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What if the reason you never feel good enough is because you’ve confused what you do with who you are? In this Extended Edition of Winning the War for Your Heart, Laura Duncan introduces something important to listen for in Brian Freise’s story: how shame can cause us to believe our mistakes, failures, and behaviors define who we are. Brian, author of Above All Else, shares how his identity became tied to his performance, why failure felt so devastating, and how understanding the difference between what he did and who he was began to change his relationship with shame. Drawing from the story of Adam and Eve, he explores why shame and blame often go hand in hand. Then Laura returns at the end to unpack why trying harder to be good can actually keep us stuck in shame—and how unconditional self-acceptance and compassion can help us stop hiding, proving, and performing so we can reconnect with who we truly are. 📖 Get Above All Else by Brian Freise: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H1K36LC9?maas=maas_adg_04E4176EE8EDC3B33B9BC1C1A72CB82B_afap_abs&ref_=aa_maas&tag=maas 📩 Get our free Weekly Dose of Compassion — two short videos from Laura each week: https://www.triggeredandtrue.com/weeklydose

Do you ever close your Bible feeling heavier than when you opened it? For years, Brian read scripture through a shame lens. The Bible became "one big shame book" — a to-do list for earning God's love — and he walked away weighed down by everything he still had to do. In this episode of Triggered and True, Christian emotional health consultant Laura Duncan and co-host Brian Freise explore how shame quietly shapes the way we read the Bible, hear a sermon, and relate to God — and how to tell the Spirit's conviction from shame's condemnation. Laura shares what she heard when she asked God how to read the Bible shame-free, why guilt can be healthy when shame never is, and how the Compassion Method helps you notice what a passage actually makes you feel. What you do matters, but you matter more. The Bible was always meant to be a love letter, not a scorecard. In this episode: 🔹 Why Brian read the Bible as a to-do list for earning love — and what changed when he saw it as a love letter from God 🔹 Conviction vs. condemnation: both hurt, but one leaves you empowered and not alone, while the other just says "try harder" (and why no hope is Brian's dead giveaway that he's triggered) 🔹 Guilt says "I made a mistake"; shame says "who I am is wrong" — plus what Jesus' words to the Pharisees about heavy burdens reveal about shame 🔹 The day Laura's daughter came to the car skipping, even though the bully was still there — and why a hard sermon doesn't have to become who you are, even when it hurts 🔹 A simple, shame-free Bible reading practice: noticing whether you feel helpless, hopeless, trapped, sad, scared, or lonely, and bringing compassion to what you find Dive deeper with these two great resources! 👇 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book! 📩 Get your free Weekly Dose of Compassion  Two quick notes in your inbox every week. One to speak over yourself. One from Laura: https://www.lauraduncan.com/pl/2148814868

What if the part of you that feels broken isn’t who you really are? In this Extended Edition of Winning the War for Your Heart, Laura Duncan highlights something important to listen for in Brian Freise’s story: how early in life we can begin believing there’s something wrong with us—and how that belief can shape the way we see ourselves years later. Brian, author of Above All Else, goes deeper into his own experience of feeling broken and what began to change when he learned to understand his emotional pain differently. Then Laura returns at the end to unpack why we can mistake our triggered self for our true self—and what it can look like to begin separating who we are from the ways we learned to respond to pain. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

Why do we react in ways we regret when we’re triggered—and why can it feel so impossible to stop in the moment? In this Extended Edition of Winning the War for Your Heart, Laura Duncan highlights what to listen for as Brian Freise, author of Above All Else, shares the brain science behind our emotional reactions and how understanding the primal brain changed the way he saw his own triggers. Then Laura returns at the end to unpack the four common trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how each can show up when we’re emotionally triggered. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

What if your anxiety, panic, or depression isn't something you need to get rid of—but something you need to learn to listen to? In this Extended Edition of Winning the War for Your Heart, Laura Duncan shares what to listen for in Brian  story as he recounts the night panic entered his life and the four words— “It’s as bad as it feels” —that became his first experience with real compassion. Laura returns at the end to go deeper into what it means to process emotional pain instead of pushing it away and how we can begin listening to what our pain is trying to tell us. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

What if emotional healing isn’t about fixing your pain — but discovering who you were created to be? In this episode of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise — author of Above All Else — sits down with Laura Duncan, creator of the Compassion Method and the person who walked Brian through his own healing journey. Together, they explore what happens when we stop trying to fix, suppress, or shame our pain and instead learn to bring compassion, comfort, and connection to what’s happening inside us. Brian shares how emotional healing changed his relationship with himself, his family, his faith, and even the way he sees other people's differences. He opens up about the vulnerability of writing Above All Else, why men and leaders often feel pressure to hide their emotions, and how learning to feel his pain helped him become more connected to his true self. At the heart of the conversation is a powerful question: What if healing isn't the final destination? What if healing is the doorway to becoming fully who you were created to be? 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

Your greatest superpower is learning to be okay when it's not okay all around you. In Episode 6 of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise — author of Above All Else — gives you the most practical tool in the Compassion Method arsenal: the Remote Control Exercise. Brian walks through the exact 5-step process he uses every time a trigger fires, the 3 tender emotions hiding underneath every reaction, and the moment he realized his rice-picking-up reflex was the same pattern running his entire life. If you've ever felt like you can't be okay until your external world is fixed — this is the episode that gives you back your power.  📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

What if even the conditions that feel most hopeless, the ones you've been told no one can help, aren't the end of your story? In this episode of Triggered & True, Laura Duncan and co-host Brian Freise open the mailbag for a wide-ranging round of listener questions, from mental health to matters of faith. It's an honest, compassionate conversation that meets people right where they're stuck and offers real hope without ever over-promising. They begin with a tender one: does the Compassion Method help someone with OCD; the "doubting disease" where hope can feel scarce?  Laura responds with deep empathy and reframes obsessive thinking as a protector, a survival strategy a child built to counter a world that felt too out of control, and explains how bringing in love and unmet needs can help the brain rewire and let those thoughts go.  She extends the same hope to bipolar and other conditions she's encountered across 15 years of clients, always alongside, never in place of, the medical care people need.  Then two faith questions: first, a listener worried that "using God as medicine" meant they shouldn't bring their pain to Him.  Laura clarifies that it's the opposite, that medicating with God meant not actually bringing Him her pain. The second, whether the method is built on universalism, which Laura answers plainly (it isn't), while sharing her belief in Jesus and her wonder at the free will God preserves in us. In this episode:  🔹 Can the Compassion Method help with OCD? Reframing obsessive thinking as a protector the brain can rewire  🔹 Why the same hope extends to bipolar and other conditions — always alongside, never replacing, medical care  🔹 "Using God as medicine," clarified: why it means bringing Him your pain, not staying away from Him  🔹 Is the method based on universalism? Laura answers directly — and on free will and the Garden  🔹 Why separation from God can come through unhealed pain, not just obvious sin Dive deeper with these two great resources! 👇 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book! 📩 Get your free Weekly Dose of Compassion  Two quick notes in your inbox every week. One to speak over yourself. One from Laura: https://www.lauraduncan.com/pl/2148814868

Compassion is what love feels like in the trenches. In Episode 5 of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise — author of Above All Else — exposes the most misunderstood force in the universe. Brian breaks down the difference between pity and compassion, the brutal truth that enablement is not compassion (it's selfishness in disguise), and the Jesus story that wrecked his entire view of what it means to be tender. If you've ever dismissed compassion as soft, weak, or "not for real men" — Episode 5 is your wake-up call. If you've ever felt like love is just a feeling, this is the episode that turns it into a force. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

You're not the horrible person you think you are. In Episode 4 of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise — author of Above All Else — exposes the origins of shame and the prison it builds inside every human heart. Brian walks through the Genesis 3 moment when Adam and Eve's eyes were opened to a story of deficiency God never intended, the cosmic blame game that's been echoing through every family argument since, and the inside-out reframe that broke his own shame cycle: "No one or nothing shames us from the outside. We do it to ourselves." If you've ever felt like your failures define you — this is where you start to untangle who you are from what you do. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

You're not broken. You were never broken. In Episode 3 of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise — author of Above All Else — shares the first words Laura Duncan said to him when he walked into her office asking to be fixed. Brian opens up about the 8-year-old photo exercise that cracked his heart open, the four core deficiencies he discovered in his own childhood, and the orphanage analogy that explains why so many Christians feel stuck despite knowing the truth of their new identity in Christ. If you've ever felt like the Bible's promises don't match your reality — this is where the disconnect starts to make sense. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

Why do we do the stupid things we do? And why, in the moment, does it feel so impossible to stop? In Episode 2 of Winning the War for Your Heart, Brian Freise shares the story of a Starbucks fight that he was afraid would end his marriage—and the surprising conversation with Laura that helped him understand what was really happening beneath his reaction. Brian explores what happens when your primal brain takes over, how to recognize when you're triggered, and why understanding your reactions can change the way you respond. He also shares the “fun sucker” nickname his family had given him, and how that uncomfortable realization helped him discover that he wasn't simply a grumpy person—he was hurting. If you've ever looked back after a reaction and thought, Why did I just do that? this episode will help you understand where that reaction may have come from. 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

Welcome to Winning the War for Your Heart, a special series based on Brian Freise's book, Above All Else. What if your anxiety, panic, or depression isn't something you need to get rid of—but something you actually need to learn to listen to? In Episode 1, Brian tells the story of the night pain invaded his life in a way he could no longer ignore, numb, or outrun. Brian takes us back to November 2018, when panic walked into his life uninvited, the ER visit he was ashamed to make, and the moment four words—"It's as bad as it feels"—became his first brush with real compassion. If you've ever felt broken, behind, or completely out of control, this is where Brian's journey begins. In this episode, you'll discover: Why "I'm going to push through this" can actually keep you from healingHow Brian's "Great Awakening" changed his relationship with emotionThe difference between soul neglect and genuine self-careWhy "Above all else, guard your heart" is about stewardship—not simply protectionWhy emotional pain doesn't heal the same way physical pain doesWhat to do when anxiety shows up in the middle of the night📕 Get the book that started the journey Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book!

What if feeling stuck, like you've slipped backward in your healing, isn't a sign the work has failed, but a sign it's finally you've grown more than you think? In this episode of Triggered & True, Laura Duncan and co-host Brian Friese continue their series on how the Compassion Method brings biblical truths to life, this time turning to perseverance, and what to do when your emotional and spiritual growth feels like it's stalled. Brian talks openly about the very human urge to give up when the process feels slow, when no clear milestone appears to be reached, and when people find it tempting to think, "This just isn't working for me." It's learning to be: with yourself, with others, and with God. Together they unpack why we get the order backward, trying to "do to be" instead of "being to do", and why understanding without application only medicates our pain instead of healing it.  Laura explains why simplicity creates the consistency that actually rewires the heart and brain, and why chasing the next book or the next technique can feel like progress while quietly keeping us stuck. They dive into the freeing truth for anyone ready to walk away: many of us try to escape our pain by cutting off the marriage, the job, or the church.  But drawing on James 1 and Brian's own writing, Laura invites a braver path—turning into the storm within, letting it do its work, and discovering we can often be okay in the very relationships we thought we had to leave.  Like the "wax on, wax off" of the Karate Kid, the unseen work is building the muscle for the "I get it" moment, and the times we most want to give up are usually right before it finally clicks. In this episode:  🔹 Why hitting a plateau—or feeling like you've gone backward—is normal, and often a sign that genuine change is happening  🔹 The myth of "arriving," and the shift from "doing to be" to "being to do"  🔹 What "being" actually looks like day to day—and why understanding without application only medicates the pain  🔹 Why simplicity and consistency, not more information, are what truly rewire the heart and brain  🔹 How to "turn into the storm within you" and persevere—so you rarely have to cut off the relationships, churches, or jobs you thought you had to leave Dive deeper with these two great resources! 👇 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book! 📩 Get your free Weekly Dose of Compassion — two short notes in your inbox every week. One to speak over yourself. One from Laura: https://www.lauraduncan.com/pl/2148814868

What if the reason prayer feels so difficult has less to do with your faith—and more to do with the wounds you've carried since childhood? In this episode of Triggered & True, Laura Duncan and co-host Brian Friese continue their series on how the Compassion Method brings biblical truths to life by exploring prayer, forgiveness, loving your enemies, and other commands that often feel impossible to live out. Brian vulnerably shares a childhood memory that helped him understand why prayer had always felt like talking into the void. Although he believed God loved him, he struggled to believe God truly cared to hear him.  Laura helps trace that struggle back to a past experience of not feeling heard, revealing how our relationships with earthly caregivers often shape the way we experience our relationship with God. Together, they unpack a freeing truth: many of the hardest commands in Scripture become natural—not through trying harder—but through healing the places in our hearts that keep us from experiencing God's love.  When our wounds receive compassion, obedience becomes the fruit of relationship instead of the burden of performance. In this episode: 🔹 Brian's personal story of why prayer felt so difficult—and the childhood wound that helped explain it 🔹 How early experiences with parents and caregivers can shape the way we relate to God 🔹 Why biblical commands like prayer, forgiveness, and loving your enemies become possible through healing rather than willpower 🔹 The difference between behavior management and allowing God to transform your heart from the inside out 🔹 How the Compassion Method helps remove the barriers that keep you from experiencing a deeper relationship with God and others Dive deeper with these two great resources! 👇 📕 Get your copy of  Brian's book Above All Else: Winning the War for Your Heart Click here to get the book! 📩 Get your free Weekly Dose of Compassion — two short notes in your inbox every week. One to speak over yourself. One from Laura: https://www.lauraduncan.com/pl/2148814868