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It's been about a year since we forgot to edit last year's New Apple Shit episode, but don't you worry, not only have we returned to give you the Apple Nonsense you crave in your heart, but we also talk about: Colonoscopies! Doctors who suck at doctoring! Scooters with cavernous pouches for holding things! Thousand-dollar handjobs! And SO MUCH MORE And hey, if you're looking for the transcript of this, it'll be up later or tomorrow or something, I'm still editing that. DEAL WITH IT, TRANSCRIPT-LOVIN' JONES.

eD! and Jeff are back after a long period of technical nonsense that caused all sorts of issues with their recap of the Apple event, some basic human maintenance that eD!'s been engaging in that has made him feel less like a gnarled old man, details on where they've been all this time, and their newfound quest for whimsy! Also, as a side note, eD! owes dbrand an apology -- he thinks that his AirPods Pro case might have been to blame for his wireless charging issues, not their case for his AirPods Pro, so he's a real piece of shit for saying otherwise. Oh, and you can get the Ghost case that eD! and Jeff bought here -- that's not an affiliate link or something, dbrand just makes nice stuff and deserves your money to be honest!

eD! and Jeff are back to talk about a wide assortment of topics, including chocolate bars, language-learning apps, and sunflower seeds! And, y'know, all the stuff from the "Far Out" Apple event that happened on Wednesday. You knew that already, though, since, like, when do we not talk about the bazillions of dollars we just hand our pals in Cupertino?

eD! and Jeff discuss all the happenings at WWDC, beguiling TikTok videos, the horrors of exercise, and Bluetooth-enabled water bottles! Also they talk about where they've been for four months and, spoiler, it's none of your business, jackass. But, as an apology, here's a DALL·E image of a hamster making it rain, which should make things better for everyone:

eD! and Jeff stick to their new every-other-week schedule like the extremely dedicated heroes they are to discuss only the hottest topics of the day, even though that day was a few weeks ago! You want example topics? Put on some socks, 'cause we're about to knock your goofy ass outta 'em! The newest cast memeber for "Fast 10", and eD!'s dream casting for Vin Diesel's non-John Cena brother!Jeff's mind-altered snacking shenanigans!Spoilers for movies that are between 14 and 37 years old!Jeff's funeral plans!Shiny new toys!Memories of operating systems gone by!And apple juice, because we're not afraid to get controversial!

eD! and Jeff get back together like a sexy podcasting Voltron to discuss the horrors of feet, the glory of the "Weird Al" biopic, the ongoing nightmare that is the threat of COVID Dick, the heartbreak of heroes lost, the excitement of new sportsball heroes, and memories from decades gone by of a dude who should have been wearing a lot more on the beach! Also, no Dave this episode, so this is a perfect soundtrack for those sexytimes you might be hoping to have tonight, although this episode is longer than 15 seconds so it might not be the best idea you ever had, endurance-wise. Oh, yeah, we're going to be releasing these things every other week from now on, and we're already ahead of the game, prepared-episode-wise, so no more 27 year gaps between episodes, probably. And if you want to get those lightbulbs that eD! talks about, homies, we got you.

eD! and Jeff talk about Thanksgiving food preferences, feelings on parades, weird eyebrows, eD!’s teeth, and all sorts of other crap! Listen to this instead of the crazed rantings of your uncle that’s on Facebook too frequently, it’ll be way better.

eD! and Jeff discuss all the happenings at the September Apple Event! And also Niki Minaj’s cousin’s balls. Yeah, it’s a weird one.

eD! and Jeff discuss disgraced governors, how to piss off jackasses in a 7-Eleven parking lot, and eD! regales you with the saga of Super Hero, his favorite deli in the universe! Also, we spend like 15 minutes straight talking about a really good egg sandwich, so maybe you should have one of them before you listen to this episode, or else you'll be sitting there all, "Damn, I shoulda had that egg sandwich I was warned about, this sounds delicious" the whole time.

eD! and Jeff discuss eD!'s super-weird vacation, Jeff's achievement of hitting peak Dad-ness, podcast listening habits, stank-ass celebrities, respond to some listener email! You can listen to the episode where eD!'s eye was last a funky weirdo, Villain Meeting, here. You can also see the dope Zoom Freak 2 shoes eD!'s Dad got by clicking here. And you can take your s****y opinions on "Joker" right back with you to Hell, you bastards.

eD! and Jeff discuss the Feast of St. Rocco, new shows they’re watching, how streaming has broken Jeff’s poor brain, and the majesty of The Waffle House! By the way, we know it’s taken a while for new episodes to come out, but if your podcast playing app ever shows you this shit? It’s a lie. This podcast will be finished when either eD! and/or Jeff are DEAD (especially if eD! dies because Jeff doesn't know how to upload the episodes).

eD! and Jeff discuss the new Apple MagSafe Battery Pack Thing, other portable battery packs, “Black Widow”, “Luca”, returning to movie theaters, and answer some reader mail! If you, too, would like us to answer your questions in an episode, feel free to submit them through our contact form here.

eD! and Jeff discuss fitness goals, how much eD! loves his new iPads Pro, acceptance of comfort, and new drinks that eD! just found out about while recording this episode! Also: eD!’s local Crossfit was replaced with a new business that will fill your heart with delight.

eD! and Jeff discuss stupid work cliches, Apple’s lossless music plans, weird-ass dreams, and the return of the single greatest food mascot in the history of food mascots, and the history of why he wasn't around for a while! If you, too, want to read the article eD! references from The Washington Post about the return of The Noid, it’s right here, you goobers.

eD! and Jeff discuss all the goings-on from the WWDC keynote last week, reverse tramp-stamps, eD!’s history with cars, and dumb fitness routines! Also, eD! mentioned that you could find information on the brouhaha with his email service, HEY, at The Verge, but we all know you’re not going to look it up yourself, so you can just click that link to get to it. You’re welcome, you lazy jerks!