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Most boys see p*rn for the first time between ages 8 and 11, often by accident. Here's what it does to the brain. Jason sits down with Cole Zick, director of the non-profit More Revolution, to break down the actual science behind porn and sex addiction. Cole's own story is the rare exception, he never looked at porn and met his wife Caitlyn at 16, so his interest in the subject comes purely from research into why so many men sabotage their lives and families over it. Jason's story is the far more common one, addicted to masturbation at 10 and fully hooked on porn by 14, a two-year battle that defines the struggle most listeners already know firsthand. The two walk through the statistics together: nearly 70% of first exposures to pornography are accidental, a misclicked ad or a search gone wrong, and kids are now typically introduced to it between ages 8 and 11, long before any biological drive for it exists. They explain what that early exposure actually does inside a developing brain. It functions almost like a death of innocence, instantly sexualizing every future interaction with the opposite sex and training the brain, through pure repetition, to treat that first experience as "second nature." Fast forward to a 28-year-old man who deeply loves his wife and still finds himself manipulating for sex, and Cole traces that pattern straight back to what got wired in at age 10. Because sex inside an actual marriage, especially early on, is nowhere near as polished as what porn teaches the brain to expect, which is why so many men's first real sexual experience inside marriage feels like a letdown they can't explain. Cole and Jason get into just how distorted those expectations become, citing estimates that 45 to 85% of mainstream porn depicts violence or aggression, and that it reportedly takes 13 minutes of searching on Pornhub to find a non-violent scene. They explain the "power of first mention," the idea that whatever a person learns about sex first shapes everything after it, and walk through an actual lab study on mice to illustrate the role of novelty in arousal. That novelty effect is exactly what turns a wife "boring" in a struggling marriage, not because anything changed about her, but because a porn-conditioned brain has been trained to need constant variety, a pattern Jason and Cole say ends more marriages than people realize. The conversation moves into real neuroscience: dopamine and serotonin, the reward chemicals that make video games and porn so addictive because they deliver a payoff with zero work or relationship attached, versus vasopressin and oxytocin, the bonding chemicals that chemically attach a person to a partner whether or not they ever intended to. Jason shares his own embarrassing confession about getting hooked on Fortnite during COVID, and the two explain why the average American man has six sexual partners before his wedding day, and what that does to a person's capacity to actually bond for life. Where the episode turns practical is in how to actually break free. Cole details a famous study on Vietnam veterans and heroin, showing that changing your surrounding context can do more to break an addiction than willpower alone, and the two walk through setting real boundaries, understanding the detox period, and using the brain's neuroplasticity to build new pathways. Cole closes with the story of telling his father and sisters about his own struggle at 15 years old and wearing a white t-shirt every day for a year afterward as a daily reset, a moment he calls the turning point that made the fight to break free "a fair fight" for the first time. Chapters:  00:00 - Intro: Foundations of Masculinity 04:23 - Why This Episode Is About the Science of P*rn  07:32 - Addicted at 10: The Shocking Early-Exposure Statistics  14:23 - Why Marriage Sex Can't Compete With Porn's Fantasy  19:55 - The Hidden War Every Porn-Raised Husband Fights  25:52 - Chasing the Orgasm Instead of Chasing Connection  32:25 - Why Porn and Video Games Hijack the Same Reward System  38:49 - Jason's Confession: How Fly Fishing Became His Own Addiction  44:52 - Why "I'll Fish Once a Week" Beats Willpower Every Time  50:33 - Why Tracking Your "Streak" Can Actually Backfire  56:54 - The 48-Hour Trigger Audit That Exposes What's Really Going On  1:03:38 - The Fight Is Winnable: Resources, Encouragement, and a Prayer #PornAddiction #ChristianMen =================================== Foundations of Masculinity Small Groups: https://www.smallgroups.braveco.org/ Foundations of Masculinity For Your Church: https://www.church.braveco.org/ Jason's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayvallotton/ CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Website: https://www.braveco.org/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Jason Vallotton tackles spiritual leadership vs. control, pride vs. godly confidence, and waiting on God in our Live Q&A Show. Want to join the next one? Get alerts and stay connected: https://braveco.info/live-qa-with-jason-page We're back with our new live Q&A format on the Brave Co podcast, where I take your real questions on marriage, faith, and becoming a stronger man. This week Dave asks how to avoid confusing spiritual leadership with spiritual control, and I dig into a word study on Eve as "helpmate," a term that in Hebrew is the same word used for God helping man, not a synonym for doing the dishes. I walk through why a husband's job is to lay his life down for his wife the way Christ did for the church, and what to actually do when you and your wife don't agree, including the rule my wife and I live by: whoever has the most buy-in, experience, and gifting in an area usually makes the final call, and when we're truly stuck, we go to a mutual mentor we both trust instead of me pulling rank. Jeremy's question hits close to home for me since I spent years as a firefighter working alongside non-believers and some genuinely rough guys. I explain the difference between positional leadership, where people follow you because they have to, and permissional leadership, a concept from John Maxwell, where people follow you because they want to. I share exactly how I built that with my crew, one lunch and one conversation at a time, and why the principle "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" mattered more to me than trying to get anyone "saved." Wayne asks about waiting on God and stepping out of the boat, and I push back on the idea that waiting means doing nothing, using the farmer who won't plant until God tells him to as the example of what waiting on God is not. I also tell the story of sitting with John Eldredge when a bell rang and his whole team stopped for two full minutes just to listen to God, something I've carried with me since. Finally, JP asks how to tell godly confidence apart from sinful pride, and I break down pride as a mask for insecurity, confidence that's always pointing back to you, versus godly confidence, which points back to God and what He can do through you. If you want to submit your own question for a future live Q&A, follow us on Instagram and watch for the next live stream. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss an episode, and check out our hats and gear at braveco.org. Stay brave out there. Chapters:  00:00 - Intro 02:43 - Dave's Question: Spiritual Leadership vs. Spiritual Control  12:03 - Jeremy's Question: Leading Non-Believers Without Preaching At Them  20:09 - Wayne's Question: Waiting on God and Stepping Out of the Boat  26:10 - JP's Question: Godly Confidence vs. Sinful Pride  30:28 - Wrap-Up: How to Submit Your Own Question CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Snapping at your wife and kids? Working in ministry with your spouse? Jason Vallotton answers real men's questions on marriage, boundaries, and breaking old habits in our first live Q&A. Want to join the next one? Get alerts and stay connected: https://braveco.info/live-qa-with-jason-page Host Jason Vallotton, a pastor and counselor, draws on his own experience with divorce, a nervous breakdown, co-parenting, and raising a blended family. Chapters: 00:00 – Introducing the New Live Q&A Format  02:39 – Joseph's Question: Why Do I Keep Snapping at My Wife?  05:22 – The Target Every Husband Needs: Safe, Seen, Known  08:03 – "The House Has Needs": The Alarm That Changed His Marriage  10:44 – Matt's Question: Married and Working in Ministry Together  13:24 – "My Home Supports My Work" Is Backwards Thinking  16:02 – Why Every Couple Needs to Live by a Shared Calendar  18:40 – Russell's Question: Why Do the Wheels Keep Falling Off?  21:24 – Find a Partner Who Already Has the Habit Built  24:05 – Forgive Yourself: You're Not Back at Square One CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Right now the best and worst things in my life are happening at the same time. My kids are growing up beautiful, and my wife's mother is in the last hours of a two year battle with stage four stomach cancer. I bring on my friend John Mark McMillan, the songwriter behind "How He Loves," who I first found during the worst season of my life, going through my own divorce, listening to his album on 5am walks because I couldn't sleep. We talk about how death and crisis have a strange way of contextualizing your life, and I share something I realized sitting next to my dying mother-in-law, the only thing that actually matters to her right now is the community she built and what she leaves behind, not a truck, not a vacation, not a bank account. John Mark gets real about his own story, middle school bullying that felt like "blood in the water," the one friend who changed everything for him, and how he almost accidentally discovered songwriting while going through his divorce, writing songs at night on a porch for an audience of nobody but God and a speed hump in the road. He breaks down a framework he calls Category 1 and Category 2, Category 1 is what keeps you alive, Category 2 is the actual reasons to stay alive, and traces an entire generation of men's emotional suppression back to our grandfathers coming home from World War II and the Great Depression and being told to just pretend everything was fine. We talk about Victor Frankl, meaning versus pleasure, and the Oliver Anthony song that took a total stranger from 40,000 followers to a million in about a week because he said something people felt but didn't have words for. We close on his favorite song he's ever written, "The Road, the Rocks, and the Weeds," about a God who doesn't just heal your pain but actually feels it with you, and why Jesus's vulnerability on the cross is the only reason any of us can have a real relationship with him. Then we get honest about something a lot of men carry shame over, their sex drive and temptation, and John Mark makes the case that Jesus being tempted in every way, including same-sex attraction, isn't a problem for faith, it's the whole point, because holiness was never about what you can get away with, it's about the joy on the other side of what you're willing to sacrifice. Thanks for listening, guys, stay Brave, and we'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – The Best and Worst Things Happening at the Same Time  07:26 – What My Dying Mother-in-Law Taught Me About Success  14:51 – Middle School Survival: "It's Like Blood in the Water"  22:24 – Writing Songs for an Audience of One: God and a Speed Hump  29:50 – How a Song Took Oliver Anthony From 40K to a Million Followers  37:13 – Why Our Grandfathers Were Taught to Never Look Weak  44:44 – Finding the Middle: Surviving Hard Things While Choosing Joy  52:11 – Half a Million Monthly Listens: Keeping Success From Owning You  59:32 – Inside "The Road, the Rocks, and the Weeds," His Favorite Song  1:07:01 – Why Real Passion Always Requires Something to Suffer For CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I don't usually lead with this, but most of you have heard pieces of my story and I want to give it to you straight. Real anxiety by age 10, medicating with porn and masturbation by 14. Married my high school sweetheart at 18, three kids by 24, divorced at 27, raising my kids as a single dad. At 29 I hit a full nervous breakdown, the kind where your life feels like it's on fire and you have no idea how to put it out. I got remarried at 31 and spent the next 12 years on medication just to regulate my own nervous system. Then at 35, my wife and I finally got pregnant after five years of trying, and at our 10-week checkup we found out the baby had already died. I'm telling you all of this because here's what I've come to believe: you and I were born into a war whether we agreed to it or not. And here's the part most guys miss, we were also created for it. In this episode I walk through Ephesians 6 and the full armor of God, and I break down why the fight you're actually in isn't with your spouse, your kids, your finances, or the guy who cut you off in traffic, it's a spiritual one, and you can't win it by how much you bench press. I give you three keys to actually winning the war within. First, how you see the battle determines the outcome, and I'll tell you about my dad standing on the sideline of my soccer games, the story of the twelve spies who saw giants and called themselves grasshoppers, and Gideon sneaking into the enemy's camp the night before the fight of his life. Second, don't back down when it gets hard, because pain without vision is the worst pain there is, vision is what gives your pain a purpose. Third, the fastest way to lose a war is to fight one you were never equipped for, which is exactly what happens every time you compare your life to somebody else's highlight reel instead of staying in your own lane like David did on his way from shepherd to king. I get real about the seasons where I wanted to run, where doubt crept in and told me I didn't have what it takes, and why I've made the hard call not to rescue my own kids from every struggle they face, because hard times make strong men and I refuse to raise weak ones. This one is personal, it's not a highlight reel, it's the real fight, and I hope it gives you a roadmap for whatever war you're standing in the middle of right now. Guys, thank you for joining me today. Stay Brave. If this episode hit home, do me a favor and rate the show, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs to hear it, that's how we get this message to more men. We'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – My Story  04:16 – The Dark Place You're Called To 08:29 – You're Not Fighting People. You're Fighting This.  12:48 – The Doubt That Creeps In When You're Already Doing the Work  17:06 – Why I Won't Rescue My Kids From Every Hard Thing  21:13 – How You See the Battle Decides It  25:32 – Gideon's Move 29:49 – Why I Get Up at 5:45 AM Anyway  34:02 – Comparison Is a War You Were Never Built to Fight  38:18 – Staying in Your Lane CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I brought my wife on to talk marriage, with a slight emphasis on the man's role. We've been married eleven years, going on twelve, and our story is a little unusual, she came into my life mid-hike, stepping straight into raising my three kids from my first marriage, and now we've got five kids between us. We use that story to unpack one of our favorite analogies: marriage is an empty box, and the only thing you can pull out of it is what you've actually put in. Most people think marriage is going to solve their problems or fix their loneliness, but the truth is marriage exposes whatever cracks are already in your foundation, and taking ownership of yourself is the first and most important skill for building something healthy. We get really honest about our own early years, including the alarm I used to set on my phone that just said "the house has needs," and how I realized that if I didn't want my wife to feel like my mom, I had to take responsibility instead of waiting to be told what needed doing. We talk about how there's no universal standard of "shoulds" in a marriage, everybody's definition of responsible comes from how they were raised, and how learning to make what matters to your spouse actually matter to you is a skill, not an instinct. We also get into a striking statistic about how a husband coming to faith is far more likely to bring the whole family along than if a wife or child does first, which speaks to just how much of a catalyst a man is for the emotional and spiritual direction of his home. We close out with practical tools for anyone who didn't grow up with a healthy model for any of this: get a counselor, get into a community of healthy men who will call you up instead of enabling you, and stop carrying secrets, because what you hide defines you, while what you bring into the light sets you free. I also bring in John Gottman's research on the "four horsemen" that can predict with striking accuracy whether a marriage will succeed or fail, and why resentment and unforgiveness are so dangerous once they take root. At the end of the day, the goal isn't just a peaceful marriage, it's a connected one, and that takes both people willing to take ownership. Thanks for listening, guys, stay brave, and we'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – Intro 04:50 – The Marriage Box 09:40 – Who's Better at Taking Ownership in Our Marriage?  14:38 – "She Feels Like My Mom" 19:28 – The System That Never Gets Set Up  24:20 – When Dad Never Showed Weakness  29:11 – Why Counseling Isn't a Lifetime Sentence  34:06 – The Pressure of Being the Only One Who Knows  38:55 – The Man as Catalyst 43:46 – The Four Horsemen CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

On this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I'm joined by my great friend Cole Zick, director of Moral Revolution alongside his wife, for our monthly conversation about what it actually means to be a man. This time we're tackling a topic most guys avoid talking about out loud: managing your sex drive. Cole and I get into why so many men in ministry and in everyday life are frustrated by their sex drive and even afraid of it, and we make the case that God didn't give you that drive as a curse to manage but as a gift with a real purpose behind it, one built to point you toward your spouse, the one person in your life you actually get to choose. We go deep on what it looks like to train that appetite well, comparing it to learning to manage desires for money, cars, and comfort long before marriage even enters the picture, and we get surprisingly direct about what the Bible does and doesn't say about masturbation, including an unexpected Old Testament verse that shows God cared enough about this appetite to draw hard lines around it a long time ago. Cole also opens up about his own story, ten years of a sexually active marriage followed by a divorce that took him overnight to zero, and the blunt advice a mentor gave him about staying clean until he remarried. From there we talk honestly about how much harder purity gets for single men, the loneliness that comes with it, and why setting your expectations ahead of time changes everything. We close out with some of the most practical tools in the whole conversation: how a dopamine detox, through fasting, exercise, and real human connection, can reset a brain that's been leaning on quick hits for too long, why owning your insecurity out loud with the people you're dating matters more than hiding it, and why building a group of men who are actually pursuing strength alongside you is the difference-maker Cole keeps coming back to. If you've ever felt like something is wrong with you because of your sex drive, I hope this conversation helps you see it differently. Thanks for listening, guys, stay brave, and we'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – Why Men Fear Their Sex Drive  06:15 – God's Vision for Sex: Your Spouse Is the One You Choose  12:33 – Self-Servicing vs. Real Intimacy With Your Wife  18:43 – Training Your Appetite Young: Lessons in Managing Desire  25:03 – Does the Bible Talk About Masturbation?  31:14 – From 10 Years Active to Zero Overnight: Cole's Divorce Story 37:31 – Fighting for Purity as a Single Man  43:43 – The Dopamine Detox: Fasting, Exercise, and Connection  49:59 – The Vulnerable Text: Owning Your Own Insecurity  56:20 – Building a Brotherhood of Real Accountability CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week on the podcast, I brought on my favorite guest of all time: my mom. I wanted to sit down with her and dig into some of the wildest stories from my childhood, the ones I've never really told on this show before, starting with the night a demon-possessed teenager showed up at our home group and my parents accidentally launched a deliverance ministry that would define our family for years. My mom walks me through it in her own words, along with the story of Tracy Evans, a missionary who survived being shot at, shipwrecked, and hunted in the Philippines, and who later brought a young woman, the spiritual daughter of Anton LaVey, to live in our house. From there we get into some of the most intense moments of my upbringing: a manifestation that turned violent and sent my mom running for her life, my sister Jamie's terrifying medical crisis when she started having seizures as a kid, and the time my two older sisters, ages 12 and 14, were sent to smuggle Bibles into Communist China, one of them getting interrogated for hours and the other getting separated from her group in the middle of the night. My mom also opens up about the hardest financial season of their lives, losing their business, owing 1.8 million dollars, and watching God provide through a string of miracles that included a banker forgiving their debt in tears. We close the conversation talking about her Parkinson's diagnosis seven years ago and how she refused to let it define her, choosing instead to go elk hunting at 500 yards, harvest a black bear with a crossbow, and keep showing up for life instead of shrinking back. This episode is really a tribute to her, to her faith, her grit, and the way she and my dad lived out the gospel in real, messy, unglamorous ways long before it was something either of them had figured out. If this episode encourages you, give your own mom a call, and if you enjoyed it, like, comment, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Stay brave. Chapters: 00:00 – Meet My Mom  06:36 – The Night Deliverance Ministry Was Born  13:14 – Taking In Anton LaVey's Daughter 19:54 – Growing Up Surrounded by Angels and Demons  26:31 – When "Susan" Turned Violent 33:13 – My Sister's Terrifying Seizure and a Demonic Attack  39:51 – Smuggling Bibles Into Communist China as Kids  46:28 – Leaving Weaverville and Losing Everything in Bankruptcy  53:05 – The Miracle That Saved Us From $1.8 Million in Debt  59:41 – Parkinson's, Hunting Adventures, and a Tribute to Mom CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed, triggered, or flooded by your emotions and reached for every tool in the book to regulate them, this episode is for me as much as it's for you. As a pastor and counselor, I talk a lot about self-awareness, objectivity, and positive self-talk, and those tools genuinely matter. But in this episode I want to hand you something bigger than a tool: a complete shift in how you interpret the season you're in. I walk through what I imagine an hour-long coaching session with God would sound like, and why a man whose faith has never been tested is a weak man. Using James 1 as a life verse, I break down why endurance, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is the only real process for growing into a stronger, more mature man. From there I get into the gym metaphor I use constantly with the guys in my life: nobody goes to the gym and calls themselves weak because the weights feel heavy. Resistance is the whole point. I talk about Jocko Willink's "Good" mindset, why we've been sold propaganda that life is supposed to be easy, and how living from a place of victory beats fighting for victory every single day. Then I get into the second, and honestly more foundational, key: how you see God. I dig into the moment Jesus was baptized and the Father declared, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased," before Jesus had performed a single miracle, and what that means for those of us who think we have to earn God's love through performance. I close out the episode with the great exchange from Philippians 4, trading our anxiety for God's peace, and why rejoicing isn't denial but actually a "cheat mode" that puts us into testimony mode, the spirit of prophecy that gives other people hope. I finish with a prayer over every man and woman listening, especially those carrying wounds from an absent father or a hard past, that this would be a season of breakthrough and restoration. If this episode encourages you, I'd love for you to rate, review, and share it with someone who needs it. Stay brave. Chapters: 00:00 – Welcome 03:02 – The Life Hack That Beats Every Emotional Regulation Tool  06:11 – Built Up, Not Broken Down 09:14 – The Gym Metaphor 12:19 – Living From Victory Instead of Fighting for It  15:20 – The Second Key 18:23 – What Jesus's Baptism Teaches Us About God's Love  21:25 – Practical Steps to a Deeper Connection With God  24:35 – The Great Exchange 27:36 – A Prayer for Breakthrough and Restoration CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sit down with Dr. Margaret Nagib, a clinical psychologist and one of my most trusted friends, for a conversation I've wanted to have for a long time: how do you actually work through anxiety and depression as a man? Margaret breaks down why so many of us are struggling right now, from information overload to unprocessed childhood trauma, and explains what's really happening in your body and brain when you hit your window of tolerance. We get into the COVID season specifically, including her own story of telling God "I'm done" with the news, and how that moment shaped the way she now helps her clients regulate their emotions. The heart of this episode is a tool Margaret taught me that genuinely changed my life: recognize, relabel, refocus. I share exactly how I used radical thankfulness to pull myself out of anxiety spirals during one of the hardest seasons of my life, tapering off medication I'd been on for eight years while caring for a newborn. Margaret explains why fighting anxious thoughts only makes them louder, why distraction is actually a healthy tool, and why "it's not me, it's anxiety" became the phrase that finally let me detach from the spiral instead of getting swept up in it. We also go deep on depression, including the medical side I didn't expect, like a severe vitamin D deficiency that mimicked major depressive symptoms, and I open up about a recent surgery that triggered a spiral of hopelessness I had to consciously fight my way out of. Margaret closes with the psychology of hope, the story of the rats who kept swimming, and why every man needs a "hope holder" in his life when he can't hold onto hope himself. If you've ever felt like anxiety or depression was something only you were dealing with, this conversation is for you. Chapters: 0:00 – Meet Dr. Margaret Nagib 6:04 – COVID Overload: When the News Became Too Much 12:06 – Why Men Are Taught to Suppress Their Emotions 18:07 – Anxiety Isn't a Problem to Solve, It's a Spiral to Exit 24:12 – Avoidance, Trauma, and Why We Run From Emotion 30:14 – The Power of Radical Thankfulness to Break Anxiety 36:15 – Mapping Your Anxiety Triggers Before They Hit 42:20 – Vitamin D, Medication, and the Medical Side of Depression 48:21 – Jason's Surgery Story: Catching Depression Before It Spirals 54:27 – Agency, Hope, and Finding Your "Hope Holder" Dr. Margaret Nagib is a speaker, author, and clinical Psychologist. In this episode, Jay and Margaret explain how to deal with anxiety and depression. You will be better equipped to respond to your triggers and regulate your emotions. Episode Notes: - We experience anxiety and depression when we are beyond our capacity to cope. - One of the most powerless feelings for a man is wanting to help someone without knowing how to help them. - Avoidance is a symptom of trauma - Hope is the overall perception that a goal can be met - A person filled with hope has high agency (belief in yourself) and multiple pathways (ways to get where you want to go) Margaret's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/margaretnagib/ CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week I brought on my good friend Cole, who's raising three boys and a daughter, to dig into something that's been on my heart for a long time: how do we actually turn a boy into a man? We get into the real, practical side of fatherhood, from a flag football cheating scandal that turned into a life lesson on his sideline, to the conversation I had with my own son about learning to think and problem-solve instead of having every issue solved for him. Cole and I talk about how "becoming a man" isn't a single moment, it's language and intentionality threaded through everyday interactions, from sports to chores to the hard conversations nobody wants to have. We also get into why so many kids today grow up feeling unnecessary instead of needed, tracing the shift from the agricultural age, where a child's contribution literally put food on the table, all the way to today's information age, where kids can go their whole childhood without ever feeling essential to the family. I share the story of building what we call a family "ethos," teaching my kids what it means to be a Valentin, and how identity like that shapes behavior far more than rules ever could. And then I get real about one of the hardest seasons of my life as a dad: the moment my 17-year-old son decided to move out because he wanted more responsibility, and what happened over the year that followed, spaghetti dinners, blown budgets, and all. This conversation isn't about having it all figured out. It's about being willing to pay the personal price it takes to disciple your kids well, even when it costs you a practice, a peaceful evening, or your own comfort. If you're a dad in the thick of raising boys, or even if your kids are grown and you're wondering how you can still show up for the young men around you, this episode is for you. And don't forget, our Foundations of Masculinity course and our Sexuality and Relationships course are both completely free at braveco.org. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 - Intro: Why Masculinity Matters Today 02:00 - The Role of a Father in Training Sons 05:10 - Teaching Responsibility: A Father’s Approach 08:35 - Sports as a Tool for Life Lessons 13:20 - How Vision Shapes Responsibility in Young Men 16:40 - Creating a Family Ethos 22:15 - Sacrifice as a Parent: The Cost of Discipleship 30:00 - Letting Your Kids Learn Through Challenges 36:10 - Navigating Tough Conversations with Teens 42:00 - Free Tools to Support Fathers and Mentors Connect with Cole Zick: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colezick/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cczick CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This episode is lesson one from our Foundations of Masculinity course. I start with a true story out of Kruger National Park in 1993, where wildlife officials relocated a group of young male elephants without any older males to guide them. Within a few years, rangers started finding endangered white rhinos brutally killed, not by poachers, but by these juvenile elephants who had no elder to show them how to act. The second they flew in a few older bull elephants, the chaos stopped. When I first heard that story, it hit me like a truck, because it's exactly what's happening to men in our culture today. From there, I trace how we got here, starting with the sexual revolution of the 1960s and Woodstock's "free love" philosophy, and how removing responsibility and courtship from relationships between men and women actually backfired, leading to a massive spike in fatherlessness that's still wrecking families today. I break down the real difference between being male, being masculine, and being a manly man, and why manhood isn't something you're born with, it's something that has to be poured into you by other men. I also get personal, sharing my own dad's story of growing up without a father and how my grandfather, a hardworking farmer, shaped an entire ethos around what it means to be a man, even without ever using the word "masculinity." By the end of this episode, I dig into what Scripture actually says about a man's role, starting in Genesis, and I talk honestly about the different but equally valuable roles men and women carry, using some pretty relatable stories from my own marriage and home along the way. If you've ever felt confused about what it means to be a man in today's world, or if you've caught yourself acting more like a "man boy" chasing short-term gratification instead of long-term reward, this episode is for you. I close it out with a prayer over every man listening. Thanks for tuning in, and if this episode hits home, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Stay brave, and we'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – Welcome 04:09 – The Elephant Story: What It Teaches Us About Fatherless Men 08:11 – The Sexual Revolution's Broken Promise 12:22 – Toxic Masculinity vs. True Manhood: The Confusion Today 16:32 – What Manliness Really Means: Jesus as the Model 20:42 – Man Boys: When Selfishness Never Grows Up 24:54 – My Grandfather's Farm: A Lesson in Manly Work Ethic 29:01 – The Sump Pump Story: A Man's God-Given Responsibility 33:12 – Different Roles, Equal Value: Men and Women by Design 37:17 – Don't Suppress Your Masculinity: A Prayer for Every Man CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This episode comes straight from our BraveCo conference. John open's by walking through one of my favorite overlooked stories in Scripture: the resurrection morning where Jesus spends his first hours back from the dead playing what can only be described as practical jokes on his closest friends. If you've never noticed Jesus's sense of humor in the text, I promise once you see it, you can't unsee it, and it changes how you relate to Him. From there, John lays out a framework I've spent years developing: the masculine journey through the stages of beloved son, cowboy, warrior, lover, king, and sage. John uses David and Goliath, stories from his own life growing up on my grandfather's cattle ranch, and even a scene from Kingdom of Heaven to show how God doesn't just drop courage and identity on us out of nowhere. He initiates us through real experiences, one stage at a time, and most of us are walking around as unfinished men still needing to be built up in one of these areas, whether that's beloved-ness, adventure, the fight with our enemy, or learning to truly know our wife's heart. The second half of this talk is where John get's really practical, because none of this framework matters if you can't hear your Father's voice for yourself. John shares some of the wildest, most personal stories of God speaking to me, through a nalgene bottle, an underwear tag, and a canceled sermon that turned out to save me from disaster, and then John walk's the room through simple, no-pressure ways to start recognizing his voice in your own life. We close together in a guided time of prayer, facing our fears, asking the Father hard questions, and breaking agreements we've made with the enemy about who we are as men. If you're hungry for more of God and tired of trying to figure life out on your own, this one is for you. Stay brave, and I'll see you next week. Chapters: 00:00 – Welcome 08:04 – You Are a Son 16:20 – How God Initiates Men Through Experience 24:21 – The Beloved Son Stage 32:35 – Eve, Beauty & Why Your Wife Needs God, Not Just You 40:42 – God Isn't as Religious as You Think 48:48 – The Key to Everything 56:59 – How to Actually Hear God Speak 1:05:04 – Facing Your Fears & Letting God In 1:13:14 – Warrior Prayer: Breaking Agreements With the Enemy CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week's Brave Co episode is from my time teaching at Danny Silk's Keep Your Love On University. I dig into a question I ask almost everyone I talk to: what's your actual process for dealing with pain? Most men, even tough guys, don't have a real answer, they just medicate with food, alcohol, work, or scrolling, and I walk through why that always backfires, using James 1, the picture of a farmer sowing in tears, and a hunting analogy about always taking the hard way instead of the easy way. I get personal in this one and tell the full story of finding out my wife was having an affair, what it felt like to want to eject from my whole life with three kids depending on me, and why I eventually realized there was no shortcut, only one path through the pain. I break down why hope and vision matter more than willpower, including the wild "Rat With Hope" experiment and why couples I counsel don't need me to fix their old marriage, they need vision for a new one. Then I shift into forgiveness, probably the most misused word in the church, and explain why "just give it to Jesus" or "nail it to the cross" doesn't actually work if you've never processed the pain underneath it. By the end, I lay out the five real steps I use and teach couples and individuals to actually work through pain and get to genuine forgiveness rooted in compassion, not obligation. This episode runs long because we did a full teaching plus Q&A, but if you've ever felt stuck reliving the same pain over and over, this gives you an actual framework, not just theory. Stay brave out there. Chapters: 00:00 – Why Most Men Have No Real Process for Pain 08:12 – The Farmer's Mindset: Why Sowing in Tears Leads to a Harvest 16:24 – The Ecosystem You Inherited: Where Your Coping Skills Really Came From 24:33 – My Story: Discovering My Wife's Affair and Wanting to Eject 32:44 – Why Quick Fixes Are the Fastest Path to a Miserable Life 40:51 – Hope Energizes, Vision Sustains: The Rat With Hope Experiment 49:02 – You Have More Capacity Than You Think: Perseverance and Identity 57:12 – Why "Just Forgive Them" Doesn't Work (And Never Did) 1:05:25 – What Jesus on the Cross Teaches Us About Real Forgiveness 1:13:38 – The 5 Steps to Process Pain and Forgive From Compassion CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Connect with Sathiya: https://www.sathiyasam.com/ Jay and Sathiya both grew up in the church, and we both know what it's like when the emotional side of manhood gets either fully embraced or completely rejected. In this episode, we get into why fatherlessness, not war, addiction, or incarceration on their own, is actually the root issue behind almost every major crisis we see in families today, and why healing fathers is the only way to stop producing broken sons. We trace how the s*xual revolution of the 1960s and 70s quietly rewired an entire culture away from responsibility and toward instant gratification, and how that shift is still playing out in dating, marriage, and fatherlessness today. Jay also walks through something I think every man needs to hear: where you're at right now probably isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to fix. He breaks down a real, practical five-step process for working through pain instead of just slapping a "blanket of forgiveness" over your whole life, including a raw personal story about processing his own divorce through journaling, and why forgiving from compassion is so much more powerful than forgiving out of pure obligation. Toward the end, we zoom out to talk about what actually changes a society: not just rules, but men rediscovering that responsibility, not happiness, is what gives life real purpose. Jay unpacks his framework for fatherhood, protect, provide, and promote, and explains what "promote" really means through the lens of discover, develop, deploy, the same process his own dad used to help him find his calling as a counselor at 13 years old. If you're a man carrying father wounds, or you're a dad trying to break a cycle before it starts, this episode gives you language and tools for both. Stay brave out there. Chapters 00:00 – Why Fatherlessness Is the World's #1 Issue 05:15 – The Fatherlessness Epidemic 10:27 – Why Taking Responsibility Breaks the Cycle of Fatherlessness 15:44 – How the Sexual Revolution Fueled a Fatherless Generation 21:02 – Taking Ownership of Your Healing 26:15 – Why Presence Beats Perfection as a Father 31:26 – Processing Real Pain Step by Step 36:47 – Why Silencing Your Inner Child's Pain Isn't Real Forgiveness 42:06 – Why Responsibility (Not Happiness) Gives Men Real Purpose 47:16 – Discover, Develop, Deploy: Building a Legacy That Outlives You CONNECT WITH BRAVECO Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/ Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.