Advertise on podcast: LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life

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★★★★★

4.7

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24 reviews

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Join therapists Jerry Sander & Kristy Gaisford as we look at both the hard truths, and joys, that accompany intimate relationships. Our perspective is personal, practical and based on experience: we've both been married, divorced, and married again after finding great partners for our second marriages. (Both of us had four children apiece in our first marriages; Kristy has four step-children in her second one). Both of us maintain relationally-focused private therapy practices, focusing on couples and individuals. ) We are both certified in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy and are regular, authorized presenters of the weekend Relationship Boot Camp. We also offer a weekend workshop for those who are starting their lives again after the life-altering relational reset of divorce.

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Leaving Victimhood

2026/10/09

Send us Fan Mail Most people grow up with wounds from childhood and/or adolescence, but only some come to have a long-term identification as a victim. Progressing into survivorship and learning how to cherish one's one life and to thrive is the challenge. The crucible for all this is often often found in adult relationships. What is to be gained from identifying with victimhood, and how do I leave it? Kristy and Jerry consider this together.

Why Does It Always Have To Be AboutYou?

2026/09/22

Send us Fan Mail Kristy and Jerry ponder the frustrations of disconnections and challenges that always seem to land in predictably annoying directions: why does it always have to be ABOUT you? We role-play the typical way this gets expressed and then do a healthy re-do of the same scenario.

A.I. Won't Save You

2026/09/01

Send us Fan Mail Jerry and Kristy consider the implications of A.I. for couples, their therapies, and for therapists. Positive and negatives are acknowledged, with all sorts of red warning flags flying.

Weaponized Sex

2026/07/20

Send us Fan Mail Jerry (solo) considers some of the common complaints about sex-within-long-term-relationships, with a focus on the messaging that we've internalized along the way. The distinction between seeking mutual sexual pleasures and some people's understandings of the responsibility to merely fulfill obligations are considered. An upcoming day-long Zoom workshop, Rekindling Sexual Connection, on August 15th, is offered to help people beginning talking about what they most need and haven't been able to talk about without shame.

Breadwinning

2026/04/20

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The Wise Adult

2025/12/31

Send us Fan Mail The Wise Adult is the gold standard for the capacity for intimacy. In our 80th episode -- and that last one before a 8 month hiatus from recording -- we consider the beauty and optimism this layer-of-personality brings, offering us relief from the seemingly-automatic responses our other layers routinely present.

The Strength of the Adaptive Child

2025/12/13

Send us Fan Mail Poised in between the slings and arrows of early childhood (i.e., the Wounded Child) and the emergence of the Wise Adult, the Adaptive Child becomes our friend and our go-to personality more often than not. Jerry and Kristy pay homage to it, while discussing the real-life repercussions of your Adaptive Child for your relationships.

Bad Couples Therapy

2025/11/14

Send us Fan Mail This was a topic that was requested of us to talk about, and which resonated with both Kristy and Jerry as a worthy one. When couples therapy goes wrong, or is unsatisfying to the couple that searched for help, why is this??? What type of connection, process and set of skills are necessary to have things click and move forward with good feeling for all involved? Kristy and Jerry consider this (along with a fake fight in which one person argues about the couples therapist favoring one of them over the other).

Are You Curious About Yourself?

2025/09/18

Send us Fan Mail After having previously considered how curiousity functions in a relationship, Kristy and Jerry take a look at how it also influences us as individuals, over our lifespans.

Are You Curious About Your Partner?

2025/08/07

Send us Fan Mail After a summer hiatus, Jerry & Kristy are back, talking about the curiosities -- or lack of curiosities -- we have about our partners. How does this affect intimacy? Long-term relationship habits can work to erode spontaneity, a sense of discovery and wonder and all the good stuff that was there in the beginning. Can curiosity be restored??? YES, and at any point in the life span of your relationship.

Controlling Your Partner

2025/04/19

Send us Fan Mail Jerry & Kristy consider the ebbs and flow of attempted control of the other person within a relationship. What does it get you? What's so wrong about it, anyway? An epic fight about the way the other person loads the dishwasher is featured in the second half, as well as a better-way-forward illustrated.

When You're Both Avoidant

2025/03/28

Send us Fan Mail So what happens when BOTH of you have patterns of avoiding conflict and want to keep the peace at all costs, even if it means staying with an unhappy status quo? Jerry & Kristy consider this (a listener-suggested topic) in light of the rewards that can come from decidedly "rocking the boat."

Seek First to Understand

2025/03/08

Send us Fan Mail Identifying your feelings and then talking about them isn't enough. There is another person present in the relationship and reaching to understand THEM is the very challenge that we have to master in order for any progress to take hold. Kristy and Jerry consider how the search for understanding of "the other" usually presents itself -- either in its presence or its absence and show you how this often breaks out in fights. Alternatives are identified and practiced.

That Third Day of Vacation Fight

2025/02/15

Send us Fan Mail You finally both get to the vacation destination of your dreams -- something you've been saving for the rest of the year and it seems just great. Until the third day, when you have That Big Fight. Why is this such a recognizable thing to most couples? What explains it? And what could help things be better?

The Space Between Our Two Realities

2025/01/24

Send us Fan Mail Sometimes it is hard to believe we are on the same planet, witnessing the same things as our partner but ending up with very different perspectives. Kristy and Jerry consider the "space between" and consider how best to handle differences about "Reality" when it comes to life in the here-and-now with a partner.

Podcast reviews

Read LoveWork: Skills for a Relational Life podcast reviews

4.7 out of 5

24 reviews

★★★★★

Mama tries 2023 2025/08/06

Excellent!

I am binge-listening to your podcast starting from the beginning. Loving it! You guys have a great rapport together, I love that you get right down to...

★★★★★

wongJu 2023/04/04

Life changing!

The perspective that is given on the topics addressed on this podcast is so eye opening! To have both male and female insights in the same discussion ...

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