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Alyssa is celebrating 100 episodes this week by talking about the five different love languages, first coined by psychologist Gary Chapman.  Learning about the five love languages can significantly improve the relationships you have with partners, friends, and family. To learn more about the different love languages, please see Gary Chapman's book: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma You can also check out Alyssa at www.alyssascolari.com Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hey everybody. It is your host Alyssa Scolari. Welcome back to another episode of The Light After Trauma podcast and most especially, happy 100th episode. We are officially in triple digits. I don't know how that happened. I have no clue. It has been almost two years since the podcast started and I can't even wrap my brain around it. We are a hundred episodes in, and it has been so much fun every step of the way. I remember being in the pandemic right at the beginning when everything was supposed to shut down for only two weeks. And I remember thinking to myself, I have to do something to help people that are suffering. I have to do something to help people have a greater understanding about mental health. And it sort of just dawned on me like, "Oh, I really want to start a podcast." Alyssa Scolari [01:28]: That is a great way to reach people and to be able to provide people with free access to mental health education. So I remember I get all these reminders on my phone from Facebook, I guess, as my equipment would come in, like my podcast microphone. I would take a picture of it and I would put it on my story. So I keep getting little reminders on my social media from that two years ago and it is mind boggling and I'm really honored to be here. There are times when the podcast has really stressed me out and has felt like a lot. But honestly, for the most part, I have been loving every second of it and I have formed friendships with, I think so many of you. I have amazing friendships right now that I would've never had if it weren't for this podcast, whether it's people who have been on the show, whether it is people who have contacted me after hearing the podcast and we just connected on social media. Alyssa Scolari [02:38]: I just feel like I have friends all over the world and you have been right by my side, listening to me, not just share my story, but be vulnerable. Because I shared my story, but I share my story for the most part, as I'm going through things. And it has been great to feel the support. It has been great to be able to give support in the form of education about mental health. It's just been great. It's all been great. I don't even have any words. I don't have any words. So if you and I have talked and we're friends, thank you. I love you. If you and I have never spoken, but you just listened to the podcast. Thank you. I love you. We are going to keep going until, I don't know when. I don't know, we're just going to keep going. We're going to keep doing it. So thank you so much for all your support. I would honestly never be here without you. Alyssa Scolari [03:46]: And if you are continuing to like what you hear and you haven't done so already, I kindly ask that you please leave a rating or review of the podcast because those ratings really help the podcast to continue to grow and to reach a wider audience so more people can get the mental health education and support and t

Alyssa has stepped away from the podcast this week while she works on a very exciting project for you all! This week, we are reaching back into the archives with a timely episode as summer heats up in the Northern Hemisphere! REDUX: Live your best life this summer as Alyssa offers advice to those of us grappling with a fear of wearing shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits this summer. Tune in for some inspiration so that this summer can be one where you embrace the incredible body you have - at any shape and size!   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari: Hey,how's it going? You know what time it is. We are back out it with another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. You know the deal. I'm your host, Alyssa Scolari and life is pretty good right now. Just wanted to take a moment to kind of check in with all of you. And sometimes I feel like with the interview episodes, sometimes I feel like my personality or my connection to the audience can get lost in translation, just because I think there's a lot of obviously getting to hear and understand and process the stories and the information from the guest speakers. [00:01:27] So while I absolutely love having guest speakers, I also really want to maintain an authentic connection with all the listeners out there. So, today I was supposed to have a guest speaker come on and unfortunately there was just some kind of confusion in scheduling. So we had to reschedule and I have some free time and I was like, you know what: [00:01:53] "I actually have some things I wanted to talk about." So it's kind of nice to be able to do a solo episode. I have not done one in a while and that is not because I haven't wanted to, but life has been a little bit, how would you say this: wild, insane all over the place, aah I shouldn't say insane. One of the things I've really been trying to work on is trying to avoid the use of certain words. [00:02:25] When we talk about the concept of linguistic evolution, right?.We don't use certain words anymore. I think one of the words that I'm really trying hard to stop using is crazy and insane. So my reactions to things, because I'm such an animated person, my gut response is to always be like, "oh my God, that's crazy." [00:02:45] Or, "oh my God, that's insane." But you know, it can be offensive calling somebody crazy. You know, the word crazy itself has a very negative connotation and was, I think a lot of people who struggled with mental illness were called crazy and I've been called crazy actually. And it's, it cuts pretty deep. [00:03:07] So, that's just my own personal preference. Some people may be listening and may be like, "oh my gosh, that's way too much of a stretch," but that's just something I've been trying to work on. So that was a little tidbit, but life has been so wild. We are in the process of house hunting. And if any of you know anything about this market, it is... [00:03:29] I mean again, I'm not going to say crazy, but it is unlike anything I've ever seen before in my life. People are coming in and offering literally a hundred thousand dollars over asking price for homes, because there's such a high demand for homes. And there simply aren't enough sellers. And we know we've been looking for homes for.... [00:03:50] I want to say coming up on a year now. And it has been a really defeating process. The last couple months in particular, we thought that we had found something and we're still actually not entirely sure if

Happy Pride Month! The month of June (and every month!) is a great time to celebrate the beauty of the LGBTQPIA+ community. In this week's episode, Alyssa notes that while we certainly have come a long way in gaining rights for the LGBTQPIA+ community, there is still very far to go in terms of achieving true equality. For example, many of our states still recognize the lethal "Gay Panic Defense". Alyssa also includes a personal note on her own experience with coming out for the first time this year.    Source Material: https://people.com/human-interest/pride-month-explained-pride-month-facts/   https://lgbtqbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/  Donate to the Human Rights Campaign Donate to The Trevor Project Donate to the National Center for Transgender Equality   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:24]: Everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host Alyssa Scolari. Super excited to be here because it is Pride Month. And that is exactly what we are talking about. This episode, we are talking about Pride. We are talking about the importance of Pride, and we are talking about why we need to continue to advocate for the LGBTQ community. I'm really, actually, a little bit anxious about today's episode, because I am going to be talking about things that I have never spoken about before. And so I'm a little bit nervous as we get into it, but we are just going to dive right in. Although before we do that, just some housekeeping stuff. So if you have not done so already, please leave a review for the podcast. Reviews, ratings go such a long way in terms of helping the podcast to reach a greater audience. And I really feel strongly that everybody deserves some kind of access to free mental health education, information, and support. Alyssa Scolari [01:43]: So the more reviews and ratings we have, the greater access people can have to this podcast. And it would mean the world to me. So if you have not done so already, please do so. I would greatly appreciate it. Also, if you are interested in becoming a Patreon member, you can check out the show notes where you can just click right on the link and you can donate as little or as much as you would like to the podcast. You can become a monthly Patreon member, or you could just do a one time donation, anything would be greatly appreciated. And all of the money that you donate goes directly in to helping fund the podcast and helping to keep the machine going, essentially. It costs roughly anywhere from $800-$900 a month to fund this podcast, between all of the software that we have to pay for and the editing. That is what it costs. So, again, this is not me complaining about the price. I am really fortunate enough to be in a place where I can do this, but if you are able and willing to give any amount would be greatly appreciated. Alyssa Scolari [03:04]: I hope everyone is off to a grand old week. I am doing pretty good, had a good day today. It's kind of late when I'm recording this, it's about 9:30 at night, which is pretty late for me to be doing any sort of work. But I had a burst of energy and I felt like I had a lot to say. And I was like, "I'm just a little anxious about this discussion today. You know what, we're doing it." So I made myself a cup of hot tea and here we are chatting today. So I think that as I get into this conversation, people are going to have one of two thoughts. And I t

This week brings the final episode in a series of discussions on setting boundaries. Pulling from Nedra Glover Tawwab's book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, this week's discussion centers on the following:  - 6 areas where setting boundaries is necessary - 3 steps to set healthy boundaries  -What to do after setting boundaries -How to manage people's reactions to your boundaries  Order Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab Nedra Tawwab's Instagram: @nedratawwab Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma Transcript:   Alyssa Scolari: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast, the full episode this week. I'm your host Alyssa Scolari, and I am so happy to be here for a full episode. If you listened to the mini episode that I put out last week, well, it wasn't even an episode. It was just a brief announcement. My husband and I have been recovering from COVID. We both went all this time without getting it, and then we went to a wedding. One of our really good friends got married, and the wedding was so much fun. But the next day, part of the wedding party had woken up and tested positive for COVID. And then a few days after, David tested positive for COVID, and then I tested positive. Alyssa Scolari: So it was not fun. I will say I am very glad that I have had the privilege of being both vaccinated and boosted, because I do not want to know what COVID would've looked like if I did not have the vaccine. It wasn't scary, but it was almost just like, "Whoa. I can't believe this feels this bad even with the vaccine." It felt like the flu. Thankfully, neither of us had to go to the hospital. Neither of us had any issues with breathing or anything like that. And we are both on the mend. Alyssa Scolari: Today is actually one of the first days that I have my voice back. And my voice might sound a little bit off. I don't know. It doesn't to me. But I had lost my voice and couldn't really work or do anything. So it's been a little relaxing, but also boring, but also just irritating being sick when it was Memorial Day weekend and then it was a really beautiful summer weather. And there was just so many things we wanted to do. And we were supposed to have a house warming party with all of our friends, and we had to cancel that. And it's just been a bummer. Alyssa Scolari: But again, I'm just very happy to be healthy and I'm very thankful that we are both on the mend. So thank you for bearing with me. There was no way I was going to be able to put out an episode, because I was just feverish and had no voice. But we are back with another part, well, another episode on boundaries. So it's like a three part series or a three episode series. I am fairly certain this will be the last one. We're going to see how much we get into today. Alyssa Scolari: But if you have not listened to the other two episodes, you can go back and listen. We are talking about boundaries. And a lot of the information that I am sharing today is going to be based off of Nedra Tawwab's book Set Boundaries, Find Peace. And that is the same book that I used in the previous two episodes. Boundaries, as I've said before and I'll say it again, I believe, are the most important tool for not just healing from trauma, but for honestly just existing and living a peaceful life. Alyssa Scolari: That's more of a personal belief. I think a lot of people would agree with me, honestly. So we're talking about it, because

This week was scheduled to be another episode in the series on setting boundaries, however, Covid seemed to have other plans.    Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript:   Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the Light After Trauma podcast. Although we do not have an episode for you today. I am so sorry. I know we were supposed to continue the conversation about boundaries and I had some great things to share with you, but David and I partied a little too hard this weekend and by partied, I mean, we had a wedding. One of our closest friends got married and it was the best time ever, but we both got COVID. So we have been sick and I have not been up for recording a full length episode. We are recovering, we made it all this time without getting COVID and now we have it. Luckily so far, our symptoms are pretty mild, so it's nothing too bad, but we are just resting and recovering. So there will be no episode today, but I will be back next week, hopefully better than ever excited to talk to you some more about boundaries. So take good care. I hope you have a wonderful week and I am holding you in the light.

In this week’s episode, Alyssa continues the important discussion from last week surrounding boundaries. Pulling from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, this week’s discussion centers on the following:  Different ways people might react to setting boundaries Why we are often afraid to set boundaries How we can push past our fears around setting boundaries  Nedra Tawwab's Instagram: @nedratawwab Order Set Boundaries, Find Peace — Nedra Tawwab   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript:   Alyssa Scolari [00:00]: Hey everybody, what's up? Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host Alyssa Scolari, talking about boundaries today. This is the part two of a series that we are doing on boundaries. In the first episode, which if you haven't listened to, I highly recommend you go back and check that out. In that first episode, we talked about what are boundaries and why do we need them, why are they so important. We also talked about the different types of boundaries: porous, rigid, and healthy. And we also talked about some of the biggest areas in which people tend to struggle with boundaries the most. Alyssa Scolari [01:08]: As I mentioned in last week's episode, so much of this information is taken from a book that I highly recommend. It is called Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab, and you can also listen to it on Audible if you're not a big reader and you'd rather listen. I listen to the book on Audible. You can go look in the show notes, if you want access to the book, or if you want to follow Nedra on Instagram. She's absolutely amazing therapist and does awesome work with boundaries. And I said this last week, but it is worth repeating, I personally believe that boundaries are the most important tool that you can have with you, not just for healing from trauma, but throughout your entire life. Alyssa Scolari [01:58]: That being said, I also personally believe it's one of the hardest things to do, and it brings up a lot of feelings for people. I feel like I should probably say that. It's really, really hard, particularly for survivors of trauma who have been taught that our needs don't matter. And again, I speak about all of this in the last week's episode, so feel free to go and check that out if you haven't already. That being said, if you haven't listened to it, I don't think that you necessarily do need to listen to it in order to benefit from this episode. I think you can kind of just dive right in today with the rest of us. Alyssa Scolari [02:39]: So just some housekeeping things. I actually know, I started off last week's episode by talking about how I had gone no contact with my family. I know that I've been talking for the last couple of weeks about how I've been struggling a lot with depression, and then some things happened and I went no contact with my family and just wanted to follow up and say that I am hanging in there. I'm doing all right. I think that I'm better than I've been in a long time. I'm taking space and time to grieve and to give myself grace. But overall, I think I am better than I've been in a really long time. So feeling good, feeling energized, excited to be out of that depressive funk. It was awful. So really excited to be out of that, really excited to just have a new kind of zest for life. Alyssa Scolari [03:44]: It's been really hot here where I live, so I've been staying hydra

This week on the podcast Alyssa discusses a brand new, multi-episode topic. Pulling from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, Alyssa discusses what boundaries are, why we need them, and some of the most prominent areas in which people struggle to set boundaries.  Nedra Tawwab’s Instagram: @nedratawwab Order Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I am your host, Alyssa Scolari. Glad to be back here today. We are talking about boundaries which is in my opinion, one of the most important tools too, and not just healing, but also one of the most important tools that you can use in your everyday life as you go throughout your entire life. You need boundaries all of the time. Alyssa Scolari [00:50]: So before we get into that, just a few housekeeping things. If I have not gotten back to you yet, I know a few of you have reached out to me on Patreon. If I haven't gotten back to you yet, please forgive me. It's been a little bit hectic. I know that in the last episode, I talked about how I have really been struggling with depression. And at the time that I recorded that episode, I was saying like, "I just don't know why I feel this way, and I have done absolutely everything I can do to try to make myself feel better. I've tried to take care of myself to the best of my ability, and yet still, here I am so depressed." Alyssa Scolari [01:31]: Now in the time between when I recorded that episode, and when I am recording this episode, I have a lot more insight into why I was feeling the way that I was feeling. I thought that I understood maybe a part of why I was feeling really depressed with the anniversary of my mom getting really sick, but now that I've ... Well, I should say now that certain events in my life have unfolded, I can confidently say that I know more about why I was feeling so depressed, and I think that emphasizes the importance of hanging in there and riding the wave even if you don't understand what's happening because sometimes we don't understand what's happening, but it's important to hang in there anyway because I am on the mend. Alyssa Scolari [02:24]: Well, somewhat. I will continue to get better, and I now understand that I was gearing up for a goodbye. And I'm just going to briefly touch on what has happened. I will more than likely do an episode where I go into a little bit more depth about it, but I don't know for sure yet, I'm still trying to process what happened. And I'm still trying to grieve and figure out for myself what life is going to look like now because this truly was the hardest decision that I have ever made in my life. Alyssa Scolari [03:09]: I have made the decision to go no contact with my family and briefly, I had a falling out with my brother shortly after I recorded last week's episode. And due to the falling out with my brother, I terminated that relationship because I realized that it was not healthy for me at all, and hasn't been healthy for me for probably 30 years. And so I terminated that relationship. And as a result of terminating that relationship, my mother and I had a falling out about that. And it was really at that point that I knew for me that these relationships aren't going to work in my life no matter how much I wish that they would. Alyssa Scolari [04:12]: So I r

Depression might be clinically diagnosed as a very specific set of symptoms, but it is often so much more than that. Does your depression cause you to over-function? Does it cause you to under-function? Has your pain ever been invalidated because your symptoms don’t look like the stereotypical symptoms of depression? If so, you are not alone! Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:19]: Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host, Alyssa Scolari, back with a solo episode, after taking a few weeks of doing a guest episode with Rebecca Christensen. It was a two-part series on narcissistic abuse. If you haven't gotten a chance to check it out, it is very good. Go check it out. I was taking a break, mostly because I haven't been feeling that great and physically I'm feeling mostly okay. But emotionally I have not been feeling well at all. April is just not my month. And so I definitely needed a few weeks off. So Rebecca and I had done this two-part episode and I thought now was a perfect time to be able to share it with you all, because it gave me a little bit of a break just to be able to recuperate and try to recover a little bit. And quite honestly, I am still not feeling good, at all. Alyssa Scolari [01:33]: And I think there's a million reasons why. I already know the answer to the why, but the question of how do I get these feelings to go away or to leave? I have yet to answer that because I've been feeling terrible for, I would say at least like a month at this point. I have just been really struggling with depression. And I know that there's a lot going on. Just as an example, this time of year, particularly, is really hard because four years ago was when my mom got really, really sick and she almost died. In fact, we were told that she was going to die and she made it and she survived, but not without months of her being in the hospital and being in ICU and her being up and down and up and down. And one minute she wasn't going to make it. And the next minute she might have a chance. Alyssa Scolari [02:43]: It was an emotional rollercoaster for months. And I can't forget it and I will never forget it. And I think this time of year is when it just hits me the hardest. My body... You Bessel van der Kolk said it best, right? Your body keeps the score. And my body has been reminding me that this time of year, four years ago, was really, really hard. I spent like 24 hours a day, just like praying to every God out there, that my mom would live. And she did. But it's hard because I feel like... I don't want to sound ungrateful because I'm very, very grateful for the circumstances, and I know other people don't have circumstances like that. Other people do lose their parents. So I'm trying not to act like this was the worst thing that ever could have happened. But with that being said, I think that I need to acknowledge that it was very traumatic and it's not even just that. It's a million other things, too, that have been going on and changes in my life and shifts in my relationships that have been really, really hard for me. Alyssa Scolari [04:06]: And I have been depressed. And it's really interesting to hear myself say that because I have always held... I think prior to becoming a therapist, I have always held such a stigma of depression. And I notice that the people around me, the world around us, people hold such a stigma about it. People are so much more likely to say I ha

What is covert vs. overt narcissism? What do symptoms of abuse look like in victims? Can an abuser ever truly change? This week brings us part two of a two-part series with Rebecca Christianson, LCSW, on narcissistic abuse. Learn more about Rebecca Christianson, LCSW   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I am your host, Alyssa Scolari, and we have part two today of our episode about narcissism with Rebecca Christianson, who you all know very well at this point, is the founder and owner of Rebellious Wellness Counseling in South Jersey. We are just going to jump right into it, pick up where we left off. So if you have not listened to last week's episode, please be sure to do so because we are breaking down narcissism into a two-part episode and this is part two. So if you didn't listen to part one, please remember to go back and listen. And really, we are just picking up where we left off. And where we left off is wanting to talk about the differences between covert narcissism and overt narcissism because narcissism can be glaring and in your face, but it can also be much more subtle. And I think Rebecca and I can probably both agree that both types are terrible, but covert narcissism can be, I don't know if I want to say a little bit more insidious, but it can be much more confusing for the victims. So do you want to take it, Rebecca? What do you have to say on that? Rebecca Christianson [01:43]: One of the ways that narcissism can be covert is that sometimes narcissists play this down, depressed ... They elicit empathy and you always end up feeling sorry for them. And so people are like, "Oh no, they're not a narcissist. They're depressed," but certainly there are times where people are depressed and are down and do need empathy and support. The problem is that a narcissist uses that to entice people to feel sorry for them. But those traits of narcissism like selfishness and they're never really trying to help other people, it's always just about getting people to help them. It's always about them. Alyssa Scolari [02:33]: Yes. Yeah, I can think in a relationship, a red flag for this could be ... And I guess I should say this and I think we might have said this in the other episode, but if we didn't, then it bears saying now. So Rebecca and I are giving examples, but the loved one in your life that you are thinking may or may not be a narcissist, we are not diagnosing this person. We're not that person's therapist, so we can't diagnose people. And simply because we are giving traits of what a narcissist can look like does not necessarily mean that somebody who has these traits is always going to be a narcissist. So just keep that in mind as you go through this process and just reflecting off of what Rebecca said, I think, a good example might be. The narcissist even tries to elicit sympathy if you are the one with a problem. Right? Would you agree with that? Rebecca Christianson [03:34]: Yep. Yes. Right. They elicit sympathy even if you're the one that has the problem, they will turn it around so that you are then taking care of them. They lack the ability to have compassion or empathy for other people. It always has to turn back around them so there's a very selfish nature in a covert narcissist and they keep you in this detrimental cycle. And it's really sometimes hard to see because we typically think of a narc

What is narcissism and how do we know if someone is a narcissist?  Alyssa teams up with returning podcast guest, Rebecca Christianson, LCSW as they tackle this very important topic.  Learn more about Rebecca Christianson, LCSW   Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript   Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hello, beautiful people. Welcome back to another episode of The Light After Trauma podcast. I'm your host, Alyssa Scolari. This is a two part, well, really a two part series. This is going to be two episodes today, and it is a guest episode. It has been a while since we've had a guest episode. I know that we he had talked about me sort of reeling back on guest episodes and being much more particular with who's coming on the show, just because I know that you all are really interested and have really, really liked the solo episodes that I've done. Alyssa Scolari [00:57]: But you all also love today's guest, who is a friend of the family, friend of the podcast, it's Rebecca Christianson. Duh, would it be anyone else? We love Rebecca. She has been on this podcast to talk about grief. She's been on the podcast to talk about guilt and shame, and she's incredible. Alyssa Scolari [01:19]: Today she's on the podcast to talk about narcissism. And I know this one's going to be a really big hit for you all because narcissism is honestly a very hot term right now. It is a really hot topic. It is all over TikTok, all over social media. But before we dive right into narcissism, I just want to take a minute to let you know who Rebecca is. Alyssa Scolari [01:41]: If you are a new listener, Rebecca really started out as a mentor for me and became, honestly, one of my closest friends. She's absolutely a soulmate of mine. We were absolutely meant to know each other in this life and every other life after that. And she really is the reason why I am the therapist that I am today. Alyssa Scolari [02:05]: So Rebecca is the founder of a group practice called Rebellious Wellness Counseling in the state of New Jersey in the United States. And I will, of course, link her group practice. She works with a bunch of wonderful people. She does amazing work. She is, especially you do a lot of grief, right? Like that's like you special when I think of you, I think like you do grief, but you also do couples, right? Rebecca Christianson [02:33]: Yes. Alyssa Scolari [02:34]: Yeah. Rebecca Christianson [02:34]: Yes. Alyssa Scolari [02:35]: Rebecca does two of the hardest things that I think any therapist can do. So I will absolutely link her group practice in the show notes for today. So let's just hand it over to Rebecca. Welcome. Rebecca Christianson [02:51]: Thank you. Thanks for having me. You always say the nicest things. You are the therapist that you are because you are extremely talented and work really hard, but thank you for giving me credit for that. Alyssa Scolari [03:04]: All shucks. Thank you. Rebecca Christianson [03:05]: Yeah. So I am always honored to be on the podcast. I love, obviously, I love talking to you. I love tackling some of these topics that I think are complex topics that everybody has to handle, but don't always understand exactly how to handle it or how it affects their lives. So I'm happy to be on it. Alyssa Scolari [03:27]: Yeah, exactly, exactly. And we make a really good team, which is why I feel like tackling narcissism today is like, you and I are really, really well suited to do this together because it's a really

Diet culture and weight loss tools thrive off of making us hate our bodies. The good news is that you CAN reject the societal pressure to change your body and choose to love your body instead. In this week’s episode, Alyssa breaks down the necessary steps toward loving the body you have.    Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hi Everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Light After Trauma podcast. I am your host Alyssa Scolari, happy to be here for another solo episode. It is a beautiful day that I am recording. The weather is heating up and with the warm weather, I have noticed not just in my private practice but also really just on social media, in general, and the people around me, the conversation is shifting to how can I get in the best shape possible for the warmer weather for summer, for shorts and skirts and short sleeve shirts and things like that. And so I will likely be putting out an episode like this every year when the weather warms up because we need it. Alyssa Scolari [01:16]: We are talking today about how to improve your body image, which is a really hard thing to do. We know that our society pushes thinness, thinness, thinness and diets and eating healthy and losing as much weight as you can. And well, honestly, of course they do. Because it might shock you to realize this but the diet industry alone in the year 2021, grossed $254.9 billion. And even worse than that, by the year 2026, it is projected to gross $377.3 billion. So, of course, they're pushing diets because they are making big bucks off of it. Now, a lot of people will say that this isn't true. Alyssa Scolari [02:21]: Diet is in the name of health and higher weight can be correlated with the onset of so many different diseases. And to that, I will say, there is a large body of research out there showing that this simply is not true. And that many of these studies that found that information, the way these studies were conducted were basically set up in a way to achieve that similar result, right? To achieve that result that they were expecting. That yep, that's what we know. Having fat on your body means that you're going to have disease and then eventually you're going to die an early death. Alyssa Scolari [03:02]: That is actually not true and we have a very outdated way of looking at things. I mean, for the love of God, our doctors in the United States ... I don't know about other countries but the doctors in the United States are still using the BMI, which is the body mass index, which basically takes your weight and your height and does a calculation and spits out whether you are obese or not and the level of your obesity and how at risk you are. We know now that the BMI is flawed in so many ways. Number one, because it doesn't tell you anything about body composition. Alyssa Scolari [03:44]: It is just assuming, based on your height and weight, that you are all fat. If the number on the scale is higher, then that must be fat. Therefore, you are unhealthy and therefore you need to do something. So the BMI has been telling people for years, that people who are healthy need to lose weight and it is something that doctors have not seen a problem with. Well, I should say most doctors haven't seen a problem with. And it is something that our diet industry hasn't seen a problem with because dieting is a huge money maker. Now it might be a money maker but it also was a soul breaker, it literally rips our so

Self sabotage often shows up at many points throughout our trauma recovery. It can take both conscious and unconscious forms. Tune in to find out if you may be sabotaging your own healing process.    Check out the Light After Trauma website for transcripts, other episodes, Alyssa's guest appearances, and more at: www.lightaftertrauma.com Want to get more great content and interact with the show? Check us out on Instagram: @lightaftertrauma We need your help! We want to continue to make great content that can help countless trauma warriors on their journey to recovery. So, please help us in supporting the podcast by becoming a recurring patron of the show via Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lightaftertrauma   Transcript:   Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: What's up everybody. It's Alyssa Scolari. I am your host of the Light After Trauma Podcast. Welcome back to another episode, talking about self-sabotage today. I'm very passionate about this one. Very passionate. I'm going to get real raw today and it's going to be really uncomfortable. Alyssa Scolari [00:45]: Trigger warning just upfront. We're going to be talking about some sexual abuse related stuff. Not the whole episode. So you can feel free to skip when I'm talking about it and yeah, that's what we got today. We're talking about self-sabotage. Alyssa Scolari [01:02]: Just some housekeeping things. Thank you, of course, as always for all of the love and the support. In case you missed it on the last episode, we raised $110 for Doctors Without Borders to help in Ukraine, which is so exciting. You can actually see the receipt for the donation on the Instagram. My Instagram is Light After Trauma. So feel free to go check it out. You can see the receipt, but if you signed up to become a Patreon member for the month of March, whatever you donated for that month, I matched with my own money. And then we sent that to Doctors Without Borders. So that was really fun. That was really awesome. And I can't wait to continue to do this for like other causes and charities and ah, it's good stuff. Good, good stuff. I'm super proud of us in our little community. So thank you. Thank you. Alyssa Scolari [01:58]: If you still want to become a Paton member, you can head on over to the show notes and that would extremely helpful. Anything you are able to give towards the podcast really helps keep this podcast up and running. So I appreciate it. Thank you for your also reviews and ratings. It helps the podcast to grow. It helps get the word out. So anytime you leave a review, it is extremely, extremely helpful and helps the podcast to move up in the ranks. And then when it moves up in the ranks, it becomes more available to people. So thank you. Thank you very much. And I think that's it. Alyssa Scolari [02:40]: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's not it. I did want to say you are all the best, you really are. Because last week's episode, when I was talking about my horror story with the EMDR therapist, some of you emailed me and gave me referrals to therapists in your area or therapists that you know of that you thought would be great. And I just love it. I'm so thankful for the support. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me. And it's also really nice to hear from you because I feel like I have a bunch of friends out there, but I don't necessarily have confirmation of that unless I hear from you in some way, shape or form. I don't know who you are unless you reach out to me. So I just love it when I hear from people. It's so much fun. I just feel like I have a bunch of friends. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Alyssa Scolari [03:43]: As an update on the EMDR front, the therapist that I had, and if you listened last week, you kind of know what happened. That the therapist I had ghosted me completely and it was horrible. After one session, I went back to our second session and he did not show up. And there's a little bit more to it, but you can feel free