Advertise on podcast: Learning To Say Goodbye

When adults don't explain death, children explain it to themselves. And they rarely get it right. They decide it was their fault. That it might be catching. That if they are very, very good, it won't happen again. This week I'm joined by Dr Robin Goodman - psychologist, art therapist and one of the most respected voices in childhood grief and trauma - for a conversation about what children actually need from us when someone dies. How they understand death at different ages. Why there is always an honest version. What to do when grief shows up as tantrums, or as suspiciously perfect behaviour. And why the parents who worry most about getting it wrong are usually the ones already getting it right.

For most of human history, ritual shaped the rhythm of our lives. It helped us mark beginnings and endings, honour milestones, and make sense of the changes that quietly reshaped us. Rituals rooted communities, offered language for moments beyond words, and created a shared understanding of what it means to move through life together. Somewhere along the way, many of us drifted from these practices - or were never taught how to create them in the first place. And yet, especially in grief and in moments of transition, we feel their absence. In today’s episode, I’m joined by Megan Sheldon - cultural mythologist, humanist celebrant, end-of-life doula, and co-founder of Be Ceremonial, the world’s first guided ritual and ceremony app. Megan has created hundreds of ceremonies for people around the world, honouring what she calls the “seemingly invisible moments of change” - pregnancy loss, organ transplants, menopause, living funerals, death anniversaries, and so many others. We talk about why ritual matters, how it supports us at the end of life and long before it, and how simple, intentional acts can help us meet grief with presence and meaning. Megan also shares insights from her work in North Vancouver, where she leads workshops, virtual courses, and retreats - and where, when she’s not crafting ceremonies, she’s swimming in the sea or wandering the rainforest with her husband Johan and their two daughters. It’s an expansive, grounding conversation about remembering what we’ve forgotten - and reclaiming ritual as a human inheritance.

When was the last time you thought about your own death - not the medical decisions leading up to it, but the moment of death itself and what follows in the hours, days, and weeks afterward? In this episode, we explore what happens after the last breath. We talk about after-death care, the options available to us, and why planning for this phase matters just as much as advance medical directives. Far from being morbid, these conversations can bring clarity, ease the burden on loved ones, and help us live with greater intention. I’m joined once again by my friend Garrick Colwell, a certified grief educator, hospice volunteer, and co-founder of Kitchen Table Conversations, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering families to engage in meaningful end-of-life and advance-care planning discussions. Together, we unpack what after-death planning really means and how approaching it with care and openness can be a profound act of love.

What is the best way to show your love to the ones closest to you?  Now, if you have been following this podcast for a while, you know that I am not talking about romantic gestures here, we are not talking roses and gifts, romantic dates or surprises (even though we all love them obviously). No, I am talking about the end of life. And the best gift you can give your loved ones is a plan for the end of your life. When death is near, the people around you are already carrying so much - fear, anticipatory grief, exhaustion, and love all tangled together. What end-of-life planning does is remove uncertainty. It spares them from having to guess. It frees them from making impossible decisions in moments of shock or crisis. It allows them to simply be with you - present, connected, loving - instead of overwhelmed by logistics and doubt. Planning is not about control. It’s about care. And here’s something I’ve learned through my work: what matters most to you about living is the clearest guide to what will matter most to you when you are dying. The way you define dignity, comfort, autonomy, faith, family, or legacy in life is the same language your dying will speak. End-of-life planning is really an act of listening — listening to your own values, your fears, your hopes — and then translating those into clarity for the people you love. In this episode, we’re going to talk about why planning ahead is not morbid, not pessimistic, and not giving up. It is one of the most profound expressions of love there is.

I was sitting with my mother when she passed. It was not the kind of death I would have wished for her. She was under palliative sedation, which took away all opportunities to have those final words, those final goodbyes. She seemed without pain, which was a blessing, but it was not easy to watch. I often thought about how much suffering we let our loved ones go through at the end of life. It is painful for the one passing, but just as hard for the loved ones standing by helplessly watching and wishing they could make the suffering go away.  We don’t let our pets suffer. We call the vet and make an informed decision to spare them from any unnecessary pain. Why can’t we do this for our loved ones? It seems barbaric at times because not everyone has the blessing of an easy death.  Years ago, I heard the story of Brittany Maynard, a young woman who at 29 years of age faced a terminal diagnosis and made headlines by choosing the route of Medical Aid in Dying. She captured my heart with her beauty, her bravery in standing up for her decision and in advocating for others. With the time she had left she advocated for the legalization of Medial Aid in Dying, which at that point was only available in four states.  Her story touched me deeply and that is why I am even more excited about this interview. In today’s episode, I am speaking with Dan Diaz, Brittany’s husband, who carries on her legacy in advocating for a legalization of Medical Aid in Dying. And we are joined by Brandi Alexander, one of his colleagues at Compassion and Choices, a wonderful organization that carries forward the mission of expanding end-of life care options for everyone by going straight to the top and advocating for changes on a federal level.  We will talk about Brittany and her legacy and have a closer look at Medical Aid in Dying and how words like “euthanasia” and “physician assisted suicide” are often stigmatized and weaponized by its opponents. I really hope this episode reaches a lot of people and opens up conversations at your dinner table, among friends and family about your own life choices. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

I remember the day my dad called me to tell me that I should come home. My mom was not getting better. There is something to be said about the mental state one goes into upon receiving a potentially terminal diagnosis. Everything changes in this one instance, when the end of life turns from an if, a possibility far off in the future, to a when with a ticking clock. It goes way beyond the physical symptoms that go along with a disease and has more to do with the feelings and emotions, the worry and isolation one might feel at this point in life.   Unfortunately traditional medicine pays little to no regard to the mental state of a patient, while all efforts focus on the physical needs.   But in recent years scientific studies have turned their attention to a humble little mushroom in search of a solution. I am talking about Magic Mushrooms. Their active component, Psilocybin, might be the answer to alleviating emotional distress and depression at the end of life.  I cannot even explain how exciting this subject is to me. When my mom was in hospital with cancer, I wish we had had that option. It might have made everything a lot easier – for her, for me and my dad. Who knows.  What I do know is that mental health problems are rising worldwide – not only at the end of life - and we must realize that our current traditional Mental Health models continue to fail our most vulnerable populations. Alternative approaches such as psychedelic psychotherapy with psychedelics such as psilocybin, MDMA or Ketamine have a huge potential and often alleviate symptoms with a single dose in a controlled environment.

What I find fascinating about human emotions such as grief, is that every one of us deals with them differently. Some people shut down and deal internally with their feelings, others need the support and shoulders of friends and family. But sometimes it is this deep emotional turmoil, that gives birth to some of the most amazing pieces of art because some people work through their grief by writing, painting or singing about it. It is those songs born out of pure emotions that give me all the feels. Those are the songs that make me cry, give me goosebumps or just allow me to travel down memory lane. It really got me curious about the creative process that goes into writing and performing from a place of grief.  And I was lucky enough to meet just the right person to talk to. Gina Harris is a singer/songwriter and actor who has performed in theaters and jazz clubs in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.  Gina has done just that – she wrote a solo musical called “The Magic of Ordinary Things,” where she addresses her thoughts and emotions of dealing with her own grief after the loss of her parents and her singing teacher Lilian. Her music, grown from her jazz and blues roots, is magical and dreamy. Her lyrics are haunting, nostalgic and deep.  I was curious to have a look behind the scenes and find out more about her creative process and how she was able to blend love, grief and hope into music. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

This is what feels like the most important episode of LTSG to date.  While my previous and future episodes are meant to open a discussion around the end of life, a reality we will all face sooner or later, THIS episode actually has the potential to save lives.  So, if you are listening to this today and if you happen to work in marketing, PR, for a newspaper, radio or in a school or university and would like to help to get this message out, please do get in touch with me. You can email me at [email protected] Today I am sitting down with Dr. Ruby Javed, who is the Chief Forensic Toxicologist at the County of Los Angeles Department of Medical Examiner-Coroner. Dr. Ruby has a stellar career with over 17 years of experience in drug-related science in both the private and public sectors.  Not only is she a powerhouse at a job that most people would find hard to stomach, but she lives with an incredible passion and zest for life. We are both mothers and in that capacity today’s subject is very close to our hearts.  A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

I have seen a few mediums in my time. Some were ok, one was downright awful, and I walked out after 10 minutes. But then there are those that just leave you amazed. One of them is Jen Shaffer. Jen is a world-renowned Psychic Medium. She has been on serval TV shows and movies on Gaia. She works with law enforcement on criminal cases and often hosts small group readings called Wine and Spirits. Maybe it was the name that drew me, but I did not know much about Jen, when I attended one of her Wine and Spirits group readings a few months back. What came out during that reading blew my mind and I just knew that I had to have her on the podcast.  But I did not want to have the regular “reading on a podcast kinda thing” – I wanted a look behind the curtain to find out how this whole medium thing works.  In recent years I have had quite a few strange things happen to me as well, messages, visions … stuff like that. Crazy stuff, that I am still in the process of wrapping my head around. Maybe it is because of my work as an End-of-life Doula - I am not sure.  I was never scared when I knew or saw something – just confused and scared that I might go nuts. And it is a process to recognize messages for what they are and to get the courage to talk about them. So, I am super excited to hear what an expert like Jen has to say about that. Maybe I am not going crazy after all. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

Feelings are funny things. We think we experience them mostly on a mental level. Our brain makes sense of the things we feel, and we label them – as in “I feel happy” or “I feel sad, or anxious, or angry.” But it is in our body that most of these feelings settle in the end. How do we get rid of those tight muscles caused by anger, or the weight on our shoulders, where grief holds us down? This is what we will tackle in today’s episode.  I had a chat with Paul Denniston, the founder of grief yoga and author of the book “Healing through Yoga: Transform Loss into Empowerment.” Paul and I met at a workshop years ago and his teachings touched something inside of me that I really wanted to share with you all here.   Not only will we talk about how what we label as “negative” feelings settle in our bodies but we will also get a few hands-on tips on how to get things moving, releasing grief, pain, anxiety, fear, and anger that might have settled in our bodies for a long time. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

If I would ask you, “where does your consciousness reside?” your first instinct might be to say “well, the brain of course,” right? After all, isn’t that the part of our body that does all the thinking? Where our thoughts are turned to words, where we debate with others and most of the time with ourselves, where we define who we are? But is that true? What relationship do the brain and consciousness have? And what can we do to go beyond the brain and access deeper levels of awareness? Hear from Dr. Eben Alexander and Karen Newell about the mind-brain-relationship and how binaural beats help us to go deeper. For Show notes and links to books and further resources please visit www.learningtosaygoodbye.com A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

Neurosurgeon and bestselling author Dr Eben Alexander never believed in life after death until he got a look behind the curtain when he experienced a Near-Death-Experience and came back to tell his story. When I came across his book while working through my own grief, I was blown away by the hope it instilled in me. Let his journey inspire you to look at death and what comes after from a new perspective.  For Show notes and links to books and further resources please visit www.learningtosaygoodbye.com A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

I believe there is magic in the sharing of personal stories; the sharing of life and loss, but most importantly of survival and love. There is not one way to get through grief and not one solution that works for everyone. We are all unique and our relationships and our heartbreaks are individual experiences. But how we deal with those losses might guide others, might offer hope and direction to those needing them the most right now. Meet Ernst van Eeghen and hear his personal story of heartbreak and survival and what it took for him to get back on the road of healing.  For Show notes and links to books and further resources please visit www.learningtosaygoodbye.com A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

Holidays – Christmas, Thanksgiving, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, or birthdays, whatever it is you are celebrating, when you throw grief into the mix, things can change rapidly. How can we possibly celebrate when we are feeling the loss of a loved one? How can we even participate in events linked so closely to the memory of a partner, a parent, a sibling, a child, or a grandparent? How can we honor their memories and incorporate them into new traditions going forward? And what about the support system? How can we support people who have lost a loved one especially during this difficult time? I had a chat with my friend Garrick Colwell, a grief expert, and the co-founder of Kitchen Table Conversations to get some tips on how to navigate the holidays while allowing space for your grief. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com

No matter what higher power you believe in, whether it is God, Allah, the One, the Source, or universal life-force energy, many of us find ourselves talking to God or directing our prayers to someone/something outside of ourselves. Some don’t believe in God per se but in something. They might not be able to verbalize it, but whatever it may be, we often turn to that - let me call it “Source” - for answers, guidance and help. We are used to conversations and prayers being pretty one-sided. But what happens if God decides to answer? Meet Neale Donald Walsch, bestselling author and modern-day spiritual messenger and hear what God would say about death and life and what comes after. A big THANK YOU to Reiner Erlings for the music.  www.reinererlings.com