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Who is Jesus? And, what does He mean to you?

Good morning, Five Minute Families. How are you doing today? Do you have running water? Indoor plumbing? A roof over your head? A meal today? 23 out of every 10,000 Americans have experienced homelessness, and over 11% of Americans are living below the poverty level. What do we do if we find our family is experiencing a financial crisis? In 2 Kings, we read about a widow whose children would be taken into slavery in order to pay the family’s debts. This was standard practice back then. But, what family would ever want to be broken up simply for trying to live? Obviously, that is not standard practice today, but finding ourselves in tough financial times can happen to any family. So, let’s discuss five steps we need to take based on 2 Kings 4:1-7 (paraphrased slightly for time’s sake) [The widow] cried out to Elisha, “My God-fearing husband has died. Now, the creditor is coming to take my two children as his slaves.” Elisha asked her, “What can I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” She said, “Your servant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.” Then he said, “Go out and borrow empty containers from all your neighbors. Do not get just a few. Then go in and shut the door behind you and your sons, and pour oil into all these containers. Set the full ones to one side.” So she left. After she had shut the door behind her and her sons, they kept bringing her containers, and she kept pouring. When they were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another container.” But he replied, “There aren’t any more.” Then the oil stopped. She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go sell the oil and pay your debt; you and your sons can live on the rest.” So, what can we learn from this story? First, appeal to God. The widow appealed to God’s prophet Elisha, but we have the privilege of going directly to our heavenly Father. Bring your prayers and outpouring of fear, concerns, and frustrations to the Lord. He can handle hearing all of it, even if it is from a situation you or someone in your family created. Second, be willing to use what you already have. Sometimes, God drops manna from heaven because He knows we have no resources. And, other times, He will expect us to be aware of our current blessings and abilities, so mark them all down. Leave nothing out. Maybe you are great at cleaning the house as a family. Ask your church if they need extra hands for the cleaning crew. If your church can’t pay, maybe then your kids can attend camp at no cost. You get the idea. Third, humble yourselves. Specifically, realize that you may need to ask for help. The widow and her sons asked all their neighbors for their vessels. By asking, they had to admit to these people that they were in need. While we may want to keep our financials in the dark, the reality is that if we are going to trust God, sometimes, we have to open our lives up to others’ awareness. Fourth, wherever the Lord leads your family to work, barter, or get help, put your full effort into it – in front of and behind the scenes. The widow and her sons were the only ones who knew what was happening behind the scenes. And, that is ok. In fact, it is good. We don’t need to always live in a spotlight. We want God to be the one to get the glory, not ourselves. Fifth, expect that God will do more than you expected. The oil kept pouring, so the widow asked for another vessel. And, she didn’t know what the oil filling was for. She did each step without knowing what the full detailed outcome would be but she trusted in the Lord, nonetheless. Not only did God’s provision cover debt, it gave this family the opportunity to stay together and have something to live on. If these five steps don’t apply to you because you are not a family in need at this time, pay attention for signs that someone around you might be in need. Be approachable. Don’t just try to throw money at the problem. Maybe mom or dad needs help writing a quality resume. Maybe they need a cooked meal delivered with all the fixin’s and drinks, big enough for leftovers, to ease a bit of the scheduling burden and give them a bit of breathing room. Listen and try to point out their talents and what they do have while praying for God to move. Being in a tough financial spot as a family can be challenging, but if you stand together, work together, and pray together, God can and will see you through it. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever thought about what you are going to do when you just don’t want to do anything anymore? Now, we are not talking about wanting your life to end. If you are having those thoughts, please seek help immediately. We are talking here about when you just don’t feel like doing the stuff you know you have to do. You stop liking the direction of your work, the direction of your home life, or the direction of your church, so instead of continuing to work toward something good and positive in those areas, you would rather just leave – find a new job, find a new love, or find a new church. Again, let us define what we are not talking about today. We are not talking about needing a new job to make ends meet or leaving a toxic work environment; we are not talking about leaving an abusive family member for your protection and the protection of your loved ones, and we are not talking about leaving an unbiblical gathering of people that calls itself a church. We are talking about you – those of you who fit the following description - your work environment is healthy, your family is ok, and your church stands on biblical principles. You – you don’t want to engage in these or other relational areas of your life, and it isn’t because you are depressed. You are bored. You might not think you are bored, but the “every day” of your routine, the knowing how a family member will respond before you even see them, the constant tradition of church and church events… all of those put your mind on automatic pilot and can become tiresome. You want something new, something different. Think about that for a minute. As you desire “something new,” it means that you no longer have the same interest in the “something old.” Leaving some or all of your relationships simply over boredom seems extreme, yet if more people were more self-aware, they would see that is exactly what they have done or are contemplating doing. Hopefully, you are not in the “have done it” category, but you might be in the “contemplating it” category or the “I hadn’t even realized I was going down this road” category. So, start with putting your devices down! Phones and other electronic devices offer up new images every second. The authors of one journal analysis stated that “digital media increases boredom through dividing attention, elevating desired level of engagement, reducing sense of meaning, heightening opportunity costs, and serving as an ineffective boredom coping strategy.” And, the reality is that most of us have made idols of our digital media devices. We need to meditate on Psalm 135:15-18 “The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see; they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them.” Do the next thing you need to do, no matter how you feel about it. Sometimes, we need to do what we need to do without the emotions. Feelings of happiness are not a promise. However, joy is a promise when we work with the Holy Spirit. It is a choice and a skill, not a feeling. Part of practicing the skill of joy is taking our thoughts captive and choosing to avoid complaining, and that includes internal complaining even if we have our external complaining under control. God tells us in Philippians 2:14 “Do all things without complaining or arguments” for good reason. And, speaking of good, are you looking for the good things that happened today? Practice gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Take time to write out the good things that are happening every single day. Our fourth tip today is to get outside. There are numerous studies showing that getting into nature can help reduce feelings of isolation, promote calm, and lift your mood. One recent study of 20,000 participants revealed that you must spend at least two hours per week in green spaces to report better psychological health. Sit outside to drink your midmorning coffee at work, go for a walk with loved ones after dinner, and plan a church fellowship at the local park. And, finally, do try something new… something new that grows with all the relationships you have in your life right now. Maybe ask work if you can head up a different project or go to a course to expand your knowledge. Ask your loved ones to change up what parts of the daily routine that you can. Try a different Sunday school class or start a Bible study at home. Proverbs 21:5 encourages us to plan and be diligent - “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” Remember five-minute families, don’t throw away your lives looking for the easiest path for change – such as those devices. Look for ways to enrich your life and the lives of your loved ones by dropping the boredom and building strong, exciting memories together. Be blessed!

Good morning, five minute families. How often do we hide our emotions as adults, ignore them, and never acknowledge their roots? How often do we try to get our kids to only show their happiness? We have discussed emotions before on the Five Minute Family at the end of 2023 and beginning of 2024. In those past five minute family devotions, we discussed emotions that are shown in the Bible as well as how to demonstrate our emotions in a positive way. Please check those out if you want even more information on how to handle emotions in your five-minute family household. Previously, we mentioned how feelings should not be our guides. Specifically, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.” Along those lines, I recently heard the quote, “All emotion is information.” So, today, we want to dive deeper into how an individual needs to evaluate his or her own emotions as information and how parents can help children learn this skill. Evaluating our emotions and gleaning the information they are telling us are important steps to having healthy family relationships. If you have any social media account or watch any screen today, you know that there is so much self-care, self-help, trauma-informed, information floating around out there. Some of it is good and helpful, but some of it leads us into so much focus on self that we literally make ourselves our own god. We are not encouraging you to be so self-focused that you idolize self. Remember, James 4:10, Matthew 23:12, and other verses encourage us to humble ourselves. That means we have to focus our “emotion as information” search on, ultimately, how this helps us grow closer to the Lord. If you or someone in your family needs to do a deep dive into the reasons behind their emotions, here are five ways to get started on building a strong emotional self-control: Use an emotions wheel. There are numerous ones out there, but sometimes simply saying, “I’m angry” doesn’t really convey the depth of the emotion or the impact it is having on us and our family. An emotions wheel or chart will give you a way to better pinpoint what your emotion is and what it is telling you. Identify negative patterns. You can do this through charting. Write down what negative behaviors you or your loved one exhibited. Include then the emotions that you or they can identify came before the behavior as well as the situation you were in. If you or your child aren’t able to follow the patterns yourself, help one another. Parents, we somewhat naturally notice patterns in our children’s behavior, but if we cannot see the patterns in our own, we must ask someone else to keep the chart for us (and we have to be open to honesty). Journal. I know, I know. A lot of people say, but I’m not a writer. Well, ok, then. Be like David and play an instrument, see what different chords you play more often in certain emotional states. If you don’t write or play music, then listen to others’ music. Write down what music makes you feel better and what music causes negative reactions to unfold. Also in the line of journaling, without worrying about making complete sense to someone else, write down single words or phrases that seem to come to your mind often. Watch others. People watching is more than just a pastime. It is helpful to evaluate emotions that you watch others go through. Of course, it is a bonus if you can have a thoughtful conversation and see if your ideas were correct. In the home, this means that we parents cannot assume what our children’s tones or facial expressions mean. Share what you think or how you interpret them, but then let your child give you feedback on whether you are correct. You could even use the emotional wheel for clarification. And, last on our list for today… Seek support. Speak with your pastor, mentor, coach, a trusted friend, or possibly even a medical professional. If you feel as if your emotions are out of control, or that you are angry all the time, you may need someone to help you sort through all those emotions and thoughts. We become better able to take our negative thoughts captive when we properly evaluate the emotions that precede those negative thoughts. The Holy Spirit gives us guidance. Read God’s word daily, and pray continually, especially if someone in your home is having emotional control issues. An angry parent is scary to children and an out-of-control teenager can cause harm to the household needs. So, parents, remember to demonstrate the emotional control process for your children. It is a skill set that is learned. As always, we are thankful that you joined us today. Clear View Retreat is a nonprofit organization that exists to draw families closer together, so check out our website at clearviewretreat.org and let us know how we can support your family or community. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Have you ever ignored a family member? Now, be honest. You know you have. We all have. When we’re angry. When we’re distracted. When we’re tired. But, to what cost? When your child runs up to hug you and you keep typing out a text or when your spouse points out a beautiful bird outside the window and you keep watching your show, what impact do you think you are having on your family? Our loved ones reach out in myriad ways throughout the day. Dr. John Gottman found that in marriages where spouses only responded to those attempts to connect about one third of the time, the couple was less happy than in marriages where spouses responded to each other nine out of ten times. This makes me think of how in the Psalm 13 opens with the statement “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” And later in the same psalm, “But I have trusted in your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” Those same feelings can accompany being ignored, but remember we are all human and are not perfect and we can trust in the goodness of God and try to be the nine out of ten times responder. Currently, I am going through some medical stuff. I keep talking to and showing Jim my concerns. He looks every time and gives me a sympathetic response. He can’t fix it, and there really isn’t much he can do to help, but he acknowledges my pain and discomfort and still periodically asks if there is anything he can do for me. It means the world to me that he acknowledges what I am going through. Five points to remember when you are working to make sure you are responding well - or getting better about responding… Even when you “aren’t feelin’ it,” you need to respond positively to your loved ones, or, well, maybe that should be ESPECIALLY when you aren’t feelin’ it. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is an action. God’s word describes love as an action word because it is bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Spend some time this week with your family reading and memorizing 1 Corinthians 13. When you meditate on God’s ACTIONS of love, you will find that it will become easier and easier to respond in love, no matter what you are feeling in the moment. Plan screen-free or device-free times in your family. We are all too distracted to-day. Train your brain away from the dopamine response of the devices and instead get the “feel good” hormone of dopamine by making time to eat together and exercise together. Go for a walk, turn on the music and dance. You get the idea. The flip side of device-free time would be to use your devices as tools for connection. Set reminders, share memes, text one another, video chat, and of course call. Folks have the possibility of being more connected than ever, if we would simply use the tools we have wisely. If you didn’t hug back or respond in real time, seek out your child or spouse, and ask for a do-over. Apologize if needed and then hug. Research shows that a 20 second hug can help to decrease the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, increase the levels of the “feeling connected” hormone oxytocin levels, and to facilitate bonding between partners. One study shows that the length of our hugs matters more than the number of hugs, though, truthfully, with teenagers, you may need to keep your hugs short if you have a teen who is struggling with hugging for a time. God is all about connection. Just think about Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” As well as John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him pro-duces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.” God is our model of intentional intimacy. Seek Him and He will guide your attempts at connection. No matter where you are on the “responding to one another” spectrum, remember that we can all stand to improve while walking this earthly life. God transforms hearts, and transformed hearts can learn to communicate more effectively and love more deeply than they ever thought possible. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. What does your family expect from one another? Do you parents expect perfect obedience? Do you kids expect to get what you want when you want it? Does your family expect that everyone will make mistakes but that you will be responded to with God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness, or do you expect the silent treatment and withholding of love and affection when you do wrong or even when you do right? Our expectations dictate our contentment with our circumstances. Back in serf and lord days, serf uprisings were actually not a common occurrence. When they did happen, the quality of life expectations of the poor serfs' changed. When the little l lord didn't meet the change in expectations, an uprising would occur. Our history-buff son shared with us that this is a concept of relative poverty. Basically, if you expect a certain lifestyle and you have what you expect, you don't feel poor… Or neglected or misunderstood. Is there a member of your family with unmet expectations? Someone who is feeling poor despite the wealth of love or met needs surrounding them. For example, a child who believes he or she should have a cell phone. That kiddo will often be combative and disrespectful despite the conversations you have had with them a million times about why they don't have one yet. Unmet expectations Five important points to remember about knowing your and your family members' expectations are: First, meditate on Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." In other words, God already knows our expectations. Are we willing to admit them to ourselves? To our family? Are we willing to take our expectations to God and allow Him to adjust them properly? Second, Proverbs 10:28 reminds us that "The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." Are we as a family expecting good and godly things from one another, or are we wanting to pretend Robin Hood's stealing was fully justified because he gave to the poor? That we as a family can behave badly when our expectations are left unmet and then explain them away because another family member also behaved badly. It is a cycle we have to choose to stop. Third, as a five minute family, meaning we are a family running after God, we must commit to knowing God's expectations of us. In Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" How many of us expect to be able to "get back" at the person who wronged us - or wronged our kid. How many of us are unkind... especially when we're driving? How many of us are such huge "sport fans" that we act like idiots when our kids are playing, no humility and no self-control? Fourth, 2 Corinthians 9:8 states, "and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." If we expect to have better jobs, better homes, better cars, etc, we need to reevaluate what we are focused on. We need to hold to the sufficiency of God, trusting Him to provide our needs. And fifth, let's turn to Acts 3. In verse 5 we learn that the lame man was expecting some-thing from Peter and those with him, "And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them." The lame man was expecting something. He expected a hand-out, a few coins to help him be able to eat. But, Acts 3:6 tells us that Peter responded, “I don’t have silver or gold, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!” Peter gave what he had! The lame man got so much more than what he expected. What about your family? Have you ever chosen to lavish them with the best you have to offer despite their only asking for a lollipop? Family member's expectations impact the family unit and, ultimately, the family identity. Make sure your family is keeping the lines of communication open. As we have discussed before unexpressed expectations can lead to alot of unnecessary hurts, so be willing to listen without judgment and go back into God's word for evaluation and possible adjustment to your expectations. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. As we travelled to visit family, Kim and I were listening to a business leadership audio book titled Radical Candor, and while we don’t fully endorse everything in this book, we realized that the concept closely aligns with the key concept we teach here at Clear View Retreat – the concept of intentional intimacy. We want to spend some time today and, perhaps, more in some future weeks as well, exploring the idea of radical candor within the family context and our key concept of intentional intimacy. Kim Scott states that “Radical Candor® is what happens when you show someone that you [c]are [p]ersonally while you [c]hallenge [d]irectly, without being aggressive or insincere.” When Scott plots her two key ideas – care personally as the y-axis and challenge directly as the x-axis – into four quadrants, she has ‘ruinous empathy’ for high caring and low challenging which becomes unspecific praise and sugar-coated criticism. In low caring and low challenging quadrant, ‘manipulative insincerity’ manifests as insincere praise and harsh criticism. In the high challenge and low care quadrant, you find ‘obnoxious aggression’ which comes out as insincere praise and unkind criticism. And, again, in the high caring personally and high challenging directly quadrant you find Scott’s concept of ‘radical candor’ which is sincere praise with direct and kind criticism. *whew* Using four quadrants to – somewhat – succinctly explain the basic interaction of two concepts is an age-old visual aid. In our research we found Robert Turner using it to ex-plain discipleship as well as Dimitri Glazkov further developing his fallback theory within Scott’s ‘radical candor.’ While there are numerous enlightening four-quadrant graphics to learn from, we are going to discuss intentional intimacy primarily from Kim Scott’s radical candor illustrative quadrants that we just described and a little from Dr. Robert Kellemen’s style of parenting graphic in Gospel Centered Family Counseling (a grace-focused parenting family living and counseling theory). Radical candor can be applied to families, but let’s also review CVR’s intentional intimacy concept before we merge the two. We define intentional intimacy as “the passion and desire to pursue being known and to know another deeply for the glory of God.” Every relationship we have can benefit from a mindset of intentional intimacy, even random meetings in life. Unfortunately, many people prefer to get good at interactions with strangers and acquaintances but neglect their own family, and we want that to change dramatically for families. If we get into the practice of desiring to know others for the glory of God, we must choose to also express radical candor in caring for and challenging one another. In the numerous “one-anothering” verses we have shared with you all through the years, the elements of caring for one another and challenging one another are already there. Radical candor is required to live out those verses. John 13:34-35, John 15:12-13, Luke 10:25-37, and Romans 13:8-10 are just four of the sets of verses that admonish us to “Love one another.” And, of course, we cannot forget the second commandment of Jesus’s – love your neighbor. In Ephesians 4:11-16 we are reminded to equip one another through speaking the truth in love. Colossians 3:15-17 continues to point out that we are to teach and admonish one another with all wisdom – God’s wisdom. And, Romans 15:14 rounds out our reminders of one anothering for today when it tells us to instruct one another. One-anothering behaviors are essential to living a life of intentional intimacy, and the two pillars of intentional intimacy we teach in our family camps are family discipleship and biblical community. Family should be our first ministry. Family is also the primary mission field we will encounter as parents; thus, family is the first biblical community we are to interact with. The only thing that makes a community truly biblical is to stand on God’s truth. Likewise, family discipleship is the ultimate show of love within the context of family. God’s truth and God’s love are the most basic summaries of biblical community and family discipleship, again those two pillars of intentional intimacy. So, if we plot God’s love and God’s truth for our y- and x-axes for intentional intimacy, we can see how much the concepts line up with radical candor. Please join us next week as we continue this discussion of intentional intimacy and radical candor. We’ll get into some examples of radical candor in the business world and examples of intentional intimacy in the family. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. We talk a lot here at Clear View Retreat about family identity. Now, obviously, there's been a lot of research into what is ‘identity’ and the word has been hijacked in so many ways. However, we really need to understand what family identity is, how our family identity impacts our individual identities, and what God has to say about His transformative power in relationship to our family and individual identities. I was reading an article recently, actually, I think it was a Facebook post. And in it the woman stated, "I had small children and could feel pieces of my former identity slipping away." I remembered a moment when Jim and I first got married and my saying to him, “I went from being primarily a daughter, aunt, and teacher to being a wife, mother, and jobless in six weeks’ time." One could say I was having a bit of an identity crisis. But the reality is that, when a new family is formed through marriage, we have the opportunity to be intentional about what type of identity our family will develop. We have to choose to think about some of the bigger questions. First, take time to discuss “What is our family's purpose?” Psalm 96:3 reads "Declare his glory among the nations. His wondrous works among all people." A Christian, five-minute family must have as its primary purpose bringing glory to God. Now, what other purposes God has for a unique family will vary greatly, but you still must intentionally discuss and pray about what your family purpose is. Second, evaluate what individual talents and weaknesses your family needs to ac-count for. Think for a while on Joshua 1:9, "Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." We are to be strong in the Lord, in the unique gifts and talents He gives us, and we need to acknowledge and rightly deal with any of our weaknesses. Third, ask yourselves “How do we serve God and others?” Just as we are each given different gifts and talents, each family will serve in God’s kingdom in different ways. Some of you are musical; some of you build things. Some families will be full-time homeland or international missionaries while other families will serve those they work with in a regular 9-5 type job. Keep in mind Joshua 24:15, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Fourth, for the parents, consider, “What do we want our children to think or feel when they reflect back on their childhood and adolescence?” Proverbs 10:7 re-minds us that "The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot." And Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." We must make sure that our children’s home life focuses on the righteousness and goodness of God above all else. If we sink into only experiences or material possessions, we have lost sight of the most important thing we are to instill in them, as Deut. 6:4-8 reminds us, “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.” Fifth, contemplate the question, “What do we not give up on?” Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” We are NOT to give up on love, on family, on God’s desire for us to share with everyone about His saving grace. If you need to rest, rest. If you need to change course, change course. If you need to ask for forgiveness and work to mend relationships, do so. Never forget that it is never too late to do the right thing while you draw breath on this earth. God wants your family to be intentional in your family identity formation. He wants you to experience the abundant love He has for your family. Be blessed!

Good morning, five minute families. We all face devastation at some point in our lives. It can be the death of someone we love; it can be the loss of a job; devastation can come in the form of a natural disaster and in so many other ways. What should we do when we or someone in our family faces a season of devastation? Before we discuss five ideas for helping one another, please remember that not everyone in the family faces the level of devastation from the same event. Of course, sometimes, the devastating event only happened to one member of the family, but as we work together as a unit, we are each impacted by those things that impact another. Sometimes, when devastation is an individual event, the individual thinks they must get through the following consequences and emotions on their own. Others may think their family is re-sponsible to help them in an almost entitled way. We must recognize the differences of impact while not isolating ourselves or our loved one in the process. When our fifth son died, our whole family experienced the same event, and yet, Jedidiah’s death impacted each of us quite differently. One son was going through a time of bullying, but he didn’t want to burden us with his concerns because of the pain he could see etched on our faces. He didn’t resent his baby brother, but he was struggling because he knew that his baby brother’s death had forever changed our family dynamic and thus our family identity. One son had been in the room when we received Jedi’s ashes. He be-came angry and acted out but couldn’t communicate why. Our youngest son lost not just a sibling but the opportunity to become a big brother; he was so looking forward to becoming more like his own big brothers in that way. Jim dove even more deeply into God’s Word. He had already not missed a day of Bible reading in I don’t know how long, but he become protective of his time with God. I couldn’t. I wanted to be calm and kind to our living children, but everything upset me. I didn’t know why God would allow such devastation into our lives, so when I did try to read His word or praise Him in worship, it usually ended in extreme anger. I found that I couldn’t even pray. My last prayer before Jedidiah died was that the Lord would take Him so that he wouldn’t suffer anymore. His very next apnea episode was his last. He died in my arms, the fear radiating from his eyes into my soul. Five of the takeaways we learned from that season of mourning and grieving were: First, acknowledge your own and others’ emotions. Hiding them away won’t help and pretending that you feel what someone else does because you think that is what they need won’t help either. Remember, anger is usually about something deeper. And, a lack of tears does not mean someone isn’t hurting. Share honestly and listen nonjudgmental-ly. Take care of yourself when you can. When you have the energy or ability to take steps forward in physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being, do so. Even baby steps will help you face each new day. Let others take care of you when you can’t. As we mentioned in our shared story, some-times a loved one is in a place of loathing or depression or something else that does not allow them to do what they ought. In some cases, take a plate of food for them if your loved one isn’t eating. Don’t admonish them if they only take one bite. Keep bringing the food. And, for those of you not caring for yourself, take a bite. If you can’t do more, just take the first bite. Try not to make other major life changes that are not absolutely necessary at this time. A family we knew wanted to sell their house where their daughter died immediately after her death. Everyone recommended they wait one year. The mom told me she wouldn’t change her mind. They still live in that home. The memories that she thought would drive her crazy have become sweet reminders of love and joy. Be patient with one another. It can be hard if one member of the family handles a devastating event better than another. Jim didn’t judge my lack of drawing closer to God or not crying out to Him about this sinful fallen world. He prayed for me; he asked our friends to pray for me. He asked our kids to pray for me. He patiently waited until the Holy Spirit could reach the walled off parts of my heart and mind. Five minute families, hold tight to Psalm 34:18 in periods of devastation: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” And remember Revelation 21:4, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Thank you for listening. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is good to be with you today. How are you and your family doing? Are you intentional in how you treat one another? Are WHO and WHOSE you are still abundantly clear in your home? As a family, we must remember fundamental truths about WHO we are in Christ. We are created in the image of God. After we have made a profession of faith, we are valuable to God as His children and as His friends. We are born of the spirit, eternally secure in God’s love. We are abiding branches in God’s tree of life, given His peace and reconciled unto Him. We will never be condemned. We are God’s heirs adopted into His forever family, chosen by grace and called into intimate fellowship with Him. Do you treat one another this way? Also as a family, we must keep at the forefront of our minds WHOSE we are. We must never forget that God is sovereign, righteous, just, and merciful. He is personal; he knows the number of hairs on our heads. He is all-powerful and omnipresent. He never changes and thus is holy, faithful, merciful, and loving, no matter what we do. If your family has lost sight of WHO and WHOSE you are, then we suggest these five steps to draw closer to God and to one another. Start small. Just like needing to lose weight, a person who goes on a crash diet might achieve some weight loss, but they will likely gain it all back again and quite possibly more. Those people who succeed in losing weight and keeping it off make dietary lifestyle changes that are sustainable and long-lasting. Loving God is the truest, longest-lasting lifestyle change. However, if you make a long crazy list of all the spiritual disciplines and try to change everything at once, you may give up a short time in. But, if you pray about the spiritual disciplines, choose one, and become diligent about implementing that change, you can then layer on more and more god-honoring habits as time progresses, building your family up. Meditate on Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” As in all goal setting, write down your plan for change. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 brings this encouragement, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” Third, each family member must choose to support one another. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training up a child is not about teaching them the family business or the skill that mom or dad wishes they had been taught. Genuine support for one another is about spending time together, getting to know one another’s uniqueness, and following God’s guidance into the unique areas each of you have been equipped for. Fourth, get a mentor or mentor family. Apply 1 Timothy 4:7-8, “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” Prayerfully, learn to live life together, learning and growing and holding one another accountability. Don’t fall into the sinful trap of feeling envious or inadequate when around other god-fearing families. Each family has its own challenges. Build one another up and turn to God and God alone for the source of your strength. And, last, extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness liberally. Remember that Christ died for ALL of our sins; the ones we committed before knowing Him AND the ones we commit after knowing Him. But, if God, in His holy glory, continues to apply His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, then we must follow His lead and understand that our children and our spouses and we ourselves will sin again, and we can find reconciliation. Getting Ephesians 4:22-24 right takes time. Walking like Christ means “To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Five minute families, thank you for joining us today. Draw closer to one another and draw closer to God, five minutes at a time. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. We hope you are having an excellent week. Have you ever evaluated how your family handles mistakes and the cost of correction? How you correct one another matters to the heart of your children and spouse as well as to the family identity you are intentionally creating. A simple example is when our toddlers are learning to speak. Sometimes, we correct the pronunciation. But, there are times when their mispronunciations will become part of the family fabric. Grandparent names often come from these. We had a friend who corrected every single mispronunciation of not only her own children but every child she interacted with. Once, when I used a mispronunciation our children used often, she admonished me. It was odd, honestly. Baby babble and toddler speak are not wrong. It’s learning. There are times when correcting their words is necessary, but there are times when simply saying them correctly ourselves when we speak will be enough. My friend’s staunch and almost fierce response about toddler speak was quite off-putting. I was afraid to make an error in front of her; I cannot imagine how her children felt. Of course, if our spouse or child is saying something that is a lie or that is inaccurate to the meaning of the situation, then correction is necessary. We cannot forget the many verses like Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Correction can be a good and right thing. So, let’s explore how a five-minute family can correct one another biblically and lovingly. First, each of us must do some self-examination. I have seen spouses who loved one another and the Lord, and yet, when one constantly corrects the other one, even jokingly, it begins to wear on the partner, and their relationship. In one marriage, we saw the highly intelligent husband “find the words” faster than his wife, correct her pronunciation even when it was obvious what she meant, or even snidely laugh at her when she was wrong. She was an intelligent woman, capable of many good and wonderful things, but to see her with her husband, she was much more timid and constantly concerned about making a mistake around him. Make sure the needs and purpose of the correction are being rightly evaluated and not for selfish gain. Second, we need to identify what we will correct and what we will not be correcting. Correction is important, but, parents must also remember Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 both of which remind us not to provoke our children to anger. If our children feel that they can never live up to our standards, they will become resentful and discouraged. The cost of unnecessary corrections can weigh heavy on our children. One of our sons was constantly behaving in a negative way toward one of his brothers. It got to where I corrected him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. they interacted. I was exhausted. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t listen. I didn’t look into the heart of the matter and ultimately I provoked him to anger. I had to ask for forgiveness and build back the relationship while intentionally looking for the good things to praise. Third, we must choose the right timing. If you need to correct the person, do you do it right then or wait for another time? Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” We know that God has perfect timing, so we need to be prayerful before correcting a loved one. Let God lead you in each individual situation. Our fourth point goes along with the third. We must remember the saying, “Correct in private, praise in public.” Of course, as parents, we know that that is not always possible, but when we are evaluating whether to correct something our child or spouse has said, remember that the people near them in the situation will influence their perception of our intent, so whenever possible try to keep times of correcting for private conversations. And, fifth, never leave out the discussion of “what now?” What will be the way forward? We know from Proverbs 15:32 that “[w]hoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.” We cannot control our child’s or spouse’s response to a moment of correction, but we can make sure to spend quality time discussing it lovingly and praying over the future application of the correction. Meditate on Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” There is always a cost to correction. The cost for good, loving, and proper correction leads to wise, well-rounded, kind, and righteous living, but the cost for bad correction is one of disunity and distrust. Pray about the heart of the correction in your home. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. It is great to be with you today. We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. This ministry hosts family camps, marriage retreats, grief retreats, and more in beautiful East Tennessee. Please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. On these five-minute family moments, we want to bring God’s encouraging word into real life application for families. Let us know your thoughts, or a topic you’d like us to explore. Today, let’s explore 2 Timothy 1:7. The CSB reads, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” And the NASB states it this way, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” We are not to allow a spirit of fear to pervade our lives and become what we hear, how we interpret, and how we respond to the world. A spirit of fear says the world is so scary and so many bad things could happen that we have to cling to the blanket of control we think we have, controlling our actions and our thoughts. The spirit of fear keeps us focused on worry, concern, the things we lack, the people who have hurt us or let us down, and more. I have lived in Tennessee most of my life. Once when I was in Alaska, I went cold camping in below freezing temps. Now at that point, I had never even owned true cold weather clothing designed to hold body heat in. In fact, in this recent snow-storm, someone shared a picture of socks as gloves for playing in the snow. That's how I grew up, socks as gloves and plastic bags wrapped around my feet. It was cold and fun until it was cold and miserable! So, when I went camping, my friends loaned me a pair of thermals and a subzero sleeping bag along with other necessary items. They told me, when you get inside your one-person tent, take off everything except the thermals, and get into the sleeping bag with nothing else on and you'll be warm. I didn't believe them. I left some of my extra layers on, especially my socks. I awoke at 2am freezing and miserable. The friend in the tent be-side me asked, “Did you do what we told you to do?” You see, I wasn't using the subzero sleeping bag the way it was designed because I didn't understand. I was afraid of being cold and miserable because I didn't trust the power of the fabrics that had been shared with me. Like Kim not trusting in the power of the fabrics, when we give in to fear, we are not trusting the power God has given us. God sent the Holy Spirit to live within us believers. The spirit of God brings us power. And, believers need to understand the Holy Spirit. We encourage you to do a deeper dive, but here are five scriptures to meditate on: Romans 8:26 - Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kind-ness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control Acts 1:8 - But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you 2 Corinthians 3:17 - Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Isaiah 11:2 - And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. The spirit of God brings us love. God's love knows no bounds. God is with His people. He loves us. We are to love others, AND we are to love ourselves. Continually holding onto fear isn't loving. Those of us who have experienced a spirit of fear would never want that for any of our family members or friends. The spirit of God brings discipline. When we are disciplined, not led by our changing emotions, then we can make sound and rational judgment calls. There may be times when we listen to the Holy Spirit and we do not do something because it wouldn't be good for us or for those around us, but that is not anywhere along the same lines as being afraid of failure and not moving forward. To enrich our lives with God's power, love, and discipline, we must start and stay in Scripture. We need to surround ourselves with other believers, we need to read or listen to His word daily. Bible study and prayer are musts to conquer the spirit of fear. And, we have to believe God's word. You've heard us speak often about getting to the root of our own false beliefs so that God's truth can overtake and replace that lies that we tell ourselves. A spirit of fear can become comfortable and might even keep you somewhat falsely warm as you move around and stay distracted, but what happens at 2am when the false warmth of fear can no longer actually keep you warm? Trust God's spirit of power, love, and discipline. He will guide you through the sin-ful, fallen world. No matter what happens around you, there is abundant living and His heavenly eternity awaits you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Tying back to our last 2023 devotion about demonstrating emotions, today we want to explore the Bible verses surrounding the appropriateness of emotions themselves. I watched a reel that demonstrated someone coming to their spouse and sharing that the spouse’s behavior had made them feel badly. The spouse immediately got defensive and said that they weren’t mean. To skip to the summary, the spouse felt if they agreed with their significant other’s feelings, then the spouse would be admitting they were wrong. But, feelings about a situation are not right or wrong. As Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org writes, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.” Jesus had feelings. He wept, which indicates he felt sadness and loss. We know he was distressed in Mark 14. He felt and had compassion for those around him. He got frustrated when he was at the temple, and we know he felt tempted but, of course, never sinned. If Jesus had feelings, we do not have to adopt an attitude of stoicism to be a good Christian. Thankfully, we know that God created emotions and emotions themselves are neither bad nor good. It is what we do with our emotions that matter. Remember, like we said in our past devotion, it is ok to have big emotions, but it is what we do with those emotions that matters most. As Christ-followers, we can be emotional beings, not the negative connotation of emotional, but the willingness to allow ourselves and others to feel, acknowledge, accept, and process their emotions. When someone we love dies, even after a long and painful season, we can be sad, we can weep, we can allow ourselves to feel the levels of loss that that person’s death will bring to our lives. Sometimes, our bodies will go through a period of change, of depression, of chemical imbalances. There is a time for everything, including the emotions that seem undesirable. It is through the undesirable emotions of loss, frustration, grief, and more that we learn about our loved ones - both those who are left behind and those who have died. It is through undesirable emotions that we often learn more about ourselves - what motivates us, what triggers us, what causes us to get up and get moving each morning. You get the idea. So, let’s talk about five more emotions addressed in the Bible. First, delight. In Psalm 37:4, we read, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Delight. We are allowed to feel pleasure, to feel good about our lives, our families. That delight must begin with the Lord. Second, affection. Romans 12:10 tells us to “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” We can enjoy being with someone - a husband, a friend, a church family member. We can feel fondly for one another and enjoy being together. Third, fear. Remember, nowhere in the Bible do we read that Jesus felt fear. And, God’s word tells us, according to some, 365 times not to fear. If God’s word addresses fear that many times, then we know that we are going to experience it, but let’s take those fearful thoughts captive, and turn the spirit of fear on its head as Luke 12:4-5 encourages us to do, “I say to you, my friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the one to fear: Fear him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the one to fear!” Fourth, anger. So many Christians think if they get angry, they are sinning. Jesus got angry, yet He did not sin. As Psalm 37:8 points out, “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.” I think Ephesians 4:26 says it a little better, “Be angry and do not sin.” And, fifth, joy. We know Jesus felt joy. In John 15, He tells us to abide in the Father so that His joy will be in us and our joy will be made full. We also know from Psalm 5:11 that when we take refuge in God, we will shout for joy forever. Feel your feelings; do not suppress them. Evaluate your particular emotion’s usefulness in the moment. Will expressing it in an impulsive way achieve the goal you desire? When our niece told us they were expecting, I shouted with joy. I never thought I’d be the person to do so - we’ve all seen the videos, but that was an emotional response worth sharing. Yet, maybe the frustration with your child for not understanding how to complete a task despite hearing you explain it ten times and showing them twice as many - yeah, maybe that frustrated response would be better kept under your self-control and a well-thought out response would be better. Love big, laugh out loud, and enjoy one another as God intends. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. Most of us who were raised in the church have heard at some point, “Don’t run or play in the sanctuary.” We get to know the sanctuary as a room in the church building. But, truly what does sanctuary mean and how does that impact the five-minute family? For most of history, the word sanctuary referred to the holiest of holy places in a church, usually where the Lord’s supper was taken. Sanctuary has both literal and figurative meanings in today’s usage. Most people refer to any place wherein they feel safe and secure as a sanctuary. Folks today who are seeking refuge, may literally go into a church and ask for figurative sanctuary. Sanctuary has basically two main meanings in the Bible. In the old covenant, the sanctuary is a physical space considered the holiest of holies, and only the high priest is allowed to enter once a year, and if he was unclean, he would die. In Exodus 25:8, God says, “And let them make me a sanctuary, that I may dwell in their midst.” The sanctuary was a physical place for the presence of the one true God. Jeremiah 17:12 further describes it with “A glorious throne set on high from the beginning” as “the place of our sanctuary.” As Hebrews 9 declares in verses 8 and 9, “The Holy Spirit was making it clear that the way into the most holy place had not yet been disclosed while the first tabernacle was still standing. This is a symbol for the present time, during which gifts and sacrifices are offered that cannot perfect the worshiper’s conscience.” Continuing in verse 11 that Christ came as a high priest, entering the most holy place for all time by His own blood. With this new covenant, Christ is our sanctuary. He is the high priest who brings us into the presence of the Most High God. As we wrote this, Kim battled with these two questions: 1. Is the reason we have reduced the meaning of the word sanctuary from the holiest of holies to a personal safe place because we have slowly replaced God in our society with the little ‘g’ god of self? 2. Or, have we finally allowed ourselves to fully grasp that God is everywhere, and we can step into His holiness at any time because of the great work of Jesus Christ on the cross? And, honestly, I think it is both/and, not either/or. If we allow ourselves to focus on the feeling of calm, the lack of conflict, or the desire for comfort, we can certainly - very quickly and easily - replace the one True God with our little ‘g’ god-selves. HOWEVER, if we focus on God and realize that He is so much more than a room in a building, then we have allowed Him to transform our stilted, “don’t run here” thinking into welcoming Him into every facet of our lives, bringing joy, peace, calm, and comfort, no matter what storm may rage around us. As Ezekiel 11:16 says, “Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.” So, how does a five-minute family become a sanctuary for the Lord and for those in the family itself? 1. Be spirit led. Galatians 5:16-18, the Apostle Paul tells us to “walk by the Spirit.” Walking by the Spirit means we choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 2. Be in God’s Word daily. This is hard. Trust us, we know. There are distractions galore. Kim and I are in God’s Word daily, but we often fail to get into the word every day with our children. We don’t have any regular schedule, and this makes it that much harder. We don’t say that to make excuses; we say it to let you know we understand. We are right there with you if this is an area of struggle for your family. 3. We must set our minds on God. He says in Psalm 91:14, “Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” To set our minds on God, we must choose to think about God throughout our days, not just during our daily reading or at church. 4. Be authentic. Just as Paul was authentic in 1 Corinthians 2. Remember, he did not go to them proclaiming Christ with lofty speech or wisdom. He spoke of nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified. Paul went to them in his weakness in fear and in trembling. His speech and message were not the orator’s best, but the Holy Spirit used Paul’s authenticity to show the power of God. 5. Be forgiving. No one feels safe if they aren’t sure if they will be attacked at any time for a past mistake. As Ephesians 4 reminds us, “Forgive as God forgave you.” Live for God, be His sanctuary, and offer sanctuary to one another by striving for God’s excellence in your lives. Be blessed!

Good morning, Five Minute Families. This is our first devotional in 2024. As many are doing, we are taking this time to reflect back on last year and look forward to the new one. In years past, we have made different suggestions for families to have intentional discussions surrounding the newness concept. Last year we discussed standards, goals, resolutions, and new opportunities. The year before we discussed possibilities and planning by beginning with the end in mind, and in our first year with the Five Minute Family we suggested coming up with a family word of the year. Personally for our own family, some of these ideas worked better than others through the years, depending on the ages and needs of our children at the time. As I was driving to be with family this holiday, I heard a podcast by Mel Robbins. She explained six questions to ask yourself as you step into the new year. The first three are focused on reviewing the past year, and the next three steps are focused on the coming year. To give that concept the Five Minute Family spin (with a bonus), let’s discuss the first three past-year reflective questions she poses. First, what were your family highlights from last year? Remembering the good and lovely things that happened are important, even if the year had many sad or difficult moments. 1 Corinthians 11:2 encourages us to remember the wonderful gifts from our Lord: “Now I praise you because you remember me in everything.” Just as Mel Robbins encouraged, don’t only rely on your own memory, pull out the camera roll and calendar to give you and your loved ones a fuller picture of the year. Second question: What were your hardest moments this year as a family? Psalm 56:8 points out that God has put our tears in a bottle. As one author put it “Our sorrows matter to God.” Reflecting on those hard times allows us to remember how they affected us and is important, especially when you get to question number three. What did you learn about yourselves this past year? There may be a bit more self-focus on this question as you discuss this as a family, but try to keep in mind the family identity you are cultivating and how the individual’s changes impact the family identity as well as how the family identity may have been fundamentally altered. What does that mean moving forward as a Christ-centered family? 1 Peter 4:10 puts it this way, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another.” In May 2021 we discussed the “stop start continue” concept as it could be applied to the marital relationship. Mel Robbins used that concept as her second set of three questions - the forward-looking questions. Here, we want to prompt your thoughts to get your minds focused as a family on what you can collectively do. First up in the moving forward category, what do you need to STOP doing as a family? Acts 3:19-20a states, “Therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out, that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord…” Not all of the actions you think of may be sinful, but there are actions you need to stop as a family because they may not be the most edifying. Sinful actions such a complaining or gossiping need to go, of course, but what about the actions of always calling out what someone else is doing wrong? I know I am guilty of that. As mom, it is my job to correct and instruct my children, but are there some situations in which I need to hold my tongue and let them see the need for a change in their behavior themselves? Second in the moving forward category is, what do you need to continue doing? Are you already intentional AT LEAST five strategic moments a day to stay connected as a family? If you are reading God’s word daily, that’s another thing to keep continuing doing. Do you already build one another up with your words and actions? And, finally, in the moving forward, almost resolution-esque category, what do you need to start doing this year to achieve your family goal or goals as a strong, godly Christ-centered family? Maybe you aren’t reading God’s word together on a regular basis, and you want to begin to do so. Maybe you need to create a family vision board and work to a goal of household chore consistency. Whatever it may be, use what you learned about yourselves in the highlights and lowlights of last year to make realistic plans to step into 2024 one anothering as God intends. Never forget Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Be blessed!