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Feels like just yesterday we were recording our 2024 Wrap-Up, and yet here we are. This year felt like it both went lightning fast yet also lasted a thousand years. It was a rough one, but here we still are. Usually I use these descriptions to be a goofy haha clown who thinks (incorrectly) that he is very funny, but in this specific instance I just don’t know if I feel it. I hope you enjoy this more laid back episode featuring us talking about some of our favorite media of the year, I hope it brings you comfort if you need it and I especially hope it turns you on to some stuff you might have missed. We’re still here, and we’ll be back with more Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance very soon. Hang in there, friends. Love you all, happy new year.

Don’t look at the calendar. Today we finally bring you the second part of our discussion on Smashterpiece #50, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance! Stop looking at it. There’s lots of stuff in this game, there’s swords, there’s magic, there’s uncomfortable conversations about racism and classism and how they shape the systems that build our societies, there’s people who can turn into cats. The date doesn’t matter, stop it. Ike’s got a big sword that he swings around and that’s pretty cool. I will take that calendar away I swear to god. Lethe is also very cute and I wish she’d disembowel me but we don’t have to worry about that. Fine, it’s been a full year, okay? Okay?? You happy now? Put the CALENDAR AWAY. YOU’RE RUINING THE HOLIDAYS.

Sorry I just woke up from a nap. … That can’t actually be the date, right?

It all began when I was just a kid, bouncing on my father’s knee. You see, I’m a podcaster, from a long line of podcasters. There was Podcastkhamen III, Ryuichi Podcast, Sir Augestine of Podcast, Drake Podcast, Old Sally Podcast, Otto Von Podcast, Bob Podcast, Salim al-Podcast, B.F. Podcast, Henriette Podcast, “Tennessee Kid” Podcast, Dev Podcasinda, Conner Podcast, Slaigh MacPodcast, Karin Podcastgiwa, Sir Galleth Podcast, Thaddeus Winslow Podcast III, and, of course, Serial. Join us next time as we go BAACK IN TIIIIIIIIIIIME! (Fire Emblem will continue soon, we promise, we’re not dead yet!)

Hey kids, upset that we only released a grand total of 7 episodes of Smashterpieces in the year 2024? Well, how about we make it up to you by giving you an episode that is way too long! It’s like three episodes in one! That’s how content works. There’s even a part 2 that will come out soon! Yeah!!

I present to you this lukewarm defense of the one named Boyd: yeah sure he sucks, and he’s bad at combat, and he got his ass beat by a child that one time, and the only girl his age thinks he’s a huge dumb loser, and nobody actually values his opinion, and he seems weirdly full of himself despite all the abuse, and he’s definitely never gonna be in charge of anything, and his brothers are both more liked than him somehow, and… sorry, I lost my train of thought, what were we talking about? Aw, whatever. Let’s just move on to part one of our discussion on Smashterpiece #50 (oh my god what do you mean 50): Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, this episode covering up to the end of Chapter 8. It’s the game with the swords and the grids and please stick around, yes I know the last one took a really long time but we’re- no hey come back, just give us a chance! Don’t take the kids! We’ll be back soon with more discussion on Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance!

Space. Some say it’s the final frontier, but I never watched Star Trek so honestly I wouldn’t say that. Nobody can hear you scream in space, though! … But I haven’t seen Alien, either. Neither of these things has anything to do with the topic of this episode, the only slight thread that can be found is the fact that they all take place in space to some degree. Sure, not entirely in space. In fact some might say the amount of times our subject isn’t in space is too many. That subject is Smashterpiece #49: Star Fox: Assault, where space ships are reportedly part of the whole experience. I don’t know where I’m going with this and the meds are kicking in. Which meds? Iunno, Peppy had a lot sitting on his desk and I just sorta went ham. The music in this game is pretty alright, though! I don’t like dinosaurs. Does anybody else see those bugs? Please call a doctor. Join us next time as we sharpen our swords and return to war in Smashterpiece #50, Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance

I don’t wanna write this episode description. You can’t make me write it. What did this game do for me that makes it deserve an episode description from Michelin five star episode description chef Joe? Oh, what, is it pretentious to give myself five stars? It’s called self-confidence and I’m usually devoid of it, unlike the protagonist of Smashterpiece #48, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes, Samus Aran. She fights those there Ing and she does it without breaking a sweat! I assume. She wears a helmet, it’s difficult to tell. Anyways, no matter what Melanie says I don’t believe I owe this game my time in writing an episode description. I won’t be bullied into it, there’s nothing you or those Luminoths or any other space bugs can say that will change my mind. Especially not Spider Guardian, don’t you DARE bring up Spider Guardian, stupid rolly thing it doesn’t even look like a spider, can’t even do that right. With that being said, I’ll just stop writing and read over what I- OH GOD DAMNIT. Join us next time as we enter THE BUG WARS (or something) in Smashterpiece #49: Star Fox Assault

So I’m talkin’ to this fella, right? And I says to him, I says, “I crashed my ship on this planet and now you tell me it’s planets? Two of ‘em?” And he says, here’s what he says, “my people are dying in an endless war between light and dark, please help us.” I say “fella listen up I just got here and you’re lookin’ for money? What is this, my most recent divorce trial?” He looks at me and he says “I need you to collect energy from the Ing and bring it back to this temple in order to help turn the tides.” I sit down cause this is a lot, I say “listen fella you want energy? So do I! Tired all the time, like I’m some kinda old coot!” He says “Go to the Agon Wastes.” I say “Buddy lemme tell ya I know a lot about waste, cause I’m a waste of space!” Then he shot me! This episode covers up to the end of the Agon Wastes. We’ll be back soon with more discussion on Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

ATTENTION! If you or a loved one was diagnosed with “Possession” via a “Shadow Queen”, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Shadow Queen Possession is a rare Ghost Thing linked to crystal star exposure. Exposure to crystal stars on a skeleton’s ship, a fancy train, an unproperly sanitized fighting ring, a god awful tree, a creepy steeple, or The Moon may have put you at risk. Please don’t wait. Call into your nearest sewer drain for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. The packet will have all the info you need for the final episode of discussion on Smashterpiece #47, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. Shadow Queen Possession patients call now. Join us next time as we move to the next phase(on) in Smashterpiece #48: Metroid Prime 2: Echoe

Hey, woah, bro! What you got there, bro? A hammer, bro? What are you, some kind of Hammer Bro, bro? Are you gonna hit me, bro? All because I pulled a harmless little prank, bro? It was just a prank, bro! Just because I turned your dad into a pig, bro? Just because I pig’d your dad, bro? You’re gonna hit me with a hammer, bro? Not cool, bro. Bruh, bro… I don’t really know how to transition from this terribly stupid bit into actual information, bro. This episode covers chapters 4-6 for what it’s worth, bro. We laughed and we cried, bro. Much like how I’m gonna cry if you keep swinging that hammer, bro. C’mon, bro. I just don’t underst- We’ll see you next time as we wrap up Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (bro)

2023 was the year of a lot of things. Playing Smashterpieces games was not one of them. We’ll be back soon with more Paper Mario (I promise).

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! ACTUALLY IT’S THURSDAY! THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY! ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAWL? A BOUT? A GOD DAMN DONNYBROOK? YOU’RE IN THE PIT, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE TITLE MATCH! IN ONE CORNER THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE SHINING, THE SPECTACULAR, THE FEATHER BOUND, THE BIRD, RAAAAAAWK HAAAAAAWK! IN THE OTHER CORNER THE MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHIOED MENACE AND HIS SON, A LITERAL INFANT BORN HALF AN HOUR AGO! IT’S THE GREAAAAT GONZALES! IN TONIGHT’S MA- *ahem* oh god, it turns out screaming for an entire one of these descriptions does not do good things for the throat. This is part one of our discussion on Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. It covers the start of the game to the end of chapter 3, so I hope you’re ready to hear about why we miss the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, why we did not enjoy playing Bad Pikmin, and why it’s time to RAAAAAAWK. Or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer. We’ll be back soon with Part 2 of our discussion, which will cover chapter 4 to the end of chapter 6!

Space Log #223: We’ve landed on Planet Zebes but we have lost our power suits, and therefore have lost the shell that protects our small and fragile human bodies. Worry not, though, as the hard shell on our hearts still remains. Well, mine does, I can’t actually speak for Matt. Sadly this particular hard shell is only metaphorical, as the heart is also squishy and made of pierceable flesh. I admit that maybe buying the cheapest pistols at Space Costco for our emergency kit was not the smartest idea, but I will never say out loud that Matt was right when he yelled at me for buying them. The guy at the store said these were the ones we wanted! We’re fine. It’s fine. Anyways, that’s not what this log is actually about, we’re actually going to talk about Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission. How does it compare to the original? What about to other remakes in the series, such as the remakes of Metroid II? How is the new section at the end? THE GUNS ARE FINE, STOP WHINING OR I WON’T GIVE YOU ANY MORE DISCOUNT SPACE RATIONS. THEY WERE ON SALE. Join us next time as we flatten and fold into the world of Smashterpiece #47: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

I wanna be the very best, or at least passable in the eyes of my peers. See, that’s the difference between you and I. You pick a Charmander because it’s the only one that gets to learn fly when it’s fully evolved, but that’s just the easy route. It works, yeah. But have you ever considered a Squirtle? It’s the only one that doesn’t get any dual typing at all, that’s the true patriot’s path. Back in my day we had to evolve uphill both ways, you damn kids have it too easy, everybody should have to suffer like I did. What was I talking about? Oh right, this episode is talking about Smashterpiece #45: Pokémon FireRed and LeafGreen, our first real Pokemon game. Things did not go according to plan. That’s another thing you young’uns don’t get: plans! And home ownership! Anyways we’re joined by our friend Devon as we delve into the region of Kanto for a remake of the original Pocket Monster collecting games. Who are you? Where are my teeth? Join us next time as we return to Planet Zebes but this time for the first time in Smashterpiece #46: Metroid: Zero Mission