Advertise on podcast: Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When your child is anxious, overwhelmed or afraid, should you step in or let them work it out? The answer could change how you parent. Justin and Kylie Coulson share five research-backed ways to build resilience in children, from listening without rushing to fix things to letting kids tackle challenges, take safe risks and discover what they're capable of. Because raising resilient kids isn't about toughening them up. It's about giving them the support and confidence to face hard things. KEY POINTS Why feeling cared for and listened to is the foundation of resilience How staying calm helps children manage big emotions When to support your child and when to resist the urge to rescue them How family identity and purpose help kids through difficult experiences Why independent activity and safe, risky play build confidence QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Resilience is built as much inside a child as it is built around a child.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au Andrew Fuller, Australian psychologist and resilience researcher Steve Biddulph, parenting expert Anne Masten, resilience researcher Peter Gray, play researcher ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Put your phone down and give your child your full attention when they want to talk. Take a slow, audible breath before responding to your child's big emotions. Encourage your child to try something difficult before stepping in to rescue them. Find small ways for your child to contribute to your family and feel part of something bigger. Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to explore, play independently and take safe risks. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when you give everything you have and still can’t finish? Justin shares the emotional reality of attempting a 50km charity walk with a 10kg vest, battling an injury and facing the decision to quit. Justin and Kylie reflect on failure, resilience and the courage it takes to admit when you need help. They also share how their Lift the Load challenge raised almost $95,000 for Top Blokes, helping more young men access vital mentoring and support. KEY POINTS Why admitting you need help can be harder than pushing through. The difference between resilience and ignoring your limits. How asking for help can change the outcome. Why we can support others without carrying everything for them. How one person's actions can inspire a whole community. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “It's wonderful when you feel strong and capable that you would offer to carry somebody else's load. But there comes a time where you have to recognise when that load is no longer bearable.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Top Blokes Foundation Lift the Load Challenge Happy Families ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Show your children that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Talk about the difference between giving up and recognising when something needs to change. Check in with the people around you. Ask how they're really going and listen to the answer. Remind your family that supporting someone doesn't mean carrying every burden for them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your phone might be getting in the way of your child’s learning, confidence and connection with you. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack three research findings every parent should know, from the link between heavy AI use and lower school test scores to why early puberty may increase anxiety risk in girls. They also explore how being ignored while a parent scrolls can affect a teenager’s sense of security in the relationship. Discover what the research tells us, where the limits of the evidence lie, and how to give your child more opportunities to feel supported, connected and confident. KEY POINTS AI and learning: Students who frequently use AI chatbots for schoolwork scored lower in science and reading than those who rarely use them. How children use AI matters. Early puberty and anxiety: Research links earlier, faster puberty in girls with a higher risk of anxiety symptoms. Supportive relationships may help provide important protection. Phone distraction and attachment: Teenagers who feel ignored by a parent’s phone use are more likely to report insecure attachment to that caregiver. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “She needs protective factors in her life.” RESOURCES MENTIONED PISA assessment findings on AI use and student performance, reported by Lucy Carroll in The Australian Danish National Birth Cohort analysis on pubertal development and anxiety, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders Research examining parental phone use, "phubbing" and adolescent attachment ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Encourage your child to use AI to explore ideas and learn, rather than letting it do their thinking or writing for them. If your daughter experiences early puberty, focus on supportive relationships, trusted role models and a safe home environment. Put your phone away when your child is trying to connect with you. Give them your attention, listen and show them they matter. Remember that research showing a link between two things does not automatically prove that one causes the other. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Behind the parenting advice is a dad, a husband, a son and a grandad who’s still learning as he goes. For Justin Coulson’s birthday, Kylie takes the microphone and asks the questions we don’t usually hear on the Happy Families podcast. From the grandmother who made him feel like the favourite to the moment he burst into tears at the news he was becoming a grandad, Justin shares the memories, mistakes and moments that shaped him. He also reveals the question from one father that changed the way he thinks about parenting. It’s a reminder that being a better parent starts with looking at ourselves. KEY POINTS The childhood memories and family relationships that shaped Justin The overwhelming joy of becoming a grandfather Why his enthusiasm for research is sometimes mistaken for arrogance The parenting question he’s never forgotten The hard-won lessons behind his books What he hopes to achieve in the year ahead QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “How do I be the father that my son needs me to be?” RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families: https://happyfamilies.com.au Justin Coulson’s parenting books ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Ask yourself what kind of parent your child needs you to be right now. Think about the parenting habits you inherited from your own parents. Which ones do you want to keep, and which ones do you want to change? Give yourself permission to keep learning. Even the experts have lessons they learn the hard way. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

School mornings shouldn't end with tears, frustration and everyone feeling like they've failed. Justin and Kylie answer Emma's question about her two daughters and share practical ways to make getting ready for school less stressful. From preparing the night before to swapping constant instructions for connection, discover how small changes can help your kids feel more capable and get everyone out the door in a better mood. Key Points Prepare uniforms, bags, lunches and everything else the night before. Get up early enough to feel calm and ready to help. Reduce morning stress by removing unnecessary steps. Replace constant instructions with connection and offers of support. Create a simple checklist with your kids so they know what's next. Make mornings fun with music, games and family routines. Quote of the Episode “The more you can do tonight, the less you have to do tomorrow morning.” Resources Mentioned The Parenting Revolution by Justin Coulson Happy Families: happyfamilies.com.au Action Steps for Parents Get school bags, uniforms and shoes ready tonight. Make a simple morning checklist with your kids. Ask “What's next on your list?” instead of telling them what to do. Sit with your kids at breakfast and offer help when they need it. Try a morning playlist to make getting ready more fun. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if some of the parenting advice you’ve been given was completely wrong? Richard Glover has spent years digging through Australian parenting manuals, government advice and expert recommendations from the past 100 years. What he found is funny, disturbing and surprisingly reassuring. From being told not to cuddle a crying baby to warnings that praise would make children arrogant, Richard reveals how generations of parents were taught to ignore their instincts. He also explains why looking back at parenting history can help us stop chasing every new expert theory and trust ourselves a little more. KEY POINTS Why parents were once told not to cuddle crying babies How government parenting advice shaped generations of Australian families Why harsh parenting keeps coming back in new forms What history can teach us about today's parenting trends Why parents can be more forgiving of their own childhood experiences The simple things children actually need: love, stability and age-appropriate limits QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Children need stability, a sense of order, a sense of rules, and they need a lot of love.” RESOURCES MENTIONED How to Ruin a Child by Richard Glover ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Be wary of extreme parenting advice that promises one perfect way to raise children. Trust your instincts when something feels wrong. Give your children clear, age-appropriate boundaries alongside plenty of love. Remember that you don't have to get parenting perfect to raise a perfectly decent human being. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today Justin is taking on a gruelling 50km walk carrying a 10kg vest to raise $50,000 for Top Blokes, a mentoring program helping young men build resilience, develop healthy relationships and learn to ask for help. After losing his nephew Logan to suicide, this mission is deeply personal. We need just 600 more people to donate $50 each to reach this target. Can you help lift the load?  Donate here! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Parenting gets harder when your kids start needing you less. Justin and Kylie talk about the messy reality of raising children who eventually leave home, make their own choices and face hard things without you beside them. They share a beautiful reminder that resilience rarely looks neat, why the struggle matters, and why the goal of parenting is to make yourself redundant. They also talk about Justin’s 50K for 50K Lift the Load challenge, raising money to help Top Blokes support boys with mentors and positive models of masculinity. KEY POINTS Resilient kids don’t always look confident. Sometimes resilience looks messy, uncertain and uncomfortable. Your child’s struggle isn’t always something you need to fix. Some struggles are where growth happens. Kids spell love T-I-M-E. Time with your children still matters when they become adults. The goal of parenting is to make yourself redundant. When children no longer need you, they can choose to come back because they want to. Raising boys well means giving them positive models of masculinity, kindness, respect and healthy relationships. Sometimes doing something meaningful means stepping well outside your comfort zone. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Make yourself redundant. And the great irony is, if you do it well, because they don’t need you, they come back not because they need you, but because they want to be there.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Lift the Load 50K for 50K ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Resist the urge to rescue your child from every uncomfortable experience. Give your kids time, even when they’re older and independent. When your child is struggling, ask yourself whether they need rescuing or simply need you beside them. Look for opportunities to model kindness, respect and healthy relationships. Think about one thing you can do tomorrow that strengthens your relationship with your child. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The more you monitor your kids, the more they might hide. Research on parental monitoring shows that knowing where your kids are matters far less than creating a relationship where they feel safe telling you what is really going on. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what the research says about disclosure, surveillance, rules and trust, and share five practical ways to help your kids keep talking when things go wrong. KEY POINTS Why kids' voluntary disclosure tells parents more than surveillance How negative reactions can lead to more secrecy Why punishment can shut down honesty How to respond when your child tells you something difficult Why clear reasons and autonomy-supportive rules build trust Why covert snooping can make kids sneakier How to stay connected as children become more independent The difference between emotion for your child and emotion at your child QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Location apps will show you where they are, but only the relationship that you have will tell you how they are.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Stattin and Kerr's 2003 research on parental monitoring and disclosure Weinstein and Schabulski's research on autonomy-supportive parenting ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Take a breath before reacting when your child tells you something difficult. Say, “I’m glad you told me,” before jumping into consequences. Focus on solving the problem rather than punishing the disclosure. Explain why your rules exist and give your child choices where you can. Create regular opportunities to talk without turning every conversation into an interrogation. Get curious, not furious. Don't rely on covert snooping to find out what your child is doing. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Australia made global headlines when it introduced a minimum age of 16 for social media. But months on, more than eight in 10 kids are still using age-restricted platforms. Justin Coulson sits down with Federal Communications Minister Anika Wells to ask what is happening, why compliance has been so difficult, and what the new Digital Duty of Care could mean for families. The proposed laws go beyond social media to cover gaming, AI chatbots and other online platforms, with new requirements around harmful content and addictive design features such as endless scrolling and popularity metrics. KEY POINTS Why compliance with the under-16 social media laws has been slower than expected Why the responsibility needs to sit with big tech, not exhausted parents What the proposed Digital Duty of Care could change How AI, gaming, chatbots and other platforms will be covered The harmful content and design features the government wants platforms to address What age verification means for access to pornography Why VPNs and other workarounds make online safety harder The early signs that some young Australians are sleeping better, playing more sport and seeing less online bullying QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “This is about introducing some basic safety standards to an industry that hasn’t had any.”Anika Wells RESOURCES MENTIONED Australia’s under-16 social media legislation The proposed Digital Duty of Care eSafety Commissioner research and long-term studies Australia’s online pornography age-verification laws happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Talk with your kids about why these laws exist rather than making the conversation only about rules. Keep an eye on the platforms, games and AI tools your children are using. Pay attention to sleep, mood, sport, friendships and offline activities, not just screen-time minutes. Use the law as a support when conversations about online safety become difficult. Stay informed as the Digital Duty of Care develops. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your 17-year-old refuses to go to school, skips classes and has no idea what he wants to do instead? Justin and Kylie tackle a tricky question from a parent whose son is struggling with Year 11. They explore vocational schools, apprenticeships, TAFE, distance education and the idea that education doesn’t have to mean sitting in a classroom until Year 12. The goal is to help young people keep learning, contributing and moving forward without forcing them into a path that clearly isn’t working. KEY POINTS: Why school isn’t the only way to get an education Vocational schools and hands-on learning School-based apprenticeships and TAFE Why “earning or learning” is a useful family expectation Helping teenagers build character, reliability and practical skills Why a 17-year-old doesn’t need their whole future figured out Finding purpose through contribution and solving real problems QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“You need to be either full-time earning or full-time learning.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Justin Coulson The Industry School School-based apprenticeships TAFE and vocational education Lift the Load 50 for 50 fundraiser for Top Blokes ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Talk to your child’s school about alternative pathways. Look beyond university and traditional Year 12 pathways. Explore apprenticeships, TAFE, vocational schools and practical training. Help your teenager find something that builds skills and a sense of contribution. Take the pressure off having their entire future figured out at 17. Focus on reliability, communication, initiative and integrity. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s Mrs Happy Families’ birthday week, so Justin puts Kylie on the spot with questions she hasn’t seen before. There are childhood confessions, a $2 garage sale bargain, a surprising celebrity crush, competitive board games, laundry, parenting wisdom and one deeply meaningful question about how she hopes her six children will remember her. Kylie also opens up about setting herself a big goal, learning to value the progress rather than just the number, and the moment she realised she could be proud of herself. It’s funny, honest and unexpectedly moving. KEY POINTS: Why Kylie thinks her daughter Abby is most like her The $2 garage sale find that became a handmade baby quilt Why laundry is Kylie’s favourite household job Kylie’s surprising running anthem The competitive streak Justin insists she has The parenting moment that made Kylie most proud What Kylie hopes her children remember about her QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“I would rather be 10 kilos lighter at the end of the year and not reach my goal of 20 kilos than to be sitting where I was at the beginning of the year without any hope or a desire to make the changes necessary.” ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Ask yourself what you hope your children will remember about you when they are adults. Notice the progress you are making instead of focusing only on whether you have reached the goal. Ask your children what they love most about you. Their answers might surprise you. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

More than eight in ten Australian kids were still using age-restricted social media platforms months after the under-16 law came into effect. So is the legislation working? Justin speaks with Federal Communications Minister Anika Wells about what has happened since the social media minimum age law began, why compliance has been slower than expected, and what the new Digital Duty of Care could mean for families. The proposed laws go much further than social media. They cover AI chatbots, online games, messaging platforms and other digital services, with new responsibilities for tech companies to identify and reduce risks to children. They also tackle harmful content, addictive design features, algorithmic feeds and the growing challenge of keeping kids safe from pornography and other dangerous material online. KEY POINTS Why more than 80% of children were still using age-restricted platforms Why enforcement against big tech takes time What the Digital Duty of Care would change for parents How AI chatbots, gaming and messaging platforms could be covered The harmful content platforms would have to address What "safety by design" could mean for kids How algorithmic feeds could change The challenges created by VPNs and children accessing pornography Why group chats and private sharing are harder for parents to monitor What the government says is changing for young Australians QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We want you to be able to say, this is the law and you can point to the law to try and address these daily fights that people are having in their home." ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Talk with your kids about what they are seeing online, including content shared privately in group chats. Check which social media, gaming, messaging and AI platforms your child is using. Look at the feed settings on platforms your family uses and understand whether algorithmic recommendations can be changed. Keep talking about pornography and harmful online content before your child encounters it. Use Australia's changing online safety laws as a starting point for conversations about what is and isn't acceptable online. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if improving your wellbeing was far simpler than you thought? In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack a huge new scientific review published in Nature that analysed 183 wellbeing studies involving nearly 23,000 people worldwide. The conclusion? You don’t need the perfect routine, expensive programs, or hours of free time to feel better. You just need to do something. From exercise and mindfulness to yoga, gratitude, therapy, and simple self-awareness practices, the research shows that consistent small actions have a powerful impact on mental health and happiness. Justin and Kylie also share their own honest experiences of trying to prioritise wellbeing in the middle of busy family life. If you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to take care of yourself, this episode is your reminder that small steps still count. KEY POINTS: A major Nature study reviewed 183 wellbeing interventions Exercise combined with psychological support had the strongest results Mindfulness, gratitude, yoga, and compassion practices all improved wellbeing Consistency matters more than perfection Small actions done regularly can create major emotional shifts Parents don’t need hours of free time for self-care to work QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Don’t overthink the perfect wellbeing routine. Just do something.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Nature systematic review and meta-analysis on wellbeing interventions Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Mindfulness and positive psychology practices Boys: Building Strong Young Men from the Inside Out by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Choose one simple wellbeing habit you can realistically repeat this week Aim for consistency over intensity Pair movement with reflection, mindfulness, or connection Notice how you feel when you stop prioritising your wellbeing Give yourself permission to start small rather than waiting for perfect conditions See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if protecting our kids too much is actually holding them back? In this powerful conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with extreme athlete, sports psychologist, and author Ant Williams to unpack why so many kids struggle with pressure, discomfort, and resilience — and what parents can do differently. From diving beneath Arctic ice to coaching elite athletes under extreme stress, Ant shares the mindset shifts that help people stay calm, capable, and courageous when life gets hard. Together, they explore the parenting habits that unintentionally weaken resilience, the fine line between support and overprotection, and why kids need opportunities to struggle, fail, and recover. If your child avoids hard things, melts down under pressure, or constantly says “I can’t”, this episode will change the way you respond. KEY POINTS Why resilience is built through challenge — not comfort The difference between being a safety net and a shield How parents accidentally reinforce anxiety and avoidance Why kids need evidence they can handle hard things The long-term risks of wrapping children in cotton wool How your reactions to stress become your child’s template The simple “fish hook” strategy for staying calm under pressure Why modelling courage matters more than preaching confidence QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Our reaction becomes their template.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Let It Be Tough by Ant Williams Resilience: Developing strength, calm, & kindness in our kids [a Happy Families Webinar] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Resist rescuing your child from every uncomfortable situation Encourage small, manageable challenges that build confidence Talk openly about your own fears and how you handle them Stay calm during stressful moments — your child is learning from your response Focus on supporting your child, not shielding them Help kids reflect after setbacks instead of immediately fixing things See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.