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“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” —Proverbs 16:9 NLT We just don’t know what we don’t know. History gives us some pretty funny stories of people who tried to predict the future but got it embarrassingly wrong. One great example is from 1962, when a record executive told the Beatles they “have no future in show business” because four-piece groups with guitars are a thing of the past.  Oops. The only thing we can be certain about this side of heaven is that our lives are going to be uncertain. We don’t know that the next year holds for us or our kids.  But God does. In the middle of uncertainty for Joshua, God reminded him that “every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you” (Joshua 1:3 ESV). The message to Joshua is the same message for us: with God directing our steps, not even one of them is unexpected or without purpose to the One who authors them all. This week, we’re praying for our kids to understand that what’s uncertain to them is anything but unexpected or unplanned to God. Knowing that, we can put our trust in the One who not only knows the future but also writes it. Lord, you don’t just know what the future holds, you are the future. Help [name] to stand firm in the face of uncertainty, knowing that you determine their steps and, in doing so, go before and behind them with power and authority over all things. We don’t know what we don’t know—but you do.  God’s word speaks: Romans 8:28; Philippians 1:6; Isaiah 45:2; Proverbs 3:6 Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I have long admired Laney Rene online and was so thrilled to get a chance to know her through this interview. She is beyond her years in wisdom and her faith has always inspired me. She’s a young mom so those of you with littles will definitely relate to our episode. She shares so tenderly about the loss of her son and how she experienced God in a new way through her pain. So many of you have gone through or are enduring tremendous pain. Painful parts of our story can feel so very crushing and devastating. So, how do we choose hope over despair? I believe Laney Rene’s story will encourage you. My favorite part is when she talks about when you know that God is real. And what to do when you doubt that he is real or that he is actually speaking to you.  I pray you will feel so very seen and loved through this conversation about how much God loves his daughters.  During this episode, we discuss: How to allow God into the most painful parts of your lifeHow to choose hope over despair How to discover how much Jesus truly loves you and sees you as his own child   Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” —Hebrews 12:11 ESV Nobody lacks self-discipline like our precious two-year-olds. Their language repertoire is heavy with words like no, mine, and more—typically accompanied with a hearty side of theatrics. As cute as it might be when they are young (or not), a lack of self-discipline creates some big issues later in life. Self-discipline (or lack thereof) will impact every part of our kids’ lives, including their dating relationships, finances, online accountability, marriage, physical health, and even their occupations. The author of Hebrews reminds us that discipline isn’t fun in the moment, but it’s a key step in the pathway to righteousness. The good news is that self-discipline isn’t just a matter of mustering up enough willpower. Rather, it's a God-given perspective that the greater reward in waiting is better than the immediate temptation we’re facing. Warren Wiersbe says it this way: “Discipline means giving up the good and the better for the best. There is nothing wrong with food or fun, but if they interfere with your highest goals, then they are hindrances and not helps.” Let’s ask God to give our kids the self-discipline to look away, walk away, or find a way to pass on anything that interferes with God’s highest goals in their lives. Jesus is worth waiting for, and self-discipline eliminates the pain and discouragement of settling for less than his best in their lives. Lord, help [name] to have the self-discipline to pass up the good in order to accomplish the great you have planned for them. Give my children an eye for your bigger picture in all areas of their lives, knowing the ultimate goal of righteousness is worth waiting for.  God’s word speaks: 1 Corinthians 9:24Proverbs 25:282 Timothy 1:71 Corinthians 9:27 Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Well, it makes perfect sense that I have a minor cryfest on this episode. In this conversation with Jennie Allen, we dive into our feelings and emotions and what to do with those.  You may have many feelings (like myself) or you may lean towards suppressing your emotions. Either way, we ALL have emotions and it’s important to understand how we handle those as faith-filled parents.  I get super teary as we talk about our mutual friend, Wynter Pitts, and how her death really sent me for a loop. In that season, I felt grief like I never had before and wasn’t sure what to do with that. Jennie is the real deal as you will see. She pauses in the midst of the interview to affirm my grief and why that loss hurt so much.  My favorite part is towards the end when we discuss how often our emotions get tangled up with our kids. When they hurt, we really hurt. She gives a couple practical ways we can avoid getting pulled into their worlds so far that we risk co-dependence.  Don’t miss this episode! Learn more about… Why do we fear our emotions and avoid leaning into them?What do you do when you feel something?How to handle emotions when you’re an emotional mess or love to suppress?How do we care for our kids without going down emotionally every time? Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo Resources from today’s show: Jennie’s new book, Untangle Your Emotions JennieAllen.com LifePlan with Brooke Warnock  Wynter’s Funeral Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:20 We are on week 23. I am so proud of us! We have prayed every week together on Pardon The Mess for our kids.  Today’s prayer features our friend Jeannie Cunnion. I love her heart for Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. She’s written several books on this topic and encouraged me tremendously to lean into God’s presence in my parenting. Connect with Jeannie! Jeannie’s latest study - Never Alone Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Either you’re happy in your marriage and want to remain that way, or you are not that happy in your marriage right now and feel frozen on how to fix it. My guest today is Ted Lowe who is an author, speaker and podcast host who has been helping to strengthen marriages for over two decades. You’ll love his relatable and doable approach to marriage and leave this conversation feeling encouraged, not ashamed. In this episode, we talk about the secret to happy couples. Spoiler alert - it’s our thought life. Join us as we discuss how scripture, research and neuroscience together provide a simple way to rethink how we see marriage.  Ted gives us a couple of ways we can change our thought life today that will impact our marriage for the good. I was definitely convicted on this statement. Ted said, “how you think is how you treat them.” That is a true statement that I will remember for some time. My favorite part is when I ask Ted how a couple can take action together to improve their marriage. His answer may surprise you. It was a piece of advice I wish I had heard about 20 years ago. Let me know what you think! Enjoy! Courtney Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo Resources from today’s show: ForUsMarriage.com - Ted’s site Ted’s latest book: Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage The All Pro Dad Podcast Teen Study Bible Life is Messy, God is Good Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.” —Psalm 119:9   The idea of raising pure kids in an impure culture can feel like an impossibly tall order as parents. Defining purity can be confusing and is oftentimes limited to discussions of physical relationships or online accountability. We sometimes mistakenly make purity a goal our kids must achieve, staying away from certain things or even keeping on a prescribed path until the finish line of marriage.   Noel Bouche of Pure Hope Ministries says, “purity it not an accomplishment; it’s a relationship.” It’s a relationship with Jesus, who comes to redeem us from the sin of this world and purify us to himself (Titus 2:14). He renews our minds and equips us to overcome our earthly temptations. He cleanses us and makes us new creations. He gives hope that is everlasting and brings healing when we fall short.   Biblical purity is bigger than a checklist of things our kids should or should not do, but instead focuses on the bigger picture of the lifelong pursuit of Jesus. It’s not about our ability to perform but about Jesus’ transforming power within us.    There’s nothing wrong with praying for our kids to have purity in their physical relationships, the way they dress, the motivation behind their actions, their pursuit of Jesus, and the music and media that fill their minds. But let’s also pray that if and when they fall short, they know that the Lord stands ready to forgive them and give them a new beginning.    Lord, please bring [name] to you, purifying them through a renewing of their heart and mind. Give my kids the freedom to come to me no matter what they have seen or done, knowing that, as a family, we will offer grace and seek your wisdom. Help my kids to take captive their thoughts and find companionship with those seeking a pure heart and a life of righteousness.   God’s word speaks: Colossians 3:5, 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:8, Titus 2:13–14 Links mentioned: https://dannahgresh.com/should-i-stop-using-the-word-purity/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Stay-at-home and working-moms: Embrace the season you're in with Paula Faris As moms, we all work. We know that. However, our culture wants us to find a camp and defend it. We find ourselves in a “stay-at-home” world or a “working moms” world.  Paula Faris is a dear friend of mine and is just who we needed on this podcast topic. Like many of us, Paula has worked in many lanes since becoming a mom. She has worked full-time on Good Morning America and The View. She has also had a season at home with her kids and is now working from home on her new brand, Carry Media. Paula and I chat about how often we (moms) judge each other’s decisions and what we really need is support and understanding. What if we could end these mommy wars and all get on the same train of support?  In this episode, we also talk about how employers could help shift the work environment for mothers in the future. Paula speaks from the true heart of an advocate that is using her voice and platform to fight for the working moms. My favorite part is when Paula encourages moms to embrace each season. That we don’t need to defend our choices - but just follow God’s voice for our particular season and our family’s needs.  Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo Resources from today’s show: Paula’s book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Paula’s children’s book: Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? CARRY Media Paula’s Instagram Cynthia Yanof's book: Life is Messy, God is Good Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” —Jeremiah 17:7 We all want to raise confident kids, but the hard part is making sure their confidence comes from the right source: God himself. We live in a culture that esteems strong finances, good looks, prestigious jobs, and realized dreams—none of which are lasting or fulfilling.  When we look to find our confidence in the things of this world, we will never find satisfaction. Solomon, among the wisest and wealthiest of all time, describes the pursuits of this world as “utterly meaningless” (Ecclesiastes 1:2). He pursued everything the world had to offer only to conclude that there’s “nothing new under the sun” so we should only “fear god and keep his commandments.” The great irony of the gospel is that only in acknowledging our insufficiency can God do his greatest work by strengthening us. Let’s pray that our kids are marked by confidence in things with lasting value: The promise that God will complete every good work in them (Philippians 1:6)Their identity as children of God (2 Corinthians 5:17)The good news of the gospel and their eternity with Jesus (John 3:16)The opportunity to approach God boldly in prayer, knowing that he hears them (Hebrews 4:16) Lord, this world is filled with uncertainty that threatens to rock our confidence. But you are steadfast and reliable, showing favor on your children and building them up to accomplish your purposes. Please give [name] a confident spirit marked by their reliance on you. God’s word speaks: Psalm 27: 3, Philippians 4:13; Psalm 139:13–14; Romans 8:28 Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

She’s baaaccckkkk!!! Did you know that Cynthia Yanof was the first host of Pardon The Mess? She passed the podcast baton to me in May and through this process has become a dear friend. I’m absolutely thrilled to catch up with her today. We talk about how to find and follow the God-sized calling on your life. She shares about her personal journey with foster care and adoption and what that step of faith did for their family. It will get you so excited and expectant to look for what God is calling you to do and to run after it. We don’t want to miss these moments that matter in our lives! If we’re honest though, we often feel like we don’t know what that looks like and how to discern what God is saying to us. I also loved when we chatted about the world’s expectations for us (and our kids) to be extraordinary. Her encouragement for us to embrace the ordinary is really encouraging. We see measurable “success” all around us and it looks so very big and flashy. Cynthia reminds us that the most God-honoring things we can do each day are likely not measurable. Be sure to go check out her new book, Life Is Messy, God Is Good, that releases next week. We are so proud of you Cynthia! And thankful for the way you’ve model faithfulness to God for so many years.  Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo Resources from today’s show: Courtney & Cynthia - Pardon The Mess announcement Part 1 and Part 2 CynthiaYanof.Com Cynthia’s Instagram Cynthia’s Podcast Cynthia’s New Book: Life Is Messy, God Is Good Discipleship Guide:  cpgive.org  Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” —Isaiah 40:31 A few years ago, Pew Research released a poll revealing that seven in ten US teens considered anxiety and depression a major problem among their peers. Of those participating in the poll, 61 percent indicated they felt pressure to get good grades, while 29 percent felt pressure to look good and 28 percent felt pressure to fit in socially. Considering that our culture’s expectations are so often arbitrary and impossible to meet, it’s not surprising that our kids struggle with anxiety and depression. When the world ties our worth to materiality and performance, it feels hopeless because we’re only as good as our most recent accomplishment or latest accolade. But, as Christians, our hope is in the Lord. Practically speaking, that means we’re not looking to the world to meet our greatest needs and desires, Rather, we look to God. Biblical hope is not just desiring for something good to happen in our lives; it’s a confident expectation that God will actually do it. There are so many reasons for our kids to be hopeful in the Lord:  He has good plans for their lives (Jeremiah 29:11).He leads and teaches them in his ways (Psalm 32:8).He will fulfill his greater purpose in their lives (Psalm 138:8).He will establish their plans (Proverbs 16:3).He promises to work all things together for their good (Romans 8:28).The Pew Research statistics confirm what we already know: we need to diligently pray that our kids are not weighed down by impossible standards of our culture, but that they will be marked by a hope found only in the Lord. Lord, there is no hope without you. Use [name] as an instrument to take your hope to those around them. Take our days, Lord—the good, the bad, the easy, the hard—and show us the greater picture of hope found only in you. God’s word speaks: Ephesians 1:18; Jeremiah 29:11; Mark 9:23; Psalm 33:18 Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

David Thomas never disappoints! As a counselor with decades of experience, David has counseled thousands of families of boys. He brings powerful insight, practical tips, and heartfelt encouragement.  You may be wondering if you are failing at this parenting thing or if there might be something wrong with your son. After this episode, I think you will feel much better about your parenting and your amazing son.  David agrees with the assessment that there is a “boy crisis” happening, as this article suggests. Reach out to us on social media - do you agree? Are you seeing “disinterest” in your son’s world too? My biggest takeaway is when David distinguishes between “hard” and “harmful.” I have daughters - but I needed to hear this encouragement. Too often, I help them escape hard things because I believe they are in harm’s way when they are not. Many times, my kids are pushing back against discomfort and you’ll hear how this is needed and actually good for them. This is one of those episodes you need to listen to, file away, save, listen again, and then discuss with a friend. Do not lose hope! Jesus has you and your kiddos. I’m so thankful he brings us so many wonderful and biblical mentors like David Thomas to help guide us through these parenting challenges. Don’t miss the last part when David reminds us that we have an opportunity and many years left to equip, empower and encourage all the kids we love. Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian ParentingPardon The Mess Courtney DeFeo Resources from today’s show: Dr. Anthony Bradley article about boy crisis Daystar Counseling Raising Boys and Girls InstagramRaising Boys and Girls Podcast Raising Emotionally Strong Boys (for parents)Strong and Smart (guide for boys)Babbleland Breakout- Dead Sea Squirrels Our Sponsors: * Check out Armoire and use my code MESS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style * Check out Puro Air : https://getpuroair.com/ * Visit HomeThreads.com/MESS today and get a 15% off code for your first order! Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy