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Matt's got another dose of cold opens for us this week. If you've been following the political saga of Nick Fabricilo (however it's spelled) through Matt's reports over the years, then boy, do we have a whopper for you.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. One era's rejected art is another era's glorious discovery. One man's delusional fever dream is another man's astounding achievement in unintentional comedy. This week on the Free Legal Advice Podcast, we watch and discuss Miami Connection. If you don't know what that is, you're in for a treat. If you do know what that is, then you already know that you're in for a treat.

This week's episode is about everyday heroes. Somehow, that definition fits people who do little kindnesses for others, people who run small businesses, and people who swing weapons around for no reason. Does that make sense? That's up to you, LCT.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. There are even more video games with weird names that I own, and they are begging to be prodded for your amusement. Just look. Look at them beg. Do you see it? They're doing it right now. Oh, they stopped. But they were definitely doing it, trust me.

Why would anyone watch minor league sports? I mean, besides the fact that it's incredibly cheap entertainment and seems to have nearly a universally positive reputation. Outside of that, what's the draw? Nothing! This is why we need to set meaningless Guinness world records, or velcro fans to things. Every seat needs an ass, after all.

They just keep coming. Every time, I have to bang my head against the wall, trying to find another alliterative title. Every time I eventually succeed, I think that this, finally, will be the last time. And every time, there's more. There's always more. We will never stop. Why do I fight? Why don't I just give in? Don't I deserve, at long last, to rest?

As of this date, September 14, 2026, I apparently own 598 video games. I had to look it up on the app I made to keep track of all the video games I own, so I don't accidentally buy the same one twice. It was a problem. Do I own too many? No. I haven't played lots of the ones I own, but I also haven't played lots of the ones I don't own. That's somehow an excuse to keep buying things I don't need, right? Anyway, it was hard to resist calling this episode "It Is the 90's, and There Is Time for FLAP." You'll find out what that means.

Against all odds, I found another alliterative title for one of these "podcast potpourri" episodes. Phew! I'm not sure if I can conjure up another one, but I probably won't ever have to do it again. In fact, the odds that there's another one of Ben's podcast potpourri episodes coming in exactly two weeks have got to be microscopic, right? There's no way...

Things ain't worth what they use-ta be, no sir. I reckon a feller could look mighty hard fer somethin' that feels worth-a-damn and come up plum empty. I don't know why I'm talking like this. Send help.

I know, I know, we've done an episode on board games already. Keep your shirt on, Zombie J. But THIS time, we're focusing only on incredibly complex board games. It's all new content for once!

Did you know that the average fact annoys the living bajesus out of Ben? Did you know that bajesus is what they call Jesus in Australia? Did you know that Australia has more sheep than people? Did you know that sheep wool grows three times faster than human hair? Did you know that a human hair weighs more than ten trillion bacteria? Did you? Huh? DID YOU????

Don't fire until you see the whites of the eyes of that abstract concept! That's how wars are won. It's all about which part of the eye you can see. Obviously, the army with better vision wins every single time.

I'll just save you some time: If you're wondering whether or not I know a certain song, the answer is probably no. If the song was recorded at some point after my own birth, it's a mortal lock. The answers I give to the questions you are about to hear are absolutely true. Yes, I really am that weird.

You stumble upon a rogue podcast. It greets you warmly. To respond in kind, go to Episode 260. To ask it to repeat itself, go to Episode 383. To sit down, douse yourself in gasoline, and light a match, go to Episode 8.

Your lifestyle, nay, your entire personality, will consist of nothing but purchasing items with our logo on them. That will be the sum total of who you are as a human being. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on us. That is, if we did this thing right. Otherwise, it'll be business as usual. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on something else.