Advertise on podcast: Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST

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4.6

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Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST A gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships podcast If you've ever wished there were a therapy-informed podcast just for gay men, you're in the right place. I'm Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – a gay men's specialist psychotherapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Psychiatric Social Worker, longtime LGBTQ+ advocate, and gay men's life/career/relationship coach with over 32 years' experience working almost exclusively with gay male individuals, couples, and polycules. On Gay Therapy LA, you'll get more than clichés or recycled pop psychology. This is a deep-dive podcast for gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships—rooted in real clinical experience with thousands of clients over three decades. We talk about what actually shows up in gay men's lives: Mental health for gay men: anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, internalized homophobia Gay men's relationships: monogamy, open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, polycules, jealousy, trust, communication Sex therapy for gay men: desire, performance, erections, ejaculation, kink, porn, HIV, PrEP, sexual confidence Gay men and aging: body image, muscles, appearance pressure, midlife, older gay men, long-term HIV survivorship Dating and intimacy: hookup culture, apps, ghosting, rejection, attachment, finding and keeping a partner Gay men and success: career transitions, burnout, money, retirement, purpose, and building a life that actually feels good Episodes are mostly just me—so you get unfiltered, no-nonsense, therapist-level insight without fluff, plus occasional guests whose expertise or lived experience can help you grow. Every episode is designed to give you practical tools, perspectives, and strategies you can use immediately in your life, not just "interesting conversations." If you're a gay man who wants better mental health, stronger relationships, more satisfying sex, and a more successful, meaningful life, this podcast is for you—whether you're in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or beyond. About the practice behind the podcast Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is the podcast of my private practice: Psychotherapy for gay men in California (online) Coaching for gay men worldwide (online) I'm the founder of GayTherapyLA.com and GayCoachingLA.com, based in West Hollywood, California, serving gay men all over the world via webcam and phone. My credentials include: California Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) Certified Psychiatric Social Worker AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Certified in Consensual Non-Monogamy and Polyamorous Families Retired Adjunct Associate Professor in Social Work (USC) Through both psychotherapy (California) and coaching (worldwide), I help gay men improve their mental health, strengthen their relationships, upgrade their sex lives, and maximize their quality of life and career, leveraging their past to enhance their future. While this podcast cannot substitute for personal therapy and is provided for educational purposes only, the episodes reflect the kinds of themes and strategies I work on with clients every day. Your questions, comments, ratings, and reviews are very welcome, as are suggestions for future episodes. © 2025 Ken Howard, LCSW, CST. All rights reserved.

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Check latest episodes from Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST podcast

I Can't Stop Thinking About My Ex: When a Gay Breakup Takes Over Your Mind

2026/10/19

Months after a gay breakup, you may still think about your ex every day. You might miss the sex, the companionship, or how you felt about yourself when he wanted you. Losing those parts of the relationship can make it harder to let go. In this episode of the Gay Therapy LA Podcast, Ken Howard, LCSW explores why you keep replaying the relationship and when thinking it through becomes rumination. He discusses rejection, aging, sex with an ex, open relationships, and the pull of checking his dating profiles and social media. He also considers how easily we remember the good times while overlooking what wasn't working. The episode offers ways to understand what you miss, set boundaries around contact and reminders, and rebuild friendships, routines, and self-worth after a breakup. Ken also discusses when persistent distress may call for additional support.

The Gay High Achievement Paradox: When Success Isn't Enough

2026/10/02

You've built the career, earned the recognition, and reached goals your younger self once dreamed about. Why can success still feel exhausting—or strangely unsatisfying? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW explores the gay high achievement paradox: how the strengths that help gay men succeed can become difficult to set aside when it's time to enjoy the lives they've built. He considers the role of rejection and being underestimated, and the difference between achievement as a means of creating a fulfilling life and achievement as the foundation of your identity. The conversation also addresses the transition from skilled professional to effective leader, delegation and difficult workplace relationships, and why executive authority doesn't translate into equal partnership at home. Midlife, retirement, friendship, intimacy, and making time for postponed interests all raise a larger question: what was your success supposed to make possible? For gay men who want to explore these questions, learn about psychotherapy for California residents at GayTherapyLA.com or coaching at GayCoachingLA.com. Psychotherapy and coaching are distinct services; the appropriate approach depends on your needs and location.

The Psychology of 9/11: Perpetrator Motivations and Our Reactions

2026/09/29

Ken Howard, LCSW, explores the psychology behind September 11 and its lasting aftermath—from absolutism and dehumanization to grief, survivor guilt, anniversary reactions, and resilience. Drawing on personal memories and his work with gay men, he considers how experiences of vulnerability and loss shape our sense of safety, while distinguishing trauma responses from PTSD.

Gay Men and Sides: Sexual Self-Empowerment Beyond Tops and Bottoms

2026/09/21

What if anal sex simply isn't part of the sex you want? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, explores "sides"—gay men who prefer sexual expression without anal intercourse—and credits psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort for originating and developing the term. Ken reframes being a side not as an absence of sexuality, but as one valid choice within a broad erotic repertoire. He discusses consent, pleasure, sexual health, and the important difference between a genuine preference and avoidance driven by fear, pain, shame, or missing information. The goal is not to steer anyone toward a particular sexual act; it is sexual self-empowerment: understanding your desires, boundaries, health, and options well enough to make choices that truly belong to you.

Aging Without a Blueprint: Gay Men, Retirement, and What Comes Next

2026/08/25

Many gay men prepare financially for retirement, yet still feel uncertain about what they are retiring into. Ken Howard, LCSW, explores the "blueprint gap": reaching later life without an inherited picture of what a satisfying retirement should contain. Traditional retirement narratives often assume children, grandchildren, lifelong heterosexual marriage, and an extended family prepared to provide companionship and care—assumptions that may never have applied to gay men. This episode examines retirement identity, chosen family, purpose after work, financial security, LGBTQ+-affirming long-term care, and the AIDS-era loss of elders who might have modeled aging for subsequent generations. Ken offers reflective questions and practical ways to begin building a later life around connection, creativity, community, safety, and personal meaning.

The Quiet Ambivalence of Open Relationships in Long-Term Gay Couples

2026/08/21

What happens when a long-term gay couple is no longer fully monogamous—but neither partner feels entirely comfortable calling the relationship open? Ken Howard, LCSW explores the emotional territory between monogamy and consensual non-monogamy: relationships that change gradually, sexual agreements that make sense intellectually but remain difficult emotionally, and the difference between genuine acceptance and reluctant permission. This episode examines erotic grief, aging, changing desire, hookup-app use, fear of losing a shared life, and the difficult conversations couples sometimes avoid. Rather than arguing that one relationship structure is superior, Ken encourages gay male couples to build relationships deliberately—with honesty, mutual awareness, emotional respect, and agreements that can evolve as their lives change. To learn more about therapy for gay men and gay male couples in California, or coaching services available worldwide, visit GayTherapyLA.com.

Five Love Languages Reimagined for Gay Men, Part 2: Gifts, Touch & Attachment

2026/07/31

In Part 2 of Five Love Languages Reimagined for Gay Men, Ken Howard, LCSW explores why receiving gifts and physical touch can mean far more than they seem. Gifts may communicate that your partner stayed in your mind; touch can offer comfort, safety, and belonging without needing to lead to sex. Ken connects these everyday moments to attachment, the histories gay men bring into relationships, and a central question for couples: does the way I'm loving you actually feel like love to you?

Five Love Languages for Gay Men: What They Really Mean (Part 1)

2026/07/28

The five love languages can be useful—but for gay men, they often carry deeper psychological meaning. In Part 1 of this two-part episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, reimagines the familiar framework through the lived experiences of gay men. He explores why words of affirmation can be about being seen, why acts of service can become a way of earning closeness, and why quality time is less about hours together than genuine emotional presence. The deeper question is not simply how we express love. It's why certain expressions of love make our nervous system feel safe, valued, and connected. Part 2 will cover receiving gifts, physical touch, and the attachment psychology beneath the five love languages.

Why High-Achieving Gay Men Struggle to Feel Loved

2026/07/15

Many successful gay men appear to have everything: thriving careers, financial security, meaningful accomplishments, and lives that others admire. Yet beneath that success, many quietly wonder whether they are truly lovable—or simply valued for what they achieve. In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, explores why professional success often fails to create emotional security. Drawing on more than 34 years of working with gay men, he explains how childhood experiences of monitoring ourselves, adapting to others' expectations, and earning acceptance can lead to a lifelong belief that love must be continually earned through performance. Topics include: Why success and emotional security are not the same The difference between admiration and genuine intimacy How childhood adaptation becomes adult achievement Why many high-achieving gay men still fear rejection The hidden cost of always appearing strong and capable How emotional visibility creates deeper relationships Why vulnerability—not perfection—is what builds lasting intimacy If you've ever felt admired but not truly known, accomplished but still insecure, or worried that people would lose interest if you stopped performing, this episode offers a compassionate psychological framework for understanding why—and how genuine emotional security can begin to grow.

Why Am I Never Invited? The Hidden Psychology of Social Exclusion Among Gay Men

2026/07/01

Have you ever opened Instagram only to discover your friends got together without you? Within seconds, your mind may begin asking painful questions: Did they forget me? Did they not want me there? What's wrong with me? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, explores why social exclusion hurts so deeply—and why the real wound often isn't the missed invitation itself, but the meaning we attach to it. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience working with gay men, Ken explains how childhood experiences of feeling different, monitoring ourselves, and searching for acceptance can shape our adult friendships, social lives, and sense of belonging. Topics include: Why being left out feels so painful The difference between facts and assumptions Why social media amplifies feelings of exclusion Why many gay men are waiting to be chosen instead of building connection The difference between friendship and validation How to stop organizing your self-worth around other people's invitations What genuine belonging actually looks like If you've ever wondered why a missed dinner, party, or group trip feels so much bigger than it "should," this episode offers a compassionate psychological framework for understanding what's really happening—and how to build relationships where you no longer have to wonder whether you belong.

Gay Men and Self-Abandonment: The Quiet Ways We Leave Ourselves Behind

2026/06/22

Many gay men believe their struggles stem from anxiety, loneliness, dating frustrations, low self-esteem, or difficult relationships. But underneath many of these challenges lies a quieter and often overlooked pattern: self-abandonment. In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, explores how gay men learn to disconnect from their feelings, needs, boundaries, anger, instincts, and even their dignity in order to preserve connection, approval, desirability, or emotional safety. Drawing from more than 30 years of clinical work, Ken explains how childhood experiences of conditional acceptance, invisibility, bullying, and self-monitoring can evolve into adult patterns of self-suppression that quietly erode self-respect and intimacy. Topics include: What self-abandonment actually is Why many gay men learn to prioritize acceptance over authenticity How self-abandonment masquerades as maturity, patience, and understanding The hidden resentment created by chronic self-suppression Nine common forms of self-abandonment in everyday life How to set boundaries without guilt The difference between healthy compromise and self-betrayal Why authentic relationships require self-respect If you've ever found yourself laughing off hurt feelings, staying too long in one-sided relationships, over-explaining your boundaries, suppressing your anger, or making yourself smaller to keep the peace, this episode offers a framework for understanding what's happening—and how to begin reconnecting with yourself.

Why Trump Feels So Powerful: The Psychology of Authoritarian Certainty

2026/06/17

Why does Donald Trump continue to inspire such fierce loyalty among millions of Americans? In this special episode of the Gay Therapy LA Podcast, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, steps outside his usual focus on gay men's mental health to examine a broader psychological question: what emotional needs does authoritarian communication fulfill? Drawing on more than three decades as a psychotherapist, Ken explores why certainty can feel more persuasive than complexity during periods of rapid social change, economic anxiety, and cultural uncertainty. He discusses how fear seeks emotional containment, why simple narratives can outperform nuanced explanations, and why people often respond to emotional regulation as much as they do to policy. Rather than debating politics, this episode examines the psychology that makes authoritarian messaging so compelling—and why understanding these emotional dynamics may be one of the best protections against manipulation. If you've ever wondered why facts alone often fail to change minds, or why confident leaders can inspire devotion despite contradictions, this episode offers a psychological framework for understanding one of the defining political phenomena of our time.

Why Can't I Stay Hard Anymore? A Gay Man's Guide to Erectile Dysfunction

2026/06/01

Why can't I stay hard anymore? Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, explores the real causes of erectile dysfunction in gay men—and what actually helps beyond pills, panic, and self-criticism.

Why Successful Gay Male Professionals Still Feel Off — And What Actually Changes It

2026/05/18

Many successful gay male professionals reach a point where something doesn't quite add up. Your career works. You're capable, driven, and functioning at a high level. And yet, something still feels off—especially in relationships, connection, or your sense of ease outside of work. In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST explores why this happens—and why insight alone isn't enough to change it. He breaks down: the hidden "second layer" of stress many gay men carry in professional environments how career demands shape emotional patterns, relationships, and identity why high-functioning men can stay stuck despite strong self-awareness and what actually creates meaningful, lasting change This is not about burnout or failure. It's about understanding why success in one area of life doesn't automatically translate into fulfillment in another—and what to do differently if you want that to change.

Beyond Insight (Part 2): What Gay Men Can Do to Finally Create Real Change

2026/05/12

In Part 1 of this series, we explored why insight alone isn't enough to create real change in gay men's lives — even for those who are highly self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and deeply reflective. So what actually does work? In Part 2, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST, moves beyond theory and into real-world application. This episode focuses on the practical side of personal growth: how to translate insight into concrete, repeatable behaviors that lead to meaningful change. Instead of trying to "fix everything," Ken introduces a more realistic and effective approach — replacing old patterns with small, intentional actions that build over time. This episode explores: Why change requires replacement, not just awareness How to interrupt emotional and behavioral loops in real time The role of structure, delay, and intentional choice in breaking compulsive patterns Why "partial wins" matter more than perfection How to reduce isolation through small, manageable social actions The difference between motivation and movement How self-respect is built through behavior, not just mindset Ken also walks through specific, real-life examples of how to replace common patterns, including: compulsive app use → meaningful connection urgency and impulsivity → structure and delay emotional numbing → purposeful action self-criticism → self-respect through follow-through isolation → low-pressure social engagement If you've ever felt like you know what's going on in your life — but still struggle to change it — this episode offers a clear and grounded path forward. Because at a certain point, growth isn't about understanding more. It's about living differently.

Podcast reviews

Read Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST podcast reviews

4.6 out of 5

132 reviews

★★★★★

Flittergaggot 2024/12/30

One of the best

Thorough, compassionate, and wise! So glad I found Ken’s show.

★☆☆☆☆

George_John_CostaMesa 2024/10/30

Self hating homo

Please stop spreading misinformation about the former president Donald Trump.

★★★☆☆

PopePhilipRyan 2024/08/09

Dislike his political podcast

Have gotten value otherwise. Gays are not monolithically benighted as this show may imply.

★★★★★

Angus Meek 2023/08/13

Great podcast

Informative podcast covering a range of topics relevant to gay men. A+

★☆☆☆☆

ganymedecosmos 2023/06/15

Sigh

This has queer theory all over it… 🙄

★★★★★

shadow gunslinger858 2023/05/17

Excellent Gay Podcast

This is the perfect podcast for gay couples!

★★★★★

Isitaleoralex 2022/09/15

Lovvve This Podcast

I just adore this podcast. I listen to every single episode and can’t wait for the next. Thank you, Ken, for everything you do! Such great information...

★★★★★

MBMT5 2022/09/14

Gay Men & Trauma

This was the best podcast episode I have ever heard. Speechless with resonance.

★★★★★

thildi1 2022/08/25

Such a wealth of knowledge

As a gay male.. for 33 years in 2022 (lol).. I am so happy I have found this amazing source of knowledge. I can find an episode to send to all of my g...

★★★★★

maxwellk89 2022/08/25

Great

I like the show! I was wondering if you can do a pod cast about gay men dating with autism if you had any experience. Especially late adult diagnosis.

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