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OK, Dream with me. The Maha'a Tiki Bar just inherited five million dollars. The world is our oyster. Besides the obvious Velvet Elvis that we are going to commission for behind the bar, how else are we going to blow out this bar to piss off our neighbors? God, I love this game. Welcome to the Lounge! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Per Patty's lead, we will be taking a Black Light to the Maha'a Tiki Bar. We don't know what we will find, but sure enough, it will not end well. Come on in. Take a seat. Wait. No. Not on that couch. Trust me. You'll thank me later.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Let's warm up those vocal cords before we all launch into this week's "mini-sode". We're singing songs that make no sense but who cares. We've got commitment behind our eyes and in our voices. Sure, our mothers had no idea what "Afternoon Delight" meant when they were singing it to us with the radio while they were packing up our school lunches. It doesn't matter. They were committed and off-key. Exactly what we needed it to be. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Listen. I understand that you're here for this week's episode but we don't open for another five to ten minutes. If you need to kill time, I'm sure the Assia Bowl place down the block is open. We'll see you soon...in five to ten minutes. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Glad you could make it for the "mini" episode today. If you want to bring a guest along, you are encouraged. As a matter of fact, ask Mrs. Callahan from down the street. You know, the older lady who seems nice but you have no idea what her name is? Yeah. Her. Her name is Mrs. Callahan. We guarantee it. Invite her over.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Are you looking to shed a few pounds? Well, look no further because you have come the right place. With the help of MOTH and her newly found love of making salads, we here at the Ranch will get you looking trim and healthy in no time. Sure, MOTH serves her salad with a side of cake but don't let that stop you from making poor decisions. Come on in. Your barstool is waiting. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We have proof if you don't listen and enjoy this week's episode, Patty's mother will find you and give you a firm talking-to. On that note, once you hear this episode, you will never experience feminine hygiene the same way again. Enjoy! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

So much to discuss. Erin was on the Sherri Shepard Show. MOTH has a trainer. And Patty seems to love the idea of becoming a U.N. translator. Grab a high top and welcome to the Lounge. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

The blizzard has hit. We are snowed in. But, fear not. There is enough booze in the Maha'a Tiki Bar to get us through to next winter. In the meantime, I'll need you to grab a shovel. Those steps to the Pineapple Ranch aren't going to shovel themselves. The Management thanks you. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Erin just got back from L.A. She's full of stories and perhaps a song. She'll give you stories but we've asked her not to sing the songs. You'll thank me for that later. Put on your sun screen and oversized Hollywood glasses and enjoy the show. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Patty is in desperate need of the guidance of Dolly "Dr. Shirley" Parton in this weeks episode. All Erin can get tell him to do is read the side of her stomach for comfort and clarity. If that doesn't make any sense to you, well, you tuned into the right program.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Get out your long underwear. We are freezing in the Pineapple Ranch this week. We would love to tell you that this week's podcast is sponsored by LL Bean. If that were true we would probably get free gloves or scarves. But it's January and all the stores are pushing Spring/Summerwear and their new line of bathing suits. In the meantime, we're lighting a bonfire in the middle of the tiki lounge. Summer is just around the corner. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

I have no idea what other podcasts are talking about today but I guarantee  you that no one is as timely as we are here at The Pineapple Ranch. Don't believe me? We mention great names like Guy Lombardo and Shelley Long. That's right. We are at the forefront of what the kids are digging' these days. Do we still say 'diggin'? Well, dig this...Welcome To The Maha'a Tiki Bar! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We're 'whisper singing" on the pod today and I thinking we are going to be the next big thing in the world of podcasts. God, we sound good. I'm sorry you can't hear us but believe me, we're killing it. We are current. We are relevant. We ARE Dear Pod. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Target, Costco, BJ's...Japan. Do you really want to spend any unnecessary time there during the holidays? Does the Far East have any room for Erin or should she just stay where she is and be happy with that? That and other answers to questions you didn't ask are just a click away. CHEERS! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★