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What if the behaviors that made you successful are the same ones keeping you from feeling fulfilled? You learned to be dependable. You became the overachiever, the caretaker, the person who never asks for help. People praised your strength, relied on your generosity, and rewarded your ability to get things done. But what if those behaviors began as ways to feel safe, earn love, or prove you were worthy? On this episode of Passion Struck, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author Terri Cole joins John R. Miles to explore how childhood wounds can shape our adult identities, relationships, and sense of worth. Drawing on her new book, Father Wound, Terri explains why achievement can become a way of proving our value, why emotionally unavailable partners can feel more familiar than healthy love, and why saying no can feel frightening even when we know we have every right to do it. Together, John and Terri examine how the roles we learned in childhood can become the very patterns that disconnect us from ourselves. They explore how to recognize the difference between being driven by fear and acting from genuine desire, and why healing does not mean losing your ambition or your strengths. It means reclaiming the freedom to choose how you want to live. In this conversation, you'll discover: Why childhood survival strategies can follow you into adulthood, even when your circumstances have changed.How achievement can become a lifelong attempt to prove you're worthy of love and attention.Why healthy relationships may initially feel unfamiliar when you've learned to associate love with unpredictability.How family roles such as the hero, caretaker, good girl, and lone wolf can shape your identity.Why successful people can look like they have everything together while struggling internally.How to recognize when you're running toward something you genuinely want versus running away from the fear that you're not enough.Why saying no can feel emotionally dangerous, and how boundaries help you stop abandoning yourself.What it means to mourn the parent you wished you had so you can stop repeating old patterns in new relationships.How healing helps you preserve your strengths while choosing a life driven by your values rather than your wounds.You can honor the person you had to become to survive without remaining that person forever. The goal isn't to erase your past or diminish your ambition. It's to understand what shaped you, reconnect with who you are, and build a life in which you no longer have to prove your worth. About Terri Cole: Terri Cole is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author of Boundary Boss, Too Much, and Father Wound: How Childhood Wounds Shape Worth, Relationships, and the Life We Build. Click here for the full shownotes. Explore her work at terricole.com and fatherwoundbook.com. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the beliefs you hold about yourself, your future, and the world around you are shaping what happens next more than you realize? Shawn Achor, bestselling author and one of the leading voices in positive psychology, joins John R. Miles to explore the science behind The Power of Beliefs. Drawing on research in psychology, medicine, education, and human performance, Shawn explains how the way we interpret our circumstances can shape how we respond to them, what we attempt, and what becomes possible. But this isn't a conversation about pretending everything will work out. Shawn explains the difference between a belief that creates real possibilities and wishful thinking, including a practical method for grounding beliefs in evidence and connecting them to the actions that make change more likely. The conversation takes a deeply personal turn when Shawn shares how the premature birth of his daughter led him to step away from work, only to later feel that he was being replaced. A chance encounter with a stranger reminded him that his work had made a difference. That moment opens the door to a bigger question: What happens when we stop believing that we matter? Together, John and Shawn explore how the beliefs that shape our lives are connected to belonging, meaningful work, social connection, and the environments we create for one another. In this episode, you'll discover: Why pursuing success first and expecting happiness to follow can leave you perpetually dissatisfied.How beliefs can influence outcomes, from the placebo effect to the home-field advantage in sports.The difference between grounded optimism and wishful thinking.How to strengthen a belief by connecting it to evidence and specific actions.The seven core beliefs Shawn explores, including whether your behavior matters, whether you matter, whether you're alone, and whether your work is meaningful.Why Shawn's experience as a father changed his understanding of success, identity, and mattering.Why feeling that your work matters can be as important as compensation.How small acts of recognition, connection, and kindness can create feedback loops that change behavior.What leaders, parents, teachers, and individuals can do to help others see evidence that they matter.The takeaway is simple but powerful: you don't have to pretend the odds are easy or the world is perfect to believe your actions can make a difference. You can build beliefs that acknowledge reality while helping you move toward a better future. Full shownotes here. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if you can be successful, needed, productive, and admired, and still feel like you don't matter? That's the paradox at the heart of John R. Miles' new book, The Mattering Effect. In this special conversation, originally recorded for Mick Hunt's Mick Unplugged, Mick sits down with John to explore the personal story behind the book and the question that changed the direction of John's life: Do I matter? John shares the calling that emerged during a discipleship class, the experience that forced him to confront his own “slow fade,” and why he eventually recognized that burnout, loneliness, disengagement, and disconnection weren't separate problems—but symptoms of something deeper. AudioTranscriberAI_0aa8383c46d9… The conversation then moves into the ideas behind The Mattering Effect: why being needed isn't the same as mattering, how the Great Erasure strips individuality from modern systems, and how the Mattering Needs Pyramid, M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework, and Mattering Compass can help rebuild a sense of worth, agency, connection, and impact.  Most importantly, this isn't just a conversation about a book. It's about what happens when you stop living to prove your worth and start living from the belief that you already have it. Full Shownotes Here. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the biggest problem in your life isn't what's wrong with you—but what's happening to you?Burnout. Loneliness. Disconnection. Exhaustion. The feeling that you're constantly working, producing, improving, and performing, yet somehow becoming less visible to yourself. What if these aren't separate problems? What if they're different expressions of the same unanswered human question: Do I matter? On the launch day of The Mattering Effect, John R. Miles shares five foundational insights from the book, exploring why so many people can be successful, needed, productive, and even indispensable while still feeling invisible to themselves.  You'll discover: Why we need to stop asking “What's wrong with people?” and start asking “What's happening to people?”The difference between unmattering—what environments and systems do to us—and antimattering—what repeated experiences of insignificance can create inside usHow the Great Erasure happens when systems prioritize utility over humanityWhy being needed isn't the same as matteringHow the Mattering Gap and Mattering Tax quietly drain our energyWhy modern life has shifted us from Thoreau's quiet desperation to what John calls quiet disorientationHow AI and algorithmic environments can either diminish or expand human agencyWhy adaptability means becoming an author of your choices rather than an NPC responding to every external promptThe six signals of the M.A.T.T.E.R. FrameworkThe four internal coordinates of the Mattering CompassHow restoring your sense of mattering can create what John calls the Mattering DividendAt the center of it all is a simple realization: Mattering is not a reward you earn. It is the foundation from which you live. Check the Full Shownotes here. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the way you’ve been taught to adapt is actually making you lose yourself?For weeks, The Adaptive Human has explored what it takes to navigate a world that keeps changing. Angela Duckworth showed us that our environments shape who we become. Martin Seligman showed us the power of agency. David Epstein revealed how constraints can unlock better thinking. Cole Brauer showed us what happens when you keep moving forward after the world tells you that you can't. Alec Litowitz challenged us to lift our heads and make sure we're not swimming harder in the wrong direction. But there's one question beneath it all: What happens when adapting to the world requires you to abandon yourself? In this series finale, John R. Miles brings the lessons of ten conversations together and introduces The Great Erasure—what happens when a culture becomes so focused on measuring our utility, productivity, and output that we gradually lose our sense of being valued simply for who we are. Because there is a difference between adaptation and compliance. You can change your strategy without changing your values. You can evolve without erasing your identity. You can become more capable without becoming more useful at the expense of your humanity. And ultimately, you can adapt to a changing world without surrendering your agency. In this episode, John explores:Why modern culture has confused adaptability with complianceHow the “marketplace of mattering” turns worth into something we constantly feel compelled to proveWhy AI makes defining yourself by your productivity increasingly dangerousHow we eventually begin treating ourselves like the systems that measure usWhy agency—not compliance—is the foundation of true adaptationWhy you need to anchor internally before you can successfully adapt externallyHow constraints, culture, and environment create the foundation for sustainable growthWhy you cannot optimize what you refuse to valueWhat happens when productivity, burnout, loneliness, and disconnection are treated as separate problemsWhy the deeper question underneath all of them may simply be, "Do I matter?"And then comes the turning point: The Great Erasure is what happens when a world built to measure your utility begins to erase your sense of being valued. The answer isn't to stop adapting. It's to adapt without abandoning yourself. And that is where The Mattering Effect begins. Catch the full show notes. Download the FREE Digital Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if you're working harder and harder—but you're still moving in the wrong direction?Alec Litowitz learned this lesson during a mountain bike race in the Pyrenees, when hesitating before a blind downhill jump nearly sent him over the handlebars. Years later, that same lesson became a framework for how he thinks about investing, leadership, AI, and life: You can't stay stuck between decisions when the environment is moving fast. Alec is an investor, entrepreneur, and founder of Magnetar Capital who has spent decades making decisions in environments defined by uncertainty. In his new book, The Adaptability Quotient, he argues that the people who thrive in the next era won't necessarily be the smartest, toughest, or most resilient. They'll be the people who can recognize when the map no longer matches the terrain—and update before reality forces them to. And that matters even more as AI changes not just the tools we use but the environment in which we think. In this conversation, Alec and I explore: Why working harder can make failure worse when you're moving in the wrong directionWhy intelligence and emotional intelligence aren't enough when the environment changesWhy adaptability is a meta-skill that tells you where to point your other strengthsHow to recognize when your mental map no longer matches realityWhy waiting for certainty can become its own form of riskWhy AI isn't simply a tool—and how it could either expand or erode human agencyWhy your values should remain stable while your strategies evolveHow to know when to change your mission without abandoning your purposeWhy feedback loops are essential to making adaptive decisionsHow to stop swimming harder and start asking whether you're still headed in the right directionAlec also shares a powerful distinction for the AI era: You can be a resistor, an adopter, or an adapter. A resistor denies the change.An adopter treats the new technology as a tool.An adapter recognizes that the technology is changing the environment—and therefore changing the person using it.That's the deeper challenge of adaptability. The question isn't simply, "How do I keep up with change?” It's: “Who do I need to become when the world I'm operating in has changed?” Check out the full shownotes. Get the Companion Digital Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the things we think are helping our children succeed are actually making it harder for them to become independent? Dr. Peter Gray has spent decades studying childhood, play, education, and human development. In his new book, Restoring Childhood, he argues that childhood has a fundamental biological purpose: gradually learning to take charge of your own life. But modern childhood looks increasingly different. More supervision. More structured activities. More academic pressure. More résumé building. Less unsupervised play, exploration, and freedom. And Peter believes that loss of independence has consequences—not only for how children learn, but for their agency, mental health, ability to discover their passions, and ultimately the adults they become. In this conversation, we explore: Why childhood is biologically designed for independenceWhy free play teaches children skills adults can't simply teach themHow we gradually took freedom and independence away from childhoodWhy turning childhood into résumé building can undermine agencyHow parenting and schooling can suppress a child's innate sense of agencyThe connection between autonomy, self-determination, and feeling that your life mattersWhy children discover their passions through curiosity and exploration—not planningHow school pressure became a major source of psychological stress for young peopleWhy Peter challenges the idea that smartphones alone explain the youth mental health crisisWhat parents can do today to give their children more independencePeter also shares a simple question every parent can ask their child: “Are there things that you would like to do independently that you're not doing right now?” Because restoring childhood doesn't necessarily require giving children unlimited freedom. Sometimes it starts by giving them one more opportunity to discover what they can do for themselves. Get the Full Shownotes Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why What Matters Most Is Rarely the Loudest What if the things getting the most attention in your life aren't actually the things that matter most? We live in a world that rewards visibility. The viral headline. The impressive title. The dramatic turnaround. The big announcement. The person who creates the most noise in the room. But some of the most valuable things in life work differently. They compound quietly. In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles explores why human beings are so easily drawn toward what is visible, dramatic, and immediate—and why that can cause us to overlook the people, decisions, relationships, and foundations that create lasting value. The episode begins with the famous Joshua Bell experiment, in which one of the world's greatest violinists played a $3.5 million Stradivarius in a Washington, D.C., Metro station and collected just $32.17. The music hadn't changed. The context had. John then connects this phenomenon to markets, workplaces, leadership, and his own experience at Dell, where a promising Android and cloud strategy was ultimately abandoned amid the company's dependence on Microsoft. The deeper lesson is about salience: our tendency to notice what is flashy and immediate while overlooking what is subtle and important. In this episode, you'll discover: Why visibility and value are often two very different thingsWhat the Joshua Bell experiment reveals about human attentionWhy intelligent people can still get pulled toward hype and spectacleHow organizations can reward dramatic behavior while overlooking quiet contributionWhat John's experience at Dell taught him about confusing legacy value with future opportunityWhy human trust, dignity, culture, and connection can be harder to measure—but enormously consequentialHow conformity can cause us to abandon our own judgment when everyone else agreesWhy Alex Edmans' advice to “see the other side” is such a powerful decision-making practiceHow to use John's Signal Audit to separate external applause from intrinsic valueWhy real adaptability isn't always about moving faster—it can mean stopping, filtering the noise, and seeing what others are missingThe question to take with you is simple: Where are you giving your best energy to something loud while starving something quiet that actually matters? Because the crowd will always react to what is flashy and immediate. Your job is to learn how to recognize the signal. Grab the Full Show Notes Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the question you’re avoiding is the one you most need to answer? We often think courage means doing something difficult or frightening. But Scott Simon says the place people struggle most isn't physical courage—it’s having the courage to ask and answer hard questions. In this episode, Scott Simon and Gregory Stock bring together two decades-long bodies of work: Scott’s exploration of courage and Gregory’s groundbreaking Book of Questions, which became a New York Times bestseller and sold millions of copies. Their new book, The Book of Questions: Courage, is built around a simple idea: the right question can take you beneath the surface of your life and reveal what you actually believe, fear, want, and value. And sometimes, one honest question can change the direction of your life. In this conversation, we explore:Why asking yourself a hard question can require more courage than taking actionThe question Scott says cuts directly to the core: What lie are you telling yourself to keep yourself safe that is actually holding you back? Why great questions don't give you answers—they create space for self-discoveryHow vulnerability can make people feel more connected rather than more exposedWhy one meaningful question can turn an ordinary dinner into an hour-long conversation that people rememberWhy we often avoid deeper conversations even with the people we know bestWhat we're losing in an increasingly distracted, answer-rich worldWhich questions we should deliberately refuse to outsource to AIWhy AI can provide information but still cannot tell us who we want to becomeThe question Scott believes everyone should ask: What is something extraordinary you've done well before you felt ready or confident? One of the most powerful ideas in the conversation is that a good question doesn't close a conversation—it opens one. So before you move on with your day, ask yourself: What is one question I've been avoiding because I already suspect I know the answer? That might be where your next chapter begins. Get the full show notes Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You're smart. You're informed. So why do you still make terrible decisions? We like to believe that intelligence and information protect us from bad decisions. They don't. Professor Alex Edmans, Professor of Finance at London Business School and Fellow of the British Academy, returns to Passion Struck to reveal the psychological forces that can distort our judgment—from confirmation bias and anchoring to herd behavior, emotional decision-making, and our tendency to follow whatever information is most visible. His new book, The Madness of Markets, uses financial markets to expose a much bigger truth about human behavior: the same biases that influence investors can shape the decisions we make in our careers, leadership, relationships, and everyday lives. Even Isaac Newton wasn't immune. In this conversation, Alex explains: Why being intelligent doesn't make you rationalWhy more information doesn't necessarily lead to better decisionsHow confirmation bias makes us see evidence that supports what we already believeWhy we tend to overreact to information that's flashy, visible, and impossible to ignoreHow anchoring causes the first information we encounter to influence our later judgmentWhy millions of people making the same mistake can create collective irrationality rather than canceling one another outHow compelling stories can overpower better evidenceWhy culture, human capital, reputation, and innovation can matter enormously even when they're difficult to measureWhy AI may change the decisions humans make without eliminating human biasAnd the one question Alex believes can make you wiser: “What is the other side?”Alex's advice extends far beyond investing. Before you change jobs, relocate, end a relationship, make a major purchase, or commit to an important belief, look for the strongest argument against your own position. If you can't see it yourself, find someone you trust who disagrees with you and ask them to make the case. Because becoming a better decision-maker isn't always about knowing more. Sometimes it's about learning to see what you're missing. Listen to the full shownotes Download the FREE Companion Digital Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the proof you're waiting for never comes? The apology. The promotion. The recognition. Someone finally admitting they were wrong about you. Someone finally telling you that you belong. What if you're waiting for proof that you don't actually need? After conversations with Cole Brauer and psychologist Marisa Franco, John R. Miles noticed a powerful connection between their work. Cole was told she was too small to survive the Southern Ocean. A year later, she sailed solo, nonstop, and unassisted around the world—without ever receiving the apology or reversal she had been waiting for. Marisa's research reveals the other side of the equation: when we already believe we're unworthy, even love, success, compliments, and positive feedback can fail to change that belief. Sometimes, the evidence simply doesn't match the story we already carry about ourselves. In this solo episode, John brings those two ideas together to explore The Verification Trap—the tendency to wait for external proof before allowing ourselves to believe we're capable, worthy, or ready to move forward. You'll discover: Why a genuine compliment can sometimes make people feel worse instead of betterHow rejection can become part of the story you believe about yourselfWhy success and achievement don't necessarily resolve a deeper sense of unworthinessHow your memories can become a database that filters the evidence you receiveWhy waiting for someone to reverse their judgment can keep you stuckThe difference between being validated and actually believing you're worthyWhat Cole Brauer's story teaches us about moving forward without permissionWhy healing requires honesty rather than constantly trying to become a better version of yourselfJohn's two-question Verification Check for identifying where you're waiting for external proofHow to take the smallest possible step toward something you've been waiting for permission to doAnd John gets personal, sharing a previously untold chapter of his own life and what rebuilding after divorce taught him about validation, action, and self-trust. He realized that the proof didn't come before he moved forward. The proof came after. The Verification CheckAsk yourself: What specific proof am I waiting for before I let myself move forward? Then ask: If that proof never arrives, is there a version of this where I go anyway? Because sometimes you don't need the verdict reversed. You need to leave the dock. Read the Full Show Notes Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do you still feel like you're not enough—even when your life looks successful from the outside? You can have a successful career, loving relationships, and people who genuinely care about you—and still struggle to believe you're worthy of love, connection, or belonging. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of the New York Times bestseller Platonic, returns to Passion Struck to explore the deeper science behind self-worth in her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment. Her argument challenges one of the most common ideas about self-esteem: you don't become worthy by achieving more, becoming more impressive, or convincing yourself that you're extraordinary. Instead, worth begins with something much harder—and much more honest: learning to accept yourself as you are. In this conversation, Marisa explains: Why achievement, compliments, and positive affirmations often fail to fix low self-worthHow childhood memories can become the lens through which we predict rejection, abandonment, or failureWhy trying to appear “secure” can actually disconnect you from your authentic selfThe hidden cost of making your worth dependent on achievementWhy healing isn't becoming a better version of yourself—it's reconnecting with the parts of yourself you've learned to ignoreWhat “open memories” are and why unresolved experiences can continue shaping how you see yourself decades laterHow attachment styles can be understood as adaptive responses rather than fixed identitiesWhy we need to stop treating our emotions as problems to solve and start allowing them to move through usHow memory reconsolidation may help us create new meaning around painful experiencesWhy sometimes becoming healthier means allowing a relationship to end rather than abandoning yourself to save itOne of the most powerful ideas in our conversation is this: The goal isn't to convince yourself that you're extraordinary. It's to recognize that you're worthy even when you're ordinary. Marisa's work offers a different way to think about healing: not as a project of optimization, but as the process of coming home to yourself. Click here for the full shownotes Download the FREE Companion Digital Workbook here. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when someone tells you that you're too small to do the thing you've been working toward your entire life? For Cole Brauer, that moment could have been the end of the story. Instead, it became part of the beginning. Cole was told she was too short to compete in the Southern Ocean. She was cut from a major team after traveling across the Atlantic and giving up paid opportunities to pursue the dream. A year later, she was sailing solo around the world. But what makes Cole's story so compelling isn't simply the achievement. It's everything she had to become along the way. Cole grew up in a small town on Long Island, moved across the country, changed academic and career directions, lived in a van, taught herself the mechanical, electrical, and rigging systems of a boat, and eventually found a community and a purpose through sailing. Then came the ultimate test: more than 130 days alone at sea. She talks openly about the loneliness and anxiety that hit her roughly two weeks into the voyage, when the team and community she had relied on suddenly disappeared. Instead of trying to suppress those feelings, she learned to understand them, participate in nature, take care of her body, and keep moving forward. Cole also shares why she chose her boat over the possibility of winning when she encountered two massive storms near Cape Horn, why First Light became more than a vessel to her, and how that relationship ultimately became a mirror through which she learned to see herself differently. In this conversation, we explore: What to do when someone else's definition of you becomes a limitation you start believing yourself.Why Cole sees rock bottom not simply as failure, but as a place from which you can begin climbing again.How purpose can sustain you when money, fame, and recognition aren't enough.Why Cole believes our lives aren't predetermined and that we can restart far more times than we think.What four months alone at sea taught her about loneliness, anxiety, self-care, and self-trust.Why nature became one of Cole's greatest teachers and helped make the unpredictable feel more understandable.How she learned to separate emotional reactions from the decisions she needed to make in moments of crisis.Why she chose to protect First Light rather than risk the boat for a chance at winning near Cape Horn.How gratitude helped her recognize the people who made the journey possible.Why the solo journey wasn't the end of Cole's transformation, but the beginning of discovering who she really was. Cole's story is ultimately a reminder that adaptation isn't always about becoming someone new. Sometimes it's about discovering who you were capable of becoming all along. And sometimes the people who tell you that you can't are simply showing you the limits of their imagination. As Cole says, when someone tells you there's no way you can do something, sometimes the only answer is: "Yeah, okay. Just watch me." Get the Full Shownotes Download the FREE Companion Workbook Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if having more freedom doesn't always make you more free? We tend to believe that adaptability means having more options, more resources, more independence, and more control. But after conversations with Martin Seligman and David Epstein, I began to see a different pattern. Sometimes unlimited freedom creates paralysis. Sometimes individual willpower becomes isolation. And sometimes our greatest breakthroughs happen not when we escape our constraints, but when we learn how to work intelligently within them. That's the paradox at the heart of this episode. David Epstein's Inside the Box shows how constraints can focus creativity and turn seemingly small problems into breakthroughs. Martin Seligman's Agency asks a deeper question: What happens when human beings believe their actions can actually change the future? Put those ideas together, and a new definition of adaptability emerges. Real adaptability isn't about controlling everything. It's about knowing where you have agency—and using it well. In this episode, I explore: Why General Magic's enormous freedom became one of its greatest weaknesses—and how smaller, more focused ideas became eBay and the PalmPilot. Why Mendeleev's breakthrough began with a textbook deadline rather than a magical dream. The first question of the Agency Check: What constraint are you running away from that might actually contain your focus? What my experience at Lowe's taught me about the danger of trying to solve enormous problems all at once. Why UPS discovered that its routing challenge was ultimately a human learning and change-management problem, not simply a technology problem. Martin Seligman's distinction between "I can" and "we can"—and why sustainable progress requires both individual and collective agency. Why unlimited information can create a poverty of attention, and what Gloria Mark's research reveals about the cost of constant task switching. David Epstein's Hemingway Principle for protecting tomorrow's most important work from today's urgent distractions. How to conduct your own Constraint Check and Agency Check when you're feeling stuck or helpless. The question isn't whether you can control everything. You can't. The question is whether you can identify what is actually within your agency, stop wasting energy fighting what isn't, and then act with intention inside the reality you've been given. Because adaptability isn't unlimited freedom. It's agency within reality. Click for the full shownotes Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever felt like you need more options, more time, more freedom, or a bigger opportunity before you can finally make progress? What if the opposite is true? Today, John R. Miles sits down with New York Times bestselling author David Epstein, author of Range and The Sports Gene, to explore why constraints can sometimes unlock the creativity and focus that unlimited freedom cannot. David's new book, "Inside the Box," challenges one of our most deeply held assumptions: that more freedom is always better. Sometimes, having too many possibilities makes it harder to decide what matters, where to focus, and what to do next. David explains how constraints can channel us into productive experimentation—and why some of the biggest breakthroughs begin with a much smaller problem than we expect. He shares the surprising reality behind the Mendeleev story, revealing how a simple textbook problem helped lead to the periodic table. He also explains what the failure of General Magic can teach us about innovation, why UPS discovered that its routing problem was really a change-management problem, and how Pixar uses constraints and small experiments to improve its biggest creative projects.  John and David also dive into one of the biggest challenges of modern life: protecting our attention. David shares how research by Gloria Mark changed the way he works, why constant task switching can increase stress, and how he now structures his day around monotasking, batching, and deliberately protecting his attention. In this episode, you'll learn: Why more freedom and more options aren't always betterHow constraints can actually increase creativity and innovationThe surprising truth behind the Mendeleev and periodic table storyWhy many breakthroughs begin with a much smaller problemWhat the failure of General Magic teaches us about innovationWhy defining the right problem may matter more than finding the perfect solutionHow UPS turned a technology problem into a learning and change-management problemWhy people need to understand change before they will trust itHow to protect your attention in a world designed to fragment itWhy multitasking may be damaging your ability to think deeplyHow to identify the bottleneck that's actually slowing your progressThe bigger lesson is one David returns to throughout the conversation: Sometimes the answer isn't to escape the box. It's to look more closely at what's inside it. Because the problem right in front of you may not be the obstacle to your next chapter. It may be the doorway. Click for the full shownotes Download the FREE Companion Digital Workbook. Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing. Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you. Connect with John Website: https://johnrmiles.comBook John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/ Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads. Disclaimer The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.