Advertise on podcast: Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

Your body isn’t “betraying” you when your heart races before a presentation. It’s doing its oldest job: trying to keep you safe. We sit down with communication and vocal coach Helen von Dadelsen to unpack why brilliant, high-performing people can still freeze on stage, go quiet in meetings, or avoid speaking up even when they have an important message to share. We dig into the fight flight freeze response in plain language, then move into the real turning point: how we interpret those physical sensations. Helen explains how internal dialogue can escalate normal adrenaline into a story of danger and shame, and she gives a simple filter to challenge the script: is it true, is it kind, is it helpful. From there, we talk practical mindset reframes that help you show up with more clarity and confidence without pretending you never feel nervous. You’ll also get concrete tools for nervous system regulation and public speaking anxiety, including breathing techniques and grounding practices you can rehearse ahead of time. Helen walks through her favourite quick reset, the physiological sigh, and we explore why practising these skills in calm moments makes them available when the stakes are high. We close with the confidence formula many people miss: preparation plus practice, and the power of taking one courageous action at a time, drawn from Helen’s book Courageous Action. If you want stronger communication skills, more presentation confidence, and a calmer voice under pressure, listen through and try one technique today. Subscribe, share this with someone who avoids the spotlight, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Connect with my Guest - Helen von Dadelszen LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/helen-von-dadelszenInstagram https://www.instagram.com/present_potential?igsh=a3p0NXNxMnlwYzM5YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCB_2NMosqJQBBiv5ux3mYHgMy book: https://courageousaction.ch/My business: https://academy.presentpotential.ch/  Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Most couples don’t break up because of one huge betrayal. They break up because they stop being friends, stop noticing each other, and let parenting, work, and exhaustion push the relationship to the bottom of the list. We sit down with Dr. Harry Benson to unpack what actually changed his own marriage, and why a surprisingly small mental switch can create outsized results over time. We get specific about the early parenthood trap: how “it’s easier if I do it myself” can quietly disempower dads, increase the mental load on mums, and build resentment on both sides. Harry shares a red-flag phrase he learned at home, “the neglected wife micromanages”, plus the daily practices that rebuild connection, including intentional appreciation and learning to see your partner again as a whole person, not just a co-parent. Then we move into communication and conflict resolution with a research-backed tool you can remember mid-argument: STOP (Scoring points, Thinking the worst, Opting out, Put downs). From there, we zoom out into the psychology of commitment, including dedication versus constraints, cohabitation and “slide vs decide”, and the two-year rule for escaping ambiguous, drifting relationships that never fully choose you. We also cover why “why won’t he propose?” has become such a common question, and what clarity can look like without games. If you find this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone you care about, and leave a review so more people can find practical, research-informed marriage advice and relationship skills. CONNECT WITH MY GUEST – HARRY BENSON Find out more about Harry Benson and the work of the Marriage Foundation: 🌐 Website: https://marriagefoundation.org.uk/ 𝕏 X (Twitter): https://x.com/harrybenson6 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harrybenson6/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@harrybensonphd Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

An earthquake hits, your team looks to you, and your nervous system screams, “Take control.” That moment reveals your leadership defaults fast. Former US diplomat Jen Brown joins us to share what 23 years in the Foreign Service taught her about crisis leadership, calm decision-making, and why the strongest leaders know when to step forward and when to step aside.  We talk about the leadership trap that drives burnout: believing you must have all the answers, fix every problem, and protect everyone from discomfort. Jen breaks down how coaching transforms that pattern into something healthier and more effective, setting a clear outcome, defining decision authority, and building feedback loops that support accountability without micromanaging. We dig into trust as the foundation that makes hard conversations possible, especially when stress is high and stakes feel personal.  Jen also tells stories you will not forget, including a 7.8 earthquake response in Ecuador and an attempted carjacking with her toddler in the backseat. Those experiences open up a practical conversation about fight, flight, freeze, emotional intelligence, and “positive intelligence” triggers that show up in day-to-day leadership. You will walk away with simple tools to interrupt autopilot, ask better coaching questions, and communicate across culture and personality so “yes” actually means yes.  If you found value here, subscribe, share this with a leader who carries too much, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What is one situation where you want to respond with intention instead of autopilot? Connect with my guest – Jen Brown Jen Brown is a former US diplomat and founder of Journey of Grace Coaching, helping leaders build stronger teams, develop self-awareness and lead with greater confidence. 🌐 Website: https://www.journeyofgracecoaching.com/ 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenbrown-coach 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/journeyofgracecoaching/ 🎙️ Ripple Effect Leadership Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@RippleEffectLeadershipPodcast Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Step parenting can feel like walking into a story halfway through and being expected to know your lines. I talk candidly about what surprised me most when I became a step parent in my 40s, why good intentions are not enough, and how quickly everyday moments can trigger big emotions in a blended family. If you have ever felt like an outsider in your own home, or like you are competing with a bond that existed long before you arrived, you will recognise the tension.  We dig into one of the core skills that changes everything: earning trust. I share how my background in crisis and hostage negotiation shaped the way I approach step parenting conflict, especially the power of active listening. Trust is not granted because you are the adult, it is built through consistency, patience, and real curiosity about what the child is experiencing. I also talk about how holidays, traditions, and co parenting differences can add pressure, and why trying to “win” usually backfires.  Another key thread is meaning making, the stories we attach to events like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or the fear of having “no rights” as a step parent. Those stories can quietly create resentment, jealousy, or anxiety unless we name them and challenge them. I also touch on the reality that step parenting can break your heart sometimes, and why pausing before you react can protect the relationship you are trying to build.  If you want practical step parenting advice, calmer blended family communication, and fewer painful spirals, listen through to the end and take one idea into your next tough conversation. Subscribe, share this with a step parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support, what part do you want to work on next? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

A 14-hour bus ride, four hours along some very challenging roads and a village welcome filled with singing and dancing. It sounds like a travel story, but my trip to Tanzania became something much more. I came home thinking about communication, community, education and how much we can understand about another human being — even when we don't speak the same language. In this episode of Let's Talk About, I share three lessons that have stayed with me. First, the power of community. I saw what can happen when people collaborate, share responsibility and, importantly, listen to what their community actually needs. Arriving exhausted to an incredible welcome of singing and dancing reminded me just how powerful human connection can be. Second, the power of education. During a visit to a secondary school, I heard the Nelson Mandela quote: “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” It made me reflect on how easily we can take access to education for granted and what I can practically do to help create opportunities for others. I also share the commitment I've made to help fund a teacher in the community. And third, something my years as a hostage and crisis negotiator have taught me time and again: emotion needs no translation. We might look different. We might dress differently. We might use different words. But we experience many of the same emotions. During one particularly emotional moment with a young woman in the village, language sometimes failed us — but listening didn't. Tone mattered. Body language mattered. Being present mattered. And sometimes that is all another person needs from us. I came home from Tanzania incredibly grateful — not only for the experience and the wonderful people I met, but for many of the things in my own life that I sometimes forget to stop and appreciate. Perhaps that's the biggest lesson of all. Sometimes we need to stop long enough to notice just how much we already have. 🎙️ Let's Talk About with Nicky Perfect BEM — conversations about communication, conflict and navigating some of life's toughest moments. If this episode makes you stop and think, please subscribe, share it with someone who might enjoy it, and let me know which of the three lessons stayed with you.  conversation. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

One small moment can light a fuse: a late sleep-in, a sharp comment, a meeting that goes sideways, a family gathering where you brace for tension. I’ve just come back from a life-shifting trip that left me feeling deeply grateful, and it also got me thinking about why we struggle so much with the conversations we know we need to have. The truth is that most conflict isn’t only about the topic, it’s about the meaning we assign to it and the beliefs we’re defending.  I walk through what a “difficult conversation” really is, why clashing opinions can turn into sarcasm, silence, or a shouting match, and how misreading motives creates distance fast. A generational example shows how two people can care about each other and still spiral into conflict when nobody says what’s actually going on. We also dig into the hard ones that linger for years, where memory gets fuzzy, resentment burns in the background, and you start wondering if avoiding the talk is saving the relationship or slowly costing it.  We’ll get practical about consequences and confidence at work, including the language of “superiors” and how giving away your power can quietly shape every interaction. I share the E + R = O idea (event plus response equals outcome), plus simple reflection questions to help you notice your triggers and choose your next move with intention. I also mention the Positive Parenting Summit coming on 15 May 2027, focused on tools for real-life parenting challenges. If this helps, subscribe, share the episode, and leave a review so more people can find support with difficult conversations and conflict resolution. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Trust is harder than ever to win, and easier than ever to lose. We sit down with Bradley Harris, a boutique strategic advisor with years in boardrooms and high-stakes environments, to break down what trust actually looks like in real communication, not theory. When media channels are fragmented and people are tired of excuses, we argue for a simple standard: tell the truth, be transparent, and take accountability without hiding behind fluffy language. From stakeholder engagement to crisis communication, Bradley explains why consistent updates matter even when you don’t have much to say. A steady cadence reduces fear, slows rumours, and helps customers, employees, and the public feel grounded. We also explore how alignment really happens: getting clear on mission and vision, shaping positioning and messaging, and making sure everyone is “singing from the same hymnal” while still respecting different audiences. We go deep on the skill that quietly powers all of it: observation. Bradley shares the advice “be the dirt”, learn every crack and crevice before you speak, and why it’s perfectly credible to say “I’m not sure, I’ll look into it.” We wrap with practical ways to practise better communication every day, including volunteering for real reps, being direct, and closing the loop so nothing dangles. If you want clearer internal communications, stronger public relations, and more trust with stakeholders, press play. Subscribe, share this with a colleague who leads through messages, and leave a review with the one communication habit you’re working on next. To find out more about Bradley website: thebradleyharris.com linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/bradley-harris-a4649360 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61591662461833&sk=about Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

The news can make your chest feel heavy in seconds. One brutal headline, one angry debate, one more “nothing I do will matter” thought and suddenly you’re stuck in helplessness. We wanted to sit with that feeling and ask a simple, uncomfortable question: do we actually have choice when the world feels out of control? We start with climate change because it’s a perfect mirror for modern overwhelm. Some people are certain it’s accelerating, others doubt it, and many sit somewhere in the middle feeling paralysed by scale. If bigger countries and bigger systems drive most emissions, what difference can your two-bedroom house make? We talk about the “enough trap”, why small actions still have value, and how shifting your language from “I can’t” to “What can I do?” changes your brain from shutdown to problem-solving. From there we zoom into what we know from crisis and conflict: you can’t change other people, but you can influence them, and you always have a choice in how you respond. That’s easy to say and hard to do when your nervous system is in fight flight freeze. We unpack how to find a little space before you react, why respectful disagreement is a skill, and how tiny choices in communication can either validate someone or quietly devalue them. We also bring in Viktor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning, testing his claim that the last human freedom is choosing your attitude. Using E + R = O (event + reaction = outcome), we connect philosophy to real life, from everyday frustration to moments of crisis, and share a negotiation story that captures what control really looks like. If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with someone who feels overwhelmed, and leave a review so more people can find it. What’s one “What can I do?” step you’re choosing today? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

“You’re nice to us.” That’s what the kids said when Sally Michaels asked why they could learn in her setting but not in school, and it’s the line that frames everything we explore here. Sally runs Blue Squid, a non-school alternative provision supporting young people aged 9 to 16 who are struggling with school attendance, especially neurodivergent teenagers who feel crushed by rigid rules, sensory stress, and constant pressure to perform. We get into what changed after COVID and why so many schools drifted toward high control when the system demanded quick academic catch-up. Sally shares what she sees behind the scenes: bright students with huge aspirations who have lost confidence, families who feel dismissed with “they’re fine in school,” and teens who hold it together all day then unravel at home. We also talk about what flexibility can look like in real life, including realistic GCSE pathways, spreading exams over time, and building a bespoke plan that reduces harm while keeping doors open. You’ll hear clear explanations of PDA (pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy), why everyday demands can trigger fight or flight, and why neurodivergence can overlap with trauma responses. Sally breaks down an easy brain-state model (executive, emotional, survival) and we spend time on a topic that doesn’t get enough airtime: shame, how it grows, and how it can drive anxiety, self-harm, and crisis if nobody names it. If you’re parenting a teenager who is struggling with school, or you’re recognising yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support and language to move forward. To get in contact with Sally visit: Sally Michaels | LinkedIn bluesquidlearning.com Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

The moment you realise you need to say “Mum, Dad, we need to talk” can hit like a wave. Not because you don’t love them, but because the topics are loaded: driving safety, memory changes, money worries, and the painful question of whether they can still live independently. I’m sharing a solo, honest walk-through of how I’ve handled these conversations in my own family and what I’ve learned from working with older adults, where dignity matters just as much as safety.  We start with driving because it is often an older person’s lifeline and identity. I explain why “You need to stop” usually triggers resistance, and how adult-to-adult communication helps you stay connected. You’ll hear a practical way to open tough conversations from their perspective, keep the focus on the issue rather than the person, and use calm observational language that reduces conflict. We also get into memory and possible dementia, including how to describe what you’re noticing without blame or labels, so you’re more likely to get a response instead of a defensive reaction.  We then tackle the messy, real-world stuff families whisper about: uncomfortable language, generational belief clashes, technology fear, online banking scams, and money decisions that can put older parents at risk. Finally, we talk about you, because caregiving stress is chuffing hard, and support matters. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone in the sandwich generation, and leave a review so more people can find practical help when they need it most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Death admin is one of those tasks that feels “optional” right up until the day it becomes urgent. We sit down with Caro from Your Final Matters to talk about the reality facing the sandwich generation: juggling work, kids, and ageing parents while trying to avoid conversations about funerals, wills, powers of attorney, and what happens if someone loses capacity. Caro shares a practical, compassionate approach to end-of-life planning and estate planning that starts with trust, not paperwork. We unpack the beliefs that make families shut down, like “talking about death brings it closer” or “my kids will sort it out,” and why anger is often a cover for fear, loss, and the need for control. If you have ever tried to raise these topics with a parent or partner and hit a wall, you will recognise the patterns and learn ways to ease the pressure. We also get concrete about the big protectors: power of attorney in the UK and the real “cost of doing nothing,” plus digital legacy planning. Passwords, online banking, and hidden accounts can trap money and create chaos for executors, which is why Caro argues for a simple system and even the idea of a digital executor. You will also hear how her Sunflower Stories project uses a sunflower as a gentle prompt to spark one hard conversation and one small action, without the dread. If this resonates, share it with someone who keeps saying “we’ll deal with it later,” and then take one step today. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what is the first document or conversation you want to tackle? Find out more from Caro here: https://yourfinalmatters.co.uk/ https://www.instagram.com/yourfinalmatters/ https://www.facebook.com/yourfinalmatters https://www.linkedin.com/in/carosyson/ Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

One phone call can split your life into a before and after and grief rarely stops at just one loss. I’m joined by Lisa Archer from Holistic Life Coaching, who shares her deeply personal story of receiving a brain cancer diagnosis for her dad while living thousands of miles away in the UK, then facing the jolt of sudden loss soon after. We talk candidly about the difference between anticipatory grief and unexpected death, and why your coping style can change from one bereavement to the next without you doing anything “wrong.” Lisa also opens up about the hidden weight so many people carry: managing everyone else’s emotions while your own grief sits in the background. We get practical about grief literacy and support, including what not to say (“I know exactly how you feel”), why ghosting someone is so painful, and how to show up in a way that keeps the focus on the person who is grieving. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by other people’s reactions at the worst moment of your life, you’ll feel seen here. We then move into healing tools that are both grounded and human: therapy and bereavement counselling, guided meditation, movement, mindset without toxic positivity, and a simple gratitude practice to stop the mind from spiralling. Lisa shares how those same tools supported her through early breast cancer detection and a double mastectomy decision, plus why boundaries and environment matter when your energy is limited. Finally, we explore identity after loss including ambiguous grief from retirement, relationship change, and major life transitions, with a clear starting point: reconnect with your core values and ask yourself, “What do I love?” If this conversation helps, please subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support. Connect with Lisa Links: https://holisticlifecoaching.org.uk/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisamariearcher/ https://www.facebook.com/coachlisaarcher https://www.facebook.com/holisticlifecoachingwithlisamarie/ https://www.instagram.com/holistic_coach_lisa/ Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

You can spend decades thinking you are disorganised, too intense, too sensitive, or simply “not trying hard enough” and still look like you have it together. Then one ADHD assessment lands, and suddenly your whole timeline rearranges itself. I’m Nicky, and I’m joined by therapist Rachel Young for a candid, sometimes emotional conversation about being assessed for combined ADHD in midlife, and what it’s like to finally have language for patterns we’ve carried since childhood.  We dig into why the word “diagnosis” can feel uncomfortable, and why we prefer thinking about neurodiversity as a culture the world often fails to accommodate. We talk about masking, high achievement, and the exhausting gap between what people see and what’s happening underneath. If you’ve ever pushed harder and harder, only to crash the moment you stop, you’ll recognise the cycle. We also get practical about executive function and coping tools: time blindness, overplanning to compensate, missing things even with a colour-coded diary, and the very real shame that can follow.  You’ll hear how ADHD can show up differently in women, how childhood experiences shape adult self-talk, and why perimenopause and menopause can make old coping strategies stop working. We also touch on friendships, the pressure to “do relationships right”, and the relief of finding people who understand that silence does not equal lack of care. We end with the most important takeaway: shifting the inner voice from criticism to compassion, and building support that fits your brain.  If this resonates, share it with someone who needs kinder explanations for their life, then subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what part of ADHD do you wish people understood better? Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Your dog is not ignoring you, they are choosing what feels most meaningful in the moment. That one idea reshapes everything, from recall training to the way we speak to the people we love. We sit down with Sam (Sameaysam.com), a relationship-first dog professional who can walk dozens of dogs off leash, and we dig into what actually makes that possible when the forest is full of better distractions than us.  We talk about the hidden communication gap between owners and dogs and why “more training” can sometimes be more ego than help. Sam shares how moving to Quebec without the language forced him to become a sharper observer, then how that same observation shows up in dog behaviour, reactivity, and what people call aggression. The thread running through it all is conscious presence: paying attention to patterns, responding instead of reacting, and choosing connection when control is tempting.  The conversation gets personal too: gratitude, forgiveness, and how meditation (including a 10-day Vipassana) can reveal the mind’s looping stories so we can finally break them. We also cover practical life design, like changing your environment, choosing your circle, and using supportive tools like sound socialization resources. Sam also shares where to find free gifts and a community where you can ask questions beyond dogs.  If you want better dog behaviour, calmer walks, and stronger relationships at home, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave us a five-star review. What’s one pattern you want to change this week? for more about Sam visit his website www.samaysam.com Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk

Someone tells you, “I can’t do this anymore,” and suddenly every sentence you’ve ever known disappears. That freeze is normal, but it’s also the moment where a few simple words and a steady presence can change the direction of a life. We’re sharing what I’ve been teaching across the UK from my work in hostage and crisis negotiation, sparked by a question from GP practice managers after a young person threatened suicide in a surgery. We talk plainly about why you should not be afraid to say the word suicide, how direct questions can create a safer space, and what to keep in mind about risk, support, and your own safety. I also point to the wider ecosystem of good practice around crisis communication, including work aligned with Shout, the Samaritans, and Professor Liz Stokoe’s focus on how language shapes outcomes. Then we break down a framework you can actually remember under stress: OARS from motivational interviewing. We cover Open questions that invite more than yes or no, the TED prompts (Tell me, Explain to me, Describe to me), Affirmations and validation that avoid cliché reassurance, Reflective listening that mirrors back what you see and hear, and Summaries that prevent misunderstandings. We also add one often-missed skill in suicide prevention and mental health support: silence, used with care, to communicate “I’m here” without trying to fix everything. If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with someone who supports others, and leave a review so more people can find these suicide intervention and de-escalation skills when they need them most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training:  🌐 www.nickyperfect.com  🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk