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In this episode, I'm digging into what might be underneath that "you just don't get it" reaction, from body image and fear of failure to grief, control, and the feeling that someone else is trying to make decisions about your body. Because sometimes, the eating behaviors we're trying so hard to change are serving a purpose we haven't fully understood yet. I'm also talking to clinicians about what to do when a client pushes back against advice that's technically correct. Spoiler: labeling someone noncompliant and moving on probably isn't going to get you very far. Quotes "You can't be talked out of doing something that's doing a job." "Having a reaction to something, whether it's rolling your eyes or writing it off or shutting down, doesn't mean that it makes it incorrect. It just means you're having a reaction and we can try to understand what it is." "Whether it's a plan you're not ready to see fail, the loss you haven't let yourself feel, the one place that you get to steer, or the last thing that's still yours to decide, the way that you eat is holding something for you, which is why a "lecture" bounces off." "And as long as it's still ahead of you, it's still possible. Anything is possible. You're full of hope." "Even when the advice is completely correct, doing it on someone else's timeline can really feel like losing the last thing that was yours to decide" "It's not just about delivering the information; it's understanding how the person is receiving it." "Don't argue with the advice, and don't just swallow it. Ask what just happened internally when you heard that sentence. Ask what it might be protecting." Frequently Asked Questions Why is it so hard to eat more when you have an eating disorder? Knowing that you need to eat more doesn't automatically make it easier to do. Fear of weight gain, body image concerns, and anxiety about changing familiar eating patterns can make eating more consistently feel overwhelming.   Why do I feel guilty after eating? Guilt after eating can be connected to food rules, body image concerns, fear of weight gain, or beliefs about what and how much you should eat. Exploring what those feelings mean to you can help you better understand your relationship with food.   How can I eat more consistently with an eating disorder? Eating more consistently often involves understanding what makes regular eating difficult, including fears around food, body image, and weight changes. Working with an eating disorder-informed clinician or dietitian can help you develop a plan that supports your nutritional needs and recovery.   How does body image affect eating disorder recovery? Body image concerns can make recovery challenging when eating more consistently feels connected to giving up a hoped-for body size or weight. Working through those fears and the grief associated with changing body expectations can be an important part of recovery.   Why do I resist advice even when I know it's right? Resistance can happen when advice feels threatening to something important, such as a sense of control, hope, independence, or ownership over your body. Understanding what your reaction might be protecting can help you explore the resistance instead of simply fighting against it.   What is the difference between restrictive eating and emotional eating? Restrictive eating involves limiting food intake, while emotional eating generally refers to eating in response to emotions. These experiences can overlap with other eating patterns, and neither label alone tells the whole story of someone's relationship with food or nutritional needs.   How can therapists help clients who resist eating disorder treatment? Therapists can explore a client's reaction with curiosity rather than immediately labeling it as noncompliance or avoiding the conversation. Asking what happened when the advice was offered, what felt difficult about it, and what the reaction might be protecting can help uncover barriers to recovery. Resources Sign up for my upcoming webinar: Foundations of Eating Disorder Treatment Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here!  Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    Related Episodes Episode 191. Why You Can Be Doing Everything Right and Still Feel Worse Episode 146. Caring Less About What Others Think Episode 120. Disordered Eating VS Eating Disorder, Which Is It? Episode 111. How To Eat When You Don't Feel Like It   Thank you to our sponsor! This episode includes paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.  Therapists, listen up! What if the right EHR could transform the way you run your practice and meet needs you didn't even know you had? With TherapyNotes, managing your practice gets a whole lot easier. It brings the tools you need together in one place, from customizable note templates and electronic claims to an integrated client portal and more.  And with TherapyFuel, their assistive AI suite, you can streamline time-consuming tasks with features for progress notes, session refreshers, and more, so you can spend less time catching up and more time focused on your clients. Plus, TherapyNotes Mobile brings the features you know and love right to your mobile device, so your practice can keep moving wherever your day takes you. Unlimited support, smart features, and flexibility on the go. Now that's practice management. Use code UDE to get your first two months of TherapyNotes FREE. Please note, this promotion is only valid for brand new TherapyNotes customers.  Sign up now! https://bit.ly/3Vyypvl Promo Code: UDE PS: I'm teaching Foundations of Eating Disorder Treatment in 60 Minutes on Thursday Oct 22 at 1pm ET on Zoom. If eating disorder cases keep landing on your caseload without training, this hour is for you. $49 individual, $129 for a whole practice, recording included. Details and registration. LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

That feeling of I'm not enough can show up in a lot of ways. In this episode, we're getting curious about what not feeling enough is actually telling you. Sometimes what you're jealous of isn't really the person, their body, their career, or their life. It might be the ease, confidence, connection, pride, or freedom you think they have.  And when we don't stop to figure that out, those feelings can get redirected into something else. For some people, that might mean restriction, bingeing, purging, compulsive exercise, or constantly promising that tomorrow will be the day they finally get it together. Quotes "One passing thought or even a variety of passing thoughts isn't a verdict on you." "This is like an urgency to it, and it's sort of like an urgency with this energy that has nowhere to go." "Jealousy or comparing or noticing something that you lack, that's all information in the direction that you would like to go, whether it's conscious or not." "A lot of people pursue restriction in the effort to feel like they have been good or good enough for the day." "In some senses, purging, fasting, exercise is a way to get rid of the feeling like I'm too much, which ironically is kind of the same thing as not feeling enough." "The promise to be better and then not following up on it is just sort of another manifestation of chronic insecurity, not feeling good enough." "The biggest question is what it's actually costing you and whether that cost matches what you say you want." "Once you name it, you'll notice it's not really about that other person, it's not really about you, and it's not even about not being enough. It's about the thing that you don't have." "I think that there is a lot of utility in being curious about what is the area in particular that I don't feel good enough, that I feel insecure, because that lets us know where we can actually make movement as opposed to just staying with affirmations stuck to our mirror that might not resonate." Frequently Asked Questions 1. Why do I always feel like I'm not good enough? Feeling "not good enough" can show up when you compare yourself to other people, a previous version of yourself, or the expectations you have for your life. The important question is what specifically feels lacking. Getting curious about that can help you identify what you actually want or need instead of simply criticizing yourself.   2. How does low self-esteem affect eating disorders? Low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy can become connected with eating disorder behaviors. The episode explores how the urge to feel "good enough" can sometimes get redirected into restriction, bingeing, purging, fasting, or compulsive exercise. These behaviors may provide temporary relief from difficult feelings without addressing what is underneath them.   3. Why do I compare myself to other people? Comparison can sometimes point to something you want or feel you are missing. Instead of stopping at "I wish I were like her," the episode encourages getting specific about what you are actually noticing, such as ease, confidence, connection, pride, or more room to breathe.   4. Can feeling insecure lead to disordered eating? It can be one way difficult feelings get redirected into eating disorder behaviors. The episode discusses how restriction, bingeing, purging, fasting, and compulsive exercise can sometimes function as ways to manage or escape feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, or being "too much."   5. Why do I feel like I need to change my body to feel good enough? Sometimes the desire to change your body becomes tied to a deeper belief that reaching a certain size, weight, or appearance will finally make you feel good enough. The episode challenges that connection by asking what you are actually hoping to gain from the change and what pursuing it may be costing you.   6. Is wanting to improve myself a bad thing? No. The episode makes an important distinction between wanting something different for yourself and becoming consumed by the belief that you have to change in order to be enough. Wanting to improve can provide useful information. The bigger question is whether the cost of pursuing that goal matches what you actually want from your life.   7. How can I stop feeling like I'm not enough? Rather than immediately trying to silence the thought, start by getting specific. Ask yourself what you believe another person, an earlier version of yourself, or an "ideal" version of you has that you want. It might be ease, connection, confidence, pride, trust, or something else. Once you identify it, you can begin thinking about how to build that thing in your own life.  Resources Sign up for my upcoming webinar: Foundations of Eating Disorder Treatment Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    Related Episodes Episode 211: The 2 Fears Running Your Eating Disorder (And Why They Contradict Each Other) Episode 198: People Pleasing and Eating Disorders Episode 105: The Root of Your Emotional Eating Episode 11:  Utilizing Curiosity to Develop Resilience and Eliminate Harmful Comparison with Jennifer Glass, LCSW   LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

When you hear the word bulimia, you probably have a picture in your head. And that picture can make it harder to recognize what's actually happening. We tend to have this very specific idea of what bulimia looks like, who has it, what purging means, and how serious someone has to be before their struggle "counts." Which is a problem, because a lot of people with bulimia don't look anything like the picture we've been given. In this episode, I'm getting into the parts of bulimia that are easier to miss. The purging behaviors that don't involve vomiting. The restriction that often gets overlooked. The shame that keeps people from telling the truth about what's happening. The dissociation that can happen during a binge. And the very real medical risks that can exist even when someone looks completely fine on the outside. Quotes "At a certain point it doesn't really matter what the name of the diagnosis is. If somebody is suffering from an eating disorder, whether it's called bulimia or other specified or whatever else they might be called still an eating disorder and still just serious enough to require treatment." "We as a treatment team community need to know when to ask more questions, when to be soft, when to push a little harder, and when to make space to be able to talk about shame." "Purging doesn't only mean self-induced vomiting." "The body can be carrying real acute risk while looking completely fine on the outside. It's not that it doesn't exist; it's just that it's sort of invisible to the naked eye." "There's this other less-paid-attention part of the issue, which is the restriction because the restriction is actually something that they like, so that's not really a problem." "One of the biggest pieces of bulimia is shame, and when we feel ashamed, we're not talking about it. So if there is any environment ever that can be created for this person to be able to identify feelings of shame and talk a little bit more explicitly with detail and honesty about what they're struggling with, that in and of itself is the treatment." "You don't have to check boxes in order to have suffering count as real." Frequently Asked Questions 1. Can you have bulimia if you are not underweight? Yes. People with bulimia can be in average-weight or higher-weight bodies. Body size alone cannot determine whether someone has bulimia.   2. What counts as purging in bulimia? Purging can include self-induced vomiting, laxative misuse, diuretics, enemas, fasting, and compulsive or excessive exercise used to compensate for eating.   3. Can excessive exercise be a form of purging? Yes. Exercise can function as a compensatory behavior when someone is using it to compensate for eating, such as feeling that they need to exercise because they ate a particular food or amount.   4. Is bulimia dangerous even if someone looks healthy? Yes. Bulimia can involve serious medical complications, including electrolyte imbalances and heart complications. Someone can look physically fine while still experiencing significant medical risk.   5. Why do people with bulimia hide their symptoms? Shame can make it extremely difficult to talk honestly about bingeing, purging, and other eating disorder behaviors. Some people may also minimize their symptoms because they don't believe their experience is serious enough to "count."   6. What is the relationship between restriction and bulimia? Restriction can be an important part of the binge-purge cycle. Someone may have significant food rules, limit their intake, cut out foods or food groups, or simply not eat enough, which can contribute to bingeing and subsequent purging.   7. Can you have an eating disorder without meeting the criteria for bulimia? Yes. The episode emphasizes that someone can have significant eating disorder behaviors and suffering without meeting every criterion for a specific diagnosis. The exact diagnosis does not determine whether someone's suffering is legitimate or whether they deserve treatment. Resources Sign up for my upcoming webinar: Foundations of Eating Disorder Treatment Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, Heather Ferguson is back, and we're taking that conversation a whole lot deeper. We're talking about what happens when we slow down enough to pay attention to what's happening in the body, how trauma can show up when someone doesn't have the words to explain what they're experiencing, and why recognizing the connection between trauma and an eating disorder doesn't automatically tell us how to support someone through healing.  Heather Ferguson, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst, faculty member, and supervisor at the Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity and the National Institute for the Psychotherapies. As a certified hypnotherapist and EMDR practitioner, she incorporates embodied techniques into her psychoanalytic work. She writes about eating disorder treatment, the role of intergenerational trauma transmission, and how embodied techniques can deepen psychotherapeutic engagement. Heather is co-editing a forthcoming book with Susan Klebanoff entitled Revisiting Ferenczi's Unwelcome Child in Turbulent Times. She maintains a private practice in New York City. There's a lot packed into this conversation, and honestly, I could have kept asking questions for another hour. So grab your headphones and listen to the full episode. Quotes "So many of our patients are in that hypoarousal, more dissociated, collapsed state with disordered eating, particularly those that are really disordered and are maybe underfed, that their sort of neocortex is not online, that their thinking brain is not fed enough, and they are kind of shut down." - Heather Ferguson "I think helping patients learn the sequence of what happens; An emotion, a feeling state, a sensation and maybe their own protective defenses that may be the shutdown neurobiologists talk about the dorsal response, the collapse." - Heather Ferguson  "And I should say that I also use my body as information." - Heather Ferguson "We have mirror neurons, right? We map empathically, and we often imagine and feel with our patients." - Heather Ferguson "EMDR is not magical; it's just intense." - Heather Ferguson "And I think to sort of indicate how it's ingenious, how there's so much shame, and you know this." - Heather Ferguson "Let's not forget. We don't have to always fix it." - Heather Ferguson "Everyone doesn't walk around with equal freedom and safety in their bodies." - Heather Ferguson "There's two versions of the stuckness. There's the person who stays in this almost intellectual place of, 'This is the body that I want. This is the body that I don't have.' And there's no amount of work or talking about it that's going to change that. Then there's a different version of stuck. They've identified their associations with poor body image. They understand how their history connects here, and then they're like, 'Okay, we've talked about it.' And they're still stuck." - Rachelle Heinemann Frequently Asked Questions 1. Can trauma cause an eating disorder? Trauma can be a significant risk factor for developing an eating disorder, although there isn't always a simple cause-and-effect relationship. Trauma can influence emotions, body image, self-esteem, and coping, and eating disorder behaviors may become a way of managing experiences that feel overwhelming.   2. What is the connection between trauma and eating disorders? Trauma and eating disorders can become closely intertwined. Eating disorder behaviors may temporarily help someone numb, avoid, control, or cope with difficult thoughts and feelings. Over time, those behaviors can become part of the cycle that keeps both the distress and the eating disorder going.   3. Can an eating disorder be a coping mechanism? Yes. Eating disorder behaviors can serve a purpose for someone, even when those behaviors are harmful. Restriction, bingeing, purging, or other behaviors may provide temporary relief from anxiety, difficult emotions, shame, or a sense of being out of control. Understanding what a behavior is doing for someone can be an important part of treatment.   4. How does trauma affect body image? Trauma can affect the way someone experiences and relates to their body. For some people, body dissatisfaction, shame, or attempts to change or control their body can become connected to difficult experiences. Body image can also be influenced by lots of other factors like social expectations and other lived experiences.   5. What is trauma-informed eating disorder treatment? Trauma-informed treatment considers a person's history and the ways trauma may influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationship with their body. It means creating space for that history without assuming every eating disorder has the same origin or that every client needs the exact same treatment approach.   6. Can you treat trauma and an eating disorder at the same time? Yes, trauma and eating disorders can be addressed through an integrated treatment approach. The timing and approach matter, especially when someone is actively struggling with eating disorder behaviors or is medically compromised. Treatment needs to be mindful not to do trauma work before they're ready.   7. Why is body awareness important in eating disorder recovery? Learning to notice sensations, emotions, and physical responses can help someone better understand what is happening internally and how that connects with their behaviors. For some people, this creates a bridge between intellectually knowing something and actually experiencing it in their body, which can be an important part of the therapeutic process. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

There are some questions that sound simple until you actually sit with them. This is one of those questions: "Can I work with a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders and also helps me lose weight?"  At first glance, it feels like a yes-or-no question. But underneath it is a much bigger conversation about recovery, autonomy, body image, health, medical advice, and the beliefs we've been taught about weight. In this episode, we're unpacking why this question is so complicated for both clients and providers, and why giving a quick answer often skips over the part that matters most. The real conversation usually isn't just about a referral. A question like this can come from many different places. Whether you're in recovery, supporting someone who is, or you're a clinician navigating these conversations, this episode will challenge the way you think about weight loss and eating disorder treatment. Quotes "Respecting the request and knowing what to do and what you end up choosing to do turns out to be two different things." "Questions always have something living underneath them." "The whole premise of eating disorder treatment is neutralizing your relationship with food." "When something feels intolerable... it says, 'I can't tolerate this feeling, so I need to manage it through food.'" "Neutralizing the relationship with food is almost impossible because there's always an outside agenda running every food choice." "There's a difference between someone whose health is genuinely at stake and somebody in real body image distress who just wants relief." "It isn't about getting it right or wrong. It's about opening up a conversation, opening up the exploration, and seeing what's there." "The referral is secondary. The conversation and the exploration is the primary." Frequently Asked Questions Can you lose weight during eating disorder recovery? There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. The more important question is why weight loss feels necessary. In eating disorder treatment, providers often explore what's driving the desire to lose weight before discussing referrals or treatment options. The conversation behind the request is often more important than the request itself.   Should someone with an eating disorder work with a weight loss dietitian? It depends on the individual's situation, but the episode explains why this isn't a simple yes-or-no decision. Before making a referral, it's important to understand whether the request is rooted in medical concerns, body image distress, or something else entirely.   Why is weight loss complicated during eating disorder treatment? Eating disorder treatment focuses on building a more neutral relationship with food rather than making food choices based on weight goals. When weight loss becomes the primary focus, it can make it difficult to separate food choices from external rules and emotional distress.   Can you pursue health and eating disorder recovery at the same time? The episode discusses how health concerns deserve thoughtful exploration rather than blanket assumptions. Some people have legitimate medical questions, while others are primarily seeking relief from body image distress. Understanding which situation applies is an essential part of treatment.   Why do people want to lose weight during eating disorder recovery? For some, the desire comes from concerns about physical health. For others, it's an attempt to escape the emotional pain of body image distress. Although the request may sound the same, the reasons behind it can be very different and deserve careful exploration.   What is the goal of eating disorder treatment? The goal is to develop a healthier, more neutral relationship with food by reducing reliance on rigid food rules and learning to make decisions based on internal needs rather than external pressures. This creates space for healing instead of continuing the cycle of using food to manage emotional distress.   What should therapists do when a client asks for weight loss during recovery? Instead of immediately saying yes or no, therapists can use the request as an opportunity to explore what's underneath it. The episode emphasizes that maintaining the structure of treatment while creating space for honest conversation often leads to more meaningful progress than providing a quick answer. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter!  Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

This week is the last of our summer throwback series. Next week, we will be back with an all-new episode. Until then, check out this vault episode. Originally aired as Episode 166, this vault episode takes an honest look at our relationship with exercise and movement, and why it can become far more complicated than it appears on the surface. For many people, movement stops being something that supports well-being and starts feeling like an obligation, a way to earn food, manage anxiety, maintain control, or even punish themselves. In this episode, we explore the warning signs of compulsive exercise, how movement can become intertwined with eating disorders and perfectionism, and what it means when skipping a workout feels emotionally unbearable. We also talk about the physical and emotional costs of staying stuck in that cycle and the first steps toward building a healthier, more flexible relationship with movement. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

This week, we are continuing with our summer throwback series. Originally aired as Episode 174, this vault episode explores a question many people ask: What's the difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder? The line isn't always obvious, especially in a culture where restrictive habits, food rules, and body dissatisfaction are often normalized. In this episode, I break down the key differences, the warning signs to watch for, and when seemingly "healthy" behaviors may be crossing into something more serious. Whether you're questioning your own relationship with food or trying to better understand a loved one's experience, this conversation offers practical guidance and reassurance. More than focusing on labels, we explore why the impact these behaviors have on your daily life is what truly matters. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

While we take a little summer break, we'll be rereleasing some of our most powerful and thought-provoking conversations, and this one tops the list. Originally aired as Episode 175, this conversation remains one of our most impactful discussions on what it truly means to recover from an eating disorder. In this vault episode, I sit down with renowned eating disorder therapist and author Carolyn Costin to explore one of the field's most debated questions: Is full recovery really possible? Together, we unpack what recovery actually looks like, how to strengthen the healthy self, and why hope exists even for those who have struggled for years. Carolyn also shares insights from decades of clinical experience, including her perspective on recovered clinicians, the evolution of eating disorder treatment, and the tools that have helped countless people move toward lasting recovery. Whether you're on your own recovery journey, supporting someone you love, or working in the eating disorder field, this conversation offers an encouraging and timeless perspective on healing. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, I'm talking about why orthorexia is one of the most misunderstood eating disorders, how wellness culture can quietly reinforce it, and why the biggest warning sign has very little to do with what's actually on your plate. Because when grabbing pizza with friends feels mentally exhausting, that's worth paying attention to. Quotes "The biggest problem isn't what you're eating. It's what happens when you can't follow the rule." "A life controlled by food rules is still a life controlled by rules." "Perfection can become a shield that keeps you trapped." "Movement can absolutely be good for you. The problem starts when you can't stop. When you can't take a rest day, skip a workout, or change your plans without feeling like everything is falling apart." "You don't have to be physically falling apart for your eating disorder to matter. The amount of mental energy spent calculating, avoiding, planning, and worrying is reason enough to take it seriously." "When everyone around you calls your eating disorder discipline, you're fighting more than the disorder itself. You're also fighting a culture that keeps telling you you're doing everything right." "The question isn't whether movement or certain foods are healthy. The question is whether your relationship with them leaves room for flexibility, rest, and actually living your life." "Perfectionism can feel protective. If you do everything exactly right, maybe no one can criticize you. Maybe no one can decide you're not enough. The problem is that eventually those rules start controlling you." "Sometimes the goal isn't eating a different food. Sometimes the goal is proving to yourself that you can break a rule and still be okay." "If going out for pizza takes more emotional energy than almost anything else in your week, that's worth paying attention to. The problem isn't the pizza. It's what the pizza represents." Frequently Asked Questions What is orthorexia? Orthorexia is an eating disorder that's centered around an unhealthy obsession with eating "healthy" or "clean." The food itself isn't the biggest issue. The problem is when your life becomes controlled by rigid food rules, anxiety around eating, and the fear of doing something "wrong." While orthorexia isn't currently a standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5, it is widely recognized by eating disorder professionals as a very real and serious condition.   How do I know if healthy eating has become an eating disorder? A healthy habit becomes concerning when it no longer feels like a choice. If skipping a workout fills you with guilt, eating at a restaurant causes intense anxiety, or your food rules make it difficult to enjoy everyday life, it may be more than simply wanting to eat well. The biggest sign isn't what you're eating. It's how much control the rules have over you.   What is the difference between orthorexia and anorexia? Both are restrictive eating disorders, but they often focus on different goals. Anorexia is typically driven by weight, body size, or fear of weight gain. Orthorexia focuses on the quality or purity of food and following strict health rules. That said, the two can overlap, and both deserve treatment and support.   Can exercise addiction be part of an eating disorder? Yes. Exercise becomes a concern when it feels impossible to take a day off or change your routine without overwhelming guilt or anxiety. It's less about how often you work out and more about your relationship with movement. If exercise starts controlling your schedule, mood, or decisions, it's worth paying attention to.   Why is orthorexia so difficult to recognize? Orthorexia often looks like healthy living from the outside. People may compliment someone's discipline, dedication, or healthy lifestyle without realizing those behaviors are driven by fear and rigid rules. Because the behaviors are frequently praised, many people struggle for years before recognizing there's a problem.   Can you recover from orthorexia? Yes. Recovery is possible. Treatment often includes creating more structure around eating, gradually challenging rigid food rules, and exploring the deeper patterns that keep those rules in place. The goal isn't to stop caring about your health. It's to build a relationship with food and movement that includes flexibility instead of fear.   Do you have to be underweight to have an eating disorder? No. People of every body size can have an eating disorder. You don't have to look sick for your struggle to be real. If food, exercise, or body image are taking over your thoughts, relationships, or daily life, you deserve support regardless of your weight. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, we're digging into the tension between wanting to be exceptional and wanting to be ordinary. We talk about why "normal" doesn't always mean what you think it does, how your eating disorder may be protecting you from desires that feel too risky to admit, and why feeling stuck often has nothing to do with food itself. Quotes "When average means stability, you want it. Of course, who wouldn't? When average means invisible, then we're terrified of it." "I'm exceptional because of my relationship to my body, my food, what I do with my food and my body." "Restriction tends to create the chaos that you're trying to avoid." "The eating disorder isn't just expressing the desires. It's actually protecting you from the risk of wanting them directly, admitting them directly." "The eating disorder keeps both desires alive, but completely frozen. Being frozen is not the same thing as being safe." "People can be exceptional and connected. People can be seen and feel safe. People can be ambitious and stable, and the either/or isn't in the wanting, it's what you learned at some point, the wanting could cost you."  Frequently Asked Questions Why do I want to be successful and invisible at the same time? It sounds contradictory, but it's actually incredibly common. Part of you wants to be seen, recognized, and appreciated for what you're capable of. Another part of you wants life to feel quiet, predictable, and safe. Those aren't opposite desires. They just become confusing when your brain starts believing that being noticed will cost you your sense of belonging or security. Recovery often means learning that you don't have to choose one or the other.   Why does my eating disorder make me feel special? For many people, an eating disorder becomes a place to measure worth. It creates an internal story that says, "I'm better because..." Maybe it's because you're more disciplined, more controlled, healthier, stronger, or more committed than everyone else. The specific behavior looks different for everyone, but underneath it often serves the same purpose. It gives you a way to feel valuable without having to ask directly for recognition or validation.   Why do I want to be normal but also stand out? The word "normal" doesn't always mean the same thing. Sometimes normal means peaceful, stable, and free from constant anxiety. Other times it feels like disappearing into the background and not mattering. That's why you can crave an ordinary life one minute and desperately want to be exceptional the next. You're responding to two completely different meanings of the same word.   Why does controlling food make me feel safer? Food often becomes something that feels manageable when everything else feels uncertain. It can create the illusion of stability during stressful or chaotic seasons of life. The problem is that while food rules may offer temporary relief, they rarely create the lasting sense of safety you're actually looking for. They often end up creating even more chaos over time.   Can the same eating disorder behaviors mean different things for different people? Absolutely. Two people can engage in the exact same behavior for completely different reasons. One person may be trying to become more visible, hoping they'll finally be noticed or praised. Someone else may be trying to disappear, feel less exposed, or protect themselves from unwanted attention. The behavior might look the same on the outside, but the purpose underneath can be completely different.   Why does recovery make me feel stuck between two different versions of myself? Recovery often asks you to let go of something that has been solving a problem, even if it wasn't solving it well. You may find yourself wanting a calmer, more grounded life while also worrying that you'll lose the parts of yourself that felt exceptional. Feeling pulled in both directions doesn't mean you're doing recovery wrong. It usually means you're starting to see the deeper beliefs your eating disorder has been carrying.   Can I be ambitious without letting my eating disorder define me? Yes. Wanting to achieve something meaningful isn't the problem. The question is whether your worth depends on achieving it. You can be ambitious, driven, creative, and successful without using your relationship with food or your body as proof that you deserve to be seen. Recovery isn't about becoming less motivated. It's about separating your value from the way you've learned to measure it. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, I'm talking about why that happens. We're looking at why body image can be so persistent, why all the things we often recommend are still worth doing, and why they sometimes only take us so far. More importantly, we're exploring what poor body image may actually be pointing toward. This conversation isn't about finding another body image tip or another affirmation to write on your mirror. It's about understanding why body image often becomes the place where deeper emotional experiences show up and what you can begin paying attention to instead. Quotes "It's all about your body, but it's not about your body at all."  "The body is where something else sort of has gone to live." "There is a difference between just sitting in the, 'I feel terrible' and organizing the inner experience." "It's not just I feel angry and I'm not allowed to, it's I feel guilty for taking up space, and I'm also not allowed to feel guilty about that because that itself is taking up space." "The body here isn't a separate problem, it's just the most concrete version of the problem that you're already having somewhere else." "Ultimately, the goal here is not necessarily to feel amazing all the time, it's to feel more organized, to understand it a little bit more, to have more context." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I still struggle with body image after doing all the "right" things? Because body image isn't always the actual problem. You can practice affirmations, wear clothes that feel good, and change the way you talk to yourself, and those things absolutely matter. They can make life feel a little easier. Sometimes, though, poor body image is carrying emotions that haven't had anywhere else to go. Until those emotions have a place to be understood, body image can continue to feel like the loudest part of the experience.   Can poor body image exist even if nothing triggers it? Yes. For some people, body image spikes after a comment, a photo, or a stressful interaction. For others, it doesn't need a trigger at all. It can feel like it's simply there when you wake up. That constant background feeling often points to something deeper than a single bad body image day.   Why don't affirmations fix my body image? Affirmations can be incredibly helpful, and they're worth using if they make things feel more manageable. They just aren't designed to resolve everything. If poor body image is connected to grief, shame, anger, or other emotions that haven't been processed, repeating positive statements won't automatically make those feelings disappear.   How are emotions connected to body image? Emotions don't stop existing because we ignore them. When they're difficult to identify or express, they often collect into one overwhelming feeling. For many people, the body becomes the place where all of that distress shows up. It's visible, familiar, and easy to focus on, even when the real struggle started somewhere else.   Why do I always feel overwhelmed by my emotions? Feeling emotionally overwhelmed doesn't always mean you're experiencing one giant, all-consuming emotion. More often, it's several emotions happening at the same time that haven't yet been identified. Anger, guilt, sadness, disappointment, and shame can blend together until everything simply feels terrible. Taking the time to name and separate those emotions doesn't make them disappear, but it helps your brain organize what you're experiencing, making it feel more manageable and easier to understand.   How can I improve my body image in a lasting way? Instead of asking only, "How do I feel about my body?" it can be helpful to ask, "What am I actually feeling right now?" Becoming more aware of your emotional experience, where those emotions came from, and what they're trying to communicate creates a very different starting point than trying to change your appearance or force yourself to think positively.   What's the goal if I never feel good about my body all the time? The goal isn't to feel amazing every day. It's to understand yourself a little better each time difficult feelings show up. As you become more familiar with your emotions, they become less confusing and less consuming. Over time, that can change the way you experience your body because you're no longer carrying everything in one overwhelming feeling.   Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

Have you ever finished a meal feeling completely full... and then kept eating anyway? I've had this conversation with so many people, and the conclusion is almost always the same: they think they're the problem. In this episode, I'm talking about why eating past fullness isn't a willpower issue. I explain how years of food rules and ignoring hunger can leave your body trying to catch up at the end of the day. I also break down what hunger actually feels like, because most of us were never taught to recognize the early signals. We learned to wait until hunger was screaming, then wondered why everything felt so out of control. Quotes "You are not failing at the solution. The solution is the problem." "A lot of people think that hunger has one volume. It's like a switch. It's either on or it's off, and it doesn't. It has a whole quiet conversation happening first, and we've only been trained to answer or listen when it is shouting." "Hunger, whether it's physical, metaphorical, in women has been treated as something to manage, to suppress, to overcome." "The whole thing repeats, but it doesn't necessarily feel like a pattern per se from inside. It just kind of feels like evidence, like proof that you can't be trusted around food." "The discomfort feels like you're doing something wrong, but you're not. It's just the rule loosening its grip." "We're starting earlier, feeding yourself earlier, not because you deserve it or it's a reward, but because your body needs it, and you're hungry, and you've been hungry for a really long time." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I keep eating even when I'm full? A lot of people assume this comes down to self-control. It usually doesn't. If you've been ignoring hunger all day, following food rules, or waiting until you're starving to eat, your body is trying to catch up. Eating past fullness isn't proof that you're broken. It's often a predictable response to spending too much time in a deficit.   Why can't I tell when I'm hungry? Your hunger cues probably didn't disappear. You just stopped treating them as information. Most people don't lose hunger overnight. They spend years pushing it aside until they only recognize the loudest signals. Hunger has a whole conversation before it's shouting, and learning to hear those quieter cues takes practice.   Why do I always overeat at night? For a lot of people, nighttime isn't the problem. It's where the problem finally shows up. If you've spent the entire day eating as little as possible, ignoring hunger, or trying to "be good," your body has been waiting for food all day.    What are the first signs of hunger? Most people expect hunger to feel dramatic. It usually starts much quieter than that. You might find yourself thinking about food more often, feeling a little less focused, noticing a slight drop in energy, or feeling a gentle emptiness in your stomach. Those are often your body's first attempts to get your attention.   Can dieting make it harder to recognize hunger? Yes. Dieting teaches you to trust rules more than your body. Instead of asking yourself if you're hungry, you start asking whether you're "allowed" to eat. After enough time, the rules become louder than your own hunger cues.   Should I wait until I'm hungry to eat? Not necessarily. If you're recovering from restrictive eating or years of dieting, your hunger cues may not be reliable yet. Eating consistently helps rebuild trust with your body. As that trust grows, your hunger cues usually become easier to recognize.   How do I stop overeating without creating more food rules? The answer usually isn't another rule. It's feeding yourself consistently enough that your body no longer feels like it has to make up for what it missed earlier in the day. As that sense of scarcity starts to fade, eating often becomes much less chaotic. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

The women who look like they have it all together are often the last ones to realize they're struggling. The woman who can successfully manage everyone else's needs somehow can't crack the code on her own relationship with food. In this episode, I'm talking about why high-achieving women are often more vulnerable, not less, to struggles with food, body image, and disordered eating. We'll unpack how perfectionism, discipline, ambition, and the constant drive for "more" can fuel success in one area of life while quietly creating problems in another. Quotes "The same voice that says, 'It's not enough. Not yet. Keep going' at work and at home is the same voice that's running your relationship with food." "The same discipline that gets you promoted, that grows your business, that makes you the mom that you are, is the same discipline that you apply to eating." "The ability to push through discomfort, the ability to ignore what your body needs to keep moving—it's the same exact skill, it's just a different arena." "One of the worst things to say in this situation is, 'Try harder. Add more discipline.' That is actually gonna be terrible advice because you have the most discipline. You are trying the hardest." "The discomfort is something that we don't necessarily have to solve. It's something that we have to increase our tolerance for." "The woman who has it all together doesn't think she qualifies. So that thought, 'This isn't quite me,' is exactly what we've been describing." Frequently Asked Questions Why do successful women struggle with food? Many high-achieving women rely on discipline, perfectionism, and pushing through discomfort to succeed in their careers, relationships, and daily lives. Those same traits can also show up in their relationship with food, leading to rigid rules, constant self-monitoring, and feelings of never doing enough.   Can perfectionism cause disordered eating? Perfectionism doesn't directly cause disordered eating, but it is a common contributing factor. When self-worth becomes tied to performance, achievement, or getting things "right," food and body image can become another area where perfectionistic standards take hold.   Why can't I stop thinking about food, even though everything else in my life seems fine? Constant food thoughts are usually your body doing exactly what it's designed to do when it's not getting enough. Restriction, whether that's skipping meals, cutting carbs, or just eating less than your body needs, puts food preoccupation on autopilot. It's a survival response, not a personality problem. For some people there's also a psychological layer on top of that: perfectionism or self-criticism that shows up around food because it's an easy, measurable target. But the first question worth asking isn't "what's wrong with me," it's "am I actually eating enough."   What are the signs of disordered eating in high-functioning women? Common signs include obsessive thoughts about food, chronic dieting, guilt around eating, rigid food rules, body dissatisfaction, difficulty trusting hunger and fullness cues, and feeling like food takes up more mental space than it should—even while appearing successful and put-together on the outside.   Why doesn't more discipline fix my relationship with food? For many high-achieving women, discipline isn't the problem—it's often part of what keeps the struggle going. Adding more rules, restrictions, or self-control can reinforce the cycle rather than resolve it. Healing often requires greater flexibility, self-awareness, and emotional tolerance.   How are perfectionism and body image connected? Perfectionism creates an internal standard that is often impossible to meet. As a result, many women focus on perceived flaws instead of recognizing their strengths, leading to ongoing body dissatisfaction regardless of their actual appearance or accomplishments.   How do I stop feeling like I'm never enough? The honest answer is that you probably won't stop it by trying to fix the feeling directly. "Not enough" thinking usually isn't the problem itself, it's a symptom of something underneath it, often a story that got built early on about what you had to be or do in order to be loved or safe. Chasing the feeling away with more achievement or more self improvement just feeds the same system that created it. What actually shifts things is slowing down enough to ask where that voice came from and what it's protecting you from, instead of immediately trying to silence it or prove it wrong. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, I'm talking about why so many attempts to change your relationship with food seem to fizzle out, even when you're motivated and genuinely want things to be different. Because constantly starting over doesn't mean you're lazy, uncommitted, or missing some magical piece of information. We're digging into the deeper reasons certain behaviors stick around, what they may actually be doing for you, and why curiosity is often far more helpful than criticism.  This conversation goes beyond meal plans and motivation and gets into the questions that most people never think to ask. Quotes "We don't lead with the question, what do we do about this? We lead with the question, what is this actually all about? It's the question that changes everything when someone is really willing to look at it, because the answer is usually not what you think it is." "Most of us are so focused on fixing the behavior that we haven't stopped to ask what the behavior is doing." "The reason change feels so hard isn't because you're weak; it's because something would have to be given up if you changed. Meaning, if the behavior is protective in some way, shape, or form, it's providing something for you." "You don't need to know the answer yet. The key is starting to think about this and removing the blame that we're pointing at ourselves and starting to ask questions." "Sometimes this isn't something that you can do alone, and that's where you might need a real person like a therapist or a dietician. Sometimes we need people who can see the patterns that we're too close to see." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I keep failing when I try to change my eating habits? Repeatedly struggling with food does not necessarily mean you lack motivation or discipline. Many behaviors serve a purpose, and understanding what they are providing can help create lasting change.   Why do I sabotage myself around food? What feels like self-sabotage is often a protective pattern. Behaviors around food may be helping you cope with emotions, stress, shame, or fear, even when those behaviors are no longer serving you well.   Why is giving up dieting so scary? For many people, dieting feels tied to safety, control, belonging, or fear of weight gain. Letting go of those rules can bring up emotions and beliefs that deserve attention and support.   What does fear of weight gain really mean? Fear of weight gain often goes beyond the number on the scale. It can be connected to shame, past experiences, fears of rejection, or beliefs about worth and acceptance.   Why do I feel stuck between wanting recovery and wanting to stay the same? Feeling pulled in two directions is called ambivalence, and it is a normal part of recovery. Having conflicting feelings does not mean you're doing anything wrong.   Does structured eating help with disordered eating? Structured eating provides consistency and helps create a foundation for healing. Many people benefit from eating regularly throughout the day rather than relying on hunger cues alone in the early stages of recovery.   Do I need a therapist or a dietitian for eating disorder recovery? Support can be helpful when you're too close to your own patterns to see them clearly. A therapist or dietitian can help you understand what is driving your behaviors and provide practical tools for recovery. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    Episodes Mentioned: -Episode 45. Basics of Intuitive Eating -Episode 122. Ozempic, Wegovy, & Mounjaro with Laura Cipullo -Episode 133. GLP with Dr. Kim Dennis -Episode 160. Intuitive Eating Updates You Need to Know with Elyse Resch MS, RDN, CEDS-C, Fiaedp, FADA, FAND   LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]

In this episode, I'm talking about a question that sounds simple but can feel surprisingly hard to answer: What are you actually hungry for? Not in the physical sense, but underneath all of the eating, the urges, the restlessness, and the feeling that something is missing. We're exploring why so many of us learned to disconnect from our wants and needs, how food became the safest and most reliable answer, and why recovery sometimes starts with a question instead of a solution. If you've ever felt like there's something deeper going on but you can't quite name it, this conversation is for you. Grab your coffee, head out on your walk, or hide in your car for a few uninterrupted minutes. Then press play and listen to the full episode. Quotes "When everything else feels kind of murky and vague or far away or impossible to ask for, food is literally right there." "The thing about suppressing any kind of hunger, whether it's literal or metaphoric, is that it doesn't disappear." "You're not eating because you want food, you're eating because you're hungry." "The food happens to be the only thing that you're allowed to answer this particular question of what am I hungry for without negotiating, justifying, or making yourself smaller." "Giving yourself the capacity to have the question and let the question hang out for a little bit is in and of itself what we're talking about." "I think the question of 'What are you hungry for?' is probably the hardest question in this entire work of eating disorder recovery. Mostly because we've spent so long making sure we didn't have to ask it. You do not need the answer yet. You just need to start wondering." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I eat when I'm not hungry? Many people eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger. Stress, loneliness, exhaustion, boredom, and unmet emotional needs can all contribute to eating when your body does not need food. Emotional eating is often a signal that something deeper is asking for attention.   What is emotional hunger? Emotional hunger refers to the desire for comfort, connection, relief, or distraction rather than physical nourishment. Emotional hunger can feel urgent and is often linked to feelings, stress, or unmet needs.   Why do I binge eat at night? Nighttime binge eating is common because many people finally slow down at the end of the day. Emotions, stress, loneliness, exhaustion, or restriction that were pushed aside throughout the day often become harder to ignore in the evening.   Can emotional eating be a sign of unmet needs? Yes. Emotional eating can sometimes reflect deeper needs such as rest, connection, intimacy, support, purpose, or the desire to feel seen and understood. Food may become the most available way to cope when those needs go unrecognized.   How do I know if I'm physically hungry or emotionally hungry? Physical hunger tends to come on gradually and is satisfied by eating. Emotional hunger often feels sudden, urgent, and may persist even after eating. Learning to pause and ask yourself what you are truly needing can help you distinguish between the two.   Why do I struggle to know what I want? Many people have spent years prioritizing others, suppressing emotions, or disconnecting from their own needs. Relearning how to identify what you want and need is a skill that develops over time and is an important part of healing.   Is emotional eating normal? Yes. Emotional eating is a common human experience. Everyone uses food for comfort at times. Problems arise when food becomes the primary way to cope with emotions or when eating patterns create distress and interfere with daily life. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat!   Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    Episodes Mentioned: -Episode 73. Food and Desire with Dr. Judith Brisman   LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at [email protected]