Advertise on podcast: Feeding The Mouth That Bites You: Parenting Teens Into Adulthood

There is a LOT of parenting advice out there right now—and not all of it is bad. The problem is what happens when we start piecing together a little calm parenting, a little connection parenting, a little neurodivergence content, and whatever else showed up in our feed that week. Dr. Ken and Cynthia talk about why parents need to understand the bigger philosophy behind the advice they’re taking in, especially when raising teens and young adults. They also explain why the Feeding the Mouth approach works best when you stay consistent with it: your teenager is moving toward adulthood and autonomy, and your job is to steadily work your way out of managing their life. You can learn from lots of good sources along the way—but if every new idea causes you to rethink the whole plan, you may end up working against the very independence you’re trying to build. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The recent case out of Cornell has brought up some really hard conversations for parents of teens and college students. Dr. Ken and Cynthia talk about whether parents should bring cases like this up with their kids, how much detail is appropriate, and how to talk about alcohol, consent, and safety without turning it into a giant lecture. They also get into the importance of teaching our kids to step in when something isn’t right—even if it means calling an adult, upsetting a friend, or being the unpopular one in the room. It’s a heavy topic, but also one that opens the door to some necessary conversations. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Ken’s least favorite parenting word may officially be “dysregulated”—which is unfortunate, because that’s exactly what we’re talking about this week. What happens when our teen gets worked up and we match their intensity? Or when one particular kid knows exactly how to push every button we have? Cynthia and Dr. Ken talk about anger, overreacting, emotional parenting, and how our own upbringing can shape the way we respond to our kids. If you’ve ever walked away from an interaction with your teen thinking, “Well... I could have handled that better,” this episode is for you. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Are you walking on eggshells around your teen? Lecturing when you meant to have a conversation? Reminding them of everything because you’re afraid they’ll drop the ball—or getting pulled too far into problems they need to learn to handle themselves? You’re not alone. Parenting teenagers has a funny way of bringing out communication habits we swore we’d never have. This week, Dr. Ken and Cynthia unpack four common communication pitfalls: the Path of Least Resistance Parent, the Parent Struggling to Stay in Their Lane, the TED Talk Parent, and the Reminder Machine. If communication with your teen feels tense, exhausting, or just plain ineffective, this episode will help you recognize what may be getting in the way—and hopefully laugh a little at yourself along the way. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How much freedom should parents actually give their teenagers? Doing their own laundry. Choosing what they wear. Picking their friends. Dating someone you’re not crazy about. Spending their own money. And yes… even tattoos and piercings. This week, Dr. Ken Wilgus and Cynthia Yanof are back for Part 2 of their conversation about reasonable expectations—and what it really looks like to “hand the bar over” as kids get older. They cover laundry and appearance, tattoos and piercings, friendships and dating, money, and honesty—along with the bigger question underneath all of it: When should parents step in, and when is it time to let go? Cynthia also has to rethink her longtime “no tattoos on our payroll” policy, and Dr. Ken talks about why teens sometimes need room to make their own decisions and experience the outcome. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re letting go too much—or still trying to control too much—this episode is for you. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How much should parents actually expect from their teenagers? Good grades. A clean room. Trying hard in sports. Going to church. Being grateful. Making good choices. And preferably doing all of it with a great attitude. 😂 This week, Dr. Ken Wilgus and Cynthia Yanof are talking about unrealistic expectations—and whether giving teens more independence means parents are somehow lowering the bar. Spoiler alert: Dr. Ken says parents aren’t necessarily lowering the bar. They’re handing the bar over to their teen. They cover grades, sports and activities, church and faith, and even gratitude—along with why constantly managing kids toward success can sometimes backfire when those kids eventually leave home and have to manage life for themselves. And yes, somewhere in there Cynthia tells the story of discovering ants in her child’s bed thanks to an entire summer’s worth of secret snacks. So clearly, they are not advocating for zero expectations.  And stay tuned—there are plenty more expectations to tackle, next week on Part 2 they will cover things like money, laundry, friends and dating, honesty, clothes, tattoos, piercings, and more. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Meta is rolling out major new restrictions for users under 18 on Instagram and Facebook, and Dr. Ken was fired up enough about it that we interrupted our Parenting Pitfalls series to talk about it. After comparing our own slightly horrifying screen-time numbers, we dig into the new limits on usage, overnight access, notifications, like counts, age verification, filters, and parental supervision. But the bigger question is what parents do with all of this. Dr. Ken explains why these changes give parents some much-needed backup when it comes to setting limits—and why they also create a great opening for better conversations with our kids. Because for the first time, it’s not just parents saying social media might be too much. Meta is saying it too. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Ken and Cynthia are back with another Parenting Pitfall: are we too available for our teens? Being involved and willing to help feels like good parenting, but at some point, always being available can keep our kids from learning to handle things themselves. From making appointments and managing schedules to stepping in with teachers, coaches, and even employers, Dr. Ken and Cynthia talk about why parents need to become less available as their kids get older. They also dig into the harder question: do we keep doing too much because we still want to feel needed? It’s a practical look at how our availability today can impact our teen’s independence tomorrow. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dr. Ken and Cynthia are tackling one of the easiest parenting traps to fall into: nagging. When does a helpful reminder become something that’s actually keeping our teens from taking responsibility for themselves? They talk through chores, school, jobs, college applications, executive functioning struggles, and why sometimes the best thing we can do is stop being our kid’s personal reminder system. Plus, Dr. Ken explains why holding boundaries—even when your teen is mad about it—doesn’t damage the relationship. Turns out, they can be annoyed with us now and still want to come home when they’re grown adults. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Does your teenager really need their own room? This week, Dr. Ken and Cynthia tackle a question that stirs up plenty of parent guilt: are we hurting our kids if they have to share a bedroom? Dr. Ken explains that while, in a perfect world, giving a teenager their own room can be a helpful way to communicate growing independence, it's far from a requirement for raising healthy, well-adjusted kids. They discuss the surprising benefits of sharing a room, why parents shouldn't feel guilty if space is limited, and how to continue giving teens more freedom and responsibility—even when they're sharing with a sibling. You'll also hear practical advice for handling conflicts over messes, sleep schedules, and personal space, why older siblings should be held to a higher standard without becoming a second parent, and when it's time for boys and girls to have separate rooms. It's a practical, encouraging conversation that will help parents focus less on square footage and more on preparing their teens for adulthood. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Have kids always been picky eaters...or have we accidentally helped create them? This week, Dr. Ken and Cynthia talk about the fascinating book Picky: How American Children Became the Fussiest Eaters in History and what it says about why so many kids today struggle with food. But don't worry—this isn't an episode about feeling guilty over what happened when they were little. It's about what to do if your teen or young adult is still a picky eater. You'll hear why it's time to stop being the family short-order cook, how getting teens involved in shopping and cooking changes the conversation, and why, as they get older, their eating habits become their responsibility—not yours. They also talk about food sensitivities, "clean eating," medications that affect appetite, and how to help your teen prepare for real life without turning every meal into a battle. It's an encouraging conversation that just might take a little pressure off parents around the dinner table. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Does your teen have to like school? This week, Dr. Ken and Cynthia tackle a challenge lots of parents face this time of year: "I hate school!" They discuss when it's just normal back-to-school complaining...and when it's something parents should pay closer attention to. You'll also hear why parents shouldn't rush in to fix every school problem, how to help teens take ownership instead of expecting mom and dad to solve it, and why changing schools isn't always the fresh start we think it will be. Plus, Cynthia shares the infamous (and traumatizing) story of her "1985" sweatshirt—and why she's still talking about it decades later. It's a practical, encouraging, and funny conversation that will help you head into the school year with a little more perspective. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This July we are doing re-releases of our favorite episodes! Episode 222: Defiant or Dysregulated? This week on Feeding the Mouth That Bites You, Dr. Ken unpacks a word every parent has heard lately—dysregulation—and what it really looks like in teenagers. Spoiler: it’s not always as clinical or mysterious as it sounds. Sometimes it’s just what we used to call “spiraling” or “losing it.”   We talk about how to tell the difference between a teen who’s simply being disrespectful and one who’s truly overwhelmed by emotion, and why calling everything “dysregulation” can actually make parenting harder. Dr. Ken breaks down what’s happening when your teen crosses that line from moody to out-of-control, why they can usually hold it together outside the home, and what to do when they can’t.   We also get real about what happens when we join the chaos. If you’ve ever found yourself matching your teen’s energy (or volume), this conversation will give you a few tools—and probably a laugh—to help you step back and respond differently. It’s a practical, hope-filled episode for every parent navigating big emotions, slammed doors, and late-night drama. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This July we are doing re-releases of our favorite episodes! Episode 234: Does My Teen Really Need Counseling? This week’s episode was important enough to re-record: when (and if) you should push your teen to go to therapy. Cynthia and Dr. Ken unpack what therapy actually is, why forcing a resistant teen rarely works, and the surprising ways counseling can sometimes do more harm than good. Dr. Ken explains how to recognize when therapy becomes necessary, why parent coaching often helps more than sending a reluctant teenager, and what to consider when choosing a counselor—including privacy boundaries, insurance realities, and whether your teen truly needs a Christian therapist. They also address one of parents’ biggest fears: what to do when you’re worried about your child’s safety. With a practical, steady framework, Dr. Ken walks through how to assess real risk versus normal emotional overwhelm and how to respond without panic. Today’s show is for anyone wondering whether counseling is the right next step.  If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This July we are doing re-releases of our favorite episodes! Episode 221: When Spouses Disagree on Planned Emancipation This week Dr. Ken and Cynthia discuss a challenge almost every parent faces—what to do when you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye on planned emancipation. From different approaches to devices and curfews, it’s not always easy to stay on the same page while raising young adults. We discuss why keeping your marriage first changes the conversation, how to navigate disagreements without turning them into power struggles, and what it looks like to support each other even when you don’t fully agree. We also touch on blended families and shared custody, and why it’s never too late to start giving teens the message that they’re growing into adulthood. It’s a practical, hope-filled conversation with plenty of humor (including a surprise iPad cameo from Cynthia’s youngest) and the kind of perspective every parent needs when the plan and the parenting don’t always match up. If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners.  You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here You can order Cynthia's book "Life Is Messy, God Is Good" here You can pre-order Cynthia's book "How'd I Miss That" here   Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected]  Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/ Our Sponsors: * Check out Amazing Generation: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com * Check out Quince and use my code FEEDING for a great deal: https://www.quince.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy