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The Vikings impacted European history -- west and east -- for centuries, from 793, when they attacked Lindisfarne Abbey in England, up until 1066, when they attacked England and lost to Harold Godwinson (though Harold would lose the next battle, at Hastings, in his fight against the Normans or, "French Vikings," as your hosts like to call them).  These dates aren't really true, since the Vikings raided before and after them. They're just nice clean dates to remember. But at any rate, centuries it was, and the Vikings were very scary, and very good at snatch-and-grab attacks, except sometimes they settled down in places like York, or of course, Normandy. And during all this time, they often attacked the island of Iona, targeting the Abbey, since that was where most of the stuff was. On Christmas Eve of 986, however, when they attacked Iona again, slaughtering the abbot and 15 monks, it wasn't a raid for raiding's sake. Times had shifted, and the Vikings were becoming church patrons. Iona was attacked in 986 as part of a struggle between secular powers and church powers. There was slaughter and raiding, to be sure, but those were the methods, not the point. In somewhat of a reversal of our usual roles, Michelle explains this all to you, and Anne gets really excited about the possibility of taking a retreat on Iona, with meditative tours and, of course, a tea room.

As far as we are concerned, a book entitled "Crusader Criminals: The Knights Who Went Rogue in the Holy Land," is, obviously, a book to read. To our joy, that book is informed, and readable, and full of Things We Did Not Know. And to our further joy, the author, Steve Tibble, who came to talk to us for this episode, is engaging, deeply informed, and kind hearted, and, of course, full of Things We Did Not Know. In our conversation, we discuss, among other things, the mafia that the Frankish prisoners of war ran in Cairo; the Viking crusade, which involved killing lions in North Africa; the state of the Pilgrim Road that civilian Europeans were using to reach the Holy Land, which had so many slaughtered pilgrims lying on the side of the road that it lead to the Templars getting involved; and the European method of getting rid of outlaws, which was to make them into crusaders. There is yet another saintly pirate, as well, I think our third so far.  In our talk and in this book, Steve focuses on the violence that was the foundation of the Crusades -- on all sides -- but also gives his overarching view of the way the Crusades were a result not just of clashing religions, but of climate change and the conflicts between nomadic and sedentary societies.  Oh, and by the way, we all agree that it's really a shame that Cormac McCarthy didn't become an historian of the Crusades.  And that there are a lot of potential historical novels and movies wandering around in this book.  (Link to Steve's website, and information on his books, are in the Show Notes.)

To be fair, the Vikings attacked Paris several times, but it's the major sieges that get remembered -- the one in 845, when they invaded Paris on Easter Sunday, got bought off with a fairly large ransom, and then the one that started in 885 and ended in 886, after nearly a year of a siege wherein the Vikings,  branching out from their usual plundering, used catapults and battering rams and other such non-Viking military paraphernalia, in an attempt to invade the city again. They were doing this on and off, though, and finally the surviving Vikings that hadn't gone off to sack other Frankish towns  dragged their longboats over to another river and went elsewhere. So the Franks had won, though the Vikings had managed to destroy one of the bridges and much of the surrounding countryside, and later one of their leaders, Rollo, would swear allegiance to Charles the Simple of France and become the first Norman, in what became Normandy. Michelle, naturally, found an epic poem written by a monk who was in Paris during that last siege, a poem modelled on Virgil, which contained so many difficult and impressive words that monks would pass it around for decades, to be consulted when they wanted to sound really intelligent. (Hint: Greek sounds fancier than Latin.)

If you were living in Western Europe in the late middle ages and early modern age, you might well come across partly eaten humans, whilst walking around in the woods, or even, alas, strolling in Paris. OBVIOUSLY these partly eaten humans had been attacked by werewolves! Duh! There were a lot of real wolves roaming around,  attacking humans, if the wolves had rabies, or there was a widespread famine affecting all the living beings, but of course the real wolves hadn't attacked and partly eaten the people you were stumbling over. No. It was the fault of actual humans, who, for nefarious reasons, had made deals with the Devil, and therefore could become wolves whenever they wanted, with the help of magic girdles and whatnot. Your hosts discuss the connection of werewolves with witches in the late middle ages and early modern era. Really, that would be the point of all this. But Anne is fascinated both by real wolves and the fact that it was only Western Europe that was in on this nonsense, on account of Eastern Europe doing other things altogether, and Michelle explains Peter Stumpp, who was ONLY a werewolf and not a witch, apparently. Also, John Steinbeck gets involved. Happy Halloween!

The battle of Agincourt was almost over when Henry V ordered the prisoners killed. Nowadays, this would clearly be a war crime, but in 1415, it wasn't, though nobody liked it. Henry did not expect to win the battle, which involved a fairly small bunch of muddy unarmored Englishmen with dysentery up against a formidable line of armored Frenchmen on horses. So he didn't know, when a group of Frenchmen at the rear of their forces attempted to regroup, that they were going nowhere and were not an issue. He thought they were, and that then the Frenchmen at the rear of the English, the war prisoners, would be able to break through, pick up arms from the battlefield, and slaughter the English. The English were all assuming that none of them were going home, but they were fighting as best they could. But as it happens the battle was almost over anyway, and the English won -- they had lost a few hundred men; the French had lost several thousands. Anne is extremely happy, because she gets to talk about the Welsh longbowmen, and Michelle is extremely happy because she gets to tell you where the people of Normandy were hiding whilst Henry and his army roamed around, and believe me, you will not be able to guess where they were. Unless you already have inside knowledge.

Columbus's first trip to what would be called the Americas, in 1492, was a difficult one. Nobody thought he would actually get anywhere, since he had grossly underestimated the size of the globe, but the Spanish monarchs had some extra cash, since the war with the Moors was over, and thought they might as well fund the enterprise, because otherwise one of the other European countries was going to get across the Atlantic first, so they let him have some unneeded ships that were not in good shape (besides being much too small to carry the necessary supplies). He was supposed to find a route across the Atlantic to the Indies; he was supposed to claim any lands he found for Spain; he was supposed to establish colonies and manage them well; he was supposed to bring back lots of nifty stuff. Like gold. When he did arrive on land, there were humans there already, as we know, and they were wearing gold ornaments. So he captured some and demanded that they tell him where they had gotten the gold, but they didn't actually have much, so he enslaved them instead. After that, things got worse. So much worse that even the monarchs of Spain noticed how bad it was, and he was arrested for mismanagement and brutality, found guilty, and stripped of his offices. Michelle found an awesome biography and got immersed in Columbus's religious fanaticism, and Anne got immersed in the Europeans' obsession with water alternatives to the lost Silk Road. It's not a special episode, since we think of Columbus as essentially medieval, but it is a commemorative episode, for Indigenous People's Day.

In the early 16th century, the peasants of Central Europe were being overtaxed, overworked, and underfed, and the lords of the lands kept making things worse. Things worsened, after which they worsened some more, snails got involved, and then there was the biggest peasant revolt in Europe before the French Revolution. If you're a native English speaker, and you haven't heard of it, great though it be, don't feel bad; there is only one book in English on the Great German Peasants' War, and it was published this year. Michelle has a new hero, a badass knight beloved by Goethe, Sir Walter Scott, and the Internet, and Anne is quite perturbed about the snails.  By the way. As far as we're concerned, the revolt wasn't the crime; killing 100,000 peasants was. 

The Knights Hospitaler and the Ottoman Troops of Suleiman the Magnificent were well matched, with state-of-the-art cannonry and defenses, but it was Suleiman who commanded the Janissaries, the formidable household infantry troops loyal to the Sultan. Occasionally, though, they got out of hand; briefly, during the second truce after the second Siege of Rhodes, they entered the city and did things that Suleiman had promised wouldn't happen, such as plundering, smashing things in churches, and assaulting women. It was just for a little bit of a day, though, and then they were sorry. Which they showed by saying other troops did it. In the latest True Crime Medieval, Anne is fascinated by the Janissaries, and Michelle is very gratified to explain to us all the standardization of gunpowder and cannon material, which is actually much more exciting than this sentence made it sound. Also she found the first opera ever written in English. Of course she did.

If you wanted to steal beehives in the Middle Ages, you would need to be very good at the theft, because the laws about bees and beehives were many and varied, all over the European continent. And you should be really careful about stealing beehives in Portugal (or France, or Spain), because those were the places where the high-end honey got made, and the people there were very serious about their hives. Anne talks about the history of beekeeping, and the medieval laws thereof, and Michelle, though very proud of having found a couple of novels about beekeeping, really focuses on The Medieval Economy of Beekeeping, which turned out to be extraordinarily fascinating. Who knew. Also, we share lots of information on useful subjects, such as why it's a good thing to be able to distinguish bees from wasps, what to do if you discover a swarm in your attic, and why it was that Winchester Abbey had to import wax. Ok, that last thing not as useful as the two before it. But very interesting, nevertheless.

If you read the Annals of Tigernach, you will find that Máel Brigte mac Mothlachán killed Rogallach mac Uatach, King of Connacht, in battle, because the Uí Briúin tribe had been encroaching on the territory of the Corco Cullu, and so it was one of those normal murders. However, if you read the renowned and beloved Geoffrey Keating, you will discover that no, Rogallach, riding his white horse, was killed by servants, after a dispute about who had actually killed a deer, but before that Rogallach had been living a version of Oedipus, sleeping with his daughter, who had been, as an infant sent out to die, but a huntsman saved her, and then later her dad met her and incestuous relations followed. We do talk about Connacht, and Rogallach, and Máel Brigte mac Mothlachán, but really what Anne is concerned about is the inability of some historians to tell the difference between history and storytelling, and Michelle, bless her heart, is driven to sputtering outrage by the inability of some scholars to tell you where they found the stuff, history or story, either one.

The first ruler of the House of Sverker, Sverker the Elder, had come out as the winner among contenders for the position of Ruler of Sweden, even though he wasn't from royal roots.  He was the ruler of the country, but various pieces of Sweden were considering themselves under or not under his authority, and other countries altogether were also working on taking Sweden or bits of it (that would be Denmark and Russia), and what with one thing and another, life wasn't very restful. And then one of the Danes got a trusted servant to murder Sverker. It was Christmas, and Sverker was on his way to church.  After that, the House of Sverker and the House of Erik handed the country back and forth for a while. Using battles.  Both hosts are concerned about how many people were getting murdered on Christmas day, Michelle found the most expensive movie ever made in Sweden, and Anne is confused by the several deaths in the episode brought on by local peasants.

In the beginning, by which I mean before 1054, the Church was united, though the Eastern and Western pieces had lots of theological differences, which they could just not iron out. But then it was 1053, and the Patriarch of Constantinople closed all the Latin churches in the city, and after that, the Pope of Rome tried to get the Patriarch to recognize him (the Pope) as the head of the Church, which he wouldn't, and then they excommunicated each other, and we had The Great Schism of 1054. But there was still lots and lots of trade between the East and the West, because money, which is why in 1182 there was a large Italian population of traders and their families in Constantinople, especially since they'd been given lots of economic incentives, and so they were making lots of money and shouldering all of the Byzantine traders out, and also, alas, the Italians were VERY arrogant and annoyed everybody, besides which they were very badly behaved, and a mob that had been celebrating the entrance into the city of their new emperor Andronikos pivoted and began massacring all of the Italians they could find in the city. This was very bad. Very bad indeed. And it didn't help the East-West relations, which would be reaching their nadir with the Sack of Constantinople in 1204, after which the East and the West wouldn't even speak to each other, for hundreds of years. We explain the massacre and Michelle finds novels, including one by, I kid you not, Louis L'Amour, who apparently had a sort of cowboy take on the whole shebang.

Mikhail of Chernihiv, the Grand Prince of Kyiv and Prince of Chernihiv, went to several neighboring states to ask for help fighting the Golden Horde -- he had the idea that there would be strength in alliance -- but nobody would help, on account of they were too busy fighting each other, and also the Mongols had not actually gotten to their houses yet, so why should they care. Then the Golden Horde destroyed Kyiv, and told Mikhail he had to come give obeisance to Batu Khan, and he did that, but he wouldn't worship idols, which was part of the deal, so the Golden Horde executed him. And then he pretty quickly became venerated, and then a saint as a martyr, and his relics were taken to Chernihiv but now they are in Moscow. Besides all that, MIchelle is totally impressed by the number of his vitae surviving. Also that Batu Khan is connected to Russian Atlantis. Also there is a kangaroo. (Spoiler alert: the Golden Horde did in fact get to those other neighboring states, after they had finished looting Kyivan Rus.)

King Duncan did indeed get killed, in 1040, and Macbeth was around, and maybe even was near him at the time, but Duncan wasn't old, he wasn't asleep in bed, and there was no crime, because Macbeth's forces slaughtered Duncan's forces in battle, and Duncan was one of the slaughtered. In this episode, Anne explains all of the history that can be explained -- it's a slippery bunch of facts, but there was a King Duncan, he did die, and Macbeth was king after him. Michelle explains the historical sources, and mentions the novels, but really what she wanted to know was where the hell that theatre superstition about not ever saying the title of the Scottish Play in the theater, at pain of being made to do whatever silly things are in fashion at the time -- well, where the hell that came from. And we want to know, too.

For all of the middle ages, almost everybody believed that earlier in church history, there had been a pope who was, instead of being male,  a woman, who  met, alas, a Bad End. She wasn't there, as some people suspected then, and as we know now, but the story is so damn good it's hard to let go of. Whichever version of the story you're dealing with. Anne explains the different versions of Pope Joan and how we know she wasn't there, and Michelle is delighted by the vast amount of popular works telling her story. Musicals! No kidding! And too many novels to list.