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Unf*ck Your Relationships

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Rating
★★★★★
4.5
from
233 reviews
This podcast has
236 episodes
Language
English
Explicit
Yes
Date created
2021/07/20
Latest episode
2026/02/02
Average duration
29 min.
Release period
8 days

Description

Welcome to Unf*ck Your Relationships Podcast! I'm your host Michelle Panning - intimacy alchemist AKA your love, sex, and relationship bestie, trigger queen, and founder of my signature program The Connected Woman. I get it, you're done being left on read, getting ghosted and being caught up in a cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable men. Let's be real - you have NEEDS. You deserve it all, you deserve to feel worthy and confident. You deserve a fulfilling love life. For years I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious, and pissed off. I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected, and abandoned. I just wanted a meaningful relationship and thought I was doing all the right things. But none of it was working. I knew I couldn't continue to repeat the same cycle with different men. Something had to change. I decided in that moment that I was going to finally work on healing my own wounds and work on myself, so that I could experience a beautiful and fulfilling relationship. I decided to put myself first. And now, with this podcast, I want to share with you the exact internal work strategies that I did to get to a place of confidence, peace, and worthiness. You can kiss ALL of your worries and limiting beliefs around love goodbye. Are you ready? Grab your favorite glass of wine and let's get to work, because it is time to reclaim your self worth babe. For more information about the podcast, or other ways you can work with me, visit: www.michellepanning.com I would love to connect with you more on social media! You can find me at: IG: @michellepanning Website: michellepanning.com

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Episode 236: The Beginner’s Guide to Shadow Work
2026/02/02
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationships, I break down what shadow work actually is, why so many self-aware women still feel stuck after years of healing, and how hidden parts of you quietly run your relationships, boundaries, and self-worth.Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself, it’s about understanding the parts of you that learned to people please, shut down, over-explain, or self-abandon to feel safe. I explain that these patterns weren’t random, they were survival strategies formed when love or safety felt conditional. This is why behaviour is never the real issue, triggers point to the core wound underneath, and insight alone isn’t enough to create change.This episode is about moving from managing your patterns to leading yourself, by building awareness, nervous system safety, and embodied action, so you’re no longer run by old fears of rejection or abandonment, and can show up in relationships from self-connection, safety, and confidence.WORK WITH MICHELLE:Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-womanSign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experienceCONNECT WITH MICHELLE:Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanningWebsite: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 235: How to Heal an Abandonment Wound
2026/01/26
In this episode of Unfck Your* Relationships*, I break down what an abandonment wound actually is, why most women aren’t truly healing it, and how it keeps running the show in relationships, even when you’re self-aware, educated, and have “done the work.” An abandonment wound isn’t about being needy or dramatic. It’s a nervous system injury formed through inconsistency, emotional unpredictability, and love that came and went. And more often than not, the deepest wound isn’t that people leave, it’s that you learned to leave yourself to keep connection. I unpack why triggers feel so intense, why panic isn’t about the present moment, and how self-abandonment shows up as over-giving, over-explaining, and staying in relationships that hurt because being alone feels worse. This episode is about shifting from managing your wound to actually healing it, by building self-connection, emotional safety, and a nervous system that no longer needs chaos to feel love. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 234: What Actually Happens When an Avoidant Realises They’ve Lost You
2026/01/19
In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, I break down what actually happens when an avoidant realises they’ve lost you and why this moment is so often misunderstood and romanticised. Avoidants don’t experience breakups the same way anxious or secure people do. Instead of immediate grief, they often feel relief as the fear of closeness shuts off. It’s only later when distractions stop working that the loss truly hits. I unpack the avoidant timeline, from the relief phase to the delayed grief, why breadcrumbing often follows, and why missing you does not automatically mean growth or emotional availability. This episode isn’t about getting them back. It’s about understanding the dynamic so you can stop waiting, stop self-abandoning, and start choosing secure love without needing someone else to realise your worth. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-womanSign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experienceCONNECT WITH MICHELLE:Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanningWebsite: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 233: 11 Habits That INSTANTLY Make You Hotter (that have nothing to do with looks)
2026/01/12
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I break down why attraction has very little to do with how you look and everything to do with how you move, respond, and relate to yourself. The most magnetic women aren’t performing for attention… they’re grounded, regulated, and deeply self-trusting. I’m sharing the 11 habits that instantly make you more attractive not in a “pick me” way, but in a secure, embodied, unf*ckwithable way that completely changes how you’re treated in relationships. Here’s what I unpack in this episode: • Why chasing kills attraction and what to do instead • How emotional regulation makes you magnetic • The power of silence, boundaries, and standards • Why honesty early builds connection • How staying connected to yourself changes love WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 232: If You Want 2026 to Be Different, Listen to This
2026/01/05
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationship, I break down the 26 lessons that quietly reshaped how I live, love, work, and stay devoted to myself. This isn’t about motivation or becoming someone new it’s about the standards, discipline, and self trust required to actually create a different year. These lessons span self trust, shadow work, relationships, embodiment, and devotion to the long game and they all anchor back to one truth a life that looks good but feels wrong is no longer an option.  Here’s what I unpack in this episode:  • Why discipline is self respect and how consistency changes your nervous system more than intensity ever will. • How to stop abandoning yourself in relationships by watching behaviour, not chasing clarity. • Why devotion to yourself not willpower is what actually creates lasting change.  This episode is an invitation to stop preparing for your life and start staying with yourself even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s how 2026 becomes different.  WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unfckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning  Website: http://www.michellepanning.com(http://www.michellepanning.com/)
Episode 231: Before You Enter 2026, You Need to Let This Version of You Go
2025/12/29
In this final episode of 2025 Unf*ck Your Relationships, I dive into why you can’t rush into goals, manifestations, or a “new version” of yourself without first allowing this year to fully complete. Before we talk about what’s next, we need to talk about what’s done because unfinished emotional cycles will follow you into the new year if you don’t consciously close them.  Here’s what I unpack in this episode:  • Why feeling tired doesn’t mean you failed and how fatigue often signals nervous system integration. • Why trying to become “her” keeps you disconnected, and how listening to your body, boredom, and resistance gives clearer direction. • Why closure is an inside job and how to stop bleeding energy into the past without needing apologies or one last conversation.  This episode is an invitation to let 2025 land, release what’s complete, and create the space required for what comes next.  WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unfckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman  Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning  Website: http://www.michellepanning.com(http://www.michellepanning.com/)
EP 230: You Haven’t Lost Your Spark
2025/12/22
EP 230: You Haven’t Lost Your Spark If you’ve been moving through life on autopilot, feeling flat, numb, or disconnected from yourself this episode is for you. Not because something is “wrong” with you… but because your nervous system is done carrying what was never meant to be permanent. Burnout isn’t a personality flaw. Losing your spark isn’t a failure. And this season isn’t here to punish you it’s here to wake you up. In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationships, I break down why so many women feel like they’ve lost their spark and why trying to “get back to the old you” is actually keeping you stuck. This isn’t about romanticising your life or forcing gratitude when you’re depleted. This is mindset + embodiment + shadow work the holy trinity. I walk you through the five shifts that actually bring your spark back every time by restoring self-trust, reclaiming your energy, and reconnecting you to your aliveness. Here’s a few things I unpack in this episode: Why Autopilot Is a Nervous System Response Burnout vs Self-Abandonment Why Productivity Is Killing Your Aliveness Pleasure, Play & Erotic Energy (Without Making It Sexual) You don’t need to find your spark. You need to stop abandoning yourself. And this episode shows you exactly how.  WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening  CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning  Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
EP 229: How to Make 2026 Your MOST Successful Year Yet
2025/12/15
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationships, we’re building the blueprint for your most grounded, self-led, and successful year ever. Not because the calendar magically fixes your life - but because you decide to show up as the woman who no longer drags old chaos into her new chapter. 2026 is a blank slate. A reset. A clean energetic line in the sand. And the version of you who thrives next year is built from identity, habits, emotional maturity, and standards… not “new year, new me” delusion. I walk you through the exact ways to anchor into self-belief, detox 2025 without spiralling into shame, rebuild your habits, upgrade your mindset, call in healthy love, and become the woman whose life reflects her standards - not just her Pinterest board. Here’s what I unpack in this episode: Claiming 2026 as Your Fresh Start Identity - Evidence Reflecting on 2025 Like a Grown Woman Habits That Match Your Goals Your 2026 Vision Intentionality Over Performance Expanding Your Comfort Zone The 1% Rule Big Dreams, Small Actions Protecting Your Energy Mindset Mastery Your Environment & Community Defining Success on Your Terms Progress Over Perfection Celebrating Every Win Reinvesting in Yourself Raising Your Standards in Love Breaking the Anxious/Avoidant Loop Shadow Work on Your Standards Embodying Your Worth Choosing Intimacy Over Chaos Becoming the Woman Who Lives Her Standards WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
EP 228: How to Enter Your DARK FEMININE ERA
2025/12/08
In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships*, we’re stepping into the most misunderstood and most misused part of feminine energy: the dark feminine. Not the TikTok version. Not the “manipulate him back” bullshit. The real dark feminine. The part of you that is bold, grounded, self-protective, deeply self-respecting, and absolutely unwilling to keep abandoning herself for crumbs. Most women are living 90% in their light feminine… the sweet, nurturing, soft version of themselves and then wonder why they feel drained, overlooked, over-giving, mothering grown men, and acting like the emotional support animal of their friendships. The truth? Your light feminine didn’t fail you. You were simply never taught how to access the other half of your power. In this episode, I break down how to awaken the dark feminine in a way that is empowering, not chaotic… liberating, not manipulative… and how she becomes the version of you that will literally save your fucking life. Here’s what I dive into: Light vs Dark Feminine Dark Feminine ≠ Manipulation Being Willing to Be the Villain Raising Your Standards Feminine Assertiveness Mystery + Moving in Silence Self-Devotion — Your Level-Up Era Integration — How to Activate This Today This episode is your permission slip to enter the era where you don’t just hope for better — you enforce it. Your dark feminine isn’t dangerous. She’s divine. And she’s been waiting for you. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
EP 227: How to Level Up So Fast It Feels Illegal
2025/12/01
In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, we’re diving into the identity level shifts required to level up so quickly it almost feels wrong. The truth? You’re not stuck because of timing, luck, or the men you date. You’re stuck because your nervous system is still wired for chaos, crumbs, and chasing and you keep choosing what’s familiar over what’s actually good for you. I break down the real reasons you keep looping in the same patterns and how to step into the version of you who doesn’t tolerate inconsistency, confusion, or emotional breadcrumbs. This is where your “Secure Her” identity gets built not from goals, but from standards, self-respect, and micro-moments of alignment. Here’s what I unpack in this episode: Why You’re Stuck It’s not the universe or bad luck. It’s the identity you’re operating from and the parts of you (anxious girl, avoidant girl, cool girl, little girl) running the show. Defining Your Next-Level Self Who is “Secure Her”? What does she tolerate? What becomes a hard no? And if the world was watching you 24/7… would you be proud? Meeting the Version of You Who Already Lives There The you with standards, follow-through, nourishment, rest, boundaries, and self-respect. What does she do that you’re not doing? What has she stopped tolerating? The Brutal Gap Check Where your life doesn’t match your mouth: who you text, who you sleep with, your friendships, your food, your sleep, and how you talk to yourself. Your results = your standards in action. Closing the Gap With Micro-Standards One small high-standard action per day. Don’t text him back. Go to bed earlier. Speak up. Walk away from what isn’t a match. Let your nervous system learn that it’s safe to be the new you. Expecting Backlash + Resistance Old friends will notice. Men who benefitted from your low standards will push back. Your inner child will panic because familiar feels safe. This is GOOD. Reframing the Discomfort “I’m not losing people I’m losing patterns.” “I’m not being dramatic I’m raising my standards.” “It’s not scary it’s new.” At the core, leveling up this fast isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to the version of you who was always there the one with discernment, self-trust, and standards that feel like a full-body yes. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 226: If your friends do any of these things, cut them out immediately
2025/11/24
Because here’s the reality: In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships*, we’re going deep into the truth about female friendships, support, and the energetics behind the women you keep around you. You cannot build a powerful life while surrounding yourself with women who are secretly competing with you, resenting you, or only “supportive” when you’re not doing better than them. And yet so many women tolerate friendships that drain them, make them shrink, or leave them feeling like they have to downplay their wins so someone else doesn’t get jealous. That’s not friendship. That’s scarcity disguised as connection. This episode is your reminder that you deserve women who CELEBRATE you, not tolerate you. Women who want to see you shine. Women who support your growth instead of being threatened by it. Because aligned friendships don’t cost you energy—they give you energy. Here’s what I unpack in this episode: Jealous Friends Come From Scarcity Why some women get triggered by your success, your confidence, or your joy—and why their reaction is actually about their own lack, not your shine. The Desire to Be Supported How wanting support is not “needy,” and how to consciously choose women who can hold you, cheer for you, and love you without competition. Friendships That Feel Like Celebration What it looks like to have women who genuinely want to see you win, and why being surrounded by expanders completely shifts your self-worth and standards. Energy Vampires & Dread Friendships The red flags of friendships you’ve outgrown, especially when you find yourself dreading seeing them, managing their emotions, or leaving the interaction drained. Why Upgrading Your Friend Circle Is Inevitable When You Grow The uncomfortable truth that not everyone gets to come with you when you rise… and how to release friendships with grace instead of guilt. At the core, this episode is about elevating your standards for the women you allow into your world. Because high-value women don’t keep people around who pull them back into smallness. They choose connection that feels grounding, reciprocal, celebratory, and safe. You deserve friendships that expand you—not friendships you need to recover from. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com (http://www.michellepanning.com/)
Episode: 225 How to RAISE YOUR STANDARDS and UPGRADE YOUR LIFE
2025/11/17
WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com (http://www.michellepanning.com/)
Episode 224: Life Lessons from a Recovering People Pleaser
2025/11/10
Okay, babe… let's talk about people pleasing, because this episode is me calling myself (and you) all the way out. For years, I thought being the "chill, supportive, easygoing" partner made me good. But in reality? I was just betraying myself over and over. I wasn't setting boundaries, I was building walls and then wondering why everything exploded when I finally snapped. I share the story of how I went from spending every damn Saturday house-hunting for someone else's dream home (that I wasn't even living in!) to realising I was overextending myself because I was scared to look "selfish." In this episode, I break down: The difference between having boundaries and just having preferences. Why your energy is sacred (and not everyone deserves access). How to stop rescuing grown-ass adults and hand their emotional baggage right back to them. What "proof over promises" really looks like in love and life. And why the only people pissed about your boundaries are the ones who benefited when you didn't have any. This is your permission slip to stop apologizing for protecting your peace. You can be kind and firm. You can be soft andstrong. You can be compassionate and say "no." Stop gaslighting your feelings just to make other people comfortable. If that makes you "too much," so be it. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 223: Stop Calling It Love…You're Just Abandoning Yourself
2025/11/02
In this episode of Unf*ck Your Relationships, I'm calling BS on the fluffy, feel-good version of "self-love." Because let's be real… bubble baths and affirmations don't fix years of self-abandonment. I get raw about my own story of being the "ultimate caretaker", the one holding everything together, doing the emotional labor, and calling it love. Spoiler alert: it wasn't love, it was survival. And it left me exhausted, resentful, and disconnected as hell. I break down what it really looks like to stop people-pleasing and start standing the f*ck up for yourself…even when it makes others uncomfortable. Here's what we get into: Why "acting single" in a relationship might be the healthiest move you ever make How to spot the sneaky ways you keep abandoning yourself What self-respect and emotional discipline actually look like (hint: it's not being the chill girl) The power of saying "no," sending the meal back, and owning your standards Why advocating for your needs is a flex…not a flaw How to rebuild self-trust and stop outsourcing your worth By the end, I'll remind you of one thing every woman needs to hear: No one's coming to save you, babe…you're the damn hero of your own story. It's time to stop settling, stop shrinking, and start showing up like the woman who knows exactly who she is. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com
Episode 222: How to Stop the Emotional Whiplash of Fearful Avoidance
2025/10/26
In this episode of Unfck Your Relationships, I dive into the fearful avoidant attachment style sometimes called anxious avoidant and the blind spots that come with it. This was once my dominant attachment style, and even now I can see how it still pops up in relationships. Unlike anxious or dismissive avoidants, the fearful avoidant flips between hyper-activation (all emotion, seeking closeness, reassurance, and validation) and deactivation (withdrawal, coldness, the "ick," detachment). This creates emotional whiplash for partners, leaving them unsure which version of you they're going to get. Here's what I unpack in this episode: Logic vs. Emotion – How fearful avoidants have access to both, but rarely integrate them at the same time. The Pendulum Swing – Why you may go from desperate for closeness one week to completely withdrawn the next. The "Lost Myself" Myth – Why feeling like you "lost yourself" in a relationship often just means hidden parts of you have been triggered. The Mask Crumbling – How the persona you've built (cool girl, caregiver, rescuer, strong independent woman) eventually cracks under stress, leaving you scattered and disconnected. The Integration Work – Using both emotion and logic as data, building authenticity, and leaning into micro-moments of vulnerability instead of extreme swings. Practical Tips – For anxious-leaning FAs: keep a scorecard of consistency and non-negotiables so you don't abandon yourself. For avoidant-leaning FAs: practice small disclosures and direct asks to build capacity for intimacy without shutting down. At the core, being a fearful avoidant isn't about shame, it's about learning integration, self-compassion, and balance. When you use both emotion and logic together, you can move toward secure love without the constant pendulum swings. WORK WITH MICHELLE: Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a course for the woman who wants to go from anxious & self-abandoning in relationships to secure, confident and unf*ckwithable: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out. These aren't just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD: https://michellepanning.com/awakening CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

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4.5 out of 5
233 reviews
★★★★★
AP Warrior Lady 2025/03/03
Empowering Content
I listen to this podcast often for the last two months and every time I listen I feel empowered and have a new sense of strength and lessons learned t...
★★☆☆☆
Julia Wonder 2025/06/30
Okay
The content is great but it felt like over 50 percent of the episode was just her trying to sell me a program. I obviously understand you have to prom...
★★★★★
andthatshowyoudothescarn 2025/02/14
Where have you been all my life
I listen while I’m training for my half marathon, golly I wish I found this earlier
★★★☆☆
Sushi lover 83 2025/02/26
Lotsa pitching
I really like this podcast but the promotion of coaching is way too much. Maybe at the beginning and a reminder at the end as a cta at the end but I’v...
★★★★★
mayalalalas 2025/02/11
reality check
this podcast literally smacked me in the face with reality and I LOVE IT!
★★☆☆☆
sonica_s 2025/02/14
Not it
I listened to a couple of episodes and maybe I didn’t give it enough time, but the sheer unacknowledged privilege that comes from this podcast is insa...
★★★★★
ssuummc 2025/01/24
I wish I could rate this podcast a million stars
I have shared this podcast with ALL of my friends. I found this podcast a month or two ago, I haven’t made it through all of the episodes but WOW. Mic...
★★★★★
Thaibodian 2024/12/21
Learn how to love yourself and listen to these episodes
I started listening to this podcast this month 12/2024 and have gone back to past episodes. I’m in that phase in my life to find self love self care a...
★☆☆☆☆
who8mycakes 2024/11/19
Unqualified and Shallow
Another unqualified podcaster masquerading as a therapist/life coach peddling shallow confirmation-biased advice. Nothing but trite platitudes and ove...
★☆☆☆☆
toxye 2024/11/16
All the things
The entire podcast is sponsoring her program, just episode and episode promoting it while not giving us any real advice BIG WASTE OF TIME
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