Advertise on podcast: Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls

The Girls crash a local high school reunion with assumed identities such as the ever-popular prom queen Cindy Lou Peeples and the class B Susan Armstrong. While it seems like a load of fun, things quickly take a turn when Rose is rushed to the hospital with a cardiac emergency. Kierstan, who apparently lives in Miami now (?) comes by, Blanche finds Jesus while entertaining her daughter and granddaughter, and Sophia does the best Scandinavian accent we've heard yet. A wild ride fitting for the penultimate two-parter of the greatest television show of all time.

Blanche convinces Rose that Miles has the wandering eye, and that the only way to quell it is with a nudie photoshoot. Dorothy bumps into a former student who offers her a cushy job with a big salary, but she simply cannot part with the driver's ed cones.

In the final cross over with Empty Nest and Nurses, officially called Full Moon over Miami, all hell has broken loose at Blanche's moonlight madness party. Men are totally ignoring her, except for Derek ah...sumpin, they're all over Dorothy, Miles and Rose might get married, and Sophia is out here trippin rabbis. A wild romp that ends with everyone just accepting that the moon makes people crazy sometimes.

Dorothy is perfectly content watching Amazing Discoveries (it just shucks it off!) but Blanche insists she come down to The Rusty Anchor and meet some men. Dorothy ends up bringing the house down with a 'little ditty' that sends Blanche into a green with envy (or maybe magenta with envy?) tailspin. Meanwhile, Sophia, Blanche and Rose plan Sophia's live wake.

Angelo and Rose accidentally get Dorothy and Stan into some hot water regarding their rental property. Meanwhile, Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Dorothy and Blanche audition for Jeopardy, but Blanche doesn't know where the Ural Mountains are and Dorothy has studied everything under the sun, including the St. Olaf High Yearbook. Meanwhile, in one of the teariest tearjerkers of all time, the girls get Rose a dog to raise her spirits, which she gifts to a widower who lost his wife not hours before.

Dorothy finally beds a Beatle. Or, at least an incredible simulation. Meanwhile, Blanche aggressively pursues a very very tall gentleman.

Hello, Mr. Gordon! In an all-time fav, Dorothy's high school teacher, whom she had a massive crush on, is in Miami. She hopes to impress him by sharing her views on women's issues on a local TV Show booked by A+ TV producer Rose, aka Harold Goldstein.

Creepy Thor Anderson is here from St. Olaf after saving up for the bus fare and maybe low-key stalking Rose. Meanwhile, Sophia answers a personal ad, thinks she's caught up in sex games, but is actually witnessing the heartbreaking reality of a wife trying to prepare her husband for her imminent death. What a load of fun!

The Pope is in Miami and Sophia is hellbent on getting a papal blessing for her sick friend, Agnes. So hellbent, in fact, that she steals a jewel-encrusted ring steeped in history to make her point. Meanwhile, Blanche gives Roes the gift of suspicion with a detective in the bushes.

B̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶B̶o̶b̶,̶ Bill! Bill is back from the war and really looking to get back on track with his serious relationship. The problem is, Blanche, whom he's been pining for the whole time he's deployed, doesn't remember him. Meanwhile, Sophia uses Rose as an estate attorney and is hoarding more than just gold teeth.

It's spooky season and what better way to celebrate than some Grammy-haunted windchimes! The girls help Blanche say goodbye to her [definitely racist] Grammy's plantation outside Atlanta. Meanwhile, Sophia dies for a minute and comes back with a life wish.