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We’ve all been there. A child pushes one button too many. An employee makes the same mistake for the fifth time. An athlete loses their composure at the worst possible moment. And suddenly, you’re pissed off. But here’s the question: Is losing your cool always a failure of leadership? Or are there situations where anger, confrontation, and even raising your voice serve a legitimate purpose? When Alabama head coach Kalen DeBoer confronted defensive back Dijon Lee Jr. following a costly personal foul, the moment sparked a familiar debate about coaching, accountability, and emotional control. Some saw a coach holding his player accountable. Others questioned whether DeBoer’s reaction demonstrated the very lack of emotional discipline he was criticizing. But the conversation shouldn’t end with whether a coach yelled at a player. It raises much bigger questions about how we lead, parent, discipline, and develop others. In this episode, we examine the uncomfortable relationship between compassion and accountability, including why protecting people from discomfort isn’t necessarily the same as caring for them. We also explore a concept I call ruthless compassion. Ruthless compassion isn’t about being unnecessarily harsh or confusing intimidation with leadership. It’s about having the self-awareness to recognize your own blind spots, the courage to confront uncomfortable realities, and enough healthy detachment to make difficult decisions when real consequences are involved. Because sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do won’t feel particularly compassionate in the moment. What You’ll Learn •⁠  ⁠When anger becomes a leadership tool versus a liability. Is raising your voice always evidence of poor emotional regulation? What’s the difference between deliberately expressing frustration and simply losing control? •⁠  ⁠What the Kalen DeBoer and Dijon Lee Jr. incident reveals about accountability. Why both the coach’s response and the player’s behavior deserve examination, and what this moment can teach us about emotional maturity under pressure. •⁠  ⁠Why compassion and accommodation aren’t the same thing. How well-intentioned parents, coaches, and leaders sometimes confuse supporting people with shielding them from consequences. •⁠  ⁠The hidden dangers of constantly protecting children from discomfort. Why disappointment, frustration, and failure are important experiences to learn to navigate, and how parents can provide support without constantly intervening. •⁠  ⁠Why accountability must work in both directions. It’s easy to demand emotional discipline from others. It’s much harder to examine whether your own ego, frustration, or insecurity is influencing how you respond. •⁠  ⁠The importance of healthy detachment. How to care deeply about someone without allowing their immediate emotional reaction to dictate your decisions. •⁠  ⁠When avoiding confrontation becomes selfish. Why the desire to be liked, maintain harmony, or avoid difficult conversations can sometimes create bigger problems for everyone involved. •⁠  ⁠The difference between consequences and cruelty. Why holding someone accountable doesn’t require humiliating them, and why making someone uncomfortable doesn’t automatically mean you’ve mistreated them. •⁠  ⁠Why being liked and being respected aren’t always compatible in the moment. How the need for approval can compromise our willingness to enforce standards and make unpopular decisions. Questions Worth Considering Is a parent doing their child a favor by constantly intervening when things get difficult? Can a coach express anger without becoming abusive? Are we becoming too quick to label uncomfortable interactions as harmful? And perhaps most importantly, how do we know whether we’re confronting someone because it’s genuinely necessary or because we’re simply looking for somewhere to direct our frustration? The goal isn’t to eliminate emotion from leadership. It’s to become more responsible for what we do with it. Whether you’re raising children, coaching athletes, managing employees, or simply trying to become more effective in your relationships, this episode challenges you to reconsider what compassion actually requires. Because caring about someone and making them comfortable aren’t always the same thing. And sometimes, the hardest person you’ll ever have to hold accountable is yourself. ⸻ 📚 Preorder My New Book — The Antihero Advantage If this conversation resonates with you, my new book, The Antihero Advantage, takes these ideas even further. It’s about understanding the parts of human nature we often prefer to ignore, navigating power dynamics, confronting our own blind spots, and becoming more adaptable and effective in how we lead, communicate, and influence others. Rather than offering another one-size-fits-all approach to leadership, this book explores what it actually takes to navigate the messy realities of working with people. Preorders matter tremendously, especially when it comes to getting a book into more hands. Every order helps support its reach, visibility, and the opportunity to bring these conversations to a much larger audience. And as a thank-you for your support, you can access exclusive bonus chapters when you preorder. 👉 Preorder The Antihero Advantage and get your bonus chapters here: https://theantiheroadvantage.com I genuinely appreciate your support. Whether you preorder a copy, share the book with a friend, or recommend it to someone navigating their own leadership challenges, it makes a difference.

You may think you know what makes your partner feel close to you. But what if you’re putting effort into the wrong thing? In this episode of Imperfect Relationships, Brett gets into the forms of intimacy couples often overlook—from emotional and intellectual connection to shared experiences—and offers a way to find out where your assumptions don’t match. Because a relationship can be solid in one area and lonely in another. The conversation also explores five relationship archetypes, from “heartfelt but hectic” to “devoted but divergent.” They aren’t diagnoses. They’re a way to put words to what’s happening—and start a more honest conversation about it.   In this episode: -Why “we’re fine” can hide very different experiences of a relationship -Five archetypes for describing the season a relationship is in -Why intimacy is more than sex—and why that distinction matters -The “intimacy menu”: a practical exercise for comparing what each partner values -How ordinary gestures, deep conversations, vulnerability, and shared experiences can carry different weight for each person -Why couples can feel disconnected even when they’re making an effort -How to talk about intimacy without treating it as taboo   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

In this episode, Brett dives into the relationship side of things, giving you a sneak peek into our Imperfect Relationships content. Whether we’re talking about relationships with your kids, your spouse, a romantic partner, or anyone else in your life, understanding attachment styles, setting expectations, and learning how to navigate the baggage we all carry is essential. Our family histories, previous relationships, past experiences, and personal insecurities all influence how we communicate, connect, and respond to conflict—often without us even realizing it. The good news? We can get better at all of it. Better conversations lead to stronger, healthier, and longer-lasting relationships. And whether you’re single, married, divorced, navigating a complicated relationship, or haven’t even considered finding a partner, the concepts covered in this episode can help you become more self-aware, communicate more effectively, and continue growing as a person. This episode is part of a multi-episode series exploring the messy realities of relationships, communication, and human behavior. We can’t wait to hear your thoughts! Interested in going deeper? We’re hosting our first live Imperfect Relationships course in 2027! For more information, reach out to [email protected]. You can also preorder Brett’s new book, The Antihero Advantage, on Amazon or at theantiheroadvantage.com. This book is designed to serve as a practical playbook for navigating conflict with the people you care about most, getting out of your own head, and becoming more effective in the moments that matter. Whether you’re dealing with chaos, self-doubt, people-pleasing, difficult conversations, or the internal struggles that keep you stuck, The Antihero Advantage offers principles and strategies you can return to again and again. Because better relationships don’t come from having all the answers. They come from learning how to navigate the complexities of being human.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE: •⁠ ⁠ Why your attachment style affects how you handle conflict, intimacy, and rejection •⁠ ⁠ How to start difficult conversations without triggering defensiveness •⁠  ⁠How to express your needs when your instinct is to withdraw or shut down •⁠ ⁠ How to set boundaries and expectations without creating resentment   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

When you’re going through a hard time, it can be easy to pull away from people. You don’t want to burden anyone. You don’t feel like explaining what’s going on. Talking about it isn’t going to magically fix anything. Or maybe you just want to get your shit together before anybody knows how much you’re struggling. All of that can make sense. It can also make things worse. In this episode, I talk about why we tend to isolate ourselves when life gets difficult, the difference between actually needing some time alone and shutting people out, and why the stories we tell ourselves about “handling it on our own” aren’t always as rational as they seem. We also get into why saying “I’m fine” makes it nearly impossible for people to know when we need them, how too much time alone with our own thoughts can distort our perspective, and why you don’t need a huge support system—or someone who can fix the problem—to benefit from letting another person in. You still have to deal with whatever is in front of you. Nobody else can do that part for you. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone.   For more tips and hands on guidance be sure to visit artofcoaching.com To Preorder Brett’s book go to https://theantiheroadvantage.com   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

Sometimes even the simple things in life feel like too much. Your to-do list keeps growing. People need things from you. You’re thinking about what needs to happen today, what you didn’t get done yesterday, and what’s waiting for you tomorrow. And sometimes it goes beyond being busy. You’re exhausted. You’re struggling. Even getting out of bed, answering the email, making the phone call, or doing something you normally wouldn’t think twice about can feel like a lot. When you’re in that state, being told to “prioritize better” isn’t always helpful. Sometimes you need to stop looking at everything in front of you and ask a much smaller question: What’s the smallest, yet meaningful next step I can take? That might mean handling something important at work. It might mean making the call you’ve been avoiding. Or it might simply mean putting your feet on the floor, taking a shower, eating something, or getting outside. In this episode, I talk about why focusing on everything at once makes it easier to get stuck, how to narrow your focus when life feels overwhelming, and why small actions matter more than we give them credit for. You don’t have to solve everything today. Figure out the next meaningful thing you can do. Do that. Then let it stack. Want help working through a challenge in your life, career, or business? Learn more about our 1-on-1 mentoring at artofcoaching.com/mentoring. My new book, The Anti-Hero Advantage, is for anyone tired of one-size-fits-all advice about leadership, communication, and influence. Learn more and order your copy at theantiheroadvantage.com. For more tools, events, and resources from Art of Coaching, visit artofcoaching.com.   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

“Leadership isn’t for me.  I’m naturally introverted, quiet, and shy - no one would ever listen to me.” Although this isn’t a direct quote, it’s a common excuse we hear from coaches, leaders, and business owners alike as to why they can’t (or won’t) lead or have the impact they want on those around them.  And to put it bluntly, this topic doesn’t get the amount of discussion it deserves. That’s why in today’s episode Victor Hall, VP of Operations at EXOS, provides insight on his own experience pursuing impactful leadership as an introvert.  Together, we explore how to influence others, navigate different conversational styles and break through the barriers of shyness.  Victor Hall has spent over 20 years training athletes, leading performance teams, and educating fellow coaches and trainers. During that time, he has worked within collegiate, private facilities, and military environments. Victor joined EXOS in 2010 as a Performance Manager of a Human Performance Program for the Department of Defense, and currently serves as the Vice President of Operations at EXOS. We cover a few key components that make up this pursuit of effective leadership, including: The secrets of making an impact as an introvert How self awareness contributes to leadership and creating a lasting impact Where his natural tendencies haven’t served him in the past What he does to embrace authenticity instead of trying to “fix” himself   Related Resources:  E202: Why Facts & Logic Don’t Change Our Minds E227: Stu McMillan: No B.S. Leadership Lessons from an Olympic Coach E240: The 4 Styles of Communication   How to Connect with Coach Hall: [email protected]   The Antihero Advantage: https://theantiheroadvantage.com/ Preorder Bulk Copies For your Team or Friends through Porchlight: https://www.porchlightbooks.com/products/antihero-advantage-brett-bartholomew-9780593712825   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

We all go through different seasons in life—and there will likely be at least four periods when we lose friends, gain new ones, or realize that certain relationships no longer work the way they once did. These changes rarely happen in isolation. They often arrive alongside job loss, career changes, family transitions, and other identity shifts that can make it feel like everything is happening at once. In this episode, Brett goes into the mailbag to answer questions from listeners dealing with flaky friends, one-sided relationships, career uncertainty, and major changes in how they see themselves. He covers how to have hard conversations with friends who may not be doing their part, how to take an honest look at whether you’re doing yours, and how to navigate these changes without constantly wondering, “Is it me?” “Am I screwed?” or “What the hell am I going to do now?” If nothing else, you’ll walk away with practical ways to handle the messy moments when your relationships, career, and sense of identity all seem to be shifting at once. For more practical guidance on navigating the messy realities of leadership and life, preorder Brett’s latest book, The Antihero Advantage.   The Antihero Advantage: https://theantiheroadvantage.com/ Preorder Bulk Copies For your Team or Friends through Porchlight: https://www.porchlightbooks.com/products/antihero-advantage-brett-bartholomew-9780593712825   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

In this more personal, laid-back episode, Brett gives you a few of his favorite recent reads, the Nerf guns he’s currently using to blast his son, the music he’s listening to right now, and a short teaser from his newest book, The Antihero Advantage. Sometimes it’s nice to just get a peek behind the curtain. This is one of those episodes you can throw on, roll the windows down, and enjoy—along with a few ideas, recommendations, and a first look at what’s coming in the new book. More sneak peeks from The Anti-Hero Advantage are coming soon. Until then, you can pre-order your copy at theantiheroadvantage.com or on Amazon.   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

There’s no shortage of information out there. If anything, we’re drowning in it. Wisdom is different. Wisdom is perspective you can actually use. It’s information that’s been distilled, reflected upon, screwed up a few times, revisited, and battle-tested in the real world. With about four months left in the year, I wanted to take stock of what I’ve learned, re-learned, and been reminded of throughout 2026. Some came from my own personal and professional experiences. Others came from conversations with clients and people we work with at Art of Coaching. None are meant to be earth-shattering. That’s kind of the point. In this episode, I get into: •⁠ ⁠Why you need to define what success actually means to YOU—and periodically revisit that definition. •⁠ ⁠Why knowing who you aren’t can sometimes be just as useful as knowing who you are. •⁠ ⁠What conflict tells you about the ceiling of a personal or professional relationship. •⁠ ⁠Why you shouldn’t expect the truth from someone who is lying to themselves. •⁠ ⁠The difference between what organizations say they value and what people are actually incentivized to protect. •⁠ ⁠Why old-fashioned things like handwritten notes, thoughtful messages, common courtesy, and simply giving a shit still matter. •⁠ ⁠Something I’ve been reminded of throughout the process of releasing my new book: people are often far more willing to help than we convince ourselves they are. There’s plenty of noise competing for your attention right now. My hope is that there are at least one or two things in here that make you stop, think, or look at something in your own life a little differently.   WHAT YOU’LL LEARN •⁠ ⁠How to separate your definition of success from everybody else’s. •⁠ ⁠Why self-awareness without conviction doesn’t get you very far. •⁠ ⁠What conflict, self-deception, and organizational politics can teach you about dealing with people. •⁠ ⁠Why some of the simplest habits still have an outsized impact on relationships and reputation.   PRE-ORDER HERE NOW! https://theantiheroadvantage.com/   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

In this follow-up episode, Brett doubles down on why being liked isn’t a prerequisite for effective leadership, while also exploring where the limits of that advice begin to show. Using a real-world case study of a high-performing professional who believes they were fired due to not being liked, and another client who thinks they were passed over for a promotion because they weren’t perceived as likable, Brett examines the more complex relationship between likability, competence, power, and leverage. He breaks down why doing great work isn’t always enough to protect you, how easily people can misread the political dynamics operating around them, and why your ability to withstand interpersonal friction often depends on how difficult you are to replace. The episode also explores research on why people sometimes prefer a likable colleague over a more competent one, when that preference flips, and why understanding who holds power—and what leverage you actually have—is essential to navigating any organization. The goal isn’t to become more agreeable or start chasing approval. It’s to understand the context you’re operating in well enough to know whose opinion matters, what makes you valuable, where your leverage comes from, and when being disliked can actually cost you. For more like this, pre-order Brett’s new book, The Antihero Advantage, now to learn more practical strategies for navigating power dynamics, communicating with different personalities, and making a bigger impact without relying on the tired leadership formulas that rarely survive contact with the real world.   PRE-ORDER HERE NOW! https://theantiheroadvantage.com/   For reference, see these previous episodes mentioned in this episode: •⁠ ⁠ Episode 214 of The Art of Coaching Podcast, “Why Great Leaders Shouldn’t Worry About Being Liked”: https://artofcoaching.com/e214/ •⁠ ⁠ Episode 438, “You Don’t Have to Be Liked: The Power of Not Being for Everyone” with Nathalia Melo: https://artofcoaching.com/e438/   WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE: •⁠  ⁠How to audit how much leverage you actually have •⁠  ⁠Why being great at your job may not be enough •⁠ ⁠ How to tell if your relationships are helping or hurting your career •⁠ ⁠ Ways to spot power dynamics you may be missing   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

My guest this episode is Nathalia Melo, a globally recognized fitness and performance coach, former Olympia champion, and Harvard Medical School Certified Wellness Coach. Nathalia is a globally recognized fitness and performance coach with over 17 years of experience helping high-performing women build bodies that support the level at which they operate in their careers and lives. A former Olympia champion and Harvard Medical School Certified Wellness Coach, Nathalia has spoken in over 30 countries, presented for Fortune 500 companies and AM100 law firms, and been featured in magazines worldwide. Today, she leads a multidisciplinary coaching practice that integrates training, nutrition, behavioral psychology, and lifestyle strategy to help busy professionals improve their physical capacity, energy, and long-term health. Through her Powerhouse coaching programs, Nathalia and her team, which includes Registered Dietitians and Licensed Counselors, have helped more than 5,000 women navigate the challenges of maintaining their health while leading demanding careers and families. Her work focuses on a population often overlooked in traditional wellness conversations: high-achieving women who understand health intellectually but struggle to apply it consistently within the realities of leadership, long hours, and high responsibility. Her mission is to help women operate at the highest level without sacrificing the health and physical capacity that makes sustained success possible. In this episode, Brett and Nathalia talk about how critical it is to be deliberate in all the things you do, but also to quit worrying about being liked. They talk about how, especially in today's performative culture where people are so worried about seeking validation, it will often derail you personally and professionally.   The conversation spans: -Professional development -Nathalia's backstory -Navigating conflict with your partner -Understanding how to better interact with your children -Figuring out and owning your real voice without constantly backtracking or seeking approval   You'll get things you can use immediately and then build off of that.   Find Nathalia: Website: nathaliamelofit.com Podcast: Unfiltered Fit Life (Apple, Spotify) Instagram: @nathaliamelofit YouTube: @natmelofit   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

We’ve all done it. There’s a conversation we need to have—whether it’s making a request, delivering difficult news, sharing information, repairing a relationship, or even giving a speech or presentation. Yet before we ever say a word, we convince ourselves it’s going to go far worse than it probably will. We think we’re going to annoy somebody, bother somebody, ruin a relationship, lose an opportunity, or otherwise be viewed in a negative light. In this episode, we’ll explore some of the scientific principles behind why we do this. We’ll discuss why we have a negativity bias, why we tend to keep things to ourselves, why we avoid conflict, and why we’re so quick to assume people are going to disrespect us, deny us opportunities, misread our intentions, or see us differently than they actually do. We’ll also talk about first principles and practical strategies you can use to continue showing up in a way that’s genuine to you—without getting caught in a doom loop of overthinking that ultimately costs you opportunities or makes situations worse than they ever needed to be. For more on these topics, check out my new book, The Anti-Hero Advantage. It’s literally written to help people navigate hard conversations, conflict, self-doubt, and learn how to channel these challenges into strengths so they can become more effective and adaptable in any relationship—personal or professional. Published by Portfolio/Penguin Random House, it’s the most meaningful work I’ve ever done. Pre-order your copy today at TheAntiHeroAdvantage.com or on Amazon. And yes, I’ll be narrating the audiobook myself.   WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:   •⁠ ⁠ Why your brain creates worst-case scenarios •⁠  ⁠How to better manage the narrative in our minds •⁠  ⁠How to avoid catastrophizing •⁠ ⁠ Why we avoid difficult conversations •⁠ ⁠ A simple framework to stop making monsters out of moments   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

In this episode, Brett talks about the importance of taking a first step — and not in some kind of cheesy way, but in a way that applies regardless of whether you're trying to write a book, whether you want to start a new job, whether you're beginning a new relationship. Whatever road you're taking, and no matter how daunting it seems before you, you've got to take that first step. This dives into why we often overthink, why we often overprepare, and how that can actually keep us stuck; and why it's important to just get the metaphorical s****y rough draft out there.  By taking action and being willing to take the risk, look foolish, fail a little bit, yet tweak it as we go — that is always when we're going to be able to make the most progress. So many motivational episodes are going to give you some kind of framework or something else. This just tells you what you already know, but perhaps in a clear way: you need to get started now, in the simplest way possible, because the sooner you do that, the more you're going to be able to tweak and refine and adapt as you go. And progress always favors the bold and those who don't procrastinate. For more tips on how to overcome your own internal doubts and demons — whether that's perfectionism, overthinking, or imposter phenomenon — check out Brett's latest book, The Antihero Advantage, now available for preorder at theantiheroadvantage.com.   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

After years of research, writing, rewriting, and countless conversations with leaders, coaches, entrepreneurs, and professionals across industries, The Antihero Advantage is finally here. In this special episode, I share why I felt compelled to write this book, the ideas that shaped it, and what you can expect if you decide to read it. We talk about the limitations of the traditional “hero” narrative, why adaptability and social agility matter more than ever, and how understanding human behavior can help you lead, communicate, and navigate complexity more effectively. Whether you’ve been following this project from the beginning or are just hearing about it for the first time, I hope this episode provides a helpful introduction to the thinking behind The Antihero Advantage. In this episode, we discuss: •⁠ ⁠Why I wrote The Antihero Advantage •⁠ ⁠The core ideas and themes behind the book •⁠ ⁠Who this book is for—and who it isn’t •⁠ ⁠Using your dark side for good •⁠ ⁠What I hope readers take away from it If The Antihero Advantage resonates with you, I’d be grateful if you’d consider picking up a copy and leaving a review. Your support helps more than you know, and it helps these ideas reach more people. Learn More At: https://theantiheroadvantage.com Thank you, as always, for listening and for being part of this community.   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb

We're all going to navigate a great deal throughout our careers, and it can be really hard to know whether you’re on the right track or doing the right things. Nobody is going to have a surefire guide that will guarantee you're gonna succeed, but there are certain principles that can make your road a lot less turbulent and potentially a lot more fruitful. This is why I laid out the 10 Career Commandments, not because I've had it figured out from day one, not because I have the perfect career. This actually came from a slide or a presentation that I gave in New Orleans. I was asked, "Hey, what advice do you have for young coaches or old coaches alike in your career? Hell, what do you have for people in general in their career?" What I wanted to come up with was 10 timeless truths: things that aren't mind-blowing, but I think are critical if you want to maintain great relationships, avoid getting lost in the weeds, and not start letting different things distract you. I wanted to give it to you in this snappy, quick episode that I think will provide value for years to come. This is that list.   Follow Us: Website: ArtofCoaching.com Instagram: @coach_brettb X: @coach_brettb