new, you do not know any language yet. You are pre-verbal. You have no name for anything that you see, hear, touch, or smell. There are no words for what you experience. Notice how, without language, everything goes quiet. You are freshly here, newly born, so you also have no memories, nor the capacity to imagine anything beyond current experience. Notice this gigantic, wordless display of sights, sounds, and smells; the raw, nameless perceptions and sensations. Thoughts will still come up, of course. Ignore them as best you can. Let all the talk and narration in your head be without listening to it. There’s no need to try to lessen thought or quiet the mind. Just go back to our experiment here, where you have no language yet, there are no words. Continue to come back to the shiny newness and inexplicable, unnamable reality of your experience. Where, in all of this, is there a “you?” Is there an “I” doing the seeing? Is it the “me” that is hearing, smelling, touching? Isn’t everything just appearing? Without language, without any thinking, is there a you here? Try to look again but not as a person looking — simply sights, sounds, sensations appearing. Listening happening, seeing happening, for no one. Where are you, the person with your name? — Adapted from my book Selfless Leadership: A Complete Guide to Awakening the Servant Leader Within, 2022. The book explores how nondual recognition translates into effortless, selfless service. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

If you expect inquiry to prove something, you’re going to be disappointed. Let me show you with the example of inquiry into the belief that I am in a body. Have a look right now. Slowly scan up and down what you believe to be your body. Take your time for this. Look all over. All you notice is a variety of sensations and perceptions. Pressure, warmth, tension, coolness, tingling, vibration, and the visual impressions of whatever you’re seeing: colors and shapes. Auditory impressions too, like the sound of air in the nostrils. But you don’t ever find a thing called “body.” We find perceptions. We mentally add the thought “body” to these impressions. In direct inquiry, no body is found. Of course, “body” continues to exist as a concept — a super useful word to communicate, but not a thing in itself. It’s a useful mental representation, a handy mental map. If you don’t inquire directly but only think about it, you don’t notice direct experience, but only look to your learned, internalized map OF experience. You never explore the actual territory. You may think about what the body really is. You may think about whether there is ever a direct experience of the body. You may think about possible sensations, the idea of exploring the territory, but you never leave the map. And if you expect inquiry to prove that there is no body, you expect proof to show up on that mental map! That’s like a hiker saying there’s no proof of a river here because it’s not drawn on the map they’re holding, while they’re standing in the middle of it! If you’re open to noticing what’s actually present beyond the map of conditioned concepts you’ve internalized, then the insight can occur that there is no body in direct experience. There’s a body on the map but not in the actual territory. And then the insight may naturally occur: How can I be living inside something that only exists as a thought? (And this is never denying that there are very real sensations! It’s not denying experience at all, only our learned representation of that experience.) We believe that proof of reality must mentally makes sense to us, it needs to make sense on our map. But what we’re noticing is not even on the map! Inquiry is noticing the territory of what actually is. It won’t make sense to the mind because the mind is stuck in the map. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

If I would have a mystical experience, mystical experience of dissolution of I, after it’s ended, the I comes in and says, it happened to me. It’s like a failure. It’s like, okay, I had this mystical opening. The I says, oh, look, it was my experience. And then the next assessment is, I failed, the separate self is alive. Maybe there is a lot of thinking now. The separate self is alive and kicking. So what is aware of that right now? The awareness is always aware. Now that you put my attention to it. Okay. But did you need to put your attention on it for it to be there? Or is it just there? It is just there, but somehow your pointing made me notice it. Okay, sure. But whenever you notice it’s there, yeah? Yes. Yes. So during the mystical, great, fantastic experiences, what is aware? The same awareness that is aware now of this conversation. Yeah. That’s the essence. Whether there’s a mystical experience, or there’s an I experience, separate self experience, all of those are known in the same aware. No matter what is going on. So what happens is, we confuse the experience, the state, what we feel and sense and perceive, to be what we’re looking for. So even if it’s a beautiful mystical experience, those states come and go. So that’s not what this is about. This is about recognizing what always knows, no matter which experience. And then the more that is recognized, the more it becomes obvious that it doesn’t matter what the experience is. The freedom and peace that we’re looking for is not found in a mystical experience, and always available is to notice what is aware, and to know directly the liberation that we’re looking for in the future. Because what knows this experience, or what is aware, or what is present to this experience, is liberated already. What we’re looking for, really, truly looking for, the essence of freedom, if we stand as what is aware, stand as our true being. And that is always the case. You can always check that. Until it becomes more obvious, more peace, because everything is okay, there’s nothing wrong, so more interesting than whatever state. — excerpt from Monday’s open meeting (all meetings free to join, details on katoudheusden.com) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

What if I’m doing the inquiries and they make sense but it feels robotic and dry instead of opening something up? Well, then why do them? The way I share it, inquiry is not a prescription. It’s not a spiritual practice to do for x minutes every day, not a to-do to put on your list. So actually, this kind of experience with inquiry can be a great reminder to see something. Apparently, I get the idea that I must do something. I must inquire and it must have some meaningful effect. I get these ideas, maybe from all the spiritual things I’ve heard over the years. However, inquiry is only an offer. It’s a set of options to look into and clear up some things if there’s a natural interest to do so. You believe you’re a separate self but are starting to doubt that? Here, if the intent arises, consider these questions and find out. You haven’t recognized your true nature? If the desire to do so arises, notice this, and this, and discover it directly, now. But who is going to make all this looking and noticing happen? Intention arises or doesn’t. Questions make sense in the moment or not. Something opens up or does not. Inquiry feels robotic or alive. Is there any control? Right now, what is aware of these questions about inquiry? What is aware, always already just is. Notice that. Where is the one who is going to make intention arise? Who is going to make inquiry happen? How would that work? In this aware presence, doesn’t everything just spontaneously show up, all at once, without anyone in control? Breathing, the heart beating, thoughts, sensations, perceptions, ideas, feelings, urges, intentions, action or lack of action — all of it just appears out of nowhere. So why worry about inquiry? It happens or it doesn’t. It feels alive or it feels robotic. If it happens to feel robotic, great! Who or what knows that experience? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

What is aware of this experience you’re having right now? Notice without trying to find, label, or think. Just notice: What is aware? If you try to figure it out, you lose the direct experience of it. You’re back in the menu and not tasting the meal. Noticing is just like when I hold up a pen and ask you to notice it. There’s a direct recognition without having to label it “pen” or think about it. There’s a direct experience of what we call a pen. In the same way, notice what is aware. Without labelling or thinking. Just noticing. Right now, what is aware? Whenever there’s this noticing without thinking … nothing seems to happen. No understanding, no insight, no thoughts, no feelings, nothing. So of course we assume we’re not doing it right. I’m not getting it. It makes no sense. Forget it, I’m going to have some ice cream. What’s so difficult to get across is that noticing is all that’s required. We don’t need to understand what is noticing what, or whose awareness is aware, or how it all works. What is aware? Notice. Simple. Right now, I am, aware. Noticing does the work, not anything you understand. And why not be playful? We can have some fun with this. So imagine you’re in Star Wars, and you’re a Jedi and can sense the Force, because you can. Right now, notice the Force, notice what is aware. Or, more seriously but still playful, think of it as having a little bite of the most delicious food. Have a little taste just now of what is aware. Or, on a different note, if it resonates for you, think of it as knowing the divine. Touching the presence of God. What is aware? It’s just noticing what already is, all the time. Just keep noticing. Even if nothing seems to be happening and you’re sure you’re not getting it. So have another look: What is aware? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

You don’t actually have glimpses of awareness. It’s the other way around. In this aware being, there are frequent glimpses of a separate “me.” The unlimited aware being that you really are, contracts down into frequently believed illusory limitation to a separate someone. These are so frequent and so convincingly coherent, that they create the illusion of a continuous separate individual person. But even this very convincing illusion is not that good. It’s not as robust as we’re led to believe. It’s actually full of gaping holes. And so sometimes you notice there’s a gap in that belief in separate identity, and all there is is your true, unconditioned, unlimited being. For example, when you wake up in a strange location, maybe in a hotel somewhere, perhaps after an eventful few days different from your routine, have you ever noticed that it takes the “me” longer to come back “online”? Before all of who you supposedly are, your past, that you’re an individual inside this body, before all that rushes in … isn’t there a moment of just being, of being no one? It’s pure being but not limited to a someone. It’s being aware but not being shrunk down into a supposed limited, personal awareness. Actually, this is always the case and many many times during an ordinary day the apparent contraction into a “me” is what is absent. Many times, when in flow, when doing simple activities and not thinking much, in moments of wonder and awe, there is no “me.” We know expansion, freedom, peace. If in those moments that expansiveness is explored, it’s seen to be impersonal: It’s free from my story, my past, my troubles, my issues, my concerns, my imaginations. And that can happen right now by noticing the very same expansiveness while hearing these words. Is that which is aware right now, contracted or limited? It’s the limitation to a personal identity that comes and goes. It’s the sense of being a separate “me” that comes and goes! It comes and goes many times during the day and in dreams, and it just takes some noticing to see that it is most definitely not constantly there. How could I be what comes and goes? How could what I am come and go? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

When there is just being, just this without thinking, everything is simple. The mind that makes it complicated is silent — or at least the volume is turned down and it’s easy to ignore. But the ego, the self, the character doesn’t want this simplicity. It needs to feel in charge and in control. It creates the illusion of control by trying to understand, discuss, argue, compare, contrast, make distinctions, question. And that’s all fine. It’s what the character is conditioned to do. But this apparent separate character, this selfing mechanism that believes it owns and lives this life, lives only in thought, in the added complexity of thought. If right now, all capacity for language disappears, then there is just this, as it is. We can play a little game and pretend we never learned a single word of language. Try it. All capacity for words has just been erased from your brain. You are wordless. Without words, there are no thoughts. There are perceptions and sensations, supposedly external or internal, but no thoughts. Look again, pretending you’ve never learned a single word in your life. Just whatever this is. Pure being. Without the capacity for language, there is no narrator, no thought, no thinking about what this is. Only the direct experience of it. Without language, without thought, there is no story of you, the character mentally added into this. Without thought, there is no someone to own this life. You have to think yourself into this picture. You need to mentally add yourself onto this with the thought “me” to know yourself as a separate person. It only works if you really try it: Right now, imagine you have somehow lost all capacity for language. And as soon as I stop speaking, look around. Look also at what you name my body. But now you have no name for it because you never learned language. So where is the “me”, the person with your name? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

So start from everything. Start from the totality of this. It’s all here now, right? There’s no chopped off little piece of this that you’re inhabiting. If we just look at this direct experience now, it’s everything all at once. And so all that’s ever going on is that beliefs arise, thoughts arise that are believed, that there is a center, a contracted identity in this, and that that is the limit of what I am. If we just look at this experience now, not naming anything, not chopping it up into pieces, all of it, and we don’t use concepts, we don’t use words, we don’t separate: It’s all here, all at once. You can’t say something ends here and then something else begins. The experience being had right now. It is always here, in whatever form, with and without content. With forms changing, shifting. The experience itself, this, is. And unless a thought comes in and chops it up, it’s seamless. So imagine there is no body. Imagine there’s no perception, no sensation whatsoever. You’re in a complete sensory deprivation chamber. No content. Still you know you’re alive. So all of this content here now is appearing. All of these shapes and forms and sensations and perceptions. But if we look at the pure presence aspect of it, just from the experience of the presence of it, not from looking at the content, just the knowing I am alive: This is seamless. Presence is not chopped up into pieces. There’s no my presence and your presence. It’s just presence. There’s no beginning to presence or an end to presence. It’s always presence. So you can’t travel to the edge of it and then fall off into non-presence. Being, awareness, it’s the same thing. It’s all trying to say this. This, as the experience itself, without the overlay of human thought and interpretation, is seamless, eternal, infinite, no edges, no separation, none of it is personal, belongs to anyone. It’s not owned, it’s not controlled. There’s no island in it that’s mine and the rest is not mine. — Excerpt from a monthly Nondual Inquiry Lab. Always free to join, the info is on katoudheusden.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

For about ten years, all I had was a “conceptual understanding” of nonduality. And that’s being generous because I didn’t really understand it on any level, no matter how much I read. But I was obsessed. I wanted to know what this was because I was convinced it could end my psychological pain. All the reading and thinking may have done little but that was apparently my path. I wasn’t the type to go on a retreat because what I heard from those teachers was just more concepts, endless descriptions, not anything to help me realize it myself. But I had this insane drive to find out. I didn’t find nonduality entertaining. I was reading all those books looking for the information that would show me how to be free. I read more than 900 of them! And somehow, over time, the bits and pieces of direct inquiry I managed to find started “doing me”. Looking started to happen and I didn’t even know. There would be a clear insight into lack of volition and personal control without thinking much of it. There would be recognitions of a spaciousness I didn’t have words for and barely even knew were happening. Now I know how crucial those moments were. The best books I read contained at least some instruction for inquiry: How to see that I’m not a separate self, and how to recognize what I always already am beyond that. And that’s how I wrote my book Seeing No-Self: straight to the inquiries that are essential, and only enough context to get you to do them. One of the only books I ever found with nothing but clear inquiry was Liberation Is by Salvadore Poe. That was in 2016 and for me it was final confirmation and the end of seeking. Now I know it’s a written version of what he shows you on the spot in his intensives. Now I know that is so much more powerful and direct that it would have spared me many years of reading. And that’s okay. I have no regrets. But it is why I now recommend those intensives. November weekend intensive: https://www.liberationis.com/a-new-paradigm-of-being This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

There is always the naked fact of being. Your presence is the one “thing” you can’t deny. You’d have to be present in order to deny it. This simple fact of existence — knowing that you’re here, present, alive — is what everyone is trying to point to, using all these different words. The words used depend on the body sharing. Many will follow the tradition they’re from or what helped them, so they’ll speak of Awareness, Being, or Consciousness, for example. I can’t tell you how long I was confused about these words. Is it A, B, or C? What do these words really point to? How do I get there, let alone abide there? How do I know I’m doing it right? But this is about what already is, before any thinking about it whatsoever. What is not dependent on what is going on? What already is before any thought occurs? Or turn it around: What can’t be removed, subtracted, or turned off? It’s impossible to turn off the pure fact of being, the simple fact of presence. There is presence even in the absence of all experience. Being can’t be removed. Just try to not be. It doesn’t have to be found, practiced, understood, achieved, abided in, or realized because it already is — noticed or not. So: What always is? What can’t be turned off? You may notice this requires no understanding, no thinking or “getting it” whatsoever. It’s totally mindless and totally obvious. Because it is You. This may seem like nothing special now. It didn’t do anything for me either, at first. But in an inexplicable, often unnoticeable way, it grows on you. In fact, it illuminates the real You in the apparent darkness of a separate, ordinary you. You may forget about it after hearing this. But it will come back, you’ll see. It has its hooks in you now. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

This is what the ego, the self, is made of. It’s self-consciousness. It’s self-reflective. And it becomes self, thinking about the other thought called the self. This is our daily bread. This is what we love. But if for a moment we would stop being interested in that, the whole thing collapses. And if it’s really seen, to be non-essential, literally non-essential, it has no effect on anything, the whole thing collapses and it is seen that it’s just beside the point. And that is freedom. I mean, when that really hits, it is the end of giving a s**t about any of that stuff, even while it continues. So for the past two or three days, there was all this thinking about how to have this in the life more, how to have this express more in the life. And there was a lot of stuff going on about these really deep thoughts about that. It was like, oh, this is so fascinating to think about. How could this be expressed more in the life? And at the same time, as that is going on, it’s like there’s this huge porridge of super interesting s**t. And at the same time, it’s like, I do not want to eat this porridge. I’m not interested, you know, while it’s there and it’s cooking and it’s smelling nice and this porridge of deep philosophical thought about expressing nonduality in this life. And at the same time, it’s just like, who gives a s**t? Who is going to express what? That to me is the freedom. That is how it’s experienced. — an excerpt from Monday’s open meeting. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com

All these things you believe need to happen first, let them go. All the concepts you don’t yet understand, forget them. All the insights you haven’t had yet, ignore all that. Here you are. Right here, right now. Don’t follow the thoughts and just be here, as you already are. You’re no different than before. You still don’t understand. You still haven’t realized anything. Fine. Here you are though. You’re already fully present to whatever this is without lifting a finger. You don’t do presence; it already is. You don’t do anything to be; you already are. Already the case. Already given. What if everything you’re looking for — all those insights, attainments, or realizations — are already here as this simple presence? What if you just take that on as a working hypothesis? You can always go back to looking for that other stuff later. The thoughts of you as a person who must attain something are added onto this presence because you learned them somewhere. They now feel like the truth only because they keep repeating and reinforcing themselves. The more attention goes to them, the stronger they get. But maybe something different can happen. Maybe the strength of all that attention can leave the thoughts and go to the simple fact of being here, of being present. As this simple, obvious presence, and ignoring the many thoughts, where is this person who needs to attain something? What could possibly need to happen first? What is there to understand? It is hiding in the unbelievable simplicity of it, so obvious and transparent that you constantly look right through it. See if you can notice the obviousness: I am here. See if you can become curious about that and explore it a little — mindlessly. See if this ordinary presence is not completely free from all limitation, from stress, even from the need to be someone. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dailynonduality.substack.com