Advertise on podcast: Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

When our kids won't go with the flow of the day and seem to push back on everything, it's often because they're sitting on feelings they can't easily express. In this episode, Janet responds to a note from a parent whose nine-year-old son won't respond to requests to shower, brush his teeth, do simple chores, or get dressed and ready for school. At the same time, this boy has been remarkably articulate in describing his feelings about being “a middle child," being replaced and losing his parents’ attention. Despite his parents’ efforts to make him feel loved, his hurt seems to surface as anger and resistance. Janet offers advice for addressing the situation and shares a revelation about her own nine-year-old daughter’s distress during a transition. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our kids seem stuck on repeat—like when they keep asking us the same question over and over or making the same demand? Even on our best days, their persistence can quickly wear us down. We respond once calmly, twice firmly, and by the third time all bets are off. We've lost our patience. Janet responds to a mom whose four-year-old repeats the same list of requests every morning. She explores why kids get stuck in these patterns and how getting everyone unstuck is simpler than we might imagine. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, Janet shares updates from parents whose concerns she has addressed in recent episodes — one about a preschooler’s escalating meltdowns at drop-off; another about a toddler pulling her own hair when overwhelmed; and a third about a two-and-a-half-year-old becoming increasingly fearful of seemingly random things. The parents’ follow-up letters offer a candid look at what helped, what changed, and what these parents discovered when they approached their children’s struggles in a new way. Please support our sponsors! You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes that her mother is constantly asking her bright 17-month-old to perform and grows frustrated when he doesn’t oblige. The truth is, we often think connecting with kids means entertaining them, getting them to laugh or, as in this grandparent's case, encouraging them to show us what they can do. Yet, real connection is much easier and more organic than that. It is about paying attention, listening, and genuinely taking in who our children are. Janet explores why asking children to perform can get in the way of deeper connection—and how doing less and trusting more  can foster more authentic relationships. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/unruffled⁠ or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When school starts, our children’s days can quickly fill with classes, activities, homework, and screens, crowding out opportunities that are critical to their development and emotional health: play. A parent wonders whether full-time school means sacrificing the slower, more playful childhood she wants for her son. Janet reassures this parent that she can have both, explaining how we can continue to prioritize play, and why this matters.   Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0karpg86 Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: ⁠https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Many of us imagine late afternoons or evenings with our children as the perfect time to wind down and connect after a busy day. Unfortunately, this is often precisely when our children need to unload the day’s stresses. Which means that instead of enjoying restorative quality time together, we're faced with challenging behavior, high emotions, and discontent. In this encore episode, Janet unpacks some of the reasons why evenings can be so difficult for kids and what we can do to help them (and ourselves!).   Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to ⁠https://heypolo.com/unruffled⁠ or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠ and ⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠. You can pre-order a signed copy of Janet's upcoming book BABY PERSON from Book Soup at: https://bit.ly/4xhJ2zZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A four-year-old melting down at school drop-off... A 21-month-old who's started pulling her own hair when she's frustrated or overwhelmed... Two very different situations—but the same missing piece. Janet explains why our instinct to soothe, distract, or push past our kids' hard feelings during transitions often backfires, and why doing the opposite—openly "going there" to explore the situational discomforts kids may experience, even when we can't fix them—is what actually helps kids feel less alone and more able to move through them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/unruffled or use code UNRUFFLED and get 70% off your first year! Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our child erupts into a full-blown tantrum—suddenly becoming what author Loryn Brantz calls a "spicy nugget"? The award-winning author and illustrator returns to Unruffled to talk about her new children's book, "I Am a Spicy Nugget." Loryn and Janet unpack what actually happens in those moments—for the child, and for the adult trying not to make it worse—including what's happening for kids when they become overwhelmed, and why the best response may be to do less, not more, and let the storm pass. Loryn's book is inspired by her own experiences raising sometimes-spicy kids. Loryn's book "I Am a Spicy Nugget" is at: https://bit.ly/4cH7VgN Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A two-and-a-half-year-old has become increasingly anxious and fearful. She often becomes overwhelmed but can't explain what's wrong beyond saying she's scared, and she wants to be picked up or removed from the situation. Her mom wonders where comfort ends and reinforcing the fear begins: “How do we give her the comfort and security she clearly needs while helping her learn that she can feel scared and still be safe?” Janet explores what may really be going on and how parents can respond in a way that respects the feelings without exacerbating them. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How frustrating is it when our kids won't listen! A parent describes her exhausting visit to a relative's house that wasn't baby-proofed. Her 15-month old son became fixated on climbing stairs. She tried to use what she understands as gentle discipline to keep him safe, but after repeatedly saying, "I won't let you..." and then resorting to removing him from the stairs, she grew frustrated, took him outside for a walk, and then "spent most of it chastising myself for completely failing.” Janet explains that far from failing, this parent is merely missing something, and she offers a simple reframe that will make setting boundaries much simpler, more effective, and less frustrating for all concerned. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0karpg86 #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement, for the Sutton debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-sutton and for the Bancorp debit flex card at cash.app/legal/us/en-us/debit-flex-card-agreement-bancorp. Savings and Offers provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Offers may not be affiliated with third party merchants. Parents and legal guardians can open a managed account for kids 6-12. Cash App will pass through a portion of the interest paid on your savings balance held in an account for the benefit of Cash App customers at Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., Member FDIC. To earn interest on your Cash App savings balance, you need to have sponsor approval. Exceptions may apply. Savings yield rate is subject to change. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent is shaken when her five-year-old begins talking about death and saying she wants to die. Is this a warning sign? Shouldn't she be alarmed? Janet explains why these frightening statements—while they should always be taken seriously—are often very different from what parents fear, and why our instinct to reassure, explain, or shut the conversation down can unintentionally make things worse. She shares a compassionate approach that helps children feel safe enough to work through even their most unsettling thoughts. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent describes her 3.5-year-old as fun, loud, and opinionated at home, but "painfully shy in every other social setting," even with relatives and peers she knows well. She's greeted with enthusiasm but won't join in. Instead, she asks her parent to play with her. This issue is especially noticeable at gymnastics, where she'll happily do an activity, then suddenly refuse to continue. No amount of encouragement will get her to budge. "It's like once she clams up, she can't get out of it." With preschool just around the corner, this parent wonders how she can help her daughter feel more comfortable around other children. Janet offers an alternative perspective on this child's behavior and explains how it will further this mom's goal to help her daughter "feel confident and happy and proud of who she is."  Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A mother fears she's repeating the negative patterns that shaped her childhood and wonders if it's already too late to change. She writes that her mother used “guilt trips, the silent treatment, hitting, and what I would deem psychological abuse... She is who I learned to parent from.” While she has tried patience and reasoning with her kids, she still finds herself using harsh tones, lecturing, and yelling. "I don't know how to fix it." Janet explains why breaking these cycles isn't about becoming a perfect parent, but understanding the messages we received as kids and how they may have affected us, so that we can learn to trust ourselves to lead with clarity and confidence. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A two-year-old's adjustment to a small in-home childcare setting isn't going well. She cries through much of day, flits from activity to activity, and seeks constant validation from the caregiver, repeatedly asking, "Do you like me?" This caregiver, who is also a parent of two toddlers, is baffled as to how she might be contributing to this apparent insecurity and wonders if the girl would be happier somewhere else. She's also feeling drained and overwhelmed by the situation. Janet offers her perspective on what is really behind this toddler's tears and questions—and why trusting the child's process, rather than reacting with concern and trying to fix it, may be the very thing that helps her feel safe. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the parenting approach that's supposed to make family life easier is actually making it harder? Many parents are discovering that what they thought was "gentle parenting" leaves them exhausted, second-guessing themselves, and struggling to set limits. Janet explains why the answer isn't a different label — it's confident leadership — and how this shift can transform family life, strengthen relationships, help children feel secure, and make parenting calmer, clearer, and far more effective. Dr. Laura Dawson's full article from Brown University Health: https://sl1nk.com/y0rak90 Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices