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If I understand my child's feelings but refuse to guide them toward what is good, am I fully loving them? Summary What if empathy, one of the most important tools in parenting, can sometimes keep us from loving our children well? In this episode, Mike and Alicia explore the difference between understanding a child's feelings and allowing those feelings to guide every decision. Drawing on Scripture and the example of God's fatherly love, they talk honestly about compassion, authority, boundaries, service, and the deep delight parents are called to have in their children. You'll hear practical wisdom on how to love without becoming permissive. Like God's love for us, parental love should seek the child's good without rising and falling according to the child's behavior. Listen in!  Key Points 1. Empathy helps us understand a child's feelings, but it should not determine every parenting decision. 2. Parental authority exists to protect, form, and guide—not to dominate. 3. God models a love that is compassionate, truthful, sacrificial, and steadfast. 4. Children need firm boundaries while knowing their behavior does not diminish their parents' love or delight in them. 5. Healthy detachment allows parents to guide children without making their choices a measure of parental success or worth. Discussion Questions 1. When can empathy become an excuse to avoid giving our children necessary corrections or consequences? 2. How can we communicate both "Nothing will make me stop loving you" and "This behavior is unacceptable"? Links Fr Josh date night Oct 28 - register on site, gifts to give and discounts!   https://messyfamilyproject.org/event/a-virtual-date-night-featuring-fr-josh-johnson/

Summary Marriage does not mean you will perfectly fulfill every need your spouse has, but we are called to be a channel of God's self-giving love. Join us for this powerful conversation with Devin Schadt author of The Marriage Gap: How to Understand, Communicate, and Meet Your Spouse's Four Deepest Needs. We explore the complementary needs of husbands and wives: security and respect, strength and beauty, closeness and physical intimacy, spiritual leadership and shared mission. Devin offers practical wisdom for expressing needs without shame, blame, or manipulation; building trust through attention and sacrifice; and leading a family through prayer. Discover why words can become a trailhead to your spouse's heart—and how grace can draw two people into deeper union. Listen together now. Resources https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-marriage-gap/ Buy the book!  Join the webinar for Lead Like a Dad!  https://messyfamilyproject.org/event/lead-like-a-dad-webinar/ Fr. Josh Date Night on Bible in a Year for Families: https://ascensionpress.com/pages/media-season/the-bible-in-a-year-family-edition-with-fr-josh-johnson?srsltid=AU7gw4UDNt7w2sYRSTUYCN9vxJWAo3eKISyYmZswJb6dc7O6Ea0W9mt5

"We have vastly overprotected our children in the real world. We have to give them more freedom."  —Jonathan Haidt Summary How much freedom should you give your children—and how do you know when they're ready for more? In this episode, we explore one of parenting's challenging balancing acts: offering children room to grow while providing the guidance and security they still need. Through the relatable picture of teaching a child to swim or drive, we consider why freedom is an art, not a formula, and why every child may need something different. We will tell you some stories from our own experience of our kids' small failures which become valuable preparation for bigger decisions.  We will also explain the danger of parents giving too much freedom too early and too little freedom later and why a strong relationship makes wise boundaries easier to receive. If you want to raise responsible, confident young adults while remaining a trusted and loving guide, listen in to this conversation to get some encouragement for your journey. Key Points Children need different levels of freedom depending on their maturity and readiness. Small failures help children develop the wisdom to handle bigger decisions later. Children thrive when parents combine loving relationships with confident, trustworthy guidance. Practice giving children freedom in areas of time management, social relationships, money and technology  Couple Discussion Questions How did our parents give us freedom to make choices growing up?  Do we think they gave us too much or too little?    Where can we give our children more freedom?

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28 Summary Motherhood changes everything—and sometimes that transformation feels less like a beautiful makeover and more like someone rearranged your whole life while you were trying to sleep. In this honest, hopeful episode, Alicia and guest host Katie Gamboa explore the tension between self-care and sacrificial love. How do mothers give generously without running on empty? We also challenge today's impossible expectations: work, prepare healthy meals, raise happy children, keep the house running, and look effortlessly radiant while doing it all. Spoiler alert: no one was meant to mother alone.   From postpartum support and marriage to community, identity, and grace, this conversation offers encouragement for every mom who has wondered, "Will I ever feel like myself again?" Perhaps the invitation isn't to recover the old you, but to become even more fully yourself—messy, loved, stretched, and strengthened by God.  So grab your coffee (reheated for the third time), take a breath, and listen in. You were made to give love—but you were also made to receive care. Let's discover how both can beautifully belong together.   Key Takeaways The transition to being a mom is huge - don't underestimate how hard it can be and it's ok to be honest about it.  Sacrificial love is not the opposite of self-care.  You need to care for yourself in order to love sacrificially.  Don't feel guilty about loosening the "standards" you set for yourself if it helps you to get through the day. Never forget that you were made for this, but you do need to support your body and heart so you can do what you were made to do.  Couple Discussion Questions How has being a mother changed you and how you think of yourself?  Of your body?  Of our marriage?   How can we work together to support our unique roles knowing what a change this has been?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6 Summary With so many sports, clubs, arts programs, school choices, and community activities available, how can parents help their children discover their gifts without letting a packed schedule take over family life? Rather than trying to produce a generically successful child, parents are invited to become students of the unique children God has entrusted to them. In this podcast, we encourage parents to give their kids room to try new things, change direction, fail, and discover what fits—because eliminating an option can be just as valuable as finding a passion.  We'll also discuss how to name and affirm gifts, cultivate strengths while managing weaknesses, and choose activities and education that suit both the child and the family's season and capacity. You'll hear why faith, marriage, and family relationships must remain more important than performance, and how coaches, teachers, mentors, and relatives can help children see themselves more clearly. Listen in for encouragement to see, know, bless, and guide the child right in front of you. Key Takeaways Observe before directing. Parents become students of their children: watching what draws them, where they lose track of time, what others notice, and what patterns persist.  Give kids lots of experiences.  Activities, arts, sports, clubs, work, and educational settings function as laboratories in which children discover what fits and what does not. Its ok to try something and not like it!  Children often experience their own gifts as "normal." Parents help form identity by calling out the gold they see and, ultimately, blessing the child with words that communicate: I see you. Keep giftedness inside the right hierarchy. Faith, marriage, and family relationships come before performance. Activities and educational opportunities must serve family culture rather than become the family's organizing principle.  Widen the circle of adults who can see the child. Coaches, teachers, relatives, mentors, and family friends can confirm gifts parents see - or reveal gifts parents miss. This becomes especially important in adolescence.  Transfer ownership as the child matures. Young children receive observation and affirmation from parents; adolescents increasingly reflect on their own strengths, make choices, and learn where they fit in the wider world.  Couple Discussion Questions Are the activities our children participate in developing their natural gifts?   Can we observe our children, compare notes, and decide how to help them know themselves better?  Resources Webpage to LLD Webinar when its up Group Sales of Women Wonderfully Made https://messyfamilyproject.org/courses/women-wonderfully-made-group/

"The Holy Rosary, by age-old tradition, has shown itself particularly effective as a prayer which brings the family together." —St. John Paul II, Rosarium Virginis Mariae, no. 41   Summary Have you ever gathered the family to pray the Rosary—and wondered if all the fidgeting, correcting, and frustration were helping your children love prayer or simply teaching them to endure it? In this episode, we take an honest look at praying the Rosary with kids. Perseverance matters, but so do creativity, patience, and sensitivity to the needs of your particular family. The goal is not merely to finish five decades or imitate another Catholic household. It is to form children who know that prayer is a place of peace, connection, and love—and who will reach for the Rosary throughout their lives. We explore why this ancient prayer is so powerful: it is scriptural, meditative, intercessory, communal, and contemplative. It is also a "graduated" prayer that can be entered into by a small child, a busy parent, or a contemplative saint. We share practical ideas for making it part of real family life, from praying one decade or taking a walking Rosary to using pictures, Scripture, candles, audio recordings, car rides, and bedtime routines. Your family Rosary does not have to look perfect to bear fruit. Begin small, make room for children to be children, and create an atmosphere they will remember with affection. Give them more than a completed Rosary—give them a lifelong prayer of their own. Key Takeaways 1. Love is the goal. The deeper purpose is not completing the Rosary but helping children develop a lifelong love of prayer. 2. Discern what serves your family. Your Rosary does not need to look like anyone else's. Consider your children's ages, personalities, and needs. 3. Begin small and get creative. Try one decade, a walking Rosary, sacred images, Scripture, car rides, or bedtime prayer. 4. Create an atmosphere of peace. Children may forget what you said, but they will remember how family prayer felt. 5. Lead through witness. Praying as a couple and allowing your children to see that you treasure the Rosary can be powerful formation. Couple discussion questions   1. Is the way we currently pray helping our children love prayer—or merely teaching them to endure it? 2. What practical change could make our family Rosary more peaceful, engaging, and appropriate for our children's current ages? 3. How can we strengthen our own prayer life as a couple so our children encounter the Rosary as something we genuinely love?   Resources Link to lead like a dad waitlist Messy Family Rosary App Apple Android

"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." - James Clear Summary Is your family running on good routines—or on lost shoes, late-night permission slips, and someone yelling, "Where is your backpack?" If summer loosened every habit in your house, this episode is your invitation to hit the family reset button. We're talking honestly about the routines that shape family culture, whether we choose them or simply fall into them. Bedtimes, chores, prayer, screens, school mornings, and family meals don't just organize the day; over time, they help determine who we become. We'll show you how to assess three essential areas of family life: the spiritual life of your home, your marriage, and the formation of your children. Then we'll get practical about turning vague hopes like "we should pray more" or "the kids need to help" into habits your real family can actually follow. Using four principles from *Atomic Habits*, we'll explore how to make good routines obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. Expect chore charts, backpack stations, bedtime prayer, brownies after the Rosary, and our hard-earned rule for getting a large family out the door without losing everyone's sanctification. This isn't about creating an Instagram-perfect household. It's about reducing chaos, restoring connection, and building a home where everyone knows they belong. Key Takeaways A fall family reset has four parts: Assess: Honestly examine your family culture. Focus: Choose the pain point that needs the most attention. Create a habit: Build a practical system around the change. Find accountability: Invite your spouse to support you. You do not need to overhaul your entire family this fall. Choose one meaningful change that will help you move from reacting moment by moment to living on purpose.   Couple Discussion Questions What are our biggest pain points right now that we need to change?  What is our best habit that we can build on?  Resources Speaking Request page Events page www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com

Family life is full of competing needs, responsibilities, and relationships. And sometimes there isn't one obvious "right" answer. Summary In this listener questions episode, Mike, Alicia, and Katie tackle some of the complicated situations real families are facing: What should a mom do when her teenage son starts turning to Dad instead of her? How do you discern where your family should live? Should you move if your spouse is unhappy but your children are thriving? How do you honor your parents while putting your spouse first? They also discuss life with a large family in a small house, sibling bickering, extracurriculars, protecting family dinners, and caring for aging parents from far away. Through all of these questions runs one important truth: you can't eliminate every tension or make everyone happy. The goal is to discern what God is asking of you, protect the unity of your marriage, and confidently lead the family He has entrusted to you. **In this episode:** Connecting with teenage sons as their relationship with Dad changes * Discerning where God is calling your family to live * Balancing the needs of your spouse and children * "Leaving and cleaving" while still honoring your parents * Making small spaces work for large families * Handling sibling bickering and extracurricular overload * Protecting family time in the middle of sports and activities * Loving and caring for aging parents from a distance For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Catholic couples don't discern if they should have a child, they discern if they should postpone pregnancy. These are two different conversations.    Summary This re-release of a 2015 episode presents Natural Family Planning as more than a technique: it's a way of living that contrasts sharply with a culture focused on control and convenience. We explore how modern society tends to "engineer" outcomes, even in areas like fertility, while NFP invites couples to cooperate with the natural design of the body, integrating both faith and science. This approach requires intentional communication, shared decision-making, and a willingness to embrace sacrifice, particularly through periodic abstinence. Rather than seeing these challenges as burdens, we can view them as opportunities for growth in virtue, deeper unity, and trust in God. Key Takeaways Catholic teaching on marriage holds love and life together. Marriage is both unitive and procreative, meaning sex is meant to express love between spouses while remaining open to the possibility of new life. Humanae Vitae was not just a rule, but a prophetic warning. The Church warned that widespread acceptance of contraception would lead to moral decline, marital infidelity, loss of respect for women, abuse of power, and a distorted sense of control over the human body. Responsible parenthood requires prayerful discernment, not pressure or guilt. Couples are called to use reason, wisdom, Church teaching, and honest prayer to discern whether they are ready for another child, taking into account physical, emotional, psychological, economic, and family circumstances. Natural Family Planning can be hard, but it can also form couples in love and self-gift. NFP requires discipline, communication, patience, and sacrifice. It can bring struggles, especially around affection, desire, and misunderstanding, but it also invites spouses to love each other beyond physical intimacy alone. Children are a blessing, not a burden or a lifestyle accessory. While raising children is demanding, they are one of the greatest fruits of marriage. They change, challenge, and sanctify parents, and families should not measure children only by cost, convenience, or cultural expectations.   Couple Discussion Questions Do you feel like we communicate openly about family size, timing, and fertility decisions? How do you experience the "sacrifice" aspect of NFP? What kind of family culture do we want to build around life, children, and generosity? How can we better support each other during more difficult seasons?   Resources MFP 158: Oh Baby! How Many Babies Should We Have? Humanae Vitae USCCB on Natural Family Planning Dr. Janet Smith Couple to Couple League NaProTechnology (Creighton Model of NFP) Theology of the Body Institute

High expectations along with high support produces resilient kids. Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia focus on the challenge of raising resilient kids in a culture that often prioritizes comfort and protection. They emphasize that while parents naturally shield their children from pain and failure, doing so too often can actually prevent them from developing the strength and perseverance they need in life. Instead, resilience is built when kids are allowed to express appropriate struggles, learn from mistakes, and grow through adversity with the steady support of their parents. This re-release of a 2017 episode encourages couples to find a balance between being caring and supportive without over-rescuing, and to intentionally foster a family culture where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth rather than problems to avoid.   Key Takeaways Kids will experience all kind of small hardships in childhood and these are life's way of making them stronger.  For example, not being chosen, relationship difficulties, failure in athletics or school. Some kids are more or less naturally resilient Parents need to be aware of the pitfalls of taking on their children's pain or seeing their failure as our failure.  Practice intentional parenting.  Begin with speaking to them the truth, then teach them to take responsibility for their actions, and see how they can learn from the experience.   High expectations along with high support produce resilient kids.     Couple Discussion Questions How do we usually react when our child fails, gets hurt emotionally, or feels left out? How can we better balance being supportive without removing struggle?   Resources MFP 353: Why are Kids so Anxious? MFP 335: Safety-ism

Parents need to awaken in children their sacramental imagination within the home. This takes time. - Steven Serafin Summary In this episode, we talk with Steven Serafin of Faith and Family Life Catholic Ministries about how parents can reclaim their role as the primary teachers of the faith. Drawing from the catechumenal model, he explains that faith is passed on through relationship and daily life, not just programs. In a culture that no longer supports belief, families must intentionally live the faith at home through habits of prayer, discipline, and meaningful conversation. Steven shares simple ways to start, like blessing your children and creating small rituals that build a child's sacramental imagination. He also highlights the importance of rest, living with heaven as the goal, and finding a supportive community. Strong parishes, he says, grow when families accompany and evangelize one another.  Listen in and learn how you are already passing on the faith to your children within your daily life!  Key Takeaways Parents are the primary teachers of the faith, and it's passed on through daily life, not just programs or classes. The catechumenal model shows that faith grows through accompaniment, walking with others in relationship. Simple habits at home like prayer, blessing your children, and meaningful conversations build a lasting faith. Families need to slow down, embrace rest, and keep their focus on heaven rather than constant busyness or success. You're not meant to do this alone. Small communities of families supporting each other are essential for raising children in the faith.   Couple Discussion Questions What's one simple habit your family could start this week to live the faith more intentionally at home? Where do you feel most stretched or distracted as a parent, and how might slowing down or embracing "rest" change that? Who are the people or families you could walk with in faith so you're not trying to do this alone?   Resources https://www.fflcm.org/ Faith and Family Life Catholic Ministries

Summary This re-release of a 2016 episode focuses on the experience of feeling overwhelmed as a parent and reframes it as a sign that your current responsibilities have exceeded your capacity, not a personal failure. It encourages parents to step back, prioritize their primary vocation of loving their spouse and children, and let go of unrealistic expectations that create unnecessary pressure. By simplifying schedules, reducing commitments, and taking small, manageable steps, families can regain a sense of peace and control. In this conversation, Mike and Alicia also show the importance of surrendering stress to God through prayer, trusting that faith and intentional living can bring clarity and calm even in the midst of chaos.   Key Takeaways Realize that this too will pass.  Most of the time our children are going through phases and end.   Prioritize what's really important and the rest will fall into place.  We need to learn to focus. Look at the standards you're setting for yourself and recognize they may not be realistic.  Give yourself grace.   Rest in the fact that God will always provide a way out for you. He will never give you more than you can handle with His grace.    Couple Discussion Questions Do you feel supported by me in stressful moments? Where might we need to adJUST the bar or give each other more grace? What do we believe our top priorities are as a family right now?   Resources Family board meeting guide  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-board-meeting-guide/

Summary Have you ever felt distant from your spouse, like you're simply coexisting in the same house or experiencing dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through natural cycles of romance and disillusionment, but without intentional actions, indifference can creep in. How do you break out of that indifference and reconnect? In this re-release of Episode 089, we give simple and practical advice for couples to escape indifference and rebuild a happy, healthy marriage. Key Takeaways Love is a decision, not a feeling. When we recommit ourselves to our relationship things can start to improve. "In losing your life, you will save it" - Give yourself away.  You can't control your spouse, but you can take action and start to love unconditionally. Pursue your spouse through affirmation, physical love, and by praying for them.  Do it now - immediately.  Delaying only makes things worse.  The sooner you can reorient yourselves towards each other, the easier it wll be.     Couple Discussion Questions How much quality time do we actually spend together each week? Do we talk mostly about logistics, or do we share our hearts? What types of affection make each of us feel most connected? What would be a simple way to start praying together more consistently?   Resources MFP Episode 015: Five Love Languages MFP Episode 054: Vulnerability in Marriage MFP Blog: Disillusionment: What to do and how to fight it https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/disillusionment-what-to-do-and-how-to-fight-it/   MFP Resource: Communication in Marriage https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

Consecration is about living your daily family life in union with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, right in the middle of the mess. Summary What if your family life, in all its chaos and imperfection, could actually become holy?  This week on the Messy Family Podcast, we talk with Scott Smith about his book 33 Days to Consecration to the Holy Family. He shares how consecration isn't just a devotion, but a way of living "under one roof" with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.  We dig into how this simple practice can protect your family, bring the spirit of Nazareth into your daily routine, and help you turn even your failures into moments of prayer.  If you've ever felt like you're falling short as a parent or struggling to lead your family spiritually, this conversation will meet you right where you are.   Join us and learn how small, faithful steps can transform your home from the inside out.   Key Takeaways Consecration to the Holy Family means entrusting your whole family life to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph together, not separately. It brings both protection and a "spirit of Nazareth" into your everyday routines and work. You can relate to the Holy Family in a personal way by imagining life with them and learning from their example. Parents lead this best by living it first, then passing it on to their kids through simple, authentic witness. You don't need to be perfect. Even your mistakes and imperfect prayers can be offered and become part of the journey.   Couple Discussion Questions How can we start a habit of prayer in our home today?  When you think about being in the home at Nazareth, what do Joseph and Mary look like?  How old is Jesus?  What are you doing with them?    Resources shopmercy.org

"A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, but criticism attacks a person's very character." - John Gottman Summary This episode focuses on how criticism in marriage, especially towards husbands, can quietly damage connection and respect if it targets a person's character instead of addressing specific behaviors. Many wives fall into patterns of correcting or pointing out faults, often with good intentions, but this can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, and a negative cycle in the relationship. In this episode, Mike and Alicia emphasize the importance of expressing concerns calmly and specifically, assuming goodwill, and building up your spouse through affirmation rather than constant critique. They encourage taking responsibility for your own tone and approach, choosing respect over being "right," and fostering a spirit of partnership that strengthens the marriage instead of eroding it. Re-release of MFP044.   Key Takeaways Criticism attacks identity, complaints address behavior Respect matters more than being "right" Assume the best, not the worst - Timing and tone are everything Focus on your own growth first   Couple Discussion Questions Are there specific words or habits of mine that make you feel discouraged or unappreciated? Do you notice any patterns where we fall into criticism and defensiveness? What usually triggers those moments for us? Is there something you wish I understood better about why you do certain things? How can I bring up concerns in a way that feels encouraging instead of critical?   Resources MFP Episode 369: Marriages Don't Accidentally Communicate Well MFP Blog: Arguing with Your Spouse https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/arguing-with-your-spouse-2/   MFP Communication in Marriage Guide https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/