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Why do relationship arguments become so painful, repetitive, and exhausting—and how do you actually stop the cycle?In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, couple psychotherapist Amy Gordon breaks down practical, trauma-informed strategies for navigating conflict without escalating it. Drawing from real patterns seen in therapy, this episode focuses on strategies for avoiding offensiveness AND defensiveness in both yourself and your partner. Transform the way you approach difficult conversations with your partner.If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same fights—defensiveness, criticism, emotional flooding, or feeling misunderstood—this episode offers a different path. One that prioritizes safety, awareness, and collaboration over being right or “winning.” You'll learn 26 tips for transforming your conflict resolution skills within your primary attachment relationship with your adult romantic partner. This episode is especially helpful for adults with complex trauma, attachment wounds, or codependent patterns who want to build healthier, more secure relationships.If fighting feels inevitable—or like it’s slowly eroding your relationship—this is where to start. Work With Me / Contact: Email: [email protected] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Spotify Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Why do relationship arguments become so painful, repetitive, and exhausting—and how do you actually stop the cycle? In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, couple psychotherapist Amy Gordon breaks down practical, trauma-informed strategies for navigating conflict without escalating it. Drawing from real patterns seen in therapy, this episode focuses on the mindset and ground rules that can transform the way couples approach difficult conversations. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same fights—defensiveness, criticism, emotional flooding, or feeling misunderstood—this episode offers a different path. One that prioritizes safety, awareness, and collaboration over being right or “winning.” You’ll learn how to: Identify your own triggers, wounds, and emotional patterns Recognize your partner’s sensitivities and respond with care Step out of destructive conflict cycles before they escalate Set boundaries without becoming reactive or aggressive Stay grounded and connected during difficult conversations Let go of the need to be right and move toward real resolution Create win-win solutions instead of power struggles Choose the right timing, setting, and state for hard conversations Communicate directly and honestly without causing harm This episode is especially helpful for adults with complex trauma, attachment wounds, or codependent patterns who want to build healthier, more secure relationships. If fighting feels inevitable—or like it’s slowly eroding your relationship—this is where to start. Work With Me / Contact: Email: [email protected] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Spotify Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Are you feeling jaded about dating?Like there’s no one good out there… and maybe no real hope for a healthy relationship? In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, psychotherapist Amy Gordon explores why modern dating can feel so discouraging—especially for adults with complex trauma, attachment wounds, and a dysregulated nervous system. If you’ve been burned by dating apps, stuck in patterns of choosing emotionally unavailable partners, or starting to believe “all men are emotionally immature” or “everyone is a mess,” this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface. This isn’t about toxic positivity or “just think differently.”It’s about how trauma shapes perception, attraction, and expectation—and how that can quietly limit your ability to recognize safe, healthy partners. You’ll learn: How complex trauma and attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized) affect who you’re drawn toWhy you might be overlooking emotionally available partners without realizing itThe role of expectation bias and the placebo effect in dating outcomesHow “jaded” or cynical parts of you may actually be protective parts (IFS-informed)A grounded way to define what you want in a relationship (without fantasy or “manifesting”)Practical ways to expand where—and how—you meet potential partners beyond dating appsHow to rebuild trust in yourself so dating feels less risky and more intentionalWhether you’re dating men, women, or nonbinary partners—and whether you’re monogamous or ethically non-monogamous—this episode offers a trauma-informed lens on finding connection in a dating culture that often feels overwhelming. If you’ve been thinking, “There’s no one good out there,” this might gently challenge that belief—without dismissing the very real pain behind it. 📩 [email protected]▶️ https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship📸 https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/🧠 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329🎧 https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Are you constantly asking yourself, “Should I stay or leave this relationship?” If you live with complex trauma (CPTSD), this question can feel overwhelming, confusing, and exhausting. In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, therapist Amy Gordon explores how attachment styles, trauma history, resentment, jealousy, and boundary violations shape your ability to make clear relationship decisions. You’ll learn how relational trauma distorts perception, why you may feel stuck “between a rock and a hard place,” and how to begin evaluating whether your relationship is truly salvageable—or harmful. This episode covers: How CPTSD impacts romantic relationshipsThe role of attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized)Understanding complex resentment and emotional triggersHow jealousy and fear of infidelity develop from traumaSigns your partner is (or isn’t) willing to changeWhat healthy boundaries actually look like in practiceWhy repair, accountability, and effort matter more than promisesHow to tell the difference between hurt vs. harmWhen it’s time to stay, grow, or walk awayIf you’ve ever felt trapped in relationship patterns, struggled to trust your perception, or wondered whether things can truly improve—this episode will give you grounded, trauma-informed guidance. This is not about quick answers.It’s about helping you build clarity, agency, and relational skill over time.

If you’re asking yourself “Should I stay or should I go?” in your relationship, you’re not alone—and for adults with complex trauma, this question can feel especially consuming. In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, we take an honest, nuanced look at abuse in relationships—moving beyond black-and-white thinking to explore the complicated reality many trauma survivors face. You’ll learn how to recognize different forms of abuse, including emotional abuse, verbal abuse, coercion, gaslighting, and control—and why these dynamics can be difficult to identify, especially when they don’t leave visible marks. We also explore the difference between abuse in a relationship and a fundamentally abusive relationship, and why that distinction matters when you’re trying to decide whether your relationship is salvageable. This episode unpacks: Why adults with complex trauma are more vulnerable to abusive relationship dynamics How attachment styles and personality patterns (including narcissistic, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized traits) can shape abusive behavior Subtle signs of emotional abuse—like walking on eggshells, chronic self-doubt, and losing your internal compass Why many therapists default to “just leave”—and what gets missed in that approach How to assess patterns, frequency, and impact of harm in your relationship When abuse is escalating—and when safety requires leaving We also talk about practical strategies for navigating high-conflict or emotionally unsafe dynamics, including boundary-setting, grey rocking, and recognizing when professional support is essential. This is Part 1 of a two-part series on “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” In the next episode, we’ll explore how to assess your partner’s capacity for change—and whether meaningful repair is actually possible. This episode is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing physical or sexual violence, please seek immediate support. If this conversation resonates, consider subscribing, following, or sharing—it helps more people access trauma-informed relationship education. —Adventures in Relationship is a psychoeducational podcast for adults with complex trauma, focused on emotional healing, attachment, and building healthier relationships.

Anxious attachment has become the most talked about attachment style/relationship pattern online— but much of what’s being shared is incomplete, softened, or simply inaccurate. In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, psychotherapist Amy Gordon offers a direct, grounded, and at times uncomfortable reframe of what is commonly called “anxious attachment.” Drawing from attachment theory, trauma psychology, and clinical experience, this conversation revisits the original language—ambivalent, resistant, preoccupied—and explores what gets lost when we reduce this pattern to something more palatable. This is a tough-love episode for anxious attachers and those in anxious-avoidant relationships. It unpacks how preoccupation, resentment, protest behaviors, and codependent dynamics develop—and how they quietly shape relationship distress over time. You’ll hear a deeper look at: The origins of anxious-preoccupied attachment and its link to inconsistent caregivingWhy avoidant attachers are often more anxious than they appearThe role of resentment, anger, and “protest” in anxious attachmentHow anxious-avoidant dynamics become reinforcing cyclesThe connection between attachment patterns and personality developmentWhy psych-pop narratives can unintentionally stall relational growthThis episode also moves toward change—highlighting the shift from protest to vulnerability, from preoccupation to self-trust, and from indirect communication to honest relational engagement. If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of overgiving, emotional hyperfocus on your partner, or unspoken resentment in relationships, this conversation offers both clarity and direction. Relational recovery isn’t about softening reality—it’s about understanding it well enough to change it.

Why do romantic relationships sometimes start out feeling completely different… and then slowly begin to feel painfully familiar?In this episode of **Adventures in Relationship**, therapist Amy Gordon explores a question many adults with complex trauma eventually ask:**Why does this keep happening to me in relationships?**After divorce, betrayal, or leaving an unhealthy partnership, many people make sincere promises to themselves—better boundaries, better communication, better partner choices. Yet months or years later, they find themselves standing in a strangely familiar emotional landscape.The arguments may look different, but the feelings return:hypervigilance, fear of abandonment, walking on eggshells, or the sense that love must be earned.This episode explores the psychological process known as "relational reenactment"—the unconscious tendency to recreate early emotional dynamics in adult relationships. Drawing on attachment theory, trauma psychology, and nervous system research, Amy explains why these patterns develop and how they can begin to change.Rather than framing relationship struggles as a “broken picker,” this conversation offers a deeper understanding of how early relational learning shapes attraction, conflict, and emotional chemistry.You’ll learn about:• Relational reenactment and why painful relationship patterns repeat• How complex trauma (CPTSD) influences attraction and attachment• Why emotionally healthy partners can sometimes feel “boring” or unfamiliar• How childhood relational environments become internal maps for adult love• The role of nervous system activation in romantic chemistry• Why shame about relationship patterns often makes change harder• How awareness can begin interrupting unconscious relational cyclesThis episode is especially relevant for people interested in **complex trauma recovery, attachment theory, CPTSD, relationship psychology, emotional flashbacks, trauma-informed therapy, and healing relationship patterns**.Relational recovery is possible.And it often begins with understanding the map you’ve been using.📩 Email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])📺 YouTube: [https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship](https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship)📷 Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/](https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/)🧠 Psychology Today: [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329)🎧 Spotify Podcast: [https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc](https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc)

In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, Amy unpacks scapegoating — in families, romantic relationships, workplaces, and even mental health systems. What is scapegoating? It’s what happens when harm is occurring, but accountability would destabilize the system. So instead of addressing the conditions, one person absorbs the blame. The “difficult” child.The “bitter” partner.The “unstable” employee.The “mentally ill” patient. Scapegoating is a survival pattern inside dysfunctional families. But it also shows up in marriages, in workplaces, and in cultural systems shaped by capitalism and patriarchy. When systems are imbalanced, someone carries the pressure — and when they finally react, their reaction becomes the problem. In this episode, we explore: Scapegoating in dysfunctional families The family scapegoat role and complex trauma (CPTSD) Why resentment in relationships often gets pathologized How mental health diagnoses can obscure relational harm Why the “problem person” is often responding to invisible conditions The connection between burnout, emotional outbursts, and chronic invalidation How scapegoating protects systems of power If you grew up as the scapegoat, were labeled the angry one, the dramatic one, or the problem child, this episode may help you reframe your story. If you’re navigating resentment in marriage, conflict avoidance, emotional withdrawal, or feeling chronically blamed, this conversation will offer a wider lens. We shift the question from: “Who is the problem?” to“What conditions made this response necessary?” For adults with complex trauma, this shift can be profound. Because symptoms don’t arise in a vacuum. And healing without context can become another form of gaslighting. If this resonates, consider following, rating, reviewing, or sharing this episode. It helps this work reach others navigating the aftermath of complex trauma and relational imbalance. Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

In this episode of Adventures in Relationship, psychotherapist Amy Gordon explores how current events, political violence, and systems of power are impacting mental health—especially for adults with complex trauma (CPTSD). From a relational and neurobiological perspective, this episode examines why global violence, authoritarian control, immigration enforcement, war, and collective harm can activate chronic threat responses, emotional exhaustion, hypervigilance, and shutdown. If you’ve noticed increased anxiety, anger, grief, or numbness, this conversation offers context for why these reactions make sense. Rather than rushing toward regulation or cognitive coping strategies, this episode centers the role of relational safety, emotional resonance, grief, and validation in supporting the nervous system during times of collective trauma. It also names how traditional mental health responses often miss the mark by minimizing the relational impact of systemic violence. This episode is for adults with complex PTSD, developmental trauma, or a history of unpredictable authority, as well as anyone struggling to stay grounded while witnessing ongoing atrocities. Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Most therapists overlook the significance of emotional flashbacks for adults with complex trauma. Amy describes what emotional flashbacks are and offers some tips for working with emotional flashbacks, especially as they pertain to conflict avoidance. Start here if you want to be less conflict avoidant. Don't let cognitive, assertion-based, or behavioral models further drive you into spiraling shame! Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

One of Psychology's best kept secrets is the knowledge that childhood anxious attachment trauma can yield Borderline Personality Disorder, avoidant attachment trauma can yield Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and disorganized attachment trauma can yield Antisocial Personality Disorder. Amy breaks down the links between the insecure attachment styles and these disorders of the personality. This talk WILL get your wheels turning! Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

There's a lot of talk about narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder floating around and that's GOOD! Amy's clinical perspective shines light on intellectual gatekeeping within the mental health field and dares to share some really important information about NPD, BPD, and other personality disorders for adults with C-PTSD and complex trauma. Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Codependency isn't spending a lot of time with somebody. It is a much more deeply rooted rejection of self that silences it's sufferers into abandoning their self in order to preserve relationships. Amy breaks down an overview of what codependency is, how it comes from complex trauma, what common traits of codependency are, and how codependency interacts with adult attachment. Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Male-dominated Psychology had blamed our mothers for mental-emotional issues for more than a century. How accurate is this assumption? Maybe more than we'd like to admit. BUT systems of patriarchy, capitalism, imperialism, colonialism, sexism, racism, ableism, and homophobia, AKA 'great white father' has set our mothers up for failure. Amy breaks down how these patriarchal systems of oppression are the TRUE ROOT OF OUR SUFFERING. Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc

Hosts of The Way of the Femme (Stephanie Carrodegua and Amy Gordon) reunited and it feels so good to share with you all about the vulnerability, struggles, and realities of starting a podcast and hope to inspire you to follow your dreams. Catch up with your favorite queer femmes in this crossover episode and enjoy the meandering, spiralic, and feral discussion of some of life's greatest mysteries and challenges. Enjoy! 💋 Email me at: [email protected] Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@adventuresinrelationship Insta: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinrelationship/ Professional: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amy-gordon-adventures-in-therapy-albuquerque-nm/1062329 Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5qjtyXqgsYqKbvmLGzZWTT?si=6ab912983a6947fc STEPHANIE'S LINKS: Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3np0mDT7qBvd1OjdkI6sXR?si=3HfNu8aTQ06HCrYrlmLHqg&nd=1&dlsi=4c92eba4d6d443d0 Website: https://empoweredcoach.my.canva.site/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio Insta: https://www.instagram.com/coachstephaniecarrodegua/?igsh=bTFldGF6b29jY3ht#