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Healthy relationships require that we are open to being influenced. After all, what is a relationship if it doesn't include give and take. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what both research and experience has taught him about the importance of accepting influence in relationships.  Show notes:  What does accepting relational influence mean?   Allowing those we are in relationship with to shape and impact our thinking, feeling and behaving.   What does not accepting relational influence look like?  Relationship rigidity resulting in dismissing or being un-moved by the input, wisdom, experience and interaction of another individual.   What does the research say?  Husbands who accept influence from their wives tend to have happier and more satisfying relationships.  The more influence a spouse is willing to accept, the more influential they can be.  What makes accepting relational influence difficult?  Being defensive or the tendency to recoil from perceived challenges.  Black and white thinking or the tendency to see matters in either/or categories.  Avoidant or the tendency to avoid relationship disagreement and friction.  Misunderstood roles in relationship or the tendency to enter a relationship with a role modeled or taught to you that does not permit influence.  Lack of relationship safety.   What happens if we don't accept influence?  The relationship tends towards disconnection.  Does accepting influence mean finding agreement?  Yes and no. Yes – you both agree that the other is worth understanding well enough to know when and how to yield to them. No – agreement is not the objective. In fact, disagreement is common and still should include influence.  What does healthy influence look like amid disagreement?  When a person says "no" in a relationship, they should simultaneously say "yes" to the friend or spouse they are in relationship with. By this we mean, those we are in relationship should always feel they have been understood and valued enough to have influenced us regardless of the decision at hand. 

Parenting has its eye towards producing future adults. One powerful adult forming tool is instilling good habits in our kids. A well parented habit can pay dividends in the long run by building the muscle memory to do what otherwise would not be natural. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter examples this by suggesting three habits that will produce very welcome attributes in our children as adults. Show notes:  Healthy habits can help grow and mature our children. And yet, to do this, the habit needs to grow and mature with the child. Three examples are given.  Example 1: Goal: To produce thankful adults.  Habit – Say, "Thank you."  Growing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________."  Maturing habit – Say, "Thank you for _________ that is a gift to me."  Example 2: Goal: To produce a humble adults.  Habit – Say, "I'm sorry."  Growing habit – Say, "I'm sorry I ________."  Maturing habit – Say, "I __________, how did that make you feel? I'm sorry."  Example 3: Goal: To produce adults who are good listeners.  Habit – Say, "Tell me what you think."  Growing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn."  Maturing habit – Say, "Tell me what you think, I have a lot to learn and value your insights." 

We all have room for growth. Yet sometimes our progress gets stalled, and we get discouraged. This discouragement might be because we are measuring the wrong thing. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps correct this mistake and teaches us to measure from the bottom-up.    Show notes:  Measuring human growth can be tricky. We often evaluate our progress by measuring from one of three perspectives:  From top-down: This happens when we measure the gap between who we are and who we want to ideally be. For lofty goals, this measurement often leaves us discouraged. The gap becomes a continual reminder we are "way off the mark" and we live in failure.  Side-to-side: This happens when we measure ourselves by comparing ourselves with others. This can have a mixture of reactions. On the one hand, we might have an inflated view of our progress and become lax in our growth. Or on the other hand, we can feel deflated and have an inferior view of our progress and become discouraged. From bottom-up: This happens when we measure progress by remembering where we started and being thankful for how far God has helped us. This measurement approach tends to promote a healthier view of growth. With this approach, we are encouraged to take the next step.  Measuring from the bottom up is made possible when we have an accurate view of God. Sometimes we have the idea that God is far, with arms crossed, waiting for us to achieve his standards. Rather, God is with us wherever we are and prompting us to take the next step. He calls us to a life of discipleship whereby he is present in all our learning and growing.   

To be human is to age. To age well is to transition. To transition well is to adapt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ron Messner and Lori Wiegand encourage us to be intentional in the aging process. In so doing, we find abundance of life where scarcity may have been assumed.     Show notes:  Finding abundance instead of scarcity in the last third of life is a function of intentionality, acceptance, and adaptation.   Intentionality:   Making healthy choices. Having needed conversations.  Making future plans.     Acceptance:   Making peace with new realities.   Letting go of old norms.  Letting go of old possibilities.    Adaptation:   Finding a new identity.  Welcoming new norms.  Finding new possibilities. 

Advent is a season of longing and hope for Christmas - a time when anticipation fills the air. But what does this waiting reveal about the kind of people Christ is shaping us to be? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Leman and Matt Kaufmann explore how the Lord's prayer stirs a deep desire for Christ's kingdom and transforms our hearts to long for him in and outside of the Christmas season.   Show notes:  What is Advent? Advent is the season when the Christian church prepares for the celebration of Christ's coming – Christmas.   What advantage does advent offer the believer? Every year, the Christian is given an opportunity to wait for, long for and celebrate Christ's coming. This practice can shape in the believer a desire for Christ's coming kingdom.  What is the Lord's prayer? Christ gave his disciples the Lord's Prayer (Luke 11) when they asked how they should pray. This prayer has a deep and rich history in the Church both past and present.  What advantage does the Lord's prayer offer the believer? The Lord's prayer offers the believer a template for praying and thinking. It can be divided into two sections each having three subparts.   Our Father which art in heaven...  Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come.  Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.  Our Father which art in heaven...  Give us this day our daily bread.  Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.  Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  How does the Lord's prayer enliven advent? The Lord's prayer prepares in us a heart that wants God's kingdom to come and will to be done.    How does advent enliven our faith? Advent teaches us that waiting, longing and celebrating Christ's present and coming kingdom is tangible, practical and meaningful. 

The Thanksgiving holiday affords us the opportunity to engage in one of the healthiest human behaviors – the giving of thanks. Research suggests that thankful people are in some ways mentally, emotionally, and relationally healthier than their unthankful counterparts. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann look beneath the hood of thanksgiving to discover the deeper matters that not only make thanksgiving possible but likely.  Show notes:   Giving thanks is an action. Thanksgiving is the outward fruit of deeper gratitude. By it, our gratefulness finds its expression. Furthermore, our expression finds its mark in gratitude toward God or another person.  Gratitude is a quality of our character. Its opposite is entitlement. Where entitlement believes all things are owed, gratitude sees all things as a gift.  It is the fruit of humility. A posture we have with the world where we see ourselves as the beneficiary of all good things. 

It has always been hard to stay on top of technology. It seems artificial intelligence (AI) has just raised the ante. In this Breaking Bread podcast episode, David Virkler helps demystify AI. In so doing, some down-to-earth advice is given on how to parent our kids in this world of AI. Show Notes:  A few things to understand about AI.  Artificial Intelligence is an expansive field with many applications. It includes everything from machine learning to neural network AI engines and large language models like ChatGPT.  Large language models respond to inquiries by generating text by using probability models for selecting the next most probable word. In so doing, sentences are created and intelligence is mimicked.   AI platforms are trained on a body of data made available to them. Some use the data we input into it when we use it. Others do not.   The source of data from which AI draws its information depends on the platform being used. Some AI platforms pull from all available data on the internet. Others pull from a closed data set according to the specs of the developer.  AI is only physical. It is made up of circuits, elements and processors with the capability to find and sort data. AI is powered and thereby limited by the earth's resources.  A few things to be cautious about.   AI has no metric for truth when generating content. Rather, it uses probability to guess what the user wants.   Be aware, when by your use, you are contributing to the data pool AI will learn and draw its information from. When using AI understand your level of personal privacy or lack thereof.  To determine the trustworthiness of the AI tool, understand where the tool is sourcing its data. Is it sorting through all the data on the internet or is it sorting through a smaller, more reliable data set?  AI can mimic human qualities such as emotion. AI companions can be influential and misleading.  AI will have an influence on our personal formation. Our habits, creativity, critical thinking skills, and more will likely be affected.   A few questions to get us talking.  What makes AI less than human?   AI runs on circuits and processors. It is physical and non-living. It has no soul as the human made in God's image has.  What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?  AI has made knowledge ready and easy. How to apply that knowledge lies with the user.  Is speed and ease always better than time and struggle?  AI completes tasks quickly with very little effort on the part of the user. While this efficiency is appealing, healthy human formation seldom comes quickly and easily. Rather, God uses time and friction to develop our minds, hearts, souls and bodies.    Who do we want speaking into our life?  AI can mimic human companionship. However, human connection has been God's design for the community that best cares for the human being.  Has AI made God old fashioned?  AI will provide many answers for us. It will push society forward. With it will come questions. As has been the pattern in the past, Christ and the Scriptures will be relevant in new and important ways.  A few things to be enthused about.  AI is really good at writing and summarizing. If used well, it can be a very helpful tool as a note taker in a meeting.   AI is really good at analyzing patterns in large data sets. When used well, it can provide tremendous insights quickly make connections and offering helpful suggestions based on data.  AI will be a strong educational tool. It has the capacity to tailor education modes and means to the uniqueness of the learner.   AI is becoming very good at language. Real time translation is a powerful asset for those trying to communicate across language barriers.  

It's not uncommon for communication between two individuals in a relationship to go sideways. And when the pattern is sideways for many years, it becomes even more challenging to set right the cart. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer and Brian Sutter explain how to do just that. Show notes:  The speaker/listener model is a structured approach for communication that enhances understanding between two individuals or parties.  When do you use it?  When communication is not working and understanding is not being reached.  How does it work?  Roles are determined. One party is the speaker, and the other is the listener.  The speaker succinctly expresses a message.  The listener responds by telling the speaker what they said.  The speaker determines if the listener understands.  If yes, the speaker continues.  If no, the speaker tries the message again.  Appropriately, reverse roles.  What does it do?  It slows down the conversation.  It promotes understanding between the parties.  It helps clarify what should be communicated.  It gives a chance for communicative trust to grow.  It gives the space for individuals to regulate their emotions during the conversation.  What are the prerequisites for success?  Participants need to be able to take on another person's perspective.   Participants need to be able to regulate their emotions.  Participants need to be able to play by the conversation rules. 

Join us in the studio as we celebrate 10 years of Breaking Bread! In this celebratory episode, Arlan Miller, Katie Miller and Brian Sutter turn the tables and interview Breaking Bread host Matt Kaufmann. They go behind the scenes of the show, telling stories and reminiscing. Most importantly, they pay tribute to the devoted listenership of Breaking Bread.

Nothing motivates treatment quite like pain. We want it to stop. Too often, when the pain has past, we are not motivated to continue the important work of personal growth that lies beneath the pain. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr explains the hope that lies beyond symptom reduction.   Show notes:  Symptom reduction is only half of the journey to health. There are four questions that point to the important second half of the journey...a journey worth finishing.  Is my predominant outlook on life joy?  Are my relationships healthy and satisfying?  Is my relationship with God unhindered and growing?  Do I know what my spiritual gifts and talents are and am I actively engaged in using them?  Answers to these questions lead us to important spiritual, relational, psychological and physical growth.  

We enter life with no ability to control. As we grow, we acquire more and more faculty to control. If our life takes its natural course and we age into the sunset years of life, we gradually lose our ability to control. Finally, we will leave this life having the same capacity to control as when we entered, little to none. Join us as Matt Kaufmann discusses this life curve with his father, Denny Kaufmann. Control, the ability to rule, make choices, make determination in our surroundings and direct people, transitions over the span of life. The transition is a function of release.   Ease of release is a function of confidence in the predecessor and ability to live with God into the future.  Release to the predecessor is helped with a view that God is in control and uses people separate from us.   The ability to live with God into the future is helped by learning to find satisfaction in his presence apart from the satisfaction that the power of control affords.  Living healthily will require that we know where we are on the life curve and live accordingly. 

In seasons of busyness, it can be easy for marriages to drift towards disconnection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer encourages simple ways to maintain connection as well as a framework for thinking about marriage amid the busy.  Show notes:  Demands on our time and attention can ebb and flow over the calendar year. When marriage is involved, these seasons of busyness impact the marriage. If we are not vigilant, disconnection can result. Communication becomes challenging. Irritations can set in, and spouses can drift apart. Couples who wish to weather these seasons well need to be thoughtful about how they remain connected. A few examples follow:  Connect with your spouse by having regular "check in's." Take time to update your spouse and be updated on the life of the other. Connect with the life your spouse is living. Try to understand the demands he/she is under. Have a goal to visualize their day-to-day.  Connect with your shared roles by growing your appreciation for the career of each. Understand the uniqueness of the profession and what it means to your family.  Connect by establishing shared rituals through the season. Celebrate the season by infrequent significant moments of connection that bind marriage and family amid the season.  Connect by establishing frequent small moments of connection during the season.   Connect with the larger shape of marriage. A life for which a season is that - a season.   Connect with the larger intention God has for challenges in marriage. The intention to grow you up into Christ-likeness. 

ACCFS is a mental health service that supports the Apostolic Christian Church. This unique connection between church and mental health agency has a storied history. To tell it, Ron Messner and Ted Witzig Jr are interviewed by Matt Kaufmann on this episode of Breaking Bread.    Show notes:  Caring for people spiritually has given way to the need to care for them mentally. This led to the following statement of belief and consequently, the carrying out of counseling services at ACCFS.  Based on scripture and extensive experience, we are complex beings with three overlapping and integrated parts to our being: physical, spiritual and mental. These cannot be separated, but each part can be affected by separate factors including biological, spiritual, psychological, or social influences. Each needs to be assessed, and any dysfunction needs to be treated or addressed based on the cause or causes of the dysfunction. This may include repentance, prayer, spiritual counseling and teaching, medication, other health interventions, and/or psycho-social counseling. 

In an era that boasts the most human connectiveness in the history of the world, we struggle with isolation and depression in epidemic proportions. Evidently not all human connections are equal. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Isaac Funk take on this crisis for connection directly. Not only do they identify the problem but also provide a vision for hope.   Show notes:  What do we mean by human connection?  Human connection at a minimum is intersecting with another human being in physical or thought space.  Human connection at a maximum is deeply knowing and being known by another.   What is at stake with poor human connection?  Isolation, depression and insecurity are some of the fees we pay for poor human connection.  Often poor connection with people translates to a poor connection with God.  What are the elements of healthy human connection?  Healthy human connection requires time and space with people. It requires giving of oneself. The setting requires dynamic communication back and forth in real time.  What are the elements that we are competing against for healthy human connection?  Technology often promotes a shallow connectivity rather than deep community. It is engineered for the transfer of data rather than facilitating robust human fellowship. It is primarily designed for ease, speed and enjoyment, all three of which are not realistic expectations for deep human connection.  Our western culture of individualism promotes self-reliance, putting people head-to-head in competition rather than shoulder-to-shoulder in shared need.  The economics of money and promotion tend to assert themselves in our decision making over and above community and the need for human connection.  What vision of hope does healthy human connection have?  As humans created in God's image, we are designed for embodied human relationships. Relationships that linger in time and space, suffering long with others. Overcoming isolation and shame with reception.   Connection with others plays on the basic elements of life: living together, eating together, sharing needs, living together with a family or living together as a church family.  When we live well together with people, we are at an advantage to live well together with God. 

Drama sells in the box office, newsstands, social media feeds and more. It draws an audience because it is interesting. Yet, because drama often plays on relational conflict, it is painful. Because we are relational beings, we unfortunately find ourselves too often on drama's stage. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling peels back the layers of drama and helps us escape its trap. Show Notes: Drama defined:   Interesting relational or situational conflict.  What is drama's ill effect?  It can provoke us to poor behavior.  It can divide relationships.  What elements does drama play on?  Drama draws an audience.  Drama grasps for sides to be drawn.  Drama is fueled by unregulated emotion.  Drama tempts us to be disingenuous about the truth.  How do I know if I induce drama?  I like the exhilaration of conflict.  I like attention.  I am easily offended and sensitive.  I don't regulate my emotion.  How can I calm the drama?  Don't gossip.  Regulate your emotion.  Resist impulsivity for patient, measured responses.  Seek the whole truth.  Keep healthy boundaries.