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What if some of the goals you’re working so hard to achieve aren’t actually things you want? In this episode, we’re getting to the bottom of what you actually want, why it can be so hard to figure that out when you’ve spent years optimizing for achievement and being impressive, and how my life changed when I stopped doing that. In this episode we discuss: Why nothing could just be a hobby for me and everything had to become a business, side hustle, or something I could excel at.Being afraid that dismantling my externally validated identity would make me lose my ambition and drive (and what actually happened when I did).The real reason we set impressive goals we don't really care about.What I learned after realizing that achieving my goals were not going to give me the "feeling" I thought they'd bring.The "arrival fallacy" and why achieving your goals don't always give you what you thought it would or feel how you thought it would feel.How I realized I was optimizing for vanity metrics instead of what actually mattered to me.What happened when I stopped creating content based on what I thought would perform and started creating based on what I genuinely wanted to say.Why my Substack took off when I stopped trying so hard to make it work.The real reason behind some of the lofty goals I had.The difference between being ambitious and feeling like you have to be exceptional at everything.How to completely change the way you set goals so they're aligned with what you actual want.What happens when you try to chase the goals you *think* you want with your old identity.How to start using your ambition to build what you actually want instead of using it to prove something about yourself.Goal + vision board audit exercise & why it's important to do this EVERY TIME you set a goal. Mentioned in this episode: The Diary of a High AchieverSecluded Thoughts Substack Homework: Goal + vision board audit exercise + leave a comment on the Substack post for this episode and tell me what you discovered. Sponsors: Become You 2.0 helps you dismantle the conditioning behind the externally validated identity that makes you feel like everything has to be optimized, impressive, and validated by something outside of you. It teaches you how to stop letting that identity dictate your decisions so you can use your ambition to build the life you actually want. Enroll Here. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Sorry, I ghosted y’all. 😂 But there was actually a reason, and it had a lot more to do with the version of myself I was becoming than me simply needing a break. In this episode, I’m catching you up on what happened while I was gone, what I realized about the identity I had built around achievement and being impressive, and why I had to let that version of me go before I could really build the life I actually wanted. In this episode we discuss: Why I disappeared from the podcast after years of never missing an episode, and what made me realize the old version of the show no longer represented who I was.Realizing how leaving a successful career meant leaving behind way more of my identity than I ever expected.What happened when I was forced to sit with myself because I had nothing impressive to hide behind.How being externally validated can show up in your relationships.Why I found myself blocking people I knew from seeing my content and what that revealed about me that I wasn't prepared for.The connection between high achievement, people-pleasing, and the fear of disappointing people who have gotten used to you always having it together.Why being hyper-independent can create a cycle where people genuinely stop treating you like someone who might need help.Navigating relationships after you've found out that you've been placed on a pedestal.Why asking for help felt so unsafe even when I was struggling.What happens when a control freak is in a situation they can't control.Navigating life after you realize that everything you've built was around what people expected of you.What happens when you try to do the things you want to do but a part of you keeps asking, “What will people think?” Mentioned in this episode: The Diary of a High AchieverThe Unraveling of a High Achiever SeriesThe Weird Grief Of Realizing That People Don't Really Know YouThe Weight of Being Placed on a PedestalSecluded Thoughts Substack Sponsors: Become You 2.0 dismantles the performative identity that keeps you stuck in approval-seeking, shape-shifting, and people-pleasing mode, trying to live up to who other people expect you to be, and helps you step into a more authentic version of yourself and build the life you actually want. Enroll Here. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it). This is part two so if you haven't watched part one please start there, but in this episode I'm getting into everything I actually learned coming out of that season because there was a lot. We'll discuss: Why not everybody deserves access to your vulnerability even when you're actively working on itThe difference between people making deposits versus withdrawals when you open up (and how to tell which one is happening)What I actually changed about my standards and my relationships to protect myself going forward If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity [Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you're the one who always has it together, the one everybody expects to be okay, the one who would genuinely rather deal with it alone than give people the opportunity to disappoint you — this episode is going to feel uncomfortably familiar. I'm gonna be honest about what it actually feels like to be placed on a pedestal you never asked to be on, why vulnerability felt like the enemy for most of my life, and what God had to take me through in 2025 to break all of that out of me (and he was not gentle about it). We'll discuss: Why I disdain vulnerability & why high achievers specifically, struggle with vulnerabilityThe four responses you almost always get when you open up as the strong one (and why they make you want to never do it again)What being placed on a pedestal actually costs you and how it quietly conditions you to keep everything to yourselfWhat it took for me to finally understand why I was so allergic to vulnerability and what it was really protecting me from If you can relate to this, know that the high achiever conditioning doesn't just stop at your vulnerability, it affects your ability to actually pursue the things you want in life because you're so used to performing. Once you remove that conditioning from your identity, it opens up a world of possibilities you couldn't step into as that performative version of yourself. For coaching to remove the high achiever conditioning from your identity to step into your next level, enroll in the Spring cohort: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity [Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You've been working hard, staying consistent, making sacrifices... and yet just when things finally start working, something in you pulls back. You go quiet, you lose momentum, you forfeit the exact moment you've been working hard for. It makes no sense, and it's been driving you crazy. This episode is going to explain what is actually happening every time that cycle plays out, (because I promise you it goes way deeper than discipline or how bad you want it), and once you understand it you will never look at it the same way again. We’ll discuss: The REAL reason why you lose momentum the moment things start working in your favorWhy your hard work and discipline STILL isn't enough unless you get this ONE thing rightThe thing I discovered about myself that finally explained why I kept sabotaging my own breakthroughsPractical exercise to do next time this happens so you don't sabotage your opportunity If this has been happening to you and you’re tired of it, join Become You 2.0 to get the blueprint that will get your nervous system on board with your next level so you stop sabotaging every time things start working out: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You know that season where you're not who you used to be, but you haven't fully stepped into who you're becoming yet? That in-between phase where you're doing everything right, working hard, and staying consistent, but something keeps blocking you from your next level? Yeah, that's exactly what this episode is about. And I'm going to tell you something you probably haven't heard before about why you're stuck there and what's actually going to get you out. Because I promise you, it's not what you think. We'll discuss: What the in-between phase actually is and why so many people get trapped here longer than they need toThe sneaky reason your results keep fluctuating no matter how much effort you put inSomething that happened to me that revealed exactly what was really standing in my way (and it caught me completely off guard)Why everything you've been trying hasn't been working, and the one thing that changes all of itA practical exercise you can do today to find what's actually blocking you If this episode resonated with you & you noticed some resistance when doing the exercise at the end, here's the blueprint to remove those blocks and become the version of you required for your next level: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, I'm getting in your business (you've been warned). I'm breaking down six shifts I had to make that completely changed my life. We'll discuss: The mentality that keeps you in a loop of negativityThe 3 ways you're seeking validation that's holding you backThe thing high achievers specifically struggle with that quietly destroys confidence (this one might hit different)Why waiting for clarity is actually the problemThe loop keeping you stuck at step one with no progressThe fear hiding underneath all of it, literally holding you hostage If this episode resonated with you — especially the parts about victim mentality, fear of being seen, or waiting for clarity before you take action — what you're experiencing are symptoms of a misaligned identity. Meaning: the version of you that's trying to do the thing isn't fully aligned with the life you're trying to build. If you're ready to actually become the version of you required for your next level, I'll give you the blueprint: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity Journal prompts for high-achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

My first Youtube video was me talking about how I was afraid to put myself out there. And now 2 years later I'm telling you everything I learned that helped me get more comfortable showing up online. Note: this episode is an oldie but goodie so the community no longer exists, however, I have created a new community with coaching to help you become the best version of yourself. If you struggle with the fear of being seen, confidence, procrastination, self-sabotage, any anything else that hinders you from becoming the best version of yourself, sign up for coaching with me: https://secludedthoughts.com/identity Journals prompts to become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/journals Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If you’re a high achiever, you may be dealing with what I call pedestal relationships — where people place you on a pedestal, expect you to always have it together, and then don’t show up for you the same way they show up for others. In this episode I share how I realized this was happening in my life, the signs I ignored at first, and the changes I’m making so my relationships aren’t built on me being the “strong one” all the time. [Substack Post ] The Weight of Being Placed on a Pedestal: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/p/the-weight-of-being-placed-on-a-pedestal Journal for High Achievers: https://secludedthoughts.com/doha Need help becoming the best version of yourself?: https://secludedthoughts.com/masterclass Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hyper independence doesn’t come from nowhere. For a lot of high achievers, it’s learned. It’s survival. It’s what you do when you realize no one is coming to save you. In this episode, I’m opening up about how 2025 forced me to confront my hyper-independence and self reliance—and why God allowed it to break me down instead of letting me power through it like I’ve done in the past. We talk about: how “strength” and independence can become a strongholdwhy I grew to avoid depending on people and being vulnerablewhat happens when you’re the “strong friend” who finally runs outwhat happened when I finally started opening upwhy God had to break the stronghold of hyper independence in my lifeand why community isn’t optional for the next chapter of your life This is the first episode in the series for the month of February where we talk about Shedding—letting go of what can’t come with you into the next chapter. [Substack] Diary of a High Achiever: https://diaryofahighachiever.substack.com/ Read the post on Pedestal Relationships here Journal Prompts for Relationships: http://secludedthoughts.com/journals Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode we'll discuss both why you self sabotage and how to stop self sabotaging. If you don't do these things you run the risk of sabotaging your 2026 goals. If you struggle with self-sabotage and inconsistency when you try to work on your goals, sign up for my free masterclass to learn exactly what's causing it and how to fix it so you can become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/masterclass Ready to stop being inconsistent and shift your identity to finally become the best version of yourself? Enroll in Upgrade Your Standard: https://secludedthoughts.com/upgrade Subscribe to my Substack for the BTS of becoming the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.substack.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This is your year end pep talk to get your life together before 2026. These are 5 things I need you to keep in mind as you start planning for 2026. If you struggle with self-sabotage and inconsistency when you try to work on your goals, sign up for my free masterclass to learn exactly what's causing it and how to fix it so you can become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/masterclass Ready to stop being inconsistent and shift your identity to finally become the best version of yourself? Enroll in Upgrade Your Standard: https://secludedthoughts.com/upgrade Authenticity episode: #221. How to be Authentic AND believe that YOU are enough Subscribe to my Substack for the BTS of becoming the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.substack.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In today's episode, we'll discuss why you struggle to consistent when working on your goals and how to be consistent so you can become the best version of yourself. Ready to stop being inconsistent and shift your identity to finally become the best version of yourself? Enroll in Upgrade Your Standard: https://secludedthoughts.com/upgrade Book - Atomic Habits: https://amzn.to/49ByQtU Personal conviction episode: #214 - You've come too far to give up now Subscribe to my Substack for the BTS of becoming the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.substack.com/ Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In today's episode, we'll discuss how you can start being more comfortable in just being yourself. We'll start with a pep talk, then I'll give you some questions to do an authenticity audit, and lastly, you'll get some homework so you can start being who you are 100% AND knowing that you are ENOUGH. If you struggle with procrastination and inconsistency when you try to work on your goals, sign up for my free masterclass to learn exactly what's causing it and how to fix it so you can become the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.com/masterclass Ready to stop being inconsistent and finally become the best version of yourself? Enroll in Upgrade Your Standard: https://secludedthoughts.com/upgrade Subscribe to my Substack for the BTS of becoming the best version of yourself: https://secludedthoughts.substack.com/ Read my Substack Post on the BTS of getting comfortable being authentic: https://secludedthoughts.substack.com/p/its-about-you LET'S STAY CONNECTED! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@secludedthoughts YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/SecludedThoughtsPodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/secluded.thoughts/ Sponsorship Inquiries: [email protected] Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

If I knew these things ahead of time it would have saved me a lot of agony and confusion so I'm going to give you a heads up. If you struggle with procrastination and inconsistency when you try to work on your goals, sign up for my free masterclass to learn exactly what's causing it and how to fix it so you can become the best version of yourself ✨ Free masterclass: https://secludedthoughts.com/masterclass Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy