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Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy How do you distinguish between standard relational friction and a truly toxic, abusive environment? In this episode, Colter Bloxom and Cayla Bozovich sit down with Dr. Jamie Star, founder of the STAR Network, to unpack the critical differences between a partner's protective moves in a negative cycle and characterological patterns of abuse. Dr. Jamie shares his personal journey through relational trauma, breaks down how childhood attachment styles shape codependency, and offers a path toward reclaiming safety. By shifting focus away from diagnosing a partner and toward trusting your body's somatic wisdom, this conversation helps you replace blame and confusion with internal clarity and grounded boundaries. Main Talking Points: • Differentiating Relational Cycles • Defining Toxic Dynamics • Unpacking Childhood Trauma • Trusting Somatic Signals • Reparenting Through Consistency • Regulating Emotional Safety Healing from relational trauma isn't about fixing an unresponsive partner; it's about anchored self-awareness and cultivating environments where you feel consistently safe, seen, and supported. True recovery begins when you stop looking outward for validation and begin honoring your own internal boundaries. Connect with Dr. Jamie Star: Dr. Jamie Star's Website: https://drjamie.com STAR Network:'s Website: https://starnetwork.org Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How often do we judge a partner’s apparent inaction while feeling entirely overwhelmed by our own stress? When everyday household friction erupts into an argument, the conflict is rarely about time management—it is a cry to have our unseen emotional burdens recognized. In this episode, we unpack the hidden internal loads partners carry and explore how shifting from quick assumptions to compassionate curiosity transforms relational strain into deep connection. Main Talking Points: Uncovering Invisible Emotional Loads Assessing Individual Daily Capacity Replacing Assumptions With Curiosity Validating Unseen Relational Strain Respecting Varying Nervous Capacities Connecting Beyond Full Understanding You do not need to fully comprehend every detail of your partner's internal struggle to offer meaningful relief. Relational safety grows the moment you pause, validate their experience, and acknowledge the weight in each other's backpacks. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

⁠Click here to sign up for Relationship Academy Ready for the next step? Choose your Passion Masterclass time and learn how to bring more connection, intimacy, and passion back into your relationship: https://drcherylfraser.mykajabi.com/masterclass Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy Can a marriage survive when love remains, but genuine likability has eroded? In this episode, marriage and family therapist and author Jonathan Van Viegen joins us to explore why restoring mutual likability matters far more than obsessing over chore division or endless interrogation. We unpack how shifting from scarcity-driven "needs" to open "wants"—and balancing radical maturity with forgiveness—can transform relational injuries into lasting connection. Main Talking Points: Loving Versus Liking Curiosity Over Resentment Radical Behavioral Maturity Navigating Forgiveness Journeys Eliminating "Why" Interrogations Reframing Needs To Wants Rebuilding a thriving partnership isn't about perfection or scorekeeping; it's about showing up with the willingness to choose each other every day. Real connection unfolds when you trade defensive interrogation for curiosity and work together toward mutual abundance. Connect with Jonathan Van Viegen: Jonathan Van Viegen’s Book: Choosing Us https://jonathanvanviegen.com/book Jonathan Van Viegen's Website: https://jonathanvanviegen.com Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join our live coaching call tomorrow at 3pm EST for Relationship Advice listeners! Click here to sign up. Today is the last day to get in at the founders rate! Check out Monica's Masterclass Follow Monica on instagram Stop trying to “find the one” — focus on becoming the one.A strong relationship starts with knowing yourself: your values, purpose, patterns, and who you want to become. The danger is expecting a partner or marriage to somehow complete your growth for you. The right relationship should help you become more yourself, not less.Monica’s Michelangelo vs. Golem distinction is probably the strongest concept in the episode: a healthy partner helps reveal a version of you that you also want to become. An unhealthy dynamic tries to sculpt you into the person they want you to be. Relationship satisfaction has a lot to do with how we interpret our partner.Early on, we naturally magnify the positive; later, we can start magnifying the negative. Healthy relationships require intentionally cultivating appreciation, challenging our assumptions, and reframing what’s happening instead of automatically concluding, “My partner is the problem.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy Why do small everyday annoyances so easily turn into explosive arguments? When couples get stuck in repetitive friction, the surface issue is rarely the real battleground. In this episode, we explore how superficial conflicts actually point to deeper emotional needs, and how stepping back allows you to move from defensive cycles into genuine connection. Main Talking Points: Underlying Relational Drivers Power And Control Closeness And Care Respect And Recognition Window Of Tolerance Intention Versus Impact True relational resolution isn't about winning an argument over surface logistics, but about creating enough safety to understand what is truly being triggered. When you look past the immediate friction, every conflict becomes an opportunity to deepen trust and mutual care. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy Why do so many couples find themselves stuck repeating the same awkward sexual patterns or avoiding physical intimacy altogether? True sexual connection isn't about forced perfection or quick mechanical fixes, but about building attachment security and communicating openly about your erotic mind. In this episode, Dr. Laurie Watson unpacks how to navigate desire discrepancies, tolerate vulnerability, and reframe sexual friction into deeper relational safety. Main Talking Points: Sex Therapy Beyond Mechanics Tolerating Awkward Intimacy Attachment In The Bedroom Individuation Fueling Erotic Energy Managing Desire Discrepancies Debunking Common Sex Myths Great sex doesn't require flawless performance, but rather the courage to tolerate anxiety, honor differences, and stay curious about one another. When you turn sexual friction into honest dialogue, awkwardness becomes a doorway to genuine connection. Visit Dr. Laurie Watson's Website: https://www.lauriewatson.com Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Relationship Academy today for a complementary 1:1 with one of the hosts! Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/RELATIONSHIP Dr. Gillian's Book! We often repeat the same relationship pattern with different people because familiar pain can feel safer than uncertainty. Noticing the pattern is the beginning of change—but lasting growth requires identifying the unmet need behind it. The “erotic emotional map” helps reveal recurring dynamics by describing the qualities of past relationships. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy When your partner walks through the door in a bad mood, do you immediately wonder what you did wrong or rush to fix it? Taking your partner's emotions personally turns their everyday stress into relational friction, forcing them to manage your reaction on top of their own feelings. In this episode, we unpack the shift from carrying emotional responsibility to offering true empathy, giving both of you permission to feel. Main Talking Points: Personalizing Versus Empathy Unpacking Emotional Responsibility Breaking Fixing Cycles Tolerating Partner Discomfort Reducing Emotion Layers Frameworks Over Scripts Secure relationships aren't built on avoiding uncomfortable feelings, but on cultivating the capacity to tolerate and hold space for them together. Real connection happens when you allow feelings to be felt without making them about you. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy Why do we so often find ourselves repeating the same painful relational patterns even after promising to choose differently? In this episode, therapist and author Jessica Anne Pressler joins us to unpack how early protective survival strategies can evolve into adult self-sabotage. By shifting our attention from dissecting a partner's flaws to understanding our own internal boundaries, we move away from reflexive self-abandonment and step toward deep self-compassion and relational security. Main Talking Points: Unpacking Internal Self-Sabotage Reframing Childhood Coping Mechanisms Navigating Narcissistic Relationship Dynamics Overcoming Relational Self-Abandonment Cultivating Deep Self-Awareness Integrating Protective Inner Parts Healing begins not by fighting the parts of us that try to keep us safe, but by offering them the self-compassion and internal leadership they were always looking for. Connect with Jessica Anne Pressler: Jessica Anne Pressler's Website: https://www.jessicaannepressler.com Jessica Anne Pressler's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicaannepressler Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join us in Relationship Academy to continue the conversation! ⁠ 7 day free trial and then get the founders rate of $25/month Take Dr. Heller's Free Attachment Quiz Clean out your closet by downloading VINTED for free! In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter talks with Dr. Diane Heller about anxious, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment patterns. They explore why these patterns are often intelligent survival strategies—not character flaws or relationship “red flags”—and how early relational wounds can shape the way people experience closeness, conflict, and love. Dr. Heller explains that everyone has an innate capacity for secure attachment and that understanding these patterns can help partners respond with more compassion instead of blame. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Free 10 Day Couples Challenge Try Relationship Academy When everyday friction is automatically read as a lack of effort or affection, couples often get trapped in painful, defensive loops. How do we move away from assigning negative intent and toward honoring the literal differences in how our brains process the world? In this episode, we unpack how neurodivergent traits—like executive dysfunction and sensory processing differences—can show up in relationships, and how framing these realities through the lens of individuation creates a path toward genuine safety and collaborative connection. Main Talking Points: Executive Functioning Differences Cognitive Processing Variances Sensory Profile Mismatches Interoceptive Sensation Nuances Mono Tropism Rigidity Unmasking Relational Safety The goal isn't to force a single, shared reality onto two different minds, but to build enough safety and curiosity to accommodate the unique ways you both navigate the world. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order!  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. *If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join us in Relationship Academy to continue the conversation! 7 day free trial and then get the founders rate of $25/month In this episode of Quick Advice, Colter and Cayla jump into why one partner might just say "I feel bad" rather than tapping into the emotion they are actually feeling. It can be frustrating for both partner! Let's discuss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices