Advertise on podcast: Evolutionary Men

In this episode I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Steph Flood to talk about what happens when you're doing the dishes, handling the kids, and still feel like roommates with no touch and no sex. We get into why you and your wife come at connection from opposite directions, how the way you ask for intimacy lands, what she's thinking when sex feels like a box to check, and why frozen, nice-guy initiating backfires.  Doing everything right, still disconnectedThe emotional to physical cycleFeeding the meter with daily presenceChange how you ask for sexWhen sex feels like a box she checksThe nice guy who freezes before initiatingGreat roommates: smell and perimenopauseStress, pulling inward, and needing other menErection problems and what your wife thinksWhen he's the one with lower desireWhat wives want husbands to knowWhere to find StephAbout Steph Flood Steph is a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach who calls herself your wife's best friend, because she tells husbands what their wives feel and rarely say out loud. She's been married to her high school sweetheart for over 30 years. @stephfloodmarriagecoach on InstagramA Flood of Love: Steph's website and newsletterInside Pillars of Presence One of the biggest shifts you can make in your relationship is learning to lead and tend the emotional connection. Even a little of it puts you far past where most men in our default culture are. That's the heart of what we train in Pillars of Presence, my 16-week program for men: weekly live coaching calls and daily practice, alongside a group of men doing the same work. You learn to stay in your body when she pulls away, and to say what you want without pressure or shame, and to generate polarity without games or tactics. Build Attraction from the Inside Out with Pillars of PresenceApply for Pillars of PresenceOther Ways to Get Involved Join Men's Group ExperienceJoin The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype QuizJoin the mailing list

Jason Gentile and his best friend from college lived eight blocks apart in LA, and they'd still go six months without seeing each other. Then they started seeing each other every week. What changed between them explains why so many successful men end up lonely. Jason Gentile is a men's work facilitator, transformational leader, and father of three. In this episode, we get into what actually gets a man who looks fine on paper to walk into a men's work retreat or group, and why the man who swears he has no fear can be the most afraid man in the room. We also talk about what it feels like to be tracked by other men (and what happens when nobody is), and the dentist appointment that showed my guest what men have stopped saying to each other. About Jason Gentile The Mountain: his self-leadership men's weekend, Oct 23-25Art of Waking Up@jasongentile_ on InstagramHumanMen: find and join a men's groupGet Involved Join Men's Group ExperienceBuild Attraction from the Inside Out with Pillars of PresenceJoin the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype QuizJoin the mailing list

In this episode I'm joined by Jayson Gaddis, author of Getting to Zero, to talk about how to repair after a fight with your wife or partner. We get into how nice guy syndrome trades your truth for keeping the peace, why "that wasn't my intention" goes nowhere, what makes an apology land in your partner's nervous system, and who goes first when you're both shut down. We also talk about what a men's group gives you that therapy alone can't. About Jayson Getting to ZeroJaysonGaddis.comThe Relationship School Get Involved Join Men's Group ExperienceBuild Attraction from the Inside Out with Pillars of PresenceJoin the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype QuizJoin the mailing list

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about offensive love, a phrase that came out of our shadow work group a year ago. We get into why going on offense with your heart means being willing to shock the sleepiness out of a relationship, how waiting keeps you defended with your wife, your kids, and other men, what touch and unspoken tension have shown me about my own habits, and why the pain you avoid keeps weighing you down. Get involved: Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine QuizFollow Evolutionary MenJoin the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

Performance anxiety in bed, whether it shows up as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, often starts somewhere you've probably never looked. Somatic sex educator Rahi Chun joins me to talk about porn, stress, and the tension your pelvic floor has been holding for years. Rahi explains genital dearmoring and why a tight pelvic floor cuts blood flow and makes you finish faster. He also names an early sign worth noticing: trouble emptying your bladder. Then we get into why more young men are showing up with ED and PE, and how porn became sex education for a lot of us. It did for me. Porn trains your body to rush toward a result. We also talk about loneliness, and why closer friendships with other men take pressure off sex with your partner. And what changes when you stop chasing performance and let yourself feel what's happening in your body. Learn more about Rahi's work at rahichun.com, and join his list to hear when Sovereign, his men's sexual wholeness course, opensDivine Union for Lovers, Rahi's work for couples with his wife Ariel Get involved: Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine QuizFollow Evolutionary Men

In this episode I talk with Dr. Daniel Ellenberg. He has directed men's groups for more than forty years and earned the Practitioner of the Year award from the American Psychological Association's division for the psychology of men. He names the mistake he sees men keep making generation after generation, and then we explore the idea of precarious manhood and why vulnerability continues to be seen as a weakness. We also discuss why many men attempt to manage all their problems alone and what happens when a man stops hiding the parts of himself that cause him shame. Join Dr. Daniel Ellenberg, Keith Martin-Smith, and James Baraz in their 9-month Strength with Heart TrainingLearn more about Dr. EllenbergLearn about the Men and Boys Compassion Coalition Get involved: Take the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Quiz Follow Evolutionary Men

In this episode I'm again joined by Dr. Luke Adler, this time to to talk about shadow work as a way to save your relationship. We get into the nice guy pattern of going along to get along, why controlling your partner's reactions is really about avoiding your own feelings, and how a relationship without real presence slides into a predator and prey dynamic. We talk about the implicit agreements quietly running your relationship and what it actually takes to break them. Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype QuizJoin the mailing list

In this episode I break down why so many men feel stuck. It comes down to two energetic holds I watch men make over and over that burn enormous energy and produce no movement so from the inside it feels like nothing is happening. I share where they come from, what they cost you in your body and your relationships, and what I've seen actually get men unstuck. Then I leave you with two quick questions to find where you're doing both of these things. Join the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype QuizJoin the mailing list

In this episode I invite Alistair Moes, who has operated his own anger management practice for over 31 years and has worked with more than 15,000 men and women, to discuss what truly occurs in the body when anger takes over, why many of us either explode or shut down and label it handling things, and what it means to meet conflict from the adult inside you rather than the wounded kid. We explore the family patterns that shaped each of our approaches to anger, and the practice that reveals which one is actually in control at any given moment. Moose Anger Management Get Involved Discover Your Evolutionary EdgeJoin the Heart of Shadow Men's Group & RetreatBecome a Pillar of Presence for the feminine

In this episode I invite Dr. Luke Adler to discuss what shadow work is really for. We explore why the deepest pain in a group of men often sits right beside laughter and gratitude, the "kink in the hose" model described in The Heart of Shadow that shows where life force becomes stuck, and why men struggle to celebrate what is going right or to accept a compliment without deflecting it. Free Workshop Monday August 24th: RAGE & ANGERJoin the Fall 2026 Heart of Shadow NOWTake the Evolutionary Edge Masculine Archetype Quiz

In this episode I invite relationship and dating coach Shana James, author of Honest Sex and The Honest Dating Guide, to discuss why many men see honesty as a loss of power. We explore nice guy conditioning, the scarcity that pushes us to posture rather than speak the truth, the distinction between attachment and desire, and what really occurs in the body when vulnerability feels dangerous instead of intimate. Honest Dating Guide + Companion CourseHonest Sex BookShana's WebsiteMan Alive

In this episode I break down the moment I lost it with my daughter over a coloring page, the sharp voice, the walk to the car when I realized what I'd just done to her. I get into Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, why your kid feels your nervous system more than your words, and where you're supposed to put that charge when your family isn't the place to dump it. Join us Monday August 24th for Rage & Anger: How to Wisely Channel Your Power as a ManBuild your space to bring your tantrums in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about shadow work for regaining your power, especially for nice guys who've gone allergic to their own force and desire. We get into the difference between power over and power under, why so many men carry a clog in their body around their center, and how father wounds shape our relationship to anger and protection. Join us in reclaiming your power in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat

In this episode I get into touch, why it lands or falls flat with a woman, and what her body is already reading in you before your hands ever move. I break down the physiology behind it, your breath, your nervous system, and the different kinds of tension that decide whether she melts into you or just tolerates you. I also get into my own history with touch, which wasn't pretty, and the frame I now use with the men I coach around all of this. This Monday: the breath workshopIf this episode landed and you want to go further into it, Elizabeth Anneka and I are teaching a live workshop on Zoom this Monday, August 10th. Ninety minutes, 5:30 Pacific. Today's episode was about your breath. This workshop one is about hers, how to read it, and use it as a compass toward deeper connection and better sex. That's Elizabeth's teaching and it's very good. Ninety-seven dollars, and everyone who signs up gets the replay whether you make it live or not. ​evolutionary.men/touch​ Labor Day weekend: the retreatSeptember 3rd through the 7th, out at Bell Valley in Anderson Valley, Northern California. Four days. The ground, the breath, the capacity to stay in contact with another human being without bracing. Everything in this episode, trained at depth, with a crew of men doing the same work. We cap it at 26 men and there are three spots left. If this one has been tugging at you, this is the window. ​evolutionary.men/retreat​ August 24: Rage & Anger, with Dr. Luke AdlerMost of us never had healthy anger modeled for us. We watched men explode, or we watched men go numb, and somewhere in there we swore off the whole thing and called the shutdown maturity. But the anger you never let yourself feel doesn't leave. It comes out sideways, or it turns inward and your body carries it. Luke and I are running a free live session on Monday, August 24th. We'll break down the difference between clean anger and aggression, show you how to build a container for that energy so it fuels you instead of leaking onto the people you love, and then lead you through a guided practice so you leave having actually felt it move. Come with a private space where you can make some noise. A car works. A garage works. ​Grab your spot here​ You might also like...​EP151 - Why Would She WANT to Have Sex with You?​​EP24 - She Wants to Trust You, Not Just Feel Safe With You​​EP150 - How to Touch Women (with Elizabeth Anneka)

In this episode I break down what's happening when life looks fine on paper but you feel like you're not the one driving it. Losing direction is nearly inevitable once the track (school, career, mortgage, kids) runs out, and you can't think your way back. I walk through the two compasses I've watched work in hundreds of men's lives, the practice men have used to read them for thousands of years, and the one place none of us wants to look. Then:​Master reading her breath to enhance her pleasure on August 10th​​Grab one of the last Labor Day retreat spots​​Snag the early bid on the Heart of Shadow men's group and retreat​You might also like...​EP85 - The Difference Between Waiting and Resting​​EP29 - Three Questions Every Man Needs to Be Able to Answer​​EP100 - Shadow Work for the Chronically Driven (with Luke Adler)