Advertise on podcast: LOVERS by shan

In this episode of Lovers, therapist Kier Gaines shares a personal and professional reflection on how resentment builds when men are taught to silence their emotional truth. Kier opens up about a pivotal moment in his own relationship, when he realized that his partner’s tone was hurting his feelings, and that his fear of naming it, out of concern that he would sound “effeminate” or not man enough, was quietly turning into resentment. What started as self-protection slowly became emotional distance, until he reached a breaking point where honesty felt less risky than staying silent. Together, we unpack how masculinity norms shape emotional expression, why unspoken hurt often masquerades as resentment, and how learning to articulate emotional impact can transform intimacy rather than threaten it. This conversation explores the cost of swallowing feelings, the courage it takes to speak before resentment hardens, and what becomes possible when men allow themselves to be emotionally legible in their relationships. This episode isn’t about blame or tone-policing. It’s about emotional responsibility, relational repair, and the freedom that comes from finally saying the thing you were afraid would make you sound weak.  If you wished this episode is longer and you could hear more about Kier Gaines   Is My Relationship Healthy Quizhttps://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/the-relationship-check-in  Follow Kier GainesInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/kiergaines  TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@kiergaines  Twitter/X → https://twitter.com/kiergaines  YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@KierandNoemie  Official Website → https://www.kiergaines.com  Course Words That Connect → https://kier-gaines.mykajabi.com/wordsthatconnect Want more Lover?Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, Higher Learning host and former Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay shares the deeply personal story of what it was like to experience intimacy both sexually and emotionally for the first time after divorce. After nearly a decade of being with only one partner, that she met while being the Bachelorette, Rachel walks us through the fears, emotions, and expectations she carried into that moment, from questions of safety and vulnerability to the quiet pressure of “doing it right” after such a long chapter had closed. She reflects on what that experience taught her about trust, desire, and emotional presence, and how those lessons reshaped her understanding of intimacy moving forward. Though she isn’t with the person from that first post-divorce experience, Rachel shares why she remains grateful for what it revealed about her needs, her boundaries, and her capacity for connection. She also opens up about how those insights are influencing the relationship she’s in today, offering a grounded, honest look at what intimacy can become after loss, change, and reinvention. This conversation isn’t about sex for shock value. It’s about safety, growth, and learning how to meet yourself again after everything you thought you knew about love has shifted. ———Follow Rachel LindsayInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/therachlindsay/  YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@HigherLearning  Podcast — Higher Learning with Van Lathan & Rachel Lindsay → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/higher-learning-with-van-lathan-and-rachel-lindsay/id1515152489  Official Website → https://www.rachellindsayofficial.com/  Rachel’s Book — Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, And A Few Hard Truths → https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57895042-miss-me-with-that?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=vFiuBJ3vpY&rank=1  Want more Lover?Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of Lovers, I’m joined by my husband Jared Brady to tell the story of the exact day we decided to call our relationship an open relationship. Want to take the Relationship Style quiz I mentioned in the episode? Click HEREhttps://www.loversbyshan.com/quizzes In this episode, Shan Boodram and Jared Brady share intimate details from the early days of their relationship that led to them choosing to label their love as an open relationship. If your first reaction to “open relationship” is “so… cheating?” you’re not alone, and this conversation is also for you. Cheating isn’t about a specific behavior, it’s about breaking the rules of the relationship you agreed to play by, which is why it’s important to clearly define YOUR rules together.  This episode explores why people seek structured relationships even without exclusivity, what commitment actually looks like when it isn’t defined by romantic restriction, and how accountability, emotional safety, partnership, and love can exist outside traditional scripts. This isn’t an episode about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It’s about clarity, consent, and understanding why the rules matter more than the label. MasterClassHave you taken my MasterClass yet? New subscribers get access to my class and hundreds of others starting at $10 per month. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at masterclass.com/lovers. Follow JaredInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbradyYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA Want more Lover?Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Conflict is inevitable in long-term relationships. Damage doesn’t have to be.In this episode, we explore what actually separates fights that bring couples closer from fights that quietly turn lovers into enemies. We talk about the moment arguments go sideways, why so many conflicts feel bigger than the issue at hand, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they fundamentally disagree.Our guest, Touré Neblett, draws on decades of navigating high-stakes, contentious conversations both publicly and privately to share what he’s learned about emotional regulation, repair, and conflict inside a long-term marriage. This conversation focuses on how disagreement can exist without contempt, and how learning to fight differently can fundamentally change the trajectory of a relationship.Follow TouréWebsite → https://toure.com Toure Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/toureshow/ Instagram YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo-SwvkGbQgDt3oXfASPPJQ youtube.comPodcast → Touré Show (Apple/Spotify) Books → Who’s Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now; I Would Die 4 U: Why Prince Became an Icon; Soul City; Never Drank the Kool-Aid; The Portable Promised Land; Nothing Compares 2 U (available on Amazon and major booksellers)Want more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Did you know, in 2023, more than 39,000 people were diagnosed with HIV in the United States and six territories, with Hispanic and Black individuals each accounting for more than a third (Source. CDC)In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with Jonathan Van Ness for a conversation about receiving an HIV diagnosis, the years he kept it private, and the moment he decided he wanted the story to come from him. Jonathan shares what it felt like to catch himself holding back during interviews, how choosing to speak changed his relationship with his own truth, and the sense of relief that followed once he stopped protecting something that shaped so much of his life.They also talk about the realities of HIV today, why knowing your status matters, and how tools like PrEP fit into the larger picture of staying informed and reducing stigma.Follow Jonathan Van NessWebsite → https://jonathanvanness.com/Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jvnYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/jvnJVN Hair → https://jvnhair.com/Podcast → https://jonathanvanness.com/podcasts/Books → https://jonathanvanness.com/books/Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RYU, our little munchkin just turned FIVE!And while Thanksgiving week is here, Jared and I felt like it was the perfect moment to sit together and talk about being parents. Somewhere between the sleepless nights, tiny victories, meltdown moments, and unexpected laughter, Ryu taught us something surprising: sometimes, love is giving someone your dirty socks.(It’s her quote, and honestly… she’s not wrong.)Together, we explore:✨ How becoming parents reshapes the way you love and the way you’re loved✨ The unexpected emotional cost and reward of raising strong-willed children✨ A reflection on why we are the way we areA conversation for anyone navigating love, partnership, and the wild joy of raising tiny humans.—⭐ Follow JaredInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/?hl=enMusic MondayYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKVWwEy39GLNzKXXt9v46TA⭐ Want more Lovers?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with singer and songwriter Sabrina Claudio for a conversation about heartbreak, loneliness, friendship, and the lessons that shaped her new album.Sabrina talks openly about how loneliness can quietly influence decisions, including staying in relationships that feel draining. She shares what it was like to feel isolated even while partnered, why she struggled to speak up about what she was going through, and how she eventually chose to walk away. We also explore the idea of emotional detox, the feeling of carrying someone long after the relationship ends, and the moment she realized she needed to release what was weighing her down.If you have ever tried to heal while still holding on, or wondered why connection sometimes feels complicated, this conversation offers insight and companionship.Referenced in this episode: Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory — the idea that our development is shaped by multiple layers of environment (from family + friends all the way to culture + society).Follow Sabrina ClaudioSabrina’s short film Fall In Love With HerInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/sabrinaclaudioTwitter → https://twitter.com/sabrinaclaudioYouTube → https://www.youtube.com/c/SabrinaClaudioWebsite → https://www.sabrinaclaudio.coWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comReceive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this intimate London-based episode of LOVERS, Shan sits down with the legendary storyteller and pleasure educator Seema Anand, the woman who transformed shame into sacred power.From being judged and silenced for her fascination with the Kama Sutra to becoming its most celebrated modern interpreter, Seema shares how self-love became her act of rebellion. Together, we talk about:✨ Growing up rebelling against libertine attitudes and then discovering Tantra✨ The link between shame, sensuality, and self-expression✨ Why women still feel guilt for wanting pleasure✨ The truth behind the Kama Sutra’s ancient wisdom✨ How to fall in love with yourself — unapologetically in your sixties or at any ageThis episode was inspired by our collaboration jewelry line KAMA, created to remind women to prioritize pleasure — in bed and beyond. Each piece is designed to honor the art of connection and confidence. In collaboration with Surmeyi, our Käma collection celebrates women’s bodies as inseparable from nature, and pleasure as the invisible force balancing the universe. Get your jewelry today:💎 The entire KAMA jewelry line is now back in stock for the holidays. Shop the collection: https://surmeyi.com/kamaAlso Seema’s brand new book Speak Easy is now available for preorderhttps://www.amazon.in/Speak-Easy-Field-Longing-Intimacy/dp/9361319337Interested in getting expert help spicing up your intimate life? Learn more about Arya, the couples subscription service that helps you make breaking the routine your new and exciting routine. Everyone is a lil kinky, and we all need help discovering ours - let Arya do all the hard work so you can focus on the fun part.http://arya.fyi/shanWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Ro for sponsoring this video. Connect with a provider at https://ro.co/lovers to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you.In collaboration with Seema Anand and Surmeyi, our Käma collection celebrates women’s bodies as inseparable from nature, and pleasure as the invisible force balancing the universe. Get your jewelry today:https://surmeyi.com/collections/kama -----Sacred, spicy, and still timeless — we had to bring this one back.Shan sat down with artist Tanerélle to dive deep into the world of sacred sexuality and conscious intimacy.Sacred sexuality is more than physical pleasure; it’s an intentional way of connecting through energy, presence, and deep emotional awareness. From gentle touch and stillness to moments of shared breath and meditation, it invites a kind of connection that transcends the body and opens the heart.This mindful practice can lead to profound release, heightened pleasure, and a fuller experience of intimacy, from multiple or non-ejaculatory orgasms for men to expansive, layered sensations for women.Plus, Brenden Durell joins to guide a special class in the LOVERS community. We go over sacred sexuality and breathwork, a transformative session on presence, connection, and embodied pleasure.Follow Taneréllehttps://www.instagram.com/tanerelle/  Follow BrendenInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendendurell/Website: https://brendendurell.com/ Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Calm your mind. Change your life. Try Calm by heading to https://calm.yt.link/2lLJh1b. ————————This week, Shan sits down with Grammy-winning artist Chrisette Michele opens up about being diagnosed with autism as an adult and the way that revelation helped her understand her rhythm, her relationships and what safety really means for her. She shares how music became one of the few places that always made sense, how her mom stood by her through the unknown, and how she finally began to remove the mask and meet herself.Later, we bring in expert Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC, founder of Autism in Black, Inc., to guide a deeper conversation around autism, neurodivergence, intimacy, and how we show up for those we love.Whether you’re neurodivergent, in a relationship with someone who is, or simply want to deepen your understanding, this episode invites you to explore how love, safety, and authenticity coexist.Follow Chrisette Michele:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisettemichele/ Website:chrisettemichele.comFollow Maria Davis-Pierre & Autism in Black:Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/autisminblack/ Website: https://www.autisminblack.org/Sign up for the 5th Annual Autism In Black ConferenceVirtual or In-Person Attendance: https://funnel.autisminblack.org/2025-autism-in-black-registration-page?aff=Christina-SchmidtWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Function Health for sponsoring this video! Visit https://functionhealth.yt.link/Eug9eKx or use code LOVERS100 at sign-up to own your health. The first 1000 get a $100 credit toward their membership.————————In her mid-30s, Chy Fontenette from Behind the Likes podcast finds herself facing what feels like a full-life reset: a breakup she didn’t choose, friendships shifting as she starts setting boundaries, and a growing awareness of the pain she’s carried for years. Through tears, honesty, and reflection, Chy admits she doesn’t know what’s next,  and Shan reminds her that she’s doing the most important thing of all: staying with herself through it.This episode is for anyone in that place where everything hurts and nothing feels certain. Shan offers tangible guidance on how to move through the fog, from becoming an archaeologist of your own life (digging up the moments you felt love and success before) to remembering Steve Jobs’ wisdom that you can’t connect the dots looking forward, only backward.The message is simple: you can’t rush this part. But if you keep caring for yourself, one day you’ll look up and realize, your life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.Follow Chy Fontenette! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chy.f/Listen to her podcast “Behind the Likes”: https://www.behindthelikespodcast.com/Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are relationships supposed to be THIS Hard?This week on LOVERS, Shan sits down with Glen and Yvette Henry, the couple behind the viral family brand Beleaf in Fatherhood.Glen, known as Beleaf, has a new book coming out titled Father Yourself First, which challenges men to approach fatherhood as a path of healing, self-awareness, and personal accountability.In this conversation, Glen and Yvette open up about how hard marriage can be, especially after kids, success, and faith transitions. From getting married young to raising four children and growing a public platform together, they’ve faced nearly every challenge that tests a couple’s foundation.If you’ve ever wondered, “Is marriage supposed to be this hard?”, this episode is for you. It’s a raw and honest reminder that struggle doesn’t mean failure, it means growth.✨ Preorder Glen’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555 📺 Watch their YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@BeleafInFatherhood 🎧 Listen to their podcast “How Married Are You” https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.com/ Want more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Trigger Warning: This conversation includes a deeply personal story shared by André Holland, including a moment when someone he had affections for used a racial slur toward him. Listener discretion is advised.What happens when a core memory rewrites the story of how we see ourselves in love? In this week’s LOVERS episode, Shan sits down with actor André Holland to explore the pivotal memory that shaped his belief that he was never “good enough” as himself—and that he had to become someone “better” to be loved.They unpack how these deeply rooted emotional imprints steer our relationships—sometimes helping us, but often holding us back. André’s story reveals how early wounds can guide not just who we choose, but how we let love in.Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is a powerful guide to: uncovering the underlying stories behind your intimacy rewriting beliefs that no longer serve you opening the door to deeper, more authentic connection 🎬 About Love, BrooklynWant more from André Holland? Be sure to check out his new film, Love, Brooklyn now playing in theaters. It will be available for streaming too!  Stay up-to-date and follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovebrooklynmovie/For more on André be sure to follow him on Instagram: http://instagram.com/andrehollandWant more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To get 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp, visit http://betterhelp.com/loversbyshan. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode!—This week, I interview Lilly Singh, actor and history-making content creator, with a new movie RIGHT up our alley: Doin’ It (yes it’s a movie about sex, specifically what happens when a South Asian virgin is assigned to teach sex ed). In this episode Lilly opens up about growing up in a world where emotional chaos felt familiar, why she kept gravitating toward toxic partners who gave her the bare minimum, and how she’s now doing the inner work (therapy, inner child healing, setting boundaries) to protect “little Lilly.”In this conversation, we explore how past wounds shaped her romantic choices, and how she’s rewriting that story one day at a time.🎬 About Doin’ ItYou can catch “Doin’ It” in select theaters or pre-order the film on Apple, Amazon, and Fandango to watch it at home as of October 7.For more information visit doinitmovie.com 🔗 Follow Lilly Singh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lilly Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/LillyGrab her bestselling book Be a Triangle → https://www.lillysinghbook.comWant more Lover? Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you to Ro for sponsoring this video. Connect with a provider at https://ro.co/lovers to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you.-----What happens when you realize the best sex of your marriage only shows up on vacation?Award-winning journalist, author, and podcaster Jemele Hill joins Shan for a conversation about how she uncovered the connection between stress, rest, and desire in her own marriage. She shares why her husband seems to get luckier when they’re away, how that awareness has deepened their relationship, and what it taught her about the balance between ambition, partnership, and intimacy.This episode is for my overachievers who struggle to “do it all,” for the happily partnered (or hoping-to-be), and for anyone who’s ever wondered how to bring that vacation spark back home.Together, Jemele and Shan break down:- Why “having it all” is a myth (and the price women pay for chasing it)- How silence around stress robs intimacy, and what to do instead- What “fair trade” in the home has to do with mutually desirable sex- Practical ways to bring vacation sex energy into everyday life🔗 Follow Jemele HillInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jemelehill/Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/jemelehillWant more Lover?Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.comGet a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.